ARCANE

“Arcane” is such an intricate and engrossing story that I’m reading it with bated breath, my heart feverishly thumping; Carl, I’m filled with admiration for your wild imagination.
“Arcane” is an inimitable blend of thriller, horror and fantasy, a book that is one of a kind, with no decent equal now and in the future.
Read and backed with pleasure.

Ivan.

Arcane - The really horrible thing about Carl Wilde's futuristic book is that it could happen. And what a savage world, brought about by monetary greed, the lust for control and contempt for 90% of the populace, he paints with broad and confident brushstrokes. Some lyrical writing heightens the ever present menace in certain passages, for example, 'the tip of the syringe - looked like it was sweating as a tear drop.'
Main character, Arlick Frances, immediately elicits the reader's empathy. Good writing gives more than a sense of his disorientation upon reaching consciousness and apprehension at the Religious' appearance, making this a very strong opening to the book.
Biggest Nitpick: Dietrich Rolex, the name jarred me slightly out of the read - reminded me of a very expensive brand name watch.

Nanty - Chrys!

I have a deep fascination for works that focus upon the destruction and end of mankind, to see how people would react to a specific situation in dire circumstances. Your book does this perfectly. A world doomed to extinction, turned on it's head by a virus that threatens to erradicate their existance.
It's dark, and filled with a sense of despair, but through it all, there is a lingering sense of hope.
What would you do to survive in a world you knew was corrupted?
What would you do to save those you loved?
What would you do to hide your part in the overall destruction?
I found myself pulled straight into the heart of the story, wanting to know what was to become of the world, of its people. Arlick's need to find and protect his family, to destroy any who stand in his way, able to turn from the sight of two flayed corpses, but willing to kill any that come between him and his family?
This is a character that is very easy to relate to, and I think you have done extremely well in capturing his thoughts and emotions regarding the events around him.

As always, backed. I look forward to seeing where goes:)
Bron

Carl -

Arcane - Great evokation of darkness. Apt term ... archaic constitutional fallacy ... The story deserves careful reading. You have already sufficient advice for your next edit, all easy things to fix, and worth it. The theme is highly relevant and comes from a deep concern and love for humanity, which touches. Catching up here on rating. And thanks for your generous support of CoM, for which I'm grateful.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Wow! An amazing, amazing piece of work! A thriller, science fiction novel, full of fantastical moments..!
I love the beginning, and the main plot slowly drawn out in the second chapter, where we are given a glimpse of what is happening..
I love the words you've used, the point you've driven home.. The black abyss you've described, and simply, simply beautiful descriptions of the happenings..!

I absolutely love it! Good luck!
Poorwa Y. Kamat-Tarkar
The Sign of The Maya

Carl, Very intelligent writing indeed. i can see this doing really well as it will grab the reader and hold them right where you want them. I like the way you have thought this through and put the story together. I cant even imagine where you would start with something like this. Great story with a nice flow to it. Well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks Sean

This in an interesting book. While there is need for some basic editing (what book doesn't need editing?) there is some really compelling work here. You write in a form of poetry without it actually being poetry and that is enough to make me want to keep reading. There is a strong plot here with plenty of potential. Good work!

I really like the third person point of view of the man lying on the bed with, “nothing to cling to, only the cruel bright light”. I can picture him lying there, and his thoughts convey a feeling he can’t make sense of.

It’s very ambitious and difficult to convey a feeling in third person that no one could make sense of. He’s looking for a connection, unable to relate to everyday objects. It’s a tough one to achieve, but you've done well.

There’s something not right in the paragraph beginning, “His attempt to respond instinctively…” Should it be “He attempted to respond…”?

Another reviewer has mentioned an editor, and I agree that one would circle some unnecessary words.

“Encompassing security”. Just “security” on its own will do because security is encompassing.

“Oppressed sense of worthlessness”. Just “sense of worthlessness” will do because a sense of worthlessness is oppressed.

And, “correlate with his current condition” ie just “correlate with his condition”. His condition is his condition. ‘Current’ is over-egging the cake.

The excellent point of view achieved in the opening, shifts a bit too much away from the man on the bed when the preacher appears. We step away from the main character a little too much, when he’s described as, “the stranger”.

“The only body part that the stranger could make out…” Why not stick with “he”? It’s worked very well so far. He’s only a stranger to the preacher, not to the reader.

