Book Jacket

 

rank 1282
word count 64145
date submitted 19.01.2011
date updated 07.07.2013
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: moderate
incomplete

PAPER DREAMS

Phyllis J. Burton

Young librarian, Katie Nicholson discovers evidence of a past family scandal in a rambling old mansion and her life is now put in mortal danger.

 

Katie Nicholson is a dreamer, and trying to get over a failed love affair. She goes to crumbling mansion Epton Hall, following the death (intestate) of the elderly owner, to catalogue the vast library of books. The only known heir, (penniless Harold Hapsworth-Cole, living in Malta) can't wait to inherit Epon Hall's fortune. Whilst cataloguing books in the attic, Katie discovers a letter and a birth certificate written more than fifty years earlier, proving that another heir exists. Harold returns to England in secret to see the old mansion and overhears a telephone conversation between Katie and her employer about the letter. Following a scuffle he steals the evidence and locks her in the attic without light, food or water for the weekend.
Katie gradually becomes embroiled in a battle of inheritance, greed, intense hatred and attempted murder in a hospital room in Vancouver, before the fate of the old house can be decided.

 
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bookshop, car accident, daydreams, dreams, family, greed, hatred, imprisonment, inheritance, mental instability, murder, old mansion, paper dreams, ro...

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Margaret Anthony wrote 1152 days ago

Your pitch tells of a complex plot but from what I've read, your confident story telling supports it well. I'm a fan of prologues and this one worked for me. There is a skill in your writing which creates the right atmosphere and it was easy to imagine being on the dock as the liner sailed.
There was nothing to stumble over, your pace is good and your writing flows. Seemless throughout is the sense of intrigue and that begs the reader to keep following the story.
Here indeed, is a good thriller in the making and one I'm happy to star and pop on my shelf. Margaret.

Stark Silvercoin wrote 1151 days ago

Paper Dreams is shaping up to be a riveting mystery just from the sample chapters already posted. The best part about the novel is that it features completely ordinary people who (based on the story pitch) will be thrust into extraordinary but believable circumstances. Although nothing out of the ordinary happens in the first five posted chapters, the storytelling skills of author Phyllis J. Burton are on display for all to see. Readers will really begin to care for main character Katie Nicholson as she is hired to use her librarian skills to catalog a valuable book collection left behind in a mysterious old mansion. This is one of those books where I wish more of it were posted, but the fact that you can get easily hooked right from the start shows the skill of the author. Paper Dreams is quite cleverly written and should find a wide audience of mystery (with I think a hint of romance) readers once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Johanna Kern wrote 1170 days ago

What a great premise, what a great writer, what a great work!
From the very top this book keeps the readers on their toes, and the story flows beautifully. It is a true page-turner, and it deserves the best! I will look for it in the stores, and I'm sure it will be published soon, and published well.
Congratulations! And all the very, very best.

Johanna Kern
Master and The Green-Eyed Hope

Walden Carrington wrote 1180 days ago

Phyllis,
I love PAPER DREAMS from the plot you have outlined in your synopsis which is filled with suspense. You so vividly describe Katie's surroundings in such detail. I love the setting of the crumbling mansion with an intriguing history. Katie's discovery in the attic and the melodrama which ensues creates a very compelling account. I very much enjoyed reviewing the five chapters you have uploaded and this is one I would want to take home with me when the complete work has been uploaded. I've rated PAPER DREAMS with six stars.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Bradley Haynes wrote 1182 days ago

Having read all five chapters, my thoughts are - I loved the Prologue, packed with emotion, I wanted to shout 'Amy don't go, stay with him'. You have the ingredients for a book with those two characters. Then jumping forward to 2009 and Katie's relationship with Simon, again an emotional turbulent time. Your descriptions are beautiful, as are the vivid passages of Katie's day-dreaming. I wonder how you are going to pack all of your story into this book? This is lovely writing. Your artistic talents show through too.
Best Wishes.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

Seringapatam wrote 420 days ago

Phyllis, I have to agree with the comments below. genius writing and so intelligent. I wouldnt know where to start writing this and although not what I would normally read, I wound myself locked in this book. Its that good. I love the flow and the premise of the story. You voice is magical and the narrative descriptions are too. There isnt any thing bad I can say about this as I loved it. Scores high for me.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Many thanks. Sean

stephen racket wrote 1108 days ago

I read the first 3 chapters and found myself engrossed in Katie's life. This is not really my genre, but it is well written and entertaining. The characters are well drawn and the dialogue realistic and moves the narrative along nicely. I will definately read on to find out how things develop. Paper Dreams will be on my shelf the next time a space opens up.

