And When

Having read the first five chapters I can see why this book is in the top 100. I've no doubt it will continue to rise to the ED in due course.
The story starts off with a fairly routine tale of Jade and her day to day life, relationships etc, but swiftly draws the reader in as she finds a lump in her neck, followed by the inevitable struggle with medical procedure, during which time her father is diagnosed with terminal cancer. The writing effortlessly displays the real life scenario where a person living an ordinary, mundane life can so easily be plunged into turmoil with a few unforeseen events and what makes the story even more gripping is that it can, and does, happen to people every day.
This book is already on my watchlist, and now has a high star rating and will have a place on my bookshelf in the near future. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger In My Life

Oh, Wendy...you have such a gift. You have created living, breathing people that I look at with such hopeful expectations. I want them to have a happily ever after...and so hope, against hope, that they do.
Six stars and a want for more...
Linda
Daniel Simmons Journey
and
Children Walking with Jesus

And When

This is great - i loved it right from the start... an eery description of a woman waking up, really that's all it is, but you paint it in such a cool way

i love Jade's thought process - how she relates to people as she hides from them....

i'm not surprised at the books position in the charts, i'm very surprised that it doesn't have daily comments
will be pimping this one out soon for sure!

Jaclyn x
My Life Without Me

Pimp List - http://authonomy.com/forums/threads/107068/for-what-it-s-worth/

Wendiann. I have to agree with the others. How cool is this simple story but with such intelligence behind the writing. I need something to engage my mind when I first start reading a book and this did just that. Its very clever in that sense too. Nice story, with a great flow to it and a brilliant pace to it. It matches the pace of the book in that you can speed your descriptions up as and when you please to keep that perfect momentum of this book. I can see this doing well. I loved it and score it high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Wendy

I've been lucky enough to read the whole book and I found "And When" reads as a true slice of the turmoil a person can endure, yet retain their sense of who they really are. You cover a lot of ground conveying each with a realistic touch. From her illness, her father’s illness and death, then her withdrawal from normal life, before moving to recovery and building a long distance relationship.

I’ve have first-hand experience of serious illness and dealing with death simultaneously. This aspect is what drew me to your novel. You've captured the worst emotions a person can feel and portrayed Jade as a strong individual without the "Feel sorry for me" nonsense. I developed a deep connection with her as she struggles from the very first chapter.

Her withdrawal from her old life resonates strongly with me. Illness affects people in different ways but you've keep her strong willed, independent and not reliant on others. The guilt when she has to lean on them is heartfelt and leads her to question, what she wants and can expect from life now. This moves nicely into the world of online chat and the connections she makes. Your observations are quite right, that it's far easier to tell your troubles to people behind a screen than in person.

These initial chapters are a compelling journey, fresh, well-written, packed full of genuine emotion and pull you along to the next paragraph, the next chapter, wanting to know what happens with a real hunger. "Will she be ok? Will her emails turn into romance?" Just questions I’m asking myself.

We see tiny slithers of old Jade as she flirts with Brady. He engages her in a way no man has since the beginning of her illness and pushes her boundaries as they make the journey to friendship. Wrestling with the decision of a major operation Brady steps up, offering her a shoulder and becomes a constant in her life. You capture the indecision and apprehension well.

When she is in the hospital, her humour is intact and I feel it’s important to show that. To remind us that although she is a patient, she is still Jade. Her recovery at home and how useless she feels, comes shining through. People forget not everyone likes to be fussed over, I certainly don't and not everyone thinks the world revolves around them.

As she recovers, her excitement turns to disappointment as she has second and third thoughts about meeting this man, telling him the distance is the issue and allowing him the opportunity to back out gracefully. I’m yelling at him to be the man she deserves. You show true anger and frustration before she accepts defeat and returns to a realistic target of friendship. It’s ok to portray her as someone who didn't just let him straight back in to her life. He let her down and that come across really well.

She does let him back in eventually, while expecting nothing, completely in charge of her own destiny. They plan to attend an event giving her chance, to meet Brady, but also to say thank you to her extended network of friends. The meeting is set perfectly, then wham you hit us with a sensuous sex scene allowing us to experience the culmination of a year’s worth of flirting and pent up passion. She allows herself to give in to her desires and she deserves that and I for one, am happy she did.

