Book Jacket

 

rank 617
word count 148238
date submitted 01.11.2010
date updated 26.11.2012
genres: Literary Fiction, Historical Fictio...
classification: universal
complete

The Butterfly and the Wheel

NA Randall

A second-rate Russian writer passes off an unpublished manuscript as his own, and rises to the summit of Soviet society.

 

Turgenovsky’s literary aspirations far outweigh his talents. When arrested with a group of student friends, he’s drawn into revolutionary circles more through chance than conviction, and starts to have an unwitting impact on the earth-shattering events taking place around him.

During the Civil War, he denounces an unpublished author, steals his manuscript, and becomes the country’s premier socialist writer.

When another version of the stolen novel surfaces, Turgenovsky battles to keep his reputation intact. With much connivance he manages to distance himself from such claims, and is eventually awarded the Nobel Prize.

In later years, he realizes what he’s missed out on as an artist, and starts to write an epic novel to cement a far more legitimate legacy. It’s a huge failure. Love poems for his wife found after his death - like Pasternak’s Zhivago – prove to be the only thing of literary merit he ever produced, providing him with partial redemption.

The novel satirizes the delusional foundations of a totalitarian regime. It is about a mediocre man – like so many others - who flourishes in a society which claims to eradicate inequality, but only succeeds in propagating it to new and untold heights.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

on 65 watchlists

123 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

24

report abuse

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Thirteen

1

Turgenovsky – 50 Years of Literary Excellence, Novy Mir, December, 1975

This month we celebrate the achievements of one of the most remarkable literary figures of the twentieth century. But Ivan Fyodorovich Turgenovsky is so much more than just a writer. He is a man of the people. Here is someone who has trodden the revolutionary path every step of the way. To commemorate the fiftieth anniversary of the release of his celebrated debut novel, a gala dinner is being held at the Grand Kremlin Palace. This will mark the start of a week long series of special events. In fifty of our major cities, streets will be renamed in Turgenovsky’s honour. Statues will be erected in both Leningrad and Moscow. Schools and universities will host literary festivals based on his best-loved work. Never a man to seek the spotlight, the immensely popular Turgenovsky deserves such recognition for his outstanding contribution to Soviet Literature.

 

On the night of the gala dinner Turgenovsky and his wife strolled along the golden corridors of the Grand Kremlin Palace. Liveried doormen and distinguished guests cast curious glances in their direction.

   ‘Is that Turgenovsky?’ they all seemed to be saying at once. ‘And whos that young woman by his sidesurely not his wife? I heard hed finally got married but…’

   Her black gown bare at one shoulder, Kira’s diamond encrusted tiara and matching necklace dazzled the eyes. In a white dinner-jacket, his long hair shimmering past his shoulders, Turgenovsky looked just as impressive, as he smiled and nodded to old colleagues and high-ranking Party officials. There was both envy and disbelief in eyes which seemed to be following the couple’s every move. Conquests from Turgenovskys younger days could only look on and gossip as the Soviet elite gravitated towards husband and wife.

   Andropov, now a frail-looking old man, grabbed one of Turgenovskys hands and shook it warmly.

   ‘Ivan Fyodorovich! Its been such a long time. You look wonderful, you really do. How are things? Need I ask? Look at your wife - so young, so beautiful. You’ve finally settled down, eh? And about time, too – I told you – a good woman was just what you needed. Yes. We’ve certainly missed you. At Party functions, we always propose a toast to our finest socialist writer, Things are not the same without Ivan Fyodorovich.’”

   Turgenovsky bowed his head in appreciation.

   ‘Youre far too kind, Yuri Vladimirovich. I used to miss Moscow terribly. But things change and people move on, and fortunately, I was lucky enough to meet my wonderful wife.’ He squeezed Kiras hand. Having always dedicated myself to higher things than my own personal happiness - my books, my work at the Writers Union, and with the Party, of course - I felt married life was one of those things that had passed me by. Never did I think Id be so contented. Now my life has entered a very different stage, a more sedate, but ultimately, very satisfying stage.’

   Andropov lowered his voice, as if they were talking forty years ago.

   ‘Things are changing with the Party, too. Were undergoing some radical internal reforms. Unfortunately, having witnessed so much over so many years, I fear I may have outlived my usefulness. Its time for younger, more energetic men in the Party to take up the reins.’

   ‘Nonsense,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘Im sure your experience is still invaluable, and your ascension to General Secretary would be a very positive move.’

   Andropov waved these words away.

   ‘No, no, men of our age have had their time.’

   Turgenovsky felt almost offended. Any fool could see he was at the peak of his powers, and that his best years were still ahead of him. A ceremony like this was all well and good - it gave him a chance to shine, and show off his beautiful young wife - but his crowning literary achievement would certainly be the book he was currently working on.

   Andropov pointed to a balding man in his late forties with a distinctive wine stain birthmark on his forehead.

   ‘Men like young Gorbachev are the future now. Let me introduce you. Mikhail! Mikhail!

   Gorbachev acknowledged Andropov, and excusing himself, left the people he had been previously talking to.

   ‘Ivan, this is comrade Gorbachev. Have you two met before?’

   ‘Briefly, some time ago, said Gorbachev. ‘I am of course well-acquainted with your mighty body of work, comrade Turgenovsky, especially your first novel a true masterpiece. My parents used to read it to me in bed at night. You’ve been such a positive force in our society, and it would be nice to think that we could rely on someone like you in the future, someone who transcends generations, who’s widely respected throughout the socialist world.’

   Once again, Turgenovsky bowed his head in appreciation.

   ‘I have so many ideas,’ Gorbachev continued. ‘There has to be much more openness in our society. Our paranoia and isolation are strangling us from within. Our relations with the West must change radically, too. Families who’ve worked so hard and remained so loyal to the Party shouldn’t have to queue for a simple loaf of bread! Our citizens have been through enough - the Stalinist repressions, the forced-labour camps, the Great Patriotic War…

   Years ago, Turgenovsky would have switched off at this point, and nodded his head whenever it felt appropriate. But spending time with Kira, and watching the way she listened to others, had made a deep impression on him. He learned that something mutually beneficial could be gained from sincere interaction. Important things could be gleaned through seemingly insignificant exchanges, things he could use in his writing, adding colour and depth to his characters. Moreover, there was something infectious and refreshing in Gorbachev’s words, and in the way he expressed himself. Politicians had not talked like that since Lenin addressed a packed audience at the Smolny Institute in the months leading up to the Revolution.

   ‘Perhaps we could meet sometime?’ said Gorbachev. ‘Would you be prepared to help bring about real, lasting change? Can you - ?’

   A loud voice crackled from the overhead speakers.

   ‘Comrades, please. I have an announcement to make.’

   The lights were lowered. The conversational din died out. Those gathered turned to the far end of the room, where a bearded, broad-shouldered man in a tuxedo was standing on a lectern, gesturing for quiet. On the wall directly behind him was a huge portrait of Turgenovsky.

   ‘Comrades,’ he said into a microphone. ‘You know why we’re here tonight - to pay our respects to one of the most outstanding Soviet citizens of his generation. We’ve all been touched by the majesty of his words and purity of his socialist vision. So please, show your appreciation for Ivan Fyodorovich Turgenovsky.’

   Applause swept around the hall.

