Snow Bound

Hi Justis,

The book’s opening murders are creepy. Then as the story shifts to several seemingly unrelated point-of-view characters while Sarah prepares to battle an unknown evil, I wondered where it was all going. The book didn’t seem to be collecting clues as in a mystery, yet still kept me very interested.

I liked Sarah and Karen's backstory. I thought they were cute together, as was Karen's first introduction to boys and dating. Sarah and Karen not leaving footprints while traveling easily through blinding snow reminded me of the Yuki-Onna of Japanese legend. Were they possibly inspired by them?

I really like the ‘Writings of Sarah’ on mostly every other chapter. A lot to think about. Sarah’s arguments about being hurt and being a victim are also interesting. Although, there are people are hurt yet don’t seek to harm others, and continue to suffer inside. I wonder what she would call that . . . ?

The people fighting hard against the ghost’s temptations are scary. At the same time, it’s funny to see Sarah debating on level with the dark ghost and casually sipping soda. It's like they're each playing a game, seeing which side will win over the pieces' souls. You get to see into the tormented minds of each character, struggling with what they each want.

We all at times want to embrace our darker emotions. Fear, pain, revenge, competition, lust . . . they're all very real parts of life and I think we are pressured far to much to keep them suppressed. It's exciting to read a story that shows such conflict, and the blizzard-covered mountains are a perfect setting.

The mysteriousness kept me reading through ch 11. This is a fascinating work. I haven't read anything like this before. I'm impressed with the writing. I liked the interludes, the gems of insight that make one ponder, i.e., not to allow oneself to be subjugated, and another was, where the choice beween good and evil becomes muddled, one is losing one's self, but if the choice becomes indistinguishable, then one is already lost. The one sentence that made me chuckle was, "Never, ever, underestimate the actions of an intelligent moron." I think, with your permission, I'll adopt that one when I bump into the next "intelligent moron." Great line. The dialogue between your characters sounded natural. The Sarah character, living on the border between good and evil and the shadow cast upon her, is intriguing, and her interaction with Karen piqued my curiosity about what awaits them, so I'll continue reading.
Donna
No Kiss Goodbye

Hi Justis, the word is getting round about your book, after reading the first few chapters, i can see why. You have such a powerful opening chapter - i was on the edge of my seat, the screams literally sent chills down my back! Amazing work conveying the intensity to the reader, WOW. I look forward to returning and reading more soon. Good luck, Little Miggy x

SNOW BOUND
I live in southern California where it never snows so a book titled Snow Bound really caught my eye. I like the idea that magic is an addiction so can lead to events never anticipated. The beginning is dramatic with the constant screaming, but nothing compared to what happens when the little girl picks up that baby (I won’t spoil this for other readers – just know this is a scary scary took). People totally out of control. I think your writing style is just right for this; it’s clear and concise and the many short scenes give it a sense of urgency; makes a reader keep reading “just one more”. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

I read the first 2 chapters, WONDERFUL! I did notice there wasn't a great deal of dialogue but somehow i waas so engrossed in the writing I barely noticed and didn't miss it. Well done . I have rated highly and plan on returning to read more!
Red

I have to begin by telling you that this is not the sort of book that I'm a fan of. I decided to read it after seeing it recommended by another author that I enjoy.
However, I am a fan of good writing and your writing style fits your story perfectly. Juxtaposition - that's a great tool that you use. You work to engage all five of the senses in your writing, a technique many writers forget to use.
I give you high stars for writing the story in a way that fits the genre.
Your book is on my Watch List and will be going to my Bookshelf this week.
Of course I would appreciate a return read on my book, "Tucker's Way."
- David Johnson

Justis, I have come across this book in the hope that its a million miles away from my genre. well it is. the reasons will become apparent. I love this story and where its going. There is a lovely flow to it which a lot of people may overlook due to the nature of your story line. You have a great descriptive voice that I think the reader will love. You apply that well when you talk about your characters. All that and the pace of the book spells 'Winner' to me. So well done and good score.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Wow! Dark, obsessive, compelling. It was hard to stop reading, but I have nightmares easily and felt I should! You write well, and create an atmosphere quickly. Excellent job.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

Snow Bound

The first chapter, the Prologue, gave a good start to this story of sorcery and magic, and a hint of danger. In chapter 2 we see some of the evil, with murder for no apparent reason. And so the story continues.

