Book Jacket

 

rank 2671
word count 119149
date submitted 08.11.2010
date updated 08.11.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Fantasy, Young A...
classification: universal
complete

FALLEN ANGELS

Candace Isenhwoer

Orphans, reaching 18, manifest powers and discover they are the last remnant of the Legacy of Fallen Angels created at the beginning of time.

 

Six orphans, reaching the age of eighteen, begin to manifest powers and discover they are the last remnant of the Legacy of Fallen Angels created at the beginning of time. With the world on the brink of Armaggedon, and their lives on the line, they must navigate a supernatural world of underground cities, fight against Legions of Black Angels, battle armies of Demons of Shadow, join forces with vampires, and eventually save the world. In the midst of the darkness, they find that light still shines, love is still possible, and dreams can mean everything.

 
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tags

adventure, angels, antichrist, armaggedon, battles, darkness, demons, dreams, evil, fallen angels, fantasy, good, horror, light, love, love triangle, ...

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Chapter Nine

 

I wasn’t so scared now that the night had faded away. No more whispers had shown up to chase me. No boogie monsters appeared to attack me. Inside my hotel room, I was starting to feel normal and safe. I glanced at the clock. It was eight AM.

    Experiencing a rush of uneasy calm, I padded across the carpet and perched on the edge of the bed, pulling my knees to my chest as I wondered what to do next.

    I certainly felt less crazy. I couldn’t just sit here inside my hotel room. I had to do something. I jumped from the bed and pulled my parents’ photo from beneath the mattress. Hurrying through the living room, I reached the kitchen counter and folded up my letter, stuffing my most treasured positions into my bra. The holes in my jean pockets had seemed to have grown during the night. I would trust them no longer.

    Moving into the living room, I reached the window and pulled back the heavy drapery, flooding the suite with bright sunlight. I instantly felt better when the darkness was chased away. I scanned the landscape and searched busy city streets. People were starting their day, going about their business. Maybe I should do the same. My stomach rumbled like a growling animal and sent me rifling through the kitchen. Finding every cabinet bare and dusty, I was about to give up when I discovered a single bag of popcorn inside the microwave. As the kernels exploded, the smell of hot butter filled my nose, and the moment the timer went off I was ripping into the paper bag and stuffing my face.

    Plopping down at the table, my mind began to wander back to my mother’s letter. She had spoken of strange things happening to me and I wondered if she meant that I might start hearing voices.

    Did she hear them, too? Was schizophrenia genetic?

    With a firm shake of my head, I abandoned that line of thinking. It would lead to too many questions that could never be answered. It was just too painful to think about my parents. They were gone and nothing could change that. I’d follow my mother’s advice and buy a very safe-looking house and lock it down like a fortress. I’d stay indoors when the sun went down. Both of these ideas suddenly had a great deal of appeal.

In the meantime, while I waited on the real estate agent to show up, I’d go shopping.

    Rich, rich, rich! I was filthy rich.

I latched on to this bliss-rendering thought and headed out the door of my hotel suite.

 

 

Outside in the sultry breeze, I spotted my car wedged against a tree. I smiled just seeing it.

    If only I could have driven this to school. The snobby witches who ruled my high school would have fainted in the parking lot at the sight of it. Immediately, I brushed the memories of their pouty little faces out of my mind. Hadn’t they tormented me enough? Didn’t I swear that I would never think of their bittersweet existence again?

    Sighing remorsefully, I passed around the rear end of the car, heading for the driver’s side door. My eyes were drawn to a small dent on the rear bumper that was accompanied by streaks of black paint.

    Crap!

    I crouched down and took my t-shirt to the paint streaks, wiping most of it clean until only the dent remained. I sat back on my heels, frowning.

    I’d have to call Ruby. I’d have to tell her about the motorcycle incident. That was going to be embarrassing. Worse, it was like admitting to a crime. For a moment, I wondered if I could be arrested. Did I just do something that constituted a hit-and-run? Maybe I could just…I could hire a private investigator to find the bike owner and give him like…an apology letter and a million dollars.

    And then I started wondering if that was illegal. I rubbed my face. This must be why lawyers exist in the first place.

    I decided to deal with that later and drove a ways to the nearest mall—well, it was more like an oversized shopping center—and parked in the lot, turning off the ignition. As soon as I slipped outside, I felt a cold sweat spread across my forehead and I jumped back into the safety of the car, trying to control a sudden wave of hysteria. I steadied myself over the course of a few minutes, grinding my teeth a little harshly, and finally stepped back into the blinding sun.

    If my mother knew I was going to start hearing these whispers, well, I wasn’t going to fear them. I was going to do as she told me. At least, I was going to try.

    I bit my lip to ward off the onslaught of nerves flowing through my body and made my way to the mall entrance. As I neared the edge of the parking lot, the voices began to surround me, to taunt me, like the hisses of snakes. The volume seemed to rise and fall with the movement.

    I was shaking now. This was loony-bin stuff.

    I stopped in my tracks and searched for the source of the whispers. Every muscle in my body was rigid and I felt myself shrinking smaller and smaller, as if I was disappearing into an icy tunnel.

    My feet felt heavy, but I forced them to move forward. As the sliding glass doors opened before me, revealing a bustle of mall activity, the volume whooshed down upon me like a bird swooping on its prey.