Once home there are questions to be answered and we see her trying to make plans with the man she is deeply in love with, but he’s still hiding things. As he spins more lies and reasons not to make the effort, I’m disgusted with him and engaged in this love story, caring that he’s hurt her and as the truth comes out, her anger, pain and rage jump off the page. It’s with genuine artistry that you have the reader sympathetic towards Jade and wanting to hurt Brady.

The chapters after they meet in Atlantic City are as powerful as their first sex scene. She's torn between telling him to get out of her life and finding answers. It takes a very strong woman not to let him rot in the life he wants to escape. As Jade struggles with decisions, every subsequent step she takes rips the readers in half. Some readers will scream at you but I get it, she doesn't want to give up on a friendship she has invested so much in. I feel sorry for both of them trapped in a situation. Her decision to see him again, potentially saying goodbye, has me agreeing, that yes she should move on, but Brady is her chosen drug and she needs a daily hit.

The anticipation of meeting him builds and you give us just enough to know, she wants to end it, but she’s not sure what will happen once she sees him. As they meet, she re connects with him and desire takes over. She needs him but this time their meeting is about her empowerment and she’s taking the situation in her own hands. She deserves more but she’s taking what she can get, allowing herself not to rely on this guy.

To watch Jade as she goes on a journey of discovery is at times truly heartbreaking. I watch from above, looking through the individual scenes, as she falls for the man of her dreams and suffers as he uses her. This story has engaged my mind to look at my own circumstances and draw the similarities in the two lives. At times, personally it’s hard not to feel a kinship with Jade, as she struggles with treatments, decisions and events that unfold. This only happens because the writing is packed full of emotion, experience and heartfelt expression of self. The story is conveyed in an effortless style, allowing me to join her on the journey of discovery.

Well done, excellent book

I have put this on my watch list.. i like your pitch very much.

I shall read in the next few days. Please do read mine... Kate web of deceit

Wow, what an amazing prologue! Your pitch was good but your prologue was the thing that really gripped me. Your imagery is fantastic. You describe just enough for the reader. It is incredibly emotive. I love the contrast with the light hearted opening to the first chapter. Your humour is subtle and very funny. I think many women could identify with the nervous giggles!! I think the shift back into reality with a bang is great. It tells a story of real life and the unexpected. Your style is smooth and polished. This is very much my kind of book and I would buy it, so I wish you the very best of luck.

Backed and highly star rated.

Best wishes,
Laura
Beneath the Blossom Tree

Wendiann. I have to agree with the others. How cool is this simple story but with such intelligence behind the writing. I need something to engage my mind when I first start reading a book and this did just that. Its very clever in that sense too. Nice story, with a great flow to it and a brilliant pace to it. It matches the pace of the book in that you can speed your descriptions up as and when you please to keep that perfect momentum of this book. I can see this doing well. I loved it and score it high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

And When

This is great - i loved it right from the start... an eery description of a woman waking up, really that's all it is, but you paint it in such a cool way

i love Jade's thought process - how she relates to people as she hides from them....

i'm not surprised at the books position in the charts, i'm very surprised that it doesn't have daily comments
will be pimping this one out soon for sure!

Jaclyn x
My Life Without Me

Pimp List - http://authonomy.com/forums/threads/107068/for-what-it-s-worth/

Oh, Wendy...you have such a gift. You have created living, breathing people that I look at with such hopeful expectations. I want them to have a happily ever after...and so hope, against hope, that they do.
Six stars and a want for more...
Linda
Daniel Simmons Journey
and
Children Walking with Jesus

Having read the first five chapters I can see why this book is in the top 100. I've no doubt it will continue to rise to the ED in due course.
The story starts off with a fairly routine tale of Jade and her day to day life, relationships etc, but swiftly draws the reader in as she finds a lump in her neck, followed by the inevitable struggle with medical procedure, during which time her father is diagnosed with terminal cancer. The writing effortlessly displays the real life scenario where a person living an ordinary, mundane life can so easily be plunged into turmoil with a few unforeseen events and what makes the story even more gripping is that it can, and does, happen to people every day.
This book is already on my watchlist, and now has a high star rating and will have a place on my bookshelf in the near future. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger In My Life

Good story. read through Chapter 5. The writing is goof but it does seem go be missing some description. I feel like I don't know the surroundings - how things look. Intially the story moved at a good pace but then it slowed. Your pitch seems to tell the story of romance but it is taking a long time to get there. The flow is good and easy so it held my interest and made me turn the page but then I got restless looking for when dhs took up on the computer and her online community.

