Book Jacket

 

rank 3948
word count 81202
date submitted 31.12.2010
date updated 22.03.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Historical Ficti...
classification: moderate
complete

The Cascade Express

Simon Oxlade

Feb. 1911: Trapped by snow three thousand feet up in the Cascade Mountains, Train 25 is running short of food, coal and hope.

 

In 1885 the Pacific NorthWestern Railroad completes the first railway crossing of the notorious northern Cascade mountains. It becomes the jewel in the crown of lauded railroad magnate James Brawn, whose vision it was to force a railroad through the most formidable mountain range in America. Known by travellers as “The railroad to the clouds”, critics argue that the line should be better known for its frequent delays and closures during the turbulent winter months. When Train 25 became trapped in a late winter storm in February 1911, none of the passengers expected more than a day or two’s delay at the most. Six days later, with their food running out, the coal running low, and all attempts at rescue failing, it becomes clear that the passengers are in the middle of a disaster. Edmund Parker was an apple merchant from Seattle travelling home, when he became trapped on Train 25. Little did he realise that he was to travel back to the trauma that changed him forever in order to expose a cruel episode from history that continued to resonate into the present. For the storm that has trapped Train 25, is no ordinary storm.

 
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tags

, avalanche, disaster, fiction, ghost, historical, railroad, snow

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Prologue

March 21st, 1911, Cannae, WA

With a splat, Albert Morrison found himself sprawled in the soggy, wet snow to the left of the path.

Cursing, the young labourer struggled out to his feet, his arm sliding between the tangle of logs and wood that lay under the melting snow. Once back on his feet, he bashed the snow from his woollen half coat and reclaimed his hat from where it had gotten snagged on the rough wood.

As he reached down to the pick up his hat, he spotted something in the dark void beneath the toppled logs. Absently bashing his hat against his trousers, Albert peered into the void.

There, resting atop one of the fallen tree trunks, was a hand.

Morrison was startled, but not shocked. He’d been on the mountain for the three weeks since the storm had broken, and much of that time he’d been digging for bodies amongst the shattered carriages, piled logs, twisted metal and deep snow that had spilled off mountain. Finding another body was not unexpected – there were still a dozen or so people unaccounted for – but it was a surprise to find this one so close to the track they had used to walk into the ravine each day. They had been all but walking over this poor soul for days.

Albert stepped back and replaced his hat upon his head. He looked back up the slope towards his foreman, and whistled loudly.

Mr. Devon!” he shouted, waving. Forty foot above him was foreman Charlie Devon, the man in charge of the recovery effort on the mountain. Devon looked at Morrison to see what the disturbance was about.

“Found another one” bellowed Morrison, his voice echoing slightly in the confines of the canyon. Devon nodded and headed delicately down the narrow path to reach his man.

It took several hours to rig up the two ratchet winches and lever the three logs that pinned the body to the mountain. Once clear and safe, the work crew scrabbled into the space and began excavating. The snow, soft and melting in the weak spring sunshine, was easily scooped aside and eventually the body was revealed as that of a portly man with a ruddy face, pockmarked by the start of decay. He was dressed in a grey suit and red waistcoat and had the primary tool of his trade, a silver pocketwatch, still tucked into his waistcoat pocket.

“Looks like the conductor.” said Devon to no-one in particular, as he cautiously stepped into the log pile and awkwardly made his way down to squat alongside the corpse. The rest of the workmen paused in their grisy task and stood respectfully, their hats in their hands and clutched to their chests; this corpse was one of their own.

Devon knelt by the body ignoring the faint whiff of decay. The snow that was packed around the body had preserved it well as it melted, but now nature was beginning to work.

Devon pushed open the man’s jaws which, stiff but not seized, opened to reveal a wad of dirty snow. With a practiced movement, Devon peered into the man’s nostrils and then looked up at a young assistant who was standing on the security of the pathway.

“Suffocated.” he pronounced and, as the assistant wrote that down into a stiffened leather book, Devon worked his way through the corpse’s pockets, passing out the man’s possessions via the chain of workmen and into a sack by the Assistant’s feet. As they did so, Devon called out what he had found.

