Book Jacket

 

rank 923
word count 71237
date submitted 16.10.2010
date updated 31.01.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy, Young Ad...
classification: moderate
complete

Waiting

Louise Mitchell

An immortal waits for the vampire hunter she loves to be born again.

 

Adele is immortal but that doesn’t make waiting any easier as she waits four decades for the vampire hunter she loves to be born again after he was killed by the only vampire who could ever beat him. Now that her dreams have told her who and where he is, she must overcome obstacles she could never imagine to be with him again.

But just when Adele finds him, she discovers that their biggest enemy is holding a secret about himself, a secret that threatens the happiness she thinks she has found. Now that the one she loves is at risk, can she trust an enemy to redeem himself or will she lose everything she has waited so long to get back.

Can Adele reclaim her happiness or could her trust in the one person who least deserves it be her biggest mistake?

 
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tags

grimoire, immortal, magic, painting, sorceror, vampires

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53 comments

 

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aad130 wrote 1155 days ago

amazing, amazing, amazing!!!! its very nearly perfect and just what i look for in a book. you should definitely be published.

monstermom wrote 1267 days ago

This story is the reason that Authonomy is fabulous! Getting published, getting noticed on a large scale is so hard when you don't have the outlet. A book like this could be lost in the shuffle; it shouldn't. I loved your story, the writing is fantastic, heart-wrenching, fun, sadistic, sad, but all the while making you want to read more and more. To the authonomy desk, I would gladly buy this book on the shelf for the 15 quid or more. Thanks for the opportunity to read your book. BACKED WHOLE HEARTEDLY.

Rionach Kerrians
SHOAN

flnaturelover wrote 1279 days ago

I just finished reading this great book! Vampires aren't usually my genre so it didn't catch me on the first page. By the third page I was rolling and enjoyed the read. This book deserves to be backed.

C.S.Poulsen
THE INSIDERS mg/ya

CarolinaAl wrote 1284 days ago

A suspenseful and tense paranormal romance. Well developed characters. Crisp dialogue. Vivid imagery. Brisk plot. Remarkable writing. A riveting read. Previously backed.

missyfleming_22 wrote 1282 days ago

I like vampire stories that are like this, it's darker and tense and has some believable characters and relationships. You've put a nice personal touch on the vampire genre, just when you think you've read all there is, something different comes out! I enjoyed this very much. I kept getting better and better as I read and I really wish I had the time to read it all.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

Sara Stinson wrote 494 days ago

WAITING
LOUISE MITCHELL

I am passing through and saw your book. I read chapter one and part of two. I like the idea of your story. It is a different take on other vampire stories I have read. Your writing is clear and easy to read. Chapter one flows, but not anything exciting. I am sure when I read further it will pick up and take off. Good luck with your book and may you have success!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

EliConstant wrote 537 days ago

I was free reading, nothing jumping out at me, so I didn't keep track of para #s; however, somewhere (quite a ways after the *** separation) There is a sentence that says: "Emil had the enemy." Did you intend this to be "Emil was the enemy." ?

Great Chapter 4. So glad to have the death of Jared mystery solved. How tragic- to kneel immobile and let his 'brother' kill him. I suspected that the new hunter was a rebirth of Jared- a logical and effect route to go and it definitely builds the excitement; the hope that she'll find have love again.

EliConstant wrote 540 days ago

para 20, last sentence: the first 'victim' doesn't seem to make sense?

The transition b/w chapters 2 and 3 seems disjointed.

Chapter 3, after the **** separation: Para 5, sent 7: replace 'this' with 'the'

Enjoyable 2 & 3. I did feel like the start of Chapt. 3 could use a small transition into her flash back/memory- maybe even something that just positioned her in an eatery, staring out the window- and then she remembers.

A few small things pointed out above/ suggestions. Continuing to enjoy and will read more.

EliC

EliConstant wrote 543 days ago

Hi,

Just finished a read of Chapt 1. The writing style is succinct, which I'm attracted to. You get the point across without it being overly-flowered. I appreciate the narrative voice. I do feel a bit disappointed that the night of Jared's death is alluded to, but not dealt with fully. I'm sure this comes later. I suppose the best device is anticipation and you have used it wisely, to the chagrin of this reader. You re-use the device in the cliff-hanger, making us wonder what was different about the seer dream- leading her to this new enforcer.

I had a few notes on word insertions and omissions, but want to re-read to be sure before I provide a detailed comment.

All in all, very Night World series-esque. Imagine this will appeal to a wide range and is very 'in the now' popularity wise. And there's nothing wrong with the tried and true of any specific genre. I, myself, love the classics in dystopian SciFi. Will be back for more and possible backing. Keep writing. You are undoubtedly gifted.

Cheers,
EliC

EliConstant wrote 543 days ago

Added to watchlist. Great pitch, fantastic comments below. Looking forward to reading.

