Book Jacket

 

rank 999
word count 10882
date submitted 07.10.2010
date updated 10.05.2013
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Fantasy, Horror
classification: moderate
incomplete

Everywhere That Mary Went

Shannon Celebi

Twenty-five years ago, Jesse’s cousin, Mary, mysteriously vanished. Now, a sinister phone call lures him back to his hometown, where nothing has changed...except Jesse himself.

 

Jesse Hart used to be somebody: a doctor and a daddy and a man rolled up in one. But that was before his daughter died, before his wife left him, before his lone companion became a bottle of single malt scotch. Hell, if Jesse is being honest with himself, he hasn’t been somebody for twenty-five years, since the day his cousin, Mary, mysteriously vanished.

Now, Jesse answers the phone to hear the one person he never expected. “Mary?” And he races back to his hometown of Twin Oaks, NC, vowing to put his cousin’s memory to rest, once and for all. The trouble is Twin Oaks keeps its secrets well, even from one of their own—a handful of locals with strange silver eyes, a pack of endangered red wolves that have taken refuge in the pine trees south of town—and suddenly, finding Mary becomes the least of Jesse’s concerns. There’s a new string of disappearances, little girls who look like Mary, making Jesse the last somebody he ever wanted to be: the prime suspect.

 
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tags

abduction, american south, gothic americana, horror, missing, missing persons, mystery, north carolina, opensky, scary, scary mary, shannon celebi, so...

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79 comments

 

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Su Dan wrote 342 days ago

your style is clear and stylish, telling your tale with great effect...
backed...
read SEASONS...

Jessie228 wrote 417 days ago

This book looks really twisted...I like it:P lol

Wanttobeawriter wrote 620 days ago

EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT
This is an interesting mystery. Not only is a child missing but she seems to be sending eerie messages about herself. Jessie seems like a good person to be able to solve this mystery – altho I was disappointed to see him smoking; didn’t he read any of those medical books on lung cancer in med school? I’m also wondering why you didn’t choose to read this in a Time New Roman rather than a newspaper font; makes the print come out light and difficult to read. Either way, this is a good story. You’ve imparted an interesting haunting tone into it. I’m starring it and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Kristin S. Ward wrote 753 days ago

Sorry that it took me so long to get back to your book. I just love your smile. You look so warm and friendly. I hate to say this but I hate the font of your book. What I like about your book is that it is short and precise and straght to the point. I had a hard time find anything that didn't flow with the story. The dialogue was so well done that it almost felt real.

FrancesK wrote 767 days ago

Hi Shannon. This book has some great moments, and I loved the start, how Jesse relates to Mary and looks after her, and your subtle suggestion that Jesse has a lot of female in his character [which might be interesting later on]. There are occasional moments of sentimentality, as opposed to feelings, where I felt things were spelt out too much for my liking, but the mystery of Mary's disappearance and Jesse's loyalty to her memory leads us neatly back into the remembered past. Small town life is beautifully observed, and the on/off romance with Paulette rings true, but your last chapter seems to be repeating what we already know, and I was impatient to move the story on. I read all the chapters at a gallop, though - sure sign that you have something special here - Frances K

Tom Bye wrote 802 days ago

hello Shannon -
book Everywhere that Mary went--

read eight chapters of this book last night and made some notes-
The cover brought me in for the read and more so the last line of
the pitch- now i know it's a who,done it-

found it to be a quirky type of story line and nicely written -
Shaping up to be a gripping small town thriller-
As Dr Jesse looks for the clues as to Mary's abduction -

tom bye
book -from hugs to kisses'
oblige and read some of mine please- you might like chapters
28 and 39

BrettC wrote 815 days ago

Just read the first chapter and will be making time to read more. It read really well and apart from a few minor issues such as 'he'd had known' I could find little wrong with the whole chapter. It intrigued me and the voice you have created for Jesse is so real that I can almost hear him. It draws you in and I definitely want to read more.

Helianthus wrote 815 days ago

I can only echo the previous comment - I read all eleven chapters in one sitting and I wish there was more of this up. You've given me goosebumps. Beautiful work.

Jenise M. Aaron wrote 833 days ago

I read all eleven chapters in one go. I couldn't stop. Your descriptions are so striking and you juggle multiple plotlines and weave them together so deftly. I wish you had posted more because I am definitely hooked on this story and would love to read how it ends. Though I knew it was coming, my heart broke when Mary disappeared and her subsequent appearances made my skin prickle. You do an excellent job helping your readers to get inside your characters' heads. I feel like I know Jesse and can feel the pain he's been living with for the past twenty years.

