Book Jacket

 

rank 614
word count 148238
date submitted 01.11.2010
date updated 26.11.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Historical Fictio...
classification: universal
complete

The Butterfly and the Wheel

NA Randall

A second-rate Russian writer passes off an unpublished manuscript as his own, and rises to the summit of Soviet society.

 

Turgenovsky’s literary aspirations far outweigh his talents. When arrested with a group of student friends, he’s drawn into revolutionary circles more through chance than conviction, and starts to have an unwitting impact on the earth-shattering events taking place around him.

During the Civil War, he denounces an unpublished author, steals his manuscript, and becomes the country’s premier socialist writer.

When another version of the stolen novel surfaces, Turgenovsky battles to keep his reputation intact. With much connivance he manages to distance himself from such claims, and is eventually awarded the Nobel Prize.

In later years, he realizes what he’s missed out on as an artist, and starts to write an epic novel to cement a far more legitimate legacy. It’s a huge failure. Love poems for his wife found after his death - like Pasternak’s Zhivago – prove to be the only thing of literary merit he ever produced, providing him with partial redemption.

The novel satirizes the delusional foundations of a totalitarian regime. It is about a mediocre man – like so many others - who flourishes in a society which claims to eradicate inequality, but only succeeds in propagating it to new and untold heights.

 
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Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Petrograd, 1916

1

On a bitterly cold winter’s morning Turgenovsky dashed along Sadovaya Street. When he reached the Neva, he stood still and scowled up and down the frozen river, recalling all the frustrations of yet another fruitless nights work. What had seemed so profound and incisive when he was writing it, what had flowed so wonderfully well, looked jumbled and amateurish just a handful of hours later - the ragged prose of a pretentious schoolboy. He felt crushed. Why, why, why? he asked himself. Why do I have to be so ordinary, so talentless, just like everybody else? What sets one writer apart from another, anyway? What makes their words so beautiful? What makes their passages shine? What is the secret? Oh, only to write, write, write! That was all he wanted to do. But clearly he did not have the gift, and a terrible idea flashed through his head. He stormed out of his lodgings. Everyday he read stories of miserable people throwing themselves into the river. Now it had strange appeal, an almost literary connotation, in the same way certain daring crimes gain public sympathy and admiration. But as quickly as such a dramatic surrender suggested itself, its nobility faded on the gusting wind. He wanted to live; to sample everything life had to offer. All great artists suffered from moments of desperation; of intense self-doubt, he contended, dismissing such wild thoughts from his mind.

   ‘Turgenovsky!’

   He turned to see a rosy-cheeked young man running over, and very nearly slipping on the pavement abutting the river.

   ‘Where on earth have you been hiding yourself these last few months?’

   ‘Lev? What brings you here? It’s a bit raw and ready for a liberal-thinking man of your highly-politicized ilk. I thought you were more a denizen of the smoky lecture hall or underground meeting place these days.’

   ‘You look awful,’ said Lev. ‘Havent you been eating properly? Are you still writing? I was only talking with Pavel and some friends yesterday about your piece on -’

   ‘Not that mummys boy playing the big shot revolutionary.’ Turgenovsky did little to conceal his disgust. His whole demeanour changed, and he proudly adjusted the lapels of his threadbare coat. ‘I’ve no time to waste on his kind. Hes a phony martyr; a porcelain god.’

   ‘But, Ivan, look around you. Dont you see? Theres going to be a complete restructuring of our society. The workers and peasants, the toiling masses are going to rise up and seize power. This is the most exciting period in human history, for pitys sake. Brilliant, educated, class-conscious men of action like Lenin and Trotsky will lead us. Lenins been studying the great social uprisings for the last twenty years and ­-

   ‘Utter nonsense!’ said Turgenovsky. ‘These empty rumblings will come to nothing. The Tsar will make a few lip-service concessions to the peasantry and everything will continue as normal. Mark my words. Im rarely wrong when it comes to political matters. Lenin and his cronies will be in Siberia before the spring thaw.’

   ‘Not this time,’ said Lev. ‘But I’m glad I bumped into you, as I may be able to put a little work your way. Pavel has obtained access to a printing-press. Its a crude contraption, but we heard you were quite the expert in setting typeface and things like that.’

   Turgenovsky shook his head.

   ‘Far too dangerous. Whatever the outcome of your political dalliance, I’ve heard of men being tortured and killed for helping disseminate anti-Tsarist literature. So count me out.’

   ‘But we’ll pay twenty roubles,’ said Lev. ‘Easy money for a man in the know. I can take you there now if you like, and show you how things stand. All youd have to do is set things up.’

   ‘Twenty roubles, you say?’

   The two friends walked across Dvortsovy Bridge. As they turned onto the Nevsky Prospect, Turgenovsky questioned the wisdom of his decision. It was not so much the element of risk involved, it was the people he would have to deal with. He despised these new revolutionary-types who were springing up like corpses in some Gogolian fable, spouting their rubbish about Marx and equality to the working masses. He knew for a fact that half of them had not read so much as a line from Das Kapital, and those that had, had not understood a word. To his mind the natural order of things came into being for a reason, whether divine or evolutional. How any privileged young man could give away his birthright for a faddish cause was anathema to him, bordering upon the obscene. It belittled his very real struggles with life, his struggles to become a great writer.

   As these reservations were running through Turgenovskys head, a ruckus broke out in the middle of the busy thoroughfare, where a sizeable crowd had already gathered. On inching closer, he could see a group of young workers beating a much older man, kicking out at the grounded figure cowering on the frozen walkway. The ferocity of their blows seemed distasteful and disproportionate. Regardless, no one seemed willing to intercede. If anything, they were enjoying the show, in the way common people used to derive such pleasure from public executions.

   As policemen arrived on the scene, a dirty-faced factory worker started to moan and curse.

   ‘It serves him right, the property-owning parasite! Imagine, trying to take advantage of your fellow man like that, in times of war an hardship an all. His kind deserves everything they’ve got coming to em. These Jews are nothing more than bloodsucking vermin.’

   Lev tapped the factory worker on the shoulder.

   ‘Too true. It won’t be long now, brother.’

   The factory worker turned and looked Lev over. His dark, darting eyes were full of suspicion, as the other mans fur coat and hat did not quite match his sentiments.

   ‘Dont be fooled by my appearance,’ Lev went on, as if sensing this. ‘The true people of the revolution come in all shapes and sizes, and from varied backgrounds. Our cause is a universal one, comrade, one that will put an end to the exploitation of the working man. Soon there will be no Tsar or landowners left, only true working people, working for the good of the people.’

   The factory workers expression softened.

   ‘Yes, they - they cant stop us now, co - comrade.’

   All this took Turgenovsky aback. He had read about pogroms and looting in the papers, but always presumed they were sporadic phenomena, of desperate people taking advantage of desperate situations. The innate backwardness of the workers and peasants who found their way to the cities seemed to add weight to his supposition. Now he was not quite so sure.

*

They walked to the rear of a tenement building. With a wary look over his shoulder, Lev led the way down some concrete steps, unlocked a reinforced door, and ushered Turgenovsky into a cellar. The room was dank and poorly-lit. An old gas lamp and a few guttering candles provided the only light. In the relative darkness, Turgenovsky could see three serious-looking young men in overalls and cloth-caps huddled around a printing-press. On hearing footsteps and voices they looked up with strange indifference, considering the nature of their illicit operation, and the harsh penalties applicable if discovered.

   One of the men broke away from the group and walked over.

   ‘If it isn’t the mighty scribe, Ivan the Incredible. Welcome to our little operations HQ.’

   This grave-faced young man in wire-framed glasses was Turgenovsky’s old classmate, Pavel Denisovich.

   ‘Finally decided to get your hands dirty, have you?’

   ‘You know me,’ said Turgenovsky, ‘Im a man who finds it hard to say no to his friends - his comrades - so to speak.’

   ‘More like the twenty roubles for your trouble,’ Pavel gibed. ‘I’ll be frank with you, Ivan I dont like the idea of an outsider infiltrating the circle. This is important work, essential for the success of the forthcoming uprising. But were desperately short of technically proficient men in this area so - so you’ll just have to do.’

   ‘How charming,’ Turgenovsky affected offence, going so far as to put his hands on his hips. ‘I’ll say this for you lot, you certainly know how to make a man feel welcome.’

   Pavel stepped forward, bringing his face up close to Turgenovskys.

   ‘This is no time for flippancy,’ he shouted. ‘This may be nothing more than a chance of some easy money for the likes of you. But for millions of others - real people with real convictions - this is their only hope for a better future. I wont let anything stand in the way of that. Understand?’