Richard Donovan wrote 1112 days ago

Thanks for backing Cape Torment, Phyllis. Happy to leave Paper Dreams on my shelf. Regards, Richard

Jaen Glimmers wrote 1127 days ago

Excellent work Phyllis. I was able to identify and empathize with your MC Kate. From her background, “parents showered her with endless love and affection and she had lots of friends” it’s easy to see how this sweet naïve girl was fooled. She grew up believing that if someone said they loved you they meant it. You painted a realistic scenario of how this type of woman would react from the awful betrayal by both her fiancé and best friend.

Overall the pace moves nicely and the sentence structure is well formed. Glad to back once shelf space opens up.

Jaen Wirefly
Glimmers

Rebbekka Messenger wrote 1127 days ago

Your intorduction is pitch perfect! I haven't read anything like it! The change in voice and the obituary flow in a way I would not have thought possible, but you have done it quite wonderfully!
I erally enjoy the tone and how within the first couple of paragraphs, the reader gets to know Gerald, yet his lover remains elusive, giving light to what is just ahead. I have starred your work, and intend to back it as soon as I can.
Rebbekka Messenger

gpview wrote 1132 days ago

Phyllis:

I have read the chapters of your book that you put up. I was not going to get to it right away but for some reason I felt drawn to do it. I am a great lover of mysteries and Sherlock Holmes and Perry Mason are my all-time favorite. I am intrigued by the color and detail that you use, the word pictures and moods that you are able to create, and the suspense that you have built into the story. I am going to give it six stars, put it up on my bookshelf, and keep track of it. I think you have something going here and with a bit of tinkering you can turn it into a first-rate mystery story.

I do have a few observations for you. As a prelude to making them, I might tell you that I am a writer of many years and have produced 34 full length documentaries (all up under Earl Cripe on Kindle Page on amazon.com). I have written two Civil War novels. One was Published by American University and Colleges Book Publishers called Where no Man Shall be a Slave. The other, Glory in the Dust, was self-published through AuthorHouse. I may put it up on this forum soon, and I have been in the battles with both publisher. The self-published on obviously gave me more liberty but I still took the Publisher's advice in the end.

1. The first thing that I would like to say is that the telling and retelling of Katie's heartbreak with Simon is a bit much and a bit tiring in my view. It is my opinion that after you have told the story several times, perhaps taking us through it the first time and telling it to Mrs. Brown at the old mansion, you might pass it on where her boss and her cousin are concerned by simply making reference to what is happening and not going through the whole thing again. It seems to me that it takes too much time and space and that it slows down the development of your story. There is a time-honored adage that it is better to underwrite than overwrite. Repetition is a doubtful device and you always risk losing the interest of the reader. In an intense mystery novel such as yours that has the capacity to keep people sitting on the edge of their chairs, you do not want to lose them by boring them. If you say words to the effect, "Katie felt the whole scenario coming back again," the reader will know at once what you mean and will be able to call up the previous descriptions of her woes. It is not necessary to have Katie spelling them out in detail over and over again.

2. The second thing I feel is that Katie returns to often to the down mood of her personal tragedy. I am sure that this would happen to such a girl in real life but I am not sure that your highly intriguing and entertaining tale needs to be quite as loaded up with it.

3. The third thing that I want to point out has to do with something that agents and publishers like to call POV. Clearly this tale is Katie's story. For the agents and publishers that I have worked with you have too many points of view. You have one for Stewart, one for Helen, and one for Mrs. Brown.

I believe that this is the point of some controversy and one with which I have personally battled it out with agents. However, it does seem that in the modern publishing world publishers want to see everything in the novel through the eyes of one person. They want only one POV. I once told an agent that I was not going to abide by that, I had a number of people's points of view I wanted to show and that I felt I had the right to do it anyway. He told me that that was certainly true but if I did that, I could expect a negative result from publishers who are making determinations about what to publish. There are ways of getting these points of view in and making them Katie's. For example, Katie can have gone off leaving Mrs. Brown in her lonely kitchen, wondering what she was thinking about and reconstructing it in her mind. You can have Katie writing in her diary and reiterating what she believes Stuart is thinking. There are a number of ways that different points of view can be brought in under Katie's umbrella. The same if true of Helen. POV seems to be a very important issue with book publishers these days and I had resort to it in my novel. Of course, documentary, nonfiction writing does not incorporate the POV issue.