EliC

Wezzle wrote 905 days ago

Well, Louise I have read 22 chapters and am loving this. The story is very absorbing, I found I read a lot without even realising it. Your MC is interesting, her life and history, captivating. You lead with good hooks and the intrigue is folding out well - I'm looking forward to finding out how it ends and whether Jared (no spoilers :)) can sort it with Emil.

Your dialogue is realistic and flows well and you manage to end each chapter with the reader wanting to turn the page. There are times where you repeat stuff such as when Adele is pondering Keaton's 'actualization' I think this could be tightened up a bit in places - there is no need to keep highlighting Adele's frustration, the reader gets it :D (well, this reader did :))

There are quite a few missing words, extra words - 'my' instead of 'me' in quite a lot of places. In C5 there''s a sentence in the 2nd paragraph, which appears out of place - it doesn't go anywhere so I assume it shouldn't be there. In C9 you have Emil stating something instead of Keaton - near the end I think. These are merely stumbling blocks and with a good edit you will have a complete winner.

Starred and on my shelf - good luck with this, Louise - :)

Lynn

Wezzle wrote 912 days ago

I'm enjoying your story, Louise. I like these kind of narrative tales, the MC retelling a memory and a present story evolving around them. It's engrossing and your MC is intriguing. I've read three chapters so far and intend to finish this - I will update my comment when I have read it all :)

Lynn

monstermom wrote 1073 days ago

Louise, I have re-added you to my list. I feel that you are worth the advancement and the replacement for others to see the works of a great writer.

Rionach

Cariad wrote 1083 days ago

Popular topic, obviously and hard to do with originality. However, it reads smoothly and you've some engaging and interesting characters. I've only read the beginning so far, so it would be fairer to hold my comments when I've read more, so will come back.
Cariad.

Jannypeacock wrote 1115 days ago

I must admit I was a little dubious when I started this. With Twilight the royalty of this genre and so many loyal subjects trying hopelessly to grab onto a piece of the action I really wondered if this market isn’t already over saturated – perhaps there is room for just one more…yours.

Although as others said your premise isn’t unique it really seems irrelevant once you start reading.

I love your opening line and I was instantly curious about Adele and her vanished lover.

Excellent imagery throughout the whole chapter. I had a constant picture in my mind of Adele’s whereabouts all the time.

Great hook in the last line also.

Although this is not my usually choice of genre I certainly enjoyed and couldn’t fault this. Showered with stars…well done.
Janny 

curiousturtle wrote 1124 days ago

Louise,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the mix of literary fiction with a thriller. There is literary fiction in the care you take to map the emotional life of your characters, their inner migrations. Then the plot is a thriller

that mix is very original

.....and it what makes it worth reading

Some of my favorites:

"New York made me invisible"
I does that to everybody.....lol

"I was a seer"

"You start a new life, I help you adjust"
This paragraph of dialogue in ch 3 is you best so far; compress, felt yet action oriented and punchy

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

I would have liked more of a place setting at the start. I know she 's in the subway, I just would have liked more images that serve to introduce me to her way of seeing.

For description when is well done, is at it best, character description.

"being afraid of the images of the night he died"
you are missing an opportunity here
instead: "being afraid of ......then describe the image and make it scary...very scary."
you want the reader to feel the fear, rather than know about it

"Hypnotic ramblings" "fateful night" "strangely calming" "punctuated by"
I would also cut a bit on the modifiers
why?
because as Updike said: "the modern reader can fill in the blanks"

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

aad130 wrote 1155 days ago

amazing, amazing, amazing!!!! its very nearly perfect and just what i look for in a book. you should definitely be published.

Ever wrote 1188 days ago

Hiya Louise your book AWAITING sounds brilliant. It's right up my alley :) I love anything to do with vampires, immortals, werewolfs :) Your pitch is great. I will definately read your book. You have got 6 stars from me and a backing.

All the best
Ever :)

Rachael Cox wrote 1250 days ago

A very interesting story, and I love the way you get right into it! Your characters are very instant and really come to life. Really enjoyed what I read
Best of luck
Rachael
Dreamscape

Angie S. wrote 1267 days ago

I love your story! It's great! I love the Mc and the romance. This is one to watch for! I truly hope you get this published because this is GREAT. Can't wait to read more.

Angie S.
The Chloe Chronicles and the Rebirth

monstermom wrote 1267 days ago

This story is the reason that Authonomy is fabulous! Getting published, getting noticed on a large scale is so hard when you don't have the outlet. A book like this could be lost in the shuffle; it shouldn't. I loved your story, the writing is fantastic, heart-wrenching, fun, sadistic, sad, but all the while making you want to read more and more. To the authonomy desk, I would gladly buy this book on the shelf for the 15 quid or more. Thanks for the opportunity to read your book. BACKED WHOLE HEARTEDLY.

