Winter of the Wild Hunt

This is incredible and ever so witty. But witty without really trying which is far better than witty and straining. Straining wears me out, especially when I'm trying to like a science fiction. I must say your narrative voice is incomparable to anything I've heard. Congrats (pat yourself somewhere). This book should have a MUCH higher rating and I plan to put my six stars in to make that happen... eventually. Thank you for being new. Thanks for being real ( in a fiction sort of way).

SW
Devil Went Down

Well, I've read the first chapter, so far, and you certainly start with a BANG. I like your writing style, and right from that first sentence you know how to pull a reader in. If the rest of your story is as well written, then I imagine you've got a winner on your hands. It's a shame it's been on here so long, but doesn't seem to have been picked up by many. Keep going, keep trying. I hope you've got another story or two on the go, though. You obviously have the talent, and if, for some reason, this one doesn't get picked up, just keep on going.

I like this. I love the back story in the opening chapter - even though some might suggest it's too much telling. I like the feeling of being inside the MC's head - you make him seem very real by introducing his grandmother and pulling bits and pieces from his past that will no doubt prove to be relevent as the story progresses. My all-time favourite phrase is "aura of benign insanity" - brilliant.

Backed with pleasure.

Jenny

Hi Geoff, Interesting characters in a whacky tale. Well written and I look forward to reading more. Sandy

Geoff, here from the Alliance thread. As always, what follows is my own opinion and may be disregarded at will :-)

I find myself torn on this one. Some aspects of it I loved, some left me a little bewildered.

Chapter One drew me in immediately. The narrator’s voice is sharp and witty, and Eddie’s a great character. By the time the Whiz Kids showed up at the end of the chapter, I was really into it.

I got a bit confused at the beginning of Chapter Two. Rightly or wrongly, I read it as continuing pretty much straight on from the end of the first chapter. The Kids turn up, they get down to work, he doesn’t see anything of them for the next fortnight. Yet when they head off to Al’s, suddenly it’s clear that there’s a whole lot more that’s happened in the meantime – the five of them have built up a sociable relationship. So I take it that way more time passed between the end of Ch.1 and the beginning of Ch.2 than I realised. I think you need to make this clearer … unless I’m reading it wrong, which is always possible.

By the end of Chapter Two I felt that your writing had completely changed in tone and atmosphere. Don’t get me wrong, I like the new atmosphere – and I can understand that meeting the girl has had such a profound effect on him that everything in his life seems different. But I found it hard to reconcile this with what had gone before. I’d suggest one of two things: either weave just a hint of the mystery and darkness of the later chapters into Chapter One, so that there’s tension running through it from the start and science/the supernatural come hand in hand (since the book seems partly to be about the place where those two things meet); or draw out the first chapter-and-a-half so that the descent from normality into darkness/confusion happens more gradually. (Of course, neither of these suggestions may fit with the rest of the book – hard to say, on three chapters.)

I thought the first part of Chapter Three was great, but I wonder whether this would actually go better before the darker stuff at the end of Chapter Two – the eyes being a hint of what’s to come. At the moment it feels slightly awkward: a jump out of your narrator’s increased detachment/immersion in dreams, to having normal and perfectly justifiable reactions to this crazy experiment that’s going on in his attic, and then back again.

Others have commented on your narrator’s lack of involvement in the struggle on the train platform. I can understand him not getting involved, though I would like to see a bit more of an internal struggle – otherwise you run the risk of alienating your reader. I also wondered what Winter thought about his inaction. Once he gets her home, they seem to forget what’s just happened and move on to getting to know each other as though they’ve bumped into each other by much more conventional means. Wouldn’t he want to explain, to justify himself, to ask what happened (since it clearly wasn’t a ‘normal’ attack/fight)? And I can’t help feeling that some part of her would blame him for not intervening, even if she knew it was logically the sensible thing for him to do.

I do like your writing style and there’s a lot in these three chapters that has got me thinking. It’s certainly fascinating and complex stuff, but after only three chapters I find it hard to get a proper grip on the shape of the narrative. Any chance you might post more?

decisive style, right from the start. effective narrative and dialogue moves everything along with great gusto...on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Started tonight with the first chapter. Will continue but alas it is late.
So far I am really enjoying the story.
I love your voice! I feel like I am hanging out with you while verbally tell me this amazing story in your life.
I fell you have a great grasp of the characters. I am in love with Eddie!
I also love the relationship with the Grandmother. Having a similar grandmother that passed away, I was looking for more there. Maybe one more snippet about something they did together. Maybe you do that later in the book...but maybe there is a game they always played or something they did together. You get the point, I am just a sucker for grandparents! I love the honesty when you say that you didn't really hear the advice as well.

