Book Jacket

 

rank 615
word count 148238
date submitted 01.11.2010
date updated 26.11.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Historical Fictio...
classification: universal
complete

The Butterfly and the Wheel

NA Randall

A second-rate Russian writer passes off an unpublished manuscript as his own, and rises to the summit of Soviet society.

 

Turgenovsky’s literary aspirations far outweigh his talents. When arrested with a group of student friends, he’s drawn into revolutionary circles more through chance than conviction, and starts to have an unwitting impact on the earth-shattering events taking place around him.

During the Civil War, he denounces an unpublished author, steals his manuscript, and becomes the country’s premier socialist writer.

When another version of the stolen novel surfaces, Turgenovsky battles to keep his reputation intact. With much connivance he manages to distance himself from such claims, and is eventually awarded the Nobel Prize.

In later years, he realizes what he’s missed out on as an artist, and starts to write an epic novel to cement a far more legitimate legacy. It’s a huge failure. Love poems for his wife found after his death - like Pasternak’s Zhivago – prove to be the only thing of literary merit he ever produced, providing him with partial redemption.

The novel satirizes the delusional foundations of a totalitarian regime. It is about a mediocre man – like so many others - who flourishes in a society which claims to eradicate inequality, but only succeeds in propagating it to new and untold heights.

 
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Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

1

The spectators inside the Petrovsky Park football stadium threw up their arms, whistled and booed, chanted and swore, expressing themselves with an animation rarely seen in everyday Soviet life. On these terraces the ordinary working people found a much-needed outlet, a sense of freedom and release which fascinated Turgenovsky.

   ‘That was never a corner kick,’ shouted Beria. ‘Timofei?’ He called to one of his bodyguards. ‘Where’s that referee from? What’s his name? Perhaps we should give him a good going over in the Lubyanka, eh? That would make him open his eyes.’

   Everyone in the NKVD special enclosure roared with laughter.

   Beria shot to his feet.

   ‘Head it, damn you! Did you see that, comrade Turgenovsky? Defence is about concentration and steely discipline.’ Beria ground a balled fist into the palm of his other hand. ‘You can’t simply let strikers have the freedom of the penalty area. You must be unflinching. And to think we’re going for this year’s championship. As long as these Spartak bastards don’t pip us at the post, I don’t care. I can’t stand them.’

   On sitting back down, Beria pointed to the away supporters, congregated behind the far goal amongst a sea of red banners.

   ‘How they love to call themselves the team of the working people! If I had my way they’d only be one club side in Moscow.’

   His passion surprised Turgenovsky. Then again, Beria was a many-sided individual. Fiercely intelligent and resourceful, he was the most impressive member of a Politburo made up of one-dimensional puppets, selected for their malleability and complete lack of initiative.

   ‘I didn’t realize you were so interested in football,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘I always had you down as a man of more nocturnal interests.’

   Beria smiled.

   ‘I’m a man for all seasons,’ he said. ‘When I was a youngster, I was one of the most feared players in all of Georgia. I used to be quite the trickster back then - a pacy winger with an eye for goal, and scourge of many a defensive back line.’

   ‘Really? Aren’t you a little on the slight side for an athlete?’

   ‘That was to my advantage,’ Beria replied. ‘I was so elusive, it was like tackling dust. Now, what did you want to speak to me about?’

   ‘It’s a, er…rather delicate matter. A young man has’ - another burst of crowd noise cut Turgenovsky short, and he waited for it to die down before continuing – ‘A young man has -’

   ‘Yes,’ said Beria, his eyes still locked on the pitch. ‘A young man has done what?’  

   ‘Well, he’s turned up out of the blue claiming to be my illegitimate son.’

   ‘Illegitimate son?’ Beria waved away Turgenovsky’s concerns. ‘Don’t worry. It happens to me all the time. He’s probably only after a fistful of roubles. People will try anything if they think there’s some easy money involved.’

   ‘But he does bear an uncanny resemblance to me, and might have justification in thinking we’re in some way related.’

   ‘You know the story of False Dimitri,’ said Beria. ‘One of this young man’s friends probably saw your picture in the newspaper, and told him he’s a dead ringer for that famous writer. Then they hatch up a plot like this to extort money. Don’t be so gullible. Simply warn him off - tell him you’re wise to his methods. If he persists, give me his name, and I’ll make sure he never bothers you again.’

   This more than satisfied Turgenovsky.

   ‘Thank you, Lavrenti, I knew I could rely on you. It’s such a weight off -’

   Beria shot to his feet again.

   ‘For pity’s sake, referee! That was handball!’

 

2

There were only a few customers in the restaurant; artists and intellectuals, chatting quietly amongst themselves. At a table with a good view of the main door, Turgenovsky stared into a glass of red wine, holding it by the stem, tilting it from side to side. He regretted having agreed to a personal interview. After the war years and so many hardships, he now despised all forms of wasted time, of engagement in activities which were not purely for his own benefit or pleasure.

   So absorbed was he in his own thoughts, he did not see the young man with the long hair enter the restaurant, and walk over to his table.

   ‘Hello.’

   Turgenovsky lifted his head.

   ‘Oh, it’s you.’

   The young man looked over his shoulder.

   ‘Were you expecting someone else? If that’s the case, I can always come back later.’

   Turgenovsky’s grave stare told him this was no time for jokes.

   ‘Sit down. We’ve much to talk about.’

   The young man sat opposite.

   ‘What’s that?’ asked Turgenovsky, only then noticing the portfolio under his arm.

   ‘My work. I wanted to show you a few of my paintings.’

   ‘Paintings? Oh – oh, I see. And what did you say your name was?’

   ‘I didn’t. You never gave me the opportunity. You ushered me off without a chance to explain anything. It was with great difficulty, and through the kindness and generosity of a close friend, that I managed to stay in Moscow for a few extra days.’

   ‘And, er’ – Turgenovsky hesitated – ‘what exactly do you want?’

   ‘Come now, you need only take one look at me to know why I’ve searched you out – the apple never falls far from the tree, so they say.’

   A dainty waitress in a white blouse and black skirt came over to their table.

   ‘Is red wine all right for you?’ Turgenovsky asked his companion.

   He nodded.

   ‘Bring us another bottle, will you, Anna?’ Turgenovsky said to the waitress, ‘and another glass.’

   ‘Certainly, Ivan Fyodorovich.’ She smiled and walked away.

   ‘So,’ said Turgenovsky, ‘what is your name, then?’

   ‘Ivan – just like you. My mother never told me much about my real father. Originally, she said he’d been killed in the Civil War. Then I saw your photograph in the newspaper, and realized there was more than just a passing similarity between us.’

   Turgenovsky nodded his head. Everything made sense to him now.

   ‘In the newspaper?’ he said. ‘I see. So you and your pals saw my photograph and hatched up a plot to try and blackmail me. I should’ve guessed from the start. Do you know how much trouble you could be in, young man? If I were to take this matter before the proper authorities, I could have you and your whole family arrested. I could have you locked up in some Siberian gulag for the rest of your days.’