   Turgenovsky lowered his head. There was a long, uncomfortable pause.

  ‘I - I understand. Is this the press?’

   ‘Yes,’ Pavel replied. ‘Come and have a look at it.’

   The printing-press was an antiquated model, only slightly more sophisticated than a home lithograph, but one Turgenovsky was more than familiar with. After stripping down to his shirtsleeves, he cleaned and prepared the press, before setting the typeface onto a crude printing plate, dented from continued and varied usage. All the time he worked he had to listen to the other men converse. Over tea and endless cigarettes their lofty discussions sounded foolish to his ears, like children conspiring in a playground.

   ‘The main problem we now face,’ said Pavel, ‘is keeping our friends in Switzerland up to date with developments. When the time comes, smuggling them back into the country will be no easy task. At present, maintenance of the most basic lines of communication is fraught with all types of danger.’

   ‘Its a dialectical irony, is it not?’ said Lev. ‘The war that has caused so much bloodshed proving to be the catalyst for our movement. Had many thousands of soldiers not been subjected to its horrors, and shown the cruelty of the capitalist war machine and how truly worthless their sacrifice was, we would never have been in such a strong position.’

   ‘As Marx says, The philosophers have only interpreted the world, in various ways; the point is to change it’”, said Pavel, drawing respectful looks from the others. ‘The old regime is tottering like a drunkard at closing time. It will take only one firm push to see it off now. Momentous change is upon us, comrades. We cannot afford to falter.’

   The contempt Turgenovsky felt towards these men only increased. Had he been in a position to turn down the monies offered, he would have stormed out of the room and left them to it. They were so transparent. It was laughable. They just wanted the riches and power others had accumulated over years of warring and bloodshed. It was simply a case of perpetual recurrence, the old replacing the new. Marx was a Napoleon in rags, not a visionary prophet; some Jesus of Nazareth-type.

   He kept his theories to himself, and after a quarter of an hours further work, had the press primed and operational.

   ‘Here you are, gentlemen. Your little printing device is fit and ready for Gutenberg himself.’

   The other men walked over.

   Pavel knelt down to inspect the press at closer quarters.

   ‘So,’ he said, ‘all we have to do is place the paper here and -’

   ‘No, no, no,’ said Turgenovsky, ‘the paper must be laid out on the feeder.’

   Pavel stood and straightened.

   ‘Ivan, I know you’re a man of bookish pursuits, but surely youre not in any way opposed to the things we stand for. So I ask you - please, as an old friend - spare us a moment or two more of your time, and show us how the press operates, just to see the first twenty or so copies safely printed.’

   ‘Im sorry,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘I’ve already, er…compromised myself, and - and I dont mean simply by being here, for Im no coward; you know that better than anybody. Its just that Im committed to finishing a new piece of work, a literary gem, I might add. Its going so well and - and I have a deadline to keep. In truth, I only stepped out this morning for a breath of fresh air to clear my head before continuing, when Lev persuaded me to come and help you. So I couldn’t possibly -

   Pavel raised his hands, cutting Turgenovsky short.

   ‘If we were to offer you another twenty roubles, would you print off the entire batch of leaflets?’

   Turgenovskys tongue darted out over his top lip. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

   ‘Well, I -

   But before he could answer, the reinforced door flew open, and in burst dozens of uniformed soldiers.

 

2

The windowless interrogation room contained two chairs either side of a wooden table. Turgenovsky had already been made to wait for what felt like hours. All sorts of horrible premonitions were running through his head. He was convinced the brown marks on the walls were bloodstains. He cursed himself for having got involved with Pavel’s miserable gang of revolutionaries. He could not have been any more fearful or on edge. Then the door swung open, and into the room walked a uniformed officer with a neatly-trimmed beard. He had a file in his hands, and was followed by a much larger man of lower rank. The larger man closed the door, and stood in front of it with his arms crossed.

   The senior officer sat down and started flicking through the file.

   ‘Right, what have we here? Ivan Fyodorovich Turgenovsky, twenty-one years of age, a former student, writer of a few articles for the periodicals, parents deceased, a half-sister living in the provinces, currently residing in Sadovaya Street, and associated with well-known left-wing groups and political terrorists.’

   ‘Thats not strictly - Turgenovsky was about to protest. The flashing eyes that met his from across the table made him think better of it.

   ‘My name is Profiry Pelevin, said the officer, ‘and I want to help you, young man. We’ve been keeping a close eye on the activities of this particular group, so I know you were only there today to assist with the printing-press.’ He looked at the file again. ‘It says here that you were once employed in a printing-works with - with an uncle, I believe. So why not make it easy on yourself? If you fully cooperate, things could go off very nicely for you, very nicely indeed. There wouldn’t be the need for any unpleasantness. And my friend over there’ - he gestured towards the officer by the door - ‘wouldn’t be involved in your interrogation at all. He could stay where he is, quiet as a mouse. Because believe me, you don’t want to see him when hes angry. I once saw him bite a mans nose clean off his face - clean off, I tell you!’

   Turgenovsky shivered, and almost reached for his nose, just to make sure it was still intact.

   ‘So,’ said Pelevin, ‘why dont we start from the very beginning. Why dont you tell me everything you know about Pavel Denisovich? It would appear hes the leader of this little clan. Is that so?’

   ‘Yes,’ Turgenovsky answered without hesitation. ‘I myself am nothing to do with any political organization, and, as you so rightly said, was only doing a favour for a friend - quite innocently, I might add - but from my dealings with Pavel Denisovich - which were strictly as classmates - I’ve known by rumour and by word-of-mouth, you will no doubt appreciate, that he has been active in such circles for some time now.’

   ‘And would you consider Pavel Denisovich to be well-connected? Do you know if he’s in touch with the - the higher-ups, people who may not be in the country at the present moment?’

   ‘Why,’ Turgenovsky replied, seeing a clear route out of his predicament, ‘when I was working on the printing-press, I heard the group talking about lines of communication with their friends in Switzerland’’.’

   Pelevin shifted in his seat, momentarily betraying his excitement.

   ‘Im not sure who they were referring to,’ Turgenovsky added, hoping to put further distance between himself and the charges.

   ‘Oh, I understand, Ivan Fyodorovich, I understand completely.’

   The interrogation lasted for well over three hours. Turgenovsky told all he knew, and when not in possession of the facts, simply agreed with everything Pelevin suggested - however outrageous or fabricated - eventually signing a statement indicting his friends with a list of crimes that could have sent hundreds of men to a hard-labour camp for the rest of their days.

   Pelevin got to his feet.

  ‘Very good, Ivan Fyodorovich. I like a man who knows how to look after his own interests. Rest assured. Ive no doubt your case will be dealt with most satisfactorily.’

   ‘Thank you,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘I would hate for such an unfortunate mix-up to have an adverse effect on my literary ambitions. Currently, Im working on a most exquisite novel, something that has already drawn interest from certain well-known publications - most respectable publications, of course.’

   ‘I see,’ said Pelevin. ‘Well, Id wager a bet that you have a pen in your hand again in no time at all.’

   Turgenovsky was taken to a dingy office with grilles over the windows. His co-accused stood at the far end of the room, looking battered and bruised from interrogations which had not passed off as smoothly as his. A suited official with a thick moustache was sitting behind the only desk, busy writing in some kind of ledger.

   Guards bundled Turgenovsky over to the others.

   Lev leaned close and whispered:

   ‘Im sorry you had to get involved, Ivan. If I could get you out of this, I would.

   ‘Whats going to happen? What will they do to us?’

   ‘It doesn’t look good,’ Lev replied. ‘In times such as these the authorities must show no sign of leniency. I fear the very worst.’

   ‘The very worst?’

   The man at the desk stopped writing, and got to his feet.

   ‘Right. Lev Delyanov, Pavel Denisovich, Igor Rublev, Alexei Zasulich, and Ivan Turgenovsky, for conspiring to disseminate anti-Tsarist literature by means of setting up a secret printing-press, and calling for the violent overthrow of the monarchy, you are summarily sentenced to death. Tomorrow morning, you will be taken from your cells and shot. In the interim, you will be provided with writing materials to inform your families of…’

   Turgenovsky fainted.