   A spotlight followed Turgenovsky from one side of the room to the other. As he walked, smiling faces and words of congratulation slid in and out of focus and earshot.

   He stepped up to the lectern, and stared into the wispy fog of cigarette smoke hovering in the darkness.

   ‘I’ll keep this brief,’ he said. ‘At my time of life, you don’t know which speech will be your last.’

   Everybody laughed.

   ‘To think that fifty years have passed since I first set out on my literary career astounds and humbles me.’ Turgenovsky put a hand to his chest. ‘On these sorts of occasions when someone reaches a particular milestone in their life of course people mainly like to recall the good things about them. I simply want to say to the people here, to my comrades who’ve gathered, that I am ashamed of many of the things I have done in my life, that not everything I have done is good I know that and that I did not always behave to the highest human principals. There are things in my life that I remember with dissatisfaction, occasions when I acted without sufficient willpower, without sufficient courage. I know that, too. And I am not saying this for the purposes, so to speak, of some sort of repentance, that is a persons private business, but simply because, by remembering, one wants to avoid repeating the same mistakes. And I shall try not to…from now on, in advancing years and a happily married man, at whatever cost, I will not repeat the moral compromises I once made.’

   His words met with silence.

   An awkward few moments were endured before the lights came back on, and Turgenovsky rejoined his wife. Those who had smiled and patted his back a moment ago looked on with suspicion and disbelief.

   To have stood up and spoken the truth felt good. And such a brutally honest self-appraisal could only be a good thing for their society. If Turgenovsky could admit to faults and flaws in his past conduct, then anybody could.

   He took a glass of vodka from the tray of a passing waiter, and tried to take the edge off his nervous excitement.

   ‘That was quite some speech, Ivan Fyodorovich.’

   Turgenovsky swung round.

   ‘Comrade Molotov! What a pleasant surprise. I heard you were recuperating at a Black Sea resort after some sort of health scare.’

   Aged through years of heavy drinking and the rigours of a long political career, Molotov frowned and shook his head.

   ‘Why the big self-denunciation now of all times? Its been almost twenty-five years since Comrade Stalins death. Dont you think all the horses that mattered have bolted by now?’

   ‘Im a changed man,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘I look upon my message as a sacred one, and my only concern is delivering the truth in hope of cleansing the nation. We had no Nuremberg, comrade Molotov. We need to face up to our past, to bring people to account, and assess our collective guilt.’ He pointed to Kira, now talking to an elderly couple. You see that young woman over there? Apart from her obvious gifts’ - he paused for a moment longer than was really necessary – ‘She is fluent in six languages. She picked up French in barely three months. She is a multi-instrumentalist. She dances. She sings. She paints. She is a spiritualist. And she has brought such joy and happiness to my life. If I’d have met her when I was younger, I would never have trodden the paths I did in my youth and middle years. Now I am reaching the end of my tenure, so to speak, I want to go out with a clear conscience. If not, I wouldn’t feel worthy of my wifes affections.’

   Molotov snorted.

   So, Turgenovsky has fallen in love! Bah! Youre a contrary man, Ivan Fyodorovich, of that theres not the slightest doubt. Talented in many ways, I suppose, but there are some things you can never get clean, no matter how many times you scrub them.’

   Turgenovsky was about to protest, but Molotov had already turned and started to walk away.

   As Turgenovsky drained his vodka a middle-aged woman with short dark hair and a button nose approached him.

   ‘Comrade Turgenovsky, you may not remember me. I work at the Writers’ Union. I have for many years now. My name’s Zinaida. I used to be on the main reception desk.’

   Even though she had lost that youthfulness and sparkle which once appealed to him, she looked more than familiar.

   ‘Ah, yes, how are you? It’s been some time since I’ve been in Moscow. Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me.’

   ‘Please, comrade Turgenovsky, can I speak with you for a moment? It’s a matter of utmost importance, a matter of life and death.’

   The look in her eyes told him how desperate she was.

   ‘Why of course, my dear. Let’s go over there where it’s quiet.’

   By a concrete pillar, Zinaida told him the story of Andrei’s arrest and imprisonment, and how cruelly and unjustly he had been treated these last few years. Correspondence had been so erratic, that even now she was not one hundred per cent sure where he was being held.

   As Turgenovsky listened, he realized he was the man responsible for Andrei’s arrest.

   ‘That’s – that’s terrible. I remember the writer in question, and the old man who came into the office with that odd, er…manuscript.’ He paused. If he could not force himself to be truthful on this matter, he was determined to try and rectify the situation. ‘I had no idea that these kinds of indiscriminate arrests were still commonplace. You must give me all the details. Rest assured. I will do everything in my power to help.’

   Zinaida almost collapsed through joy and relief, and Turgenovsky had to reach out and support her.

   ‘Oh, thank you,’ she said. ‘I knew you weren’t like all the rest of them. When I heard you speak tonight, I could tell. You’re such a great man, a great writer and true humanitarian. So many times I wrote letters to you. Clearly, you didn’t receive them. Oh, with you on our side, I know this nightmare is nearly over.’

 

2

Renowned philologist, Sonya Petrovna, had been sitting in the interrogation room for well over an hour. Like so many others, she could only guess at the reasons behind her arrest. Her close association with writers of Solzhenitsyn’s reputation seemed most likely. If so, if prison and the camps awaited her, she was determined to go out fighting. There was no way she would admit to things she had not done. At fifty, her hair grey at the sides, she was a strong and independent woman; someone prepared to stand up for what they believed in, having endured much sorrow and deprivation in her early life.

   The door opened, and into the room walked Stolichky. Aged and stooped now, he put a file on the table, and sat in the chair opposite Petrovna.

   ‘I must firstly apologize for the unsettling nature of your arrest, comrade Petrovna. But it couldn’t be helped. Now, I know you’ve done a lot of research into the true authorship of a novel by a very famous Soviet writer. In recent years a few manuscript pages have come into my possession, from a book written by a man called Ronzakov, dating from around 1919.’

   Sonya Petrovna’s excitement got the better of her. She found herself talking without being prompted.

   ‘I’ve heard that name somewhere before. When I was doing my original background research it came up in relation to some Party work in the provinces just after the Revolution. If memory serves me right, Ronzakov was a very gifted literary man, dedicated to the socialist cause. Some people I spoke to mentioned that he’d read them chapters from a book he’d been working on. Unfortunately, such a long period of time had elapsed, and many of these men were in advancing years, none could remember the details. I -’

   Stolichky raised his hands.

   ‘Please, comrade Petrovna, let me put a proposal to you. If I were to let you have these pages, could you get some of your people to verify the manuscript’s authenticity?’

   ‘Only to a certain extent,’ she replied. ‘If I could smuggle them out to the West, then that would be a different matter altogether. Western scientists have developed new computerized technologies which can ascertain the exact date and origin of certain artifacts – including paper. But even this would only give us a partial conclusion. I have all the timelines sketched out at home. Nobody can prove when or where Turgenovsky started to outline his novel. If he plagiarized another’s work – as I’m sure he did – it’s literally his word against ours. There is no official record of another book having even existed, only hearsay and rumour.’

   Stolichky held up the file.

   ‘But I have parts of that book right here! Surely these pages prove something?

