Book Jacket

 

rank 942
word count 52002
date submitted 31.12.2010
date updated 17.09.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Comedy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Lonely Shores

Sara Kelly

Heather left Sandwick when she was 18, but ten years later she has to go back and confront the past she has tried to bury.

 

Heather is fixated on starting a family with her husband. It is an obsession born of a tragic secret from her past that has a grip on her, and threatens to destroy her marriage. Her life is crumbling around her. Some devastating news shakes Heather to the core with devastating consequences, giving her the wake up call she needs.

Heather has to go home to the Scottish Island she grew up on, back to the cottage on Sandwick beach she grew up in. She is forced to confront her fears. Heather is haunted by her mistakes, her past, and the secret she is deperatly trying to keep. But most of all she is confronted with the harsh decisions she needs to make if she is to have any kind of future.

Author's Note: Currently doing some re-working on what is already posted. Clearing up grammar, semi-colons, un-needed commas etc.... There are more chapters but I'm not entirely happy with them as yet so I wont post them just now.

 
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tags

against the odds, beach, bereavement, cancer, change, childhood sweethearts, death, emotional, first love, friendship, future, island, loss, love, mar...

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47 comments

 

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sherit wrote 5 days ago

Sara dear, first off, apologies that i've just read one chapter...but what a chapter it was. You did a wonderful job of portraying Heather's frustration, anguish, confusion and sadness. No easy task. I promise to come back and read more but had to tell you what a wonderful start you have here. I've a book swirling in my mind with a woman unable to have children as well, so I feel as though I've just been to a master class on the subject. Hope this finds you well. Back soon.
All the best,
Sheri Emery / Crazy Quilt

Su Dan wrote 570 days ago

l like your start; it is honest and true...
on my watch list...
read SEASONS...

Shelby Z. wrote 577 days ago

Lonely Shores by Sara Kelly.
An emotional read.
You do a good job at showing the reader and not telling them what is going on.
The story plot isn't my type, but I think you write very well, indeed.
Nice work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

ToddBenson wrote 577 days ago

As a hospital chaplain I was immediately drawn to your use of sacred story in the immediate opening of your work. The nature of bringing life into the world and its associated social, emotional and interpersonal dynamics automatically is a compelling tale. Stay encouraged and I believe that you and your work will go far!

- Todd

Neville wrote 778 days ago

Lonely Shores.
Sara Kelly.


Hi Sara,excellent book cover.
I read the chapters that you’ve uploaded, I thought they were very well written.
I can see you are still editing , so I won't comment on that, although its not that bad.
Your book starts off with Heather and Greg trying their best for a child.
Amid the scenes of frustration you have managed to insert some nice, every day humour, into the task in hand...I like that.
Suddenly the mounting pressure to conceive is brutally pushed to one side upon the news of her Grans illness.
Your description at this point is very real...the phone call...the assumption that it was to do with the IVF treatment results...then the unexpected truth of the situation. Great stuff!!
Then there’s the romantic side emerging - an old acquaintance, Callum the Doctor.
The bitchiness between Heather and Shannon the nurse is very realistic...typical of two women vying for the attention of a male.
The women will love this!
Your book has a good voice to it, flows well and a nice read at that.
Pleased to star rate ‘Lonely Shores’ high.

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest - The Time Zone..

Red2u wrote 802 days ago

I felt Heather's pain on not having conceived. Well done! Have given the book a high stars.
Regards, Red