The interjection of Sarah’s writings in between most chapters is excellent.

Your writing style is very good.

I enjoyed reading the book and have given it a high star rating.

Some typos in the early chapters:

Chapter 2: “Many of the pretty , white things in the house seemed to exhibit …” Position of the comma after “pretty”, no space required.

Chapter 4: “But it was mostly her eyes that gave her the appearance of being fade d.” Space shouldn’t be between the e and d in faded.

Chapter 4: “B eside him, lying partly on the floor and partly on the …” Space shouldn’t be between B and e in Beside.

Chapter 4: “About ten minutes later the door to the back room opened and Sarah walked out. he was carrying a large, black bound book in her hand. Behind her, the darkness followed.” “he” should be “She”.

Chapter 5:” I can a read a person as if I had known them their entire lives.” First “a” not required.

Probably unavoidable but in the start of chapter 4 the word “auction” is used a lot of times!

Charles Knightley
The Secret of Netley Abbey

Hi Justis,

The book’s opening murders are creepy. Then as the story shifts to several seemingly unrelated point-of-view characters while Sarah prepares to battle an unknown evil, I wondered where it was all going. The book didn’t seem to be collecting clues as in a mystery, yet still kept me very interested.

I liked Sarah and Karen's backstory. I thought they were cute together, as was Karen's first introduction to boys and dating. Sarah and Karen not leaving footprints while traveling easily through blinding snow reminded me of the Yuki-Onna of Japanese legend. Were they possibly inspired by them?

I really like the ‘Writings of Sarah’ on mostly every other chapter. A lot to think about. Sarah’s arguments about being hurt and being a victim are also interesting. Although, there are people are hurt yet don’t seek to harm others, and continue to suffer inside. I wonder what she would call that . . . ?

The people fighting hard against the ghost’s temptations are scary. At the same time, it’s funny to see Sarah debating on level with the dark ghost and casually sipping soda. It's like they're each playing a game, seeing which side will win over the pieces' souls. You get to see into the tormented minds of each character, struggling with what they each want.

We all at times want to embrace our darker emotions. Fear, pain, revenge, competition, lust . . . they're all very real parts of life and I think we are pressured far to much to keep them suppressed. It's exciting to read a story that shows such conflict, and the blizzard-covered mountains are a perfect setting.

The mysteriousness kept me reading through ch 11. This is a fascinating work. I haven't read anything like this before. I'm impressed with the writing. I liked the interludes, the gems of insight that make one ponder, i.e., not to allow oneself to be subjugated, and another was, where the choice beween good and evil becomes muddled, one is losing one's self, but if the choice becomes indistinguishable, then one is already lost. The one sentence that made me chuckle was, "Never, ever, underestimate the actions of an intelligent moron." I think, with your permission, I'll adopt that one when I bump into the next "intelligent moron." Great line. The dialogue between your characters sounded natural. The Sarah character, living on the border between good and evil and the shadow cast upon her, is intriguing, and her interaction with Karen piqued my curiosity about what awaits them, so I'll continue reading.
Donna
No Kiss Goodbye

This is a wonderfully written story. Right about at the time I was starting to become confused and a little irritated by the multiple stories, they started to come together really nicely. I really like the minimalist approach to this story, it is refreshing and adds a lot of interest. There are some grammatical issues in some places, which I can point out if you want, but those generally get worked out eventually. This is wonderful; I'm only sorry the whole thing isn't on here for me to read.

This is a wonderfully written story. Right about at the time I was starting to become confused and a little irritated by the multiple stories, they started to come together really nicely. I really like the minimalist approach to this story, it is refreshing and adds a lot of interest. There are some grammatical issues in some places, which I can point out if you want, but those generally get worked out eventually. This is wonderful; I'm only sorry the whole thing isn't on here for me to read.

Justis,

I've just started reading your novel after it was recommended by another author, and I am excited to see how it moves forward. I don't feel a strong connection to any of the characters yet, but am drawn in enough by the way you've weaved the stories together that I still want to read more! I hope to offer you more helpful comments as I continue through the book.

