Book Jacket

 

rank 5847
word count 86335
date submitted 17.10.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Popular ...
classification: moderate
complete

The Natural Order of Things

Thomas Dowler

Two ideologically opposed diarists tell the story of how a constitutional crisis, an oil blockade and a stock-market crash brought society to its knees.

 

"The first thing to get out of the way is that there was no meteor.

No alien invasion.

The polar ice caps didn’t melt."


The Natural Order of Things is a literary novel deeply rooted in the financial, political and ideological crises of early 21st Century society. It asks whether that feeling, deep in your gut, that civilization is on the brink of a major catastrophe is just you being neurotic or is genuinely a sign of the times. What if the oil does stop flowing westward and what if the next foundering bank falls so hard that it takes every other financial institution with it? What if money becomes meaningless, and the empty rhetoric of society collapses under the weight of sudden self-realization - not in ten years or twenty years, but the year after next?


And what if the only records of what happens are the journals of two people trying to make sense of a world in which none of the old rules remain – a middle-aged evangelical Christian determined to re-establish her idea of order, and a young philosophy professor happy to make the most of his new circumstances?

 
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tags

, anarchy, apocalypse, banking, bitopian, capitalism, civilisation, constitution, democracy, dystopian, financial crisis, government, literary, money,...

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55 comments

 

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bluestocking wrote 1631 days ago

I'm crazy about this book (only up to Ch. 13 and wishing SO much I had a hard copy.) Surely such a well-crafted thriller, already all written, with the economic situation as it is you ought to be able to sell this book in about .25 seconds, and the film rights even faster than that. I especially like how at this point it's kind of an alternative history, with McCain having won the recent election!! (hahahahahaha!!! yay)

Some of your other readers found Brenda too dull, but I think her emptiness and dogmatism make a wonderful foil for our raging philosopher.

The one suggestion I do have is that there is something a little flat about your description of the Saudi coup,
specifically the idea of Prince Bandar being taken down with such ease. He is a really super powerful guy who has already survived a hell of a lot. I didn't quite buy that trumped-up evidence of this nature could threaten his hold on power, not with the friends he's got. Now, if he were to be caught with his hand in the cookie jar by one of his rich Western friends, or if he were do be done away with by the Russians with their radioactive tea or something ... that would be more believable, at least to me.

The two voices are so sharply drawn, so distinct, so intense and believable. Your writing is completely transparent to these two characters, and the exposition is just exquisitely deft and relaxed. Very hard to do with all the plates you've got up in the air, here. Onto my guest shelf with you, Mr. Dowler, and thanks for the chance to read your really cool book. All the best, Maria.

p.s. I had a look at some of your previous comments, and would like to say that I really don't care two pins whether you come and look at my book or not. I don't think that is what the site is about. Also, I rarely comment on a book unless I feel it has got strong commercial potential--don't really see the point because I don't see Authonomy as a workshop for beginners, but rather as a place to publicize promising work that is already at a professional standard. Just sayin'.

K. Howard Bell wrote 1671 days ago

I could read this all day, honestly. Funny, without being to gag-heavy, poignant without being over dramatic. Such a concept, of two journals writing from beyond a post-apocalyptic future, is always going to be haunting, but yours maintains such a perfect pitch that I never got tired of it. Like Cormac McCarthy's 'The Road', but with jokes in.
The two central characters and their skewed version of society collapsing is the real selling point of this novel which elevates it above any other post-apocalyptic fiction. Really brings into question the ideas of the recording of history of the subjective ways we look at the world. Normally I was think Brenda was a little too overt a character, but seeing as this has such a comedic undertone and contrasts so well with a mild philosophy professor I think its okay.
What else can I say other than I'm hooked! Very nice work.

K

Markal wrote 1675 days ago

Thomas, I came across this just bumming around the books page. Great flow of writing, gritty and meaningful. Uncannilly topical to say the very least. I will add this to my shelf now.

Mark.

LiquidPeppermint wrote 1676 days ago

Oh, this is really good. I hope you do get the attention of some real talent spotters. This may be the most "commercially viable" work I've seen on here outside the top five (and, well, frankly.....maybe better than some of them as well). I'm going to FIND space on my bookshelf for it. Awesome.

