Blood of Eden

Hi Janice--
This is a great ride. Reminds me of a more polished, high-end Kelly Armstrong ("Bitten"). I think that if this hits the market soon you should have a good run with it-- readers will love it. I enjoyed the clever mix of chick lit with the werewolf myth, and your writing is technically very slick and relatively blemish free... like your heroine! (one tiny nit-- she should buy them "dessert", not "desert" as appears in Chapter 1-- one of those moments when spell check rather hinders than helps... ) Nice erotic flavour to your huntress.

I wanted to read further but a technical glitch wouldn't let let me go on to the next chapter! Shelve with a wish for good luck.

Ruth/Base Spirits

Hi Janice,

Chic lit meets werewolf and we have a heady brew of sexual desire, razor sharp teeth and feminine cool. I'm really attracted to Katherine and this book is Shelved.

Your writing is excellent and I didn't spot a single flaw in anything I read. There's a big market out there for this sort of thing and I think you fit it well.

Best of luck with this

John Booth (Shaddowdon)

Blood of Eden was an easy read, flowed well. Excellent relationship tension between the MC's and just enough mystery surrounding Quinn to make the story more interesting. A couple minor editorial issues: Chapter 7- "Ronan smiled at her and clapped his hand to her should (shoulder?), turning his head to look at their father. Chapter 10- "...as she searched his (her?) purse for her room card, she had yet to make her decision."- was Quinn supposed to be carrying a man purse? :) and "his arms enveloped her and she felt safe an (and?) endangered simultaneously."
If you do ever post the rest or get published please let me know as I would love to read the rest. Desi.

Let me know if you get this published, because I want to read the rest.

-A.J.

Oh my God!!!
I want a man like Quinn. To be immediately attracted, Gosh!!
Luved it, post more, Puh-Lease!!
Backed!
GodLuver

You do a great job of portraying the strengths and weakness of your characters, and the decadence of werewolf life. I particularly like your use of Katherine's sense of smell. My one critique is that there are several passages in which one sentence after another begins with a pronoun. This causes a lot of sameness in sentence structure; recasting a number of those sentences will mix up the structure of the writing and get rid of any repetitious feel to it. But your premise is strong for your genre, and the writing overall supports it, so I'm happy to back this for you.
CraigD
The Job

Wonderful. I love seeing a new take on those same old myths, and this reminded me of many strong authors already populating the field loosely termed as "urban fantasy" but better. Your writing is intelligent, educated and strong, just like your protaganist. This is definitely my kind of book, and would fit nicely on the shelf next to Ilona Andrews.

Backed with pleasure.
Abi xxx

Have to say I love this. It didn't occur to me until I'd read this how few female werewolves there are in films, literature etc. Your pose is instantly accessible, fluid and utterly engaging and Katherine is a wonderful character and I can imagine there being a huge audience for this.
Carl
The Time hunters

Love the meet between Katherine and Quinn!!! you write close 3rd well, showing us the courtroom through Katherine's experience in chapter 3. An easy to follow story not lacking in emotion.
xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Greetings, Janice!

You have two lines in your opening chapter that I think are absolutely classic: "She was a werewolf, proud, strong, female and horny as hell." Those exact same qualities always came to my mind when I pondered female werewolves! LOL! Good job on the dark humor!

And the second classic: "Dressed in charcoal black Armani suits, and pristine Italian shoes, they appeared to be respectable gentlemen, but she could smell the difference." Great play on words. Would that we all could smell the difference betwixt the genuine articles and the wolves (no pun intended) in sheep's clothing out there!

Your storyline is formatted professionally, and you make good use of dialogue. Kudos, Janice, on a well scripted novel! Backed.

Teric Darken

(K - I - L - L FM 100 / U-TURN KiLLuR / Doopie Piper & Sissy Pants)


P.S. Wishing you Happy Lycanthropy on Authonomy!

Your opening using descriptions from most of the senses open this story perfectly.
Wow, what a MC, predatory woman, this is a heady cocktail of genre with a twist. Must say I was captivated by the storyline and didn’t know about silver in the blood thing – Good luck

Janice,
I love you story and wish I could read more. Any change you will be posting more?

Amy J

Very clever and full of intrigue. Very well written. Got a winner here!