Philthy wrote 808 days ago

Hi Sara,
I’m here because I owe you a read. So sorry it’s taken so long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so take them for whatever they’re worth.
There are different methods of writing numeric. Most novelists I know choose to simply write out all numbers (one, ten, forty-three, etc.), but AP style allows writers to write out one through nine and then write numerically 10 on (as in 10, 43, 55, 108, etc.). Just make sure you’re consistent in what you do. Write now, you have 18 spelled out numerically and ten written out.
I would condense that short pitch a bit to read “Heather left Sandwick when she was 18, but ten years later must return to face her past.”
Delete the comma after “Heather”
I’d also delete “for so long”
Delete the comma after “present” and condense to “and threatens to destroy her marriage.” Much stronger verb, “threatens” as opposed to “is threatening”
A very good pitch, but could be cleaned up a little. Small stuff, mostly, so no need to fret .
Chapter 1
I love the opening couple of lines.
“I willed it to,” is a great line. Really gets us inside the MCs head and it does it with minimal effort. That’s the best kind of writing.
What is IVF? This needs clarification.
Be leery of overusing semicolons. Publishers are generally not fond of them as I hear and they ought to be used sparingly, if not deliberately, as well. Otherwise, they serve little other than a distraction if overdone or used improperly. In this first chapter, I count 19 semicolons (do a word find for them).
This is a great start, and what a wonderful hook at the end of the chapter. You do a fantastic job of pulling the reader in with the narrator’s voice. When I get some shelf space, I’d be thrilled to back this for a while.
Best of luck with this. Thanks for sharing.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Wanttobeawriter wrote 811 days ago

LONELY SHORES
This is an interesting story. You’ve created a sympathetic character in Heather because getting pregnant has turned into such a big problem for her She’s likable as well because her concern for her grandmother comes across very strongly. You have a good writing style for this type of story: it’s clear and clean and lets a reader get inside your character and what she’s thinking. I’m adding this to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

zrinka wrote 837 days ago

The story is captivating and you tell it pretty good, but you need to clean up your prose. First of all the semi-columns are murder in fiction. It's better to start a new sentence. They work in non-fiction as in annual budget report but not in commercial fiction. An editor will scan over the page and be turned off by the number of semi-columns, the rule is abolsh them.
Second, watch out for echoing words in your paragraphs, too many and the same is in your pitch. Third, passive language, (was/were/generally is verb in any tense) try to reconstruct the sentences and phrase them without the use of passive language. That doesn't mean you must never ever use them, that would be impossible, just avoid.
Best

kiwigirl2011 wrote 879 days ago

This is emotionally wrenching and it says a lot for your talent that you can invoke their reaction in someone. I read the first chapter a few weeks ago but then had to stop because it was a bit close to home with my life at the minute. Just read a few more chapters. It's really well written, and you have beautifully drawn characters. I am immediately drawn to them and sympathetic towards their plight. I will be back to finish it and leave another comment.
Highly starred
Tammy x

L_MC wrote 911 days ago

Hi Sara, I've read six chapters now and found this to be an emotional story, scattered with little moments of humour.

I do feel sorry for Heather, the heartache of the fertility issues and her gran's illness. You do get a sense of selfishness and it feels at times that she is rather coldly pulling away from the husband that has stood by her and clearly still loves her. If she falls into the arms of Callum will we be able to forgive her betrayal? There is a lot of history between those two and a twist that I am still waiting to uncover, what happened between them when they were 18 that she lied to him and left him?

I made a few notes as I read:
Ch 2: a typo - 'If you have any questions once you have spoken to her then I'll be at the station we just passes.'
'She lifts her frail weighty hand' - having seen the deterioration of my own elderly grandparents I think I understand what you mean by this - her hand looks so fragile, yet to her it is a heavy weight to lift - I just don't feel that the contradiction of frail and weighty side by side like that are working.
'...now pretty much every organ is joining the party!" she grimaced' - I'm not sure the exclamation mark and grimacing compliment each other.
This chapter does have quite a few typos, I noted a few of them -
'Its cancer' - It's
'I heard her say my name, but i carried on' - I
'I needed to get out the building' - off missing

Ch 3 - 'we hadn't saw each other' - seen
'...and thought about the jump I would need to male' - make

Ch 5 - 'I slumped down on one of the wicker chairs, by limbs' - my limbs

I particularly liked the childhood scenes - the bubblegum blowing competition and the birthday cake. The memory of the cake being triggered by the scrubbed table was perfect.

