Book Jacket

 

rank 300
word count 71892
date submitted 30.09.2010
date updated 11.05.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: adult
complete

Convergence

David J Pickering

Now an adult a former child abuse victim seeks his blood thirsty revenge.
A dark and disturbing tale of a shattered psyche! CONTAINS STRONG CONTENT!

 

When a young abused boy escaped twentyfour years ago it heralded a maelstrom of trouble for four seemingly unconnected people.

It's Olivia Corneal's first real date, which makes this shy retiring librarian a bit of an oddity in her mid thirties.
Can she overcome the haunting visions that plague her and not scare off the only man she has ever cared for?

Brandon Nariz is pretentious, anal, narcissistic and the owner of New York's most fashionable restaurant! Unfortunately for Brandon his mind is gradually crumbling on itself thanks to the unseen mental manipulation of a man only known as the Governor.

Everybody hates Eustacious Chamberlain because he works independently for the IRS. Coupled with the fact that, due to a hearing problem, Eustacious shouts at everybody makes for a very lonely man. Can he find a friend in his enigmatic and very wealthy neighbor? Even during these auditory hallucinations.

Dax Heart is handsome, charismatic and plays by his own rules! An intelligent gypsy who feels nothing for anybody. So why does he keep emotionally breaking down?

As four converge thanks to the manipulative Governor a twisted underground snuff ring is threatened with exposure.

 
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tags

action, anger, crime, dark, fear, horror, insane, insanity, love, mystery, psychological, psychology, punishment, quirky, rape, thriller, torment

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147 comments

 

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Nigel Fields wrote 1159 days ago

Though gritty (and though in need of some attention to punctuation--unless you mean for the prose to be experimental, beyond the rules, as if the emotion were that immediate and intense), this is genius--and it's a pleasure to read something brilliantly written. Gripping doesn't even cover it. I read through chapter eleven so far. I was moved by Dax's reaction to the incident therein. Such great writing and characterization. Your writing is like mature Verdi, his Don Carlo, where all the underlying emotions and psyches enrich the music. 6 stars.
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

A. Savage wrote 1181 days ago

Oh my gosh! I'm almost speechless. The intricacy and power of your words is indescribable. I was hooked from the first chapter, as dark and disturbing as it is. You have such a great talent and flare with words that it is impossible not to be captivated by your decriptive paragraphs.
This book is dynamic and unique and I truly believe you will go far.
I would be a very happy writer if I could do what you do as you make it seem almost easy.
Supported and shelved with great enthusiasm.

Amy - Bleeding Heart Broken Soul

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1257 days ago

These are some of the most powerfully induced images I have ever read. The book is impossible to put down regardless of which character is being introduced to us. As soon as there is a space you will be on our shelf. A writer like yourself cannot be ignored. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

cicuta wrote 1268 days ago

Dear David, Intricate, involved and all at a pace that I couldn't keep up with. I am no critic, but I couldn't put it down. Left me breathless. I'm backing it again. To the top. Take care, Cicuta. [Carl, Arcane].

Jan Burns wrote 1271 days ago

I only intended to take a look at the first chapter but now I have finished the second as well. I like this book and admire your writing skill and the way you describe things. Even though the first chapter was dark and the little boy's plight a horrible thing, it intriqued me to read more. I don't usually read this type of novel but you said you don't normally read my type of novel, so I thought I would give it a go. What started out as interest had now captivated me to read more. Your writing is very easy to read and it intriques me to continue. I'm new at this site and so your book is the first one I have decided to read. I did take a look at one but I wasn't as captivated as I am with this one. I know that authors write about all kinds of subjects and my novels vary as well, but I truly like this book and it isn't a matter of just wanting you to have my novel on your bookshelf. If I didn't like it I wouldn't continue to read it. I think you are a good writer and i'm kind of particular in who I say that to. Other people might be turned off by the words vomit and maggots and they aren't my favorite things to read about but it is describing what this child is going through, it is setting the stage and I can appreciate that. I will go on to the third chapter now but just wanted you to know how I felt about your writing.

R R Ellis wrote 110 days ago

The story is gripping from the very beginning, and the characters are completely believable - it's brilliant, and I am loving it! I'm at chapter 13 so far, but I wanted to back the book before finishing it, so it gets the benefit of the backing.
I have to agree with the previous comment about punctuation though - I don't normally comment on spelling and punctuation etc, as the story and characterisation is more important to me, but in the later chapters the lack of punctuation is making the manuscript difficult to read. I'm still reading though - I want to know what happens!

