Book Jacket

 

rank 2519
word count 204168
date submitted 16.09.2010
date updated 16.09.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller
classification: adult
complete

Orphans

Roger John Gillespie

A group of rich, young orphans unite to strike back at the phantoms behind world terrorism, facing constant danger and their own personal struggles.

 

The first part of a completed three part series. From across the globe a group of young orphans are thrown together after each has their life torn apart by acts of terrorism. This is a determined and courageous bunch who, perhaps naively, believe they can make a difference and then quit to resume normal lives. Some try to forget and walk away, however, the relentless arms of mindless destruction continue to reach out for them until, finally, thirteen unite to strike a blow in an attempt to create a safer and better world where no other children would have to face the demons that haunt their minds. Jointly they hold resources equal to that of a small country, albeit without the restrictions of laws, save for those forged in their own tortured hearts. Finally, they are pursued by the world's security agencies as well as the terrorist groups. Their successes have embarrassed the authorities and embarrassment is despised even above the terrorism some regimes have covertly supported. Many of the men behind the terror are garbed in cloaks of legitimacy supplied by others in business and government. Once committed, the orphans find themselves on a merry-go-round of violence.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

action thriller, fiction

on 15 watchlists

41 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Pia wrote 861 days ago

Dear Roger, you're not active here but your vote still counts. Please check my message to you. Thanks, Pia

Kaimaparamban wrote 907 days ago

I enjoyed it. Best wishes

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire

Linda Brendle wrote 920 days ago

Roger, I enjoyed reading your first two chapters and will place your book on my watch list so I can follow your progress. Several of the comments I read mentioned the heaviness of the "essay" at the beginning of chapter 1. I liked the idea of replacing it with the newspaper accounts of the terrorists acts. That starts the story of with more of a bang (no pun intended!), and the information from the essay could be interspersed between the terrorist accounts as op ed pieces or news commentaries to lighten it up a bit. In the newspaper articles, I noticed you use the past perfect and the past perfect continuous tenses quite a bit. The articles might have a more authentic voice if you used a simple past tense. This is something my "editor" and I talk about a lot! You have a great concept and a writing style that makes me want to read more. Best of luck with your project.
Blessings,
Linda Brendle
A Long and Winding Road, RVing with Mom and Dad

Keri Kern wrote 934 days ago

I'm afraid I had trouble getting into this. The beginning read like a report and in my opinion went on for too long. I suggest starting with the two teenagers and working in the details we need through one of their eyes. I am sure with more work this will be something I would enjoy and I wish you luck with it.

nenno wrote 936 days ago

Going through all my comments to see who I backed and doing the star thing. Good luck, again Four Better Four Worse

nsllee wrote 941 days ago

Hi Roger

I enjoyed the ambiton, range and cosmopolitan nature of this, although I would be inclined to omit the essay at the beginning and start wth the newspaper headlines. \backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Becca wrote 963 days ago

I adore your writing style! It's fresh and imaginative, not only in what you say but also in how you say it. Well structured sentences, even when complex, lend to your voice. Your characters and writing are great and the premise sounds fresh, though I have to admit it's not my kind of story personally--I'm so girly :P
Backed--a perfect novel for it's intended target audience!
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

greeneyes1660 wrote 968 days ago

Roger there are so many things right about this book. Your premise is current and frightening and you are voicing the opinions and fears of many. What I think would really make this a solid read is if you kept all your content, but perhaps instead of telling so much up front bring in a few of the characters earlier, let us get attached, and have those opening pages come from a couple of voices so we are emotionally invested.

It is just my opiniom from my reader prospective, it felt like a good speech in the opening as opposed to a story, however I think this is extemely well written and the tension you build and the issues you cover make this a winner that I think is extremely marketable. Backed with Plasure Patricia aka Columbia Layer of the Heart

wespollet wrote 969 days ago

Hi Roger, What an action packed story. I wish you the best in your endeavor. I BACK the book. Harold Alvin(ICON)Wesley

Owen Quinn wrote 971 days ago

congrats this is superb, loving it

Lara wrote 971 days ago

A very good and convincing beginning. I got to the end of 2. (Out of interest I wonder how you overcame the word limit for chapters. 2 is way beyond what the computer normally allows. How did you do it?)

The scenario is believable. Just such an establishment would be thought appropriate after the worldwide events described in Ch 1. The dialogue is quiet good and the MC just right for the hero of such a plot. It is only marred very slightly by some typos such as their/they're/there confusion and your for you're in one place. Get an editor to check through the whole book to be on the safe side.
Backed
Lara
Good for Him

Justis Call wrote 972 days ago

I feel like I am ready the newspaper as I take in this story. Almost "ripped from the headlines," as they say. Good detail, excellent premise. Wishing you the best!