Hey Janice!
This is awesome. I think it's a riot that K is a werewolf and a lawyer :) But I like that she's a strong hunter. You know, it really would have come in handy being a werewolf myself when I was in college or in my 20's and still bar-hopping-- I mean, think about all those times at a bar when someone obnoxious said something rude or did something inappropriate. Just a growl and a flash of some teeth would be sweet enough for me! Anyway, I am happy to shelve this!

Well, I like werewolves and I like strong female characters, so I'm enjoying this read.
One personal nitpick for me, that you can obviously take with a pinch of salt, is your attention to detail. Sometimes I would have liked to pick up my red pen and delete sentences about what wine she chose, her thoughts about changing clothes even though hers were unwrinkled, etc. While for me a degree of insight into the quality of her life and her tastes are essential, you do this (to use a word you used yourself twice in the first five chapters) fastidiously - and for me overdo it a little bit. It's one of my own Achilles Heels so ... other people might not have a problem with it though, and so it might well be down to a matter of taste.
The hunting the stag sequence was lovely. I like the way you use scent - is perfume use banned in US courts because I was unsure about that reference?
Beware the reference to Twilight and getting facts about werewolves right: I think this flirts with defamation.
Will keep watching.
All the best,
Jackie
"The Last Days of Kate"

*Edited to remove word repetition

Wow, sex and werewolves... Haven't seen that since The Howling... only this is much better!
I could watch this in film. So few good werewolf movies...
Backed.

Dan-
Eunice Stubbins, among others...

Hi Janice, it's sexy and it's great. You must know it's good already, so let me just get right to kicking your butt a little.

You can do much, much better than your current first paragraph. Don't sabotage yourself. You've written it like a really hot woman who introduces herself by stuttering in monotone.

Your first sentence could have been written by a little kid, and it's totally uninteresting. There's no artistry, no symbolic meaning, and no hint of what's to come. Do better.

Now this might just be me, but I struggled with air "dimming" from fog. I'm pretty sure I get what you're saying, but I think of dimming meaning that it gets darker. Fog usually reduces visibility rather than darkening things. I also struggled with the idea of fog on a cloudless night. That might just be me, but then again, even if 10% of readers are as dense as I am, you might not want to risk confusing them.

Bones cracking. I don't know. Seems boring to me. This is your first paragraph. It's very expensive real estate. Value it.

Pent up "emotions." What emotions? Be more specific, or readers will be confused, and you don't want to confuse anyone in your first paragraph if you can avoid it.

I like, however, the last sentence of the first paragraph. Bravo. It might even be a good choice for the first sentence of the paragraph. Either that, or come up with something with more punch early on, and still finish with that sentence.

But I'd recommend rewriting that paragraph. Dazzle me, give me something I can really visualize, get me right into your fantasy world, and hint earlier in the paragraph at what's to come (some sexy stuff, plus fantasy elements).

This loving kick in your ass has been brought to you by ...

Moses Siregar III
DEUS EX KARMA, an epic fantasy in homage to Homer's Iliad

Ah, Katherine, what big teeth you have. A wild premise, handled with skill and a deliciously developed character. Just don't do a summation to the jury when the moon is full. Happily backed.

Hope you can notch up some more words to lengthen this, it's looking good. Glad to see a strong woman in a lead role. Good luck with it. Backed
All the best
Christina
From Under the Bed

Hope you can notch up some more words to lengthen this, it's looking good. Glad to see a strong woman in a lead role. Good luck with it. Backed
All the best
Christina
From Under the Bed

Started with chapter eight to get a feel for your writing style and story which are both strong as far as I could tell. The only thing I really noticed worth mentioning are the overuse or unnecessary use of the word that and the redundancy of some of your points. In a few spots you make a point then make the same point in a different way.

Good Luck
Natalie

BLOOD OF EDEN: Hi Janice, I'm here to return your kind read of my book, "Nobody's Knight." :) A werewolf lawyer - there's some irony in that, I dare say! ;-) I don't think this is quite my type of reading, but you've a very interesting premise, and Katherine is a unique and rather predatory character. The way she approaches her work in the court room definitely plays up that "hunter" aspect.

You've created an interesting hidden society of werewolves right next to our own, also, and I like the notion that the Change is voluntary, rather than the usual Hollywood full moon nonsense. This makes your werewolves something like shapeshifters in that regard, which I think is a deliciously unique premise.