You just say names without introducing who the characters are. I didn't know who the guy was that came over with the tools or who spent the night with her. You should tell a little about them.

Overall, I think you did a good job on the story just work on filling in the writing. I did feel teary eyed when I found out about her father.

Good job.

Abby

Enjoyed this, rated and will add to WL and back as soon as space. Sue 'It's a Dog's Life'

Dear Wendy:

I read the prologue. You know how to tell a story and the pacing is good. Clear concise writing that is not difficult to read and moves the story forward. Good luck!
Starring.

Simone Marie
My Rhapsody

And When

This is chick lit at its best. Although it is light-hearted and Jade’s concerns range from what to with an ugly feature wall to how to make coffee in a teapot, there’s clearly, right from the start, a much more serious side. This makes it stand out from the rest. I like the title too. It's unusual and fits well with the premise.

Prologue

You move between the dream and wakefulness effortlessly, without having to labour the point.
“He wasn’t taken, he left.” is lovely.
The identity of the man who appears in Jade’s dream is hidden at this point although I guess most people would assume he was her lover. From the pitch, it seems like it’s probably her father.

Chapter One

I like the idea that the compliments are like unfinished sentences. That’s nicely observed.
I wasn’t quite sure (and this might be me being a bit dim) whether you meant Jade and Eric literally got married six months ago. Or was it that their living together just got too much for them?
The paragraph about Jade growing up with alcoholic parents is done well. You have a skill for giving the reader a picture with only a few words.

Although I haven’t read far enough to get to it yet, I can see from your pitch that this is overall a hopeful story and the tone you have fits well with that. I like that you have made Jade more than just an every woman type of character and that your supporting cast of characters, particularly Jade’s father, are well-fleshed out. Highly starred and one to return to.

Lucy

Wow Wendy!!! This was definitely a book that plays on the readers emotions. You've done a fantastic job of developing your characters and explaining in vivid pictures their illnesses and demons.
I can imagine many people fed up with the painstakingly inept "medical' process to be able to relate. The loss of the father had me near tears and her unwavering strength through all the awful stuff life throws at her and still manages to continue on and plow through somehow is inspiring.
I read up to chapter 7 and will definitely read more. High stars and as soon as I have room I will back for sure.
Nicely done:)
Elke
'Ella In Between'

Hi Wendy

Sorry, I managed to take your book off my shelf by accident earlier, but back on there now!

Jules x

I request you to find place for my father's book 'Ozoneraser'
in your shelf for some time.

thank you

This is an interesting book. Everything starts off right away, drawing the reader in to see what is going on.
It has a flow that keeps things going and interest.
The story itself is really different as is the title.
You've done a good job with this.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds, when you have a moment to. :)

Hi Wendy

I read chapters 1-6 and 17/18
Here are a few thoughts:


Title: Intriguing, raises curiosity
Pitches: They sound alright, but do not quite reflect the story's strength of voice.

The intro starts with a bang, introducing the MC and her character,while hinting at an event which transverses the given realities, and which is brought to life with parts of dialogue trying to cross the divide.The tension created by the vision in the hotel-room exerts a strong gravitational pull into the story. I felt goose-pimples reading it and wanted to know more about the relationship between those two people.

The MC Jade has a strong personality who comes across as energetic and determined, yet able to show sensitivity, compassion and love towards other people, especially her family. I found this an endearing feature. My favourite description concerning her character : Jade was good at seeing through the 'what if' game except when it came to her own life.