Jay

cutley wrote 1676 days ago

I meant to go to bed, but then I found this. Only read the first chapter so far (bed is really quite important). But it was enough to get the book onto my shelf. Thank you.

Charles

Earl Carlson wrote 359 days ago

I just finished reading your book. I hadn't intended to read it all; just wanted to see what it was about. Then I nearly stopped reading when Brenda got religion; I've heard that story so many times from so many people. But I got hooked. I especially liked philosophical dissertation that begins, I believe, in chapter 27, subjects that I have addressed in my work as well.

If you find the time, I would like to recommend the following:

From Blasphemies and Bloviation:
* Forward
* Somebody Died
* Afterward

From Snoose Boulevard and Points North
* Introduction to the Companion
* Update
* Great Ideas
* On Pornography
* Morality and Ethics
* Basic Freedoms
* Afterthoughts

From World Enough and Time

* Introduction
* Chapter 5 - A Family Reunion
* Chapter 6 - Sideways Through Time
* Chapter 7 - Barstool Philosophy

I can't say I really got into your characters so much, but your book is really about ideas rather than individual people. And your ideas don't seem to be far different from mine.

bonalibro wrote 1398 days ago

I have to agree with old curmudgeon, it does not live up to it's billing. I would not expect a philosophy professor to write with the voice of a common sailor. There was nothing believable about it after that first paragraph. Too bad, it sounded like a premise that would interest me.

BJ Alexander wrote 1586 days ago

Hi Thomas.

I'm so torn on what to say about this book. I read several chapters (much more than I usually read to critique) and loved them all but I have to admit those from the male MC were a bit over my head. He is certainly an intriguing, charismatic character, well-versed and deep thinking and you write him incredibly well but all those thought processes--wow. It's like his mind never stops! I actually think I knew a guy like him once and he was a pretty fun date!

But a McCain presidency?! Oops! :-)

Brenda on the other hand, didn't ring real true for me but I say that from a mother's perspective of the chapter in which her son was killed. I'm a mother and no way could I deliberately put my child into a situation that had even the slightest possibility of him being harmed. I'd sooner give my own life. And then I failed to feel the terror and grief that should have gripped her from her head to her toes when he was shot. Following that, I didn't sense she blamed herself at all for his death nor did she mourn him.

Is this really one book or would it be better as two? I should probably read more before asking that.

Overall though, an immense subject, well thought out and well delivered. I'm backing this because I think the idea of this world becoming what you portray is interesting enough that I want to find out more. And because I think this type of book would have tremendous commercial appeal, especially now. ~Barb

mikegilli wrote 1615 days ago



Howdy doody.. ready to go...I found uploading user unfriendly.. demeaning ...cheap and nasty!

If you want I'll have a look at your book and give my opinion. ..if you do the same for me!

Bur don''t put me on your list or shelf !
We don't need to play this absurd and inherently dishonest game!...........

oldcurmudgeon wrote 1628 days ago

The pitch is good. Post-apocalyptic novels always have a great appeal, for me and for a lot of people, for reasons that I don’t really understand. Maybe it’s because there’s sort of a “clean slate” feeling – the idea that we can start again and make a better world? Or maybe the clean slate is individual – the past doesn’t really count and we can begin our lives over again, we’ve got a second chance. There’s also that aspect of it from Bob Dylan’s Talking World War Three Blues – you can drive down 42nd Street... in your Cadillac.

For me, I’m afraid, the first few chapters (I read up to Chapter 5) didn’t live up to the billing, though. This began right from the first line:

“Sweet freaking paper! I missed you like a dog would miss his dick. Not that I haven’t seen you at all, just that I haven’t been able to do this: to write! As large as I like (for now), as long as I like (for now) and as often as I like (for now).”

This brought me up short right away. I had to read it over again. Sweet freaking paper? Of course, I understand it after a few paragraphs, but that phrase at the beginning it doesn’t make any sense. Like a dog would miss his dick? Doesn’t work for me. In my experience dogs miss their breakfasts far more than they're thinking about their dicks.