Rionach Kerrians
SHOAN

D K Willis wrote 1272 days ago

Louise,
I wanted to tell you that I find your synopsis for "waiting" very intriguing and my hope and expectation is to read your material very soon. With a limited amount of shelf space and the implementation of the new guidelines, you've no doubt discovered, as I have, that each decision to back a book is more challenging than ever. I do hope your work continues to get all the attention it deserves. Good luck and best wishes.
D. K. WILLIS
THE THIEF ON THE CROSS

ScienceGeek wrote 1272 days ago

Awesome! I like the fantasy and the plot. the story is very sensitive to real life situations and of course when it comes into vampires in this kind of stories i find that you really had to digg for an original idea. I think that the idea of "waiting" is very original.

great book to read i gave it 5 stars.

If you have the time to read mine i would certainly appreciate it. I already backed your book!

Best wishes and best of luck!

Alan Cedeno

"The Earth's Knob"

DMHeadley wrote 1273 days ago

Your cover page caught my eye and made me want to take a peek.
I was not disappointed :)
Has been backed with pleasure.

Dawn
Sammy and the Wise Willow

S. Smith wrote 1277 days ago

Engaging story with well-crafted and believable characters. Your plot moves forward with excellent tension and pacing. A great read, but I think it needs a bit of polish. Some of your punctuation is missing, and the first chapter is a bit slow - too much telling, I think. It's hard to avoid with first person POV, but with a bit of tweaking you've got something awesome here!

Shayla.
I Had to Fall

Eunice Attwood wrote 1279 days ago

The tension builds nicely in this well written piece. Happy to back it. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

CG Fewston wrote 1279 days ago

A writer is better off paying money to an agent, or bribing an editor - it is who you know, not what you write. American literature has taken a nose dive in the last several decades. It is about commerce and finance. Editors and publishers, quietly and subjectively, seek authors who have a high profile, tons of public connections, and an ability to sale the dung from a horse. Why do you think Palin and Porn Star James are able to land book contracts? Wake up writers of America! It is not about talent or skill or craft. Editors do not care how well a writer can write; they do care, however, how well you can sell what you write. Facts of life. But such is capitalist greed.

flnaturelover wrote 1279 days ago

I just finished reading this great book! Vampires aren't usually my genre so it didn't catch me on the first page. By the third page I was rolling and enjoyed the read. This book deserves to be backed.

C.S.Poulsen
THE INSIDERS mg/ya

Frank James wrote 1280 days ago

Hi Louise (Waiting)
I was supposed to review Waiting last week sometime, but here I am just getting around to it now. Please forgive me. This vampire story is a bit different, which is something I like. It's a great story with a bunch of odd characters, but I'm pleased to say they all come together neatly when they should. I'm BACKING your book and it goes on my shelf now. Good luck with your future writing efforts.

Frank James (The Contractor)

Ann Sofia wrote 1280 days ago

When I met him, he was just another enforcer. That would be a great starting point for the novel... I love stories about vampires but I found the beginning slow. I love this line and think you should start the novel with it because it makes me want to know what kind of enforcer, who the heck is she.... such a great line, it should be where the novel starts.

Good luck and I agree with some of the other comments that you should join a writer's group, you have an awesome idea that needs a bit of tweaking in the way it is presented so that it keeps my attention.. although I am older, I have the attention span of a teenager.

Jim Darcy wrote 1281 days ago

Plenty here to please the fan as well as interest the casual reader. Well written and full of little touches that make your charcters more 3 dimensional.

ccb1 wrote 1281 days ago

Backed wating! We love vampire stories especially those with a new twist! Suspenseful from the start and well written. Good luck! Check out our vampire tale when you have time.
CC Brown
Dark Side

SaffinaD wrote 1281 days ago

Liked your characters and the sub-plots. Good dialogue. Good luck with this.

http://saffinadesforges.wordpress.com

Su Dan wrote 1282 days ago

not another vampire story! well yes, and why not? this is a good one; good narrative; flowing and very readable- l shall put this on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Mandi Oyster wrote 1282 days ago

This is a good story. I think it could be a great story with some help. I would recommend that you join a writer's group. After I joined one and submitted my book for critiques, it became much better. I think it might help you polish this until it shines.

I would love to see your book get published. It's one I could see myself reading over and over again.

In chapter 2, you say: Jax studied me with narrowed eyes. Jax hasn't been introduced yet; change to Jared.

I just finished chapter 8 and plan to continue on. Best of luck with this!

Mandi Oyster
Dacia Wolf & the Prophecy

corichaffee wrote 1282 days ago

What? No one sparkles? Kidding. This is nicely done. I love it!