I do not mention any of these things to be critical but to be helpful. I really like where you're going with this story and I like the wordsmithing, the color, and the class that you are using to put it together. At least from your synopsis, it sounds like an intriguing mystery story and I am already anticipating that. And so, whether my comments are good or bad they are offered in the right spirit for the right reasons. Good luck with this book and I will be keeping an eye on it and looking to see if there is anything I can do to be helpful. Because I think I have seen enough of it already to know that it will be a class mystery fiction when you are done with it I am going to back it.

God bless,

Earl

kendra ann ziems wrote 1132 days ago

i added you to my watchlist to go on bookshelf when i have more time to read. wondered if you would do me the favor of reading thru some of my book and giving me some feedback/support? thanks.
kendra ann ziems/autumn lullaby

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 1133 days ago

Phyllis,
As Katie wends her way through seemingly insurmountable odds in "Paper Dreams," I follow along, rooting for her, commiserating with her because her character has won me over. It is an intriguing book with an engaging dialogue and smooth-flowing prose that make me go through each chapter with anticipated pleasure. Thank you for making your work available for us to read. I'm eagerly awaiting the continuatiuon.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

Medium_Al wrote 1134 days ago

Normally this isn't a book I would read. Didn't matter. You writing is excellent and the mystery you set up is intriguing. This is good, solid work all the way around. Consider it backed and highly rated.

EMDelaney wrote 1134 days ago

PAPER DREAMS

This is how a professional writes a story. Pure and simple. I even read the crits below but none of that mattered to me. Any story could have its dialogue picked on somewhat in that narrative tells something of the details. Even yours is creative and constantly moves the story forward. I didn;t mind any of it.

I felt much of the dialogue was so good in fact that it has made me go back and inspect some of my own. The stuttering action, language and emphasis on excitement was very real life like.

The plot is indeed complex, as Margaret said. Phyliss is crafty in setting it up quickly yet doesn't falter on remaining thrifty with words. Everything in this story moves the plot forward. Every line, every action. One little thing at the end of CH5. Delete "himself" the first time in the last paragraph. Just saying.

If someone held a gun to my head and said I absolutely had to find something to "pick" on I would have to hunt but I guess i could say something like:
In CH5:
It was Katie's first visit to the cabin in about five years.......
Should narration "estimate?" Should it not read:
It was Katie's first visit to the cabin in five years..........etc,..
(Just saying) Frankly, I had no problem with it. I got banged on something like this recently though so I thought I would mention it. Supposedly, the narrative should not estimate times unless it is meant to suggest that the character is thinking it. In this case, Katie is being told about...not necessarily thinking. Am I right? Please correct me in a message as this is an interesting topic to me.

I read all five chapters and see an exciting story unfolding that i would love to read. PERIOD. The plot is good, the characters are engaging and the writing is skillful. My best to you with this. I'm shocked there not more backers of this fine work. Star rated highly and w-listed. Going to show it to (L J Rutledge) also. She'll really like this one.



Ice Queen Lisa wrote 1135 days ago

A very detailed writing. I loved her daydreams, a ball being thrown for her and the acting out as she is "caught in the act" so to speak. Very interested as to where this relationship with Stuart will lead and how exactly the mystery will unfold. Great story in the making. Lisa

Asma wrote 1136 days ago

For our swap...
I loved your prologue, the emotion, feeling of loss and guilt was clear from your writing (thumbs up)
Having lived in Brighton for a while, I was able to imagine the whole of chapter one in my head. You write well too and have excellent flow. On my WL for further reading.
Backed with pleasure.
Asma ~ The Therions

DPMartin wrote 1136 days ago

Hi Phyllis. I've been reading your book and got through the 2nd chapter. Now, Authonomy isn't letting me go to chapter 3. Oh well. Your book is very well written and I'm enjoying the development of the plot. Poor Katie. Reminds me of some of my romances, which is why I'm anxious to read the rest of what you;'ve written. I know Katie's life gets better from the synopsis, which is very well written as well. The only critique I might would have is your use of very big words such as "lugubrious." Will the audience you're writing for know what that word means or just stumble over it like I did. Maybe you English readers are smarter than us. Anyway, nicely done!