OK, later you find out it’s set in England. Well, I don’t know really how the English speak nowadays, and it’s true that their usages are becoming more American every day, but to me the language was much too American to be believably English. “Freaking”, for instance, in that opening phrase. Here’s a whole paragraph:

“The streets are kinda empty but eventually I run into Bob. He’s a guy I knew back in the day and we actually haven’t seen each other in a long time. I’m jazzed to see him (it’s well over a year since I’ve seen anyone I know), but he’s acting all antsy. Seems a bunch of folks over in Spitalfields have set up a store – they’ve managed to stockpile a load of stuff and are trading with money. Actual currency.”

Kinda? Back in the day? Guy (maybe this one’s OK)? Jazzed? Antsy? Bunch of folks? Store? These usages all sound much too American for Spitalfields. Then later, you’ve got:

So then I get to thinking, well, trying to remember from my 7th grade science class, why we have seasons.

Unless things have changed a lot, they don’t have “7th grade” in England, and nor do they have “science” (they have physics, chemistry, biology). And Brits don’t say (or at least never used to) “get to thinking”, they “start thinking”.

There's literally hundreds of examples. I think you’d be better off setting it in America.

Second, I have problems with the male narrator. He’s supposed to have been a professor of philosophy, but he just doesn’t seem to have the intellectual grounding for this to be believable.

(a) The historical background/thesis. This is just too superficial and facile. The whole screed expounding the idea that it all started with Hitler is absurd. No intelligent person with any historical knowledge would take such a position.
(b) His knowlege of astronomy (note, not “astrophysics”, which is a whole different discipline; and, by the way, there’s no “101” in English universities, or at least never did in my day) is just too primitive. Surely a professor of philosophy would not seriously contend that you wouldn’t be able to tell if the period of the world’s orbit shortened? I’m with the so-called “dumbass” (another Americanism) on this one.

The story of the female narrator also has inconsistencies, though I didn’t have as much as a problem with her. Her father, who is drunk, dissolute and irresponsible, takes the belt to her because she smokes? And not much further on is dishing out cigarettes and beer to his 14-year-old son. This whole backstory had a sort of improvisational air, as though you didn't really care and hadnt really thought it out.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but I presume you’d rather hear honest feedback. The bones of the story are good. I certainly wanted to keep reading to find out what happened. But I think you’ve got a lot more work to do to make it philosophically interesting.

bluestocking wrote 1631 days ago

I'm crazy about this book (only up to Ch. 13 and wishing SO much I had a hard copy.) Surely such a well-crafted thriller, already all written, with the economic situation as it is you ought to be able to sell this book in about .25 seconds, and the film rights even faster than that. I especially like how at this point it's kind of an alternative history, with McCain having won the recent election!! (hahahahahaha!!! yay)

Some of your other readers found Brenda too dull, but I think her emptiness and dogmatism make a wonderful foil for our raging philosopher.

The one suggestion I do have is that there is something a little flat about your description of the Saudi coup,
specifically the idea of Prince Bandar being taken down with such ease. He is a really super powerful guy who has already survived a hell of a lot. I didn't quite buy that trumped-up evidence of this nature could threaten his hold on power, not with the friends he's got. Now, if he were to be caught with his hand in the cookie jar by one of his rich Western friends, or if he were do be done away with by the Russians with their radioactive tea or something ... that would be more believable, at least to me.

The two voices are so sharply drawn, so distinct, so intense and believable. Your writing is completely transparent to these two characters, and the exposition is just exquisitely deft and relaxed. Very hard to do with all the plates you've got up in the air, here. Onto my guest shelf with you, Mr. Dowler, and thanks for the chance to read your really cool book. All the best, Maria.

p.s. I had a look at some of your previous comments, and would like to say that I really don't care two pins whether you come and look at my book or not. I don't think that is what the site is about. Also, I rarely comment on a book unless I feel it has got strong commercial potential--don't really see the point because I don't see Authonomy as a workshop for beginners, but rather as a place to publicize promising work that is already at a professional standard. Just sayin'.

Dot wrote 1634 days ago

From the first words, I was gripped by the realities in which survivors found themselves. So true as to be uncanny, with such divergent voices and hopes for the future, perilous,breathtaking and well observed, Tom Dowler has written a book which needs to published immediately , to deliver its full contemporary impact.