 

3

In his cell that night Turgenovsky was troubled by strange dreams. He saw himself at spectacular soirees, dressed like a fashionable man of letters, being toasted by society’s elite, receiving literary awards, and reciting poetry to beautiful young women. Then he saw himself hunched over his work, filling page after page. But when he stopped to read over what he had written, the words were no longer visible, only traces of vanishing ink remained, as if some cruel practical joke had been played on him. It was as if he were watching all the words he would never have a chance to write, disappearing forever more. And another nightmarish version of his hopes and dreams started up, where he was looking in at one of those soirees, dressed in a peasants rags, being shooed away from the door by liveried servants. There were no passionate encounters with courtesans or wealthy heiresses, or awards to be collected. The paramours and princesses were with their new darlings. The beautiful young women were laughing at him now; everyone was laughing at him now.

   He woke up. It was still dark outside, and he badly needed something to occupy his mind. He walked over to the table on the other side of the cell. But when he picked up the pencil and paper he had been provided with, he could think of no one to write to. Most of his relatives were dead. Only his half-sister, Dunya, remained. Dunya, sweet Dunya, he said to himself time and time again.

   Thoughts of Dunya brought back memories of his early childhood. In the silent darkness his life passed before his eyes, one painful episode at a time. He never knew his mother - she died giving birth to him. This was something his father could not forgive him for, and as he grew, he was often told that if one died, then both should have died.

   His early years were defined by change and upheaval, moving from one town to the next, where his father had many and varied occupations. None of which proved very successful. From former peasant stock, he thought that good things should simply come his way, and squandered every opportunity to better their lot. His sons life, therefore, was not a particularly happy or settled one.

   Things improved when Ivans father remarried, and this was a very favourable match. Not only was Maria Ivanovna much younger, a kind and attentive wife and stepmother, she came with a small dowry. This gave the family some much-needed financial security which facilitated a move back to Kruzhlinin.

   Back then Maria Ivanovna was a skinny, pale-faced woman of twenty. While no beauty, she had lively eyes, a wide smile, and exuded a particular warmth and charm which naturally drew people to her. Its hard to exaggerate the impact she had on her stepsons life. At every opportunity she bought him presents, played with him in the garden, and read to him before he went to bed at night. Those stories of Baba Yaga and the Snow Queen transported him to some fairytale land of firebirds and magic fish, where all the misery and solitude of his early life were forgotten.

   Within a year of the wedding, Maria Ivanovna fell pregnant. Her term was especially taxing. It was as if the lump in her belly was draining all her strength, until there were no more presents, games or bedtime stories, until Maria Ivanovna was no more than a fleeting presence in Ivans life, and he started to resent that mysterious something growing inside of her.

   The actual birth was harrowing. The screaming began late one night, waking Ivan from his sleep. Terrified and confused, he ducked under the covers and pulled a pillow over his head. He wanted to escape somewhere, somehow, to fly up and away, like the characters in the stories Maria Ivanovna used to read to him. When he saw his stepmother sitting up in bed, her cheeks sunken, her hair plastered to her face, and a red, wriggling ball of flesh in her arms, he fled the room in tears.

   In the weeks that followed there were serious concerns about her health. The strain of bringing a new life into the world seemed to have dragged another mother to the grave. So weakened was Maria Ivanovna, she could barely rise from her bed to take a sip of water or a mouthful of broth, and when she started to cough violently, it was clear a fatal-something was rattling through her wasted body. After carrying out some tests, the local doctor confirmed their worst fears: tuberculosis in its advanced stages.

   At the funeral, when Ivan looked at Maria Ivanovna in her coffin - her waxen features so inanimate - he felt all the goodness and kindness she had tried to instil in him leave his heart forever more.

   As the years passed, his father showed great love and affection for Dunya. In comparison, Ivan’s presence in the house seemed tolerated rather than welcomed. He was constantly beaten and humiliated. He felt like a spectator in their family life rather than a participant. This sense of isolation drew him to the written word and the books left on Maria Ivanovnas shelves. He would spend hours poring over a volume of folktales, the poems of Pushkin and Lermontov, the farcical stories of Gogol. Whenever he saw his father and Dunya laughing together, whenever he received a reprimand or a thrashing, he told himself that one day he would be a great writer; that one day unhappy boys like him would adopt his books as their loyal companions, as their only real friends.

   His school days offered little relief. His unusual eyes and gangly frame made him an object of derision. His very existence seemed to irritate his fellow classmates. No matter where he looked, he would always be accused of looking at them. No matter where he walked, he would always be in someones way. This seemed particularly unfair because there was nothing he could do about the colour of his eyes, or the shape and size of his body.

   As a teenager, he sometimes looked after Dunya when their father was called into town. How well he remembered those summer afternoons. How he would take the ten-year-old girl down to a secluded spot by the river, or into the depths of the forest to gather mushrooms or berries. Often in pretence of bathing or playing some sort of game, he would make her take off her clothes, and slyly touch her, exploring her soft, prepubescent body in the way a doctor would examine a patient with some curious ailment. Then he would try to get her to touch him. But no matter how he whispered or cajoled, she would always refuse and get upset, and their games ended in tears. All the way home he begged her not to tell, saying it was their little secret, that they would be denied some sort of treat or present if anybody found out. Her silence puzzled him, considering what a powerful ally she had in their father, as no matter how many times he accosted her, she never uttered a word.

   He always presumed he acted that way out of natural curiosity. The older Dunya got, the more curious he became. This had as much to do with her emerging beauty as anything else. Her golden hair, blue eyes, and shapely figure made her the envy of not just the town, but the entire district. It was not long before a host of popular young boys were crowding round her wherever she went, bringing her flowers and romantic verse. Regardless, she remained unaffected, and carried herself with all the dignity and decorum of the respectable girl she undoubtedly was. If she had encouraged their advances like some kind of whore, shown some sign of pleasure, coquetry even, Ivan could have forgiven her more. But she just carried on as if nothing was happening.

   It was around this time he noticed the way she skillfully avoided being in his company. The way she would rush off on some make-believe errand. This rankled with him. The way an older child is irritated when a younger one can see through a flimsy untruth told for petty gain - and it only made him want her more. By the time he was sixteen, he was completely obsessed with the idea of having her before anybody else did. At night, he lay in bed devising all sorts of plans to get her alone - but a fleeting moment was no good to him. So one afternoon he returned home early from school, having feigned illness, sure he would have her all to himself at last. He crept along the hallway and peered into the kitchen. At first, he did not realize what was happening. All he could see was his father sprawled across the table with his trousers round his ankles. Dunya was underneath him.

   ‘Forgive me,’ his father rambled. ‘Please forgive me, Lord.’

   Dunyas skirt and blouse were torn, her reddened face awash with tears. There was a horribly proud sadness in her eyes as she looked to the ceiling, her lips moving in prayer. It reminded Ivan of all those summer days by the river or in the depths of the forest.

   Unseen, he turned and walked out of the house.

   Whether that was the first time father had taken daughter, he could never be sure. But nothing was ever said, and a few months later he was sent to his uncles in Petersburg, and Dunya accepted a job as a maid with a well-to-do family in a neighbouring district. As far as he knew, thats where she remained to this day. Dunya, sweet Dunya, he repeated to himself time and time again.

   Stirred by his memories, he resolved to write to her, and as this was to be the last thing he would ever compose, he wanted to make it as noble-sounding as possible.

 

Dear Sister,

 

In a few short hours your loving brother will be taken from his lonely cell and shot for his revolutionary convictions. But please, do not shed a tear for me, or light a candle in church for it would be inappropriate. I am what I have become: a firm believer in equality for the toiling masses, for the overthrow of the present regime, and for a complete restructuring of our society. For far too long now the workers and peasants have been downtrodden and exploited, and although this may come as a great shock to you, do not be disheartened. Change is nigh, dear Dunya, soon the world as we once knew it will no longer exist, and my death will not have been in vain. I know it is many years since we had any contact, and please believe me, I would not have written to you unless I was in the most desperate of circumstances. But as my only remaining family member, I felt it was only right and proper that you should be informed of the facts surrounding my impending demise. I do not fear death, Dunya dearest, if anything, he is my true brother.

 

I wish you all the happiness in the world.

 

Adieu

 

Ivan

 

He was not sure why he even bothered. Perhaps he wanted to have one last impact on someones life, and regardless of the past, he knew the worthy Dunya would feel some sort of remorse, maybe shed a tear for him, perhaps even go so far as to light the candle he had begged her not to light, anything, so long as someone was thinking of him after he was dead.

 

4

It was a cold, overcast morning. Snow fell intermittently. The heavily-fettered prisoners were bundled out of the back of a black carriage, where a priest in burial vestments stood in wait.