Thank you so much for sharing this. It was a great read and I am definitely going to add it to my bookshelf.

Julio Guzman wrote 908 days ago

This is really dark, creepy, gothic....and I love it! I only read the first chapter but you already filled the reader with suspense and the big question "Where did Mary go?" I'll be honest I was a little worried I wouldn't like this book because of the overly creepy cover (I was extremely scared of Chuckie looking things since I was a kid lol) but grew to like your story :) good luck!

Emily M wrote 928 days ago

Every now and then I come across a book on this site that I just can't stop reading. Yours is one of them, and it's beyond me why it languishes in the 1100's when it deserves to have gotten a medal months ago. I have no thoughts or suggestions for you...in my opinion, this book is perfect just the way it is. And I never say that.

If you ever post more, please let me know...the last chapter left me hanging, and I'm dying to read more!

Emily

daveocelot wrote 928 days ago

Hello Shannon,

I only intended to have a quick gander at this and ended up reading all that you'd posted. I missed "X Factor" because of you! Although, I think if I'd gone downstairs to watch it I would have missed your book more.

I'm trying to give better critique these days, so I began by making notes as I went along. But after a while I got all boxed up in the plot and forgot about it, so this is all I have:

Ch3: Didn't really understand how Jesse had ketchup stains on his trousers if he'd only been eating tootsie rolls.
Ch(forgot to write down the number): This bit "...a headache only half-contrived by the most macabre of professional torturers" almost gave me a migraine myself as I tried to make sense of it. Couldn't you just say he had a bad headache?
Ch9: Typo "starlit" for "starlet"

Sorry I'm not more help, but its really your own fault for crafting such an engrossing read. What you have here is a "yarn" and I mean that in the very best sense of the word - simply and effectively presented, creepy, crafty and compelling. Excellent work, well done!

Dave

QuinnYA wrote 940 days ago

I have to say this is one of the most polished pieces I've come across. Either that or I got drawn so far into the writing I missed it. I think maybe both! What happened to Mary! Your descriptions are wonderful, simple and not too wordy. As a reader I saw it easitly. The creepy gothic feel starts right away in 1985 and continues into present day. I'm at chapter 3 and I am absolutely reading on. I want to know more about Jesse. You've got something special here ;)

Starred for now but will absolutely go on my shelf, probably next week. Good luck with this, I'm keeping my eye on it!
missy

Catherine Edmunds wrote 942 days ago

Cover: strong and eye-catching. Good choice of image as it works well as a thumbnail. Can't read the text on my pc, but that's not important.

Short pitch: in the first sentence, the subject is Mary. (Check this if you're not sure by turning the word order round, ie, Mary, Jesse's cousin, mysteriously vanished twenty-five years ago.) The second sentence begins 'Now, a sinister phone call lures him back...' Grammatically, the 'him' should refer to Mary (though it obviously doesn't). This is a small point, but it might be worth re-wording the short pitch so that the grammar is immaculate, as this is the first thing anyone reads.

Long pitch: the material is good and intriguing, but the grammar pedants like myself might feel a bit uneasy about the incomplete sentences. I know this is common enough practice for blurbs, so is probably justified, but I'd still be a bit careful about doing it.

Chapter One: A few incomplete sentences and too many commas early on, but once you settle into your stride with the story it flows well with no obvious problems. The descriptions are superb. I know exactly where I am with this story, even though it's in a country I've never visited and completely different to anywhere I've ever been. The two children are clearly depicted without resorting to unnecessary physical descriptions. The key points are Mary's head injury and the resultant disability, and these are handled convincingly. The family set-up is clear, and by the end of this first chapter I'm seriously concerned about Mary's safety, which is how it should be. It makes me want to read on.

Chapter two: the segue into the second chapter is seamless despite the time gap. This is very strongly written stuff. Completely gripping. I'm hooked. Onto Chapter three... except that I don't have time at the moment. I'll have to leave it there, but this one's definitely going on my bookshelf. Thank you for a great read!

Philthy wrote 944 days ago

Hi Shannon,

As I said in a message, your pitch really intrigued me. So, here I am!

Title: Fantastic and catchy. An easy reference to attract attention, yet I’ve never seen it used.
Cover: I love it. Spooky. Very creepy. Though I think the letters could pop better. Maybe give then a subtle outer glow or white border? Just a thought.
Short pitch: I’d take out “Mary.” I’m not sure we need to know her name to get the point enough to be hooked into the story. Also, I’m not fond of the “nothing has changed…except everything.” Kind of cheesy, to be frank and blunt.
Long pitch: “How his cousin Mary vanished without a trace one warm summer day.” This isn’t a complete thought. Is the sentence missing something, like “…is a mystery to him” or something?
Ditto for the next line.