Maria Golubeva wrote 1638 days ago

This is a distressing book (would be at the best of times, but is even more so in the present circumstances. I did not notice any copy editing problems in the first chapters. The voices are good (frightfully so). Not the kind of reading I would choose in these times (yes, an escapist, me) - but a good book it seems.

bluestocking wrote 1638 days ago

On my guest shelf for a bit ... I have suddenly got to go but back soon with at least one thought.

GillianH wrote 1639 days ago

Thomas. Really glad we agreed to trade reads. This was superb. You have a helluva talent.

You've taken a difficult subject and handled it like a pro. The first three chapters really through me headlong into the story. Your narrative voice is tight and original, with a hint of sarcasm. What a cool opening line - but what about lady dogs ??

If I could offer an constructive advice in Ch1 it's to get to the story quicker. The para starting Summer 2011 is where the story really starts, and the opening preamble dragged and began to feel a little self-indulgent. I'd also like to see more dialogue in this scene.

Ch2 is very strong. Excellent opening line, a real stomach punch hook. I would have opened the book with this personally. Dialogue here is great. I love your prose, it's so tight, no unneeded words or adverbs to litter it and slow the pace.

Time restricts me reading further, but this is the type of book I'd happily buy. Glad I had the chance to read it and look forward to your comments on my book.

Well done!

Ali Cooper wrote 1642 days ago

Hi again Thomas. back again, can't believe it's been that long. I just assumed this would sail up into the top 10 and I wouldn't forget. I can't understand why it's going down. I'm going to back it now. I suggest, if you haven't done so yet, that this is the point you need to look at peoples' profiles and comment on the books where you think the authors might like this. also look at the comments pages of books you feel are similar or would appeal to the same readers and comment on the ones that support them. I'd really appreciate if you'd take a look at the Girl on the Swing (please ignore this if you've already commented, I've been getting so many headaches from reading online that I lose track. off to make space for your book now. Ali.

Siobhán wrote 1644 days ago

Hi Thomas,
You may have seen my thread a few days ago about taking my book down and clearing my shelf etc.
In any case, I realised I won't have time to read the books that were already on my watchlist so, I've decided to shelve them in turn - I put them on my watchlist for a reason after all.

So, putting yours on my shelf today.

Best of luck here.
Siobhán




Ruthy wrote 1649 days ago

Hey Thomas,
Thanks for taking a look at The Sacrificial Man. I was actually on site to remove it, but read the last few comments and saw my rank was up so I`ve decided to stay. I`ll be looking at The Natural Order of Things now...

Fenton wrote 1655 days ago

Hi Thomas - big thanks for the comments on Punchline, and the backing. Just what I needed heading into Monday, believe me. I'll put Natural Order on my watchlist - really good looking pitch, and poignant.

Cheers, Paul.

salote wrote 1657 days ago

Prescient and you can write. I'm intrigued by synopsis so will shelve and get back to you.
Ana

Clare wrote 1659 days ago

Thanks for your response to my feedback.

I appreciate that I have not yet read enough to justify my comments. In fact, it was not that I saw the characters as 2-D, but rather that I thought the examples of what was bringing our world to its knees could have been more telling. As I said, you have chosen a powerful theme, but one that is really hard to cover effectively - clearly, many readers on this site believe you are achieving this.

I'm sorry if I was one of those who harp on about "show versus tell" - I was using review speak of the "POV" variety to make a point which I still think is valid.

I shall read more, but probably not for a few days.

Good luck in the meantime.

Clare

4dprefect wrote 1659 days ago

Hey Thomas, it was my pleasure. And yes, Evil has done fine :-) so Kip is the one who would most appreciate your comments as and when you get a chance. Cheers

Jed Woods wrote 1661 days ago

Thomas, thank you for coming by and commenting on my book. Really grateful for your kind comments and support. I will let you into a secret... I was in a film by Peter Greenaway as a child - Drowning by Numbers. Since then I have been obsessed with the visual rather than the the literature, so I think I probably wrote this as I saw it play in my mind (Hence the numerous TV horror cliches). I am also a financial advisor by profession, so have listed yours as I think it will be a facinating read. Looking forward to it. Thanks again, Jason.

betty blue wrote 1663 days ago

Hi Thomas

I find myself on the fence about this one.
Whilst I think the concept of the two diarists and their differing views on a world post-collapse is quite outstanding (that's why I put it on my list), I have some issues with the two narrators. More of that in a sec.
I think you have a powerful style, and several of your one liners made me laugh. I love the amount of effort you have put into creating places and environments, so much so that I'd say your work has almost a filmic quality.