I found the story believable and the characters convincing. The discussion of traditional medicine versus alternative methods added an extra dimension and introduced an interesting skew while keeping it level-headed and rational. The reader is tempted into making different connections, including diagnosis, underlying belief-issues, body-image, power-relations in health care and methods of healing and recovery. This area seemed well researched from different perspectives and angles.

I enjoyed the read due to the strong voice, the diverse story-line, the family connections, the medical theme which was presented in a colourful way, and the plot which highlighted hopes, fears and problems of everyday occurrence without becoming stereotype. Best wishes - Ame

Wendy,
I've read to the end of Chapter 4. This is a heart-rending and very believable account of a family facing illness and death. It seems so hard for Jade to have to cope with her dad's sudden illness as well as her own problems. Sometimes life is really like that, I guess.
I think your dialogue is a real strength and your scenes and transitions are clear. As you asked, I've made some notes of the odd typo or change of tense which I'll list out in a message.
All best wishes,
Kate

Hi Wendy,
I started reading this and couldn't stop since the blurb sounded a lot like my own book Rough Diamonds which started out as an internet chat novel. A lot of people told me it would never catch on! I kept the original premise, but toned it down somewhat. I think they are wrong. It does work.
I've read 8 chapters and skimmed through chapter 9 and enjoying the ride.
I have to admit I had tears in my eyes watching Tom suffer his way through cancer. I watched my dad die the same way and it brought painful memories back. My mother has just come out of hospital after having a tumour removed from her bladder and we are waiting on the results.
So basically, I think you have a great idea for a story. Yes it still needs quite a bit of polishing, in later chapters it's very clipped, as if if there is a lot more gap filling to be done. That's fine, I have the same issues.
I can see that you are more than capable of acomplishing where you need to get to.
Good luck and best wishes with it.
Sue
Rough DIamonds. Hope you get a chance to take a look. It's surprising how similar it is.

Dear Wendy

I first looked at "And When" several months ago, and have taken another look at the first five upload chapters. First of all, you have clearly done a lot of work, tidying up the MS and taking on board suggestions. Hard work editing, that has had great results!

I felt for your MC, Jade, who feels very true to life. She has more than her fair share of troubles, and yet she is a trooper. I love your dialogue, where she comes across as strong and convincing. I felt that, as I read on, your story also got stronger, until by chapter five, I said, "Here, is something very readable indeed!" I am not sure where lies the difference, but it may have to do with the emotion of the subject, the way you write about Jade's family troubles, as if you have experienced them for yourself. Parts of this really felt like an autobiography.

There are times when you can slow down, and go into more detail. A little background description always helps to build context, and you don't need to use too much. Backstory helps to colour a scene, to bring it flickering up into the readers' lives.

Take care, Wendy, and keep writing! Yours is a passionate and candid voice. I have upped my rating.

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" xx :)

Wendy,
Only read the first chapter. This is a complicated, multi-layered story of a very brave woman. The preface makes me want to figure out the relationship between Brady Gibbs and Jade. It was unclear if he is dead or just someone who disappeared from her life and I'm sure that was your intent.
When Chapter one begins it is a much more straight forward story of her move and home renovation, but I wonder how the preface relates. Did she lose her friend and that's why she moved, did she move and then lose him, or is the preface the ending of the book and she will soon lose him? Will definitely need to read more to decide.
Doctor's visit well described. I love the dialogue with her sister and her dad. Realistic and shows their close relationships.
I'm not ot a grammarian, but a little editing would help since you like convoluted sentence structure as much as I do.
Good luck in your writing. Will keep you on my watchlist and try to get back to read more soon.
Janet
The Milche Bride
Clarissa's Kitchen

Hi Wendy
A great read, really touching and emotional. There's a lot to like here. I am looking forward to reading more.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

Captivating. Your writing is well paced and you make me care and want to read on. I keep on hopping form one possibility as to what is causing the illness. Well done. WL

Wendy, I've only read the first three chapters and I can already tell this is a powerful story. Well-written and full of emotion. Your characters are likable and the dialogue perfect.