I'm backing 'Convergence' 100%! It deserves to reach the top, and I sincerely hope it does.

Darius Stransky wrote 126 days ago

Just read a few more chapters and here's some congrats on excellent character writing.
Bit of a page turner.
I shall return
Darius

Seringapatam wrote 386 days ago

When you come back on the site and start pushing this....Wow, this is the ultimate in intelligent writing. I couldnt even begin to think where this comes from in ones mind. I could never even dream of writing anything as good as this. Your use of characters is amasing and when you use them as you do int he story it is nothing short of gripping. Magical flow too. i cant fault this book and as a result of the cool pace to this book, I found myself reading more and more. well done and big stars....
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Sue50 wrote 1027 days ago

I read the first chapter and I'm putting this book on my shelf. Reading more later. This is powerful stuff! Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown. Good Luck!
Sue50

Mark Kirkbride wrote 1028 days ago

Wow, visceral isn't the word! What an opening! It's bad enough imagining why the child is too scared to open his eyes, then we see it. Truly powerful writing. A little guiltily, will be back for more...

Mark, The Devil's Fan Club

Juliusb wrote 1029 days ago

Chapter 10:

Whishing to know if this book still captives a reader, reading on micro level, I choose at random chapter 10 at random. A doctor and one his client meet in a public place.

These string of words and phrases - I found them tickling the my mind of a reader: serene, immensely, numbers and mathematics, with his belly full of tantalizing, attractive waitress, which she returned with rapidly, relish, good nature and humor, if I may be equally honest I too abhor most people, face crimsoned with the flattery, rhetorically, nonsensical, talking from the heart, jovial, telepathy and the like.

StaKC wrote 1078 days ago

Pulls no punches, in fact often goes for the one-two knockout. Love the descriptive style. Could use some editing, but not too much because the choppiness, if that's even the right word, adds to the atmosphere of this particular tale. I like some of the unexpected description ("veiled peanuts" is definitely not one I'd run across before).

Arnold D Glenpole wrote 1153 days ago

the first chapter is really graphic and turned my stomach so you did a good job will read more when i can, chapter two next , i like solveing the crimes before i start a book or film, so are the men in the shed police men or railway workers, thats my first conclusion so will read on to find out if im right or wrong! could you rate my book and help me on the way since my book is on its way down the charts to number one i hope cheers arnold

bicep wrote 1158 days ago

Wow ,i devoured each chapters...great work..look foward for the next??

Heather Louise Banks wrote 1158 days ago

A very difficult read, painful, large in its intensity - superb writing.

Millstone wrote 1158 days ago

David, you've definitely done something I couldn't do in my own story, which is to depict the intense violence and suffering far too many children are subjected too. I applaud your ability to tackle such a disturbing theme headlong. Bryant - THE MILLSTONE

Rhonda9080 wrote 1159 days ago

Wow! Great, outstanding opening!!! Gritty and high impact! I love your no-nonsense, crisp style. Its perfect for this type of book. I haven't had a chance to read past first chapter, but I'm watchlisting - with highest star rating!

Nigel Fields wrote 1159 days ago

Though gritty (and though in need of some attention to punctuation--unless you mean for the prose to be experimental, beyond the rules, as if the emotion were that immediate and intense), this is genius--and it's a pleasure to read something brilliantly written. Gripping doesn't even cover it. I read through chapter eleven so far. I was moved by Dax's reaction to the incident therein. Such great writing and characterization. Your writing is like mature Verdi, his Don Carlo, where all the underlying emotions and psyches enrich the music. 6 stars.
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

Neeky78 wrote 1160 days ago

Thanks for the warning! I found your opener too strong for my weak constitution I'm afraid and couldn't read on. But please know that I am a total wuss and more a romance/chick lit reader and writer, so this is in no way an indication of how others may find it.

I do have to applaud your use of interesting character names. I always like an interesting name for a character rather than your plain John and Jane.

:-)

I do have to agree with a few others who mention your lack of commas and punctuation. It would make a huge difference to the flow and voice of the story if you included more commas for meaning, especially in the opening sentence. You seem to have more as the story progresses, but the opening is weaker.