   ‘Today you shall see the just conclusion of your case,’ he said. ‘Follow me.’

   They stumbled along in the snow beside some soldiers. Up ahead five stakes had been driven into the frozen ground, and behind them were a line of carts - seemingly laden with empty coffins.

   ‘Is this really the end?’ Turgenovsky asked Lev.

   But Lev only pointed in silence to the waiting carts.

  Among the military personnel, a few hundred spectators had gathered to witness the grisly scene. From the refined side of Petrograd society, they stood on a grandstand, some looking through lorgnettes, as if they were spending an enjoyable afternoon at the races.

   The prisoners were placed side by side, and some artillerymen moved into position in front of them.

   ‘Present arms!’ shouted their commanding officer.

   A drum roll sounded, slowly increasing in intensity. Turgenovsky could barely breathe. It was if someone was pressing their hands to his throat, tightening their grip with each passing moment.

   The commanding officer stepped forward to complete the formalities, reading from some papers.

   ‘After careful consideration of the Military Court the General-Auditoriat has reached the conclusion that the accused are guilty as charged, whether to a lesser or greater degree, of intending to overthrow the Fatherlands existing laws and national order, and are therefore condemned to death by firing-squad.’

   One after another, the guilty men were called.

   ‘The former student, Turgenovsky - aged twenty-one - for participation in criminal plans, for attempting to print and distribute subversive works with the aid of a printing-press - condemned to death by firing-squad.’

   When all the sentences had been read, the officer folded up the papers and stuck them in his side pocket. The condemned were given white shirts with hoods and long sleeves. As they put these on, the priest started pacing up and down in front of them.

   ‘The wages of sin are death, and yet, physical death is not the end. Through faith and recognition of your sins, you may still inherit eternal life.’

   Only one of them sought to confess and kiss the cross - Turgenovsky. He fell to his knees and prostrated himself before the priest, grabbing his lower vestment.

   ‘Please, please…have mercy on me. It was them, all them. I’ve done nothing wrong. This is a mistake. I’ve -

   A guard dragged him to his feet.

   ‘Now you’ve done your job, priest,’ shouted one of the generals. ‘You’ve nothing more to do. So let us get on with it.’

With hoods over their faces, the prisoners were tied to the stakes. One platoon of twelve men lined up fifteen paces from them. The soldiers took aim. There was a long pause. Turgenovsky lost all control of his bodily function; urine sprinkling over the snow-laden ground. Then suddenly an official of some kind rushed over, shouting and waving a white cloth. The soldiers lowered their rifles. A carriage sped into the square. Another official jumped out with a sealed envelope, and handed it to the commanding officer. Turgenovsky’s hands were untied, and the hood lifted from his head. They had received a last-minute reprieve from the Tsar. Their sentences had been commuted to four years administrative exile in a Siberian penal colony.

 

5

Unlike his co-conspirators, Turgenovsky had no family or rich patron to help fund his transit, and would have to make the arduous journey amongst the common criminal classes. On the morning of departure a bunch of convicts were herded onto the station platform. In ragged clothes and bast-made shoes these wretched creatures moved around like pack dogs, eyeing each other with suspicion, probing for any sign of weakness; anything they could exploit for their own benefit.

   A sickly-looking man in a filthy greatcoat sidled up alongside Turgenovsky.

   ‘Friend?’

   Turgenovsky tried to ignore him.

   ‘Your eyes!’ said the man. ‘You’ve got the devils eyes. But they’ll be of no use to you where were going. Listen. I can see youre a political, that youre not really cut out for this sort of thing, so Im willing to help you.’

   ‘I - I dont need any help,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘Im quite capable of looking after myself, thank you very much.’

   ‘Nonsense,’ said the other man. ‘A dandy fella like you wont last five minutes. One wrong move and you could be dead or branded or shorn of your lovely locks.’ He touched Turgenovskys hair. ‘Stick with me. I can make sure things go easy for you. I can make sure nobody bothers you unduly. This type of vermin’ - he gestured over his shoulder - ‘can get out of hand on a long journey like this. Cabin fever, they call it. Three weeks crammed together, I’ve seen some very unpleasant things happen in my time, I can tell you. Men taken against their will, used like women, passed around like common whores.’

   ‘Taken against their will?’ Turgenovskys dread fear only mounted. ‘But surely the guards will -’

   ‘The guards could care less,’ said the other man. ‘Do yourself a favour and stick with me. We’ll be aboard soon - stay close, and make sure we dont get separated - that way were sure to be in the same carriage.’

   The boarding process was chaotic. Guards pushed and kicked convicts towards the compartments. Bottlenecks formed. Men stumbled and fell. It was absurd. Two trains would struggle to cope with this many prisoners.

   In the ensuing crush, a rifle-butt slammed into the small of Turgenovsky’s back, and he was sent sprawling into the man in front of him.

   As he stood and straightened, someone started shouting his name.

   ‘Convict Turgenovsky! Convict Turgenovsky!’

   He turned to see a thick-set guard pushing his way through the crowds, waving a letter above his head.

   ‘Here!’ Turgenovsky shouted. ‘Im over here!’

   The guard cleared a path, and handed Turgenovsky the letter.

   ‘Youre a very lucky man,’ he said. ‘I was about to give up on you. We received this letter this morning. Come with me. You’ve just been upgraded to first class.’

   As the guard went through the formalities with a colleague, Turgenovsky opened the envelope and read the letter.

 

Dear Ivan,

 

Pray to God this letter reaches you before it’s too late. I cannot begin to tell you how distressed I was when I received word of your impending execution. For days, I was frantic with worry, and it was with great relief that I learned of your reprieve. The Lord is merciful. With my husbands connections (Im ashamed to admit, I dont even know if you are aware of my marriage), I have kept up to date with the development of your case, and managed to get a few hundred roubles to you, hoping the money will make your transit and settlement in Siberia as comfortable as possible. I know this must be a testing time, but stay strong, renew your relations with God, and everything will work out fine. Perhaps it is a blessing in disguise He works in mysterious ways, so they say and this may enable you to see the light, to do some writing, and reconcile yourself with the Almighty.

 

I will light a candle for you, regardless.

 

Thinking of you in your time of need.

 

Dunya

 

His second reprieve in a handful of weeks felt even sweeter than the first, and a solitary tear dropped onto the crumpled sheet of writing-paper. Oh Dunya, sweet Dunya, he said to himself time and time again.

   The other compartment was of the same cage-like construction as the first but not nearly as overcrowded. Each man here had a bunk to himself, and access to some basic washing and toilet facilities. Of the dozen or so prisoners milling around, one clean-shaven individual with pince-nez stood out. There was something familiar about him, and the other men treated him with such deference, Turgenovsky resolved to keep a close eye on his activities.

   As it transpired, nighttimes proved to be of most interest. After the guards looked in for the last time, a small group gathered in one corner of the compartment. Their whispered discussions often got heated, and it sounded as if they were trying to hatch some sort of escape plan. The man with the pince-nez, who the other men called Pero, was always at the forefront of things, gesturing expansively, and pacing up and down as he spoke.

   Late one evening, a week or so into their journey, Turgenovsky shuffled closer to the conspirators, hoping to get a better idea of what they were planning to do.

   ‘Are you sure our people in Verkholensk have been properly briefed?’ Pero asked. ‘One wrong move and it could be all over. The authorities take a very dim view of escape attempts, and are sure to mete out the strictest punishment possible to anyone who tries.’

   ‘Rest assured,’ said a squat, middle-aged man. ‘All guards have been paid off in vodka. Our contacts will hide you in the back of a cart at the station. By the time we set off again it will be far too late to do anything about it. You’ll be well on your way back to Petrograd.’

   Pero took off his pince-nez and rubbed his eyes.

   ‘Sorry for doubting you. I just need to know that things are in hand; that nothing has been left to chance. Were entering a crucial stage, comrades. It irks me to be this far away from the capital.’

   ‘I understand,’ said the squat man. ‘But the very fact that so many of our senior figures are out of commission may prove to our advantage. There’s no way the authorities can keep abreast of our activities when we’re spread this far apart. The basis of their strategy, forcing us abroad and into exile or prison, could be their undoing.’

   Pero put his pince-nez back on.

   ‘So, all we can do now is sit back and wait.’

   Early next morning, as the other men were queuing for the toilet, Turgenovsky got a chance to talk to Pero alone. He was on his bunk, sorting through some linen, when Turgenovsky walked over and sat opposite him.