   ‘Sadly, no,’ said Petrovna. ‘There will always be an element of doubt. What’s to say that this Ronzakov character wasn’t the true plagiarist? That certainly makes far more sense to the average man in the street. In the course of my investigations, I’ve had literary experts look at Turgenovsky’s output – from his debut novel, his poetry, his articles in newspapers and periodicals.’

   ‘And what was their opinion?’

   ‘They said Turgenovsky was either a man of unrivalled literary genius, or he had a team of writers writing on his behalf, so different and varied are the literary devices he’s used over the years. What’s plain is that the Party had a huge influence over him from the outset of his career. But when all is said and done, we knew that was probably the case. No writer could’ve survived as long as Turgenovsky without strict adherence to the Party line.’

   Stolichky looked more than disappointed. He looked forlorn.

   ‘And how far have you got with your book?’ he asked. ‘I’m presuming you’ve committed some of your theories and findings to paper?’

   ‘I have nearly 150,000 words written,’ she replied. ‘I could put a manuscript together in a matter of weeks. But the work would be wildly speculative, almost sensationally so, because I haven’t concrete proof of anything, only highly contentious circumstantial evidence.’

   ‘Still,’ said Stolichky, ‘if something like that appeared in the West, it would certainly cause a stir – a Nobel Prize winning author accused of plagiarism, and potentially unmasked as a phony.’

   Petrovna smiled, as if finally understanding where this had all been leading.

   ‘Of that,’ she said, there’s not the slightest doubt.’

 

3

Most books dealing with a particular historical period have the benefit of a solid timeline to guide them. To flit backward and forward, however, comparing and contrasting things that happen years apart can sometimes upset the balance of the entire book. In his mind, Turgenovsky wanted his latest novel to encompass the whole Revolutionary era, and the effect it had on all elements of Russian society. His main character was one of the few people who benefited from the massive social upheavals. But it was the stories of the minor characters that were even more important. This was something he stumbled upon by chance, and as he continued to write, became the driving force of the entire novel. Originally, he did not want to start at the beginning, writing from point A to point B. He wanted to have a fluid, non-linear structure, enabling him to give more psychological depth to his characters and their various backgrounds prior to the Revolution. He started to encounter major problems when the fictional elements of his story contradicted factual events – specific dates, births and deaths – and he would get carried away with a particular scene or chapter, only to realize that a genuine historical figure, for example, was in prison or exile, or had not been in Russia at that moment in time. This led to a build-up of revision notes, things he put to one side to reconcile once the first draft was completed. As a result, he had hundreds of pages of manuscript which he was not sure what to do with – and these sections contained some of his finest writing. He really needed an editorial team to help keep this under control, but was too stubborn and paranoid. He wanted this to be his own exclusive work, and was averse to employing any outside help - something which would give dissenting voices more ammunition to use against him. In his darkest moments he feared he had taken on too much, too late in his career, and doubted whether he had the inner strength and resolve to complete such a vast novel. But he believed this book would give him ultimate redemption, that it would stun his critics, and cement a far more legitimate legacy. This drove him on. If he could just continue to work as he had over the last few years, he was sure he could pull off.

 

4

Turgenovsky’s pen was moving steadily across a sheet of writing-paper. Thoughts raced through his head with such intensity, his slim wrist seemed to buckle under the strain. This was the all-consuming moment - the edge of a cliff before the final descent, or the sliver of light at the end of lifes darkest tunnel. How far the fall or distance left to run depends upon the courage and endurance of the artist.

   There was a knock at the door - a loud, seamless, solitary knock.

   Turgenovsky stopped writing. He scowled, took a deep breath, and smoothed down his hair.

   ‘Come in.’

   Kira walked into the room. Her black dressing gown and negligee were so soft and silky they seemed to be almost falling from her shoulders.

   ‘Sorry to disturb you,’ she said. ‘I hope you weren’t at a critical point.’

   He smiled and shook his head.

   ‘As a matter of fact, I’ve just come to the end of a chapter, and was due a little break.’

   Kira sat on the edge of his desk, the tops of her shapely thighs revealed as her dressing gown shifted upward slightly.

   Turgenovsky took hold of one of her hands.

   ‘Whats the matter? You look a little down in the dumps.’

   ‘Im bored, thats all,’ she replied. Youre working so hard, and I dont want to be a hindrance, its just that that there are so many wonderful things to see and do in Moscow.’

   ‘But we’re only staying here so I can do some background research. Granted, we’ve been here for over nine months now. Still, I must make the most of my time. Look.’ He held up a few sheets of paper. ‘Im making rapid progress. This project has been in the back of my mind for years. Only recently have I started making the strides I always hoped and dreamed I would. Just wait until I show it to those bastards at the Writers Union! They’ll wet themselves when they see what Im truly capable of.’

   Kira tried to mask her feelings, but soon bowed her head and started to sob.

   Turgenovsky stood up and wrapped his arms around her.

   ‘Dont cry,’ he said. ‘Why dont you go to the cinema with Martha? In a few short hours, I’ll be finished here and we can go out to dinner or onto a dance, perhaps, anything you like.’

   Kira lifted her head.

   ‘I dont want to go out with anybody else!’ she cried. ‘I want to go out with you! I want you to show me around this wonderful city. I remember all those nights we stayed up in bed and you talked about Moscow, and all the places you promised to take me. I know I sound selfish and spoiled, but your book seems more important to you than I am. I’m coming to hate it.’

   Turgenovsky stepped away from her.

   ‘I know, I know. But I have to make certain sacrifices. The writers art requires steely discipline. You must be able to endure hours of solitude to help mould your ideas into something of beauty; something that will be read and enjoyed in a hundred years time. Mankind itself cannot progress without the writers sacrifice.’ He reached out and stroked Kiras wet cheek, as if trying to absorb her upset into his fingers. ‘Its not that Im shunning or neglecting you in any way, darling. Please believe me. But this is the book I was born to write. Denying me my sacred duty would be like denying my body the oxygen it needs to live.

   There was a long silence.

   Kira let her dressing gown and negligee fall from her shoulders.

   Turgenovsky looked her naked body up and down, before taking her in his arms, and laying her on the desk, on top of freshly-written pages of his prized manuscript.

 

5

Snow fell steadily. Muscovites padded over pavements or splashed through slushy puddles at the sides of the roads. Amongst the crowds, Turgenovsky walked down Nikolskaya Street. As he stopped to check his watch, someone shouted his name.

   He looked over his shoulder.

   By the sides of a tenement building was a crooked human shape wrapped in several layers of tatty clothing.

   Ivan Fyodorovich? the man repeated, and gestured for Turgenovsky to come over.

   Turgenovsky advanced but still kept his distance.

   ‘Who are you?’ he shouted back.

   The man dressed in rags pushed himself up and away from the wall, and tottering slightly, stepped a little closer.

   ‘Its me.’

   Turgenovsky squinted up his eyes.

   ‘Who?’

   The stranger moved closer still, so the building could no longer cast a shadow over his wrinkled, corpse-like face, and half-opened, toothless mouth.

   ‘Me…your old comrade, Lev Dalyanov.’