   The young man shook his head.

   ‘This is not some scheme. When I confronted my mother, she told me the whole story, of how she took me from the State Orphanage at the age of three. All she ever knew was that a young woman gave me up in Moscow in 1920. When I saw your photograph I put two and two together. It was then I started to do some digging around. I checked your date of birth, found out where you were living at the time I was born. It wasn’t very difficult. There are scores of reference books in the libraries that celebrate your every move.’

   The waitress returned with the wine.

   ‘Would you like anything else?’

   Turgenovsky shook his head, smiled with false warmth, and waved her away.

   ‘Why, that doesn’t prove anything,’ he said to Ivan, when sure she was out of earshot. ‘I fear you’ve been clutching at straws, young man. It’s only natural for you to idealize your real father, to hope beyond hope that he’s a famous writer or rising star in the Party. But Moscow is a big place, and how many young women give up their babies to the State Orphanage in any given year – hundreds, maybe thousands? No. You’ve made a mistake, I can assure you. I’m not your father. Never have I been in relations with a woman that culminated in an unwanted pregnancy. I -’

   Ivan banged his fist against the table.

   ‘Lies!’ he hissed. ‘Last year, I persuaded a clerk at the registry of births and deaths in Moscow to let me have a look at my birth certificate. There it was in black and white. Ekaterina Denezkhina - mother. Ivan Turgenovsky – father.’

   Rattled, Turgenovsky lost all composure.

   ‘But – but she told me she didn’t put my name on the birth certificate. She promised me. She -’ he broke off, realizing he had said far too much already.

   Ivan laughed.

   ‘So, you admit it, then? You old fool! I was lying. There was no mention of the father’s name on the birth certificate. But clearly you were aware of my natural mother’s pregnancy. Clearly you’re my real biological father.’

   Turgenovsky scowled. He hated falling foul of anybody’s tricks, of being outsmarted in any way, and to have been taken in quite so easily felt humiliating.

   ‘What do you want? Why have you come here?’

   ‘I want what’s my due,’ Ivan replied. ‘I’ve got twenty-five years worth of credit with you - papa. Surely, with your connections, you could give me a foot up in life. I’m suffocating in the provinces. I need to get to Moscow or Leningrad.’

   Turgenovsky shook his head from side to side.

   ‘I – I don’t understand. I’m just a writer. I have very little influence in political matters.’

   ‘Don’t give me that,’ said Ivan. ‘You could easily call in a favour from a colleague and get me a place at one of the finest art schools. Look.’ He opened his portfolio and took out a few pictures. ‘I can paint in any style – realist, abstract, portraiture, anything.’ He flicked through sketch after sketch, painting after painting. ‘My tutor back home has written to every institute of merit, but due to his ideologically inconsistent past, he hasn’t so much as received a reply. All I’m asking for is a chance to fulfil my potential. I’m not looking for you to acknowledge my existence or legitimate our relations in any way. I don’t want money from you or an easy life, just an opportunity to do what I do best. You, of all people, should understand that.’

   Turgenovsky looked through some of the pictures, nodding his head every now and then, more to buy some thinking time than any genuine sense of interest or admiration.

   ‘Actually, these are, er…rather good,’ he said. ‘You’ve much talent, and talk with great passion – and I like that. I’ll try my best to arrange something for you. Give me a couple of weeks, and you’re sure to be somewhere far more beneficial to your creative spirit.’

 

3

Turgenovsky’s Collected Verse – A Triumph! Novy Mir, August 1945

Not content with being the most important novelist to have emerged since the Revolution, Ivan Fyodorovich Turgenovsky has now turned his immensely gifted and class-conscious hand to socialist-realist poetry. Born of humble origins, Turgenovsky truly is a man of the people. In this poignant and inspirational collection, the reader is given a startling insight into the motivations of the toiling masses. There is such simplicity and power in his rhyme structure, his imagery and expressive language. Never has the workers’ experience been better represented. Once again, comrade Turgenovsky has proved himself to be a most adept chronicler; the foremost authority on the psyche of the proletarian whole. He is, in simple terms, a most outstanding Soviet artist. This collection only cements his position in our society. Comrade Turgenovsky deserves all the recognition he gets, and will surely receive another Stalin Prize for work which has electrified the literary scene.

 

The lamp on Turgenovsky’s desk cast a grainy beam of light over a pile of manuscript pages. Beside these was a half-empty bottle of vodka. He poured a generous measure into a cut glass tumbler, tossed it back in one go, and rubbed his free hand across his face.

   ‘Why, why, why?’ he said out loud, and waited, as if expecting a reply from the empty room.

   Then he read the top page of the manuscript again.

 

During the first thaw at the end of January, the cherry orchards smelt exceedingly fragrant. In the middle of the afternoon, warm rays of sun illumined traces of the sad, barely discernible cherry-bark sprinkled with a chilly covering of disappearing snow, and scented with the ageless aroma of rich soil peering through this vanishing veil of white.

 

His latest offering was pale and imitative. He had acceded to every censorial pen stroke from Stalin and Zhdanov, to the point of putting his name to their work, just like the articles that appeared in Pravda and Red Cavalry.

   Someone knocked at the door.

   Turgenovsky gathered up the manuscript, and slipped it inside his desk drawer.

   ‘Come in.’

   The gaunt, grey-haired poet Boris Pasternak entered the room. His round expressive eyes were full of melancholy, as if some especially troubling thought was occupying his mind to distraction.

   ‘Boris! What a surprise. Please, come and sit down.’

   Pasternak took the seat opposite.

   ‘I hope you don’t mind me barging in like this. I saw your driver outside, and he said you were still here. I need some advice. You’ve been around the Union and the Party for such a long time now. You know how everything works. More importantly, you’ve produced the finest novel of the times, and managed to keep you head on your shoulders and your reputation intact.’

   Turgenovsky nodded, encouraging Pasternak to continue.

   ‘I have the germ of an idea. I want to write a novel, too - a big, sweeping, epic novel.’

   ‘A novel? I thought you were a man of verse.’

   ‘I know,’ said Pasternak. ‘But parts of my proposed book have been knocking around since the twenties. I started seriously outlining it during my time at Peredelkino just before the outbreak of war. Now I want to make a proper start. It’s almost become an obsession of mine. But I don’t want to fall foul of the authorities, to waste my time. I want some sort of assurance that it will be treated fairly.’

   ‘I understand,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘But what makes you think the book will not be seen in a favourable light?’

   Pasternak bit into his bottom lip.

   ‘Let me explain,’ he said. ‘My main character is a doctor called Zhivago. He’s from a moneyed, well-to-do family, and his whole life is turned upside down during the Revolution and Civil War. Only due to the fact that he can be of some practical use to the Red Army does he survive, working at the front line, treating injured soldiers. For many years he’s separated from his wife and children, but regardless, finds love in the arms of another woman.’

   ‘Write it,’ Turgenovsky advised him with such levity it bordered upon entrapment. ‘It sounds wonderful.’