"The frigid, soliatary question had fallen on cold, uncaring walls"

Good luck!

Rebbekka Messenger wrote 1172 days ago

Very gripping. I have to admit, this isn't the sort of novel I normally read, but I found myself unable to tear myself away! From the first paragraph I began to crave redemtion for this young boy. I felt as though if I could reach into the page and pull him out, I would!
Great job invoking emotion! I have placed Convergence on my bookshelf!

Rebbekka Messenger
Not Broken

Kaimaparamban wrote 1178 days ago

In fact, your novel justifies a psychological analyze that hurt in the childhood would be aggravated when being aged. What impression we had in our childhood, certainly its reverberations will be long lasted till the end. You have beautifully portrayed that psychic transition. Congratulations.

Joy J. Kaimaparamban
The Wildfire
The Seagulls

Rob Blowers wrote 1179 days ago

I have re read the first chapter and like the changes that you made. The text is powerful enough and now adds a sensitive touch by the author which adds to the intensity of the opening chapter. I hope your book continues to be appreciated.

A. Savage wrote 1181 days ago

Oh my gosh! I'm almost speechless. The intricacy and power of your words is indescribable. I was hooked from the first chapter, as dark and disturbing as it is. You have such a great talent and flare with words that it is impossible not to be captivated by your decriptive paragraphs.
This book is dynamic and unique and I truly believe you will go far.
I would be a very happy writer if I could do what you do as you make it seem almost easy.
Supported and shelved with great enthusiasm.

Amy - Bleeding Heart Broken Soul

raylohne1 wrote 1181 days ago

dear david,
nice work...chilling...will have to get into it a litle more to give you any decent comments...but it sure grabs you...ray

angela fuller wrote 1182 days ago

Dear David. For what it's worth - and it's not much - here are my comments.
First, I was unprepared for your opening: it's incredibly raw, and very shocking - in a good way. Your imagery of a battered boy lying in his own filth and praying for death conjures up a powerful atmosphere of hopelessness and evil. I hate to comment on original work, because it is a true expression of your vision, but from a reader's point of view I'd point out the following: the narrative stops flowing after the first chapter; perhaps you could find a tighter link between chapters. Also have a look at the spelling before it reaches the editor's desk, which hopefully it will. Finally, and I don't know whether this is due to authonomy's format, there are too many breaks into new paragraphs.
As I said, this is only my opinion, so take it with a dollop of salt. On another note, I liked that you called the chef Nariz - did you know it means "nose" in portuguese? Very apt.
If you feel like it, by all means take a look at my "Wifelet". It's pure escapism, and very different from yours except that it also originates from the heart. I'd welcome any comments.
Best of luck
Mac

Shawn Hendricks wrote 1182 days ago

I am finding the intro a bit strong for my tastes.

Use of commas could be improved. What color marble is the child's skin (last night I unscrewed the black marble base from a bronze statue)?

Please have someone do a technical edit with absolutely no mercy. From what little I have read, you seem to have the basics down and just need to clean and polish your manuscript.

Thank you for inviting me to read your book but it falls outside my preferred genres.

rb101182 wrote 1183 days ago

Thanks so much for backing my book, I have backed you as well... your pitch and first chapter were very compelling! Looking forward to reading more :)

Rachel

Amanda Elliott wrote 1183 days ago

Backed and will rate asap :0) x x x

screenwriter wrote 1184 days ago

Such a flair for graphic brutality. Good luck!
-s

Rob Blowers wrote 1192 days ago

A very powerful start. The subject matter grabs the readers attention and if designed to shock then succeeds. The subject matter is not to my normal reading but that said after reading the first chapter I am intrigued to find out what comes of him. On a constructive matter, I found the use of swear words unneccessary to add to the description and would find the writing more powerful without them. I rhink it allows the reader come to their own conclusions of the desperate situation of the youngster without being so obvious. That said, I will add your work to my bookshelf as I believe your story has merit. I would be keen to understand what your inspiration comes from to write of such treatment. I doubt it is from any personal experience. From my years in the police I have some experience of the lower end of society and find your despriptions not unbelieveable.

ed_larel wrote 1193 days ago

Some spooky imagery I often find in Koontz or King. Absolutely wonderful; it makes me wish my bookshelf were bigger here. I will follow it today, and after I give the other's I've read a day in the spotlight or so, I'll move this up and leave it for a while.

sissysulli wrote 1193 days ago

Wow, that is so sad :(

I read the first chapter, and it's great. Great writing, great style.