Added to my WL.

jo gardner wrote 915 days ago

Whizzed through the first 5 chapters, yes there are a few typos but the story was gripping. I carried on reading mainlky because the first chapters were so depressing with the negative test, Gran ill, marriage on the rocks...needed to end on a positve note! That hussy nurse Shannon after the dishy doc gave indications of a good story ahead - have forgotten about the poor husband already!

A very enjoyable read

Jo
Lexi's Place

M Mills wrote 915 days ago

This is beautifully written and exactly the kind of story I like to read. I felt emotionally invested in Heather's challenges after just a few paragraphs. I will definitely be back to read more about her journey and her visit with Gran. Watch listed and very high starred!

Best,
Michelle
~ Willow Lake Manor ~

Walden Carrington wrote 1025 days ago

Sara,
You have a strong narrative voice as Heather seems to be relaying a true account. I have a strong sense of her emotional state from reading the prose. Your descriptions of her surroundings are luscious and paint detailed images which are easy to imagine. Lonely Shores is a pleasure to read and has great emotional appeal.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Bill Carrigan wrote 1026 days ago

Hi Sara,

Drawn to your novel by its magnetic title, I read the first chapter and decided to pause for a few words of comment. First, Heather McKenzie is a strong character in her single-minded desire for a family, her frustration, and her secret (known only from your pitch). Second, your writing is forceful, up-to-date, and well crafted. Third, your first chapter builds tension as we come to know your heroine and her problems.

You might consider strengthening Chapter 1 by rearranging the action. If you bring in the nurse's call earlier, we would learn Heather's name and her husband's Scottish nationality (McKenzie). Heather wonders why the nurse is calling. Is it something about fertility? No, it concerns her grandmother. Vaguely mention the secret (if relevant here), raising the tension. Conclude with Greg's call, which relieves her momentarily from concern that he's impatient with her (?) inability to conceive. In other words, use all your ideas but change the pacing. Your "cliffhanger" is still, What's going on with Gran?

"Lonely Shores" will interest women of all ages. For me, it's the writing itself and Heather's appeal that make me want to read on.

Bill Carrigan
"The Doctor of Summitville"

Margaret Woodward wrote 1041 days ago

Hi Sara,

At last I have managed to read your posting - and enjoyed it very much. I wonder, though, if you are not the Shetlander I first expected or, if you are, have you spent time in America- or watching lots of American films? I know Shetlanders will do that too, of course, but as a reader I found the high number Americanisms pulled me out of the story a bit, which is a shame. As an example, 'gotten' is completely un-English.

In a different but similar vein, I wondered about your choosing the name Calum Angus, which is typical of the Western Isles or even of mainland Scotland but somehow out of place among the traditional Norse names of Shetland. I had worries about 'April' too. My point is that, although they probably do exist up there, they do nothing to maintain the integrity of the Shetland representation or 'feel' for which you are striving. These are slight points but they made me wonder. Lovely descriptions of the landscape are effective, but the spirit of an island community is much more than that. You have to ensure that you do not undermine it with things that contradict your message.

Your main plot elements, though,are very strong indeed, and the different strands intertwine well. The characters are highly realistic and already I see development in them as they interact, which is a must in all good novels. At present you are giving Calum huge significance in Heather's troubled life (I read to Ch 5) but I presume that Greg will turn up some time soon, and the reader will instantly wonder how Shannon will react to him, and whether the men will clash. And will Gran hang on until there is a resolution? And where will the infertility element go from here? Or Heather's self flagellation? This story could go in a number of different and equally successful directions.

In essence, your story as it stands could develop against any background - and be successful. If you want it to be in Shetland and for that to be the only place possible, you have to bring the islands themselves throbbing into life, which is not quite there yet - but you may have seen to that in later chapters.

I wish you well with the book. It has great possibilities and I am starring it well.

Margaret Woodward : Kilbaddy (which is also about infertility)




Jannypeacock wrote 1108 days ago

Brilliant – I absolutely love this.

