Book Jacket

 

rank 2680
word count 119149
date submitted 08.11.2010
date updated 08.11.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Fantasy, Young A...
classification: universal
complete

FALLEN ANGELS

Candace Isenhwoer

Orphans, reaching 18, manifest powers and discover they are the last remnant of the Legacy of Fallen Angels created at the beginning of time.

 

Six orphans, reaching the age of eighteen, begin to manifest powers and discover they are the last remnant of the Legacy of Fallen Angels created at the beginning of time. With the world on the brink of Armaggedon, and their lives on the line, they must navigate a supernatural world of underground cities, fight against Legions of Black Angels, battle armies of Demons of Shadow, join forces with vampires, and eventually save the world. In the midst of the darkness, they find that light still shines, love is still possible, and dreams can mean everything.

 
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adventure, angels, antichrist, armaggedon, battles, darkness, demons, dreams, evil, fallen angels, fantasy, good, horror, light, love, love triangle, ...

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“For we are not contending against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.”

Ephesians 6:12 (RSV)

 

Prologue

 

The demon sliced through the heated air of the Texas capitol, a dark moving shadow invisible to the human eye. He wove through the tops of the tall buildings, passing beside Austin’s Frost Tower and its glowing, jagged peak. Eerie blue light spilled over his body, revealing his true form for a flash.

    His face was covered in boils and riddled through like Swiss cheese—any skin untouched by decay was translucent and white. Beating his black wings, he turned toward the ground, zipping over the crowded bars on Sixth Street, before disappearing between a tightly spaced cluster of shops and hotels.

    At the edge of the brick maze, the demon landed on the dirty cement and transformed his appearance. All his horrid features vanished. His wings were gone. He stood in the alley as a handsome man, unblemished and tanned. The wind kicked up and sent leaves and trash swirling around the hem of his trench coat. When he took his first step, two tiny black flies slipped from beneath the cuff of his pants, fluttering into the bracken before disappearing from sight.

    He walked briskly, head down and shoulders hunched. Though no human could see him, though he could have walked straight through the vehicles trafficking the city, he waited at the stoplight, using the crosswalk to pass onto the Congress Bridge.

    The capitol building loomed in the near distance, already lit with spotlights that shone in the orange-tinted dusk. Just like any other evening, throngs of people packed against the stone railing as cars zoomed between them. They peered down at Town Lake, and searched up towards the faint stars materializing in the evening sky. A few huddles of humans had cameras draped around their necks while others pointed to the shuttle boats swaying on the waters.

    The demon marched past the tourists and the crowd came alive as wave upon wave of squeaking bats spewed into the air, rising up from beneath the bridge like thick smoke. Slowly, the bats formed a black, twittering river that snaked through the golden clouds.

    The click and flash of cameras commenced and an excited chatter mixed with the city sounds. The demon smirked and left the bridge behind, hurrying down the sidewalk until he slipped behind an old theater. He knelt next to a manhole and lifted the cap, tossing it aside. As it clanged against the alley floor, he fell gracefully into a dank corridor. His boots sloshed in the shallow puddles as he strolled through tunnels beneath the University of Texas.

He rounded a bend and slowed his pace as he neared a figure standing below a broken oil lamp, shrouded in darkness.

    The demon hissed in a hoarse voice. “What news from the Kingdom?”

    The shadowy figure pulled deep on a cigarette and puffed out a series of smoky rings. “The rumors are proving true. It appears there are survivors.”

    “Impossible,” the demon wheezed. “We’ve kept watch on the Legacy’s financial accounts ever since the Purge. There’ve been no transactions for nearly two decades.”

    “The survivors have not had access to the Legacy’s fortune. The boy insists his people have hidden five of their descendents in the human population. They’ve been living on the charity of the Texas foster care system, growing up without knowledge of our world or their heritage. I only became aware of this matter as of yesterday. It’s been a closely guarded secret until now.” He kicked aside a rat and sneered.

    “Are they close to finding them?”

    “No, but the search is narrowing. They seem to believe the girl will be retrieved in time to fulfill the prophecy.”

    A gurgled laugh passed through the demon’s lips and echoed loudly in the tunnel. “She will be but a child,” he scoffed. “They’re grasping for straws—straws that aren’t there. The Fourth of July is only days away. If the girl is found—if the prophecy is true and she finds herself alone and surrounded by her enemies—we will eliminate her. She will not escape.”

    The tip of the cigarette glowed red in the shadows. “The girl is one thing. If her death doesn’t take place before the prophesized event, we can finish her then. We should have killed the boy Angel that survived long ago. Every Fallen Angel left on this Earth must be Purged to insure our success. Perhaps Lucien would like me to see to this issue myself?”

    “You would suggest that we waste your valuable position within the Kingdom’s inner ranks?” The demon laughed. “No. They will all die sooner or later. Besides, it’s much too late for any of them to impact our forces. The game is about to begin and they’ll never make it to the field—they certainly won’t be allowed to participate.”