The first chapter gives me a sense of 28 Days, or I Am Legend, full of instant conflict, a need, an immediacy. And I have just illustrated one of the points that bothers me about the philosophy guy. His cultural references to Black Adder and Downfall, his take on recent political events make him almost immediately dated. He's modern right now, but this is set three years in the future. There's a wise-cracking Americanism, even down to the spelling, in his tone, which doesn't seem to fit with his environment. Maybe you explain this later - I've only read four chapters. Yet overall, I like him, like his take and get caught up with his opportunism in the first chapter. I also appreciate his analytical view of the events that took down the way of life we know now.

Your second character is much harder work. She seems a rather rushed assemblage of prejudices, judgements and disapproval. It may be that this is how you wish to portray Christians, although her quoting Revelations to her parents was one cliché too far. But I am not sure how you intend to sustain this character and her views through the rest of your book. Not just because of her judgemental attitudes, but because she's actually quite dull. I stopped reading here because I didn't care enough to go back to her again.

I have heaped on the criticism, which is unfair, because you have an exciting theme, a cracking idea of how to present it, and richly detailed settings. But my view is that there is an issue with pace, and with your characters. If I thought this was dead in the water, I'd not have left a comment. It is far from that, it just needs some adjustments to keep your readers hooked.

Clare wrote 1664 days ago

You have a very interesting premise - to pinch a term already used. I sense that you feel passionately about the mess we are making of the world.

I really wanted to like this book, but the diary technique bothers me, as the alternating chapters are in fact lengthy scenes from the past. I find the philosopher's entries too descriptive, and in need of more leavening with direct speech etc, showing rather than telling me what is happening. I don't get a clear picture of the man - what he is like. He is talking at me rather than to me, and my emotions are not engaged.

The female does not seem sufficiently bigoted - she may be revealing a banal world, an unthinking world.

What I am trying to say is that I would like to see each character perhaps unintentionally reveal the seeds of greed, bigotry, complacency, lack of thought, whatever it is, that leads to the debacle.....

Another point is that the sheer range of aspects being covered is quite hard to absorb, so that the whole thing can read like a philosopical rant, at least from the man's POV.

Sorry for being rather frank, but I've decided to be constructively honest, because I am tired of reading superficial hyperbole from self-interested reviewers. Clearly, my view here is a minority one....

I appreciate that you are handling a worthwhile and thought-provoking theme.

I shall retain this on my watchlist in case a further reading helps me to understand this better.

Good luck with it

Clare

I

Derec wrote 1664 days ago

Hi Thomas, this is more original and braver than most of the books on here and it explores many important issues with a depth that makes it stand out - nice one , I'm shelving it

4dprefect wrote 1665 days ago

Hey Thomas, late getting to this I know - sorry, just been insane this week. The week's been insane, not me - well no more than usual. I digress. Mainly because I have very little to say about this beyond that it's good and I really liked it. Interesting premise and love the two-narrator construction and some brilliant turns of phrase to really bring the distinct voices out. And since you're in the literary fiction bracket, commercial concerns are less of a, um, concern. See, I run out of words in the absence of criticisms to offer. I think I'd best just go and shelve this now and leave you with my thumbs up hanging here in the air. Gifted.

David Floyd wrote 1665 days ago

Hey Thomas –

While I suspect we’ll never agree on the correlation between weight of topic and intellectual grit (I overstated my viewpoint on the forum a little, as it’s something of a bugbear of mine), I do in fact love a good weighty novel. My personal problem is that I find so many unbearably pretentious – there are many authors of questionable intellectual ability who seem to me to do their utmost to portray themselves as great thinkers (Houellebecq and Gregory David Roberts spring to mind as prominent recent examples). I like more understated intelligence.