*

Light from the roaring fire flickered across Lev Dalyanovs wasted features. With his bald, flaky head lowered, he sat in an armchair devouring a bowl of meat broth from a tray on his lap. He sucked at pieces of soaked bread with his useless gums, making repulsive squelching noises. His stomach was so empty each mouthful groaned its way through his body like water gurgling down a drain. Turgenovsky had to look away, casting his eyes over the back-room with its faux-leather furnishings and felt drapes. To think how full of life and strongly convicted Lev had once been was painful. To be reduced to nothing more than a skin and bone shell was particularly cruel. It made Turgenovsky feel guilty. It was Lev, after all, who was the true man of the people, not him.

   There was a knock at the door. 

   A waiter came in and took the tray with the empty bowl on it. His nostrils twitched when he caught the wretched old mans stench, exacerbated by the heat of the fire.

   The waiter left the room and closed the door behind him.

   Lev licked his fingers and wiped his chin.

   ‘Thats better,’ he said. ‘I havent had something warm inside of me since since I cant remember when. Thank you, Ivan. That was very kind of you. Many lesser men would’ve carried on walking, seeing someone like me skulking in the shadows.’

   There was a long pause, neither man seeming to know what to say next.

   ‘Lev - what happened to you? I remember seeing you for the last time on the morning we were reprieved. Then I was taken to one cell, and you the others, I mean because you had families, connections, and money, were taken to another. I presumed youd served your sentence and returned to your normal lives.’

   Lev let out a throaty chuckle. It quickly turned into a rasping cough, which took him a full minute to recover from.

   ‘Ironic, isn’t it?’ he said. ‘There we were, little rich boys playing revolutionaries with our moneyed parents to fall back on - and you who’d no one in the world to rely on, who was in a far worse predicament getting off lightest in the end. You know, I often thought about you during my years in prison. In fact, I used to conduct imaginary conversations with you just before I drifted off to sleep. There were so many things I wanted to ask. I wanted to know how you got to where you were in our new society. Back then you were staunchly opposed to all things revolutionary. I remember’ - he broke off and coughed once again – ‘I – I remember some of the things you used to say; the way you teased and tormented us, questioning whether wed read Marx or not, and what our true class convictions were. It used to be so galling. But you were right. When that great day in October finally arrived, those of genuine proletarian origins, men just like you rose to the forefront of things. It was inevitable, really. But what changed your mind? Was there some kind of major turning point in your life?’

   Turgenovsky had answered this question many times before.

   ‘Undoubtedly our arrest and mock execution changed me in so many ways. It made me realize that something was gravely amiss in our society. On that transit train to Siberia I was lucky enough to run into some, er’ Turgenovsky paused, the T-word hovering on his lips ‘some great revolutionary thinkers. Fortunately, I managed to escape, and before I knew it I was working alongside comrade Lenin himself. Then I travelled to the provinces with the Commissariat of Education and -’

   ‘And your writing?’ said Lev. ‘When did you start to write that beautiful book of yours? That novel got me through many a long night in prison. Its given me so much pleasure over the years. And to think I was the only one who thought you were capable of such wonderful things. Everyone used to laugh at me when I told them of the genius latent within you. But they didn’t know you like I did. Granted, those early articles of yours may have been a little impetuous - second-rate, perhaps - regardless, we spent a great deal of time together, and you were always so very convincing, and I truly believe that kind of unshakeable self-confidence is the first step to greatness. It put me a little in awe of you, because you were everything I wanted to be a true proletarian, a true artist in the making.’

   Lev looked to the floor, as if embarrassed.

   ‘And what about you?’ Turgenovsky asked for the second time. ‘What actually happened to you?’

   Lev raised his head, took a deep breath, composed himself, and started to tell Turgenovsky the story of his life.

   ‘As you were probably aware, I was deported to Turukhansk. Over a period of months I brooded about my arrest and started to despise all things revolutionary. The freezing conditions, the desolation and bleakness of my surroundings completely reversed my convictions. I became bitter and self-reproachful. I felt stupid for having put myself in such a terrible predicament. To cut a long story short, my weakness won over in the end, and I wrote to my parents telling them that I had seen the error of my ways, and no longer harboured any antipathy towards our Father the Tsar. Dont you see, Ivan, for vain and selfish reasons I sold myself out. I missed my warm bed and my extravagant meals, and the love and protection of my family the things Id previously renounced, and the very things you said I would miss most. When the Revolution was on the brink of success, I forsook it. Therefore, everything that has happened to me feels fully justified. Like some kind of religious penitent, the prisons and forced-labour camps were a form of self-flagellation. And to think, if Id have just held firm I would’ve seen all my wildest dreams come true the workers paradise.’

   The fire crackled, making Lev jump, and momentarily lose the thread of his story.

   Turgenovsky leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

   ‘And what happened next?’ he asked. ‘Did you return from exile?’

   ‘Yes,’ Lev replied. ‘My parents used their influence and had me pardoned. I had to swear allegiance to the Tsar, and enlist in the lower ranks of the army. I was sent to the front line the front line - what a mess! What a waste! The carnage is impossible to describe, and I wont burden you with all the details. After that I was taken prisoner, then liberated. In the Civil War I fought for the Whites, was eventually captured and arrested as a counter-revolutionary, and sent to the gulag. For the last fifty-odd years I’ve worked in prison camps from one side of the Soviet Union to the other. Even after the death of comrade Stalin, I remained in the Norilsk mining complex as a voluntary worker. There I forged some unique bonds, a sense of communality that had been lacking in my early life. I made friends. And for the first time I knew what real friendship was working with my fellow prisoners, accomplishing something real, something I could stand back and admire at the end of the day. Look - look at these.’

   Unsteadily, Lev got to his feet, unbuttoned the cardigan he wore over the top of a threadbare jacket, and showed Turgenovsky a collection of medals and decorations hanging from his breast pocket.

   ‘These medals are all for winners of socialist competitions.’ He pointed to each medal in turn. ‘“Winner of metallurgy, Winner of the Seventh Five Year Plan”…I cant quite remember what this one was for….but these ones are for the Veteran of the Norilsk Complex” and Veteran of the USSR” for valiant and dedicated labour. And this one is a jubilee medal for “Veterans of the Great Patriotic War.” Our mine produced more precious metals for the war effort than anywhere else. Its something Im immensely proud of. For I contributed, you see, and in a far more important way than if I had not been arrested in the first place. And that fills me with immense satisfaction. In the end, I did my revolutionary duty.’

   With sadness, Turgenovsky looked at the broken old man showing off his medals, fooling himself into believing that all his suffering had been in the name of a higher, worthier cause, his face bearing not the slightest comparison to the young man he had once been.

   ‘And so you should be,’ said Turgenovsky. ‘Without you, the war would never have been won. Youre a true hero of our times.’

   ‘Thank you, Ivan. To hear those words from you means a lot to me more than you’ll ever know.’

 

Chapters

24

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Seringapatam wrote 29 days ago

Your writing is great and so engaging. It would be difficult to believe that one wouldnt become hooked in this book. You display some intelligent writing to say the least and it looks to me that you have found your niche genre and this is where you will do well. Great story, brilliant pace to it and superb narrative. So well done and I will see where this goes.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

rikasworld wrote 80 days ago

Hi, happy to hear that the Holy Drinker is now published. I think this one is even better. I have thoroughly enjoyed what I have read so far - got as far as him joining up with Lenin.
Turgenovsky is a nicely Flashmanlike hero. I liked the way he was introduced in the first chapter. He sounded delightful until his attitude to young girls became obvious. His thoughts about his sister are pretty horrific too and his readiness to sacrifice everyone else for his own ends.
It's a fast paced read and the details are very convincing - even introducing the great names of the Russian Revolution seemed quite natural and I think I'm going to learn a fair bit about the period.
One small edit. In the part where he thinks he's going to be in the rough area of the train and the other man is offering to protect him, it should be 'The guards couldn't care less' I think.
I will definitely buy this if you let me know when it's up on Amazon.