   ‘You really think so?’

   Turgenovsky took another glass out of his desk drawer.

   ‘I do,’ he replied. ‘Let’s drink to the success of your new project. Times are changing, Boris. When your novel is ready for publication the political climate is sure to be much more open.’

   Turgenovsky poured vodka into the two glasses.

   ‘Thank you,’ said Pasternak. ‘I don’t have much time to devote to writing at present, but if I chip away a little at a time, I’m sure I can get something together in the next few years.’

   ‘Time isn’t important,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘The joy of creating is the thing that keeps us all going.’

   Pasternak looked relieved.

   ‘Word has it that you’ve been working on something new,’ he said. ‘I read your collection of poetry, which was very much to the Party line. Will your novel be the same?’

   Turgenovsky lowered his eyes. It felt embarrassing and out of place to talk to a great poet about verse he knew to be second-rate.

   ‘Those poems, those poems. I was in an impossible situation, Boris. I hope you realize that.’

   ‘I’m not criticizing you. In a recent letter, Anna told me about the young woman you were living with in Tashkent. When something like that happens, it puts everything into perspective.’

   Turgenovsky lifted his head.

   ‘I’ve never told anybody this before,’ he said after a long pause, ‘but Nina, my lover in Tashkent, was pregnant with our child when she was arrested. There’s not a day that goes by when I don’t think about her and the baby, and how wonderful our lives together could’ve been – a bit like your Zhivago character, I suppose. These are such harsh times, Boris. I’ve tried my best to carry on with my work here at the Union and with my writing. But I’m afraid my mind has been somewhere else altogether.’

   Pasternak made a strange, choking noise. He looked close to breaking out in sobs. His sensitive soul was stirred so deeply by someone else’s troubles, it was as if he were the one suffering firsthand.

   ‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.’

   There was another knock at the door.

   ‘Comrade Turgenovsky,’ said Zochenko from the corridor outside. ‘It’s getting late. We should really be leaving for comrade Stalin’s dacha now.’     

*

In the middle of the smoke-filled dining-room, Khrushchev stood on a wooden chest, guzzling back a glass of vodka, while Stalin and a few members of his close circle cheered him on.

   ‘Go on, Nikita!’ shouted Zhdanov. ‘Only one more to go after that.’

   Unsteadily, Khrushchev clambered down from the chest. As he did, Poskrebyshev, his white tunic flapping loose from the back of his trousers, rushed over, grabbed him by the wrists, and twirled him round and round. When he let go, Khrushchev tottered and swayed. His eyes were no more than slits in his fleshy face, and stumbling slightly, he groped the air in hope of finding something to hold on to, only for Poskrebyshev to hand him another glass.

   ‘This is for the new world record, Nikita.’

   Everyone started clapping.

   Khrushchev brought the glass to his lips, gulping down the vodka. Triumphant, he tried to perform some sort of bow, and the glass slipped through his fingers. As he knelt to pick it up his trousers fell to his ankles, revealing a huge pair of white underpants soiled like a dirty nappy.

   They all roared with laughter, even Turgenovsky, as he edged into the room

   ‘I wouldn’t want to be charged with washing those things out,’ said Zhdanov through a mouthful of moist chocolate gateau.

   ‘I think it would be best to throw them away, Nikita Sergeyevich,’ Poskrebyshev joined in.Some stains won’t wash out.’

   Stalin ushered Turgenovsky over.

   ‘Ah, Ivan Fyodorovich - better late than never - get yourself a drink.’ Stalin gestured towards the table. ‘Raise a glass to Nikita’s laundress. That poor bitch deserves a bonus for having to deal with such abominations, perhaps a Stalin Prize, a medal of honour, even.’

   Turgenovsky helped himself to a glass of vodka.

   ‘And I take everything about the novel is to your satisfaction?’ asked Stalin. In that way peculiar to himself, he seemed to be able to switch from profound drunkenness to clear-headed calculation in a matter of moments. ‘I know your artistic freedom has been a little restricted on this particular project. But in light of what is needed to help us recover following the war, and the sacrifices that will have to be made, especially in the countryside where families have lost their fathers and sons, I felt something direct and straight to the heart of the matter was required. I hope you don’t feel compromised in any way.’

   ‘On the contrary,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘I’ve enjoyed the whole process. Of course, it was a very different writing experience, almost experimental - working in a collective manner, revising and refining, to get that perfect socialist lustre, so to speak. When alls said and done, it’s been an enlightening few months, and I couldn’t think of anyone better to have collaborated with.’

   A contented smile hovered on Stalin’s lips as he patted Turgenovsky’s shoulder.

   ‘If only your peers saw things like that, saw things as they really stood.’

 

4

Stolichky took off his leather gloves, placed them on the desk, and sat in the chair opposite Zhdanov.

   ‘So, what have you got for me?’ asked Zhdanov. ‘Our creative brethren have been getting a little complacent over recent months. I think it’s time we gave them something to think about.’

   ‘As a matter of fact, I heard an interesting story a few days ago. A colleague of mine was interrogating a prisoner in the Lubyanka – nobody special – a career criminal who’s been in and out of prison since long before the Revolution. In the course of having his front teeth extracted by pliers, he started rambling about Turgenovsky’s first novel.’

   Zhdanov jerked upright.

   ‘Turgenovsky?’

   ‘That’s right,’ said Stolichky. ‘He swore he was in prison with an old Bolshevik called Ronzakov, a great writer, so he said. And he’s convinced this Ronzakov character read him parts of Turgenovsky’s first novel about five years before its official publication. I know it sounds absurd, far-fetched even, and I have no idea where it came from – the prisoner was being investigated for anti-Stalinist comments he made at work.’

   Zhdanov rubbed his forehead.

   ‘How strange,’ he said. ‘And has anyone heard of Ronzakov before, the alleged author of the novel?’  

   ‘That’s where the plot thickens.’ Stolichky smiled, showing off his gold teeth. ‘I checked our records, and a Party official called Ronzakov headed a delegation sent to the provinces to engage with the provincial workers just after the Revolution. And you’ll never guess who his assistant was?’

   ‘Turgenovsky.’

 

5

Turgenovsky pulled the protective sheet away from the canvas, revealing Repin’s The Barge Haulers on the Volga.  The sweeping painting was harrowing in its white, silvery light depicting eleven men in filthy rags dragging a huge barge upstream. In clear physical discomfort, the gradated lines of each individual head conveyed the rhythm of their toil, and bodies mounting in exhaustion and despair.

   As he stepped aside, he watched Ivan run his fingers over the canvas, careful not to touch the painting itself, following the lines of each individual brushstroke in the way someone would trace their hands over a lover’s body.

   ‘Incredible!’ said Ivan. Look at the detail, the way he captures the very souls of his subjects. He was the true master, someone who transcended his art.’