As for the Whiz Kids, just getting to know them but you have painted a good picture of who they are. I look forward to reading more about them!

Thank you for sharing this book!

Let me start by saying that romance is not something I usually read.
Okay, about your work. Easy read, and that’s a big plus in my book. Made me turn the pages with its style and wordsmithing, and that’s a second plus. First person brings the reader in al helps him see what you want him to, and that’s a third plus.
Good intro of characters, just enough to make them interesting.
Dialogue, has a natural flow, but…I know, “He said, I said.” Are supposed to be neutral but you don’t need them every line (especially when there are only two talking. Also, a little showing (I shrugged, “Just taking a break”) goes lot further.
Also, there’s quite enough telling. Why not show it. You have in ch 2 the part where “I walked and watched them, with half an ear listening to Eddy…” This’ a good place to describe what the character saw. Instead, you go in narrator’s mode telling us.
You also spend rather large paragraphs on describing the narrator’s perception of things (example, the woman with the mike). Doing that you rob the reader of his/her perception. So me internal dialogue might help…but keep in mind that in first person the narrator must be like a camera, seeing everything and not telling it to the reader but allowing him to see as well.
Two chapters was all I had time for. Might be back to read on.
The voice is strong, the narration aptly done (though overflowing in places), I like the dialogue (but consider fixing all that “I said, he said”).
I like it enough to back it.

Geof,
This is an excellent story and you are, indeed, a master storyteller. I'm not sure where this story is going, and that's good. I hate the predictible. Your descriptions are really well done, and your cast of characters interesting. And I would love to know what the kids machine actually does.

"More, sir, I want more." Oh, yes, almost forgot. I backed your book with pleasure.

Hi,
I read all four chapters and found your story compelling.
You have a real talent for capturing the essence of a scene and drawing out the drama in a situation. I read the comments below and reiterate many of them. I did disagree with the comment about your MC standing by and not participating in the attack scene. I think we would all like to think we'd help in these situations but often times the reality is much different when confronted by violent acts. Maybe the only other option would be for him to feel more fear at interfering rather than just being reluctant to try and stop it happening. (I know I witnessed some teenagers involved in a violent act once, and instinctively I just wanted to hide away and pretend I didn't see it. Fight or flight syndrome- as an aside, no-one got hurt, and they seemed to sort it out, but it was scary none the less as I had my baby with me at the time.)
On a lighter note, I really liked the gang of characters living at Gran's house. I found these fellows very endearing and interesting. Particularly not John and not James.
Overall the makings of a good story with a very adept author at the helm. I can see why the characters pestered you until you revamped and brought them out of the drawer again. Glad you did.
Will watchlist and star rate. Thanks for the read, Cheers Jacoba

Just two missed words I noticed.
After school we went our separate ways...( left out ways)
They'd declared the thing safe...( left out the)

I love the narrative. In my mind, I can picture him sitting there telling me a story. Wonderful!

-Corrina

This is nothing like I expected, it took me by a very pleasant surprise! It's not often you get to see a romance from the side of a male main character and this is wonderful. I love the characters, like Chess. You've got an interesting and unique mix, they always seem to be up to something in the attic. Loved the drink that was a blend of herbs and why they haven't patented it yet. Subtle humor like that really makes this stand out to me. And the meeting between your main character and Winter was great, well I didn't find out her name until later. You've done an awesome job with this. I remember reading your other book a while back and this one did not disappoint. I'd be very interested to see where this one goes! Great first person and very realistic dialogue too.

Missy

Winter of the Wild Hunt is an interesting novel in a lot of ways. Looking at the cover art and reading the pitch, I was expecting another Young Adults novel. The concepts and sometimes even the language in this book make it not of the YA variety. So we have a rather adult fantasy novel skillfully put together by author Geoffrey Thorne. Another unique choice is that this is a romantic tale told from a male perspective. As a male, I can say this type of storytelling is not too often done, and I did enjoy it. Apparently this book is complete, but only four chapters are posted here. I wish there was more available to read. I can see Winter of the Wild Hunt capturing a large audience when published. Perhaps it won’t be the traditional audience for books like this, but a wide audience nonetheless.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Love to tone, wit and humor in this story. I agree with you that the male perspective in romance is under represented and which also makes it more interesting when we do run across it. Well polished story. Thanks for sharing. Best Wishes. Desi.