   ‘Excuse me. I couldn’t help overhearing you talking last night and, er…not to pry or be presumptuous, but have you some sort of escape plan in mind?’

   Pero adjusted his pince-nez and looked at Turgenovsky with complete indifference. It was then Turgenovsky realized why he seemed so familiar before. He had seen that face in many Petrograd newspapers - all that was missing was the trademark goatee beard. He looked so ridiculous without it, Turgenovsky felt like bursting out laughing.

   ‘Why, you’re Trotsky, Leon Trotsky.’

   Trotsky grabbed Turgenovsky by the wrist.

   ‘Shush!’ he hissed. His piercing eyes full of contempt. ‘Keep your voice down, you fool! The guards dont know who I am. Im aboard this train under an assumed name.  Last week, I swapped places with another inmate. We exchanged identities, and the prison authorities were too stupid to notice. I know it sounds like an absurd, convoluted plan, but my life was in danger back there. Wed had word of an assassination attempt. By slipping away on a transit train I hoped to disappear, to go underground, and ultimately, make an escape somewhere along the line, and return to Petrograd to help organize the final putsch.’

   ‘Oh - oh, I see,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘Well, thats excellent, because its imperative I get back to Petrograd, too. Im a writer, you see, an emerging figure in the fight for equality. A few weeks ago, I had the misfortune of being arrested with my comrades and -

   ‘Whats your name?’

   ‘Turgenovsky, Ivan Fyodorovich. Perhaps you read my piece on -’

   ‘Never heard of you,’ said Trotsky. ‘But listen. We greatly value the power of the written word, and undoubtedly, the writer will have an important part to play in the coming Revolution. But for now, sacrifices have to be made. Our people are being arrested, tortured, and killed on a daily basis. So serve your sentence, spread the word amongst the workers and peasants you come into contact with in exile. Thats the best way to proceed until the day of reckoning. And when we are victorious, you can return to Petrograd and pursue your writing career.’

   ‘I dont think you quite understand me,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘Im not your average run-of-the-mill hack. Im an artist and - and a man of the people, of course, and can be of much more use to you in Petrograd than in some frozen wasteland. So take me with you…please.’

   ‘I appreciate your earnestness,’ said Trotsky. ‘But its just not possible. Our plan can only accommodate one person. If more were to come, it would jeopardize the whole operation. Besides, if I were to take somebody else, Im afraid you wouldn’t be very high on the list. Aboard this train alone are some twenty or so experienced men who’ve been active revolutionaries since before the 1905 uprising.’

   Turgenovsky lowered his head.

   ‘If only I hadn’t got involved with that damn printing-press!’

   ‘Printing-press?’

   ‘Yes,’ Turgenovsky replied. ‘Thats why I was arrested: for printing and disseminating anti-Tsarist literature.” An uncle of mine was in the trade, and for a few years I was an apprentice of sorts. If it wasnt for my immense literary prowess and flair for languages - I speak fluent English and French, you see - I would undoubtedly have gone into the print in some capacity. The higher end, you understand, as Im conversant with all facets of the industry; every nut and bolt, so to speak.’

   ‘You know how to set up and operate a printing-press? And you speak two languages?’

   ‘Why of course,’ said Turgenovsky, sensing something favourable brewing. ‘Theres very little I dont know about printing-presses and conversational English and French.’

   For a moment, Trotsky seemed lost in thought.

   ‘No, no, its impossible,’ he said after a long pause. ‘It would be foolish to make any last-minute changes to our plans, lives are at risk.’

   Turgenovsky leaned closer.

   ‘But think about it, Trot - I mean, Pero. Not only am I a great writer in the making, Im a practical man of action, too. Everyone knows men with technical printing knowledge and a flair for languages are short on the ground at present. It would be like taking three extra people, not one. And in times like these, comrade, you must weigh up the risks with the rewards.’

   Trotsky refused to make a decision, wanting to confer with his comrades first. Fortunately for Turgenovsky, those involved with the plan were far from adverse to the idea of another man going along, and when hearing of his various aptitudes, they encouraged his participation.

   ‘What difference does it make, Pero?’ asked the squat conspirator. ‘When the guards do their nightly headcount, we’ll put something bulky in Ivans bed, too, to make it look as if he was sleeping. Theyre far too lazy to check. And we have great need of skilled lithographers and linguists in Petrograd.’

   Trotsky rubbed his chin.

   ‘I still dont know. I dont want to make things difficult for our friends. Theres so much to consider here. I dont want to take any unnecessary risks.’

   ‘But take risks, we must,’ said the squat man. ‘If we dont now, we may never forgive ourselves.’

 

Chapters

2

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Seringapatam wrote 36 days ago

Your writing is great and so engaging. It would be difficult to believe that one wouldnt become hooked in this book. You display some intelligent writing to say the least and it looks to me that you have found your niche genre and this is where you will do well. Great story, brilliant pace to it and superb narrative. So well done and I will see where this goes.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

rikasworld wrote 87 days ago

Hi, happy to hear that the Holy Drinker is now published. I think this one is even better. I have thoroughly enjoyed what I have read so far - got as far as him joining up with Lenin.
Turgenovsky is a nicely Flashmanlike hero. I liked the way he was introduced in the first chapter. He sounded delightful until his attitude to young girls became obvious. His thoughts about his sister are pretty horrific too and his readiness to sacrifice everyone else for his own ends.
It's a fast paced read and the details are very convincing - even introducing the great names of the Russian Revolution seemed quite natural and I think I'm going to learn a fair bit about the period.
One small edit. In the part where he thinks he's going to be in the rough area of the train and the other man is offering to protect him, it should be 'The guards couldn't care less' I think.
I will definitely buy this if you let me know when it's up on Amazon.

AbiBoots wrote 168 days ago

Lovely, intellingent writing and a really intriguing story line. Your writing really captures the feel of the country and is visual and cinematic. I could see the scenes open out before me, in black and white, as I read. I will save this to my bookshelf to read more soon.

Kit Fox wrote 182 days ago

I like the way you have taken the end of the story and then taken it back to the beginning so we are keen to see how the character gets there. Early days as I have only read a few chapters but good first impression.

Would have liked to see more of the 'inner workings' of Turgenovsky's thoughts and character in the opening to compel me to continue but this is a small point.

I will read on as time allows! Best of luck, Kit Fox

R.E. Ader wrote 189 days ago

I have only started to read, and must say that I am somewhat impressed with the premise and your writing style. Good work.

DecemberRaen wrote 207 days ago

Your writing impressed me. I am a huge fan of dystopian literature, and your novel is a prime example of this genre. 6 stars from me.

Abby Vandiver wrote 209 days ago

This is very well written. I didn't notice any errors and think little if any editing needs to be done. There was a good flow and your writing was engaging. You tell a story very well. I only read a few chapters but I couldn't understand why you decided to make the final days the first chapter. I would think that it would read better if you told the story from the beginning.

Great start. Six stars from me.

Abby

Maria44 wrote 213 days ago

My one and only criticism is one you share with Tolstoy, and that is it takes me a few chapters to properly familiarise with Russian names (I expected Denisov to mispronounce his 'r's.

Your writing is excellent though, original similes and the conversations first rate, Turgenovsky speaks like a classical writer would, his comment about critics etc. Overall a great piece of work.

Maria

Nigel Fields wrote 289 days ago

I would love to have a copy of this book to set next to my Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky--it's that good.
JBCampbell

arne wrote 291 days ago

This is very good work. I liked it very much. I am partial to your style and will be keeping an eye out for more from you. Good work here, highly rated.
Arne Lash
Pimps, Beggars, and Bones.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 299 days ago

BUTTERFLY & THE WHEEL
This is an interesting story. Turgenovsky is a good character; rich and famous he may be, but he has a dark under side which makes him a character a reader wants to follow. Poor Bazdeyev; looks like even though he’s trying hard to get a personal moment with Turgenovsky, it’s not going to happen; not when Turgenovsky is so much interested in Nina. An important strength in your writing is your ability to describe settings. You give just enough information a read knows what things look like; not so much you bog down your story. Depicts the Russian background well. A good read, I’m starring this and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Kit Masters wrote 397 days ago

Hello, I've read up to Lenin's declaration of the revolution now and congratulations on a very readable story so far.

I find some things frustrating though; Ivan Turgenovsky is a difficult to read character, I find him more of a don Quixoite than a Raskelnikoff, I'm not sure which you are going for.

I know I'm not supposed to like him but he's a real pain in the backside!

I'd like to know your aim in writing this; if it's just to be historical then great, you tick all the boxes with your excellently well researched incidents into which Ivan stumbles.