Backed with pleasure!
Cori
"Princess"

DesiS. wrote 1282 days ago

This is a wonderful story- gripping the reader in the first chapter- well paced. An entertaining read. There are minor typo's that need to be addressed- some examples are in Chap. 7- "We each played a few warm up shots before Keaton I could play."- somethings missing there. Chap. 12 "... and he was leaning on this (his?) knees listening." Just some minor things- Very good. Best of luck. Backed. Desi.

Pia wrote 1282 days ago

Louise -

Waiting - Adele has waited four decades and when she finds her lover he is at risk. Where does she put her trust? The dialogue has a steady pace to it, almost hypnotic, which suits the theme. Also, waiting for the events foreshadowed in the prologue, the reader now wants to know what happened to part the lovers. A sentence needs looking at ... When I first got the dreams about Jared, I knew (he) that this was his first life as an enforcer ... Also got a little lost after they decided to disappear ... Getting out of the country where the media was ... maybe check . And did they stay in Jared's loft appartment - would his family not have looked for him there? Maybe just my lack of concentration tonight. I like the pair and want to know what happens to them.

Backed, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

missyfleming_22 wrote 1282 days ago

I like vampire stories that are like this, it's darker and tense and has some believable characters and relationships. You've put a nice personal touch on the vampire genre, just when you think you've read all there is, something different comes out! I enjoyed this very much. I kept getting better and better as I read and I really wish I had the time to read it all.

Missy
Mark of Eternity

ccb1 wrote 1283 days ago

Love all things vampire. Adding Waiting to our watchlist.
CC Brown
Dark Side

Jake Barton wrote 1284 days ago

Louise, this isn't my usual area of interest, but I've read examples of every genre on this site and this is a well presented Romance/Fantasy novel with much to admire. I wish you well with it, backed for encouragement.
Jake.

CarolinaAl wrote 1284 days ago

A suspenseful and tense paranormal romance. Well developed characters. Crisp dialogue. Vivid imagery. Brisk plot. Remarkable writing. A riveting read. Previously backed.

jahek wrote 1285 days ago

Loved your pitch and the first chapter didn't disappoint. I'm backing it and then shall read more - well done and good luck with it.

Jane Holyoake (The Spiral Pendant)

Silver_Eyes wrote 1285 days ago

As I read your pitch and the first few chapters of your book. And something that impressed me with your writing was the layers that lied in the plot. Adele waits years for her love to return to her again. Then, just as happiness seems a possibility, a dark secret is revealed. And Adele is lost, not knowing who to trust and how that confidence could destroy everything she has.

These layers build a fascinating main character, a perfect setting, and a gripping sequences of events. Thank you for sharing this with us on authonomy.

Backed with pleasure.


Laura
"Jhevalia"

ccb1 wrote 1285 days ago

Liked the short pitch. Adding Waitng to our watchlist.
CC Brown
Dark side

Beth Anne Wilkins wrote 1285 days ago

Oh yes, my kind of book and well written too. Backed with pleasure and good luck, Beth Anne

Louise Mitchell wrote 1285 days ago

You're writing is relatively free of blemishes but I wonder how original the premise and the entire concept of modern-day vampires is...seems to me it's been flogged to death by Hollywood, TV, game-makers and even greeting card manufacturers...which of course doesn't mean there isn't room for one more...maybe yours!
Good luck
Stewart



I hear you, and agree to a certain extent. I for one, though am still interested in the genre and hope others are too. Thanks so much for reading waiting and thank you for your comments.

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1285 days ago

You're writing is relatively free of blemishes but I wonder how original the premise and the entire concept of modern-day vampires is...seems to me it's been flogged to death by Hollywood, TV, game-makers and even greeting card manufacturers...which of course doesn't mean there isn't room for one more...maybe yours!
Good luck
Stewart

celticwriter wrote 1285 days ago

Hi Louise, I'm not a critic, just a mere scriptwriter who appreciates a good visual. Yours is terrific. You take the genre and make it your own. Nicely done. Backed.

blessings,
jim
jack & charmian london

Walden Carrington wrote 1285 days ago

Louise,
Waiting is an imaginative tale with great appeal to young readers of the fantasy genre. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans wrote 1285 days ago

You have written a very interesting and unique storyline, which I do like, and created a most memorable main character in Adele. I also like your use of the first person narrative coice as this allows you to convey her feelings and thoughts. The dialogue is realistic and well written and the pace of your story flows well. All of this along with your descriptive writing ensures that your work will appeal to the YA audience. Backed with pleasure.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

SusieGulick wrote 1285 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Louise! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :)

lizjrnm wrote 1286 days ago

Young adults are going to love this! Backed with pleasure.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

yasmin esack wrote 1286 days ago

This is a great read, imafinative and creative. Well predented.


Proudly on my shelf


the mind setter

M.A. Anderson wrote 1286 days ago

I've added 'Waiting' to my watchlist and will read shortly. Good luck.

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