One thing that made me stumble, though, was the idea of a silver fork *breaking* off and leaving a part of the tine in her arm. Does silver break that easily, without catching in bone or something serious? I've pried the lids off cans with stainless silverware, and while real silver is undoubtedly softer, I had a hard time imagining a fork could break off without there being a considerably messier wound.

Than again, I don't eat with real silver, so what do I know? ;-)

Also, you might want to look for places where the POV shifts from Katherine's POV to things she wouldn't be able to see, such as her own appearance or what someone is doing when she's not in the room. Since the rest of the story is from her POV only, those steps outside her head are a bit jarring.

The last is strictly a stylistic matter, which is that I'm a bit unsure of the image of Katherine's family all living in the lap of luxury. That reminded me rather too much of the popular notion of vampires. The little tidbit about her knowing how to fly and pondering her own plane thus seemed excessive - unless of course her flying abilities play into the story, later. However, you manage this well by adding her sentimental attachments to home and family, so as I said, it's just my thought, and not an actual problem with the story.

Meanwhile, your prose is good, your writing just needs some minor edits, and the pace moves right along. I think you've a very original premise here, and with a little work you should find yourself with a story the current market would gobble up. Backing, because I think this book has promise.

Thank you again for your support and kindness towards my book!
Cheers ~

G. M. Atwater
Nobody's Knight

Ha!

A book I could have been in at last :-)

Cool as a cucumber!

This just oozes cool. Katherine is a rip-roaring character. When you finish this, you should submit it.

Backed, because I would buy it.

Brian

Good writing skills which carries forward a very intriguing premise. The characters come across well particularly Katherine and Quinn, and as a reader, I enjoyed how the two met- very evocative and visual.
However,on a few occasions you tend to revert to a flashback while describing a particular situation/quality, which hampers the flow of the story. Katherine comes across as a very strong character, but wish she doesn't care too much about a TV show like Grey's Anatomy.
Best

Hi Janice, This has a hypnotic quality, the lifestyle in the world of this woman-wolf. It was particularly interesting as far as her relationships were concerned and then her attitude as she collected her evidence. It’s very smoothly written and promises excitement that she will handle in a way that isn’t so threatened as a usual woman although I like her concealing rather than showing off. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

If I find a book interestin, if it keeps my attention, then I can back it. This one does that. I do think the writing can be tightened up a bit....a bit of repetition in places, but a page turner.

Lockjaw

great pitch. sex and werewolves, who could resist?

probably the most original werewolf premise since the movie Ginger Snaps.

Janice,
A young girl or pup! haha I loved that line. Fantastic!

Werewolves rule. So much more interesting than those wussy vampires.

This has a nice little Anita Blake feel without the adjectives, overuse of prose, and much more interesting.

I wish you lots of luck!

Cheers! Backed!

I like how you carry over the characteristics of the animal to her human form. Katherine seems driven by her animal instincts in a way that most humans only wish they could be. It is a nice touch making her a lawyer as well. A good predator makes for a good lawyer, doesn't it? Your writing is absolutely flawless and smooth as silk. Bravo!

John Wickey
Future's End

I think you’ve got the makings of a story to entertain a wide variety of readers; there are lots of interesting elements. Your prose is pretty clean too.

I will say that the scene with the silver fork seemed a little forced. This is an awfully freakish accident, and to happen to a werewolf… I don’t know. It strains a bit of credulity. Is there a better way to have an encounter with silver and get the point across?

Other than that, I found this to be a good read. You establish the character well and now, one presumes, we will be coming up against some obstacle and get into the plot. Nicely done and backed!

From the start, your story is smart and sexy. The characters are very believable and likable. Katherine is simply fabulous. Backed!

H Leigh Cornwell
(Blood Descent)

Ms Godin, your chapter one reads well. Good writing. I noticed that your first two paragraphs start with "Katherine." You probably want to address this.

Happy to back this.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

Hi Janice--
This is a great ride. Reminds me of a more polished, high-end Kelly Armstrong ("Bitten"). I think that if this hits the market soon you should have a good run with it-- readers will love it. I enjoyed the clever mix of chick lit with the werewolf myth, and your writing is technically very slick and relatively blemish free... like your heroine! (one tiny nit-- she should buy them "dessert", not "desert" as appears in Chapter 1-- one of those moments when spell check rather hinders than helps... ) Nice erotic flavour to your huntress.

