Book Jacket

 

rank 3611
word count 11412
date submitted 10.10.2010
date updated 10.10.2010
genres: Non-fiction, Instructional
classification: universal
incomplete

The Grief Spiral

Elissa Bishop-Becker

It is a proven fact that we can do more than simply survive a profound loss. Follow the 4-stage Grief Spiral to enhancement and transformation.

 

Loss and grief are experienced by 100% of the world's population, yet most people do not understand how a profound loss can lead to enhancement and transformation. They acknowledge that their world is forever changed, aim toward acceptance of the loss, but do not have the tools to move forward from there. The purpose of The Grief Spiral is to provide those tools. Transformative Bereavement is an expanded theory of grief and loss that has grown in my practice, my personal experience with traumatic loss, and my research from the foundations in the ground-breaking work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Most current approaches to the grief process are based on her work, and most grievers accept the validity of her 5 stages. I discovered that grievers who reach her final stage of Acceptance are still in pain and asking, "Now what?" My theory is the "now what," and Kübler-Ross's theory is the first stage of mine (Loss). Using both a psychological description and more than 100 stories that illustrate the 4-stage process (Loss, Return, Reconnection, Creation), The Grief Spiral presents the process, not as a straight line leading from Point A to Point B, but as a multidimensional spiral.

 
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tags

bereavement, counseling, death, grief, grief process, healing, loss, mental health, psychology, recovery, self help, transformation

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17 comments

 

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Loss

 

    Loss: The unthinkable, the unimaginable, the unbearable. We are never prepared for it, no matter how far in advance we know it will happen--such as with a terminal illness--and no matter how many previous losses we have experienced. Each loss is unique and has its own meaning to each individual involved. One cannot know how another feels about a particular loss, but we can help and support each other by using what we have learned from our own experience. Loss is a universal human experience, and as tempting as it may be to try to minimize or maintain the illusion of control over it, we diminish our own humanity when we do not deal with the challenges and lessons it presents.

    Elisabeth Kübler-Ross--the pioneering psychiatrist whose experience with and theory of death and dying broke through a wall that Western society had carefully constructed between itself and end-of-life issues--wrote that it is impossible for us to conceive of our own death, but as we learn to deal with loss we can come to a new relationship with life that enables us to accept death as part of living. She outlined her now-famous 5 stages of death and dying, which were subsequently generalized to apply to the grief process (Kübler-Ross, 1969). Her 5 stages of Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance comprise what I see as the first stage of bereavement: Loss.

    As I explained in the Introduction, the process of change is a spiral rather than a straight line leading directly from Point A to Point B. This first stage of Loss is the initial forward direction of a line as it moves into becoming a spiral.

 

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Rev Randy wrote 1286 days ago

As an active member of the clergy for over four decades, I can relate to the ideas and the stories you share in your book as the realities I hear from people moving through grief. I am especially taken by the final paragraph you have shared in which we are reminded that most people have anticipated that arriving at Acceptance will resolve all of the issues of their loss. The poignant question you leave us with is "Now what?" and I certainly want people to have access to what you will say about continuing the process of grief after the chimera of initial acceptance is reached.

I am eager to find out more about the stages of Return, Reconnection, and Creation you promise - because I believe from experience, both personal and professional, that the real healing and the real promise lies beyond Acceptance, and I long for the language, insights, and models to give substance to that belief.

Elissa Bishop-Becker wrote 1277 days ago

Pia, thank you so much for backing The Grief Spiral, and for your kind comments. I hope my work will be helpful for you in treating the bereaved. It has transformed many of my clients' lives. I am going to your page right now to watchlist your book. Thanks again, and if you are moved to comment further, I'd love to hear from you.

Pia wrote 1277 days ago

Elissa -

The Grief Spiral - I admire people who can structure a process. I'm familiar with the extensive research on loss as part my work with clients over 30 years. A book with many examples, like yours, is bound to be helpful, if only to show how much death is part of life.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

Elissa Bishop-Becker wrote 1279 days ago

Becca, you asked: "Did you study this or come up with it on your own? It's a profound and well executed guide, and reads at an educational level while at the same time accessible. Definitely right on target for a self help style resource." This is my own original theory that emerged from my experience with loss and the experiences of my clients. Thank you so much for your appreciative comment! I have put Forever Girl on my watchlist.