Debbie Martin\
THE TIMID HEART

Gideon McLane wrote 1138 days ago

"Paper Dreams" - Phyllis Burton. I read the 1st chapter scanned the 2nd and several comments. Bookshelf for interesting plot. Some thoughts: the pitch gives the reader too much info - you've told us most of the story so why should we read it?; you could hint of the mistress' pregnancy in either the pitch or the first chapter as she gets on the ship. Hope this helps.

Gideon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")

Kerry M wrote 1139 days ago

A very promising intense tale from the off, characterisation very strong and the narrative immediately draws the reader in. The three part prologue felt unusual but it would work well if set out on different pages in the book. A couple of minor points - Nov 1952: I would guess a dock would be a very noisy place just before a ship is about to sail yet a "siren pierced the silence of the afternoon". Could the siren "pierce the silence between them"? In the first 7 paras you use the word "just" 4 times - it's a personal bugbear of mine... At the end of the prologue, the stranger enters the house unable to believe how easy it was to gain entry - entered and entry in the same sentence is noticeable (sorry, I'm sounding like such a pedant - it's because there's so little to criticise!) In chapter 1, I really felt for Katie and the conversation with Simon was painfully real. Query whether he would have called her best friend Sally Longman to her. Maybe he'd say Sally, and she'd say Sally who? My Sally? Or something a lot better than that! Overall, a captivating readable story with likeable heroine from the start. Look forward to reading more, Kerry M

Kim D wrote 1142 days ago

A well-written story that flows beautifully. Believable, well-rounded characters and great dialogue. A writer to watch!
Kim
St Viper's School for Super Villains

kellywriter wrote 1143 days ago

I've gotten through Chapter three and I am really enjoying the story so far. It reminds me of a modern day Victoria Holt or Phyllis Whitney time romantic suspense. I like Katie and I'm identifying with her already. A few recomendations. Your blurb is a little too informative. I would leave a little more mystery for your reader I almost felt like I'd gotten the gist from the whole story and didn't need to read it. Draw your reader in and still leave them with some mystery. The only other thing I would say is watch your use of the words had and had been. Makes the story drag a little bit. Other than that I think your novel has real promis. I plan to come back and finish it but I've read enough to rate it and back it. Good luck.

Katherine Edwards wrote 1144 days ago

I've backed this because i love a good mystery with a bit of romance thrown in for good measure. your writing style is easy to read while promising a good plot. .Good luck! Katherine Strata

Cristy DeLange wrote 1146 days ago

I just commented on your book but I don't know what happened with it. I like your style it's easy to read, I even liked the prologue. Usually I skip prologues, but this one has dialogue in it so that makes all the difference.

Cristy DeLange wrote 1146 days ago

I agee with the comment below, the pitch seemed complicated. And at first I thought your style would be hard for me to read. However nothing was less from the truth. I enjoyed the first chapter, your writing flows really well.

SusieGulick wrote 1146 days ago

Dear Phyllis, Well, here I am reading on commenting on your 2nd book, "Paper Dreams," where Katie has had a failed relationship, then has a new boyfriend, Stuart... she is a young librarian & the elderly owner dies & she is to catalogue vast Epton Hall mansion library that is in & discovers a letter & 2nd birth certificate of a 2nd heir other than Harold & when he hears her tell her employer on the phone, he locks her into the attic, rescued by her employer... together with Stuart become embroiled in a battle of inheritance, greed, intense hatred... Harold attempted murder of several people before calm is restored and and the fate of the old house and the treasure it contains can be decided," as your pitch portrays. :) WOW!! What a story!! :) Literary fiction, so may be based on fact, even. :) I love before anything, is your Pedro quote, "As all live is a dream, And dreams are dreams." :) I smiled when I read it. :) Your prologue "November 1952" helped me to find out who Harold Hapsworth-Cole was, then ch.1 starting "February 2009" with Simon breaking up with Katie for Sally & on through your story of Katie going to the mansion to work on the books, then to her friend cousin Helen on the train & has a "paper dream" of "books rained down upon her" & meeting Stuart & I'm just sure that after all the ins & outs, this story will end happily ever after. :) I made sure that I have gold ******-rated both of your books. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have a 2nd book which I just put on 3-1-11, "Bible Songs How I Remember Them." :)

