Book Jacket

 

rank 5873
word count 46267
date submitted 30.11.2010
date updated 11.04.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Science ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Tower of Babel

G. T. Anders

Art-making and substance abuse typically go hand-in-hand, yes? But Austin's "substance" is not your run-of-the-mill drug, and his results defy explanation.

 

Austin Feckidee has struggled for three years to make his way as a sculptor. Grant money is running out, and there's nothing to show for the long hours spent in the craft. A trip to stimulate his mind has the desired effect, but upon returning, he finds two letters delivered in his absence. One promises carnal pleasures with his lover of the hour; the other begs him to return to a mysterious project abandoned at wits' end three years ago.

His choice sets off an unstoppable ascent to the pinnacle of genius. Again and again he must test himself to the limits of his unique capacities, driving forwards a task which may be far above his head.

It all starts with a leaf... a simple, harmless leaf.

That leaf will test Austin to his depths. If he survives, it may just show him who he really is.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

on 3 watchlists

11 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

21

report abuse

TWENTY

Shouting.

A crowd was blocking the sidewalk ahead, jostling for the door of a sandwich shop, raising voices and lifting cameras and pointing microphones—and when the door opened, a woman with a lime-yellow coat and matching hat— 

Jessica.

Down the sidewalk in a bright corridor of sun, in a bright rush. Broadcast truck vomiting people onto the curb. Voices clamoring—

“Ms. Angronista! Ms. Angronista!”

“When will Mr. Feckidee have another piece?”

“How does he do it?”

“Interview! Interview!”

She fought through. “Taxi!” They grabbed, she beat back, he fought and grabbed her. “Good lord—” she was in his arms and he lunged in for a kiss—“Idiot! Get off me!” She yanked him to the curb. “Taxi!”

They knew his face. They came in a wave.

“Mr. Feckidee! How do you—”

“What’s your secret?”

“Exclusive—”

A taxi rolled up and Jessica threw the door open. Crash, they fell in, slammed it as the reporters piled against the car.

“Steele Pointe Apartments! Don’t let the press follow us!”

“Yes ma’am!”

Breathless, she turned to Austin. “I’m sorry I pulled away out there. I didn’t mean it. It’s just—” she dragged him close and whispered in his ear. “We can’t be seen as a couple in public.”

“Oh?” Still too dazed to care.

“Sh! We both have personas to maintain, Austin. I’ve gone and told the world that I’m your official agent. I know I’m not—and you should find one, a good one—”

“No, no,” he said, grinning. “It’s official! I name you my official agent. Officially.” He kissed her playfully.

“Stop it!”—a slap and a shove. “Don’t be an idiot. This is serious.” She dropped her voice again, but the cabby’s radio was plenty loud. “They think I’m your agent. We have to keep up the appearance of not being a couple for as long as possible.”

“I don’t understand why you keep whispering.”

“Because if anyone—”

“Nonsense!”—stuck his head out the window—“Hello, world! Your attention, please: Jessica Angronista is my official agent, and I can have her whenever I want!”

“Shut up!” She yanked him back into the car. He could feel his stupid grin. “This is business, Austin. If we play this right, we can make far more than we already have. I’ve done a lot for you over the last few days. Did you see that crowd of reporters? They recognized me, and then you, because I’ve been giving interviews left and right. I built you up big time in that magazine article. Now I’ve gone and said that I’m your agent. If word gets out about our relationship, they’ll think all the promotion I’ve done is shameless self-interest on my part.”

“What else is it?”—snorted, giggled—fame making him giddy.

Her eyes blazed, but she closed the plastic window separating them from the driver and turned back in the privacy with a new and placid face. “Here’s the story. I, as an art critic, discovered your work and fell in love with it for its intrinsic merit. I wrote a glowing review, since that’s my job with the Modern Enquirer. Reynolds read it of course. After I did a little more PR for you—just answering inquiries directed at me, not broadcasting on my own initiative—you were so pleased with my success that you hired me on as your agent, as the head of your public relations people.”

“But I don’t have public relations people.”

“Will you stop acting like a child!” End of the placid face. “Just play my game even if you don’t get it. You’ll thank me when the checks start rolling in. I want you to capitalize on everything that’s coming your way. Do you see what I’m saying?”

“Yes, I do,” he said seriously.

“Do you understand the official story?” Eyes wide with motherly instruction.

“Yes. I saw how good you were at promoting me, so I hired you as my agent.”

“Right.”

“Jess, wait… what about your old job with the magazine?”

“I told them to place me on leave or fire me—that my job as your agent would be taking up all my time.”

“What?!”