This is chick- lit heaven. I have only read the first chapter but it’s on my bookshelf and there it is going to stay for a long time. I can’t wait to come back and read more.

There’s so many positives here I’m at loss where to start.

The chemistry between Heather and Grey is excellent. They are so realistic you almost feel like they’re the couple next door that you’d love to invite over for dinner.

Your well timed humour had me laughing out loud. I’ll never peal carrots again without thinking of sex.
The language flowed so well it was simply a pleasure to read. One moment I was giggle and the next I was feeling heathers heart break along with her.

The phone call was perfectly timed and completely unpredictable. It had a successful shocking impact and immediately hooked me in for chapter two…I had to find out what happened her Gran.

Such a wonderful piece of work. Well done, I am completely jealous of your talent and hope to God someday I’ll come up with something remotely as compelling.

Vall wrote 1137 days ago

Hello Sara, I did enjoy reading this - it flows really well and before I knew it I'd read a few chapters. In your first chapter there are two big dilemmas/questions that grab the reader's interest, and the story develops at a pace from there. It needs some editing as others have pointed out and there are a few cliches here and there needing rethinking but that's no big deal. It's on my WL and I am very happy to back it when I have room in a few days. Vall (Midwyf)

Kari2010 wrote 1138 days ago

Hi Sara,

First may I say that I really enjoyed this read. There's a well thought out story line here and you engage a reader immediately with the dilemma of infertility.

Text Generally:
First person POV works really well here. I did not detect any switches in the text that I read. You have clean short sentences most of the time. I notice sometimes you use semi-colons when a period would work just as well. You have a consistent narrative voice, there is a singular tone that hums in my head as I read this. This means that you've kept the words/style consistent. This is great coz I don't feel like I'm reading a story told by different people which you want to avoid in first person narratives.

Short Pitch:
Shouldn't it be "Heart-wrenching story set IN Shetland Isles?" as opposed to "on?"

Long Pitch:
nit: spelling error --- cotage. should be cottage.
Is there any way in the long pitch you can elaborate some as to why Heather has to go home to Shetland Isles?

Chapter One:
I'm trying to imagine "cleaning the bathroom while having sex" or chopping veg.... LOL. thats really multitasking at a whole new level.

I like the pacing in chapter one. It flows logically and has all the elements necessary to draw a reader in. We are curious as to whether she'll become pregnant. Whether her husband will leave her because of the stress. What happens to her grandmother? Yeah, lots of questions here. Great.

At the end of this chapter you write "the silence in the house was deafening" ... is that cliche? I know i've heard that plenty of times and was wondering whether you might want to find other words to describe that?
Your very last sentence is wonderful. "Everything was about to change."

Chapter Two:
I'm a bit confused about the last sentence of the first paragraph. You say you promised Greg and yourself that you wouldn't go back to the IVF clinic? when did you promise Greg? Didn't you just conclude chapter one with telling him that you were off to see Gran? and the sentence before it says that you made up your mind there and then that you wouldn't go back to the clinic. OR is it me who doesn't understand what you are trying to say?

Please check this particular dialogue "Hello there, you're a new face! How can I help you?" Her voice rang like a clanging bell in the tranquil surroundings.
This dialogue rings a bit untrue (caveat: it could me just me who feels this way so feel free to ignore). Your use of the exclamation mark makes it seem very animated and I'm wondering if I've ever gone into a hospital/hospice and had someone mention that "I'm a new face." So the reader is forced to assume here that very, very, very few people have passed through those doors and she's seen them all and remembers them all. I don't know but somehow this seems a stretch for me even though i recognize its a hospice. small and intimate.

When you write "Gran ... I don't understand. How long have you known?" She didn't tell me. You write "She didn't tell me" in italics. Are these supposed to be internal thoughts? Because if they are then "why didn't she tell me?" would make more sense to a reader. If you are merely stating the fact that she did not respond then it should not be in italics.