Hi Justis,
I think you have created something very special with Sarah. While having a certain arrogance, she also exudes a confidence and capability that warrant it. Add to this her "darkness," (love that line..."Welcome to my darkness."), and she becomes a powerful and extremely unique main character that I want to get to know. Fantastic stuff! Look forward to reading the entirety.

--Julie, Running Home

I used to live in Philadelphia where it snowed every winter, sometimes keeping us snowbound for days. I live in Florida now. Whew! No snow.
The first chapter was pefect and took me in, notr easy to do. I read three chapters and will come bnack for more later. Five stars.

Hi Justis!
I came across Snow Bound, and am very excited to read it! Would you be interested in taking a look at my novel, Running Home, and giving a little insight? I will get back to you with comments on your novel asap. The pitch is fantastic.

--Julie

Justis
I read some of this a couple of months ago but have returned to read more. I re-read your beautiful opening and then moved on to chapter 2. I like the humour in this, 'A young man wizard, trying to show off to a young lady by proving himself fire-proof ... ' and then the Tiger-man being dealt witht by Sarah until he is left repeating, 'It's not nice to hit girls.'
Chapter 3 works well as you build character profiles and leave us with a confused Janine, who doesn't understand her feelings. Mystery at the way she bruises so easily.
Sarah's Writings are well-written and serve to tell us a little more about her each time another appears. I like the way you drip-feed this information between each chapter. It is very effective and stops the story from running away with itself. In fact, she has control over the story itself as she 'interrupts' at regular intervals to divulge a little more about herself.
I liked the dialogue in chapter 4. The plot is beginning to take shape with Karen being asked by Mother to go to her friend Sarah. I like the relationship you have created between Mother, Karen and Tyrone.

This is extremely well-written and has great character,s together with believable dialogue that moves the story along with ease. I am very glad I have re-visited this.

Debbie

Hi Justis, the word is getting round about your book, after reading the first few chapters, i can see why. You have such a powerful opening chapter - i was on the edge of my seat, the screams literally sent chills down my back! Amazing work conveying the intensity to the reader, WOW. I look forward to returning and reading more soon. Good luck, Little Miggy x

Hi Justis; I have been recommended to your book by a friend who knows what I like, WOW, she must really know!
I found myself up to chapter four before even realising I'd started. I loved your writing style, so easy, so dark, so exact.
I loved the general chaos of the early chapters, it was rather like James Herbert's The Fog, at least in the resulting madness. Unlike that book and many others of the sort, you never let the reader forget that it is Sarah who is the star here. The interludes are a firm reminder of that and break up the main work nicely. Also, we are reminded that the main focus here is magic, not horror. This has to go on my Watchlist and quite frankly I cannot believe it isn't on more. All the best with this as it definitely deserves recognition.
RMA
The Snow Lily

Justis, Your writing has a mesmerizing quality to it. I like the prologue where Sarah is introduced. In chapter 2 we are party to the agonising screams and the old man who regularly goes into the barn with his knife. A great line, "That was when Hell was let loose." We realise that 'evil' is about to make an appearance in the story.
The sudden change to the girl sitting in the field contrasted well to the previous section. The drowning of the baby was shocking but written in a detached manner that made it all the more powerful.
Other evil acts follow, and you describe them all in a matter-of-fact manner, as it becomes clear that the individuals have no power over what they are doing.
In chapter 2 I like the idea of the Incubi and the Succubi.

This is great stuff and I like your style of writing. I am sure you will have a lot of people on the site intrigued by your vivid imagination.

Top stars and keeping you on my W/L.
Debbie

SNOW BOUND
I live in southern California where it never snows so a book titled Snow Bound really caught my eye. I like the idea that magic is an addiction so can lead to events never anticipated. The beginning is dramatic with the constant screaming, but nothing compared to what happens when the little girl picks up that baby (I won’t spoil this for other readers – just know this is a scary scary took). People totally out of control. I think your writing style is just right for this; it’s clear and concise and the many short scenes give it a sense of urgency; makes a reader keep reading “just one more”. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

SNOW BOUND
I live in southern California where it never snows so a book titled Snow Bound really caught my eye. I like the idea that magic is an addiction so can lead to events never anticipated. The beginning is dramatic with the constant screaming, but nothing compared to what happens when the little girl picks up that baby (I won’t spoil this for other readers – just know this is a scary scary took). People totally out of control. I think your writing style is just right for this; it’s clear and concise and the many short scenes give it a sense of urgency; makes a reader keep reading “just one more”. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Okay here is my portion of our book swap.

