Book Jacket

 

rank 5918
word count 13228
date submitted 11.11.2010
date updated 11.11.2010
genres: Fiction, Fantasy, Young Adult
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Light Chronicles

By Britt Ludington

Will only wanted to fit in. Sadly she couldn't compare to any other teen.

 

Willow Crosswick always knew she was different. Her mother reassured her that being different was never a bad thing. But Will wasn't so sure. Will was different. She was like any other teenager except that she went to a school where the unnatural existed. Along with school were the almost uncanny abilities she had. Will saw things normal people didn't. A lot of people stayed away from her. They all thought she was some crazy chick that was better off in an Asylum. But maybe... just maybe... it's not so bad being crazy. The light never seemed so inviting before....

 
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tags

ghosts, paranormal, supernatural, teen

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10 comments

 

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Britt Ludington wrote 1202 days ago

i don't believe that "smiled evilly" works

It would be best if you showed some delay between the call for AAA and their appearance, remember its a barren wasteland.

I believe that "Willow glared at her mothers fiery red hair" as it's not entirely clear if Willow or the mother is so endowed.

+ point, i like the banter and its certianly heading in the right direction



Hi,

Thanks for the help. I will look it over when I get the chance. I do agree that the AAA should take a while to get there. It's " Willow glared at her mother. Her(meaning Willows) fiery red hair..."

Thanks for all the encouragement.
Britt

Pretzki wrote 1230 days ago

i don't believe that "smiled evilly" works

It would be best if you showed some delay between the call for AAA and their appearance, remember its a barren wasteland.

I believe that "Willow glared at her mothers fiery red hair" as it's not entirely clear if Willow or the mother is so endowed.

+ point, i like the banter and its certianly heading in the right direction

Farrold Saxon wrote 1258 days ago

This is a promising work - a few missed words and minor errors that will be easy to tidy up - (shriek yell vs shrill yell or just shriek) As you say, this is a draft/work in progress. A little more detail, such as what model of 1968 station wagon, would give that touch more grounding for the story. You give us visual imagery consistently. Perhaps this could be balanced with a bit more tactile, olfactory, aural.

A warm welcome to Authonomy and I look forward to seeing how you work up your story.

Farrold Saxon. (Where-Stand-All - also a work in progress)

Andrew Burans wrote 1258 days ago

Your fantasy for young adults is well written and you have created a most memorable main character in Will. The dialogue is solid and realistic and the pace of your story flows well. Your intended audience should enjoy this book. I have given you a high star rating.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

SusieGulick wrote 1258 days ago

Dear Britt, I love that your pitch was so concise to prepare me for Willow's problems & solutions. :) Tight paragraphs & dialogue brought me quickly through chapter 5. :) I smiled when Lucas brushed her hand & she felt her heart melt :) - that made me smile & brought tears. ;( Ah, to have all of those days again (I'm 70 with an abusive husband) ;( - but I pray a lot & God has given me a lot of friends. :) I was happy for Will that she had Casey. :) Great write!! :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist to back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book in return? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ****** 'ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :)

Cat091971 wrote 1259 days ago

Willow is a bit harsh, even for a teen. A few typos. May need to look at re-structuring a few sentences, but other than that, an interesting read. Backed and rated.

Cat
"Twisted"
"Lies & Love"

Pedro Gonzales wrote 1259 days ago

You say it is a rough draft, but well done for posting it. Very clear and with a sense of place.

celticwriter wrote 1259 days ago

Hi Britt, love your opening chapter. Very visual. I'm just a mere scriptwriter jumping into the ocean of novel writing for the first time, so I'm not much of a critic, however I can spot a terrific journey - and you've started a pretty good one. Dialogue is crisp, swift, and altogether believable. Happily backed! (I lived in Nevada for awhile, your location visuals seem pretty okay to me!) :-)

blessings,
Jim
jack & charmian london

djinnia wrote 1259 days ago

interesting. being from nevada, i was waiting to see exactly where you placed your town in the state, but in the five chapters, i didn't have a sense of location. as to the story, willow is a little unsympathetic as a MC.

depending how big you imagine your town, twenty minutes for a pizza is wishful thinking. in my town of 1000 people give or take, it takes from 30-40 minutes. =D maybe if it's reno or vegas or maybe even fallon you can get a twenty minute pizza.

other than that, it's a good read.

me

SusieGulick wrote 1259 days ago

:) comment to follow after I've read your book - read & commented on 13 hours later :)

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