“where every small town smile hides a lie” This is absolutely excellent!

“And in every lie, a clue” I’d make this part of the previous sentence…probably by semicolon.

“To where Mary went. And to where Jesse Hart went wrong…all those years ago…” The sentences should be combined. Moreover, these are more incomplete thoughts. Also, I don’t think the ellipse fits at the end.
I think you have all the elements here, but it needs to be scrubbed a bit.

Chapter one:

“caught of flash” should be caught a flash?
That second paragraph should be broken up a bit. The whole five-six lined paragraph is a one-sentenced run-on.

I love your imagery. Love it! And while there are a few small grammatical nuances that might need some scrubbing, the writing’s very clean and polished. This is very, very good, and I’m thrilled to have come across it.

I’ve got a slew of things queued for shelving right now, but will consider it when I have space. For now, at the very least, I’ve six-starred it. I love this site, but my biggest pet peeve is how some books make it high up the charts undeservedly and other gems falter. Slush pile writing communities don’t really measure books by the merit of the story or writing. That said, this is a treat to read, and I’ll be recommending it to folks. Deserves to be much, much higher than it is. Hopefully you already know that. Thanks so much for sharing this and good luck!

If you’re interested, I’d love to hear your thoughts on my story. Certainly no obligations. I checked out your story because it captured me, and I wasn’t disappointed.

All the best,

Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

~Evangeline~ wrote 949 days ago

Shannon

As promised, a return read.

First I need to say - of the comment below - that when JayG says "It gives me no pleasure to say this ..." the exact opposite is true. The man lives to put other people down. He is hateful. You may find some actual good advice hidden within his diatribe, but his motives are entirely spiteful. Do not let him hurt you or your self confidence as a writer. You have every reason to be confident. And proud. JayG could not get near you on his best day.

Your first chapter combines detail and colour with atmosphere, characterization, and a steadily growing sense of inevitable impending doom. The only quibble I have is that it may be a little heavy handed to foreshadow Jesse's career choices at this point.

Chapters two and three give me nothing to quibble about. I would read on but as you know, I have a lot of reads to return so I shall simply make a note to come back later and read more. It quite honestly staggers me that writing this good is not receiving more attention.

All the very best

Evie

Emma Parker wrote 954 days ago

Wow. I think it was Becca that recommended your book and I'm so glad she did! Otherwise, it may have taken me forever to find it! This is some powerful and emotional writing. Great characters and brilliantly freaky storyline. I've starred you highly and will definitely put you on my list for shelf rotation.

Emma

bunderful wrote 955 days ago

Your first chapter is breathtaking. But I have to say that I was originally turned off by your cover. It made the book look like a horror story and I am really not interested in reading that sort of thing. I like your title and your concept a lot though. And your writing is clear - your characters are well fleshed out and interesting. Unless I am missing something and the book is a horror story...dark is one thing, but your cover really made me think horror.

Anyhow - the little details like Mary's hair, the Scooby Doo backpack etc. really made this book stand out and stick out in my mind. If the rest of it is written as well as this then you will certainly find yourself with a book contract very soon.

Really good stuff here. Highly starred.

- Rena (Bunderful)

edieeverson wrote 1138 days ago

Just finished all you have here. I'm really enjoying it. I look forward to finding out what happens! I have my suspicions... I also enjoyed your writing. I pictured everything like it was movie playing out in my head.

kendra ann ziems wrote 1139 days ago

enjoyed reading and added to my watchlist to read at a later date. wondered if you would peek at my book and give me some feedback r/t us being in similiar genres. thanks.
kendra ziems/autumn lullaby

Frank James wrote 1147 days ago

Hi Shannon,

----where every small town smile hides a lie. I just love that phrase. I managed a few chapters and I liked it very much. I'm looking forward to reading a few more chapters over the weekend. I like your book enough to give it my BACKING and wish you all the best with your writing in the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Cariad wrote 1149 days ago

This is excellent. I've read five chapters and have to go to bed. From the beginning the writing is pretty much faultless, with an easy voice that rolls the reader along through the story. Your descriptions bring the setting to life and your characters to reality. They become real believable people. Dialogue is natural and to the point and the small details are what make the people and their actions familiar and real. I shall be reading on tomorrow, and will shelve you next month when I change over. Impressed.
Cariad
STONES.

sparc wrote 1153 days ago

You intricately weave your words together in tapestrys of script that is truly magnificent, while also being simple and easy to read.