Next sentence "Heather" She interrupted, cutting me off. --- I'd go with either interrupted or cut me off coz they mean the same thing. So, she cut me off ... or she interrupted. Also, do not capitalize "she" and place a comma after Heather.
So --- "Heather," she interrupted. "It's too far gone..."

The sentence "It started off in my lungs, now pretty much every organ is joining the party!" she grimaced. Grimace isn't related to dialogue so you'd have to capitalize "She." That is "She grimaced."

"I'm going to go and speak to the Nurse" ... remove capital "N" unless you are intending to use Nurse as a noun and if so it would not be "the Nurse" but simply "Nurse"

Again be careful with capitalizations for nouns. "Everything my Gran told me" should be "Everything Gran told me"
OR "Everything my grandmother told me."

Really those are small nits. but if they are fixed the make the story even more fluid for a reader.

Hope this helps somewhat Sara,
Kari

Inkfinger wrote 1143 days ago

Hi Sara, I've just finished everything posted, and I hardly ever do that! Your story is so captivating, I couldn't stop reading. Backed.
I'm not much good at critiquing but I did notice some words which had capital letters which shouldn't have: Daughter, Husband etc. "Hello dear Husband" (for example!) is fine, but "My husband walked into the room" should be a small 'h'.
Thanks for a great read,
Becky x
Dragons of the Western Tides

katie78 wrote 1144 days ago

hey, i was drawn in by your pitch, but it looks like your opening could benefit from a little "show, don't tell". i like starting with peeing on a stick but you rush the reader through the scene and end up giving us a sort of generic summary of the hardships of ivf, instead of showing us a specific scene that makes us feel it and connect with your characters.

karamina wrote 1144 days ago

Have read up to chapter 3 so far and am loving it! And laughing at the fact that both our heroines fall over in exactly the same way. It's brilliant, and I can't wait to read more later today. I've added you to my bookshelf.

Anthony Brady wrote 1145 days ago

Sara - Hello!

And to you (to) too. You could be Nancy... You could me Maria... You could be in for a box of Terry's White Chocolates if you make all those corrections. Thanks for the explanation about your spectacular arrival on Authonomy. Best Regards. TB

Anthony Brady - SCENES FROM AN EXAMINED LIFE - Books 1,2 & 3.

Anthony Brady wrote 1145 days ago

Sara - Hello!

This improves your page. Best Regards. TB

I am a real sucker for a forbidden love story but not necessarily happy endings. And when ( i) I need a lift and something light-hearted (i'll) I will go for some Chick Lit. Also, I love a ripping good paranormal tale or a twisty thriller.

Favourite Books:-

There are so many, but a few that stand out are:

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
One Day - David Nicholls
Nineteen Eighty-Four - George Orwell
Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
Little Women - Louisa May Alcott
Flights of Love - Bernard Schlink
Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

Anthony Brady wrote 1145 days ago

Sara - Hello!

Your book came up on my Message Feeder: there's some mistake from HC, I think. I spotted some minor typos which I have bracketed along my corrections.... I have Watchlisted your book.

I love books to the point of obsession and pretty much eat them up: (Im) I'm a Records Manager for a college. I've recently become addicted to Muay Thai Kickboxing and rediscovered a passion for exercise and healthy living. I have a weakness for cheesy (c) Christmas films, zombie movies, Terry's White Chocolate Oranges and hand-cooked crisps - yummy!!

Please don't come a begging for me to add you to my bookshelf: I'm (i'm) only going to add those stories that I genuinely enjoy and am intrigued by. In other words, if (you) your pitch grabs me and the story interests me, then (thats) that's the only way you are going to make it to my bookshelf. (Im) I'm not a believer in the whole popularity game and begging for adds. If you ask (i'll) I will take a look - (thats) that's all.

