Book Jacket

 

rank 1942
word count 50017
date submitted 19.09.2010
date updated 19.09.2010
genres: Fantasy, Young Adult
classification: moderate
complete

Johnathon Hallow

Daniel Ambrose

Unable to find a new magic teacher at Wino Manor, gifted but awkward student Johnathon Hallow is volunteered to teach the A level magic class.

 

The study of magic has declined from its heyday in the middle ages. With the industrial revolution, machines have replaced magicians, so much so that magic is taught in only a few schools and regarded as an outdated subject. Wino Manor is unable to find a suitable teacher when the current one retires so he suggests that a student of his, Johnathon Hallow, teach the A level magic class whilst completing his studies. The story is told from the point of view of Johnathon and one of his students, Jo. Johnathon struggles initially to engage with his students. Their knowledge of magic is much less than he expects and they find him too pompous. As they get to know each other better Johnathon's teaching improves and his practical demonstrations earn their respect whilst Johnathon becomes more confident in himself. Johnathon comes to believe he must make a statement to show the world how magic can still be useful. After struggling to find a spell which modern science cannot replicate he attempts to find the ghost of his mother, unwittingly unleashing a demon on the school which he cannot stop until his class find out and help him defeat it.

 
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tags

magic, school

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25 comments

 

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ccb1 wrote 1295 days ago

Backed Johnathon Hallow. We’ve read the first 2 chapters and enjoyed them. The small font was a bit difficult, but did nothing to take away from your story. In fact, we are “BACKING” it! Good Luck.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1298 days ago

No doubt about your ability as a writer with such a rich description of setting and character. It's just the idea of another school for magic that doesn't quite feel right...not that I think she's written the definitive word on that subject!
Good luck
Stewart

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1299 days ago

Dear Daniel,
It's interesting how you've combined an historical reference (the industrial revolution) with the fantasy of a magic school. I think that's the first time I've seen an author try to explain magic in rational, historical terms. Strangely nice and well done!

BACKED
Elizabeth Wolfe (MEMORIES OF GLORY)

CarolinaAl wrote 1301 days ago

Great concept. An engaging fantasy with well-rounded, complex characters. Wonderful imagery. Sparkling dialogue. Brilliant writing. A pleasure to read. Backed.

missyfleming_22 wrote 1301 days ago

I enjoyed what I read of this! I think it will draw in not just fans of magic but anyone interested in a well crafted and imaginative story. Jonathan is a great character, I liked him immediately and could relate to him. You have all the little touches that make this fun to read, especially the differing points of view. That was a nice surprise. Good luck with this.

Missy

scorselo wrote 1301 days ago

This is a very earthbound fantasy that allows your characters to be more accessable to those of us who live in the real world and are not simply following a formula established by others. Good character development and characters with which readers can easily identify supported by Solid writing.

Well Done
Johnathon Hallow is a pleasure to back, Scorselo- the Communicator

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 1302 days ago

This could serve as a handbook for the first-year teacher, written in a context that makes it most palatable.

Niobrara Kardnova (Family Irregulars)

zan wrote 1303 days ago

Johnathon Hallow

Daniel Ambrose

You have a vivid imagination. I am not a big fan of magic tales but these seem to be the craze today, and your YA audience should find it exciting. Of course a school where magic is being taught obviously makes one think of Harry Potter but there are unique elements to your plot which makes your story original. Your writing is very good and enables the reader to be placed in the middle of all that's happening, from hearing the log drop on the fire with a rustle to the old man appearing to have visibly shrunk into his jacket. And the dialogue is also very good. Great potential and I wish you success with it.

zan wrote 1303 days ago

Johnathon Hallow

Daniel Ambrose

You have a vivid imagination. I am not a big fan of magic tales but these seem to be the craze today, and your YA audience should find it exciting. Of course a school where magic is being taught obviously makes one think of Harry Potter but there are unique elements to your plot which makes your story original. Your writing is very good and enables the reader to be placed in the middle of all that's happening, from hearing the log drop on the fire with a rustle to the old man appearing to have visibly shrunk into his jacket. And the dialogue is also very good. Great potential andf I wish you success with it.

Stark Silvercoin wrote 1303 days ago

Johnathon Hallow has a bit of an uphill struggle given that every book like this is going to be compared to Harry Potter. Personally, I like Johnathon Hallow better because the characters are much more realistic. Also, magic is in decline in this story, being edged out by science, so everything isn’t peachy keen for the mages. It’s funny that that they are so desperate that a student has to teach the class. Author Daniel Ambrose is a master of dialog, which really helps to move the story along. It’s a fascinating world that is not too different from our own. It’s fantastic and believable at the same time. Backed with pleasure.

lizjrnm wrote 1304 days ago

Talented writing with an intriguing storyline makes this easy to back!