Becca wrote 1285 days ago

Did you study this or come up with it on your own? It's a profound and well executed guide, and reads at an educational level while at the same time accessible. Definitely right on target for a self help style resource.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Elissa Bishop-Becker wrote 1285 days ago

Thank you so much, Eunice, for your appreciative and empathetic comment, and for backing The Grief Spiral. It sounds like you've been there, done that. I imagine you have learned a lot from your experiences, and discovered that the rewards of loss can balance the pain. I look forward to reading The Temple Dancer and have put it on my watchlist.

Eunice Attwood wrote 1286 days ago

Firstly, may I offer you my deepest condolences for your sad losses. My husband and brother died within months of each other, and then my father passed away. I was lucky to have such a strong faith, and knew they were in a happy place. My work as a medium, has also been of great help.
Your book is sensitively written, and is both insighful and inspiring. Pain can be our greatest teacher, but we often don't see the lesson until we have come through it. Your work is very important in healing the lives of others. I am backing your book with pleasure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Bocri wrote 1286 days ago

When we experience intense grief turning to those who are closest to us is not always the answer since by so doing we may increase their unhappiness and intensify our own. A book such as this will surely prove the help we all need in times of sorrow.
Backed
Robert Davidson
THE TUZLA RUN

Rev Randy wrote 1286 days ago

As an active member of the clergy for over four decades, I can relate to the ideas and the stories you share in your book as the realities I hear from people moving through grief. I am especially taken by the final paragraph you have shared in which we are reminded that most people have anticipated that arriving at Acceptance will resolve all of the issues of their loss. The poignant question you leave us with is "Now what?" and I certainly want people to have access to what you will say about continuing the process of grief after the chimera of initial acceptance is reached.

I am eager to find out more about the stages of Return, Reconnection, and Creation you promise - because I believe from experience, both personal and professional, that the real healing and the real promise lies beyond Acceptance, and I long for the language, insights, and models to give substance to that belief.

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1286 days ago

Timely and comforting for many...well done!
Backed (soon)
Stewart

Andrew Burans wrote 1287 days ago

Your instructional book is moving, poignant, insightfull and I agree with the points that you make. Grief over a lost loved one does indeed haunt us all. Your work is well written and your gentle first person narrative voice is perfect for this genre. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Elissa Bishop-Becker wrote 1288 days ago

Thank you for your appreciative and encouraging comments, yasmin!

Lenore wrote 1288 days ago

I'm particularly taken with the organization of the material and the use of subjects' stories to advance the understanding of grief. Certainly the spiral can be experienced in a variety of ways and the psychological dynamics are fascinating to me because of my background in sexual abuse. Having lost to death the abuser, my own book is an attempt to understand my own reactions and loss, in terms of love and misgivings. Good luck to you.

yasmin esack wrote 1288 days ago

Elissa,
What a immensely insightful book. Thank you for writing it and sharing it with us. It is a novel way to look at bad experiences and i believe books like yours do make a difference and change this world. Boy do we ever need that.
Hats off to you.

Backed for sure
The Mind Setter

Walden Carrington wrote 1290 days ago

Elissa,
The Grief Spiral is a very useful self-help book. Backed with enthusiasm.

vanessa musson wrote 1290 days ago

I think this is an excellent choice of subject matter - two people close to me are going through the grieving process at the moment for lost family members and a book like this could help them negotiate the ups and downs to come.

Very strong cover too - if grief had a colour, it might well be dark purple.

Backed.
Vanessa
Banana In The Briefcase

SusieGulick wrote 1291 days ago

Dear Elissa, I love that you are helping grieving people to have closure. :) Your pitch & table of contents prepared me to find out how. :) I always say, "my mom went to be with Jesus - she went & left me" - I know she's pain-free, now & running around Heaven helping everyone the way she did here. :) Thank you for taking the time to share with the world the grieving process. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

SusieGulick wrote 1291 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on shortly thereafter :)

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