“Don’t be ridiculous. They’ll beg me to come back. What could give an art critic more prestige than discovering the greatest artist of the age? No, I can work for any publication I choose now.”

“Jessica, you can’t just walk away from a good—”

“You are an absolute idiot! Neither of us will ever have to work again.”

And he saw through the drunken glow. She was riding him for unimaginable millions. And he was letting it happen. But she had catapulted him to fame with that article, and evidently she had done a lot for him since he had last seen her. Speaking of which, the great thing was that she had left first this time, and she had no idea that he had been gone…

But she had been working hard, and she deserved a reward. Anyway, the amounts were all the same. It was just money in his pocket—play money flowing in and out with breezy simplicity. He would throw away millions for anyone he liked; he didn’t care. Besides, she adored him, and he could have her whenever he wanted. For now, he would give her whatever it took to maintain that glowing worship.

 

A musty familiarity flowed out of the unlocked swung-back apartment door. The sun hanging on the wasteland’s edge (and on the windowsill) cast a shadow from the tower that must have reached almost to Steele Pointe in diffusion. On either side, the apartment air glowed ghastly orange and strangely empty.

“Jessica, where’s your stuff?”

“Oh God… it’s been a whirlwind. I lost everything on one of the flights, or maybe in the airport.”

“Jess!”

“I wouldn’t trade it for anything, Austin.” She beamed in the dull sunset. “I live for this.”

He squirmed inside.  “Well… we’ll get you more clothes…”

“Tomorrow. I’m way too tired.”

“Right. You can wear some of my pajamas.”

“You actually have clean pajamas?” she laughed, punching him.

They made simple sandwiches and sat down at the table. Now the sun had set and the apartment’s vision of emptiness was a thought only, and the wasteland, too, hid its desolation with a twilit panorama that overflowed the drawn-back curtains.

“Did you start on the museum commission yet?”

“No.”

“What were you doing?” she laughed. “You had two full days!”

He shrugged. “I’ll start it… soon.”

“Did they give you a timetable?”

“Not that I know of.”

She shook her head. “You should be able to give me a definite answer! Did you even read the paperwork?”

“Some of it. I don’t have a copy yet.”

“What?!”

“It’s probably waiting for me down in the mail room.”

“You artists,” she sighed. “Oh!” Leaning forwards. “I got… let’s see… five or six new commission offers.” Her eyes glittered. “I told them that all offers would have to be made in writing. In fact, you probably have some waiting in your mailbox right now. I’ve been giving out this address as being my agency office.”

He shot her a puzzled glance but didn’t pursue it. If she hadn’t thought about the fact that 16 Parker Avenue, apartment 1158 was clearly a residential address, he wasn’t about to bring it up.

“It’s just simpler that way,” she went on. “People think they’re sending mail to your agent, but in reality it’s coming straight to you.”

He frowned. “Will they let me open your mail?”

She shrugged. “Who cares? We’ll go get it together and you’ll open it in private. You really are a child.”

 

There were several pieces of mail addressed to Jessica, as well as an envelope from the Museum of Modern Art. This and Jessica’s mail were marked rush post.

Austin handed her envelopes to her as they came back into the apartment. “Here, you’d better open these.”

“Austin, they’re for you! I know they are!”

“They’re addressed to you. I can’t open them.”

“Austin.” On the verge of annoyance again. “I’m your girlfriend. I hereby authorize you to open my mail.”

He shrugged and opened his envelope from the museum as they sat down at the table.

“What did they send you?” she asked as she began openings hers.

“The commission document. They said they would rush it to me.” Silent, reading.

“Let me see it when you’re done.”

He looked up. “What did you get?”

“All commission offers for you, like I said.”

“Oh.” He handed her the document from the museum. “Can I see those?”

“I thought you couldn’t read my mail!” 

He took the three letters from her: all commission offers from various institutions, with proposed compensation laughably insignificant. He tossed the letters on the table without reading them.

“Oh, Austin!”

“Mm?”

“This is good. This is really good. Of course they can’t pay you as much as Reynolds—they’re a public institution. But this is the best thing that could have happened to you after Reynolds. He’ll introduce your work to the art world, but the museum will introduce it to the people.” Her beaming smile. “You’re in a good place, Austin.”

“Excellent.” He shrugged.

“Do you care?”

“About what?”

“Anything.”

“Some things.”

“You don’t care about this commission, and you should. You can’t fail now, Austin!”

“Good lord! No one said anything about failure.”

“But you seem—”

“Listen. I don’t like kissing up to people, and that’s what I’m doing by accepting the commission from the museum.”

“Oh my God!”—tossed the paper on the table, squeezed her face in her hands—“You are an ass.” She looked up. “What about those other three commissions?”