If on the other hand your intention is to be more literary than simply plot driven then I think it may be worth investing more time developing likable qualities in your main character; not to say that he can't wee himself and lie, but as long as he has something deeper going on we will forgive him.

For instance when he was on the ordinary prisoner cattle class, I thought to myself, "great he's going to go on a 'Resurrection' style journey and we'll fall in love with him and feel invested."

However the sister comes to the rescue and he avoids having to do any of the penitence, that his sister aptly suggests, when he bumbles into Trotsky and escapes.

If your aim is to create a Flashman or a don Quioxite, then you've got the structure but I'd probably like a little humour to go with it.

But saying that you could easily replace Ivan with a deep and lovable creation and make more of an emotional impact.

I felt that your name choices indicate that you're a fan of Russian fiction, (Volonsky, Denisov etc,) and your discussion of what Ivan reads, but your narrative voice has a light hearted flow which is nice to read but doesn't have the deep gravitas of the big Russian novelists.

Try for instance writing in a Tolstoy-esque long sentence into the occasional paragraph, or look at how Turgenev structures his sentences; I think that things like this will give you greater authenticity.


I truely admire this work, especially in terms of the historical detail and lavish attention to structure that you've put in.

I am also aware that I have not read anywhere near enough to assert the worth of much of what I've said, I just hope that it can be of some use to you!

I certainly hope that you take my comments positively, because they are meant in that way.

This is a story that I wish to keep reading, congratulations on an accomplished piece of writing which is truely individual!

Sincerely and with regards

Kit

Geddy25 wrote 411 days ago

This is fantastic and should be in print!!!!
I wasn't sure how I'd like a historical, Russian tale, but you have created something wonderful. I keep having to tell myself it's fiction as you have made it all sound so real.
Your writing flows with ease and you captured my attention so easily.
Very good luck with this! Top stars!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

outofprintwriter wrote 421 days ago

Hi
I'm so pleased to stumble across this book. And I should thank you in advance for your lovely comments about my own book - I feel so much more humbled now that I have seen the quality of your writing!

Firstly, let me just say that your book really appeals to my own interests. I love the classic Russian writers (I studied Russian literature at uni) and that period in Russia's history is so interesting. I have also travelled to Russia a couple of times. Have you been there yourself? Your descriptions are so vivid and everything about your work is so well-researched.

I like that you start the novel when there is some action going on, as it gets the reader interested straight away. You set the scene well and much about Ivan's character comes out in the first chapter through what he says and does, without it being boring exposition. And I also believed in your dialogue - which is such an important thing for me. And I think you have really tried to capture how they would speak back in the day...

But the moment I knew I was reading something truly brilliant was when Dunya was introduced. This reveals so much about the type of person Ivan is and I can tell that he is going to be one of those classic characters that readers struggle with, that do things that they hate, but perhaps they can't help liking him anyway.

We just got an ipad today - which is making reading vast amounts of text online far easier. So I look forward to reading more of your book soon!

Ruth2904 wrote 424 days ago

Love your opening lines. Usually I like to see dialogue in the opening lines, but this works very well indeed. You capture the atmosphere right from the start making me feel as though I'm in Russia, living the moment. Your work is first class and flows extremely well. Certainly a book with a difference. Well done.

Ruth 2904
To Dream Again

riantorr wrote 425 days ago

This is how I would edit the last line of your first paragraph. Nuanced changes, but you may see what I mean.

"... In a belted, blood-red tunic, with long grey hair flowing past his shoulders, he alighted in a flourish, belying his seventy-three years."

Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

Numbers wrote 425 days ago

Hi,

This is very well written and researched. I can tell tremendous time and effort has gone into this. I only wish I had more time to read the entire MS (I'll slowly make my way there - as I'm doing with other books).

The pace flowed well. Not too fast, not too slow. The dialogue touches upon the melodrama that Dostoyevsky applies to the majority of his characters in The Brothers Karamazov.

Starred and remaining on my watchlist til I read more!

Cheers,
Adam

marfleet wrote 428 days ago

I love historical pieces so this was a delight. I know very little about the period in Russia and so enjoy the detail, in fact I would not have minded a bit more historical background from time to time (as long as it doesn’t drag on the plot - a difficult balance). I thought the pace of the book was about right and the glimpse into the seedy side of the MC given in the opening chapter added momentum. The MS is very clean of errors but there were a couple of instances where the dialogue seemed a little forced (e.g. opening conversation with Trotsky) although it did give a “Russian” feel and perhaps that is more important.

These are just a couple of points I jotted down as I read so feel free to use or ignore :-)
- First paragraph of Chap 2 could benefit from turning it into 2 or even 3 to break it up a bit.

- I feel there may be a bit of a timing inconsistency around his sentencing, reprieve and sending to Siberia. He was supposed to be shot the morning after his capture (see end paragraph before number 3 in Chap2) yet he gets a letter to his sister, she follows his case for some time (it is implied) and then gets money to him. Also “his second reprieve in a handful of weeks” is inconsistent, so I think the first instance saying he is to be shot the following morning needs to be corrected.

- Not too sure Trotsky would blurt the entire escape plan in one go to a stranger. It may be more convincing to have the plan come out in longer dialogue somehow.

I enjoyed this and have put it on my WL. All the best with it.

Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

like2read wrote 429 days ago

This is really interesting. I'm adding it to my watch list.

Ian_Keith wrote 436 days ago

It's a pleasure to read your well-crafted prose. I'm adding The Butterfly and the Wheel to my bookshelf.

uncas wrote 439 days ago

Very interesting idea - I like the overall concept and hope it works out for you.
Regards,
Uncas

eurodan49 wrote 440 days ago

Hi Randall,
Read a few chapters and browsed a lot more.
The character’s name took me to Turgenev, as it would many a reader, and I would suggest a change (unless you intend to claim that Ivan plagiarized).
Let’s talk about your story.
Good start and nice intro of your MC. That said, I didn’t find the right color for a small Soviet town of the Brezhnev era. Chapter 2 starts real well and there’s plenty of tension, but part 3 is a long neutral narrative voice which did little for the story. And while I’m at it, these numbered subchapters got me confused. Do you need them? Getting to Trotsky, he was the real ideologue of the movement, he had a magnetic personality and flamboyant speech and often began hours long tirades. In your description, you don’t do him justice. When I met Lenin, I expected to be introduced to the elaborate security which surrounded him. I know, you’re writing fiction, but their historical characters are played down too much—and as I said, I don’t see the tension which was all over Petrograd at the time. Many years ago, I met some old Russians who actively participated in the revolution. They spoke colorfully, describing the riots, street fights, the cold, famished rabble, the killings, rapes, torching, stealing, the Red Guards surrounding the top Bolshevik leaders—in their trademark long black leather coats, red armbands, revolvers hanging by their necks, and the summary justice they enforced. Sorry, just a thought.
Chapter 3 draws away from historical figures and does a much better portrayal of the time. But again, a little color would help. Just saying “the 3rd class compartment was cold and gloomy, why not show it? To begin, there were no compartments in 3rd class, the car had wooden bench seats on both sides with an aisle in between. People were running away from the fighting. You really needed to know someone to get a seat on a train. Red Squads shot those trying to get on board without proper documentation (usually a printed paper with a stamp). People were running away with their belongings, Red Squads confiscated everything the wanted. People were hungry, dirty, with kids—the noise in 3rd class would had been unimaginable, and the smell…
I like your voice. The dialogue sounds real enough (even if historically incorrect)—nothing that can’t be fixed with a good editing.
Overall, a nice story, worthy of backing. It will go on my shelf as soon as I take one down. If I forget, remind me in a few days.
Good luck.
Dan

Davidmauriceware wrote 446 days ago

Plain and simple brillance, I love the fast paced smooth and steady flow. Backed

Ann Campbell wrote 447 days ago

N.A. Randall

Thanks for agreeing to swap reads Neil.

The Butterfly and the Wheel
This is an exciting, fast-moving, story, with the protagonist nicely developed as a pompous phony, though perhaps a bit to obviously self-aggrandizing; e.g. his heavy-handed references to his great literary talent, etc..