But I’ll say it again, this is really a great idea, and very difficult to pull off, but I’ve seen a lot of energy, friction and movement here. It’s good to see it doing well, and I hope I’ve helped in some small way. Well done and good luck with this. I'll be keeping a close eye on it - Ian

Dear Carl,

The short pitch is excellent. The long pitch is equally good with some rather quirky use of punctuation. :-)
That same approach is also noted in the rest of your narrative. If not deliberately ignored, it can somewhat tarnish the otherwise gratifying reading experience. On the positive side though, the primary theme and intrinsic message are far too powerful to be subdued by literary idiosyncrasies.

The post-apocalyptic world that you describe is frighteningly realistic and the notion that Armageddon may have already passed us is absolutely brilliant. That the worst may already be upon us is a depressing thought, to say the least. There’s a need to make such work accessible to a larger audience. Consequently, a few sentences may need to be shortened and big words forfeited in favour of simpler ones.

My rating: 6 stars, and I look forward to reading the rest of this marvellous extract. Much like the very best of abstract art, ARCANE is a very impressive rendering of your inner thoughts and perception of reality.
Best of luck with it.

Sincere regards,
AGC

...The beginning of chapter one has the same types of problems as the pitch. You need a good solid editor. My first diagnosis: you're using big words for the sake of using big words, not because they are the best for getting your meaning across. While I love post-cataclysmic literature, your hook of an amnesiac waking up from a nightmare quickly loses any effect as I'm trying to wade through words to figure out what message you are trying to get across. A priest (?) comes in, tells the guy he's been raving for days but he wrote it all down, says "I'm going to tell you your story, maybe that will help with the nightmares", and then he takes the guy's hand and *something* happens and the priest is leaving and I have no idea what the point of it was.

Your pitch needs some work - the punctuation doesn't make any sense, and I can't get a sense of what's going on. For example, this sentence: "For Arlick Frances though, who at forty one, and forced to live between the possibilities of a parallel existence." -you have two modifying phrases, but no actual verb-predicate to tell me what's different for Arlick. You must have changed the pitch since I put this on my watchlist, since this no longer looks like something I would read. Moving on to chapter one anyway, to see if I can figure out what I thought I would like about it...

I read the first half of chapter one five weeks ago. I read the second half today (I started at "He would be Rolex's lure to find the ones he loved.")

General comments: A captivating start to what appears to be an imaginative story. A well fleshed out main character. Good deep point of view. Thought-provoking narrative. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the second half of the first chapter:
1) ' ... that they only seen as a drain on the Earth's natural resources.' 'Seen' should be 'saw.'
2) 'The pale sensation from the Moons essence ... ' Moons (plural) should be Moon's (possessive).
3) 'A fight she had given up so easily once before, for the sake of her families lives ... ' Families (plural) should be family's (possessive).
4) "The story of a Soul, whose compunction refused to lose sight of his goal"! Put the exclamation mark inside the closing quote mark. Punctuation always goes inside the quote marks. There are more cases where dialogue punctuation is outside the quote mark when it should be inside the quote mark.
5) Her time was running out, "Rolex and his Henchmen would be here soon". Period after 'out.' The only time a narrative sentence before dialogue is punctuated with a comma is when that sentence is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). 'Her time was running out' is clearly not a dialogue tag so it should be punctuated with a period. Also, as mentioned above, the punctuation of the dialogue sentence goes inside the final quote mark.
6) "I was ready to give him the drug, because I was told you were delayed Dietrich". Remove the comma after 'drug.' It's unnecessary. Comma after 'delayed.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases where someone is addressed in dialogue and their name or title is not offset with commas. And, put the dialogue punctuation inside the final quote mark.
7) " ... when the destitution outside is building so fast, that It won't be a matter of food anymore." Remove the comma after 'fast.' It's not necessary. Also, 'It' should be lowercase.
8) " ... For his generous application to the future of mankind," Period after 'mankind.'
9) 'And especially in Dietrich Roloex's' world, knowing what her ineptitude had created!' Rolex's' should be Rolex's.

I hope this critique and the one I did five weeks ago will help you polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Have a fabulous day.