Aurora87 wrote 1147 days ago

I believe this is one of the best written books on this site. I really enjoyed it. I'm putting it on my shelf. Very best wishes, Emily (Traps and Topaz)

Alice T wrote 1148 days ago

Paper Dreams
This is a riveting read. Lots of twists in an involved story, which you handle very well. You write extremely well and I wish you all best wishes with your new book. Full marks awarded
Alice

Frank James wrote 1148 days ago

Hi Phyllis,

I found your book very complex, but enough to make me put the book down. I'm delighted it was brought to my attention and I'm pleased to give you my BACKING and wish you every success with your writing in the future. Perhaps you could take a look at my book (The Contractor) I would be grateful.

Frank James (The Contractor)

SusieGulick wrote 1150 days ago

How totally wonderful you are, Phyllis!! :) Thank you so very much for backing my memoirs/testimony book. :) May God richly bless you. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. I have also gold ******-rated your book :) - could you please ****** mine, too. Every ****** -ing & backing more than 24 hours moves our books up authonomy's lists. :)
I will be reading & commenting on your book this week & as soon as possible. :)
I already read & commented on "Passing Storm" 254 days ago. :)
I am now reading & commenting on, "Paper Dreams" 3-3-11. :)

Billie Storm wrote 1150 days ago

Dear Phyllis
I've rated both your books.

Good luck

Stark Silvercoin wrote 1151 days ago

Paper Dreams is shaping up to be a riveting mystery just from the sample chapters already posted. The best part about the novel is that it features completely ordinary people who (based on the story pitch) will be thrust into extraordinary but believable circumstances. Although nothing out of the ordinary happens in the first five posted chapters, the storytelling skills of author Phyllis J. Burton are on display for all to see. Readers will really begin to care for main character Katie Nicholson as she is hired to use her librarian skills to catalog a valuable book collection left behind in a mysterious old mansion. This is one of those books where I wish more of it were posted, but the fact that you can get easily hooked right from the start shows the skill of the author. Paper Dreams is quite cleverly written and should find a wide audience of mystery (with I think a hint of romance) readers once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

Margaret Anthony wrote 1152 days ago

Your pitch tells of a complex plot but from what I've read, your confident story telling supports it well. I'm a fan of prologues and this one worked for me. There is a skill in your writing which creates the right atmosphere and it was easy to imagine being on the dock as the liner sailed.
There was nothing to stumble over, your pace is good and your writing flows. Seemless throughout is the sense of intrigue and that begs the reader to keep following the story.
Here indeed, is a good thriller in the making and one I'm happy to star and pop on my shelf. Margaret.

Lorri Proctor wrote 1153 days ago

This pulled me in quickly. An interesting premise and good mix of dialogue and action. You really get the conflict in Katie's mind and her grief very well, Phyllis. I would definitely buy this book!
Just one little thing...I was told off by an agent once for using words like lovely and pretty as adjectives. You use them a fair bit. It's fine when Katie says or thinks it as it shows something of her personality and way of seeing life. But not as in 'pretty little dormer windows.' Frankly it wouldn't bother me but it seems that editors don't like it! Just a tip. Will put you on my shelf asap. Lorri xx

Sir_Danny_Boy wrote 1153 days ago

Phyllis, firstly thank you for leaving comment and then backing The DEAD Bloc. I do so appreciate it.

I'm here as a reader. I have only just caught ther writing bug so don't have the experience to crit your prose, pov etc etc.

Phyllis, I have just read the prologue, the obituary and all of chapter 1, and I have to say that this is GREAT story telling, even though I cannot yet see the connection between the parting couple in the prologue to Katie in ch1...I know I'm going to need to read on to find out what it is, and I will !

The dialogue between your characters is very well written. I hate that Simon Brand already, even though, well, lets face it, this is real life, and such things happen..can we ever really trust our friends and partners around each other ?

You are a very good writer Phtllis from what I can see, this is written very freshly and seems to obey all those writing rules that just learning about.

I am now going to full star this and I WILL back this just as soon as my current shelf commitments have been hounoured (a few days)

Well done Phyllis.