Only one thing:

Cut out some adjectives. One or two descriptive words with a lot of punch have more power than a string of rambling adjectives put together. For example, "A writhing lump of sloppy red moving mass could be viewed on the other side of the bare dark icy shed the boy was imprisoned in. Hundreds of squirming, wriggling, fat, juicy, pus colored maggots teeming toghetr in a sickening bed of red." WRITHING and MOVING are redundant. Pick one. Same goes for LUMP and MASS. Try something more like, "A writhing mass of sloppy red could be viewed . . . "

Similarly, you don't need to describe the maggots so in-depth with that list of adjectives. Everyone has seen a maggot before and has a general idea of their appearance. Once again, SQUIRMING and WRIGGLING is redundant, as can be FAT and JUICE. Try something like, "Hundreds of fat, wriggling maggots teemed . . ."

This is just a personal opinion, and please feel NO obligation to change anything about your book. I think you've done a great job building the suspense. Keep writing!

-EZ

P.S. I can't wait to get your feedback on my book :)

marc henri wrote 1193 days ago

Interesting first chapter. Very dramatic. I liked the bit where the four people come in the shed - the dialogue is blunt and effective.
Early on, I felt that the narrator - who should be a neutral voice - shouldn't say 'shit', unless expressing what the boy is thinking. It threw me off a bit.
'Madness knocking on the door to his mind' - Nice line.
I'll give this four stars for now till I read more.
Marc - Persona

yellowdog wrote 1199 days ago

Hi David,

I read your pitch and the first chapter. As some of your other reviewers have noted it is an exciting and terrible beginning to the story and the circumstances of the child are horrific. Despite the worthiness of the story I couldn't ignore the level of telling in the writing. I expected more solely from the child's pov. At times you seemed to be trying to force the readers sympathy for the character i.e. unfortunate child. At the end of the chapter there is an element of foretelling and once again the author telling with reference to the `malevolence'.

You definitely have a descriptive talent, but I think you need to restrain yourself and let the simple presentation of the character and situation evoke the readers concerns and sympathy. This is all just my opinion, but I felt I needed to be honest with you.

All the best

Brian

Declan Conner wrote 1199 days ago

Your first chapter is as spine chillingly horrific and as powerful as horror gets. Steven King would have been proud to have come up with that first scene.

Ok so the child is dead...or so we think, as do whoever put him there and they leave the door to the shed unlocked. In the third scene, the boys vital signs return. I am guessing that a number of readers would find that hard to believe, but my take is it is plausable given the freezing temperatures. It is left that the boy, having recovered, manages to open the unlocked door to the shed, but as he's still chained, it prevents his escape. On reflection of the 3 scenes, I would consider omiting one of the group saying "call it in." as it answers the readers question as to how he will get out of there. I am pleased you didn't name the child. I am sort of hoping that as it is set in 1986 and what follows is set in 2010, that he will be introduced to us as a character without us knowing who he is? and it is for us to find out.

The second chapter is totally different and I guess the beginning of the story that will lead to the unveiling fo how the first chapter came about. You introduce us to the life of Olivia and introduce the notion that romance could be in the air with Chris. There is mystery here in that young children are calling into the library to ask for the same short story? My only crit here is that you over use her (Olivia's) name. A few she's would thin this out.

I have started to read the third chapter and will continue. Hope I can sleep tonight.

Nearly wrote 1199 days ago

Hi David,

There's a lot going on in these opening chapters and I would have liked an inkling as to how and when the people and plotlines will converge a little sooner - perhaps that's the boring traditional storyteller in me!

That said, I feel less is often more when it comes to horror. Too many vivid gory descriptions actually lessen the impact. If you think about King he is very rarely explicit. For me, there are just too many repeated references to mutilated rotting flesh in the opening chapter.

I would have liked to know more about the boy and perhaps a contrast to his horrific situation with thoughts about his parents and home. Surely a young child would think about their 'mummy'?

Your other characters are certainly interesting and actually, I feel your writing really starts to shine when you move away from some of the nastier descriptions.