Backed,
Justis Call
Prestidigitations

Naya Carter wrote 972 days ago

Hi Roger- I am pretty new to the site and I have put you on my book shelf as you are one of my favorite first finds. I like the clear and concise language of your book. I like the pitch and I like how you used newspaper articles to show what happened to the victims of terror. I actually like how you are just "telling" us about the conditions of the times at the beginning of the story because it pulls you right in but I agree with the person below that more descriptive imagery could be used when you get to Bangcock. You paint a horrific,yet realistic portrait of a not so distant future. Please feel free to check my book out, AQUARIAN MOON, I think you'll like the language of my story too! Naya

cooee wrote 972 days ago

I agree with the other readers that this has a truth to it, that it is something currently happening, but I felt it is a shame that it is being told and not shown. I thought that you have strong narrative, but to me it is lacking the fundamental images of story telling. That until you get to Bangcock we are being told, what to me reads a bit like a prologue.

I thought you might need to break to a new paragraph, in your first paragraph, after 'It was life as normal' because the description directly following doesn't seem to be normal, at least not in some Western countries, and it contradicts the line or so prior - and doesn't seem to be an interweaved thought with the rest of the paragraph.

I wish you all the best with this. I think you have spent a great deal of time on it, and it clearly shows in the what I've read, but I also agree with the person, downwards, that perhaps you need to cut what might bog your story down. Tell the story, more so, show it and remove anything that doesn't really advance the story.

Good luck with it.

Gingernut wrote 972 days ago

The creepy thing about this book is its a bit too believable and thats the worry. Extremely good premise.
Gingernut

Justis Call wrote 973 days ago

So much of "today's world" seems to be a part of this story. Am anxious to read more.

On my WL,
Justis Call
Prestidigitations

lizjrnm wrote 973 days ago

Talented writing with an intriguing storyline makes this easy to back!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

NMott wrote 973 days ago

There is no such thing as a 200K word Thriller. The difference between a writer and an author is all in the editing, so work to cut this in half. No agent is going to take it seriously until you can get it to the 90-100K mark. Cut the exposition; cut the number of main characters; cut out repeated scenarios (with 13 main characters you're bound to have a few); avoid making it episodic - have your plot threads running in parallel not consecutively; put all your pieces on the board in the opening chapters - all the individuals and organisations pursuing them should be in the first quarter of the novel, not the last quarter.
All the best,
NaomiM

Neville wrote 973 days ago

Hi Roger, I can see by reading your book that you have an in-depth knowledge of todays events world wide.
Much of what you have written is actually happening as we speak.
The distribution of wealth is far from acceptable and in my opinion breeds war.
I am not a political advocate but what you say and describe with clarity is already in place and being effected.
I like your book and the style of writing that you portray to the reader.
It may be Fiction, but between the lines it's nearer to Fact than anything else.
As a writer your talent is obvious and I commend it.
I feel that 'Orphans' could have a place on many bookshelves in todays marketplace.
I wish you well on the way to a publisher and back your book.
SHELVED.

Many thanks for backing my book, much appreciated.

kind regards,

Neville(The Secrets Of The Forest - Series)

Linda Lou wrote 974 days ago

ORPHANS- Roger John Gillespie
hullo Roger. What an intense story almost too real to not be true, Very good. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

zan wrote 976 days ago

Orphans

Roger John Gillespie

Your title didn't prepare me for plot or content! Seeing the word "Orphans" I imagined a nice, sweet, yet sad story about a few underpriveleged, perhaps emotionally tortured children dying to have a normal life within an ordinary familial setting. Your plot is a grand one - these are orphans with means, here to save the world, but through what means? And are they in danger of becoming the very things they are protesting against? You have a creative imagination, excellent setup and it's good to encounter a writer who is able to let his imagination run loose. "I'm a law abiding person, no trouble from this boy." We shall see!! Book content lives up beautifully to the promise of your pitches. Well done.

Barry Wenlock wrote 976 days ago

Hi Roger, I had time to read four chapters and will certainly get back to this. Great characters and spot on dialogue. Thrilling? Very. Therefore, backed.

in your pitch, I think you need to break this sentence:

Some try to forget and walk away, however, the relentless arms of mindless destruction continue to reach out for them until, finally, thirteen unite to strike a blow in an attempt to create a safer and better world where no other children would have to face the demons that haunt their minds.

Best wishes and good luck,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

CarolinaAl wrote 976 days ago

A clever thriller with well-developed characters. Fractured relationships. Arresting settings. Impecable attention to details. Lively dialogue. Opulent narrative. Well thought out plot.Only one nit: 'Often she saw children that would need professional psychological help.' 'That' should be 'who.' Other than that, this is accomplished writing. An utterly delightful read. Backed.

nenno wrote 977 days ago

Polished writing and a good premise - the pitch made me think of Oceans 11, 12 304 etc but of course :) Loads of material out there and should draw in followers. Cleverly done.