I think you are a really gifted writer and I love your writing voice.

Chapter 1 had me hooked even though I was scared to read on (in a good way).

Your word choices and vivd imagery had me engrossed. I will be back to read more!

A very great opening, and a very emotional read this deserves five stars with I rated it. I can't wait to read more later on when I get the time.

The first paragraph is gripping! A nice hook. I love your word choice, it fits well with your writing style and I especially like how this reads with piano playing in the background. This story is really intriguing to me. It is almost like reading my mind with the various questions I have or how I would react in certain situations with random deep thoughts. I am really enjoying it's development. "Pain, there was nothing but pain." Leaving your reader to try to understand what this means is an excellent way to keep them reading further. It has this mystery. The boarding house scene is probably my favorite so far of the first chapter. "Inside the boarding house, inside had to be pristine." Another great way to have the reader thinking of the images and causing them to wonder. The word alarm where you talk about the Wal-mart scene has a "u" in it that you will want to take out. I am curious now, is Sarah this ghost that is telling people to do certain things? I mean I could be way off and should just keep reading, but I have this feeling she could be part of it. The way she goes into deep thoughts and explanations about certain things that deal with magic captivates me. You really are doing an amazing job here and I look forward to having this on my bookshelf as soon as I can. I have a list going at the moment, but you will be up there soon. I wish you the best of luck and will definitely recommend this to my friends.

Auna June
Catalaysia: The Curse of Five

The second you said ‘. . . to get into my mind, to understand why I do what I do.” I was hooked. That line just makes you wonder who this person is. Is he a killer? Is he someone famous or important? That is a powerful line and that is when I told myself I was ready to read more. I didin’t read on to find out who this person was. But now we know it’s Sarah the best sorceress.

I’m glad you didn’t say she is the most powerful. It’s a cliche, and her not having that much makes her more likeable.

By her saying that we won’t comprehend it is another good line that makes us want to continue to read. It’s us saying ‘no, we CAN comprehend it. tell us!’ and we think you might so we want to read on. Good last line, too. I don’t have anything bad to say about it. I will definitely give you 6 stars. Can’t back you now because I have a list of 7 people I need to back first. But once I get through them I can give your book a go.

- Snow Bound -

(authonomy chapters 1-10)

I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read here. The various narrative voices draw the reader in and the skill to the writing is evident. I particularly like the atmospheric, almost philosophical tone to the Writings of Sarah sections.

My one worry is that the reader is perhaps kept in the dark too long in terms of where the story is going. We hop from character to character and are drawn into their stories but there doesn’t feel to be much of an arc in the plot developing as the disparate strings don’t come together until, I think, authonomy chapter ten with Sarah and Karen but by then the reader may perhaps be frustrated at not knowing where things are headed.

A minor point was the Young Adult tag on the book and whether that matches to some of the content. I have absolutely no clue as to what is customary for a YA audience but some of the talk of and attitudes towards sex in authonomy chapter six did take me back a bit due to the YA tag.

These are only my gut feelings and I’m both a complete novice as an author and no expert on the genre so I make no claim to being right in any of the points I’ve made. I hope though that they will be of some use.

All the best with it,

Ross

Justis,

I checked out you epic book, SNOW BOUND, and I liked it, so I backed it! Please take a look at my novel, DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS, for you possible backing. Your help will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Dwain-Thomas

Your writing has a lot of voice, a lot of character. I have to say that in the first couple of chapters it felt as though I was flung from one mind to the other. That stragedy can be useful in capturing attention quickly, and yes, the characters certainly drew me in, but I felt as if you kept taking the story away and taking me somewhere else just as things got interesting. Reading with pleasure, though, good approach to magic, and most importantly, character development. This has a feel of "Skin Hunger" by Kathleen Duey, if you haven't yet read it, do - it's fantastic. I have a feeling that you're discovering the story as you go, which is how you find originality, but prepare to go through a lot of drafts before the story is publishable.