I got the impression that the writer was too intent on the well-imagined plot developments to work on the re-writing and editing that would have made it even better. I almost gave up in Chap 1 (some problems are mentioned by others posts) but Chaps. 2 and 3 were much better and the story so vivid and interesting that I've Watchlisted it.
The somewhat formal, overblown, language is fine when it's used to show how self-important Turgenevsky is, but muddies the story up when it's the author speaking. Sometimes the language would work better if a little more precise, e.g. the fur coat is "not in bearing with" the wearer's sentiments--'didn't fit' 'wasn't in line with'??.
Possible typos or cut-and-paste slips, "they were a sporadic phenomenon"? (Should be 'they were sporadic phenomena'). Similarly, "the majority of the next day"? Majority refers to a number of items, and "most of the next day" is terser anyway.
One research nitpick: most educated Russians spoke at least two languages in Lenin's day (and most of the revolutionaries were educated bourgeois in origin) so it's not much of a selling point for T. What if he had very special printing skills or contacts? (I've researched a lot re. Russia 1898-1917 for my own novel "Ssylka"--not yet on Authonomy.)

I look forward to reading more, Anne.

Ann Campbell wrote 447 days ago

Hi, are you interested in swapping reads. I've read part of 'Butterfly' and will post soon. Will you take a look at "Polly"? Anne.

Ann Campbell wrote 447 days ago

Hi, are you interested in swapping reads. I've read part of 'Butterfly' and will post soon. Will you take a look at "Polly"? Anne.

johnpatrick wrote 450 days ago

Hello NA,
Read up to the end of chap 2.
This is refreshing, great flow and so very informative.
It almost feels dialogue driven-up untill the BS in part 3 above-conferring a frenetic pace.
You trust the readers intelligence throughout, only two things stand out for me as overplayed:
'an almost ravenous glint'
'20 roubles, you say' The 'you say' is unncessary.

Great read, will go far I'm sure.
High stars and WL for now.
John
Dropping Babies.

Paul Beattie wrote 450 days ago

Really enjoyed this, NA. Shelved and highly rated.

I'm a huge fan of historical fiction - particularly where the storyline has a contemporary, almost satirical feel - and this seems to fit the bill very nicely. The prose is terrifically smooth - vivid and original and with an immediate, almost filmic quality to the phrasing/imagery. Very impressive.

The sense of place (both re the 1910s and 1960s) is clearly but subtly evoked. It's obvious you know your stuff but you don't feel the need to ram your research down the reader's throat. It's just there in the background, adding colour and depth. Nicely done. Convincing and purposeful dialogue. Good sense of a sprawling, quite ambitious storyline taking shape. Clever use of dry, sardonic wit, particularly in the dialogue.

If I were to offer any criticism, it would be that, altho I loved the conversational exchanges - the various voices ring true and the exchanges add good energy to the scenes - there were times when I felt as if the novel was relying too much on dialogue to move the storyline along. I know that's an odd criticism (and it's probably just me!!) but, on quite a few occasions, I longed for a little more preamble both to set the scene and provide the reader with a clearer insight into the various character's motivations/mindset etc. At the moment, the breakneck speed of the novel (particularly a novel which is bound to invite comparisons with Pasternak, Dostoevsky etc), while helping to keep the pages turning, prevents me from engaging fully with the characters and the overall thrust of the narrative. Just a thought.

In short, a beautifully written, vividly real, very original piece of writing. Thanks and best of luck. P

FrancesK wrote 451 days ago

Drawn by the Russian backdrop, I was held by the dry humour, the flamboyantly Russian characters and the unlikely juxtaposition of Lenin, Trotsky and a grubby little self serving writer all caught up in the glorious revolution. I'll be back for more, meanwhile please accept six stars and a backing with my compliments - Frances K

Fred Le Grand wrote 458 days ago

Hi,
This is a very professional piece of writing and I enjoyed it.
Where you get the names from beats me.
There is a very authentic Russian feel to the first chapter.
BTW avoid green eyes in any of your writing - editors laugh about it - I'm told.
Backed.

scargirl wrote 464 days ago

i know i have back this already, but every time i look at it, i am drawn in by the premise...
j
what every woman should know

Carolyn Brown Heinz wrote 469 days ago

As a reader, I'm there. . . 1968 Russia, the train station, the public speeches, the idolized author, the smarmy bureaucrat---it's all visual and alive. I'd buy this book; it's the kind of book I read.

I do have one thought about the first chapter: it seems possibly too long. And there's a shift that happens that you might use to break to a second chapter. One gets a Tolstoyesque feeling at the beginning, though with early suspicions about the great man, but beginning with "Since his final address. . . ," the POV changes to Bazdeyev's, and we begin to see Turgenovsky differently. Maybe there IS a break there--I see there's an extra paragraph break. So maybe it would feel like a big enough transition in print, but even a whole chapter break might be good.

Just a thought. I'm truly impressed with the writing and the wonderful historical and cultural setting.

ClaireLyman wrote 474 days ago

First of all, like Di below I have to say that I was grabbed by the short pitch. (Your novel has been on my WL basically since I joined, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get round to reading it.... ) I had to concentrate to follow the longer pitch, but this is definitely the kind of story that appeals. I'm fascinated by communist Russia and of course by the idea of writing and being recognised for art - the combination of the two is definitely something that would make me pick up this book in a bookshop.
"When you get to my age there'll be plenty of time for sleeping" - this sentence confused me. Does he mean he'll get to sleep a lot soon, once he's passed away?
I loved your first sentence, and the first few after that - in just a few words you deftly paint the scene and plunge us in the atmosphere. Also great that you introduce elements like Nina - I liked the "His tongue darted out over his top lip" - nice detail that says it all. The occasional sentence could do with tightening - "despite seeming to be far from listening", for example - you might find it helpful to read it out loud - dull, tedious and you feel like an idiot but it really helps you tighten things. This is good stuff though!

Diwrite wrote 476 days ago

I really like this.
The short pitch grabbed me and if I'd been in a bookshop I would have picked it up. (The long pitch perhaps goes on too far - nothing wrong with keeping some of your powder dry.)

I found the writing good - confident and engaging with a nice flow, but it's the story that really grabbed me. Human frailty and bad decisions always draw me in. And I think many of us on this site can relate to the irony of a poor writer making it big!

I'll be putting this on my shelf as soon as there's room.
Good luck!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Julia Strand wrote 479 days ago

This is really interesting, and generally very well written. I have a few comments on your pitches and first chapter:

- short pitch - I really liked this, it's what made me put it on my watchlist (along with the intriguing title)

- long pitch - I like this too, but I have the feeling that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs go a bit too far into the plot and map out the book rather too much. In my opinion (which is of course only my opinion!) I'd amend it as follows:
1st paragraph fine
2nd paragraph fine, but add the next sentence of the third paragraph to it, so that it finishes 'battles to keep his reputation intact.'
Cut the rest of the 3rd paragraph and all of the 4th paragraph.
5th paragraph good

I'm a strong believer that less is more when it comes to the back of a book, and I think this would make the pitch a bit more of a teaser, leaving a few of the twists and turns of the plot to be a surprise.

- first paragraph: in general I like this opening, and I think you've made a particularly neat job of conveying Turgenovsky's appearance in a way that flows - always a tricky one at the start of a book. I love the idea that he has different coloured eyes - somehow disconcerting - but it strikes me there's something very slightly clumsy about that last sentence. I wondered about rephrasing:
"... especially his curious, different coloured eyes, one grey and lifeless offset by another of almost emerald green. They gave his waxen features and prominent cheekbones ..."
Do you think that's any better?

For my taste, it's also rather a long first paragraph, which slows the pace unnecessarily. I'd be inclined to put in a paragraph break after 'seventy-three years', so that the next paragraph has the new piece of action of the new character rushing forward. I'm not very keen on 'alighting with a flourish' - I know what you're getting at, but I'm not convinced that those two words go together - how about: "alighting with a nimbleness which belied his 73 years" (also avoids the slightly odd looking 'belying').

The writing runs on well after this, and there are several little things I really like - 'devotee at Holy Communion', and Turgenovsky referring to himself obliquely as "the great poet". Lovely!

The dialogue works quite well to my ear - there's a sort of momentousness in the phrasing which suits the picture of a great man addressing a supplicant. The only thing that struck me is that a couple of the contractions are rather at odds with the rhythm of it, such as 'The pleasure's all mine' - since Turgenovsky is speaking in ringing tones, why not, 'The pleasure is all mine.' Also later on 'there'll be plenty of time for sleeping.' I'd go for the full 'there will''.

In the same vein, I'd put in a paragraph break in the first paragraph of Turgenovsky's speech after 'prevalent in our society'. I think this would improve the pace and help the reader to hear the stirring tones of Turgenovsky's delivery.