Pia wrote 977 days ago

Roger -

Orphans - A cool look and succinct summing-up of the setting. Yes, told in that way the metasystem of the material cultures is diseased, can't be changed, is on autopilot. The only ones to affect change will always be individuals, viewed from their unique perspective, of course, and fired by their particular experience. And here is the problem, these young people form a force, they are not poor victims. It is surprisingly easy and emotionally gratifying to enter the state of mind of these young people, to strike back at the phantoms. Compelling, although, my guess, they will become phantoms themselves.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Eveleen wrote 977 days ago

Orphans
Backed with pleasure
Eveleen
(Turning a new leaf)

fh wrote 977 days ago

ORPHANS
The hook is brilliant.
This is a very up to date style of writing, which coupled with the current and ever present topic of terrorism you entice the reader straight in. The difficult part will come later. Can these inexperienced teenagers pull this off? The whole scenario is chillingly believable.This is a nicely executed piece of writing. Well done. I am happy to back this. When you have a moment I would be really pleased if you would take a look at my book. Thanks and good luck on here.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS’ VILLAGE

Wilma1 wrote 977 days ago

I found this all terrifyingly believable. Mobile phone bills etc !!!! A fantastic premise, original gripping, and well written.
I don’t think you should have the subject headings in capitals. I took a couple of books from the shelf at home before I wrote this. Initial capitals are fine. The horror of the statement is enough to make the reader feel the impact of what you are saying,
Also the ‘press release’ statements in my view read exactly like the narration they are written in exactly the same voice.... I think they should be short sharp sentences, in journalistic speak, maybe in a ‘bullet point’ way. The writer should be impersonal . ie.
A suicide bomber took the life of David Kirsch, a forty-two year old billionaire and left four people critical and twelve others seriously injured. Mr Kirsch .......
...You may not agree.
I enjoyed this, best of luck with it.
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley – I hope you enjoy reading it

Eunice Attwood wrote 977 days ago

This is a very intelligent, well thought out piece of work. Great writing skills that paint sometimes gloomy pictures - sometimes not. I enjoyed your writing skills, and the characters who add colour to what could be.....a scary old world. Backed with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

name falied moderation wrote 978 days ago

Dear Roger


loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha! I have to wonder on this site at the
creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate
such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent.

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also

The VERY best of luck to you

Denise
The Letter

KW wrote 978 days ago

This is one timely thriller. I wonder whether there is a group similar to this one out there. For the American taxpayers I wish there was a group like this than the government spending almost one trillion dollars on defense per year. Where are the orphans when we need them? It carries with it a faint aroma of the Batman story, but that's okay.

Your premise about terrorists being supported by "financiers, captains of industry, oil sheikhs, foreign politicians and perhaps even a few domestic ones" carries a hint or two of conspiracy theories, but it works well with fiction. Your list of the rich families destroyed by terrorists works pretty well in that it give enough for the reader to understand from where the orphans originate. Soon we are off and running.

I'm glad you uploaded the complete text. I can come back and read more about how the orphans pull their resources to kick ass.

Christian Piatt wrote 978 days ago

An interesting and timely subject, given our world climate. Fresh perspective on an all-too-familiar premise.
Best of luck with your book. BACKED.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

Rusty Bernard wrote 978 days ago

Hi Rodger,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
The Mental Pause

Shigley wrote 978 days ago

Roger,

I enjoyed your pitch and found the book to be nicely written. I backed it and placed it on my watch list.

Best wishes,
Len
(The Elijah Factor)

blueboy wrote 978 days ago

enjoyed you prose style, and the story was interesting, as I suspected it would be from the pitch. i'm happy to support your writing and i wish you the best. please read some of my book when you have time and let me know what you think.



blueboy
(The Age of Rhinestone

Walden Carrington wrote 978 days ago

Roger,
Orphans has a unique and original plot with a colorful cast of characters. Backed with enthusiasm.

SusieGulick wrote 978 days ago

Dear Roger, I love your story of 13 kids revolting against terroism, as you pitch told. :) Impressive that you listed the countries where bombs, etc were going off under each heading - great idea. :) Your humor in your story was excellent, especially of Mae. :) Tight paragraphs & dialogue moved my read right along. :) I have backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thank you very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

La Marmonie wrote 978 days ago

Hi Roger

I like your pitch. It made me want to read it. I read the first chapter and felt that it sounds all too familiar - the feeling of our world slowly colapsing around us in so many different ways. There is a sense of impending doom, and I would like to see how you deal with the crisis.

I am pleased to BACK your book.

I would be grateful if you could look at God of the Cocoa, and make a comment. If you think it deserves it, please back it. Thank you.

Best wishes
Marilyn

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 978 days ago

This is a very immediate style of writing and, coupled with the topic of terrorism you entice the reader straight in. The difficult part will come later in the book when these naive and inexperienced teenagers will have to be incredibly convincing. If you can pull this off it will be a sure-fire hit with an original plot. I will come back to read on. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Neville wrote 978 days ago

Hi there, I like the look of your pitch.
I have therefore backed your book and will come back to it later to do a proper read which I look forward to.

Could you please take a look at my 1st book THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST – THE TIME ZONE?
I would be very pleased.

Kind regards,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest – Series)

SusieGulick wrote 978 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 30 minutes later :)

1