Wasn't a fan of the pitch to be honest - too much going on and two many mixed genre signals. But depsite that the opening sucked me in. Despite the fact that it's all one person talking about another person, you've captured a voice and the voice/dialogue is spot on. I'm really not sure *why* it works, but it does. I enjoyed reading this.

I really like Eddie. The MC is also very entertaining as he describes his adventure. Great beginning! Rated high.

-Judith B. Shields
[Twice Reborn]

So, I started reading this a while back, then got caught up with stuff, completely forgot about it, but remembered it again today and finally finished reading the whole thing. This is the second of your works that I've read, the first one being that little Halloween short you posted for only a few days --which I absolutely loved. :-)

Similarly, I thoroughly enjoyed this one. Unlike Harriet, I would buy it. (So long as it were not in hardcover, mind you! ;-) But I would very much like to read the whole thing. In fact, if it ever is available to buy, please do let me know!

I spotted a small collection of typos, which I'll send you by message, as I really don't think there's any point having them on your main comments page. Otherwise, your, admittedly unusual, similes didn't bother me. Yes, I sometimes needed to pull up short and re-read the phrase or sentence, but that really doesn't trouble me if the end effect is worth re-reading -- and I feel that it is. They are different. Very uniquely you, I would say, having now read a couple of your works. It might take a while for some to get used to them, but I like them! I really do!

Must say, that, being a musician myself, I wouldn't be playing the sitar with a gash in the middle of my palm. A shallow cut, a deep scratch... *maybe*! But not with a gash. Nitpicking. I know. It's very trivial.

The only thing that really jarred a bit was the narrator's inaction during the attempted rape/murder scene. Now, yes, I completely understand wanting to stay out of it after having had such a fright with the "Night Man". However, I felt that "normal" people would have found it impossible to remain so utterly inactive and detached, no matter what had occurred previously. Even if he'd at least attempted to pull out a mobile phone, quietly, and call the police, I would have been satisfied. As it is, it points to a rather deviant mental state --which, as a reader, am willing to accept, and read on, but wanted to point out, in case this was not the effect you had in mind. (Although I suspect it probably is. And if I had to guess, I'd say it was somehow connected to the 'leathery wings'). :-)

Bottom line: 15k is not enough. I want to read on. I really, really do! Any chance of that? :-)

Best wishes
Irene

yes. wow. good questions all. I don't want to give too much away but this is a novel about transformation. The narrator does NOT escape the consequences of his actions or inactions. In fact he is put through the ringer and has to make some pretty hideous decisions by the end.

Thanks for the heads up on the typos. the little buggers just keep getting away from me.

I will send you a note about the leathery wings thing. It's a spoiler.

Geoff, you suggested on a recent forum thread I read your book, so I did. This is what I thought:

I loved the voice of this, using an involved narrator to address me directly and so make me complicit in the story. There was a really skilful handling of this voice, in my view. And the team of science-geeks created a fun atmosphere in the first chapter. I also really enjoyed the mix of particle accelators and folk music and liked the Brigadoon quality of Al's spirit emporium. I'm British, I like pubs and puns... Also liked the atmosphere on the transit car in ch4 very, very much: that sense of time distortion and the veil thinning between worlds or realities. Hard on the heels of the warning about the 'Night Man' this was the section that really made me want to read on.

The thoughts on 'leathery wings' simile seemed a at first bit overdone to my taste; it made me pause and consider. Then I thought vampire. This may, of course, be intentional. 'Rotating blade of Eddie's voice' also checked me but this time I had no second thought to illuminate the simile. In fact, quite a lot of your similes jerked me outside the moment. Faced with a sound like 'love being made on planks wrapped in flannel sheets' I found myself wondering how this would be different if the sheets were cotton or linen. Less muffled perhaps. All such thoughts could just be me - I have a mind that tends towards the literal. What have other readers thought, or, more importantly, you yourself? Weigh all my opinions against your own judgement.