Sir Danie.

The DEAD Bloc.

Pia wrote 1155 days ago

Phyllis -

Paper Dreams - The prologue depicts a possible unfulfilled love affair, and a generation later there is a stranger whose father, presumably the old Hapsworth-Cole, had been happy to forget about him. Mystery remains, we don't know yet how things hang together. We meet Katie, an warm hearted woman and unsuspecting romantic, betrayed by Simon and her best friend, a girl's worst nightmare. There is now a black hole in Katie's life, You could shorten the scene with Simon. We knows he's a non-entity won't waste any feelings on him. And maybe watch for the pesky word 'just', it repeats occasionally. I love old bookstores and old houses with haunting atmospheres, so I'm right in there and would want to know what happens beyond chapter 5. You other book, Passing Storm, is also very atmospheric and memorable. I hope you put up more chapters of Paper Dreams. Right away, a handful of stars, and thanks for supporting CoM on the desk :) Pia

curiousturtle wrote 1164 days ago

Phyllis,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment perception where every moment is a dangling act promising the next to have the same urgency....

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is the psychological map of your central character's. The ebbs and flows of Katie as she goes about reconciling the betrayal with the love, the wishes with the memories ....

......and she does her grace shows.

Some of my favorites:

"I...I er"
Always if you can find a dialogue gesture that replaces description, go for it
For, when dialogue expresses, is always more powerful than description

"She pounded her pillow in anger"
I would cut the word anger.
What else could be the reason for her to pound the pillow?

"She had an attractive oval face...."
this whole description is well done.
I would leave "attractive" out and let the reader discover how attractive she is through your description

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

It is Pedro Calderon de la Barca (not Baria)
and the famous part is the last two lines.
I would leave just those, and add the Spanish Translation:
"La vida es sueno
y los suenos suenos son"

Simon reply was non-committal: "It was OK"
do we need to editorialize when the dialogue says it all?

"Katty was an attractive...."
This doesn't tell me how attractive she was; show me

"Katty felt the whole world crumbling..."
Instead I would use body language to communicate this:
ie.: "her eyes up then down, the shoulders falling, her entire body suddenly weighting a million tons"
There, her world crumbling
Why?
Because if you use abstract language...the reader...reads
If you use body language....the reader feels.
like you do here:
"her heart who had been beating..."

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david

Nanty wrote 1165 days ago

Paper Dreams.
Prologue - The period this is set in has been cleverly captured with dialogue, negating the need for any description of the setting, except for a rain sodden trilby. Not sure about 'just like a porcelain doll' as it's a bit cliched - perhaps ethereal might work better , which would make Amy's imminent departure and Gerald tightening his grip on her, more poignant. The mystery of Gerald's death shortly after and the stranger, who introduces a promise, dark deeds will be done, worked very well.
Chapter 1 - A good beginning with a lot of tension between Katie and Simon. There is a lot of energy in the prose that brings to culmination, without over-egging, betrayal, a knife twisted with devastating effect and Katie's depair.
Chapter 2 - Katie would feel like a traitor if she got rid of her old car, I thought this was a really nice touch that shows facets of her personality. Quite a bit of backstory, which I am not sure if it is needed or not, but Katie's mind constantly returning to the betrayal of those she thought cared for her very much, is realistically portrayed.
Chapter 3 - Katie's name is used quite a lot in the opening paragraphs. A reader will know she's alone so it might be an idea to think about this and perhaps, revise to avoid repetition. The relationship between Brian and Kaite comes across really well, though he does sound as though he like a bit of a gossip. Just as well to, as he expands on the mystery touched on in the prologue, which will thrust Katie into the thick of it.
Having tickled a reader's curiosity in her prologue, the author's confidence is shown by her unhurried approach to begin revealing it. First a reader's empathy for Katie is effortlessly elicited, then ittle snippets of her background and life, reinforce this and concern is heightened as she is thrust into dangerous territory. Personally, I think the pitch tells too much of the story's development and the author should perhaps, consider teasing a potential reader more.

Nanty - Chrys!

Joel Juedes wrote 1166 days ago

A grasping mystery supported by authentic dialogue. Emotions can be overwritten, but I do find yours believable. Katie's thoughts help fully develop the past and present, and keep me interested. I'm not a fanatic when it comes to mysteries, but yours has a down-to-earth flair with characters I can like. The writing itself is short and sweet--very good. I expect to see this piece going someplace soon. Good luck!
Joel Juedes

Writenow wrote 1167 days ago

Great melodramatic opening, good period feel, then the jump to the present, well presented intrigue, a definite page turner. All the best.