Al

This is a briliant commentary on the characteristics of mankind and what could be. I see it sitting on the shelf along with the writing of George Orwell. Well done.
I couldn't figure out why it switched from plaintext to italics around the middle. Or if it had a purpose and that's just how it got uploaded.:o)
On my WL for now!
Blessings,
Laura A. Diaz
"Come What May"

This is indeed a blend of many things. This story is captivating...

hello Carl ' Arcane'
i read this book of yours some 111 days ago and backed it, came in again last night to read more of the engrossing story. yes, it still has me captivated, with its brooding humour and dark approach.
A very deep and well written story that deserves to be published/
i have rated it with six stars, and fully deserved.
good luck Carl
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'

hello Carl ' Arcane'
i read this book of yours some 111 days ago and backed it, came in again last night to read more of the engrossing story. yes, it still has me captivated, with its brooding humour and dark approach.
A very deep and well written story that deserves to be published/
i have rated it with six stars, and fully deserved.
good luck Carl
tom bye 'from hugs to kisses'

I read the first half of chapter one. I stopped because I reached my self-imposed limit of ten comments.

General comments: An imaginative start. A sympathetic main character. Thought-provoking narrative. Good descriptions. Dream like atmosphere. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on first half of chapter one:
1) 'He felt himself falling endlessly ... ' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the feeling so the reader can experience the falling sensations right along with the character. This will pull the reader deeper into your story, When you do this, 'he felt' is implied. There are more cases of using 'felt.'
2) "But the faces," The familiarity ... Period after 'faces.'
3) 'Some part of his sub consciousness refused to surrender ... ' 'Sub consciousness' is one word.
4) ' ... encircled a solitary gold coloured crucifix ... ' Hyphenate 'gold coloured.'
5) "But what does that tell me." Punctuate this question with a question mark.
6) 'he was concerned, ...' Capitalize 'he.' Also, 'he was concerned' is telling. Consider showing this important emotion so the reader can experience it along with the character.
7) ' ... another knock at the door showing the visitors respect, ... ' Visitors (plural) should be visitor's (possessive). There are more cases of plural form being used when possessive form is appropriate.
8) ' ... almost double in size on the six foot two inch frame that filled the open doorway.' Hyphenate 'six foot' and two inch.'
9) "Steady Son!" Comma after 'steady.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma. There are more cases of this type of problem.
10) "He would be Rolex's lure, to find the ones he loved". Period goes inside the closing quote mark.

I hope this critique helps you to further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire" and let me know what you think of it?

Have a sensational day.

Al

Hi Carl, A frightening narrative. Shades of the master race idea as old as the hills and one of the Nazi's theme songs. The world you predicate is a place of no hope ruled by egotistical psycopaths. It is strangely echoed by the events in the middle east today; particularly in Libya. Not many would have foreseen that the internet would evoke the release of those oppressed by dictatorship and that therefore is a force that would operate in the world you describe. I'm an optimist you will note! Well written but decidely spooky.
Backed-good luck with it.
Best Walt.

Carl,
I've just gotten my feet wet with authonomy and was fortunate enough to come across "Arcane." The dark narrative style got me hooked. I'm now following Arlicks's ambitious plan to save all he cares for. What got me in the scene is the book I'm working on, "The North Korean." Would you be able to give me some feedback to help me along as I progress?
Your friendly bookworm,
Kenneth Edward Lim

"Extraordinary" is the only word that properly describes this.

Your style is unique, and the story interesting. Personally I think it could use a little polishing, and editing, as some of it seems a bit awkward. But keep working...you have a good story here worth telling. ;)
Sorry it took so long to get back to you. :{

--Shieldmaiden

“Arcane” is such an intricate and engrossing story that I’m reading it with bated breath, my heart feverishly thumping; Carl, I’m filled with admiration for your wild imagination.
“Arcane” is an inimitable blend of thriller, horror and fantasy, a book that is one of a kind, with no decent equal now and in the future.
Read and backed with pleasure.

Ivan.

Arcane
By Carl E. Wilde.

Hello Carl,
I was instantly drawn into this by the atmosphere that your words created - dark and haunting. The first sentence is a great read on factor. The line beginning with - The presence of the Preacher...You don't need a capital F for fuck.

There's also an unwanted full stop at the end of "Now rest and I'll return soon. We have so much to speak of." (.) As, but I'm sure you will find little things like this on an edit. Sometimes fresh eyes can pick out what you miss. I have the same problem.

I wasn't quite sure of the name Rolex as I kept getting an image of a very expensive watch in my head every time I read the name!

I really liked the part with Elizabeth and how she was fighting with her emotions and trying to save the guys life, without getting caught. This is a great story and you really pull the reader into quite a nasty and vicious world rather well. I have enjoyed reading your work and wish you all the best with your book. Good luck.

Lisa.
Grimeon's Pass.