   ‘I agree,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘In this one room alone’ - he pointed to rows of covered canvases and wooden crates - ‘are some of the greatest works of art Russia has ever produced. They were evacuated here during the height of the war. Only now are we looking to return them to their rightful homes. On odd occasions I’ve had the whole place to myself, and have sat in front of one of these great masterpieces for hours on end, studying the subtle nuances of each, the individual flourishes of the consummate draughtsman. Sometimes I’ve put myself in place of the artist, and over time I feel I’ve gained a real insight into the creative process, attaining a new understanding of the painter’s art. Who knows, I might even take it up one day; put brush to canvas, so to speak.’

   For a moment the younger man’s face displayed something harsh and contemptuous.

   ‘If only it were that simple,’ he said. ‘But it takes years to master any art, hours of hard work and dedication to hone your skills, to gauge the depth and roundedness of your own talent. It’s not something you could obtain in a few hours of aimless observance.’

   There was a long pause.

   The more of himself he saw in this young man, the less comfortable Turgenovsky was with the whole situation. All the flaws of his past character, the crassness of youth, things gradually exorcized over time and bitter life experience had reappeared incarnate, like something from a recurring nightmare.

   ‘Yes, Repin was a man or rare genius,’ he said. ‘However, my own personal favourite of his is something altogether different.’ He shuffled to the side and removed the sheet covering another canvas. ‘This, to my mind, is a work of great power and beauty.’

   There stood Repin’s Ivan the Terrible and His Son. Altogether darker in composition, this brooding masterpiece showed the grief-stricken Tsar cradling his son in his arms after murdering him in a fit of jealous rage.

   ‘I love those crazed, protuberant eyes,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘After a frenzied altercation, when he was again master of his mind, the Tsar realizes exactly what he’s done – killed his own offspring – whom, as it happens, was also called Ivan. Comrade Stalin is fond of reminding everyone that Ivan the Terrible once strolled along the same Kremlin walkways as we do today. I think he likes to associate himself with someone so unflinching and merciless.’

   Ivan stifled a phantom yawn.

   Turgenovsky pretended not to have noticed, and looked away so as not to betray his rising anger, his eyes coming to rest on a crowbar leaning up against a wooden crate. For the split of a second the darkness of a mad thought flashed through his head, and he stepped to the side, so the crowbar was obscured from Ivan’s view.

   ‘Yes,’ said Turgenovsky, ‘if nothing else, it’s a fascinating story. How this tyrannical Tsar, the man who ousted the Mongol hordes, a man of such fearsome repute, a man, indeed, who could’ve had anything he wanted in life, but decided to take his son’s wife instead. Strangely enough, this was once common practice in medieval times. When a woman entered her husband’s family home, she was expected to provide the, er…physical intimacies to both her spouse and his father.’

   ‘Such sexual profligacy is rooted in our history, then,’ said Ivan. ‘Do you not think, papa, that this just shows how retarded Stalinism and the current regime really is? - referring back to some sixteenth century despot! Granted, we’ve made great industrial advances since the Revolution, but victory in the last war seems to have shortened memories. Back in the thirties people from small towns like mine - happy-go-lucky souls without a political bone in their bodies - were taken away in the night and shot. Even as a young child I knew this was wrong. When the history books are opened for generations to come, Stalin will be seen as one of the most brutal dictators in human history. No one has turned on their own people in the way he has. The man is completely deranged.’

   There was another long pause.

   ‘Now,’ said Ivan, ‘interesting as all this has been’ - he shrugged ironically, and made a sweeping gesture with his hands - ‘your potted history lesson included. It’s not my real reason for being here. Have you made some enquiries and called in a favour, as I asked you to do?’

   ‘Put it like this: I don’t envisage there being any, er…problems in that regard.’

   ‘Good,’ said Ivan, ‘because I’ve changed my mind somewhat. For I feel, after all these years, that you’re morally obliged to do a little bit more for me. A place at art school is all well and good, but I’m going to need supplies, books, adequate clothing, an annual stipend, even. Canvases and paints are not cheap, or easy to obtain these days. And would it really be so horrendous to acknowledge our true relations? I’ve been doing some thinking, and there may well be some kudos attached to being your son. Also, there’s my accommodation to consider. If you could stretch to a studio apartment, nothing too fancy or elaborate, just big enough to house my work. I would, of course, live there, cutting down on your outlay immensely.’

   Such arrogance enraged Turgenovsky. With difficulty, he managed to control his voice, while lowering his hand behind his back.

   ‘How very thoughtful. But before we get into the more finite details’ - his fingers brushed up against the crowbar – ‘could you answer me one question? In this painting, how does Repin convey that wonderful sense of proportion? The oriental rugs all crumpled underfoot, for example?’

   ‘Well, if you insist.’ Ivan knelt down and pointed at the painting. ‘It’s all about -’

   Turgenovsky grabbed the crowbar, raised it high in the air, and dashed it against the back of his son’s head, just like Ivan the Terrible in Repin’s painting. So powerful was this blow, Ivan’s skull cracked open, and he collapsed to the floor. Blood poured from the wound, forming a puddle of darkest red. In a frenzy of poisonous energy Turgenovsky raised the crowbar once again, and rained down blow after blow, obliterating those familiar features, the very face that belonged to him in his youth.

   ‘Here’s your art school,’ he cried, ‘and your studio, and your canvases and paints!’

 

Chapters

16

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Seringapatam wrote 31 days ago

Your writing is great and so engaging. It would be difficult to believe that one wouldnt become hooked in this book. You display some intelligent writing to say the least and it looks to me that you have found your niche genre and this is where you will do well. Great story, brilliant pace to it and superb narrative. So well done and I will see where this goes.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

rikasworld wrote 81 days ago

Hi, happy to hear that the Holy Drinker is now published. I think this one is even better. I have thoroughly enjoyed what I have read so far - got as far as him joining up with Lenin.
Turgenovsky is a nicely Flashmanlike hero. I liked the way he was introduced in the first chapter. He sounded delightful until his attitude to young girls became obvious. His thoughts about his sister are pretty horrific too and his readiness to sacrifice everyone else for his own ends.
It's a fast paced read and the details are very convincing - even introducing the great names of the Russian Revolution seemed quite natural and I think I'm going to learn a fair bit about the period.
One small edit. In the part where he thinks he's going to be in the rough area of the train and the other man is offering to protect him, it should be 'The guards couldn't care less' I think.
I will definitely buy this if you let me know when it's up on Amazon.

AbiBoots wrote 162 days ago

Lovely, intellingent writing and a really intriguing story line. Your writing really captures the feel of the country and is visual and cinematic. I could see the scenes open out before me, in black and white, as I read. I will save this to my bookshelf to read more soon.

Kit Fox wrote 177 days ago

I like the way you have taken the end of the story and then taken it back to the beginning so we are keen to see how the character gets there. Early days as I have only read a few chapters but good first impression.

Would have liked to see more of the 'inner workings' of Turgenovsky's thoughts and character in the opening to compel me to continue but this is a small point.