    The dark figure flicked his cigarette butt. It fell and sizzled in a shallow puddle at his feet. “You’re right—they can’t threaten us while they remain in the pathetic state that their lives have put them in.”

    The demon narrowed his gaze. “Never underestimate an Angel of God—no matter how pathetic they appear. At the first sign of risk, they must go. Keep in close communication and we will decide when—and if—the time comes to use you in the assassinations.” He paused and his menacing eyes twinkled with something like delight. His mouth twisted into a vicious grin, revealing crumbling teeth and gums that oozed yellow pus. The skin on his face paled, reverting to its true state of rot. His black wings faded into being behind him. “This will be a welcome change. I must say, I do love the thrill of a good hunt. Hunting humans is so easy. An Angel…an Angel is different. When these foster kids have been located, send word immediately. I will personally lead the demonic forces selected for this operation.”

     “It will be my pleasure.”


 

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MadHatter wrote 1253 days ago

Really like the start that I have read, a little confusing in places but that might be just me! I like the way you are leaving things out and not telling the whole story straight away adds so much more to the suspense! I also like the way Shayne starts out, not privelliged or anything.
The cover is lovley as well, I like the way the angel isn't entirley easy to see.

Farrold Saxon wrote 1260 days ago

This is a long way from my preferred genres, but your writing style is original, concise and exciting. Even the prologue is engaging. Five stars from me.

Farrold Saxon (Where-Stand-All)

SusieGulick wrote 1261 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Candace! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to make sure that I had ****** 'd your book :) - could you please make sure you've ****** 'd mine, too? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because I am 14 from the top of the editor's desk & every ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer. :) Love, Susie :)

hillybilly wrote 1261 days ago

Hey Candace. So I read your book. All the way through...haha...doesn't happen often. I love the action scenes...the big car chase was awesome. I liked all your characters, especially Cash. I'm usually not into love triangles, but the Shayne-David-Phinn thing was sort of twisted and interesting. The end with the whole fourth of july on the lake battle it out...seriously, that should be in a movie. I can't believe the last line of the book. Best last line ever. Have you written the sequel yet? so cool. I'll back you and I give you ten thumbs up.

Aidan2002 wrote 1261 days ago

This shows promise,yet in its narration is missing something vital in creating a truly dark atmosphere. Showing more would put the reader more into the pages bringing out a more menacing feel. Also watch your choice of words. Black wings faded into being. Faded means dissapearing, try Shimmered. I hope this helps. In no way am I an expert so disregard my comments if you wish. Best of luck Aidan.

SusieGulick wrote 1262 days ago

Dear Candace, I love that as I read your pitch, I thought of, "we wrestle not against flesh & blood, but against principalities..." Eph. 6:12, & then, I read your verse before your prologue & it was the same one. :) I smiled ear to ear & told my husband, "right one!" :) Isn't Jesus amazing? :) I am so thankful that your book is complete because most on authonomy aren't & it's hard to comment on "incomplete" books, so I smiled again, when I saw "complete." And what an ending: "doomed." :) Lucien was an excellent name, too. :) I have read & commented on your book & put it on my watchlist to back when I get space on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd you book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because every ****** 'ing & backing moves us closer to the editor's desk. :) Love, Susie :)

blueboy wrote 1262 days ago

You need a more active voice in your prologue. Writing it from the demon’s perspective would make it more sinister and impactful. Narrating it so completely, as you do, makes the whole affair a bit too melodramatic for true demonic-ness. lol and ultimately gives a rather detached feeling to the read.

Chapter one and two are rather interesting, and kept me reading--however, I noticed that you tend to use too many adjectives. Work on your intuition for what needs to be there to push your plot forward, and what does not. As I’m sure you know, a publisher will only give you so many words to tell your story in --don’t waste them on details that can be insinuated into the narrative. Write as economically as possible for flow and to save you count. For example, just say “I pushed the curtain back.”

“I lifted my left hand” does two things you should try to avoid. First, it dissects your scenes down. Try to think of your scenes more holistically. This will make the read less choppy and save on your word count. You should not dissect your scenes down to the mechanics of each individual body movement because this is going to prove way to tedious, and makes the read choppy. Say what the character is doing and let the reader imagine the moti0ns of the body. Don’t try to describe everything your character does. Also, this example shows details that are not needed: “left” is not needed here unless it is intrinsic to the plot. I other words, unless it is really going to be critical to the story later on that it was specifically the” left’ hand and not the “right” hand, then it really does not matter which hand the character used to move the curtain. See what I mean. A combination of unneeded details and dissecting your scenes can make for an awkward read if left to run amok. So be mindful of it. All and all, a very promising read. I loved you story, and the character building. Loved it, and I hope this feedback is helpful to you.

Please read some of my book then you have time and let me know what you think.


blueboy

SusieGulick wrote 1262 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 8 hours later :)

abipenfold wrote 1262 days ago

fallen angels,
this is very good. i have a feeling that this will go very far on this website. you've captivated me on the synopsis and chapter one so far, so i will have to read lots more when i get more time. backed with pleasure.
congrats,
abi

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