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

Tom Bye wrote 1304 days ago

Hi DANIEL 'JOHATHONS HALLOW'

hi daniel, very creative and nicely written fantasy story and will do well with the younger adult reader'
the style is modern and up to the minute and captures the school scenes well
has great potential to make it ;
backed'
TOM BYE ' FROM HUGS TO KISSES'

Herschel Shirley wrote 1304 days ago

A very nice read. Sort of reminds me of Harry Potter, but different. You write well. Backed.

Andrew Burans wrote 1305 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Johnathon. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your fantasy will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Barry Wenlock wrote 1305 days ago

Hi Daniel,
There are some very worthwhile, imaginative and original ideas in your work that single your book out from others in this very over-worked genre of Harry Potter look-a-likes.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

fh wrote 1305 days ago

JOHNATHON HALLOW
This starts well and the pitch was interesting enough for me to read the main part of the book. I have read three chapters and it's coming on nicely - a good pace with likeable characters.
With such a huge magic school ''genre'' these days it may be hard to break into, but you do bring some fresh ideas onto the page.
Some editing is needed, but with care and a bit more depth this could be good.
Good luck.
I am happy to back this. When you have a moment I would be delighted if you would take a look at my book. Thanks and good luck on here.
Faith
THE ASSASSINS’ VILLAGE

Despinas1 wrote 1305 days ago

Great work Daniel.
Backed with pleasure
Helen
The Last Dream

La Marmonie wrote 1306 days ago

Hi Daniel
You have a lovely style of writing. Your prose reads well. I love well writtern prose. The quality of your writing so far into the two chapters I've read is good.

However just to sharpen it up a bit, you might want to edit it, and think about those cliches you included. Also there are some extraneous words such as - (rather) elderly. The word, "rather", does not add to your description. In fact that whole sentence sounds sarcastic, which spoils your beautiful writing. (the tweed jacket had seen better days, if not years??) it is sufficient to say the tweed jacket was faded and frayed, perhaps.

These are not huge criticisms, but your writing is good enough to benefit from a little polishing.

I will BACK this book!

If you get the time, please look at God of the Cocoa. I would love to hear what you think. If it is good enough, I would love you to back it. Thanks.

Marilyn Rodwell

KW wrote 1306 days ago

I'm glad you uploaded the complete text. I can come back and read when I get the time. I'm enjoying this. It's a little like HP as a teacher assistant. What young kid doesn't like a little magic at school. I wish there would have been a little more magic in my school life than there was. I don't know if I'd like demons in addition to the the bullies, though. I do like the humor: "I had no idea this school was built on cheese." Backed for now. If you get a little time, I wish you could take a look at mine, Clip (http://www.authonomy.com/books/11062/clip/).

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1306 days ago

It will be difficult to stand out amongst the other 'Magic' books but you seem to build the story at a good even pace and the characters are interesting. Well done. Paula Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

Cariad wrote 1306 days ago

This reads well and the pitch looks interesting. I have read three chapters and it's warming up nicely. It's hard to do the magic/school thing these days, but yours sounds fresh. Some small observations: '...haunted look of someone much older. (don't need 'than his years.) ch. 1.
You can just say 'bags under his eyes' without the 'slight' - you already have a slight earlier in that bit, too.
You say 'scanned the face....in case a woman....' do you mean faces?
I like the shaking like a wet dog bit, except it does come over suggesting that dogs wear anoraks! somehow.
The word, I think, should be 'beatific' smile.
Small things that I noticed, take or leave them. Overall, I'm enoying this read.
Polly
STONES.

name falied moderation wrote 1306 days ago

Dear Daniel
Talent and skill have been shown with this book for sure. I have to wonder on this site at the creations that come from peoples heads and of course the immense talent of those like yourself to animate such colorful characters. I truly wish I had half your talent. I loved your short and long pitch both really sell your book which they are meant too so CONGRATS, and love the way you write. Your ability with words to craft an orginal read is amazing. the characters have decided to take up permanent residence but i will insist they leave soom to go home. ha!

Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also
The VERY best of luck to you
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

Neville wrote 1306 days ago

You have a great childrens story here in 'Johnathon Hallow'.
Magic and mystery is a first choice for many Y/A.
You have a talent when it comes to description, and display it well in your story.
With good characters and voice, I can see this being in many homes when published.
Like it very much and back it of course. SHELVED.

Please take a look at my childrens book, THE SECRETS OF THE FOREST - THE TIME ZONE, I would be very pleased.

kind regards,

Neville (The Secrets Of The Forest - Series)

SusieGulick wrote 1306 days ago

Dear Daniel, I love that Jonathan took the task at hand & did his best, even though his arm got hurt :) - never give up! :) - would that everyone would be as determined as he :) - what a wonderful world this would be. :) Your pitch persuaded me to read your book & your tight dialogue & paragraphs made for a smooth read. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoir book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

eurodan49 wrote 1306 days ago

Read a few chapters (that’s all I had time for).
Good narration with enough “showing” so reader can get a picture.
The dialogue flows in a realistic manner.
I’m backing it and will return for more reading and in-depth commentary.
Dan
PS. Would you read, comment and maybe back mine?

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