The Ancestors of Star

William,
After going through the first few paragraphs of "The Ancestors of Star," I settled down for a racy read. There's an easy rythm to your writing style and the first person narrative adds to its laid-back familiarity. The dialogue is real and the characters likeable in their impishness. Thank you for making your book available to us.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

RobbG
I'm pleased that you read it. I think that if you keep on, you'll find it a rewarding read. Thanks for the kind words. I owe a lot to a couple of writing friends that critiqued the book chapter by chapter over a one year period.

William, started Ancestors of Star this evening, and read 2 chapters. The general way I've been working my comments is to read 2-3 chapters, depending on length and comment. If it's so good I want to keep reading, and I haven't found major flaws with the writing or plot or whatever, I'd put it on my shelf. If something hasn't caught my attention after 2 chapters, I'll comment and try to say why. If the first page or two turn me off, I'll stop reading and move on to something else without comment.

So I finished 2 chapters and I'm quite positive I'd keep reading (and I restrained myself from jumping straight to ch 6, which wasn't easy). The writing is just easy and flows well, nicely paced. The character is engaging even if a bit shallow, and I'm guessing we might see him mature a little bit in the subsequent chapters. The setting (I used to live in Arizona and have visited reservations in remote parts very similar to what you describe) is vividly drawn as desolate and depressing. I'm liking both the light and breezy feel of the writing, the more dark feel of the terrain and the potential for problems and romance (and romantic problems or problem romances) that are sure to come.

I usually read a section twice - once as a reader, and once with an editor's hat on to look for issues. Unfortunately I'm out of time and have an overflowing watchlist, so I only read these 2 chapters once, but nothing stood out. It looks well written and usually the editor in me will spot a typo a mile away (well, in everyone else's work, not so much in my own). I see a very clean and polished manuscript here.

I'm going to move on to other books now, but this is going on my shelf for a bit, then back to my watchlist where I'm saving a few that have intrigued me enough to read more once I've cleared my list.

live2write,

Thanks very much for your comments. Some parts of the story are in fact intended to be humorous, in a mild or tongue-in-cheek sort of way, but perhaps not always the ones you found. When I imagined Tim's encounter with the policeman, Hunter, as a movie in my head, I tried to show how awkward it was for the cop to explain to Tim what was expected of him. The schadenfreude type humor was intentional; otherwise the scene would have been too dark and creepy.

What has surprised me in experimenting with this genre, is how different is everyone's take on it. Some like the story in its own right, some are into the female domination kink, some think it's a tender love story, others think it's a creepy sex show. A few are squicked altogether and want me put on the National Perverts List. Although technically the book is 'femdom' -- female domination, I have no stomach or patience for the whips and boots and such that are conventionally associated with this kink. Instead, I made Star a strong, experienced woman who has decided what she wants and goes out to get it.

What the story has to offer, when you read on past ch. 12, is an epiphany for Tim, as he discovers how addicted he's become to his boss, and the beginnings of a handful of subplots, some of which have little to do with the relationship between the two. I hope these will provide enough excitement to keep you reading to the end. Although Tim remains domesticated by Star, he has by no means discarded his masculinity, as he will prove in coming chapters.

There is a review of 'Star' by Lisabet Sarai, an accomplished writer of erotica, at:
http://www.eroticarevealed.com/author.php?first=William&last=Gaius&panel_id=2

Thanks again for shelving me.

Hi Bill,

Thanks again! You posed some good questions in your comment!

I'm about halfway through 'Star'.

Alice

Bill,

I'm looking forward to continuing 'The Ancestors of Star'.

Thanks for reading my work. It's still very much a first draft and has gone though some major updates in the last week, all for the better.

Alice

Editorial changes made to Chapter One. 10/26/08

Mr.Dee - Thanks for shelving it. I've changed the typeface to make it easier to read and put up the entire 48 chapters.

Alice - Glad to see you're involved in it. The rest of it is there for the reading now. (I've been reading your Pawns book, too).

Hi William, Just wanted to let you know I booksheved your fine book.

Hello DB,

Let me start off by saying you've got one heck of a story on your hands here. I'm enjoying every word.

I'm also a huge fan of James Lee Burke and so far I have to say you're giving him a run for his money. Your writing is tight and vivid. Your plot and characterization are strong and believable.

I'm diving back in to read more! I'll check back in later.

Alice

Good solid writing William. Your paint excellent word pictures and your writing is easily understandable. I want to read more but it'll have to wait. I've got two writing projects which come before pleasure. In the meantime your book is on my watchlist.