I'm not a deeply intellectual person, I (cant) can't spout literary quotes from famous authors. Why do I write? I am just a fanatical reader who, over a period of time, had an idea manifest itself and I felt the need to start writing it all down. I don't know if my writing is particularly poignant or insightful, but I do have a belief that someone out there will read my story and enjoy it, (maybe) possibly even be moved by it. That's all I really want and hope for.

I joined to get some (contructive) constructive feedback from readers and other writers, so feel free to leave me your comments, thoughts or suggestions.

Sara Kelly wrote 1145 days ago

MC and narrator of 'Lonely Shores' is Heather and she is on an emotional rollercoaster from the opening words of this book. The sadness and self pity of her infertility has become a powerful destructive force in her marriage. The author adroitly manages to pack in a fair bit of back story in these opening passages and just as adroitly handles the transfer of focus to her grandmothers illness via a confusing phone call from a nurse she mistakenly thinks is calling from the IVF clinic. Soon we are on the flight back to the Shetlands and perhaps just a shade too much back story is packed in here. Couldn't the emotional leavetaking from her husband Glen be done in realtime? He merits a little more prominence in the tale I think. However her musings over her old boyfriend Callum and the mystery of the lie she told him a decade before renews the pageturning hook of this compelling plotline. The authors modest 'about me' profile is seriously misplaced. When Heather virtually falls out of the helicopter onto Shetland tarmac and into the arms of Callum we know we are in the hands of a natural storyteller. The rollercoaster continues apace with the introduction of blonde bombshell nurse Sharron and Heathers fragile and flutuating emotions bubble constantly to the surface. It is an engrossing human drama, with more revelations to come and how it will turn out I have no idea. For a tale concerned with the topics of infertility and terminal illness it is remarkably life affirming. Odds on for a medal earned in the usual way and such a pity that HC messed up and this has been largely ignored till now.



Brian
Thank you so much for your comments. It is for feedback like yours that I joined this site. You have truly put a smile on my face. I'm off to spread some joy!
Sara

briantodd wrote 1145 days ago

MC and narrator of 'Lonely Shores' is Heather and she is on an emotional rollercoaster from the opening words of this book. The sadness and self pity of her infertility has become a powerful destructive force in her marriage. The author adroitly manages to pack in a fair bit of back story in these opening passages and just as adroitly handles the transfer of focus to her grandmothers illness via a confusing phone call from a nurse she mistakenly thinks is calling from the IVF clinic. Soon we are on the flight back to the Shetlands and perhaps just a shade too much back story is packed in here. Couldn't the emotional leavetaking from her husband Glen be done in realtime? He merits a little more prominence in the tale I think. However her musings over her old boyfriend Callum and the mystery of the lie she told him a decade before renews the pageturning hook of this compelling plotline. The authors modest 'about me' profile is seriously misplaced. When Heather virtually falls out of the helicopter onto Shetland tarmac and into the arms of Callum we know we are in the hands of a natural storyteller. The rollercoaster continues apace with the introduction of blonde bombshell nurse Sharron and Heathers fragile and flutuating emotions bubble constantly to the surface. It is an engrossing human drama, with more revelations to come and how it will turn out I have no idea. For a tale concerned with the topics of infertility and terminal illness it is remarkably life affirming. Odds on for a medal earned in the usual way and such a pity that HC messed up and this has been largely ignored till now.

Magoo wrote 1145 days ago

Great book realy enjoyed it****** stars.

chuckylivesinme wrote 1181 days ago

Sara - Ive now had chance to read this and I have to say I'm hooked. I found the beginning powerful and emotionaly wringing, but it makes you want to read more. Its not over done, it life like and those readers who want children can sympathise with her.

Moving forward, to find out that her Gran has terminal cancer was handled nicely, with dread, shock but again not over done. Telling a loved one is one of the hardest things anyone will have to do, but to tell them its Terminal, well thats a totally different ball game. You handle this well and again, the reader sympathises but wants to see how she handles the knowledge and will she give her gran her final wishes.

This is a great read, well written, stacked full of emotion and intruige but also full of secrets waiting to be unravelled.