But that is not a problem I see with your MS, mainly because of the sheer audacity and ambition of the concept. At the core, you are trying to tell a coherent story in an interesting, original manner. Love that. I really enjoyed the opening chapters and have actually had you bookshelved for a few days.

My only critical thought is that I personally felt you set the stalls out on the characters a little early – especially with the God-botherer. I appreciate that opening her diary in that manner is consistent with her character, but I think I would have appreciated more craft - of which you are undoubtedly capable - in the revealing of her character.

david

Sandrine wrote 1665 days ago

Thomas, you've got a pair of really well-orchestrated characters here, a great concept, and a ready-made structure. It's come along at absolutely the right time. Get submitting it. Happy to give it shelf space

Cheers

Dan

Brandwood wrote 1666 days ago

Hello Thomas. Ihave just read chapter 2, and I am not quite sure that the diary approach works for me. I expected it to be confined to whatever caused the crisis, but it takes me back to the woman's days on an estate. I don't see why, but perhaps it will become clear in chapter 3
One minor point: '...he never told Robert or 'I' how,...(should be 'me')

dking97 wrote 1666 days ago

Rob, this is a great premise and the voice of the narrator is tremendous. Once I figured out what the hell was going on, I chuckled to myself and thought that could be me. Love it.

Because its in journal form, there's obviously no dialog and thats the only thing that bums me out. I like a get a little slack-eyed after a few pages of narrative. but the voice keeps me going. Its a great voice. Holy shit, this is a crazy. We've been reduced to rioting mobs? Its all down to cavemen now?

I'm not liking Brenda as much, but of course thats your design. The only problem is that I lose my steam because I can't stand her way of thinking.

The only other concern I have is that this is yet another disaster story where everything completely falls apart. I'm not saying that won't happen, its just that I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it. Now I have you, though, so I don't have to.

Great job, and quite a great take on everything. Well done! And the timing of this story is excellent as well.

You've got my backing!

Sandrine wrote 1666 days ago

Thanks - the one was what I was thinking. I now have a very exciting feeling watchlist. Will get back to you in the next few days.

DAn

Sandrine wrote 1666 days ago

How come I haven't found this before - found your comment on Patty's book thread and took a look out of curiosity. I love the look of your favourites list - always the first thing I go on. I love the sound of this, have watchlisted it and will comment within a week (long reading list!). Your plot reminds me a lot of the film Pi, which I loved - would that be a fair representation of the tome of the book?

Cheers

Dan

MrDee wrote 1668 days ago

Hello Thomas, Appreciate you reading the first few chapters and your candor. Thanks for the help. Even though you didn't care for book you said a few things which'll help me make it better. I really didn't understand your neo-con America against the world comment though or why you thought he was planning covert undercover activities an hour after he woke. I see nothing in the text that would indicate that. Oh well, I did make it clearer it was two later when he met his friend and his friend now brings up the opportunity.

BTW I've been trying my hand at movie scripts too, though I've just started. You wouldn't have any tips on how to find an agent would you?

coulthurst wrote 1668 days ago

I really enjoyed this book and read it before the present crisis and now cannot believe how topical it is.
It is a wonderful vehicle for two juxtaposing voices in the same situation to put forward their very different philosophies.
I found the ideas voiced challenged me to consider my own take on life and on several occasions it also had me laughing out loud.
Commercially this would be an ideal book for a reading group and for a general studies text. There is so much in it to discuss and challenge.
If published I am sure that it would be very popular . I wish the author every success.

Brandwood wrote 1668 days ago

Hello thomas, i came across your book while scanning literary fiction, and your pitch caught my eye. I have just read chapter 1 and shall put this on my watch list for more leasurely reading. You start the story in 2011. You might like to look at 'The Great Collapse' , which starts in 2015. I shall be interested to see how our predictions match up. Good luck.

dking97 wrote 1668 days ago

Thomas, thanks so much for the read and comments - they were great. In return, you are on my watchlist. I like the pitch and the blurb - can't wait to get back.