My only advice is that you might want to use more variety in your sentence structure. In the first six paragraphs of the opening, you use a lot of participial phrases:
Sitting bolt upright in bed,
Stuggling to unwind her body
Leaving the bedroom
Reaching for her cigarettes,
Rubbing her forehead,
Whispering in the dark,
Packing her new clothes,
Using holiday time
Heading for the stairway
Finishing her cigarette
Making it to the top landing
Taking a deep breath
These phrases are fine, but varying the sentence structure will help the writing flow more smoothly. I noticed this because it's something I used to do a lot and a literary agent pointed it out to me.

I hope this helps.

I really like your book and will be back to read more.

Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)

good pitch. draws me in. compelling and well told...
j
what every woman should know

Utterly believable and completely engaging.
I found this very easy to fall into, and the confident writing carried me along. The dialogue works well and the pace is nippy.

I'm starring now, and will give it a spin on my shelf soon.

Good luck!
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

Wendy, it is clear from reading the first few chapters of 'And When' that you are a skilled writer with a keen eye to detail and a capacity to peel away the various layers of human nature. Your characters come to life very early on in the story and in my opinion this is the mark of a good writer. There is also such ease and authenticity in the bond you establish between Jade and her father. The sibling jousting flows really well too and I like the humour. High stars from me! Maria (Georgina's Family) :)

What a lovely story, and so well written! I can relate to the main character, since my Dad came down with Alzheimer's when I was about the same age as Jade. Her connection to the online world is less familiar to me, but very believable the way you describe it. Congratulations on a very nice piece of work. High stars, backed. ~Jane

I read the pitch for And When and was immediately drawn in as I love books with strong emotions as the theme. I am glad that you have not rushed straight into Jade's illness and instead have built up her background so that the reader feels a strong bond with her before anything serious starts to happen. Death is always a painful subject (my novel Pain deals with death too, albeit of a child) and you have handled it sensitively and without an overload of emotion. I also like the twist of online dating. Many a horror story could be written on that subject! I find your writing accomplished and easy to read and I wish you every success in reaching the ED.

Kim (Pain)

As you rightly stated, the very mention of 'chick-lit' is enough to send me scarpering, but i read a few of your chapters, and i have to say i couldn't find fault with it. Most of the chick-lit i have read on here through reciprocal reads has been fairly appalling, but your is a pleasant exception. I wouldn't necessarily even describe it as chick lit, it's just good, solid, grown-up mainstream fiction. Women will undoubtedly be your main, if not entire, audience. but it's just very well written.
I wouldn't ever choose to read something like this, but i'm glad to have been very pleasantly suprised by the high quality of writing on display here.
I'm afraid i can't offer much constructive crit, as it's not my genre, but i'll award high stars and say very well done for proving to this deeply cynical man that there is some good writing within the chick-lit genre.

~And When~

Beautifully and sensitively written, And When follows the trials and tribulations of Jade, whose strength is tested after she is diagnosed with thyroid cancer and her father’s unexpected death. Proteau paints a powerfully emotional picture of a family in turmoil. And When will leave you laughing, crying and everything else inbetween. It is a real page-turner and not to be missed!

A joy to read and highly recommended! I have highly-starred and watchlisted And When (which I will be backing as soon as I find some space on my bookshelf).

Thanks for a wonderful read!

Iman xxx

Miss Manners: http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

This is one of my guilty pleasures. its a novel built on the "real life" experiences of one young lady going through a hard time. This is well written, full of emotion and despite its serious nature very easy to read. Got to the end of around chapter 5 this morning and will keep reading, as I think it will suprise me even more.

Good pitch. It is interesting, and makes the reader want to read on. I really like the opening to your first chapter, but i fell that Jade doesn't need to reply to the doctor after he says "you can get dressed." It just doesn't feel super realistic, because I don't think I would say that to my doctor, I would probably just nod. "It was weird having a good-looking doctor, as his hands roamed, tapped, and touched she felt like a nervous twit." It is a good line, but these sentences don't really flow together, it gives the reader two different things going on at once, maybe seperate them and add on to the last one so your readers understand what is going on. "Nope," maybe no, it sounds a little childish to use the word nope. "think with getting organized," maybe "think about getting organized." It just sounds odd with the with. You have an interesting concept here, but it is losing my interest quickly. This isn't exactly something I would pick up and read in a store, but you have a great voice and I think if you just went through and rechecked your dialogue and make it feel a little more realistic, you will have a great story. Thanks for the comment and backing. Starred.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

hello , Wendiann-

book- And When-

Read the first four chapters and then scan read many more until i came to chapter 8 , the core of the story .
not that i didn't find the first few interesting, i did in fact as poor Jade get wrapped up in her new house and she copes with the bad news from her doctor after a few visits.

the read in my mind now only really takes off as she sits down to find a friend on the on line.
and friend she finds almost immediate ' hello how are you , followed by what size are your boobs ';

nice sense of humour suddenly appears into this book, as it gets better and better as i read on, really enjoying it now.