You have a winner here.
Clair

Jane Yen wrote 1184 days ago

Writing is smooth as chocolate! Nice.
all the best.
Jane

B A Morton wrote 1185 days ago

Sarah, I've read to the end of what's posted. I found your description of Heather's emotions in ch1 very real and quickly got caught up in her life. Your main characters were very well depicted and the situation with Callum, intriguing. The only thing which I noticed was that some of the paragraphs were quite lengthy and could perhaps be broken up. Would have liked to have read more. Best of luck with this.
Babs

silvachilla wrote 1196 days ago

Hi Sara,
I've finished reading what you have so far, and I loved it. I really liked Heather's inner voice and sarcastic wit. All of the characters seem real, and the imagery of the island really works. Personally I dont think I'm qualified to make in depth comments, but the only things I picked up were a couple of spelling mistakes e.g. bare instead of bear etc, and I also found some of the historical jumps a little confusing so I had to re-read them. But otherwise I thought it was fantastic, and cant wait to read the rest. This is definetly a book I'd read in print, especially on holiday. Dont know what all the fuss is about with the review, but this book is well worth it. Backed from me :-)

Natalie x

Pia wrote 1197 days ago

Sara -

Lonely Shore - your support of CoM brought me here. How ironic, given the theme of infertility you start out with here and evoke so well, that your book should be picked up out of the blue to receive the HC review which some of us here chase many months, most without success. It's no less than immaculate conception, as somone mentioned :) I find that very fitting. Only read 3 chapters and like your writing, which is clear and emotionally gripping 'Full of empty' aptly describes the state of your MC. A few tiny things I noted, which may or may not be useful to you, being personal observations ... Gran used to have a plump frame, a term I couldn't tie to 'stalky' mentioned a little later. The phrase 'infected my nostrils' didn't chime. And when Heather arrives at the respite home ... 'I dropped my pen.' ... is the receptionist saying this, and if so, has it relevance?
The retrospections are well woven with timely revelations about Heather's past. I've got to where she meets Callum again - the reader is well gripped by then. Heather being an emotional type, her physical sensations are fitting and well done, just a little too many at times. But that's me :) so add a pinch of salt.
Well rated, and best success, Pia (Course of Mirrors)

SusieGulick wrote 1198 days ago

Dear Sara, I love the intrigue of you pitch of Heather & her marriage & her battling to keep the past where it is & can hardly wait to see what happens. :) First of all, I must tell you that I love your large letters for an easy read. :) Well, I read every word of your 8 chapters & love that Heather made up with Callum after all of that time :) - I loved when he carried her over his shoulder & her yelps turned into giggles by the time the got inside the front door. :) Your chapter 8 was totally sad ;( - in my memoirs, chapter 20, I tell of "My Precious Mom" in 1986 & curled around her in the hospital bed 3 days while she died. ;( My Mom & 2 sisters worked in convalescent hospitals most of their lives, so yes, as Shannon said, that nurses were like angels when her mom died. :) I have read & commented on your book & put it on my watchlist to back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs/testimony book, in return? :) Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ******-ing moves our books up authonomy's lists, as does backing-more-than-24-hours & the longer on our bookshelves, the more they move up :)
None of this comment is copy/pasted & is written arduously my best from my heart, as I'm sure your book is, too. :)

LL Su wrote 1200 days ago

Sara,

You have a fascinating read that really touches the heart. There are a lot of women who could relate to Heather. Me included! How strange that I should stumble across Lonely Shore! I've read your opening chapters and get a sense that Heather's somewhat sarcastic, too. Here's a serious situation that she's in. Making love is so routine, but she lightens up with a little bit of humor in the narrative. (Are you British? I mean "humour". Sorry, I don't know how to spell anymore.) Sometimes reading a book like yours helps put life into perspective. You have an important issue you're tackling, but you tell it in a way that it's entertaining and keeps the reader wanting to read more.

