Tunnels

This is a unique and original tale that is quite compelling as it is very addictive as the more you read, the more you want to find out and so on. Great cover and interesting plot.


Backed and rated,

Lisa

Wonderful style of writing. You have woven a lovely tale of intrigue about controversial topics. Backed with pleasure. All the best, Katherine - The Quizzical Wizards of Id.

Ethan -

Tunnels - The terrrific neglect of a young boy, and then adolescent, returning to a metaphysical womb, the escape through the rape of a virgin, trapping male fantasies in its wake, like a haunting call of a buried anima, forever fascinating, although the childhood friend and cousin, who remembers the deliciously tasting dragonflies, seems to bring some closure. It's a mesmerizing and dream-like read.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

I feel confident in saying this was an awesome read! I love that it's short and you can get a better feel for what is going on in the story. You have tight, vivid writing and that matters with a thriller! If I can read a book and it transports me into another culture or time, I'm happy. Yours did that so I thank you for it! Nice little story you have here.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

This is extremely well written and of a highly original style too. It reads much like an allegorical tale and is none the worse for that. It is in a small niche in this site in that the writing is excellent, the premise clever and the structure and prose erudite.

BACKED

The second story reminded me of Perfume- A Portrait of A Murderer.
Very interesting writing...a pleasure to read. Thank you.
Alison Butler

Wonderfully compelling. Read the whole thing compulsively. Reads like an old Tales of the Unexpected/Tales from the Crypt show. Very much enjoyed.

This is a unique and original tale that is quite compelling as it is very addictive as the more you read, the more you want to find out and so on. Great cover and interesting plot.


Backed and rated,

Lisa

Weirdly evocative, sometimes a little tongue in cheek. Technically good. I read most of it, and saw no errors. It kept my attention though it is far from the type of story I would normally be attracted to. Backed, Marj

This is a very well written story that draws the reader in with consummate ease. I dived into and through the first chapter without coming up for air and shall be reading on with great pleasure (only stopping to post this comment).
Very well done.
An easy shelving.
Steve.

Hi Ethan

I just kept on reading, dying to know what was going on. Really clever, interesting and well-written. Backed.

Nicole
Chosen

Wonderful style of writing. You have woven a lovely tale of intrigue about controversial topics. Backed with pleasure. All the best, Katherine - The Quizzical Wizards of Id.

I love your writing style. It reminds me of Richard Brautigan for some reason. Something like the Hawkline Monster, or So The Wind Won't Blow It All Away. I love the line: "for they had truly forgotten that the boy had ever existed, and forgot about the tunnel as well." I'm compelled to read much further and will once I get a little more time. Very intriguing: "The dean was certain that this energy, though not something so simple as 'evil,' would destroy him, his university, and perhaps the entire Midwestern town, if it were not placated with an indeterminate number of sacrifices." Hmmm . . . virgin sacrifices? I'll be back. Backed for now.

Ethan -

Tunnels - The terrrific neglect of a young boy, and then adolescent, returning to a metaphysical womb, the escape through the rape of a virgin, trapping male fantasies in its wake, like a haunting call of a buried anima, forever fascinating, although the childhood friend and cousin, who remembers the deliciously tasting dragonflies, seems to bring some closure. It's a mesmerizing and dream-like read.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Very different and entertaining, backed

I feel confident in saying this was an awesome read! I love that it's short and you can get a better feel for what is going on in the story. You have tight, vivid writing and that matters with a thriller! If I can read a book and it transports me into another culture or time, I'm happy. Yours did that so I thank you for it! Nice little story you have here.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Ok, these people are blowing smoke up your bum, my friend. Either that or they have no idea what they are talking about. Either way, their comments are not going to help you improve as a writer. You have a very interesting pitch. I’m sure this is a very marketable subject matter. But an engaging premise is only half the battle. You have to be able ton express your vision in a attractive and engaging form. Your prose, unfortunately, is awkward and very passive. As I was reading I was hard pressed to find active prose.


She felt something brush against her arm…should be…Something brushed against her arm.

Li Ling felt something she would describe, yada, yada yada yada as weightlessness. Should be…. She felt weightless. Yes, pronouns are real and can be used when referring to the same character over several paragraphs. Do not bury your narrative under overwrought fluff.


If you write with an active voice you transport your reader into the moment so they feel as though they are seeing the action as it unfolds. Passive writing makes them feel as though they are being told what happened after the fact. Weave some active prose and dialogue in with your narration.



She tried to hold her legs closed but could not. It wasn’t that her legs yada yada yada, but rather yada yada, and her muscles were not responding yada yada yada.

Should be…She tried to hold her legs apart as best she could, but her muscles would not respond.

You lose the intensity of the moment by burying the narrative under so much fluff. The reader can’t immerse themselves in the moment and feel your character’s helplessness if they are wading through flowery speech. Also, try to avoid dissecting your passages down to the mechanics of the scene. There is no literary value to the “signals to the brain” bit... unless it is intrinsic to the plot, and I don’t believe it is. Everyone knows the basics of the brain/muscle relationship, no tutorial needed. I can see a strong voice trying to emerge but you are pushing way too hard, when you should be letting it flow naturally. Relax and tell your story. Let it flow out naturally, don’t force it. Don’t add fluff to cover up lack of content. When rounding out sentences that seem short, do so with active character development. make sure to count syllables, not words. Don’t make up crap off the top of your head just to accommodate your meter. Meter and flow are very import and, and should be considered first---but make sure you are rounding out your syllable counts with meaningful content relevant to the plot or character development. And not spur of the moment filler that sounds like it might literary. Thoughtful readers will see though it. Honest writing shines and is more compelling, so be honest with your reader at all times. And don’t try to pull the wool over their eyes.

All and all promising premise, however the almost completely passive voice becomes tedious. Hone your intuition for story telling in an active voice and polish this. Hope this feedback is helpful, or at lest gives you something to think about.

Please read some of my book when you have time, and let me know what you think. And goodluck with your manuscript.



blueboy

This is extremely well written and of a highly original style too. It reads much like an allegorical tale and is none the worse for that. It is in a small niche in this site in that the writing is excellent, the premise clever and the structure and prose erudite.

BACKED

Tunnels

Ethan Sinaisky

Dreams and dragonflies appeal to me and with an American/Chinese setting, what's not to like? A Chinese national winning the nobel peace prize this year is also good enough reason for me to read more about China and this story about a boy without a name - "everyman"? Anyway, thanks for supporting mine - looking forward to taking a closer look at yours as soon as I can make the time. Looks very interesting and backed in the meantime with pleasure.

Dear Ethan
love this book so far will carry on reading... will comment more later
BACKED FOR SURE BY ME
Denise
The Letter
please take time to comment and back my book if you feel so, if not that is OK also thank you and the VERY best of luck

You have written a very interesting, erotic and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a rich cast of characters. Your use of imagery is excellent and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing makes your thriller a pleasure to read. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

You are totally fantastic, Ethan! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book?
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

Dear Ethan, I love that you made individual stories that centered on the lake :) - quite ingenious! :) Your pitch prepared me for this & it is unique how you had the central theme. :) Tight paragraphs made for an easy fast read. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

How wonderful! This is fantastic!

Solid and grasping

backed with the uttmost pleasure
THE MIND SETTER

this is an fascinating story told in an original way... a cultural setting is different, which helps to make this all work; on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

Thank you for your comment! I will be checking out SEASONS.

this is an fascinating story told in an original way... a cultural setting is different, which helps to make this all work; on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

Something for everyone here in this book! I love reading about places I have never been so this should be a riveting read! Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 6 hours ago :)