The Civil Unrest

THE CIVIL UNREST
This is an interesting reflection on human conflicts, and moral attitudes. Written in a fresh voice, strong and powerful. You write intelligently. Excellent. Backed with pleasure
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

Interesting reflection on the correspondence between every day attitudes (i.e the mother and the ice cream cone) and perpetual war be it in Vietnam or the Gulf, how punishment has been elevated to nobility, including the Death Penalty, for no reason at all, except the frustrations and unhappiness of human beings, that somehow need an outlet, or a way to blame others...very well written, concise, poetic in its starkness, I am happy to back this sometimes profound book.

David, you are such a brilliant writer, and I am happy to book this book as well. You use words very effectively to create the perfect canvas. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

David,
The Civil Unrest reads like a deep philosophical work in classical literature. The Carl Jung quotes at the beginning of each chapter shows the author to be well-read and intelligent. Backed with pleasure.

This is equally as good as your other book David. It is very different to your other work which shows you have scope and the quality of writing really proves to me you are a fantastic author.
How you have not already been chosen for publication is beyond me.
I have only read the first story so far but that is enough to know it has a place on my shelf.

This is equally as good as your other book David. It is very different to your other work which shows you have scope and the quality of writing really proves to me you are a fantastic author.
How you have not already been chosen for publication is beyond me.
I have only read the first story so far but that is enough to know it has a place on my shelf.

I had a look at your book and it is indeed convincing and in a subtle way - I REALLY LIKED IT - and I'm sure it will be a best seller in the years to come - a very intelligent book - thankyou !

I really like a good philosophical book so I RATED YOURS THE HIGHEST and put it on my W/L intending to read and comment - perhaps you could have a look at my books - goodluck !

I really like a good philosophical book so I RATED YOURS THE HIGHEST and put it on my W/L intending to read and comment - perhaps you could have a look at my books - goodluck !

Hi David, Had a read. Not my kind of stuff to be honest. I guess I like a story with a recogniseable theme. This I couldn't find in your writing. It does read very convincingly tho' as tho' it's your experience which shows a lively imagination. I like 'Mr Time'.
We frogs are multiplying at an alalarming rate , using up earth's resources & poisening it's atmosphere. So maybe you are right.
There's a lot of nasty people about, but I take heart in knowing that the overwhelming majority are ordinary reasonable sorts. I don't believe you would shoot a mugger much less an old lady. The character you are portraying would have to be mad-perhaps he is? I'm backing it because it is an unusual & thought provoking piece. Best of luck with it. Walt.

Great read.

As a surfer this story really hit me. I honestly felt I was there the descriptions are so vivid! I read as many stories about surfing as I can find and this has become by far my favourite one.

Civil Unrest shows what life can do to a person, and what lies can do to anyone's mind. I will be backing this as soon as i can, it is a very good read so far.

To be honest I do not usually like this genre and only gave it a look as I enjoyed Convergence so much but.... I could not stop reading!! I read the whole thing already!! amazing!
So discriptive, it really makes you feel as if you are in those situations yourself, especially in the solitary surfer and they both leave you thinking about society and it's affects on you afterward.
I look forward to you uploading more stories to add to the collection but till then I shall enjoy reading more of Convergence!!
I am happy to have both of your books on my shelf and think they will stay there for a long time!

Hello again David.
I liked this book just as much as Convergence!!
Both of the stories are very meaningful and I love that you have added a touch of insanity to the first story with your purposeful grammar errors. It really helps to portray that the book is written by the character which makes it much more involving.
The descriptions in the second story are quite breathtaking! I really felt like I could hear the waves and feel the spray coming from the water; to create so much beauty in such a solemn tale is quite remarkable.
Well done yet again.
And once more, please let me know when you have added more chapters or when you bring out another book. I love your work and just can't get enough!
Thank you, Kay.

David,
read the first chapter of this literary fiction piece afetr having first read some of your other book.

The Civil Unrest opens up a dark thought provoking hole in our society.

The issue of nature vs nurture you raise or genetics against environment is a hard one to answer.
Especially with all the different factors you expetly point out through the strong narrative voice.

