Book Jacket

 

rank 2681
word count 119149
date submitted 08.11.2010
date updated 08.11.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Fantasy, Young A...
classification: universal
complete

FALLEN ANGELS

Candace Isenhwoer

Orphans, reaching 18, manifest powers and discover they are the last remnant of the Legacy of Fallen Angels created at the beginning of time.

 

Six orphans, reaching the age of eighteen, begin to manifest powers and discover they are the last remnant of the Legacy of Fallen Angels created at the beginning of time. With the world on the brink of Armaggedon, and their lives on the line, they must navigate a supernatural world of underground cities, fight against Legions of Black Angels, battle armies of Demons of Shadow, join forces with vampires, and eventually save the world. In the midst of the darkness, they find that light still shines, love is still possible, and dreams can mean everything.

 
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tags

adventure, angels, antichrist, armaggedon, battles, darkness, demons, dreams, evil, fallen angels, fantasy, good, horror, light, love, love triangle, ...

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41

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Chapter Forty

 

Phinneas perched atop the rocky cliff above the midnight blue waters of Lake Travis. He lifted a set of binoculars and surveyed the restaurant and multi-leveled party decks floating against the opposite bank. Using the night-vision setting on his binoculars he patiently combed through the faces of the crowd until he found her.

“Cyrus,” he commanded in a subdued voice, “take the girl.”

Phinneas passed off his binoculars to the Vampire at his side and touched off the ground. He took a quick flight through the fluffy tops of the trees that covered the rolling hill country. Every ten feet he was saluted by a pair of Vampires dressed in black, standing obscured in the brush or hidden among the jagged peaks of the limestone hills. He sighted Joshua across the waters of Devil’s Cove and landed next to him.

“Do you find the positioning satisfactory?” Joshua raised one eyebrow in question. Phinneas motioned away a Vampire hidden in the trees and waited until they were alone.

When Phinn spoke his voice was so faint that only a Vampire could hear it. “If Black City Vampires are roaming the hill country, they are doing so in stealth. This concerns me the most. I don’t like an enemy I can’t see.” Phinneas squinted across the lake. “What I find rather alarming is the bewildering absence of a demon presence. Look around us. Not one demon has come. They wouldn’t miss a chance to watch a Vampire battle. Besides, this is a place of drunkenness and debauchery. Demons of Shadow would find it irresistible, a fertile playing ground to wreak their madness. And yet, no demon has come to join the festivities.”

Phinneas turned to peer down into Devil’s Cove. The dark waters were covered by boats and yachts crammed against one another, spaced from hill to hill, spilling out the neck of the cove. Not even a pass way was left. Every watercraft floating in the waters of the cove was trapped and sealed inside. Topless women danced on the roofs of the boats surrounded by half-naked men who drooled at their feet. People jumped from boat to boat with ease, carrying beer bottles as they howled like dogs spotting a female in heat.

“Seems like fun to me,” Joshua grinned, eyeing a lanky woman who was draped across a man’s shoulder as they disappeared into a cabin.

Phinneas gave him a mild look of reprimand.

Joshua turned and scrutinized Phinn. “I’ve noticed something different about you.”

Phinn narrowed his eyes to slits.

Joshua’s smile hinted at apprehension before proceeding. “You seem….involved.”

“What do you mean by this?”

Joshua shrugged his shoulders and shifted his weight onto his left leg. “This doesn’t seem like business as usual for you. There is an emotion present in your demeanor. Is it the girl?”

“She is interesting, as she should be. She is the first mortal woman any of us has interacted with in over a thousand years. I feel no emotion for her outside the allure of her blood and body—it’s nothing new, only lust. Surely, I’m not the only Vampire in the vicinity that is challenged in her presence. I’m not the only one tracking her scent, powerless to do nothing else. Tell me you don’t struggle the same way that I do and I’ll tell you that you’re lying.” Phinn replied in a voice laced with defiance.

Joshua raised an eyebrow.

Phinneas dismissed him with a sharp wave of the hand. “I’m on top of my urges. They’re under control. Don’t speak to me of this again.”

Joshua nodded obediently and turned away from him to continue staring across the waters. “What of the traitor?”

“Charles found an anomaly in the communication records. From inside the Kingdom, three calls were placed in the days leading up to the attacks from a phone not registered to our master list. We traced them to a pre-paid phone purchased through a CVS chain in San Marcus. We’re no closer to discovering our betrayer than we were when we discovered we had one. We’ll have to wait for him to make another move. When I sniff him out, I’ll take a front row seat to his execution. I can’t deny I will enjoy watching his skin melt to ash.”

Joshua gave a sympathetic grunt.