Carl,
ARCANE is a work of extraordinary imaginative depth. It sweeps the reader away to another world where Arlick Frances has a mission which will enthrall readers of this science fiction narrative. Rated with six stars.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

This is very dense, involved, serious literature. The prologue/opening is full of questions and is extremely ambiguous, I'm glad that the story develops in a clearer manner from therein. You have obviously done a lot of research, or are an expert in this field, which lends your book an air of authority. I personally found your synopsis a little 'wordy', this works well in the book but may not draw in a casual reader. Overall, I am enjoying this so far, well done.

Compelling pitch, interesting story idea, and pretty good writing (with a few grammatical slipups). I’ll keep reading!

Nitpicks (feel free to ignore):
“that he now found his self in.” Unless you’re trying to stress “self,” this should be “he found HIMSELF in.”

“to garish it seemed to belong in the gloomy room.” I didn’t quite understand this. Is it “too” garish, or is someone “garishing” the room?

“’So I’m not dead,’ he thought, ‘But what does that tell me?’” This should be, “’So I’m not dead,’ he thought. PERIOD ‘But what does that tell me?’ QUESTION MARK” The next sentence, the “he” in “he was concerned” needs to be capitalized.

The only body part the strange could make out [NO COMMA HERE] was the ruddied [this isn’t a word!] expression of a grey-haired man . . .”

“Yes, [COMMA] I see you are starting . . .”

Watch your run-on sentences. A paragraph of short, cogent sentences with a lot of punch is better than a long, rambling sentence stapled together with a series of semi-colons and “ands.” For example, “The religious, tower of a man; as he bent over the Stranger to better acquaint them; He couldn’t help but make the stranger shiver beneath the single blanket and sheet!” This sentence is VERY awkward. First of the all, the first part is just a fragment. Is this supposed to be, “SAID the religious, tower of a man”? (Also, “tower of a man” needs dashes; “religious, tower-of-a-man.”). This sentence should be divided into something like, “said the religious tower-of-a-man as he bent over the stranger. He couldn’t help but make the stranger shiver beneath the single blanket and sheet.” Explanation point unnecessary.

Way too many semi-colon sentences where semi-colons are not needed. Another example: “It seems that you have had some sort of reaction; to whatever it was that you were trying to run form.” This should just be, “It seems that you have had some sort of reaction to whatever it was you were running from.”

“strangers frame of mind” should be “STRANGER’S frame of mind.” Same with “big preachers mouth.” This is possessive, therefore it is,” the big PREACHER’S mouth.”

You capitalize strange, apparently random words. For example, one time you capitalize “stranger” and the rest of the time you don’t. One time you capitalize “Preacher,” one time you capitalize “Fuck,” one time you capitalize “Steady Son!” Is there a reason for this? None of these words NEED to be capitalized, unless there is some significant meaning in their capitalization.
-EZ

I've just taken another look at chapter 1 as promised. I like everything after 3 weeks before the fallout. There are facts and figures which give the readers orientation. Before, it is very dreamlike. Although to begin with we are not sure whether we are dreaming or literally falling, or suffering depression. I notice too, that you have the words dream and dreaming in very close proximity. Is it possible to change one of the words?
Best of luck with this, Sana

An excellent read and very exciting! Some great ideas and concepts and I feel some very important content. A very original and enjoyable read so far. I will keep it on my shelf and read more when I get a chance.
Best of luck
D

Great job! Reminds me of Mad Max series.

Arcane - The really horrible thing about Carl Wilde's futuristic book is that it could happen. And what a savage world, brought about by monetary greed, the lust for control and contempt for 90% of the populace, he paints with broad and confident brushstrokes. Some lyrical writing heightens the ever present menace in certain passages, for example, 'the tip of the syringe - looked like it was sweating as a tear drop.'
Main character, Arlick Frances, immediately elicits the reader's empathy. Good writing gives more than a sense of his disorientation upon reaching consciousness and apprehension at the Religious' appearance, making this a very strong opening to the book.
Biggest Nitpick: Dietrich Rolex, the name jarred me slightly out of the read - reminded me of a very expensive brand name watch.

Nanty - Chrys!