“Diary, Lighter, looks like a timetable, telegram, telegram, looks like another telegram, some form of notebook, silver pen, pencil, wedding ring, pocket watch, wrist watch ... ah.” Devon paused as he released the wrist watch and looked at its back. He sighed deeply.

“’To William Pettit’” he read “’in acknowledgement of twenty-five year services to the Pacific NorthWestern.’” He looked up. “That’s it. This is Conductor Pettit.” He sat back on his haunches for a moment, and in this small area of the mountain, silence was observed.

Satisfied, Devon clambered out of the void and let the workmen get back to the task of freeing Pettit’s body. He stopped by the Assistant.

“Make sure the nametag is securely applied this time,” he warned, “Pettit’s one of ours and if his body’s not identified, his widow gets nothing.” The assistant nodded nervously. Devon acknowledged the young man and strode back up the path towards the railbed.

Halfway up the steep, switchbacked path, Devon stopped and looked out over the ravine. He sighed, and looked down at the gravel beneath his feet.

He gazed back at the view down the ravine, with the snow retreating slowly from the valleys and returning to its summer home on the mountain tops. The sun was out and the valleys below him were studded with spots of green as life returned to their frozen slopes.

“I’m sorry William. he said softly. He’d known William Pettit for ten years, worked closely with him for five as an assistant conductor. He’d admired the man’s dedication to the company and to his passengers. Pettit deserved better than to lie on a mountainside for nearly a month.

Devon looked up at the edge for the railbed above him, knowing that beyond the edge lay the tiny hamlet of Cannae. Some of the injured from the disaster were still recouperating in the town, and he’d heard the stories they had been telling.

In front of him, two hundred men were slowly but surely ratcheting a giant locomotive up the steep side of the ravine.

 

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Collyn Gale wrote 778 days ago

Hi Simon You've got a great hook and synopsis for your book. Both are clear and grab the reader's attention. Your premise is compelling and highly original. The following are more specific comments:
1. Your opener where the labourer Albert M finds the body is excellent. It bulids suspense & tension and great foreshadowing of what is to come. Of course you don't want to interrupt the action too much, but you might want to consider upping sense of place. What I'm seeing here are generic mountains. But you are referring specifically to the Cascade Mountains and the setting is crucial to your plot. So specifically, what do they look like? They'll have their disticntive peaks, rock colour, vegetation, maybe streams/waterfalls (even if frozen) etc.
2. Another way to strengthen your prologue is not to give too much away. You mention survivors. To me, that detracts from the shock of the discovery of the body. It would be more powerful if we're left with just the body and a big question mark over any survivors.
3. The historical detial in the opener is spot on. The detail is credible and unobtrusive.
4. Love Edmund Parker: I can hear him and he's very real. One small point: you might want to get his name in sooner so the reader knows who the character is. Tricky with 1st person I know, but it should be in there.
5. Historical detail again dead on in this chapter: I'm on that train!
6. Descriptions of people are strong too (e.g. Meller)
7. Eleanor Latsch also strong: lots of information presented naturally via dialogue.
8. Ch 3: Jane Potter: watch your 3rd person POV here. Your 4th para (JP was an Irish immigrant etc) is a little 'tell' rather than 'show'. She wouldn't necessarliy think of herself with her own backstory, if you see what I mean.
9. Ch 3: back in EP's POV. Really good again but I think you can take it up a level. Quite a few 'we's' when describing the action. Try and keep him in 'I' and have him observe what's happening to others. Lots of strong vivid description but think aboout deepening his POV. What does being in the extreme weather feel like? What's his body doing? What's his emotional reaction?

Simon, I hope you don't think the detailed commenst are just a whole pile of criticism. You are an extremely talented writer and your work is the best that I've seen on this site so far by a mile. I honestly think you're close to publishable and that with a few tweaks to your craft, you'll land a contract. Very well done on a terrific story. Backed and starred. All best, Collyn Gale. (The Canterbury Witnesses.)

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