I will read on as time allows! Best of luck, Kit Fox

R.E. Ader wrote 184 days ago

I have only started to read, and must say that I am somewhat impressed with the premise and your writing style. Good work.

DecemberRaen wrote 201 days ago

Your writing impressed me. I am a huge fan of dystopian literature, and your novel is a prime example of this genre. 6 stars from me.

Abby Vandiver wrote 203 days ago

This is very well written. I didn't notice any errors and think little if any editing needs to be done. There was a good flow and your writing was engaging. You tell a story very well. I only read a few chapters but I couldn't understand why you decided to make the final days the first chapter. I would think that it would read better if you told the story from the beginning.

Great start. Six stars from me.

Abby

Maria44 wrote 207 days ago

My one and only criticism is one you share with Tolstoy, and that is it takes me a few chapters to properly familiarise with Russian names (I expected Denisov to mispronounce his 'r's.

Your writing is excellent though, original similes and the conversations first rate, Turgenovsky speaks like a classical writer would, his comment about critics etc. Overall a great piece of work.

Maria

Nigel Fields wrote 283 days ago

I would love to have a copy of this book to set next to my Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky--it's that good.
JBCampbell

arne wrote 285 days ago

This is very good work. I liked it very much. I am partial to your style and will be keeping an eye out for more from you. Good work here, highly rated.
Arne Lash
Pimps, Beggars, and Bones.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 293 days ago

BUTTERFLY & THE WHEEL
This is an interesting story. Turgenovsky is a good character; rich and famous he may be, but he has a dark under side which makes him a character a reader wants to follow. Poor Bazdeyev; looks like even though he’s trying hard to get a personal moment with Turgenovsky, it’s not going to happen; not when Turgenovsky is so much interested in Nina. An important strength in your writing is your ability to describe settings. You give just enough information a read knows what things look like; not so much you bog down your story. Depicts the Russian background well. A good read, I’m starring this and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Kit Masters wrote 391 days ago

Hello, I've read up to Lenin's declaration of the revolution now and congratulations on a very readable story so far.

I find some things frustrating though; Ivan Turgenovsky is a difficult to read character, I find him more of a don Quixoite than a Raskelnikoff, I'm not sure which you are going for.

I know I'm not supposed to like him but he's a real pain in the backside!

I'd like to know your aim in writing this; if it's just to be historical then great, you tick all the boxes with your excellently well researched incidents into which Ivan stumbles.

If on the other hand your intention is to be more literary than simply plot driven then I think it may be worth investing more time developing likable qualities in your main character; not to say that he can't wee himself and lie, but as long as he has something deeper going on we will forgive him.

For instance when he was on the ordinary prisoner cattle class, I thought to myself, "great he's going to go on a 'Resurrection' style journey and we'll fall in love with him and feel invested."

However the sister comes to the rescue and he avoids having to do any of the penitence, that his sister aptly suggests, when he bumbles into Trotsky and escapes.

If your aim is to create a Flashman or a don Quioxite, then you've got the structure but I'd probably like a little humour to go with it.

But saying that you could easily replace Ivan with a deep and lovable creation and make more of an emotional impact.

I felt that your name choices indicate that you're a fan of Russian fiction, (Volonsky, Denisov etc,) and your discussion of what Ivan reads, but your narrative voice has a light hearted flow which is nice to read but doesn't have the deep gravitas of the big Russian novelists.

Try for instance writing in a Tolstoy-esque long sentence into the occasional paragraph, or look at how Turgenev structures his sentences; I think that things like this will give you greater authenticity.


I truely admire this work, especially in terms of the historical detail and lavish attention to structure that you've put in.

I am also aware that I have not read anywhere near enough to assert the worth of much of what I've said, I just hope that it can be of some use to you!

I certainly hope that you take my comments positively, because they are meant in that way.

This is a story that I wish to keep reading, congratulations on an accomplished piece of writing which is truely individual!

Sincerely and with regards

Kit

Geddy25 wrote 405 days ago

This is fantastic and should be in print!!!!
I wasn't sure how I'd like a historical, Russian tale, but you have created something wonderful. I keep having to tell myself it's fiction as you have made it all sound so real.
Your writing flows with ease and you captured my attention so easily.
Very good luck with this! Top stars!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

outofprintwriter wrote 416 days ago

Hi
I'm so pleased to stumble across this book. And I should thank you in advance for your lovely comments about my own book - I feel so much more humbled now that I have seen the quality of your writing!

Firstly, let me just say that your book really appeals to my own interests. I love the classic Russian writers (I studied Russian literature at uni) and that period in Russia's history is so interesting. I have also travelled to Russia a couple of times. Have you been there yourself? Your descriptions are so vivid and everything about your work is so well-researched.

I like that you start the novel when there is some action going on, as it gets the reader interested straight away. You set the scene well and much about Ivan's character comes out in the first chapter through what he says and does, without it being boring exposition. And I also believed in your dialogue - which is such an important thing for me. And I think you have really tried to capture how they would speak back in the day...

But the moment I knew I was reading something truly brilliant was when Dunya was introduced. This reveals so much about the type of person Ivan is and I can tell that he is going to be one of those classic characters that readers struggle with, that do things that they hate, but perhaps they can't help liking him anyway.

We just got an ipad today - which is making reading vast amounts of text online far easier. So I look forward to reading more of your book soon!

Ruth2904 wrote 418 days ago

Love your opening lines. Usually I like to see dialogue in the opening lines, but this works very well indeed. You capture the atmosphere right from the start making me feel as though I'm in Russia, living the moment. Your work is first class and flows extremely well. Certainly a book with a difference. Well done.

Ruth 2904
To Dream Again

riantorr wrote 419 days ago

This is how I would edit the last line of your first paragraph. Nuanced changes, but you may see what I mean.

"... In a belted, blood-red tunic, with long grey hair flowing past his shoulders, he alighted in a flourish, belying his seventy-three years."

Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

Numbers wrote 419 days ago

Hi,

This is very well written and researched. I can tell tremendous time and effort has gone into this. I only wish I had more time to read the entire MS (I'll slowly make my way there - as I'm doing with other books).

The pace flowed well. Not too fast, not too slow. The dialogue touches upon the melodrama that Dostoyevsky applies to the majority of his characters in The Brothers Karamazov.

Starred and remaining on my watchlist til I read more!

Cheers,
Adam

marfleet wrote 422 days ago

I love historical pieces so this was a delight. I know very little about the period in Russia and so enjoy the detail, in fact I would not have minded a bit more historical background from time to time (as long as it doesn’t drag on the plot - a difficult balance). I thought the pace of the book was about right and the glimpse into the seedy side of the MC given in the opening chapter added momentum. The MS is very clean of errors but there were a couple of instances where the dialogue seemed a little forced (e.g. opening conversation with Trotsky) although it did give a “Russian” feel and perhaps that is more important.

These are just a couple of points I jotted down as I read so feel free to use or ignore :-)
- First paragraph of Chap 2 could benefit from turning it into 2 or even 3 to break it up a bit.