Happy New Year. I browsed through your book.. Fantasy is not my forte but I did enjoy te wordsmithing, enough to back it. My days are hectic and don’t have lots if time. If you would like a specific comment, send me a request and I’ll do my best.
Could you please take a look at mine?
Dan

I have a deep fascination for works that focus upon the destruction and end of mankind, to see how people would react to a specific situation in dire circumstances. Your book does this perfectly. A world doomed to extinction, turned on it's head by a virus that threatens to erradicate their existance.
It's dark, and filled with a sense of despair, but through it all, there is a lingering sense of hope.
What would you do to survive in a world you knew was corrupted?
What would you do to save those you loved?
What would you do to hide your part in the overall destruction?
I found myself pulled straight into the heart of the story, wanting to know what was to become of the world, of its people. Arlick's need to find and protect his family, to destroy any who stand in his way, able to turn from the sight of two flayed corpses, but willing to kill any that come between him and his family?
This is a character that is very easy to relate to, and I think you have done extremely well in capturing his thoughts and emotions regarding the events around him.

As always, backed. I look forward to seeing where goes:)
Bron

Hi Carl-Thanks so much for the kind and encouraging words. Speaking of 'Are you published' your intro reads like a professional's. The topic is one of my favorites. Your style sounds somewhat like this book I read called 9, but can't remember the author. It's about a guy living in a parallel universe and something always happens in years of his life that are a multiple of nine. I put your book on my watchlist and look very forward to reading when finished with the ones on my shelf.

Too many exclamation marks, not enough commas where they ought to be, too many commas where they ought not to be, and some strange capitalisations.

Do keep going.

After reading what is here I am left very unsure of this. If there had been more I may have been able to decide if this was a worthy tale.

Carl -

Arcane - Great evokation of darkness. Apt term ... archaic constitutional fallacy ... The story deserves careful reading. You have already sufficient advice for your next edit, all easy things to fix, and worth it. The theme is highly relevant and comes from a deep concern and love for humanity, which touches. Catching up here on rating. And thanks for your generous support of CoM, for which I'm grateful.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

What an incredibly nightmarish vision, and what makes it even worse, is that it is like a metaphor for some of the darkness that lies within the spirit of our current world. Hopefully, the darkness will be brought to light and illuminated before Arcane sets in! A fantastic book, one that remains with you long after reading!
You might want to review some minor typos here and there and the spelling of the name "Rollex" I like the 2 l's myself otherwise I kept imagining someone with the face of a watch! Otherwise, great work that definitely deserves a spin on my shelf.

Carl,
I supposed I should say thank you for the "invite" to read you book. Alas, it doesn't quite ring my chimes. But what does that mean? It's all subjective, as we know. I will say best wishes.
Lady Emily

Wow! An amazing, amazing piece of work! A thriller, science fiction novel, full of fantastical moments..!
I love the beginning, and the main plot slowly drawn out in the second chapter, where we are given a glimpse of what is happening..
I love the words you've used, the point you've driven home.. The black abyss you've described, and simply, simply beautiful descriptions of the happenings..!

I absolutely love it! Good luck!
Poorwa Y. Kamat-Tarkar
The Sign of The Maya

The plot is very unique and refreshing. I also think the opening part of the first chapter creates a strong sense of mystery and draws the reader in. I love the juxtaposition between the 'stranger' and the 'preacher' and this only increases the sense of the unknown. I also like Elizabeth as a character as she is very believable and sincere. Also i think your use of elaborate vocabulary and polished tone are well matched to the literary fiction genre.
My only recommendations are as follows:
Firstly, although i appreciate that they help get the characters' emotions across to the reader effectively, personally, i wouldn't use as many exclaimation marks as they put too much emphasis on details that the reader will take in regardless of their presence.
For example, 'But luckily!' would sound and look better as 'But luckily,' as it would improve the flow of your characters' thoughts.
Secondly, the brackets tend to draw the readers' attention from what is being said/thought/done.
Apart from this however, i think this a very well-crafted piece of writing with great potential.
I wish you the best of luck with 'Arcane'!
Starred and added to WL.
Best wishes, Amy

Hi Carl, many thanks for supporting and commenting on our story. As for yours, impressive! The prose feel really dreamy, which in strange way added a frightening edge to things, kind of like something bads going to happen but ur too sleepy to fight it! i hope that makes sense. Ur use of language is very powerful, in some places i struggled with the depth of the story but having recently studied PCR from that parts i did get i can see you really know your stuff and are dealing with things at a high level. Backed with pleasure!

Hi Carl, many thanks for supporting and commenting on our story. As for yours, impressive! The prose feel really dreamy, which in strange way added a frightening edge to things, kind of like something bads going to happen but ur too sleepy to fight it! i hope that makes sense. Ur use of language is very powerful, in some places i struggled with the depth of the story but having recently studied PCR from that parts i did get i can see you really know your stuff and are dealing with things at a high level. Backed with pleasure!