Primrose Hill wrote 1168 days ago

I find the prologue very moving. I would have liked a lot more of it before going on to the modern day story. For instance i wish you would describe the 'preparations for the liner to get under way' which a lot of people nowadays have never seen, and all the work that goes into the sip (pointing itself.)
Who is the tall dark stranger? The old man who just died, or his son, and which one is the man who was on the quay/ A lot of questions being raised, which is good. it promises to be a page turner. Highly rated and still on my watchlist.

Philip Churchman wrote 1170 days ago

Hi Phyllis, I've just read the first two chapters of Paper Dreams. The premise in the pitch is great and it is extremely well written, making it a very easy, fast and enjoyable read.
In the interests of hopefully providing constructive feedback I do have one thought. In this opening section Katie is a victim of a great deal of misfortune and I found myself wanting to get to know her first as the strong character she clearly becomes later in the book, and also get to the thriller element of the story. Maybe recounting these traumatic events later on as flashbacks would allow the reader to form a relationship with the strong Katie, which is then reinforced by learning of the pain and betrayal she has suffered. Please feel free to ignore this! I'm far from an expert in this genre, and my approach may also weaken the sense of Katie's personal journey, which I can see is an important part of the story. Best of luck - this a great story very well written! Philip

Johanna Kern wrote 1170 days ago

What a great premise, what a great writer, what a great work!
From the very top this book keeps the readers on their toes, and the story flows beautifully. It is a true page-turner, and it deserves the best! I will look for it in the stores, and I'm sure it will be published soon, and published well.
Congratulations! And all the very, very best.

Johanna Kern
Master and The Green-Eyed Hope

billy.mcbride wrote 1176 days ago

Dear Phyllis,

What a nice start! I think that you give the reader what she or he needs in this book. It has much love in it and I can tell it is written from a loving heart. Thank you for passing it on to me, I know that it is short but I find in it much structure and things to discover.

Have a Nice Evening,

Billy McBride

Walden Carrington wrote 1180 days ago

Phyllis,
I love PAPER DREAMS from the plot you have outlined in your synopsis which is filled with suspense. You so vividly describe Katie's surroundings in such detail. I love the setting of the crumbling mansion with an intriguing history. Katie's discovery in the attic and the melodrama which ensues creates a very compelling account. I very much enjoyed reviewing the five chapters you have uploaded and this is one I would want to take home with me when the complete work has been uploaded. I've rated PAPER DREAMS with six stars.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Bradley Haynes wrote 1182 days ago

Having read all five chapters, my thoughts are - I loved the Prologue, packed with emotion, I wanted to shout 'Amy don't go, stay with him'. You have the ingredients for a book with those two characters. Then jumping forward to 2009 and Katie's relationship with Simon, again an emotional turbulent time. Your descriptions are beautiful, as are the vivid passages of Katie's day-dreaming. I wonder how you are going to pack all of your story into this book? This is lovely writing. Your artistic talents show through too.
Best Wishes.
Bradley Haynes (Tricia)

karenrosario wrote 1185 days ago

I really love the title, so elegant and beautiful, conjuring up many images. Romance and thriller aren't genres I know a lot about so I'm sorry not to be able to give you much critique, but from what I have read you have created intricate lives and a real easy flowing read. All the best with it!
Karen

A. Zoomer wrote 1185 days ago

PAPER DREAMS

I love the read. The dialogue is real and the story unfolds at the right pace.
Well done!
Six stars.
A Zoomer

A. Zoomer wrote 1185 days ago

PAPER DREAMS

Dear Phyllis,

Well you pitch is fabulous. Attempted murder in Vancouver appeals to where I live.
Got to see where you got it accurate.
Sprinkled stars will get to the read.
A zoomer

Nigel Fields wrote 1189 days ago

I began to love the read after arriving at Epton Hall. I don't grasp well enough yet your vision of the story to suggest that the narrative begin at this point, but it might be something to think about. I wish there were more books like this here. I really like the premise and tone.
John B Campbell (Walk to Paradise Garden, historical fiction)

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