- I feel there may be a bit of a timing inconsistency around his sentencing, reprieve and sending to Siberia. He was supposed to be shot the morning after his capture (see end paragraph before number 3 in Chap2) yet he gets a letter to his sister, she follows his case for some time (it is implied) and then gets money to him. Also “his second reprieve in a handful of weeks” is inconsistent, so I think the first instance saying he is to be shot the following morning needs to be corrected.

- Not too sure Trotsky would blurt the entire escape plan in one go to a stranger. It may be more convincing to have the plan come out in longer dialogue somehow.

I enjoyed this and have put it on my WL. All the best with it.

Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

like2read wrote 424 days ago

This is really interesting. I'm adding it to my watch list.

Ian_Keith wrote 431 days ago

It's a pleasure to read your well-crafted prose. I'm adding The Butterfly and the Wheel to my bookshelf.

uncas wrote 434 days ago

Very interesting idea - I like the overall concept and hope it works out for you.
Regards,
Uncas

eurodan49 wrote 435 days ago

Hi Randall,
Read a few chapters and browsed a lot more.
The character’s name took me to Turgenev, as it would many a reader, and I would suggest a change (unless you intend to claim that Ivan plagiarized).
Let’s talk about your story.
Good start and nice intro of your MC. That said, I didn’t find the right color for a small Soviet town of the Brezhnev era. Chapter 2 starts real well and there’s plenty of tension, but part 3 is a long neutral narrative voice which did little for the story. And while I’m at it, these numbered subchapters got me confused. Do you need them? Getting to Trotsky, he was the real ideologue of the movement, he had a magnetic personality and flamboyant speech and often began hours long tirades. In your description, you don’t do him justice. When I met Lenin, I expected to be introduced to the elaborate security which surrounded him. I know, you’re writing fiction, but their historical characters are played down too much—and as I said, I don’t see the tension which was all over Petrograd at the time. Many years ago, I met some old Russians who actively participated in the revolution. They spoke colorfully, describing the riots, street fights, the cold, famished rabble, the killings, rapes, torching, stealing, the Red Guards surrounding the top Bolshevik leaders—in their trademark long black leather coats, red armbands, revolvers hanging by their necks, and the summary justice they enforced. Sorry, just a thought.
Chapter 3 draws away from historical figures and does a much better portrayal of the time. But again, a little color would help. Just saying “the 3rd class compartment was cold and gloomy, why not show it? To begin, there were no compartments in 3rd class, the car had wooden bench seats on both sides with an aisle in between. People were running away from the fighting. You really needed to know someone to get a seat on a train. Red Squads shot those trying to get on board without proper documentation (usually a printed paper with a stamp). People were running away with their belongings, Red Squads confiscated everything the wanted. People were hungry, dirty, with kids—the noise in 3rd class would had been unimaginable, and the smell…
I like your voice. The dialogue sounds real enough (even if historically incorrect)—nothing that can’t be fixed with a good editing.
Overall, a nice story, worthy of backing. It will go on my shelf as soon as I take one down. If I forget, remind me in a few days.
Good luck.
Dan

Davidmauriceware wrote 440 days ago

Plain and simple brillance, I love the fast paced smooth and steady flow. Backed

Ann Campbell wrote 441 days ago

N.A. Randall

Thanks for agreeing to swap reads Neil.

The Butterfly and the Wheel
This is an exciting, fast-moving, story, with the protagonist nicely developed as a pompous phony, though perhaps a bit to obviously self-aggrandizing; e.g. his heavy-handed references to his great literary talent, etc..

I got the impression that the writer was too intent on the well-imagined plot developments to work on the re-writing and editing that would have made it even better. I almost gave up in Chap 1 (some problems are mentioned by others posts) but Chaps. 2 and 3 were much better and the story so vivid and interesting that I've Watchlisted it.
The somewhat formal, overblown, language is fine when it's used to show how self-important Turgenevsky is, but muddies the story up when it's the author speaking. Sometimes the language would work better if a little more precise, e.g. the fur coat is "not in bearing with" the wearer's sentiments--'didn't fit' 'wasn't in line with'??.
Possible typos or cut-and-paste slips, "they were a sporadic phenomenon"? (Should be 'they were sporadic phenomena'). Similarly, "the majority of the next day"? Majority refers to a number of items, and "most of the next day" is terser anyway.
One research nitpick: most educated Russians spoke at least two languages in Lenin's day (and most of the revolutionaries were educated bourgeois in origin) so it's not much of a selling point for T. What if he had very special printing skills or contacts? (I've researched a lot re. Russia 1898-1917 for my own novel "Ssylka"--not yet on Authonomy.)

I look forward to reading more, Anne.

Ann Campbell wrote 441 days ago

Hi, are you interested in swapping reads. I've read part of 'Butterfly' and will post soon. Will you take a look at "Polly"? Anne.

Ann Campbell wrote 441 days ago

Hi, are you interested in swapping reads. I've read part of 'Butterfly' and will post soon. Will you take a look at "Polly"? Anne.

johnpatrick wrote 445 days ago

Hello NA,
Read up to the end of chap 2.
This is refreshing, great flow and so very informative.
It almost feels dialogue driven-up untill the BS in part 3 above-conferring a frenetic pace.
You trust the readers intelligence throughout, only two things stand out for me as overplayed:
'an almost ravenous glint'
'20 roubles, you say' The 'you say' is unncessary.

Great read, will go far I'm sure.
High stars and WL for now.
John
Dropping Babies.

Paul Beattie wrote 445 days ago

Really enjoyed this, NA. Shelved and highly rated.

I'm a huge fan of historical fiction - particularly where the storyline has a contemporary, almost satirical feel - and this seems to fit the bill very nicely. The prose is terrifically smooth - vivid and original and with an immediate, almost filmic quality to the phrasing/imagery. Very impressive.

The sense of place (both re the 1910s and 1960s) is clearly but subtly evoked. It's obvious you know your stuff but you don't feel the need to ram your research down the reader's throat. It's just there in the background, adding colour and depth. Nicely done. Convincing and purposeful dialogue. Good sense of a sprawling, quite ambitious storyline taking shape. Clever use of dry, sardonic wit, particularly in the dialogue.

If I were to offer any criticism, it would be that, altho I loved the conversational exchanges - the various voices ring true and the exchanges add good energy to the scenes - there were times when I felt as if the novel was relying too much on dialogue to move the storyline along. I know that's an odd criticism (and it's probably just me!!) but, on quite a few occasions, I longed for a little more preamble both to set the scene and provide the reader with a clearer insight into the various character's motivations/mindset etc. At the moment, the breakneck speed of the novel (particularly a novel which is bound to invite comparisons with Pasternak, Dostoevsky etc), while helping to keep the pages turning, prevents me from engaging fully with the characters and the overall thrust of the narrative. Just a thought.