.all in all it one good up to the minute book, especially for those who run to the on- line dating when looking
for friendship and or love. they will relate.

i can see this book of yours Wendiann doing very well as it rises on the way to the editors desk
and i wish you good luck with it,
i give it my six stars in this chick-lit genre.

tom bye
book- from hugs to kisses;
oblige and glance at some of mine please.nearest i get to chick-lit is chapters-22-23-38-40,

A few comments. "Raised in a disfunctional familiy" sits uncomfortably where you have placed it, as if you are speaking out of turn. In any case, lots of people think they were raised in one of these. Leave it out, or find somewhere else to put this info.

What is wrong with being forty? I don't suppose the doctor is thinking anything about that.

I think you need a brighter cover, I think, as i can hardly see it. Perhaps it is my new reading glasses.....back to do some more reading, Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

Hey Wendi, Finished the 2nd chapter...Not many suggestions or comments. See if you can end each chapter with a punch, something that pulls the reader into reading the next chapter immediately. Rest of it is smooth, as usual!

Kamaneeya

Wendy, what are you doing to poor Jade? This is such a roller coaster of emotions. It's very easy to get pulled into this story, to watch Jade going from a very normal life to the pain of losing her father and constantly worrying about her own health. It's horrific to watch her wait and wait for a diagnosis and suffer all that uncertainty. It's very easy to see why she would turn to the computer and people who don't judge her with grief and worry but who are happy to chat and flirt. They give her an escape.

I read to the end of chapter nine and really like the email exchange that has started, bringing Brady in and already a routine is building in her life around this man.

I've left this chapter hoping Jade will have some answers soon and that Brady can offer her a glimmer of happiness.

Hi Wendy

I love this book, I think that you really lay to story out nicely and the characters are great. I straight away warmed to Jade and who hasnt gone through the whole smear thing without cringing?! The relationship between her and her family is obviously really strong, and you develop the relationship with her dad really well. By the end of the second chapter I was completely hooked. I thought you dealt with the illness really well, and more than once I have found myself thinking about her as if she were a real living person! A real page turner, I am sure it will do really really well.

Julia

I just finished your first chapter and I enjoyed it a lot. I mean I usually read about characters that are closer to my age (teenagers) but I think that you just proved that a forty year old's personality is as interesting and relatable as an eighteen year old's. The beginning scene at the doctor's was really funny. I love the awkwardness of it. I think Jade is a really interesting character and she speaks her mind especially when she's around her friend. I think her starting over after a harsh break up is very relatable. It's weird that you're not familiar with Young Adult novels because if you never mentioned Jade's age, young adults will have no reason not to enjoy it! Let me know when this one becomes a best seller one day!

Hello Wendi, I have read the premise of your book and it is touching. Completed the first chapter and loved your writing style. You seem to have added subtle humor to the script which makes it fun to read. Backed your book and starred.
Kamaneeya

i read the first chapter, and it read pretty fast- i like that. i love the way the two sisters interact with each other- its clear they're close but at the same time they remind me of my friends and i since we tease each other so much. your writing- description and dialogue- seemed really natural and not forced. the only negative thing i didnt like was your long pitch- it almost seemed like you gave too much away and was a summary. other than that, it was an enjoyable read. ill try to read more when ive got the chance.
hoping to hear your feedback on Gut Instincts,
melissa :)