I have only read 2 chapters but I can't wait to come back for more. Jesse is a great character and I love the mystery of what happened to Mary

I don't read fiction, in fact I despise it. Until now!

Thank you so much for making it possible to read fiction. I can't put it down!

sparc

Lara wrote 1157 days ago

The opening is atmospheric and you quickly focus on the central story line allowing us to sympathise with your MC. It's skillfully done and I award you high stars. (Shelf is full, so stuck with that thanks to Authonomy).
Lara
GOOD FOR HIM
A FEAST OF TALES

StarSeeker wrote 1158 days ago

I love this. I have nothing to add except that I'm coming back to finish at least what you have downloaded here--I might even be back to beg for more.
Sue

Nigel Fields wrote 1162 days ago

Shannon,
I read the first three chapters so far and am truly impressed. Elegant writing, pulling at the heart from the outset. Jesse is a great MC, and the premise, intriguing. I have to come back for more. WL'd and starred (6).
Cheers!
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden)

edieeverson wrote 1162 days ago

I enjoyed the first chapter! Look forward to reading on.

LD Hilley II wrote 1169 days ago

Wow! Really got caught up in this!

edieeverson wrote 1170 days ago

Look forward to reading this! I'm from a small town, so I love small town stories.

edieeverson wrote 1170 days ago

Look forward to reading this! I'm from a small town, so I love small town stories.

suzieq306 wrote 1170 days ago

This is a gripping story and I am happy to back this book.

Francene Stanley wrote 1174 days ago

Great first chapter. I love the empathy and understanding Jesse shows towards his damaged cousin, and how it affects him to want to heal others.

Your writing is superb and your voice unique. Conflict aplenty in chapter 1 with more promised. And I'll read more of your tempting story when time permits.

Backed and high starred.

Francene. Still Rock Water.

Jacoba wrote 1174 days ago

A great opening. I'll be back to read more. Your writing style is very natural and you deliver the characters well. You have created a great hook, to entice the reader to want more. I am seeking good reads as I've finished a few books on here now and I will definitely come back to read more of this. Cheers Jacoba

Owen Quinn wrote 1178 days ago

Good gripping story that carries you along to solve the mystery. evocative atmosphere as Jesse faces the truth of the past. Would like to see this live action

azwrites wrote 1180 days ago

This unfinished book has every potential of being the paranatural thriller we all dream of writing. Its first chapters give us the hint of what's to come while the characters make us anxious to know what is in store for them. There is a bit of jigger bugging between the past and present that some readers will take a while to get accustomed to but the effort is well worth it. The writing is visual, the setting appropriate to its atmosphere.
Did I mention I liked it?
Jim Coplin
Bite Mark

billysunday wrote 1180 days ago

I really like your book. You do a wonderful emphathetic job explaining Mary's sad situation. Your character Jesse is how EVERYONE should treat people with impairments. 5 stars for good writing. If you have a chance, please check out 33 or Halo of the Damned. Dina

billysunday wrote 1182 days ago

Like your cover and intro. Backed and ready to read. If a chance, please check out Halo of the Damned or 33-Dina

bookjacket wrote 1191 days ago

Your manuscript has these two words: Literary Merit. But wow, I was not expecting Mary's character to be dark.

Rated very high and watchlisted.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

Kat51 wrote 1202 days ago

Backed Everywhere That Mary Went. I am not an author but love to escape reality by reading. Weekend at big Cedar Lodge in Branson Missouri, glass of Riesling, logs on the fire, and a scary book is my idea of a good time. Your book was recommended by CC Brown author of Dark Side. Read, liked, star rated, and backed. Hope you will find a place on your shelf for their book.
Kat51

ARBraun wrote 1211 days ago

I really liked your book, and I added it to my watchlist. Most of the novels on here don't keep me reading like yours did. I love the rich characterization. This is definitely a character-driven tale, but the plot is strong.

Nits:

There are a couple cliches that start out the book: "Mary, Mary, quite contrary" and "Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater." I'd delete those and think of a couple clever sayings of your own. Plus, you used "alright." The correct grammar is "all right."

Keep writing; you've got plenty of talent.

suzieq306 wrote 1212 days ago

I love the setting and the characters. The South is spooky with its lies and secrets. I haven't finished, but it is a great start.

M. A. McRae. wrote 1234 days ago

I like this one very much, and wish I could read it all. Backed as soon as I have a space on my shelf. Marj.