In short, a beautifully written, vividly real, very original piece of writing. Thanks and best of luck. P

FrancesK wrote 445 days ago

Drawn by the Russian backdrop, I was held by the dry humour, the flamboyantly Russian characters and the unlikely juxtaposition of Lenin, Trotsky and a grubby little self serving writer all caught up in the glorious revolution. I'll be back for more, meanwhile please accept six stars and a backing with my compliments - Frances K

Fred Le Grand wrote 452 days ago

Hi,
This is a very professional piece of writing and I enjoyed it.
Where you get the names from beats me.
There is a very authentic Russian feel to the first chapter.
BTW avoid green eyes in any of your writing - editors laugh about it - I'm told.
Backed.

scargirl wrote 459 days ago

i know i have back this already, but every time i look at it, i am drawn in by the premise...
j
what every woman should know

Carolyn Brown Heinz wrote 463 days ago

As a reader, I'm there. . . 1968 Russia, the train station, the public speeches, the idolized author, the smarmy bureaucrat---it's all visual and alive. I'd buy this book; it's the kind of book I read.

I do have one thought about the first chapter: it seems possibly too long. And there's a shift that happens that you might use to break to a second chapter. One gets a Tolstoyesque feeling at the beginning, though with early suspicions about the great man, but beginning with "Since his final address. . . ," the POV changes to Bazdeyev's, and we begin to see Turgenovsky differently. Maybe there IS a break there--I see there's an extra paragraph break. So maybe it would feel like a big enough transition in print, but even a whole chapter break might be good.

Just a thought. I'm truly impressed with the writing and the wonderful historical and cultural setting.

ClaireLyman wrote 468 days ago

First of all, like Di below I have to say that I was grabbed by the short pitch. (Your novel has been on my WL basically since I joined, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get round to reading it.... ) I had to concentrate to follow the longer pitch, but this is definitely the kind of story that appeals. I'm fascinated by communist Russia and of course by the idea of writing and being recognised for art - the combination of the two is definitely something that would make me pick up this book in a bookshop.
"When you get to my age there'll be plenty of time for sleeping" - this sentence confused me. Does he mean he'll get to sleep a lot soon, once he's passed away?
I loved your first sentence, and the first few after that - in just a few words you deftly paint the scene and plunge us in the atmosphere. Also great that you introduce elements like Nina - I liked the "His tongue darted out over his top lip" - nice detail that says it all. The occasional sentence could do with tightening - "despite seeming to be far from listening", for example - you might find it helpful to read it out loud - dull, tedious and you feel like an idiot but it really helps you tighten things. This is good stuff though!

Diwrite wrote 470 days ago

I really like this.
The short pitch grabbed me and if I'd been in a bookshop I would have picked it up. (The long pitch perhaps goes on too far - nothing wrong with keeping some of your powder dry.)

I found the writing good - confident and engaging with a nice flow, but it's the story that really grabbed me. Human frailty and bad decisions always draw me in. And I think many of us on this site can relate to the irony of a poor writer making it big!

I'll be putting this on my shelf as soon as there's room.
Good luck!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Julia Strand wrote 474 days ago

This is really interesting, and generally very well written. I have a few comments on your pitches and first chapter:

- short pitch - I really liked this, it's what made me put it on my watchlist (along with the intriguing title)

- long pitch - I like this too, but I have the feeling that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs go a bit too far into the plot and map out the book rather too much. In my opinion (which is of course only my opinion!) I'd amend it as follows:
1st paragraph fine
2nd paragraph fine, but add the next sentence of the third paragraph to it, so that it finishes 'battles to keep his reputation intact.'
Cut the rest of the 3rd paragraph and all of the 4th paragraph.
5th paragraph good

I'm a strong believer that less is more when it comes to the back of a book, and I think this would make the pitch a bit more of a teaser, leaving a few of the twists and turns of the plot to be a surprise.

- first paragraph: in general I like this opening, and I think you've made a particularly neat job of conveying Turgenovsky's appearance in a way that flows - always a tricky one at the start of a book. I love the idea that he has different coloured eyes - somehow disconcerting - but it strikes me there's something very slightly clumsy about that last sentence. I wondered about rephrasing:
"... especially his curious, different coloured eyes, one grey and lifeless offset by another of almost emerald green. They gave his waxen features and prominent cheekbones ..."
Do you think that's any better?

For my taste, it's also rather a long first paragraph, which slows the pace unnecessarily. I'd be inclined to put in a paragraph break after 'seventy-three years', so that the next paragraph has the new piece of action of the new character rushing forward. I'm not very keen on 'alighting with a flourish' - I know what you're getting at, but I'm not convinced that those two words go together - how about: "alighting with a nimbleness which belied his 73 years" (also avoids the slightly odd looking 'belying').

The writing runs on well after this, and there are several little things I really like - 'devotee at Holy Communion', and Turgenovsky referring to himself obliquely as "the great poet". Lovely!

The dialogue works quite well to my ear - there's a sort of momentousness in the phrasing which suits the picture of a great man addressing a supplicant. The only thing that struck me is that a couple of the contractions are rather at odds with the rhythm of it, such as 'The pleasure's all mine' - since Turgenovsky is speaking in ringing tones, why not, 'The pleasure is all mine.' Also later on 'there'll be plenty of time for sleeping.' I'd go for the full 'there will''.

In the same vein, I'd put in a paragraph break in the first paragraph of Turgenovsky's speech after 'prevalent in our society'. I think this would improve the pace and help the reader to hear the stirring tones of Turgenovsky's delivery.

You conjure the picture of the streets and the celebrations really well, so I enjoyed the rest of this very much. You also convey Turgenovsky's lasiviciousness brilliantly - it makes my skin crawl, especially the darting tongue and ravenenous glint. And the end of the chapter draws the reader uncomfortably onwards to see how Nina will survive the encounter.

I hope these remarks are helpful. Please don't be discouraged by my very specific criticisms. I only bother to comment in this kind of detail on work that I think shows real promise! I'm also more than prepared to submit to your dissection of mine, if you have the time and inclination.

Julia
Time Was Away

scarlettwarrior wrote 477 days ago

Such a quick read-along feel, with a kind of modern pacing that still allows for a traditional 'classic' style approach. Of what I've read so far, it feels like a very warming read and the seeds of the plot line have been sown and so I am drawn in. It's the type of book someone like me loves to read with a knowing and wry grin of enjoyment. I will read more when I have the chance! Thank you for backing my book too - though it is a long time since I have even looked at it - I can barely remember what it reads like!

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 479 days ago

The farther I read, the more I like this. I've always enjoyed the Russian writers, especially Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, and I think you're coming along in their wake. And thanks for backing my book and making some helpful comments.

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 481 days ago

Fascinating. I want to keep reading and reading. I'm happy to add it to my bookshelf and give it a bunch of stars.

Emily Lives wrote 485 days ago

This book reads like a classic . . . and it is. Love it, love it, love it.

Lil' Em

Michelle Williamson wrote 495 days ago

HI,
I've put you on my watchlist. I've read a bit and I like your style.