AbiBoots wrote 161 days ago

Lovely, intellingent writing and a really intriguing story line. Your writing really captures the feel of the country and is visual and cinematic. I could see the scenes open out before me, in black and white, as I read. I will save this to my bookshelf to read more soon.

Kit Fox wrote 176 days ago

I like the way you have taken the end of the story and then taken it back to the beginning so we are keen to see how the character gets there. Early days as I have only read a few chapters but good first impression.

Would have liked to see more of the 'inner workings' of Turgenovsky's thoughts and character in the opening to compel me to continue but this is a small point.

I will read on as time allows! Best of luck, Kit Fox

R.E. Ader wrote 183 days ago

I have only started to read, and must say that I am somewhat impressed with the premise and your writing style. Good work.

DecemberRaen wrote 200 days ago

Your writing impressed me. I am a huge fan of dystopian literature, and your novel is a prime example of this genre. 6 stars from me.

Abby Vandiver wrote 202 days ago

This is very well written. I didn't notice any errors and think little if any editing needs to be done. There was a good flow and your writing was engaging. You tell a story very well. I only read a few chapters but I couldn't understand why you decided to make the final days the first chapter. I would think that it would read better if you told the story from the beginning.

Great start. Six stars from me.

Abby

Maria44 wrote 206 days ago

My one and only criticism is one you share with Tolstoy, and that is it takes me a few chapters to properly familiarise with Russian names (I expected Denisov to mispronounce his 'r's.

Your writing is excellent though, original similes and the conversations first rate, Turgenovsky speaks like a classical writer would, his comment about critics etc. Overall a great piece of work.

Maria

Nigel Fields wrote 282 days ago

I would love to have a copy of this book to set next to my Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky--it's that good.
JBCampbell

arne wrote 284 days ago

This is very good work. I liked it very much. I am partial to your style and will be keeping an eye out for more from you. Good work here, highly rated.
Arne Lash
Pimps, Beggars, and Bones.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 292 days ago

BUTTERFLY & THE WHEEL
This is an interesting story. Turgenovsky is a good character; rich and famous he may be, but he has a dark under side which makes him a character a reader wants to follow. Poor Bazdeyev; looks like even though he’s trying hard to get a personal moment with Turgenovsky, it’s not going to happen; not when Turgenovsky is so much interested in Nina. An important strength in your writing is your ability to describe settings. You give just enough information a read knows what things look like; not so much you bog down your story. Depicts the Russian background well. A good read, I’m starring this and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Kit Masters wrote 390 days ago

Hello, I've read up to Lenin's declaration of the revolution now and congratulations on a very readable story so far.

I find some things frustrating though; Ivan Turgenovsky is a difficult to read character, I find him more of a don Quixoite than a Raskelnikoff, I'm not sure which you are going for.

I know I'm not supposed to like him but he's a real pain in the backside!

I'd like to know your aim in writing this; if it's just to be historical then great, you tick all the boxes with your excellently well researched incidents into which Ivan stumbles.

If on the other hand your intention is to be more literary than simply plot driven then I think it may be worth investing more time developing likable qualities in your main character; not to say that he can't wee himself and lie, but as long as he has something deeper going on we will forgive him.

For instance when he was on the ordinary prisoner cattle class, I thought to myself, "great he's going to go on a 'Resurrection' style journey and we'll fall in love with him and feel invested."

However the sister comes to the rescue and he avoids having to do any of the penitence, that his sister aptly suggests, when he bumbles into Trotsky and escapes.

If your aim is to create a Flashman or a don Quioxite, then you've got the structure but I'd probably like a little humour to go with it.

But saying that you could easily replace Ivan with a deep and lovable creation and make more of an emotional impact.

I felt that your name choices indicate that you're a fan of Russian fiction, (Volonsky, Denisov etc,) and your discussion of what Ivan reads, but your narrative voice has a light hearted flow which is nice to read but doesn't have the deep gravitas of the big Russian novelists.

Try for instance writing in a Tolstoy-esque long sentence into the occasional paragraph, or look at how Turgenev structures his sentences; I think that things like this will give you greater authenticity.


I truely admire this work, especially in terms of the historical detail and lavish attention to structure that you've put in.

I am also aware that I have not read anywhere near enough to assert the worth of much of what I've said, I just hope that it can be of some use to you!

I certainly hope that you take my comments positively, because they are meant in that way.

This is a story that I wish to keep reading, congratulations on an accomplished piece of writing which is truely individual!

Sincerely and with regards

Kit

Geddy25 wrote 404 days ago

This is fantastic and should be in print!!!!
I wasn't sure how I'd like a historical, Russian tale, but you have created something wonderful. I keep having to tell myself it's fiction as you have made it all sound so real.
Your writing flows with ease and you captured my attention so easily.
Very good luck with this! Top stars!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

outofprintwriter wrote 414 days ago

Hi
I'm so pleased to stumble across this book. And I should thank you in advance for your lovely comments about my own book - I feel so much more humbled now that I have seen the quality of your writing!

Firstly, let me just say that your book really appeals to my own interests. I love the classic Russian writers (I studied Russian literature at uni) and that period in Russia's history is so interesting. I have also travelled to Russia a couple of times. Have you been there yourself? Your descriptions are so vivid and everything about your work is so well-researched.

I like that you start the novel when there is some action going on, as it gets the reader interested straight away. You set the scene well and much about Ivan's character comes out in the first chapter through what he says and does, without it being boring exposition. And I also believed in your dialogue - which is such an important thing for me. And I think you have really tried to capture how they would speak back in the day...

But the moment I knew I was reading something truly brilliant was when Dunya was introduced. This reveals so much about the type of person Ivan is and I can tell that he is going to be one of those classic characters that readers struggle with, that do things that they hate, but perhaps they can't help liking him anyway.

We just got an ipad today - which is making reading vast amounts of text online far easier. So I look forward to reading more of your book soon!

Ruth2904 wrote 417 days ago

Love your opening lines. Usually I like to see dialogue in the opening lines, but this works very well indeed. You capture the atmosphere right from the start making me feel as though I'm in Russia, living the moment. Your work is first class and flows extremely well. Certainly a book with a difference. Well done.

Ruth 2904
To Dream Again

riantorr wrote 418 days ago

This is how I would edit the last line of your first paragraph. Nuanced changes, but you may see what I mean.

"... In a belted, blood-red tunic, with long grey hair flowing past his shoulders, he alighted in a flourish, belying his seventy-three years."

Regards,
RianTorr
New London Masquerade

Numbers wrote 418 days ago

Hi,

This is very well written and researched. I can tell tremendous time and effort has gone into this. I only wish I had more time to read the entire MS (I'll slowly make my way there - as I'm doing with other books).

The pace flowed well. Not too fast, not too slow. The dialogue touches upon the melodrama that Dostoyevsky applies to the majority of his characters in The Brothers Karamazov.