Great titles for your chapters and way to end them to make readers "flip" the pages.

All the best, Sara!

LL Su ~}¡{~WONDERFLIES~}¡{~

greengirl525 wrote 1200 days ago

this story was really good and it caught my attention
I hope you write more soon because I want to know what happens
between Shannon, Callum, and Heather

Greengirl

greengirl525 wrote 1200 days ago

this story was really good and it caught my attention
I hope you write more soon because I want to know what happens
between Shannon, Callum, and Heather

Greengirl

Sara Kelly wrote 1201 days ago

I don't feel cheated, maybe this is just how my journey begins!

They say the journey is its own reward... How cheated you must feel. :)

eurodan49 wrote 1201 days ago

Happy New Year. I'm not a reader of chick lit but I browsed through your book and have enjoyed ienough, specially the tongue in cheek, to back it. I will try to return, when I have more time, and will do a more in depth commentary.
Could you please take a look at mine?
Dan

Sara Kelly wrote 1202 days ago

Hi Diana
Thanks for taking the time for feedback and for backing my story. I'm amazed at the response and interest i've had in less than 24 hours of uploading the fist chapters of my story.

And please don't apologise for nitpicking, you can get so caught up in trying to focus on other things that you miss the simple things that need tweeked, much appreciated.

Sara

Lonely Shores

The first person voice is very effective here, Sarah. I’m commenting in the spirit of trying to offer helpful feedback because that’s what I’ve found most valuable about authonomy over many months – and you already have your HC review coming, and from what I’ve read this book is worthy of an editor’s review anyway, so well done! But you might be feeling cheated out of valuable feedback ...
‘We had to start accepting that I would not and never (would be) able to have a baby. Need to insert ‘would be’, I think.
I was full of empty – I like that. The conflicting internal monologue is convincing and empathic.
Phone with a thud – phone doesn’t need a capital P. The phone trilled, jolting me from my thoughts again. I’ve put a comma after ‘trilled’ which I think it needs.
My heart thrumming in my throat – excellent! Good hook at the end of Ch1. Ch2. No need for capital C in Car park. (Sorry about my nitpicking eye!)
I’d be adding this book to my shelf in ordinary circumstances. I’m backing it anyway.:)
Good luck with your review!
Diana

Eric Laing wrote 1202 days ago

They say the journey is its own reward... How cheated you must feel. :)

Silentnovelist wrote 1202 days ago

Lonely Shores

The first person voice is very effective here, Sarah. I’m commenting in the spirit of trying to offer helpful feedback because that’s what I’ve found most valuable about authonomy over many months – and you already have your HC review coming, and from what I’ve read this book is worthy of an editor’s review anyway, so well done! But you might be feeling cheated out of valuable feedback ...
‘We had to start accepting that I would not and never (would be) able to have a baby. Need to insert ‘would be’, I think.
I was full of empty – I like that. The conflicting internal monologue is convincing and empathic.
Phone with a thud – phone doesn’t need a capital P. The phone trilled, jolting me from my thoughts again. I’ve put a comma after ‘trilled’ which I think it needs.
My heart thrumming in my throat – excellent! Good hook at the end of Ch1. Ch2. No need for capital C in Car park. (Sorry about my nitpicking eye!)
I’d be adding this book to my shelf in ordinary circumstances. I’m backing it anyway.:)
Good luck with your review!
Diana

Sara Kelly wrote 1202 days ago

I was just as surprised as Mary, think the site may have fritzed at the toll of midnight!!

I'd say this is sort of like the Immaculate Conception (or was that the conception of Mary? I can never keep those terms lined up).

Tom B wrote 1202 days ago

Well done! ;~)

Sara Kelly wrote 1202 days ago

thanks :)

o.O
Good luck on your review. :)

Shakespeare's Talking Head wrote 1202 days ago

o.O
Good luck on your review. :)

SusieGulick wrote 1203 days ago

:) I will comment on your book as soon as I have read it - read & commented on 3 days later :)

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