“Oh… low bids.”

“Really!” She picked the letters up again and scanned them. “Huh. Do they realize what league they’re playing in?”

“Apparently not.”

“Are you going to accept them?”

“I don’t know. I have to do something for that museum commission first. I can’t really commit to anything else.”

“Of course you can!” she snorted. “You could take some of your drug, go in there right now, and bust out four pieces in half an hour! I know these offers are bad, but don’t think about the money; think about the exposure.”

“It’s not the money. I don’t care about that.”

“Austin, I know what it is: you don’t trust yourself.”

A sharp glance. “What?”

“You don’t trust yourself. Sorry, it’s true.”

He frowned.

“You need a self-confidence boost. And besides, I’ve been thinking: you have at least two more commissions coming for sure, probably three more—and that was just over the last few days. Those are the ones I demanded in writing. Austin, we should put on an art show. We can broadcast it to the world; we have the platform now. But we’ll select the guests to keep things manageable—you know, we’ll hire security and all that. We can get all these nobodies together in one room with some wine and hors d’oeuvres and let them fight it out. Oh, and they’ll fight, with your art on display.”

He couldn’t help but smile. “You’re good, Jess. You’re good. I’m not. See, that’s why I need you. Hell, I don’t even have to mess with that museum com—”

“Don’t be an imbecile! You already signed!”—shaking the papers in his face—“You owe them art. I bet they’re already wiring you the first payment.”

“Er…”

“You need to grow up, Austin. This is the real world; this is real life. I know they probably told you a lot about it—what it would be like, what you would have to do to make it work. Well, guess what: this is it. So stop acting like a child. Grow up and start taking care of yourself.”

He looked away thoughtfully.

“Austin—”

“An art show?” He grinned at her. “I like it.”

 

Chapters

21

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Cariad wrote 731 days ago

Hi. This is a BHG crt.

I've read everything you posted, and will say first that I think it's an intriguing read. Stylistic, a little aware of itself. I think you're aiming for a certain vibe and the writing reflects this, but that this could possibly work against it a little. Here's my thoughts, as they occurred to me as I read - instant reader reaction as it were, rather than a retrospective. You can take my thoughts as those of just this on reader of course. That's always the case.

Pitch: Short Pitch is ok, but I didn't like the ? My instant reaction to the question posed was 'actually, no.' which means that you have created a negative right off. The 'substance' intrigued me though.

Long Pitch: I think you need to put paragraphs in. It's a big block of type otherwise. Perhaps after the words - 'craft.' then 'three years ago.' then after 'head.' You could cut it somewhat too without losing any hooks.

Start - 'envious ivy' - eh? I didn't get that at all, but that's ok. I also wondered in the second para who's shirt and tie it was - the guard's or the MC's. My general impression of the MC by the time he's read the letters is that he seems a bit deranged and fragmented, which may be what you were aiming at, hope so. Because you give nothing away though, I don't have any sense of him as a person really. Where he is, who he is etc. Your bit with the letters also - by the end I was wondering - who is Stella, how does he know her. Who is the other woman, why had they promised each other their lives? The end of this section is good - 'He was still in his bathrobe.' 'The Tower,' he murmured. 'In that instant he decided.'

However, I need more. What Tower? who are they all, where in the world? By chapter three end I'm no wiser really. Is it Babylon the place? But then L'Herimitage is French.... I think we need some backstory so we know something. It doesn't need to be clunky or an obvious device, but we need to be let in somewhere. You, as the writer, know it all, we know nothing. I felt I was floating above the people rather - what is L'Hermitage? Who is the woman? What's the mystery? Is Israel a person or a place. Is the plant really from outer space - you haven't told us anything about the man and what he does or is. What burden has never lifted? Succeed at what? What is Babel?

I know you don't want to give everything away, and I don't like it when writers feed me it all on a plate, but I felt I needed something, or its begins to be irritating and perhaps a little too stylised. When we have no information or backstory at all, it begins to sound like someone who is deliberately keeping you in the dark and can mean a reader is excluded from the story totally.

CHARACTERS - Interesting people, but again, no real sense of who they are in time and place so I feel I don't really know them at all.

DIALOGUE - Here again, a little stylishness creeps in. It feels as though you are so keen to keep the 'ambience' of the style that it sometimes rings a little untrue. I would also like a little variance in the way they speak - they are both/all maddeningly cryptic.

PACING - Pace stays rather the same, could be varied a little.

Reading that back, it sounds terribly negative and it's not meant to be. I think, from what I can gather, that the idea is a good, intriguing one. There's certainly lots of questions and mystery here, and something very freaky going on with the plant. I just feel you are in danger of perhaps losing your reader by being too vague and stylised. You need to let the reader in just a little more so we feel involved, and know the characters.