I did wonder here and there about the mental state of the narrator. I was a bit surprised, for instance, to see Gran's death handled mostly as a plot device for the narrator to acquire a house - I would have appreciated a little more emotion there, even the repressed emotion of the self-absorbed twenty-something male. Later, in the scene where the woman (later indentified as Winter) is attacked, I did not care for the narrator pointing out there were 'no quiet erotic moans'. I was reading about an attempted rape and/or murder. Again, the lack of emotion in the narrator's voice at this point was surprising to me. Surely he'd have felt something? He talks about being paralysed (a word which is repeated several times in the sections available) but I wasn't sure why. Fear or voyeurism? There's no description of adrenalin or a pounding heart or cold sweat or anything that makes me feel his fear (I can quite understand that he doesn't want to get involved). If you're playing it for voyeurism, perhaps you need to make that more obvious.

Plotwise, it was hard for me to tell whether the 'science' or 'supernatural' was going to play the dominant role in the book. I did think that the supernatural encounters flowed together in a way the science ones didn't; each of the latter seemed to be to be a standalone scene, played rather for comic effect. The supernatural threads seemed much darker and the juxtaposition of the two styles a little jarring. However, I'd be the first to grant that this could be an unfair assessment as I'm basing it only on 15k words or so out of the book. I do hope that they all bind together in the story as a whole. I can see links developing between them, in the eyes and songs glimpsed in the tachyon generator, so you've probably got this covered just fine.

Would I read more? Yes, I'm curious for the reasons outlined above. Would I buy it? Perhaps not - tho' I'd borrow it from the library if I found it there so you'd still get the public lending rights!

Best wishes, Harriet

nitpicks
ch2: What's a 'pip' system? I'm not a plumber so if this is technical, forgive me. 'Pipes' would, for me, make sense.
Also, I suspect even paper sailors would rerig 'sails' not 'sales'.

ch4: I'd put an apostrophe in front of "'plane", as it is short for 'aeroplane' or even, 'airplane'. Conventions might be different in your neck of the woods, of course.
Also, something's gone wrong with the sentence, '...hoping my innocence of showed on my face.' A word missing, I think.
'...was I hypnotized by the prospect.' Even a rhetorical question requires a question mark.
If Winter's left hand is gashed nastily I'm surprised she's willing/able to play the sitar.

Glad you went back to this and decided to post it, I've just read all four chapters and am eagerly awaiting more!
I love the description you give of the new waitressess, saying just the one word...'pretty'..., That had me laughing out loud, it so reminded me of what my brother would say were he to see an attractive female:)
Character development is excellent, the way you portray the somewhat crazed personalityies of the sub lead characters is excellent, and I couldn't help but sympathise with the main whenever he conversed with them. I think this would be an excellent book for early teens to adults, truly hilarious!
All in all, I think this is a fine start to a promisisng read, and I look forward to reading more:)
Bron

The Endless Awakening

I love the opening of your first chapter on this book. I wish you had went ahead and posted your first chapter under it because I know many people only read the first chapter on this site. I can relate to your feelings on this story. I have my first story sitting on my hard drive waiting for me to return and make it into a story worth reading. I believe the first story we finish always holds a special place in our hearts. For your heart felt and honest message to your readers I am going to read on and add this to my watchlist.

Good Luck,
Jennie Lyne Hiott
Hearts and Lies
Beautiful Disaster

This is excellent! I read all four chapters and very much enjoyed it.

LOL. Even though it's a rewrite, it's still an old story (for me). I'm working on a brand new fantasy piece that is more in line with how i think and write now.

Yes, it has a certain Weird Tales, EC comics cachet. I think you and I share a love of comics, with all the over the top characters, bold colours and short sharp scenes. I sometimes like to think in terms of comic frames when writing.

I wish you luck and ferocious sales with this one!

Well these are cool characters. Eddie and Gran and the narrator himself.

Two adverse comments, cos I thought I'd mention them and then you can ignore them. Actually they are not really adverse, just comments.

First, the reappearance of Eddie should be the end of Chapter 1. make us turn over and see what he's been up to.

Second, you need to then get into a real time scene and away from the telling from the comparative narraitve distance of the future. It works in chapter 1 but you can't stay with it, I think.

I started to skim because it was still summary and had lost the verve of the opening with its colourful verbal fireworks. Bring Eddie in and give him a big problem. Maybe some conflict...maybe the narrator can still be carrying a torch (and some stashed fee verte) and the house be just phase 1 of his rehabilitation and Eddie phase 2. Otherwise we'll just have an observer rather than a player.

Anyway, chapter 2...or 3, or whatever it is.