You conjure the picture of the streets and the celebrations really well, so I enjoyed the rest of this very much. You also convey Turgenovsky's lasiviciousness brilliantly - it makes my skin crawl, especially the darting tongue and ravenenous glint. And the end of the chapter draws the reader uncomfortably onwards to see how Nina will survive the encounter.

I hope these remarks are helpful. Please don't be discouraged by my very specific criticisms. I only bother to comment in this kind of detail on work that I think shows real promise! I'm also more than prepared to submit to your dissection of mine, if you have the time and inclination.

Julia
Time Was Away

scarlettwarrior wrote 482 days ago

Such a quick read-along feel, with a kind of modern pacing that still allows for a traditional 'classic' style approach. Of what I've read so far, it feels like a very warming read and the seeds of the plot line have been sown and so I am drawn in. It's the type of book someone like me loves to read with a knowing and wry grin of enjoyment. I will read more when I have the chance! Thank you for backing my book too - though it is a long time since I have even looked at it - I can barely remember what it reads like!

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 485 days ago

The farther I read, the more I like this. I've always enjoyed the Russian writers, especially Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, and I think you're coming along in their wake. And thanks for backing my book and making some helpful comments.

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 486 days ago

Fascinating. I want to keep reading and reading. I'm happy to add it to my bookshelf and give it a bunch of stars.

Emily Lives wrote 490 days ago

This book reads like a classic . . . and it is. Love it, love it, love it.

Lil' Em

Michelle Williamson wrote 500 days ago

HI,
I've put you on my watchlist. I've read a bit and I like your style.

Michelle Williamson

Lulie wrote 519 days ago

Hi. There is much to admire here; the writing is mostly extremely competent. Personally, though, I would launch straight in with dialogue at the opening, then feed in description in smaller doses. Telling us that Turgenovsky's eyes are different colours is by the by, really, and holds up that crucial beginning where you hook your readers in.
Do take a look at 'Jelly-Boy'; I'd be grateful.

Jack Hughes wrote 533 days ago

"Turgenovsky's literary aspirations far outweigh his talents..." God I know how that feels! A perfect hook-line. I remember backing this book a while ago, it is clever, beautifully written and, in some ways, is a most befitting tribute to the ambitions and desperations that all of us have faced at some point or another on our literary journies. Excellent work, I will back it again as soon as I find a space. Good luck.

Jack Hughes



Floodo wrote 536 days ago

It might be a little stileted but you depict an era, a time when language mattered more than it does now to many. Modern writers indulge in bad language, weak vocabulary and inaccuracies in expression. I like it. Will back it. similar to mine in a way. Shades of Green - when you have time. Thanks Mary

PAB40 wrote 551 days ago

Don't agree, the dialogue is informative and natural - from what I have read elsewhere, functionaries tended to talk as though they were making memos half the time. I works here. Having enjoyed 'Stalin: the court if the red tsar' which dwells on the fate of writers good and bad, I think the a book about literature and it's politicisation in that era is an untapped market. Liked the Cuba bits. Excellent concept.

Charles Bunton wrote 560 days ago

I have no wish to contest the historical accuracy of your book but I do find some of the dialogue unnaturally stilted and impossible to reconcile with the spoken word! It's as if the writer is using the characters to convey background information to the reader instead of filtering it through in the manner of realistic conversation. Just my impression.
Best wishes
Stewart

JamesRevoir wrote 593 days ago

Hello:

I read the first several chapters of The Butterfly and the Wheel and thoroughly enjoyed the story. It grabs the reader's attention quickly and continues to move along at a good pace; moreover, it provides a readable historical primer as to what was going on in the minds of the Russian people during the Bolshevik Revolution.

May this book find a publisher to launch you to your writing dreams.

James Revoir

rommyo wrote 596 days ago

I like this one. In terms of craftsmanship, there's maybe turns of phrase occasionally seeming very slightly stilted, but it sort of suits a general "Russianness." Otherwise it's very well-done.

I can imagine the overall high concept of the book being synonymous with "ME MAKE NO MONEY" in the minds of today's sophisticated publishing professionals, sadly. I'm not sure if that's a valid or interesting "critique," but it might be holding you back from fulfilling dreams of filthy lucre.

Catherine Edmunds wrote 609 days ago

Cover art: it's red. Hard to say much else about it. Okay, it's clearly the most appropriate colour you could have used, and it's better than a badly drawn butterfly and wheel would have been, but it's too conceptual for its own good.

Title: good.

Short pitch: very good. Makes me interested to read on.

Long pitch: too long. I get the impression you've summarised the entire book here, rather than enticing me with possibilities. I'd re-think this.

Chapter one. Not the greatest of opening sentences. I would definitely delete 'The struggling young writer'. Presumably the text is going to show that he's a struggling young writer, so you don't need to state it so blandly right at the start. Too much description of the hair. If it's long, it wouldn't just poke out, it would be going everywhere. I'd just go for tufts of hair rather than long hair as it's a more interesting and descriptive phrase. Don't bother with the colour unless it's going to be vital to the plot. Readers prefer to make up their own minds as to what colour everyone's hair is. Drop 'smoky frozen thickness' for the river. You really don't need it. The reader, at the start of a novel, wants stuff happening, not a detailed description of everything. That can come later. His internal monologue is good, but I would drop the last sentence of the paragraph.

You don't need to describe Lev as wearing a 'good quality fur coat and hat'. It's winter. It's by the Neva. Of course he's wearing a fur coat and hat. You could just describe him as being 'well-dressed' or ideally, leave out the description all together. It's not needed here, as I'm sure it's not vital for the plot. And talking of coats, you don't need to describe Ivan's coat as a threadbare winter coat. Okay, keep the threadbare, but winter is entirely superfluous. Generally speaking, I think you need to go through and ask yourself whether all the detailed descriptions are needed. At the very least, limit yourself to no more than one adjective per noun, and preferably try to find a noun that is sufficiently descriptive that you don't need the adjective at all - tricky when it comes to coats, true, but there are words for coat that are descriptive in themselves (greatcoat, overcoat, raincoat).

I like the dialogue: the way at first they're not really talking to each other but rather throwing opinions around. Very realistic. They 'tune in' to each other's words after a bit, and this works well.

Beware of being vague. For example: 'He despised these new revolutionary-types who seemed to have sprung up like corpses in some Gogolian fable' would to my mind be stronger and more immediate as: 'He despised these new revolutionary-types who were springing up like corpses in some Gogolian fable'. Then in the next paragraph you have 'some sort of ruckus'. I'd drop the 'some sort of'.

If everything you have posted here really is the entire chapter one, then it's miles too long. If section one is the actual chapter one, then it's too short, and section two (Chapter two?) is even shorter. It's little more than an episode. And talking of length, you have a 'long, uncomfortable pause'. Drop the long. Just have an uncomfortable pause. Better style. I like the way Turgenovsky holds his tongue rather than telling the other characters exactly what he thinks of their politics. This gives us more insight into his character than any amount of ranting would have done.

Regarding chapter length, I would have run chapters (sections?) one and two together, perhaps with a line of asterisks between to show the change of scene. The current section two ends with an excellent hook, so it would be a great way to end a first chapter.

General impression of all I've read so far: you are great on dialogue and characterisation and your historical research looks impeccable as far as I can tell. On the downside, you're over fond of unnecessary descriptions and are sometimes not as direct as you could be. Assuming you have the entire manuscript in one Word document, trying doing a global search for the word 'seems'. I bet you use it dozens of times. It's one of those words that rarely justifies its inclusion in literary writing. Also check your adjectives. If you have to use them, make sure they're good ones. 'long' is not a good adjective. Go for precision; only use modifiers that couldn't possibly refer to anything else.

Assuming the plotting is consistently good throughout, you have a book with great potential here in my view. Very best of luck with it.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 610 days ago

We have a big read here, straight in the deep end! You work a huge canvas with great courage. Not enough of us have strength for that, and literature is poorer for it, because I love a big, well written book.

Can your artists' introversions be trimmed a bit? Your "young man angst" is realistic though rather self conscious, as young men are, it is true. I admire you for taking on such a complicated setting and making it work. Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

a.morrison712 wrote 614 days ago

This was a little outside of my genre, but it was still an interesting read. I made it through Chapter 1 and was hooked almost from the very beginning. No major grammatical or writing errors that I saw, but I'm not an expert. I love your long pitch too. I think the short pitch could grab the reader a little more than it does now though, it seems almost academic at the moment. In general, very well done. I am giving you high stars and will be back for another chapter when it's not so late! :)

Best,

Ashley

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