I think this would go well in a book of short socially relevant stories.
The questions you explore are deep and profound and the writing for me flows beautifully.
I will let you know about the second chapter.
Thanks for writing.

Nonauthor.

This is not my normal read and although it was strong I wasn't sure where the story was going.

When you were using quotes from Carl Jung I knew that this was about the inner workings of the mind and it is very deep. Very interesing but not for me.

Good Luck,

Red

Very interesting and thought provoking. A profound read that has the feel of a classic.

What can I say, Deep, Deep, Deep stuff! And I don't just mean the water in the second chapter of the Solitary Surfer!!
Absolutly loved this piece of work, the prose flows like music, you throw caution to the wind with long sentances and paragraphs, which I enjoyed, and I think hte pay off is great.
Some may say this is not very "technically" correct but it glides along so perfectly I wouldn't change anything.
Very minor grammatical errors but hey I've seen them in published books by King and the rest of them.
The philosophiocal angle you approach these two pieces of work from is very well thought out.
You are right when you say this is a think piece.

The allusions to mankinds actions being a tainted version of King Midas was genius.
Well written and aesthically beautiful, for the second chapter.

For the first chapter I was amazed with how much I sympathized with the protagonist who wrote the "Journal". The pity I feel for him is very real and intense.
I like how you left it a little clumsy for his thought patterns (I assume this was the point) in order to emphasise a decaying and delusional mind! But hey!! Who can blame him.
This all sits very well for me.

BOTH BACKED WIITH IMMENSE PLEASURE.
SO ORIGINAL!

I hope you like my sci-fi, take a read and comment back.
Kindest regards,
A.N. Entity.

Wow...what an amazing chapter (2). I must say your talent for description MUCH surpasses mine. Loved your imagery: churning clean crisp; spectacular oceanic ballet; veritable aquarium of spectres; writhing storming salted abyss. Your words definitely make me breathe the wave, feel it, crave it. Something I try to do in my own book, but don't always quite capture.

My advice would be:

1: watch for 'wordiness" and run on sentences. Sometimes less is more, I think.
For example I would put: An addictive mix of blue and jade interspersed with sporadic darker patches representing the coral nestled a mere two metres beneath the surface. A visual spectacular oceanic ballet.
(Or something like that)

2. Watch your punctuation!! You have a LOT of commas where could be the start of new sentences. Maybe vary some long sentences with small....because 'apparently' people like that better. lol

I loved this part: Soon. Soon. Now was a time to watch and wait...
It really made me yearn for the surf with him.

Loved this part too: Soon he would give himself to the thriving currents and for all to (should be too) brief a time master it. Although I would maybe change it to: Soon he would give himself to the thriving currents and, for a brief time, master it.

Another wordy part I would change: utilizing each curve and hollow section to the best of his ability.

'Too' carve down every new rise ('too' should be 'to') :)

I love how you've compared the sea to snow twice now. As I'm also a snowboarder and have a passion for both snow-capped mountains and sea.

The surfer's eye narrowed (you forgot the ' )

I was told (by almost every surfer who read my book) to change the word 'tube' to 'barrel'...apparently it isn't 'cool' to use the word 'tube' anymore lol.....but I think it's silly.

Also loved the line: wretched brainwashing religions that teach opinions as if they were proven facts. LOVE IT....that's kind of what my book Damn You is based on.

Love how he feels less lonely as he moves further from civilization and closer to the waves.

In the second part I was a little confused as to whether he was carrying a surfboard until he 'dove onto it'. I thought maybe he was just heading out without one...to end his life or something...
Not sure why that was my thoughts...but just thought I'd let you know.

Oh...I guess he does want to die....now I'm on the edge of my seat, wondering if the tube is going to squash him, and I'm not sure at this point if I want him to make it out or die doing what he loves absolutely.

I guess he died. I'm kind of glad. Weird.