I'm sorry to tell you though that I'd already decided to remove my prologue. In the end, it was my own conscience telling me to let go of the crutch. I'd love it if you'd pop over to read my updated chap 1 to see I've lost a little in the process, or what. Hey, if the new version doesn't work, I can put the prologue right back on I guess.

Dai Lowe wrote 1668 days ago

Yeah, it's got me interested enough to watchlist it. Well, anything with anarchy in the title would attract an anarchist from way back.

dcavalchini wrote 1670 days ago

Hi there,

I've read the first three chapters and I'm watchlisting this until I can read some more.

I am undecided about the switch of narrator (more because of the completely different styles of storytelling you are employing). The story is intriguing but not gripping at the moment.

On the plus side, I'm sold on Brenda as a character. She shines from the first paragraph.

Cheers,
Damon

K. Howard Bell wrote 1671 days ago

I could read this all day, honestly. Funny, without being to gag-heavy, poignant without being over dramatic. Such a concept, of two journals writing from beyond a post-apocalyptic future, is always going to be haunting, but yours maintains such a perfect pitch that I never got tired of it. Like Cormac McCarthy's 'The Road', but with jokes in.
The two central characters and their skewed version of society collapsing is the real selling point of this novel which elevates it above any other post-apocalyptic fiction. Really brings into question the ideas of the recording of history of the subjective ways we look at the world. Normally I was think Brenda was a little too overt a character, but seeing as this has such a comedic undertone and contrasts so well with a mild philosophy professor I think its okay.
What else can I say other than I'm hooked! Very nice work.

K

jmac wrote 1672 days ago

Hi Thomas, thanks for taking a look at 'I Laughed......' and I know the start isn't everyone's cup of tea but never mind. It is good to see you are still climbing up the charts and well deserved too. Jim

Ali Cooper wrote 1672 days ago

Hi Thomas. I'm surprised how easy this is to read - considering it's early in the morning and I'm reading it on a screen. I like the alternating voices and I think that's really going to make it appeal to a lot more people. it also shows that you really know how to write. on a practical note I'm slightly wondering if you need to set it a bit further into the future. it's very immediate for us now but if it got picked up by a publisher today I suspect it would be almost out of date by the time it reached the shelves in paperback and wouldn't have the impact. if you haven't done already I suggest you make a careful note of all the places that refer to precise dates or associated events (eg Olympics) so you can change them quickly as necessary. I would also mention to any agent/publisher you approach that you are doing this. it's already on my watchlist so I can come back and read some more at a more civilised hour. Ali.

Markal wrote 1674 days ago

Thomas, thanks for the comments and the shelf space. The Martins' section is currently undergoing a re-write to thicken and add texture to it. Hopefully erradicating the tell elements and bringing out the show side of the story.

Thanks again,

Mark.

Markal wrote 1674 days ago

Thomas, Lifers is undergoing edits as we speak (like most books on here). You get a comment, you act on it, you end up re-writing half a chapter. Oh hum.

Mark.

David Floyd wrote 1674 days ago

Thank you for that, Thomas -

Actually, I've just reread my own post on your 'wooing' thread and I'm hoping you weren't offended by my poorly phrased 'portentous' comment. While my own effort is a self-consciously insignificant affair, I greatly admire writers with the confidence to tackle grand themes.

david

Philip Gilliver wrote 1674 days ago

Sorry I sent the last comment to the wrong person. Damn my fingers!

Philip Gilliver wrote 1674 days ago

Thanks for your comment on Dreamspiller. INobody else has seen a problem with it yet but your point has been taken. Holly is in the first chapter, but in the second section. The first part is a sort of prologue which tied to something which happens at the end.
I'll look at your book when I get a minute!

Many thanks!

Markal wrote 1674 days ago

Thomas, this is the only sure way of replying to comments.
If I have misunderstood your Brenda character, I apologise. I did understand there were two narratives but expected (one should not presume) Brenda's to be as gritty as chapter one's was. Sorry for that, and as you know your book is on my shelf and I'll read chap three soon enough!

Mark.