I wanted to read further but a technical glitch wouldn't let let me go on to the next chapter! Shelve with a wish for good luck.

Ruth/Base Spirits

Extremely polished and very well written. I feel it's exquisitely close to flawless. I like Katherine. She exudes sex yet you’ve written her with an earthy class.

Very minor problem though - sometimes you’re lazy with your word choice. Glaring front page example: You have this sexual string of sentences that are well written and move down the page like the contours of a woman’s hips. Our eyes are following your text. And then I stumble on the word “horny.” Horny is a lazy choice of a word. We know that Katherine’s libido is racing as quickly as her mind. Your word choice makes her cheap almost tawdry. And we know she’s not. So we read the author’s voice at that moment and stop engaging with your character. A few more word choices were perfunctorily chosen.

Don’t.

Work it. Find it. Writing is a discipline. Discipline yourself to find the appropriate word. Katherine shouldn’t be the only one on the hunt.

This is very very nice writing.
Congratulations.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked.”

Hi Janice,

This usually isn't my typical type of story. I read the first chapter and actually liked what you've written. A very sexy chapter. When I have more time, I'll probably come back and read the rest. Happy to back.

Tracy

I don't understand what makes your MC a werewolf. She just seems like your average predatory female. Is it simply metaphorical?

I like the story. I’m a fan of the genre and I like the focus on the girl werewolf angle. I like her as you introduce her as well. The brothers in the bar may be a bit cliché but I enjoyed it. I love the gay cousin too, which was so unexpected. But I have a weakness for that angle. ;)

Nit, but you said “releasing” twice in the first paragraph. You did casual and casually in one paragraph later. And “breathed deeply” made me stumble. It feels like the kind of thing no one actually says. “Took a deep breath” sounds natural to me but, that’s a pure opinion point based on nothing at all. Absolutely nitpicky but are there hotels with red towels? I’ve never seen anything but white. “Werewolves were infamous…” was more than I needed to know and felt stiff. “Her stomach clenched…” was very telly-not-showy. So is “to excite her senses”.

There’s some excess here. “Innocent times” is a given. “Her first call was to Victor…” I didn’t need the whole “confidant and cousin” thing. You could have just told me she’d called him and revealed him as a character and in the backstory over time. “The décor of the restaurant…” also more than I care to know. You do more explaining than necessary. Give us some credit for having our own imaginations and especially for already knowing most of the basics about werewolves already.

I don’t know that I like the way chapter one ends. You do say “she’d just been stabbed” but you have left us there with a visual of them standing in the parking lot eating cookies. Not exactly compelling or exciting.

There are plenty of areas here to trim the fat and tighten up the writing. It probably goes without saying that the werewolf/vampire market is glutted right now and you’re going to have to work extra-hard to get in. Make sure you don’t have a word or phrase or image that you don’t need and that slows down the writing.

But, that said, I think it has potential and I’m backing it.

Best of luck to you!

Leah Petersen – Mourn the Sun

This definitely has a streak of chic-lit running through it, but normally chic-lit doesn’t have such a strong plot. Its well written and has very interesting characters that draw the reader in further and further until they realise they've spent another whole day in front of their laptop screen logged on to authonomy. Backed

George (The Touch of God)

Beautiful smooth writing and Ch1 seriously 'hot'. I loved it. Well done you.

Janice
If I were to say perhaps you should add chic lit to the tags would that be okay? You could even start a new craze of Werewolf Chic lit. I think it is light, fun, a kind of Buffy edge to it. Backed. Rosali
Fieldtrip to Mars

Hello Janice, what a sexy vixen your Katharine is! I love the combination you've created of sexy, smart, sassy but dangerous somehow too! A great pitch I'm sure it'll appeal to a wide audience! well done! Backed with pleasure!
Carla
The Last Gift

Hi Katherine, what a great pitch! Certainly got me interested, a couple of comments, you have two instances of the word 'world' right next to each other. Not sure how you can fix that one. Also a typo in the second para - you have 'every' instead of 'ever'.
Well, I have to say, this is written form an excellent angle. Love how you immediately introduce her lust, but also her civility, and then the silver poisoning - all the groundwork laid. Now to the meat of the story... so to speak.
Happily backed.