Starred and remaining on my watchlist til I read more!

Cheers,
Adam

marfleet wrote 421 days ago

I love historical pieces so this was a delight. I know very little about the period in Russia and so enjoy the detail, in fact I would not have minded a bit more historical background from time to time (as long as it doesn’t drag on the plot - a difficult balance). I thought the pace of the book was about right and the glimpse into the seedy side of the MC given in the opening chapter added momentum. The MS is very clean of errors but there were a couple of instances where the dialogue seemed a little forced (e.g. opening conversation with Trotsky) although it did give a “Russian” feel and perhaps that is more important.

These are just a couple of points I jotted down as I read so feel free to use or ignore :-)
- First paragraph of Chap 2 could benefit from turning it into 2 or even 3 to break it up a bit.

- I feel there may be a bit of a timing inconsistency around his sentencing, reprieve and sending to Siberia. He was supposed to be shot the morning after his capture (see end paragraph before number 3 in Chap2) yet he gets a letter to his sister, she follows his case for some time (it is implied) and then gets money to him. Also “his second reprieve in a handful of weeks” is inconsistent, so I think the first instance saying he is to be shot the following morning needs to be corrected.

- Not too sure Trotsky would blurt the entire escape plan in one go to a stranger. It may be more convincing to have the plan come out in longer dialogue somehow.

I enjoyed this and have put it on my WL. All the best with it.

Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

like2read wrote 423 days ago

This is really interesting. I'm adding it to my watch list.

Ian_Keith wrote 430 days ago

It's a pleasure to read your well-crafted prose. I'm adding The Butterfly and the Wheel to my bookshelf.

uncas wrote 433 days ago

Very interesting idea - I like the overall concept and hope it works out for you.
Regards,
Uncas

eurodan49 wrote 434 days ago

Hi Randall,
Read a few chapters and browsed a lot more.
The character’s name took me to Turgenev, as it would many a reader, and I would suggest a change (unless you intend to claim that Ivan plagiarized).
Let’s talk about your story.
Good start and nice intro of your MC. That said, I didn’t find the right color for a small Soviet town of the Brezhnev era. Chapter 2 starts real well and there’s plenty of tension, but part 3 is a long neutral narrative voice which did little for the story. And while I’m at it, these numbered subchapters got me confused. Do you need them? Getting to Trotsky, he was the real ideologue of the movement, he had a magnetic personality and flamboyant speech and often began hours long tirades. In your description, you don’t do him justice. When I met Lenin, I expected to be introduced to the elaborate security which surrounded him. I know, you’re writing fiction, but their historical characters are played down too much—and as I said, I don’t see the tension which was all over Petrograd at the time. Many years ago, I met some old Russians who actively participated in the revolution. They spoke colorfully, describing the riots, street fights, the cold, famished rabble, the killings, rapes, torching, stealing, the Red Guards surrounding the top Bolshevik leaders—in their trademark long black leather coats, red armbands, revolvers hanging by their necks, and the summary justice they enforced. Sorry, just a thought.
Chapter 3 draws away from historical figures and does a much better portrayal of the time. But again, a little color would help. Just saying “the 3rd class compartment was cold and gloomy, why not show it? To begin, there were no compartments in 3rd class, the car had wooden bench seats on both sides with an aisle in between. People were running away from the fighting. You really needed to know someone to get a seat on a train. Red Squads shot those trying to get on board without proper documentation (usually a printed paper with a stamp). People were running away with their belongings, Red Squads confiscated everything the wanted. People were hungry, dirty, with kids—the noise in 3rd class would had been unimaginable, and the smell…
I like your voice. The dialogue sounds real enough (even if historically incorrect)—nothing that can’t be fixed with a good editing.
Overall, a nice story, worthy of backing. It will go on my shelf as soon as I take one down. If I forget, remind me in a few days.
Good luck.
Dan

Davidmauriceware wrote 439 days ago

Plain and simple brillance, I love the fast paced smooth and steady flow. Backed

Ann Campbell wrote 440 days ago

N.A. Randall

Thanks for agreeing to swap reads Neil.

The Butterfly and the Wheel
This is an exciting, fast-moving, story, with the protagonist nicely developed as a pompous phony, though perhaps a bit to obviously self-aggrandizing; e.g. his heavy-handed references to his great literary talent, etc..

I got the impression that the writer was too intent on the well-imagined plot developments to work on the re-writing and editing that would have made it even better. I almost gave up in Chap 1 (some problems are mentioned by others posts) but Chaps. 2 and 3 were much better and the story so vivid and interesting that I've Watchlisted it.
The somewhat formal, overblown, language is fine when it's used to show how self-important Turgenevsky is, but muddies the story up when it's the author speaking. Sometimes the language would work better if a little more precise, e.g. the fur coat is "not in bearing with" the wearer's sentiments--'didn't fit' 'wasn't in line with'??.
Possible typos or cut-and-paste slips, "they were a sporadic phenomenon"? (Should be 'they were sporadic phenomena'). Similarly, "the majority of the next day"? Majority refers to a number of items, and "most of the next day" is terser anyway.
One research nitpick: most educated Russians spoke at least two languages in Lenin's day (and most of the revolutionaries were educated bourgeois in origin) so it's not much of a selling point for T. What if he had very special printing skills or contacts? (I've researched a lot re. Russia 1898-1917 for my own novel "Ssylka"--not yet on Authonomy.)

I look forward to reading more, Anne.

Ann Campbell wrote 440 days ago

Hi, are you interested in swapping reads. I've read part of 'Butterfly' and will post soon. Will you take a look at "Polly"? Anne.

Ann Campbell wrote 440 days ago

Hi, are you interested in swapping reads. I've read part of 'Butterfly' and will post soon. Will you take a look at "Polly"? Anne.

johnpatrick wrote 443 days ago

Hello NA,
Read up to the end of chap 2.
This is refreshing, great flow and so very informative.
It almost feels dialogue driven-up untill the BS in part 3 above-conferring a frenetic pace.
You trust the readers intelligence throughout, only two things stand out for me as overplayed:
'an almost ravenous glint'
'20 roubles, you say' The 'you say' is unncessary.

Great read, will go far I'm sure.
High stars and WL for now.
John
Dropping Babies.

Paul Beattie wrote 444 days ago

Really enjoyed this, NA. Shelved and highly rated.

I'm a huge fan of historical fiction - particularly where the storyline has a contemporary, almost satirical feel - and this seems to fit the bill very nicely. The prose is terrifically smooth - vivid and original and with an immediate, almost filmic quality to the phrasing/imagery. Very impressive.

The sense of place (both re the 1910s and 1960s) is clearly but subtly evoked. It's obvious you know your stuff but you don't feel the need to ram your research down the reader's throat. It's just there in the background, adding colour and depth. Nicely done. Convincing and purposeful dialogue. Good sense of a sprawling, quite ambitious storyline taking shape. Clever use of dry, sardonic wit, particularly in the dialogue.