I enjoyed what I read - I read all you put up, so it isn't that you cannot write well or the idea is not a good one. I merely felt I was standing too much on the outside and wanted to get hold of them and say 'Who are you people? How did you meet? WTF are you on about?' just a little too long.
Cariad,

J.Kinkade wrote 731 days ago

Greetings, George. Brutally Honest Crit follows.

Your pitch confused me and I'm not really sure what the book is about. An artist on drugs who has a lover and then finds a leaf that will save him. For lack of a better word....huh? I don't get it. That could be just me, of course. So keep that in mind.

Your writing seems very stream-of-consciousness. I generally don't care for that style being a straight forward kind of gal. Again, that might just be me. The first chapter describes two characters who I'd rather not get to know. Austin seems at times delusional and disconnected from himself. Jessica seems unreal and Stella..who is she?

The letters don't work for me. Too long. Shorter is better in this case. Just put in the important things. That would make for a more compelling read.

The last paragraph is a bid maudlin and cliche for my taste. You can say "I love you" without saying "I love you" four times. Tap into your own experiences and see what you come up with.

Bottom line for me---the main problem with this first chapter is exposition. You're not really telling us what is going on. If you try to be too mysterious, you thwart the suspense and the reader loses interest.

These are just my views, so please take them with a grain of salt. I'm sorry I couldn't have been more complimentary. Best of luck to you, JKinkade

Toner wrote 732 days ago

Ah... Something different! By the end of the third chapter, I am quite curious! The atmosphere it exudes is the best part about it, for me. Without much description of the setting, I feel like I have all I need to experience the imagery of the place! This is the way it should be, I think.
I'm looking forward to learning about the plant, and I I'd definately like to learn about the pschycological states of the characters, and how they came to be that way.

George Anderson wrote 733 days ago

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An interesting start. A conflicted, sympathetic main character. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) ' ... the sweet haze had loosened his tie and wrecked his collar.' Technically, 'his' refers to the guard.
2) 'A cab pulled up in the sweet-smelling rain.' In the second paraagraph of this chapter, you also used the word 'sweet.' Is the repetition intentional? If not, consider using an alternate word for one of the 'sweets.'
3) 'Crushed, he could not stay.' 'Crushed' is telling. How does this crushing manifest in Austin? Consider showing the onset of the 'crush' so realistically the reader experiences it along with Austin. When you do this, the reader will be drawn deeper into your story.
4) 'He felt as if he were living a vivid dream.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe Austin's feeling so vividly the reader will experience it along with Austin. When you do this, the reader will be pulled further into the scene.
5) "Hey Jessica, it's me." Comma after 'hey.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.

I hope this critique will help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for your feedback on "Savannah Fire."

Have a fabulous day.

Al


Thanks Al, those are all immensely helpful! Carry on!

CarolinaAl wrote 733 days ago

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An interesting start. A conflicted, sympathetic main character. Good descriptions. Good tension. Good pacing.

Specific comments on the first chapter:
1) ' ... the sweet haze had loosened his tie and wrecked his collar.' Technically, 'his' refers to the guard.
2) 'A cab pulled up in the sweet-smelling rain.' In the second paraagraph of this chapter, you also used the word 'sweet.' Is the repetition intentional? If not, consider using an alternate word for one of the 'sweets.'
3) 'Crushed, he could not stay.' 'Crushed' is telling. How does this crushing manifest in Austin? Consider showing the onset of the 'crush' so realistically the reader experiences it along with Austin. When you do this, the reader will be drawn deeper into your story.
4) 'He felt as if he were living a vivid dream.' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe Austin's feeling so vividly the reader will experience it along with Austin. When you do this, the reader will be pulled further into the scene.
5) "Hey Jessica, it's me." Comma after 'hey.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas.

I hope this critique will help you further polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for your feedback on "Savannah Fire."

Have a fabulous day.

Al

Gordon Long wrote 904 days ago

Dear George,

You have an imaginative plotline in this story, and a great main character. I really like the way you convey the artistic process and the way it works in the mind of the artist.

However, you do have some problems.

First, of course, you need a lot more editing. My personal experience indicates that you need to run through the story 20 or 30 more times, fixing all the little errors, tightening up the prose, etc. Get rid of all the "echoes"(For example, "…his work doesn't work like that.")

The major structural problem you have to deal with is the slow forward movement of the plot. Most editors of popular fiction will tell you that your action does not start soon enough, nor does it move fast enough. I am of the opinion that the mystery of what happened three years ago actually constitutes enough action which, combined with the revealing of the MC's character and conflicts, is probably enough action.