Hi Carl,
Your opening line pulled me right in and your style gave me pause--pleasantly. I do like it and find it appropriate, as well, for the telling of this story.
Regards,
John Campbell (Nigel Fields)

I have to say, top marks mate!

From the exceptionally descriptive and very visual first sentence ~
("He felt himself falling endlessly, without the encompassing security of any genuine or emotional substance just to hold on to,") ~
through multiple chapters of continued excellence in descriptive narration
("The inner city riots were becoming an endemic force. . .")
("While the ruthless afternoon sun made the eerie shadows seem colder. . .")
("He couldn't afford to bear an ardent encumbrance. . .") ~
and on through a depiction of the Arcane infection in Chapter 7
(One of the symptoms of the Arcane infection. . .the collagen fibres were completely eradicated by the tumescent pestilence. . .") ~
I am consistently enthralled by the brilliance in adjective usage and the manner in which this story pulls me in. A few typos better left to editors, this story is well worth backing! Would love to have it in hard cover to put on my real-life bookshelf!

Backed with pleasure,
Justis Call
Prestidigitations

Your vocabulary is a great match for readers with a high reading level. I would recommend this manuscript for any mature male fan of science fiction.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

(Any reason for the Italics chapter eight and beyond? Just curious.)

Carl,

This story is frightening for it's apocrophal stance. Very scary. Sometimes I'm glad I'm old and won't live to see the dangers which await the human race. Your writing is conceptually clear and your imagry futuristic. You write with an imaginative insight of the direction the poor human race is racing toward. Very well done and I will be pleased to shelve when a space occurs. That will be soon.
Cheers
Bobbee
Kali's Daughters

For first chapter: very vivid, exciting writing style. I saw some punctuation issues, but nothing especially major. Maybe a few too many exclamation points for comfort, but you might want that effect. The characterization of the kind Preacher and the confused Stranger was quite strong and well-done.

Carl, just had the pleasure of reading your first chapter out loud to my boyfriend in my front room on a snowy day. It sounds great out loud. I found this utterly enticing and I love your descriptive and lush use of language. So far the plot is gripping and thrilling, I will certainly read on. Backed.

Many thanks for the comments on Eve's daughters. I have had flick through Arcane and have been impressed so far. I will give it my full attention soon. Starred and shelved.

ARCANE'
This book is certainly different and not like any other i have read on the site to date. It's full of brooding humour, laced with fantasy with a dark approach to the writing. It's quite deep at times and makes for a very interesting and compelling read, despite the short chapter effect!n. Like the line ' Lafferty Gates was one lazy son of and Irish bitch' for obvious reasons! The story captures the same eerie setting as one moves through chapters and very imaginative throughout.
backed with pleasure
Tom Bye ' from hugs to kisses'
please back mine, totally different story about a boy growing up ages4 to 14 in Dublin Ireland in the 40s

Carl, from page one, i just had to keep reading. Your characters are portrayed so realistically, they jump right out of the page;they're easily visualized and give excellent insight into your story.
Best of luck with Arcane.
Maria

I've read the first chapter so far, and much of the language is very obscure, or "arcane" as you'd have it. And the title obviously does well to signify that. It's a very enjoyable read if in the proper mindset, the type of story that deserves to be read off paper and not a computer screen.

The nitpicks I had, Katrina Ann Jack mostly covered. And some of those nitpicks are so minute they could pass as intentional typing as part of the obscure style. And perhaps some even were.

Anywho, good job, Carl. And good luck.

Hi Carl,

I've read 2 or 3 chapters a day for the last week. I love the way you paint a vivid picture of this world in your writing. It's thrilling and it kept my attention completely (to say the least). I can easily see this becoming an epic series of novels. I would do a little editing before submitting to an editor though, just minor things: getting rid of excess words and typo's. I hope to see this book in print someday!

Backed 100%

Patrick Armstead
Dark Lands

An intriguing story which takes off in chapter 2. Chapter 1 almost put me off, but chapter 2 began to hook me in as a reader.

I struggled with the grammar and the syntax in chapter 1. At times it made the writing more impenetrable than it needed to be and was probably one of the reasons I didn't really engage with the first chapter. Having said that there are issues with chapter 2 as well - e.g. do you mean "murderers, rapists and thieves" rather than "murderous, rapists and thieves" ? - you might want to think about the use of langauge when you do your next edit, with a view to bringing it up to match the potential of your storyline.

J.S.Watts
A DARKER MOON