If I were to offer any criticism, it would be that, altho I loved the conversational exchanges - the various voices ring true and the exchanges add good energy to the scenes - there were times when I felt as if the novel was relying too much on dialogue to move the storyline along. I know that's an odd criticism (and it's probably just me!!) but, on quite a few occasions, I longed for a little more preamble both to set the scene and provide the reader with a clearer insight into the various character's motivations/mindset etc. At the moment, the breakneck speed of the novel (particularly a novel which is bound to invite comparisons with Pasternak, Dostoevsky etc), while helping to keep the pages turning, prevents me from engaging fully with the characters and the overall thrust of the narrative. Just a thought.

In short, a beautifully written, vividly real, very original piece of writing. Thanks and best of luck. P

FrancesK wrote 444 days ago

Drawn by the Russian backdrop, I was held by the dry humour, the flamboyantly Russian characters and the unlikely juxtaposition of Lenin, Trotsky and a grubby little self serving writer all caught up in the glorious revolution. I'll be back for more, meanwhile please accept six stars and a backing with my compliments - Frances K

Fred Le Grand wrote 451 days ago

Hi,
This is a very professional piece of writing and I enjoyed it.
Where you get the names from beats me.
There is a very authentic Russian feel to the first chapter.
BTW avoid green eyes in any of your writing - editors laugh about it - I'm told.
Backed.

scargirl wrote 458 days ago

i know i have back this already, but every time i look at it, i am drawn in by the premise...
j
what every woman should know

Carolyn Brown Heinz wrote 462 days ago

As a reader, I'm there. . . 1968 Russia, the train station, the public speeches, the idolized author, the smarmy bureaucrat---it's all visual and alive. I'd buy this book; it's the kind of book I read.

I do have one thought about the first chapter: it seems possibly too long. And there's a shift that happens that you might use to break to a second chapter. One gets a Tolstoyesque feeling at the beginning, though with early suspicions about the great man, but beginning with "Since his final address. . . ," the POV changes to Bazdeyev's, and we begin to see Turgenovsky differently. Maybe there IS a break there--I see there's an extra paragraph break. So maybe it would feel like a big enough transition in print, but even a whole chapter break might be good.

Just a thought. I'm truly impressed with the writing and the wonderful historical and cultural setting.

ClaireLyman wrote 467 days ago

First of all, like Di below I have to say that I was grabbed by the short pitch. (Your novel has been on my WL basically since I joined, I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get round to reading it.... ) I had to concentrate to follow the longer pitch, but this is definitely the kind of story that appeals. I'm fascinated by communist Russia and of course by the idea of writing and being recognised for art - the combination of the two is definitely something that would make me pick up this book in a bookshop.
"When you get to my age there'll be plenty of time for sleeping" - this sentence confused me. Does he mean he'll get to sleep a lot soon, once he's passed away?
I loved your first sentence, and the first few after that - in just a few words you deftly paint the scene and plunge us in the atmosphere. Also great that you introduce elements like Nina - I liked the "His tongue darted out over his top lip" - nice detail that says it all. The occasional sentence could do with tightening - "despite seeming to be far from listening", for example - you might find it helpful to read it out loud - dull, tedious and you feel like an idiot but it really helps you tighten things. This is good stuff though!

Diwrite wrote 469 days ago

I really like this.
The short pitch grabbed me and if I'd been in a bookshop I would have picked it up. (The long pitch perhaps goes on too far - nothing wrong with keeping some of your powder dry.)

I found the writing good - confident and engaging with a nice flow, but it's the story that really grabbed me. Human frailty and bad decisions always draw me in. And I think many of us on this site can relate to the irony of a poor writer making it big!

I'll be putting this on my shelf as soon as there's room.
Good luck!

Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Julia Strand wrote 473 days ago

This is really interesting, and generally very well written. I have a few comments on your pitches and first chapter:

- short pitch - I really liked this, it's what made me put it on my watchlist (along with the intriguing title)

- long pitch - I like this too, but I have the feeling that the 3rd and 4th paragraphs go a bit too far into the plot and map out the book rather too much. In my opinion (which is of course only my opinion!) I'd amend it as follows:
1st paragraph fine
2nd paragraph fine, but add the next sentence of the third paragraph to it, so that it finishes 'battles to keep his reputation intact.'
Cut the rest of the 3rd paragraph and all of the 4th paragraph.
5th paragraph good

I'm a strong believer that less is more when it comes to the back of a book, and I think this would make the pitch a bit more of a teaser, leaving a few of the twists and turns of the plot to be a surprise.

- first paragraph: in general I like this opening, and I think you've made a particularly neat job of conveying Turgenovsky's appearance in a way that flows - always a tricky one at the start of a book. I love the idea that he has different coloured eyes - somehow disconcerting - but it strikes me there's something very slightly clumsy about that last sentence. I wondered about rephrasing:
"... especially his curious, different coloured eyes, one grey and lifeless offset by another of almost emerald green. They gave his waxen features and prominent cheekbones ..."
Do you think that's any better?

For my taste, it's also rather a long first paragraph, which slows the pace unnecessarily. I'd be inclined to put in a paragraph break after 'seventy-three years', so that the next paragraph has the new piece of action of the new character rushing forward. I'm not very keen on 'alighting with a flourish' - I know what you're getting at, but I'm not convinced that those two words go together - how about: "alighting with a nimbleness which belied his 73 years" (also avoids the slightly odd looking 'belying').

The writing runs on well after this, and there are several little things I really like - 'devotee at Holy Communion', and Turgenovsky referring to himself obliquely as "the great poet". Lovely!

The dialogue works quite well to my ear - there's a sort of momentousness in the phrasing which suits the picture of a great man addressing a supplicant. The only thing that struck me is that a couple of the contractions are rather at odds with the rhythm of it, such as 'The pleasure's all mine' - since Turgenovsky is speaking in ringing tones, why not, 'The pleasure is all mine.' Also later on 'there'll be plenty of time for sleeping.' I'd go for the full 'there will''.

In the same vein, I'd put in a paragraph break in the first paragraph of Turgenovsky's speech after 'prevalent in our society'. I think this would improve the pace and help the reader to hear the stirring tones of Turgenovsky's delivery.

You conjure the picture of the streets and the celebrations really well, so I enjoyed the rest of this very much. You also convey Turgenovsky's lasiviciousness brilliantly - it makes my skin crawl, especially the darting tongue and ravenenous glint. And the end of the chapter draws the reader uncomfortably onwards to see how Nina will survive the encounter.

I hope these remarks are helpful. Please don't be discouraged by my very specific criticisms. I only bother to comment in this kind of detail on work that I think shows real promise! I'm also more than prepared to submit to your dissection of mine, if you have the time and inclination.

Julia
Time Was Away

scarlettwarrior wrote 476 days ago

Such a quick read-along feel, with a kind of modern pacing that still allows for a traditional 'classic' style approach. Of what I've read so far, it feels like a very warming read and the seeds of the plot line have been sown and so I am drawn in. It's the type of book someone like me loves to read with a knowing and wry grin of enjoyment. I will read more when I have the chance! Thank you for backing my book too - though it is a long time since I have even looked at it - I can barely remember what it reads like!

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 478 days ago

The farther I read, the more I like this. I've always enjoyed the Russian writers, especially Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky, and I think you're coming along in their wake. And thanks for backing my book and making some helpful comments.

Barbara Jurgensen wrote 480 days ago

Fascinating. I want to keep reading and reading. I'm happy to add it to my bookshelf and give it a bunch of stars.