And When. I have been directe3d by a mutual friend to your book, and reading your pitches, I'm not disappointed. What an intriguing theme, including the internet! Your cover looks a bit dark. No doubt I'll see the significance of the title as I read on.
I take notes as I write, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. A compelling beginning, with just the right touch of humour, and a skilful introduction to Jade and the doctor.
I wonder if might more subtlely turn that authorial paragraph about Jane's looks, feelings and past into dialogue and actions.
Love that wise maxim of choosing battles wisely, but isnt 'keeping quiet over small problems' a bit of a repetition?
That authorial paragraph about them always rasing each other seems out of place. The banter between the sisters shows it well enough.
You repeat clow/ly in one sentence, and filter three times in a paragraph.
'Twould be wise to avoid unnecessary words like very.
Be careful to give all sentences the correct subject. It reads as if Jade had retired a year ago. But I see you've got the Impeccable Editor on your shelf. I've just purchased an hour of excellent professional from him/her, and learned so much.
Isnt it reek, not Wreak?
You dont give the reader much of an idea of what Jade does for a living, but perhaps that's not important.
A bit of a hook at the end of the chapter might not be out of place - perhaps a nagging worry about that pap smear?

Ch.2. I'm happy to be back in the doctor's surgery, but you repeat still in the first two paragraphs.
Perhaps you could bring some of that vividly imagined pap smear into this scene as the real thing? You describe it so well in the first chapter.
Jade sure has a lot of friends to call on for the building work.
My interest immediately quickens when that lump appears, and your story flows much better thereafter.
I just have to read on.

Ch.3. I agree - how can anyone tell someone not to worry when they've had an experience like that. You speak straight to the heart of someone who's been through it with a loved one. And I think all doctors should read your book.
Wow. A double whammy.

You have an excellent story here, and a great way of describing the agony of it.
I'm sorry if you find I have been over-critical, but your book is worth getting right. It will take hours of edits and re-edits, but we all have to do it.

I'm giving you stars and putting you on my w/list for further reading, as I havent even got to the internet bits yet!

Jane. (Breath of Africa)

Great read...
I loved it Wendy.
Good work!

RonG

Hello again... so i said i'd be back once i finished the online stuff and here I am.

There is a marked difference in reading this work, once we get into the online world and her health improves. Jade comes to life and starts to take control of her life, but shes still not got her confidence back and therefore still prefers the onlne world. You cant blame her really, i suppose, although ive never been that ill, that its what people do, they withdraw becasue they cant join in and when they venture back out when they are well, things have changed, they have changed. Cant be easy.

Brady comes across at first as a gentleman but we do get to see his other side. men eh... complicated creatures and just when you've got em figured out they do something stupid and we wonder who the hell they are again. His initial interactions with Jade are as one would expect, flirty and coy, as they are when they start to call one another and you do give us a sense that this relationship is going somewhere and they have a future together, which is why I found him infuriating when he wouldnt meet her.

You show great emotional skill in making me feel her dissapointment when he jerks her around and by god, all us women will hate him for that. She deserves a man not a wimp who will run away when its convenient. if he wasnt always talking to her, phone, email, instant messaging, my cat senses would be telling me somethings wonky, not right, hes upto something, maybe,

So eventually they meet and oh my, that is some scene. I will admit that when she was waiting for him, at her friends, i did wonder if all that flirting would lead to something and it does, wow. Its slow, just as it would be for two mature people, then the passion takes over and its hot, boy is it hot. Now that is how to describe what, lets face it, is the first time those two characters have been together.

I really enjoyed reading this and more importantly finishing it. I do think at times it could be a little faster, but thats a personal view. On the whole I found this a really good read and something i found enjoyable.

Great beginning. I could tell right away that I was reading something that was written by a woman who knew what she was doing. Your writing flows, you dialogue stands out and is quite funny at times, and it’s well edited. You don’t go overboard on description or do to little. It’s perfect. Starting off at the doctors was a great idea. It immediately showed a lot about Jade: she’s shy, self-conscious, and not full over herself which I love and makes a likeable character. Then you bring her right home to her new home. You don’t jump around, saying she’s here one minute then there the next. It all transitions very well. Lisa . . . well she comes off as a funny sister, which seems to run through the family. I love her dad. Just him coming over to see how things were going and to help really is wonderful. I can relate and I think many can because our dads are just like hers. They want to help their kids.