Backed with enthusiasm.

Elena ("Oko").

Wow a lot of death described here.
I knew from the pitch the book was about magical powers, but when the continuous deaths began in chapter 2, I was still a little unsure what was going on.
'It' was mentioned a few times, as the reason of their untimely deaths. It wasn't until 'It' spoke of no pain that it began to sound a little bit like some hidden force which hadn't been detected.
After that paragraph 'It' seemed to be no longer mentioned at the end of chapter one, but the murders were written with more detail, description, and skill, and with narrative - which I preffered.
Maybe this was all purpously planned - I don't know. But even after reading it three times it didn't work for me. If it was my book I'd take a look at it again and work on those small captions of death so the reader knows they have some hidden force causing them. But that is just my opinion -other readers seem okay with it.
I haven't read very many chapters but I think the whole story is an interesting one. If you can continue to keep the readers interest throughout the book as you have in these first few chapters, it should do well. This is the kind of book that should sell well.
Your writing is comfortable to read. It's not too complicated and over written. I like that. It's a book I would buy, but for me it just needs a minor edit or two. I give it 5 stars.
Good luck!
Ruby Middleton 'Will Ryan'

Hi Justis,

As requested, I've had a chance to take a look at Snow Bound. I have to state at the outset that I never, ever read fantasy; it's practically a foreign language to me. So take what I say with a grain of salt.

You do a terrific job immediately creating a sense of foreboding. Horrible things are clearly in store for us, and we're dying (sorry about the pun) to know what's to come. Very well done.

I did wonder about some of the word choices. I'm not sure what you meant a "utile position." "Purveying acknowledgment.?' "Segmented orb?" I don't know of course, but it seems you may be attempting to enliven your writing with some interesting word choices, which is great, but I think sometimes that a simpler word is better than one used incorrectly.

Again, these are just some random musings from someone who is totally unfamiliar with your genre, and I realize that it's entirely possible that things might work in this type of book that wouldn't in something else. It's an intriguing concept for sure, and I wish you all the best with it.

Above all, thank you again for backing Animal Cracker. Your support means so much to me!
Best,.
Andi

I read the first 2 chapters, WONDERFUL! I did notice there wasn't a great deal of dialogue but somehow i waas so engrossed in the writing I barely noticed and didn't miss it. Well done . I have rated highly and plan on returning to read more!
Red

There are some good qualities to this book, such as the creepy atmosphere and the fast pace. The opening needs to have a stronger hook.

I’m not crazy about the prologue. I get the point, but it doesn’t excite me the way you say it. Same for the first interlude.

The opening to chapter 1 is more interesting with all the killing. Yet it switches scenes too frequently without any characters leaving a mark. It’s a lot of nameless, faceless people dying. Sure they are in dramatic moments, but if I don’t know them or care about them, that drama means little.

Chapter 2 is better. That’s where you introduce the characters and the plot. But that took too long.

There are several ways to address these issues. One way is to go more in depth with the characters in the killing scenes, whether the killers or the victims. You could even space them out in the book instead of doing them all at once. Another way is to leave the murder scenes out and have your main character hear about them and try to figure out what happened.

I'm back this because you are a strong writer. Just keep plugging away at it and study up on the genre.

Best regards,

Brian Bandell
Mute

Hi Justis,
Nice opening. Makes us want to be magic and powerful - or to find out how, so we know...
Oh! Second chapter: scary!! And horrible, when the baby dies... and the manager. geez!
Phew, powerful! Great work.
I hope you get a chance to enjoy my work also: The Multiple Choice.
Thanks for sharing. You write a very emotional piece!! Highly rated.
Monicque.

Hi Justis,

I will start by saying that I never, ever read fantasy. It's just not my thing. That said, I do recognize good wriing when i see it. Yours is very good indeed. You have a fascinating story, and I'm sure the legions of fantasy readers out there will gravitate to it. One suggestion (and this may have something to do with the genre, so I may be all wrong about this) - I found a lot of repetition of images and ideas. I'd prefer to see less of that, but again, I'm not your audience.

Well starred, and good luck with it. I hope you'll take a look at Animal Cracker.