“Keep an eye out. I want to be informed the moment a Black City Vampire comes out in the open. And notify me when you spot a demon,” Phinn ordered crisply, his eyes sweeping the sky.

“You mean if I spot one. I would have thought we’d have seen twenty or thirty by now,” Joshua said as he began to chew on a long blade of grass. He watched Phinneas leave and pulled a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He lit it on fire and took a drag, releasing the smoke in a collection of vaporous circles.


 

 

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MadHatter wrote 1254 days ago

Really like the start that I have read, a little confusing in places but that might be just me! I like the way you are leaving things out and not telling the whole story straight away adds so much more to the suspense! I also like the way Shayne starts out, not privelliged or anything.
The cover is lovley as well, I like the way the angel isn't entirley easy to see.

Farrold Saxon wrote 1261 days ago

This is a long way from my preferred genres, but your writing style is original, concise and exciting. Even the prologue is engaging. Five stars from me.

Farrold Saxon (Where-Stand-All)

SusieGulick wrote 1262 days ago

You are totally fantastic, Candace! :) How can I ever thank you enough for backing my memoirs book? :)
God bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I just looked to make sure that I had ****** 'd your book :) - could you please make sure you've ****** 'd mine, too? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because I am 14 from the top of the editor's desk & every ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer. :) Love, Susie :)

hillybilly wrote 1262 days ago

Hey Candace. So I read your book. All the way through...haha...doesn't happen often. I love the action scenes...the big car chase was awesome. I liked all your characters, especially Cash. I'm usually not into love triangles, but the Shayne-David-Phinn thing was sort of twisted and interesting. The end with the whole fourth of july on the lake battle it out...seriously, that should be in a movie. I can't believe the last line of the book. Best last line ever. Have you written the sequel yet? so cool. I'll back you and I give you ten thumbs up.

Aidan2002 wrote 1262 days ago

This shows promise,yet in its narration is missing something vital in creating a truly dark atmosphere. Showing more would put the reader more into the pages bringing out a more menacing feel. Also watch your choice of words. Black wings faded into being. Faded means dissapearing, try Shimmered. I hope this helps. In no way am I an expert so disregard my comments if you wish. Best of luck Aidan.

SusieGulick wrote 1262 days ago

Dear Candace, I love that as I read your pitch, I thought of, "we wrestle not against flesh & blood, but against principalities..." Eph. 6:12, & then, I read your verse before your prologue & it was the same one. :) I smiled ear to ear & told my husband, "right one!" :) Isn't Jesus amazing? :) I am so thankful that your book is complete because most on authonomy aren't & it's hard to comment on "incomplete" books, so I smiled again, when I saw "complete." And what an ending: "doomed." :) Lucien was an excellent name, too. :) I have read & commented on your book & put it on my watchlist to back when I get space on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd you book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart, because every ****** 'ing & backing moves us closer to the editor's desk. :) Love, Susie :)

blueboy wrote 1263 days ago

You need a more active voice in your prologue. Writing it from the demon’s perspective would make it more sinister and impactful. Narrating it so completely, as you do, makes the whole affair a bit too melodramatic for true demonic-ness. lol and ultimately gives a rather detached feeling to the read.

Chapter one and two are rather interesting, and kept me reading--however, I noticed that you tend to use too many adjectives. Work on your intuition for what needs to be there to push your plot forward, and what does not. As I’m sure you know, a publisher will only give you so many words to tell your story in --don’t waste them on details that can be insinuated into the narrative. Write as economically as possible for flow and to save you count. For example, just say “I pushed the curtain back.”

“I lifted my left hand” does two things you should try to avoid. First, it dissects your scenes down. Try to think of your scenes more holistically. This will make the read less choppy and save on your word count. You should not dissect your scenes down to the mechanics of each individual body movement because this is going to prove way to tedious, and makes the read choppy. Say what the character is doing and let the reader imagine the moti0ns of the body. Don’t try to describe everything your character does. Also, this example shows details that are not needed: “left” is not needed here unless it is intrinsic to the plot. I other words, unless it is really going to be critical to the story later on that it was specifically the” left’ hand and not the “right” hand, then it really does not matter which hand the character used to move the curtain. See what I mean. A combination of unneeded details and dissecting your scenes can make for an awkward read if left to run amok. So be mindful of it. All and all, a very promising read. I loved you story, and the character building. Loved it, and I hope this feedback is helpful to you.

Please read some of my book then you have time and let me know what you think.


blueboy

SusieGulick wrote 1263 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 8 hours later :)

abipenfold wrote 1263 days ago

fallen angels,
this is very good. i have a feeling that this will go very far on this website. you've captivated me on the synopsis and chapter one so far, so i will have to read lots more when i get more time. backed with pleasure.
congrats,
abi

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