Michelle Williamson

Lulie wrote 513 days ago

Hi. There is much to admire here; the writing is mostly extremely competent. Personally, though, I would launch straight in with dialogue at the opening, then feed in description in smaller doses. Telling us that Turgenovsky's eyes are different colours is by the by, really, and holds up that crucial beginning where you hook your readers in.
Do take a look at 'Jelly-Boy'; I'd be grateful.

Jack Hughes wrote 528 days ago

"Turgenovsky's literary aspirations far outweigh his talents..." God I know how that feels! A perfect hook-line. I remember backing this book a while ago, it is clever, beautifully written and, in some ways, is a most befitting tribute to the ambitions and desperations that all of us have faced at some point or another on our literary journies. Excellent work, I will back it again as soon as I find a space. Good luck.

Jack Hughes



Floodo wrote 531 days ago

It might be a little stileted but you depict an era, a time when language mattered more than it does now to many. Modern writers indulge in bad language, weak vocabulary and inaccuracies in expression. I like it. Will back it. similar to mine in a way. Shades of Green - when you have time. Thanks Mary

PAB40 wrote 545 days ago

Don't agree, the dialogue is informative and natural - from what I have read elsewhere, functionaries tended to talk as though they were making memos half the time. I works here. Having enjoyed 'Stalin: the court if the red tsar' which dwells on the fate of writers good and bad, I think the a book about literature and it's politicisation in that era is an untapped market. Liked the Cuba bits. Excellent concept.

Charles Bunton wrote 555 days ago

I have no wish to contest the historical accuracy of your book but I do find some of the dialogue unnaturally stilted and impossible to reconcile with the spoken word! It's as if the writer is using the characters to convey background information to the reader instead of filtering it through in the manner of realistic conversation. Just my impression.
Best wishes
Stewart

JamesRevoir wrote 587 days ago

Hello:

I read the first several chapters of The Butterfly and the Wheel and thoroughly enjoyed the story. It grabs the reader's attention quickly and continues to move along at a good pace; moreover, it provides a readable historical primer as to what was going on in the minds of the Russian people during the Bolshevik Revolution.

May this book find a publisher to launch you to your writing dreams.

James Revoir

rommyo wrote 590 days ago

I like this one. In terms of craftsmanship, there's maybe turns of phrase occasionally seeming very slightly stilted, but it sort of suits a general "Russianness." Otherwise it's very well-done.

I can imagine the overall high concept of the book being synonymous with "ME MAKE NO MONEY" in the minds of today's sophisticated publishing professionals, sadly. I'm not sure if that's a valid or interesting "critique," but it might be holding you back from fulfilling dreams of filthy lucre.

Catherine Edmunds wrote 604 days ago

Cover art: it's red. Hard to say much else about it. Okay, it's clearly the most appropriate colour you could have used, and it's better than a badly drawn butterfly and wheel would have been, but it's too conceptual for its own good.

Title: good.

Short pitch: very good. Makes me interested to read on.

Long pitch: too long. I get the impression you've summarised the entire book here, rather than enticing me with possibilities. I'd re-think this.

Chapter one. Not the greatest of opening sentences. I would definitely delete 'The struggling young writer'. Presumably the text is going to show that he's a struggling young writer, so you don't need to state it so blandly right at the start. Too much description of the hair. If it's long, it wouldn't just poke out, it would be going everywhere. I'd just go for tufts of hair rather than long hair as it's a more interesting and descriptive phrase. Don't bother with the colour unless it's going to be vital to the plot. Readers prefer to make up their own minds as to what colour everyone's hair is. Drop 'smoky frozen thickness' for the river. You really don't need it. The reader, at the start of a novel, wants stuff happening, not a detailed description of everything. That can come later. His internal monologue is good, but I would drop the last sentence of the paragraph.

You don't need to describe Lev as wearing a 'good quality fur coat and hat'. It's winter. It's by the Neva. Of course he's wearing a fur coat and hat. You could just describe him as being 'well-dressed' or ideally, leave out the description all together. It's not needed here, as I'm sure it's not vital for the plot. And talking of coats, you don't need to describe Ivan's coat as a threadbare winter coat. Okay, keep the threadbare, but winter is entirely superfluous. Generally speaking, I think you need to go through and ask yourself whether all the detailed descriptions are needed. At the very least, limit yourself to no more than one adjective per noun, and preferably try to find a noun that is sufficiently descriptive that you don't need the adjective at all - tricky when it comes to coats, true, but there are words for coat that are descriptive in themselves (greatcoat, overcoat, raincoat).

I like the dialogue: the way at first they're not really talking to each other but rather throwing opinions around. Very realistic. They 'tune in' to each other's words after a bit, and this works well.

Beware of being vague. For example: 'He despised these new revolutionary-types who seemed to have sprung up like corpses in some Gogolian fable' would to my mind be stronger and more immediate as: 'He despised these new revolutionary-types who were springing up like corpses in some Gogolian fable'. Then in the next paragraph you have 'some sort of ruckus'. I'd drop the 'some sort of'.

If everything you have posted here really is the entire chapter one, then it's miles too long. If section one is the actual chapter one, then it's too short, and section two (Chapter two?) is even shorter. It's little more than an episode. And talking of length, you have a 'long, uncomfortable pause'. Drop the long. Just have an uncomfortable pause. Better style. I like the way Turgenovsky holds his tongue rather than telling the other characters exactly what he thinks of their politics. This gives us more insight into his character than any amount of ranting would have done.

Regarding chapter length, I would have run chapters (sections?) one and two together, perhaps with a line of asterisks between to show the change of scene. The current section two ends with an excellent hook, so it would be a great way to end a first chapter.

General impression of all I've read so far: you are great on dialogue and characterisation and your historical research looks impeccable as far as I can tell. On the downside, you're over fond of unnecessary descriptions and are sometimes not as direct as you could be. Assuming you have the entire manuscript in one Word document, trying doing a global search for the word 'seems'. I bet you use it dozens of times. It's one of those words that rarely justifies its inclusion in literary writing. Also check your adjectives. If you have to use them, make sure they're good ones. 'long' is not a good adjective. Go for precision; only use modifiers that couldn't possibly refer to anything else.

Assuming the plotting is consistently good throughout, you have a book with great potential here in my view. Very best of luck with it.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 605 days ago

We have a big read here, straight in the deep end! You work a huge canvas with great courage. Not enough of us have strength for that, and literature is poorer for it, because I love a big, well written book.

Can your artists' introversions be trimmed a bit? Your "young man angst" is realistic though rather self conscious, as young men are, it is true. I admire you for taking on such a complicated setting and making it work. Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

a.morrison712 wrote 608 days ago

This was a little outside of my genre, but it was still an interesting read. I made it through Chapter 1 and was hooked almost from the very beginning. No major grammatical or writing errors that I saw, but I'm not an expert. I love your long pitch too. I think the short pitch could grab the reader a little more than it does now though, it seems almost academic at the moment. In general, very well done. I am giving you high stars and will be back for another chapter when it's not so late! :)

Best,

Ashley

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