Best,
Andi

SNOW BOUND ~ NEW NOTE: Following several recommendations, the first authonomy chapter (Prologue) has been re-written and ~ hopefully ~ is now much easier to read. Any comments and feedback on the re-write are much appreciated!

Thanks to all of you who are so very helpful,
Justis

Fascinating. What perspectives! :) I would say that the first chapter was perhaps a little wrdy, in particular the first paragraph - it seemed a little stumbling. But, wow! The second chapter is truly and incredible feat...

I read your first six Authonomy chapters a month ago. I read Authonomy chapters seven and eight today.

General comments: Good forward momentum. Fascinating characters, though I would have liked to have seen more inner thoughts in chapter eight. Excellent world building. Good descriptions. Good tension in chapter eight. Good pacing.

Specific comments on Authonomy chapter seven:
1) No nits.

Specific comments on Authonomy chapter eight:
1) Few readers read a book straight through. As a result, when we start a new chapter we authors must assume the reader has been away for a while (sometimes for a long while). Therefore, we must quickly reorient the reader with 'who' the narrator is, and 'where' and 'when' the current scene is taking place. You have 'who' covered. It's Karen. You have 'where' partially covered. She's in a hallway somewhere. I have no idea 'when' the scene is occuring.
2) 'She was a perculiar looking young lady.' Technically, 'she' refers to 'her mother.'
3) "Mother," Karen approached with a slight bow. Period after 'Mother.' The only time the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma is when it is followed by a dialogue tag (tells who said something). 'Karen approached' is clearly not a dialogue tag, so "Mother" should be punctuated with a period. There are more cases of this type of problem.
4) In the conversation with her mother about the bad place, Karen doesn't seem to have many physical/emotional reactions and has no thoughts. As written, Karen comes across as cold in this conversation. Is that intentional?
5) ' ... despite the curious looks she was receiving.' You use the word 'looking' in the sentence following this. Did you intentionally use two 'look' words so closely. If not, consider finding an alternate word for one of the 'looks.'
6) "Mother," smirked Tyrone in a patronizing tone. A smirk is a smile. Therefore Tyrone can not 'smirk' dialogue. Nor can Tyrone 'smirk' in 'a patronizing tone.' Consider rewriting.
7) "There are those," continued Mother, "that stand on the border between good and evil, ... " 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people.
8) "I was just thinking," smiled Karen, "how fascinating it must be to be in your mind." You can not 'smile' dialogue. Consider rewriting.

I hope this critique will help you further polish chapter eight. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the reat.

Would you please take another look at "Savannah Fire" and keep it in mind when you reshuffle you bookshelf at the end of the month?

Have a splendid day.

Al

Hi, Justis. I've read four chapters and I'm intrigued and will read more. I like the prologue. Could be shorter ... maybe combine some sentences to tighten it up. You know, like "They want it ... need it .. use it to get more." Something like that.

The first chapter is very powerful and vivid. The only issue I had was in the first scene -- you need some synonyms for shrieked. It got way too repetitive for my tastes.

Love the description of the reactions to Jason!

When Sarah comes out of the room, she's carrying a black book. You wrote " he." Simple mistake and probably one few of us would catch if someone with fresh eyes didn't point it out.

Overall, this is an excellent read! The first chapter is frightening and completely without explanation, which makes it more frightening. What was in the barn that could set off this chain of events? I want to find out.

Love the action! Putting you on my shelf. Hope you have a chance to take a look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Rick60

Justis, finally moving Snowbound to my watchlist for reading, as promised. I'll be back! Lauri

The writing in this is strong and the details vividly depicted. If I read more YA, this is something I would likely pick up and buy. My one suggestion would be to cut or shorten the prologue. I understand why you have it, but to be honest, I started skimming it after the first couple of paragraphs. I didn't feel it was necessary, especially with how powerfully the first chapter begins; I felt chapter one was a much stronger beginning. Other than that, great start and I look forward to reading more!

Awesome book, as I am coming back into the Authonomy fold, I picked up on this one because of Justis's previous book, Prestidigitations. Snow Bound is beautifully written, very dark and suspenseful. I find myself wondering just where the acclaimed Sarah will take us next...........she is a character of virtue, yet sometimes seems to carry more sinister weight on her shoulders.