Awesome work! Loved the read. Glad you stopped by my book and introduced yourself!!
heehee....now, if only my grammar skills could combine with your poetic/descriptive delivery, we would make a PERFECT novel. LOL

David
I wrote you a huge comment but it's gone into the ether .... sorry too frustrated to write it all again.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

I don't know why, but there is something about your character that reminds me of Huck Finn. Perhaps it is the first person narrative that brings him to life - that, and your ability to interact with your reader. Having said that, there is one part where you refer to 'my gentile reader'. I assume it's a typo and you mean 'gentle'? Or maybe not? Regardless, I think it would be better to miss it out altogether. As the reader, I know you are speaking to me, and to refer to me as 'gentile/gentle' when you don't know me feels a little patronising. For what my opinion is worth, I think it comes across a lot better if it's gone altogether. Other than that, it's great. Your descriptions are vivid and I love the comparision of time to a flash flood. It certainly feels like that for me these days. I've only read the first chapter, David, but it sounds very promising and I'm happy to give it my backing.
Katy Christie
No Man No Cry

A Rhapsody in Blue! Or is it Turquoise? And doesn't it threaten to flood us with an endless purple patch?
Anything as impressive as the sea would make its impact with its might - its actions alone - not its myriad appearances. In other words,David, that's gilding the lily. All the adjectives and adverbs lavished on it - and the breathless sentences, relieved of their full stops and inflated as apparent paragraphs - all this only detracts from your subject.
Surely a surfer so world-weary would gain regular relief and satisfaction from surfing, or just the sheer magnificence of the view, rather than drown himself in it. And who is to say that drowning is not as ghastly as the world, work and war?
David Grant

You know, Jung was always a favorite of mine — I even got an A on my "Heart of Darkness" philosophy assignment . I had forgotten how much his works meant to me, especially now that my own book deals exclusively about the wickedness of others being projected upon a new generation, even if a different form. Your format is interesting as well, a narrator as well as a part of the storyline — much like the movies that use the technique to break and look directly into the camera to comment. If you don't mind a suggestion, I would do a punctuation and grammar check to cure those lost periods and capitalization. Interesting and helpful to me as well.

David,

I liked the Jung quote in the beginning. I think it sets the tone for The Civil Unrest quit nicely. Although this wouldn't be my first choice of genre to read I really enjoyed what I read. I love the voice you use. I think it's a style that not many can pull off. Most people when they try to narrate in first person telling the story and directly addressing the reader they don't do it very well and I don't feel involved in the story. That was not the case here. I felt like I was sitting on the backporch listening to someone telling me a captivating story that just sucks into the world they lived in. I also do like storie that make you think and operate on a deeper level and you've definitely accompliced that here.

Already on my shelf!

Laurie - Into The Master's Lair

THE CIVIL UNREST
This is an interesting reflection on human conflicts, and moral attitudes. Written in a fresh voice, strong and powerful. You write intelligently. Excellent. Backed with pleasure
Faith
THE ASSASSINS VILLAGE

this is an original story in style and content. l shall put it on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Elegant writing. Important questions raised. Backed, M

- Weekend Chimney Sweep or Happy New Year
- Sarajevo Walls of Fate

Interesting reflection on the correspondence between every day attitudes (i.e the mother and the ice cream cone) and perpetual war be it in Vietnam or the Gulf, how punishment has been elevated to nobility, including the Death Penalty, for no reason at all, except the frustrations and unhappiness of human beings, that somehow need an outlet, or a way to blame others...very well written, concise, poetic in its starkness, I am happy to back this sometimes profound book.

Glad to have backed this. neat writing. good style. powerful voice.

david
the collector of tales

Your authoritative voice comes across from first line. Personally, I like it. Most agents I know will decline representation after a few paragraphs. They consider it a no-no talking to the reader…especially in something you categorize as fiction.
Honestly, I don’t understand what you’re trying here.
The all narration (all “tell” and no “show”) first chapter does nothing to grab the reader.
Besides being a openly liberal (anti conservative) rambling…why would someone spend the time reading it?
Would suggest you write it as non-fiction. Naturally, you better do lots of research and have the necessary credentials and platform…or if you don’t have those and prefer fiction, write something readers can enjoy. Market if full of works about liberals picking on conservatives and vice-versa (written by a pleiad of PhDs with all kind of impressive backgrounds).
I did read 3 chapters and while I found your wordsmithing interesting and the voice different (in a positive way) there’s not much to make me go on.
I sincerely hope to be wrong (which probably I am) and do hope you’ll find interested agent/publisher. Good luck.