From a publishing point of view, I think most agents will struggle with your first chapter in its current form. I'd think about editing it quite viciously and showing a bit more restraint with the gore!

Overall, this has potential and I love how passionate you are about your writing. You obviously haven't reached the cynical, slightly jaded stage like me!

I can't back this because I resolved to only back things I REALLY love but I wish you the best of luck!





Shah Wali wrote 1199 days ago

Very fast and entertaining. it certainly deserves my support and my star rating.

Balepy wrote 1221 days ago

David Convergence is definitely not my cup of tea but evidently is for others, very well written and credible so am backing you. Best of luck Balepy (Freckles the Fawn)

Saint wrote 1225 days ago

Hi David
Thanks for asking me to read CONVERGENCE. I tried to muddle through the first chapter but I couldn't get past the part where the men came into the shed. Ew...this isn't my "happy" story--for sure. I'm sorry.

A few things--could you name the boy right away? It would make him more real to the reader. Also, whose pov is this from? If it's from the boys then there are parts that sound too adult for a boy to say. I would think he'd be thinking of his family or someone who loved him, or how he could get out. I can't picture him saying, "Why my?" I doubt he would think about bacteria this way either. Now...if someone were there watching him and the pov was from his adult pov that would be different. But the reader would have to see the person to know it was from his pov.

I think for this scene you could say a lot less, but have the same impact. Of course, this is just my opinion.

I love your bio and can tell you're fierce about your writing. Good for you! Keep going. We'll see you published one day--for sure. Don't stop.

Best,
Michelle (WILLOW)

Frank wrote 1226 days ago

Easily the most gripping story I have ever read, it leaves me desperate for more. This will stay on my shelf for a long time! Very well done, I envy you such talent.
I am definitely going to read your other book.

Frank wrote 1226 days ago

Easily the most gripping story I have ever read, it leaves me desperate for more. This will stay on my shelf for a long time! Very well done, I envy you such talent.
I am definitely going to read your other book.

beegirl wrote 1228 days ago

Hi, I am here for my read swap with Karen.
I read the first four chapters of this dark story. I thought the plot was interesting and the story as certain potential. I did find some things that the writer might want to consider (or disregard--hehe). I felt the first scene, though vivid and chilling, might not come across real. I don't believe a child in this circumstance would have the clear mind that this child has. I don't think it would look across at a mass of flesh--and see that as his future. I wonder if you should try getting out the the child's head in this scene. I can guess each of the next chapters that introduce characters are going to have had something to do with the abuse, and I guess the governor was the child. But the introduction of so many characters before the story begins left me waiting too long.
I hope this is helpful, it is meant to be. I could be completely off base, I am only one reader and everyone has their own reader perspective.
Starred

beegirl wrote 1228 days ago

Hi, I am here for my read swap with Karen.
I read the first four chapters of this dark story. I thought the plot was interesting and the story as certain potential. I did find some things that the writer might want to consider (or disregard--hehe). I felt the first scene, though vivid and chilling, might not come across real. I don't believe a child in this circumstance would have the clear mind that this child has. I don't think it would look across at a mass of flesh--and see that as his future. I wonder if you should try getting out the the child's head in this scene. I can guess each of the next chapters that introduce characters are going to have had something to do with the abuse, and I guess the governor was the child. But the introduction of so many characters before the story begins left me waiting too long.
I hope this is helpful, it is meant to be. I could be completely off base, I am only one reader and everyone has their own reader perspective.
Starred

jereellison wrote 1228 days ago

Very interesting. You do a very good job here of incorporating the five senses, a key to writing far too many people tend to overlook these days. The change in the child is interesting, as well, as we see this shift from a struggle for freedom to a dazed, almost acceptance, of his situation. Well done.

Best,
Jere Ellison
"True Nature"

happypetronella wrote 1241 days ago

Just my kind of book, dark and disturbing. Enjoyed the read and wish the whole book was there for me to read. In time I will put the book on my shelf.

Diane60 wrote 1243 days ago

David,
absolutely a masterpiece! Have read all 30 chapters and you easily grab the reader and toss them about from the very first disturbing chapter. it is kind of like a car crash and not wanting to look but you have to....
Wonderfully constructed characters and situations gently intertwining.....
This should not only get picked up but do very well...
:)
Diane

hikey wrote 1243 days ago

Convergence by David J Pickering.