Emily Lives wrote 484 days ago

This book reads like a classic . . . and it is. Love it, love it, love it.

Lil' Em

Michelle Williamson wrote 494 days ago

HI,
I've put you on my watchlist. I've read a bit and I like your style.

Michelle Williamson

Lulie wrote 512 days ago

Hi. There is much to admire here; the writing is mostly extremely competent. Personally, though, I would launch straight in with dialogue at the opening, then feed in description in smaller doses. Telling us that Turgenovsky's eyes are different colours is by the by, really, and holds up that crucial beginning where you hook your readers in.
Do take a look at 'Jelly-Boy'; I'd be grateful.

Jack Hughes wrote 527 days ago

"Turgenovsky's literary aspirations far outweigh his talents..." God I know how that feels! A perfect hook-line. I remember backing this book a while ago, it is clever, beautifully written and, in some ways, is a most befitting tribute to the ambitions and desperations that all of us have faced at some point or another on our literary journies. Excellent work, I will back it again as soon as I find a space. Good luck.

Jack Hughes



Floodo wrote 530 days ago

It might be a little stileted but you depict an era, a time when language mattered more than it does now to many. Modern writers indulge in bad language, weak vocabulary and inaccuracies in expression. I like it. Will back it. similar to mine in a way. Shades of Green - when you have time. Thanks Mary

PAB40 wrote 544 days ago

Don't agree, the dialogue is informative and natural - from what I have read elsewhere, functionaries tended to talk as though they were making memos half the time. I works here. Having enjoyed 'Stalin: the court if the red tsar' which dwells on the fate of writers good and bad, I think the a book about literature and it's politicisation in that era is an untapped market. Liked the Cuba bits. Excellent concept.

Charles Bunton wrote 554 days ago

I have no wish to contest the historical accuracy of your book but I do find some of the dialogue unnaturally stilted and impossible to reconcile with the spoken word! It's as if the writer is using the characters to convey background information to the reader instead of filtering it through in the manner of realistic conversation. Just my impression.
Best wishes
Stewart

JamesRevoir wrote 586 days ago

Hello:

I read the first several chapters of The Butterfly and the Wheel and thoroughly enjoyed the story. It grabs the reader's attention quickly and continues to move along at a good pace; moreover, it provides a readable historical primer as to what was going on in the minds of the Russian people during the Bolshevik Revolution.

May this book find a publisher to launch you to your writing dreams.

James Revoir

rommyo wrote 589 days ago

I like this one. In terms of craftsmanship, there's maybe turns of phrase occasionally seeming very slightly stilted, but it sort of suits a general "Russianness." Otherwise it's very well-done.

I can imagine the overall high concept of the book being synonymous with "ME MAKE NO MONEY" in the minds of today's sophisticated publishing professionals, sadly. I'm not sure if that's a valid or interesting "critique," but it might be holding you back from fulfilling dreams of filthy lucre.

Catherine Edmunds wrote 602 days ago

Cover art: it's red. Hard to say much else about it. Okay, it's clearly the most appropriate colour you could have used, and it's better than a badly drawn butterfly and wheel would have been, but it's too conceptual for its own good.

Title: good.

Short pitch: very good. Makes me interested to read on.

Long pitch: too long. I get the impression you've summarised the entire book here, rather than enticing me with possibilities. I'd re-think this.

Chapter one. Not the greatest of opening sentences. I would definitely delete 'The struggling young writer'. Presumably the text is going to show that he's a struggling young writer, so you don't need to state it so blandly right at the start. Too much description of the hair. If it's long, it wouldn't just poke out, it would be going everywhere. I'd just go for tufts of hair rather than long hair as it's a more interesting and descriptive phrase. Don't bother with the colour unless it's going to be vital to the plot. Readers prefer to make up their own minds as to what colour everyone's hair is. Drop 'smoky frozen thickness' for the river. You really don't need it. The reader, at the start of a novel, wants stuff happening, not a detailed description of everything. That can come later. His internal monologue is good, but I would drop the last sentence of the paragraph.

You don't need to describe Lev as wearing a 'good quality fur coat and hat'. It's winter. It's by the Neva. Of course he's wearing a fur coat and hat. You could just describe him as being 'well-dressed' or ideally, leave out the description all together. It's not needed here, as I'm sure it's not vital for the plot. And talking of coats, you don't need to describe Ivan's coat as a threadbare winter coat. Okay, keep the threadbare, but winter is entirely superfluous. Generally speaking, I think you need to go through and ask yourself whether all the detailed descriptions are needed. At the very least, limit yourself to no more than one adjective per noun, and preferably try to find a noun that is sufficiently descriptive that you don't need the adjective at all - tricky when it comes to coats, true, but there are words for coat that are descriptive in themselves (greatcoat, overcoat, raincoat).

I like the dialogue: the way at first they're not really talking to each other but rather throwing opinions around. Very realistic. They 'tune in' to each other's words after a bit, and this works well.

Beware of being vague. For example: 'He despised these new revolutionary-types who seemed to have sprung up like corpses in some Gogolian fable' would to my mind be stronger and more immediate as: 'He despised these new revolutionary-types who were springing up like corpses in some Gogolian fable'. Then in the next paragraph you have 'some sort of ruckus'. I'd drop the 'some sort of'.

If everything you have posted here really is the entire chapter one, then it's miles too long. If section one is the actual chapter one, then it's too short, and section two (Chapter two?) is even shorter. It's little more than an episode. And talking of length, you have a 'long, uncomfortable pause'. Drop the long. Just have an uncomfortable pause. Better style. I like the way Turgenovsky holds his tongue rather than telling the other characters exactly what he thinks of their politics. This gives us more insight into his character than any amount of ranting would have done.

Regarding chapter length, I would have run chapters (sections?) one and two together, perhaps with a line of asterisks between to show the change of scene. The current section two ends with an excellent hook, so it would be a great way to end a first chapter.

General impression of all I've read so far: you are great on dialogue and characterisation and your historical research looks impeccable as far as I can tell. On the downside, you're over fond of unnecessary descriptions and are sometimes not as direct as you could be. Assuming you have the entire manuscript in one Word document, trying doing a global search for the word 'seems'. I bet you use it dozens of times. It's one of those words that rarely justifies its inclusion in literary writing. Also check your adjectives. If you have to use them, make sure they're good ones. 'long' is not a good adjective. Go for precision; only use modifiers that couldn't possibly refer to anything else.

Assuming the plotting is consistently good throughout, you have a book with great potential here in my view. Very best of luck with it.

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 603 days ago

We have a big read here, straight in the deep end! You work a huge canvas with great courage. Not enough of us have strength for that, and literature is poorer for it, because I love a big, well written book.

Can your artists' introversions be trimmed a bit? Your "young man angst" is realistic though rather self conscious, as young men are, it is true. I admire you for taking on such a complicated setting and making it work. Fran Macilvey, "Trapped"

a.morrison712 wrote 607 days ago

This was a little outside of my genre, but it was still an interesting read. I made it through Chapter 1 and was hooked almost from the very beginning. No major grammatical or writing errors that I saw, but I'm not an expert. I love your long pitch too. I think the short pitch could grab the reader a little more than it does now though, it seems almost academic at the moment. In general, very well done. I am giving you high stars and will be back for another chapter when it's not so late! :)

Best,

Ashley

123