Hey EuroDan,
thanks for commenting.
I know this one is not really any agents tastes, I never really meant it for publishing.
I just wanted to show what a certain type of individuals interpretation of environmental influences could bring about.
I assure you I am neither liberal or conservative, in fact I belong to no political party at all!
Thanks again for taking the time to read and good luck in here.
David

Your authoritative voice comes across from first line. Personally, I like it. Most agents I know will decline representation after a few paragraphs. They consider it a no-no talking to the reader…especially in something you categorize as fiction.
Honestly, I don’t understand what you’re trying here.
The all narration (all “tell” and no “show”) first chapter does nothing to grab the reader.
Besides being a openly liberal (anti conservative) rambling…why would someone spend the time reading it?
Would suggest you write it as non-fiction. Naturally, you better do lots of research and have the necessary credentials and platform…or if you don’t have those and prefer fiction, write something readers can enjoy. Market if full of works about liberals picking on conservatives and vice-versa (written by a pleiad of PhDs with all kind of impressive backgrounds).
I did read 3 chapters and while I found your wordsmithing interesting and the voice different (in a positive way) there’s not much to make me go on.
I sincerely hope to be wrong (which probably I am) and do hope you’ll find interested agent/publisher. Good luck.

I enjoyed both pieces and you are clearly a fluent and engaged writer. I suppose the first one could be classed as a novella, whereas the second is little more than a short story, but both eminently publishable.
Backed Jaye

This is an incredible piece of writing. You raise profound philosophical questions and ask us to consider perspectives that we wouldn't immediately think of, but do so in a way both engaging and entertaining through the medium of a character and the world around him. Being a dunderheaded ignoramus, I admit to getting lost in some places but this is what good literature does best, it challenges and it questions our ways of thinking and I have no hesitation at all in backing it.

Backed with the greatest of pleasure, David, best of luck.

Jack Hughes
Dawn of Shadows.

Intrigued by the pitch. Fascinated by the first few parts but inevitably left wondering where the story is going. Backed simply on the strength of the beauty and clarity of the writing.

Philip John

You use words to bring emotions alive, so that we can all feel them. Backed.

Michael Clifford

SOMETIME IN ANDALUSIA

Very nicely written, I am more than happy to back this.

David, you are such a brilliant writer, and I am happy to book this book as well. You use words very effectively to create the perfect canvas. Backed. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

David,
This book is truly astounding! The writing shows a rare intelligence and is refreshingly meaningful, you are a master of language and I will be surprised to find any work worthy of taking its place on my bookshelf. I have happily backed both of your books and implore you to upload more chapters for both as the only downside I can find in your writing is the huge disappointment I feel when I have ran out of pages to read.

David,
The Civil Unrest reads like a deep philosophical work in classical literature. The Carl Jung quotes at the beginning of each chapter shows the author to be well-read and intelligent. Backed with pleasure.

Thought provoking and emotionally deep, I loved it, both of your books are amazing and will be on my bookshelf for somew time.
BACKED

Thank you all for your kind words,
with these two stories I really wanted to address disillusionment in today's society. The character's stem from my own hatred of the current world situation and my own guilt for not being able to play a part in reshaping it, I guess this book is my attempt at the latter.
If I can reach just one mind and open their eye's to something grander then I will feel more than satisfied!

I've only been here for two days but rest assured I will be reading and commenting on all books i possibly can, bear with me and thanks again, it's so good to be appreciated.

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and your work is extremely character rich. I also really like how you employ the first person narrative voice. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your work a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Dear David, Well, here I am reading & commenting on your 2nd book. :) I love most of all K.I.S.S.: "keep it simple stupid" :) - I had never heard of K.I.S.S. before. :) I love the empathicness, too, in chapter 1. :) I've backed both of your books, now :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear David
and another, congrats. I will continue reading and comment later....
Please take a moment to look, COMMENT which is important to me, and BACK my book. if not that is OK
also
The VERY best of luck to you

BACKED BY ME FOR SURE.
Denise
The Letter

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 1 hour later :)