Very dark, gritty and powerful writing that has a way of drawing the reader to places they dont want to go but feel compelled to read on!

Your descriptive writing stands out.

Jane
'Breath in the Dark'

C.H.Valentino wrote 1246 days ago

I devoured the first chapter and have to say that the image your evoke is both chilling and emotionally intense. This is very well built. The sound of the train was a detail that I heard in my head at the intensity built, and the cold taste of blood was in the back of my throat.

My only point of crit would be in the amount of descriptors you are using - in one place I think you say his "little limp cold blue penis" and there are several other places were we get long lists of adjectives attached to the noun. You're very talented in taking your reader to right where they need to be and you can do it without laundry lists. I would suggest looking at words like "little" and "cold" and see where you can hem those into one, perfect word.

fody wrote 1252 days ago

David, very very descriptive, maybe redundant. When you make a descriptive point, move on. Perhaps you could reiterate something briefly at a relevant point in the story. Don't mean to sound bossy, I am working on this kind of refinement in my editing as well. That said,

The first chapter was effective. I didn't enjoy it at all, which makes me relieved I'm not a psychopath, but I don't ever want to see those images again, and so that was brilliantly done. I read two chapters so far. I'm going to tell you something I'm working on, and you can apply it as you see fit or ignore it. When I am working on a setting, I don't want too much exposition up front. The reader doesn't care about the library, they want the story to happen, and i have to flesh out the description or explanation as the plot unfolds. So the character can walk by something (describe it quickly) on his way to do something.

Thank you for sharing your vision, cheers!
Forrest

La Marmonie wrote 1252 days ago

David,

The first chapter is written to shock, and it does, quite horrifically. You set up a style that the reader is expecting.
I would be quite willing to continue reading to the end of the book, to find out what has happened to this boy.

Yet I have read to chapter 10 and I am still searching for that style, as well as the character. Not so horrific, but something that follows on. Whilst it is a well used format to alternate scenes from chapter to chapter, every chapter seems different.

I am not sure whether you mean to withhold names in the first chapter, but there are none. So I am unable to connect the characters with those in subsequent chapters. Have I missed the point? I may well have!

A theme that runs through the chapters is the sense of smell - whether it is foul or food associated. Something of it reminds me of the novel Perfume. The sensitivity to smells but also the darker elements.

It has the makings of a fine novel, but the plot needs to be defined.

I will back it.

Best of luck with it.

Marilyn

Rachael Cox wrote 1253 days ago

This is a really well written and engaging book. The first chapter is really powerful and emotionally traumatic. Then the following chapters introducing other characters are much lighter in comparison and create a well needed relief. All of your characters are so real and I really felt their situation and emotions. This is a very captivating read and a real page turner. A great piece of writing.
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

casey watson wrote 1255 days ago

Hi, your book was recommended to me so I thought I would give it a quick glance. How wrong of me! It's a fantastic story and will make a compelling movie. You're deffo going places ! BACKED with a vengeance x

Cariad wrote 1255 days ago

The beginning is so powerfully vile that I almost stopped reading, but I guess it's needed to make what comes understandable. Some very strong, confident writing here. Even though it's not my normal read it's compelling.
One small thing - in chapter 12, does 'the trailer' need to be in brackets? You tell us it's a trailer park just after, and it took me out of the read for a moment. I may have missed why, as I was reading three from the start, three from the middle and a bit from the end to get the scope.
Cariad
STONES.

tree wrote 1256 days ago

Hi David,

Sorry it's taken me so long to get on here again! Well done - your writing is vivid and intense and your characters come to life on the page/screen. I haven't finished reading the whole thing yet but so far so good.

I know it's nothing major but try to eliminate the typos/spelling/puncutation mistakes, because it might put people off backing it, just for a few tiny, insignificant things.
Also, (I'm thinking chapter 1 esp) try not to repeat the same word too often in the same sentence/paragraph/page e.g. maggots - maybe try describing them in other ways that still makes it clear what they are but with different words.

Good luck!
Rhian

PATRICK BARRETT wrote 1257 days ago

These are some of the most powerfully induced images I have ever read. The book is impossible to put down regardless of which character is being introduced to us. As soon as there is a space you will be on our shelf. A writer like yourself cannot be ignored. Patrick Barrett (Cuthbert-how mean is my valley)

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