David Floyd wrote 1674 days ago

Hey Thomas –

Thank you for your comments on ‘Stephen’. Interesting points all. The comic-book, slightly surreal feel is entirely intentional. On the other hand, what you – and another reviewer before you – describe as “a slightly heightened sense of reality” was not, I must admit, a conscious goal. I think I must now read a Rankin, as I have not before. And I do _feel_ there’s an audience out there for my manuscript, but I do fully accept your point.

I _will_ get to your work (I had noted it previously as something to get to – I’ve left a message in your thread) but might I trouble you further to explain what your reservations about the pure dialogue sections were? I toyed with the idea a long time ago, but after feedback since joining Authonomy, I recently greatly revised my opening chapters – and the pure dialogue sections are entirely new. I think the last included one (the ‘Hannah’ one) possibly needs a bit of editing and snipping, but what were your reservations? Or was it that they simply didn’t work for you?

(Sorry to clutter up your comments page, but the lines of communications on Authonomy aren't great. I'll come back and delete at some stage.)

Thanks again,

david

Markal wrote 1674 days ago

Hello again Thomas, I have just read chapter two and lost the plot. Chapter one is a record of what is happening at that moment, and in chapter two Brenda wants to also record in her diary the events as they unfold, so someone can read her story from that point on.(which is the reason for a diary) But she doesn't, instead she tells her life story. Is this truly relevent to the position she and her son, and the rest of the world now find themselves in?
Mark.

jmac wrote 1675 days ago

Hi Thomas, someone mentioned your book at work today so I thought I'd take a look and I am happy to have done so. I like the premise for the story. I thoroughly enjoyed your opening, straight at them so to speak and, like mine, unafraid to use 1st person. A thoroughly entertaining first chapter - I liked the pace, the situation that they are all living in and the timeline-2012, and the idea that the only thing he really wanted from that room was the paper, and of course a bit of necessary water.
Then the situ' changes in chap 2 with Brenda telling her life story so far, and her wanting to get away to work and not be like her parents, and then making it happen. What happens next I ask myself?
And into chap 3 and thoughts of Hitler and talk of the film - brilliant film btw. I have only read a bit of chap 3, but enough to know I will read on. I really like this book - something I would buy in WHSMith etc., without hesitation.

A few errors so far ----
Chapter 2 -- Para 6 -- 'my Mother' should be 'my mother' ----You have done so correctly later several times.
Para 11 ------- Starts:- But like I say, - - - Sentece tarting Amanda Gibbs persuaded me - - - - last 3 words should read - - - if I smoked. ( I ) missing.
Para 18 ------- stuck-up (used a few times) 2nd time this para needs a hyphen ( - )
Para 25 ------- Starts --- Naturally, I saw - - - - last sentence you missed a -- (d) in (introduced)
7th Para from bottom -- Starts - - I was promoted ------- 3rd sentence - - I was put in charge of -- I believe unnecessary use of the words (than me) the second time in the sentence as the reader can understand already, and so repetition.
10th Para from bottom ---- Starts - - - I was lucky..... Last sentence----- He would spen(d )---not (spent)

So far 3rd Chapter ----- 9th Para .....starts --- Everything... end of 3rd sentence should be a capital (T) and written ......... say, 'There! That's the enemy.' That's all I'm up to now and will carry on over next couple of days, a bit at a time. I'm bookshelving this - as I said, I really like it. You should read SPACE by Alexander MacNabb. I think you will enjoy the fun. Jim McD

Markal wrote 1675 days ago

Thomas, I came across this just bumming around the books page. Great flow of writing, gritty and meaningful. Uncannilly topical to say the very least. I will add this to my shelf now.

Mark.

RobbG wrote 1675 days ago

Thomas, thanks so much for your comments - complimentary and constructive. Am definitely chewing over your advice. Sincerely appreciated the feedback, and of course the bookshelf space.

LiquidPeppermint wrote 1676 days ago

Oh, this is really good. I hope you do get the attention of some real talent spotters. This may be the most "commercially viable" work I've seen on here outside the top five (and, well, frankly.....maybe better than some of them as well). I'm going to FIND space on my bookshelf for it. Awesome.

Jay

cutley wrote 1676 days ago

I meant to go to bed, but then I found this. Only read the first chapter so far (bed is really quite important). But it was enough to get the book onto my shelf. Thank you.

Charles

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