However, you have another strength/weakness which compounds this problem; your descriptive talents. You have amazingly poetic technique in your descriptions, and they are a joy to read. However, they tend to get in the way, and slow down the action even more. Much though I hate to say it, you're going to have to go through and cut a lot of the description. I suggest that you cut way down on the descriptions of moving through new settings (the first time through the church, for example). You want to write descriptive poetry, write poetry. You want to write a novel, keep your poetic impulses strictly under control :-)

In general, a great basis for a novel. I'm pleased to support it.

Gordon Long

George Anderson wrote 908 days ago

Interesting, well written, atmospheric. I immediately thought of New Crobazon when I came to New Babylon (cf British fantasy writer, China Mieville). To be honest, I wasn't sure your Austin really captured my imagination (the name alone makes me think Mike Myers, or cars) but the writing is strong. I noted in Ch 1, 'vast tables', not sure about the adjective, maybe 'massive'? In Ch 2, I noted an awful lot of 'he ...(did x)' Any way you can vary that a bit?
Also, 'he knew nothing within her', a bit awkward, how about 'knew nothing of her inner life'?
And in your pitch, 'it all starts with a leaf' I couldn't help thinking of 'Leaf by Niggle'. With a title like that, I think your story has to be exceptionally strong. Anyway, backed, for achievement and potential.



'nothing within her'... oh dear.... did not mean anything sexual by that! :D

I hadn't thought of the Leaf by Niggle connection. Very interesting.

Thank you!

zenup wrote 909 days ago

Interesting, well written, atmospheric. I immediately thought of New Crobazon when I came to New Babylon (cf British fantasy writer, China Mieville). To be honest, I wasn't sure your Austin really captured my imagination (the name alone makes me think Mike Myers, or cars) but the writing is strong. I noted in Ch 1, 'vast tables', not sure about the adjective, maybe 'massive'? In Ch 2, I noted an awful lot of 'he ...(did x)' Any way you can vary that a bit?
Also, 'he knew nothing within her', a bit awkward, how about 'knew nothing of her inner life'?
And in your pitch, 'it all starts with a leaf' I couldn't help thinking of 'Leaf by Niggle'. With a title like that, I think your story has to be exceptionally strong. Anyway, backed, for achievement and potential.

NA Randall wrote 918 days ago

George, I've just read your opening chapter. Your talent is evident, and your writing style put me in mind of a Paul Auster novel. To my mind, and please feel free to take this or leave it, I think you might want to pare things down a little, and get straight down to telling your story - a man returns home from a trip and finds 2 letters waiting for him is a great way to hook your reader. Why not have Austin pushing open the door and finding the two letters as the beginning, and work any essential backstory/information in from there. That said, you've got the clay of an intriguing opening here. Best of luck with your writing, and many thanks for your kind comments about my novel 'The Communization of Delusion.' Happy to give you my backing.

NA

George Anderson wrote 925 days ago

Hi George,

After reading your first chapter I was suitably impressed! You have a talent in describing cityscapes and settings, and you created an interesting hook with the mysterious second letter that your MC received - it must really be something monumental if he forgot to get dressed before leaving his apartment! If I had to be critical, I would suggest reducing the number of explanation marks - I know your MC is an artist and thus, perhaps, more inclined to more melodramatic thought-processes, but I personally feel that in using too many exclamations, you lose a lot of the emphasis.
Also, when he's leaving Jessica a voicemail, I think you can do without the phrase in parenthesis. You've already indicated to the reader that he's making stuff up with the line: "He paused for a moment then moved on to the fully ridiculous" so adding (An outright lie!) in the middle is unnecessary.
In my humble opinion only!
But it was a good read, and I wish you all the best!

Maria.



Thank you! Excellent points. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Maria Herring wrote 926 days ago

Hi George,

After reading your first chapter I was suitably impressed! You have a talent in describing cityscapes and settings, and you created an interesting hook with the mysterious second letter that your MC received - it must really be something monumental if he forgot to get dressed before leaving his apartment! If I had to be critical, I would suggest reducing the number of explanation marks - I know your MC is an artist and thus, perhaps, more inclined to more melodramatic thought-processes, but I personally feel that in using too many exclamations, you lose a lot of the emphasis.
Also, when he's leaving Jessica a voicemail, I think you can do without the phrase in parenthesis. You've already indicated to the reader that he's making stuff up with the line: "He paused for a moment then moved on to the fully ridiculous" so adding (An outright lie!) in the middle is unnecessary.
In my humble opinion only!
But it was a good read, and I wish you all the best!

Maria.

1