    I covered my ears to block out the sound. Panic still rising, I whirled and made a run for it, darting my eyes around the lot, expecting to see some kind of monster reveal himself at any moment. Suddenly, the dark spaces between the parked cars looked like snake holes.

    As I neared my Audi, an eerie silence returned. I slowed to a jog and then stopped at the rear bumper of my convertible and spun around panting to face the mall.

    I stretched my ears towards the silence. My eyes twitched to a group of black crows pecking softly against the concrete, chipping away at a handful of old French fries spilling from a crumpled bag.

    A quick succession of ticking sounds caused me to draw a sharp breath, only to exhale when I realized the ticking was coming from a car, devoid of its owner, the engine cooling in the heat.

    I swallowed and clenched my fists at my side. I briefly considered marching back to the mall. I wasn’t scared of stupid words. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me, right? I shook myself. It took another ten seconds for me to chicken out. I slipped inside the car, peeling out of the lot.

    This time I didn’t hit any motorcycles, so that was an improvement.

 

Chapters

10

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MadHatter wrote 1250 days ago

Really like the start that I have read, a little confusing in places but that might be just me! I like the way you are leaving things out and not telling the whole story straight away adds so much more to the suspense! I also like the way Shayne starts out, not privelliged or anything.
The cover is lovley as well, I like the way the angel isn't entirley easy to see.

Farrold Saxon wrote 1256 days ago

This is a long way from my preferred genres, but your writing style is original, concise and exciting. Even the prologue is engaging. Five stars from me.

Farrold Saxon (Where-Stand-All)

SusieGulick wrote 1257 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Candace! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to make sure that I had ****** 'd your book :) - could you please make sure you've ****** 'd mine, too? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because I am 14 from the top of the editor's desk & every ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer. :) Love, Susie :)

hillybilly wrote 1258 days ago

Hey Candace. So I read your book. All the way through...haha...doesn't happen often. I love the action scenes...the big car chase was awesome. I liked all your characters, especially Cash. I'm usually not into love triangles, but the Shayne-David-Phinn thing was sort of twisted and interesting. The end with the whole fourth of july on the lake battle it out...seriously, that should be in a movie. I can't believe the last line of the book. Best last line ever. Have you written the sequel yet? so cool. I'll back you and I give you ten thumbs up.

Aidan2002 wrote 1258 days ago

This shows promise,yet in its narration is missing something vital in creating a truly dark atmosphere. Showing more would put the reader more into the pages bringing out a more menacing feel. Also watch your choice of words. Black wings faded into being. Faded means dissapearing, try Shimmered. I hope this helps. In no way am I an expert so disregard my comments if you wish. Best of luck Aidan.

SusieGulick wrote 1258 days ago

Dear Candace, I love that as I read your pitch, I thought of, "we wrestle not against flesh & blood, but against principalities..." Eph. 6:12, & then, I read your verse before your prologue & it was the same one. :) I smiled ear to ear & told my husband, "right one!" :) Isn't Jesus amazing? :) I am so thankful that your book is complete because most on authonomy aren't & it's hard to comment on "incomplete" books, so I smiled again, when I saw "complete." And what an ending: "doomed." :) Lucien was an excellent name, too. :) I have read & commented on your book & put it on my watchlist to back when I get space on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd you book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because every ****** 'ing & backing moves us closer to the editor's desk. :) Love, Susie :)

blueboy wrote 1259 days ago

You need a more active voice in your prologue. Writing it from the demon’s perspective would make it more sinister and impactful. Narrating it so completely, as you do, makes the whole affair a bit too melodramatic for true demonic-ness. lol and ultimately gives a rather detached feeling to the read.

Chapter one and two are rather interesting, and kept me reading--however, I noticed that you tend to use too many adjectives. Work on your intuition for what needs to be there to push your plot forward, and what does not. As I’m sure you know, a publisher will only give you so many words to tell your story in --don’t waste them on details that can be insinuated into the narrative. Write as economically as possible for flow and to save you count. For example, just say “I pushed the curtain back.”

“I lifted my left hand” does two things you should try to avoid. First, it dissects your scenes down. Try to think of your scenes more holistically. This will make the read less choppy and save on your word count. You should not dissect your scenes down to the mechanics of each individual body movement because this is going to prove way to tedious, and makes the read choppy. Say what the character is doing and let the reader imagine the moti0ns of the body. Don’t try to describe everything your character does. Also, this example shows details that are not needed: “left” is not needed here unless it is intrinsic to the plot. I other words, unless it is really going to be critical to the story later on that it was specifically the” left’ hand and not the “right” hand, then it really does not matter which hand the character used to move the curtain. See what I mean. A combination of unneeded details and dissecting your scenes can make for an awkward read if left to run amok. So be mindful of it. All and all, a very promising read. I loved you story, and the character building. Loved it, and I hope this feedback is helpful to you.

Please read some of my book then you have time and let me know what you think.


blueboy

SusieGulick wrote 1259 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 8 hours later :)

abipenfold wrote 1259 days ago

fallen angels,
this is very good. i have a feeling that this will go very far on this website. you've captivated me on the synopsis and chapter one so far, so i will have to read lots more when i get more time. backed with pleasure.
congrats,
abi

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