When her friends came by, I started noticing the length of the chapter. I loved the read but it hit me right then that this is a long chapter. After finishing it, I think you have to split it in two. It will read faster and won’t turn off the readers who this is not their genre. You want to attract as many people as you want even if they only love horror and thrillers.

Wow! You have me in the story! I’m not a supervisor but I’m kind of funny and a kind-hearted man. too funny. Overall . . . superb writing. 6 stars.

“Okay, doc” comma missing

“Friends joked they were like . . .” At first read this seemed like it was missing a word, but after rereading it it made total sense. So it’s correct. But I just wanted to bring it up.

“to-do list” second time around. This seems fine but it felt repetitive. I tried taking ‘to-do’ out but then some people might not remember what kind of list she is talking about. Another it’s correct but I wanted to bring it to your attention.

“Hiya Pops” really?! that was so funny to me. What an energetic woman she is.

I like the way Jade comes across in the opening chapters. Someone you would like to get to know. There is a softness there ... a reflection of someone we all have known in our lives ... mom, sister, wife, your choice. You left me smiling ... Thanks!

JC

Compelling, powerful plot and fine character development. Highly starred and backed.

Ive read about 2/3rds of this now, and i do intend to finish and make this the second book i finish on here.

Its obvious to me that this is a journey and every journey has to have a starting point and really, where better to start than with uncertanty and thats what you do by starting with the doctors office. We are plunged right in to Jades what if scenario. I like that! Straight away we get to see the strength of a lady with her back against the wall.

Too many books dance along, everything is fine and bam something goes wrong, here something is wrong from the start, then we get to see how wrong. I love the chapter titles, subtley telling us what we need to know, but not offering too much, not giving the story away too much. Nice touch, and one missing from so many books.

I found the chapters interesting as she gives up on western medicine and turns to native healing, its something thats always interested me, and Ive often wondered if it would be better for us. So it was nice to see this helping her.

At times especially with her fathers struggle, i felt the pain on the page, and it made me remember my own fathers passing. Thats is the greatness of those early chapters. Its not about how you write, where you are, is your character happy etc, its how you make the reader relate to the character, thats what makes us turn the next page and you do. Every person who has lost someone can relate, remember and feel for Jade.

By not over doing it you make us appreciate what we have, and make us keep reading knowing more is to come. Thats a nice skill, you leave us to think about the pain, think about the emotions we feel and form a bond with the character.

Then as she goes on to fight and to make her own decisions on treatments, we are with her every step of the way, willing her forward.

Ive just got to the internet parts, so i will finish them and come back and comment more

Backed this, Very competent, straight to the heart of the plot, no excess verbiage, a strong book with a strong subject just bright for the big strong woman who is the MC. Well done you.
Rosalind
Good for Him

So ive read about half of this just now, will read the rest and the follow up later tonight, or tommorow and comment further.

What Ive read so far is heartfelt and you really can deliver the emotional side to writing. Illness is never easy to read about or write but you do manage. I like the coronlogical order to this book, there is a beginning, not just to the book but to jades problems. I like the fact were not reading about the issued 20 pages into the work, we know from the start something is wrong and its going to get worse.

I really do like this, will be back. Im a sucker for the promise of a hunky man x

This read well. Pacy yet not rushing the main points so that the reader carries on going, to find out. You introduce your main character without jumping right in to the 'action' which seems popular advice, and this lets us come to know and like her first. She's real - not 'beautiful.' slim and unnatural, a likeable person with the same fears and concerns everyone has. Your style is 'chatty' and plain speaking, which makes for a smooth read, but it deals with serious and very modern concerns in a way that is funny, honest, and tense in turns. Good stuff.
Cariad.

This is a bit grittier than I normal read and ive got to about chapter 8 or 9 but its a wonderful read, jam packed full incident, heartbreak and real life. Its not all sticky sweet and reads really well. I founf this in the monthly best books, along with your second one, which I will read later. it says a huge amount about a writer when both books are considered high in their intended bracket.

You write with a realism I havent seen in a while, emotional truths but also a sense that she will not be beaten, she will recover and she will get what she wants from life.

Well done