Janice,

I'm returning your read of Appetites. Apologies for the delay in doing so. Thank you again for your support of my work.

Interesting--intriguing even--short pitch. My only thought is whether you need the 'that' in the second sentence.

Great long pitch though.

Into the work proper, and I note on your profile that you've made changes to avoid info-dump in the first chapter so I'll be on the look out for that.

Okay, as I read through this you paint a great scene, and you weave some necessary exposition--not info-dump--into that scene. The lore you share is relevant and rarely jars. One case I wasn't sure about was the reference to scars and healing, that, for me, didn't seem relevant to the flow at the time. Another is the paragraph or two about cubs and silver, which seemd like overkill, I think you'd made your point with the episode with the fork. But otherwise, I'm not noticing any problems.

Minor points I did notice:

--a few times your MC describes herself, this is a minor viewpoint issue, particularly when she's walking back into the club;

--with the note she leaves, I don't think italics are required (and certainly not a different font) perhaps you could just indent the paragraph?

--I wonder about redundancy in: She drove with the top down [on her convertible].

But this is an excellent opening chapter. Paranormal romance probably isn't my thing, but this is well enough done to tempt me to keep reading.

Happy to give this a spin on my shelf.

Hi Janice

This is good. I like the first couple of paragraphs which introduce your MC. I also liked the references to folklore. It seems you have researched this area very well and it comes across as fact. I found this easy to read and I kept reading on. I am happy to back and I wish you good luck with it.

Best Wishes

Anna

Hey, so this is definitely an interesting story and, so far, I'm enjoying it. There are a couple of spelling mistakes, so you should probably read over it again and just sort those out. Also, I feel like you use too many adjectives in your sentences, but obviously, that's a personal thing, so if you like the way they sound, then just ignore me.
This is a slick, exciting story, well done.

Revised Chapter 3
Nice to see our hero in court and, hence, in action. Whether it's intentional or not, I can see some parallels as to how she 'hunts' in the courtroom and then (as I've already read) how she hunts in the forest. You might want to consider playing this up a little more (in the courtroom scene). Just a thought.
Again, my only concern at this point is that perhaps Katherine is too perfect yet, at the same time, I've really only read a tiny portion of the work so that may change (in this chapter she is the best lawyer and, despite her highly sexual and dangerous nature, is turned off by a married man).
And, again, your descriptive prose is a treat to read but I was happy to see more dialogue in this chapter; so far you've handled that just fine, too. Papa's P.S. adds some tension to what will follow in the next chapter (the one I've already dived into).
Keep up the good work!

Hi Janice. Great pitch... A werewolf lawyer, I love it! That certainly drew me in. And then on to the opening of your book. I appreciated the nice build and the way you do not disappoint your readers. You have a sense of what we are all expecting, given your genre, and you are luring us there quite effectively! Shelved. JupiterGirl. (Twins of the Astral Plane)

"Feeling the beads as they sleuthed over her naked body"! This is pure poetry... I was hoping she would devour the two men in the hotel room... Nice taut writing, Katharine is beguiling, mysterious and strange. Shelved
Frank

I really like the concept in your pitch. Defense lawyer/werewolf. Great double life. I read the opening which you said you'd had some feedback on. I think the writing is good - vivid and visceral as werewolf writing should be. It's definitely not an info-dump, so I think you've fixed that. I do think you could actually be more vivid and visceral, though, if you cut a little deeper into the word count - less is more. For instance, you hit on the idea of the "hunt" twice in the first two paragraphs, but the thoughts seem a bit contradictory. "Good night for a hunt" becomes "desperately trying to control..." Those thoughts could go together, but don't really seem to. And they would work better alone. Each is interesting of itself. I like this story and your talent. Good luck!

Excelllent writing and keeps the reader reading-Important! Very effective descrriptions that makes the story realistic. backed

You have a great imagination, that is evident from the start. Katherine is a well drawn MC, I want to know more about her and that is half the battle. Plenty going on here to keep the reader interested, an intriguing mix. I wouldn't usually pick up werewolf tales, but your pitch attracted me and I'm glad I stopped by. IMO, this is well written and moves along at a good place. I have no nit-picks and wish you luck with it. On my shelf.
Bests,
AP
I'd love your take on The Awesome Adventures of Matty McDuff if you get a chance :)