RPK wrote 1236 days ago

Shannon, you have a really strong book here. I don't know if you classify this as pure horror, but it's easily one of the best books from the genre on authonomy. The beginning is particularly evocative, especially the description of Mary, who has been scarred by an accident.

This MS appears to be of a high quality already, but there are some things you can tighten, IMO. For instance, I don't think you need the phrase "when he thought she couldn't hear him", which, for me, kind of pulled me out of the moment. You may want to take a look at your usage of character names. They seemed to start a lot of paragraphs, and in many cases, you could get away with he or she.

I've read through a couple of chapters, and looked forward to reading more as time permits. Shelved. Definitely one of the most enjoyable stories I've read on this site.

--R.P. Kraul, MIRRORS OF ANGUISH

Becca wrote 1240 days ago

I've been meaning to read this for some time. I heard a podcast of one of your stories that was simple amazing and two other authors on this site I have been long friends with said your upload here was a good read as well. So... here I am!
Love the opening style and you weave evocative descriptive detail into the narrative with ease. And those details are what make your writing come to life--too-big overalls, knobby knees... even in the absence of motion you provide detail--no swirls of dust, no footprints except his own, not even her fuzzy Scooby Doo back pack. the torn patch of white-blue denim caught in the thorn of Mrs Carter's prize rose bushes (I have prize hydrangeas on my book's second chapter, so I thought this was neat).
The characters are well drawn, the POV expertly handled, and the pace excellent. Great hook--shaping up to be top notch horror novel.
Even your backstory as it's handled is a great read. It helps us understand Mary's situation through Jesse's perspective. He's a likable character in that he's kinder to her and has more compassion toward her than others, but he's also human in that he does get embarrassed by Mary

The way you describe her hair growing back around the scars was fantastic too, and your verb choices throughout are perfect. You can *feel* the words, and you have a great control over language.

Sorry, I'm gushing here. It's worthy of gushing though. You've mastered all areas--even your dialogue is outstanding, which is a rough spot for many writers, even those published. I have a lot of confidence in your writing and plan to read more. For now I am placing this on my shelf for the week and plan to make it part of my short-list rotation.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Sandra Davidson wrote 1240 days ago

Shannon, I've starred your book. My only criticism is not really a criticism. You have a lot of flashbacks, but I understand why you use them. Still, I'm not a fan of them.

I think the pace of your book could be a little faster, but all in all, I really enjoyed reading your chapters.

Lady Midnight wrote 1265 days ago

Hi Shannon. Took a look at your first chapter. What can I say? The writing is tight, focused and it’s obvious you have a fantastic imagination. I became instantly engaged by Jesse and Mary. His love and compassion for his cousin comes over instantly. Her helplessness and innocence the same. I’ve outlined my thoughts below and hope they’re of some use.

Descriptions:
…splashing angry rain onto the road. Creates an instant “picture” in the reader’s mind.
The only thing she’d left behind… great hook at the end of the chapter.

Nitpicks:
Repetition: (Up) and (up) the long narrow lane, Jesse tore (up) dust… This is a great piece of description, only marred by the repetition of the bracketed words. The 1st two are fine, but suggest replacing the 3rd with: Jesse churned the dust with his sneakers burning… Something along those lines.
Typo: “Mind (you) business… bracketed word should be “your.”

Linda Lou wrote 1270 days ago

EVERYWHERE THAT MARY WENT-Shannon Celebi
hullo Shannon. what I like best about this book is the suspense of the South. It is as real as life, everyday, something that Southerner's hold close to their hearts. great story. Already shelved and backed.
Please take a look at my book if you have not and thanks for that if you have.
Linda Lou Long
Southern dis-Comfort
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=11421

Sandra Davidson wrote 1274 days ago

hi Shannon,
I just read all your chapters and backed your book. We both write in the same genre, both have a wolf on our cover, both have a missing chid, but our stories are completely different. It was fun reading your story. I found it very intriguing and well written and I wish you great success with EVERY WHERE THAT MARY WENT.
Sandra Davidson - COLD MOON RISING -now a Kindle book with a new title BORROWED TROUBLE

Eunice Attwood wrote 1274 days ago

I love a great mystery, and this one ticks all the boxes. The characters are engaging, and the story compelling. Backed Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

CarolinaAl wrote 1274 days ago

A gripping journey filled with surprises. Well-crafted characters with real emotions. Splintered lives. Excellent dialogue and narrative. Compelling tension. Intriguing storyline. Lucid writing. A stiring read. Backed.

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