Positively shelved and totally six-star material! Good luck, Justis!
Starrfyrre

Hi Justis,

Strange story of Sarah, her powers of mind and the way she gets into people's minds.Intriguing plot kept me reading on and on. Such writing is never tedious on readers and each page has something new and thought provoking. Sometimes it is scary when you feel somebody can read your mind and unearth dark secrets.

Immediately worthy of the many stars I have showered on it and of course deserves a place on my shelf. Backed.

Jay Adiyarath
EXPIRY DATE

I read your first six Authonomy chapters.

General comments: An unusual start. Sometimes gripping, sometimes confusing. Always moving forward. Intriguing characters, particularly Sarah. Awesome world building. Good descriptions. Tremendous tension (except for Authonomy 6).

Specific comments on Authonomy 1:
1) No Nits

Specific comments on Authonomy 2:
1) And to lay it beneath the rays of the half-moon! Mused the man to himself, marveling. 'Mused' should be lowercase.

Specific comments on Authonomy 3:
1) No nits.

Specific comments on Authonomy 4:
1) "No sir," replied Charles indignantly. Comma after 'no.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
2) Hyphenate 'sun bleached.'
3) 'But it was mostly her eyes that gave her the appearance of being fade d.' Attach the 'd' to 'fade.'
4) B eside him, lying partly on the floor ... Attach the 'B' to 'eside.'
5) he was carrying a large, black bound book in her hands. 'He' should be 'she' and 'she' should be capitalized.
6) "Hello Master." Comma after 'hello.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with a comma.
7) "You know you are one of the few people that I cannot sneak up on." 'That' should be 'who.' Use 'that' for objects. Use 'who' for people. There is another case of using 'that' when 'who' is appropriate.

Specific comments on Authonomy 5:
1) No nits.

Specific comments on Authonomy 6:
1) ' ... she had given him an earful' is cliche. Consider writing the same idea, but in a fresh way.
2) 'It felt good to Bryan as ...' Try to avoid using the word 'felt.' Just describe the feeling so the reader can experience the situation along with Bryan. When you do that, the reader will be drawn deeper into your story. There are more cases where you use the word 'felt.'

I hope this critique helps you further polish your all important early chapters. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Would you please take a look at "Savannah Fire?"

Have a sensational day.

Al

This is scary. The thing screaming in the barn, all the unknowns in the story. Perhaps because of this, I was unsure of your use of the word 'chap' since that's quite a nice, cheery word, for a nice person, but the 'chap' in this is not nice at all. Listening to something that isn't visible and then shooting.... very scary. I'm intrigued as to who the girl is, what her power is, and the writings and what they say. You have plenty of tension and plot hooks, and a real sense of unease and menace here.
Cariad.

I have added Snow Bound to my watch list to read more. Loved the first chapter :)

Luciana

Burning Angel

Snow Bound by Justis Call. Sarah is a sorceress. But power comes with a price. The writings of Sarah are intriguing. She tells us magic can be seen as a tool. There is no middle ground. Only good and evil. The frightening aspect is that she can get into the minds of those she chooses. The second chapter, woven with small segments, is deeply disturbing. The suspense builds with each scene―vividly interpreted and with a skill that leave the reader breathless. The pace is sharp and unyielding in parts, and there is an aura about this book that I can’t explain. Each killing is excruciating but at the same time mesmerizing and drives the plot forward at an alarming rate. High stars for a well written book. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Dark and sinister in parts - an intriguing read. Well done
Arnold

Justis,
I found "Snow Bound" to be a dark, disturbing book. Your use of snapshots of various scenes all headed toward a common outcome was very effective in conveying a sense of inevitability. What was bound to happen would happen, like watching each kill being racked up by the kids at Columbine moving from one hapless victim to the next. Thank you so much for the compelling read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I honestly don't want to read anymore...I don't want to ruin...no that's not the right word....I want to buy it and savour it. This is right up my alley! Poetic...you know what you're doing sir! Action packed...full of surpises...dark as hell...

Let me know when this one is published. I'll be in line! For now, you get 6 stars and a spot on my shelf!

Cheers,
Dwayne

The opening paragrah of chapter one started with a rocked!!! The way you handled "screamed"....seriously masterful. I'm humbled.

Still reading...just had to come down here and say it!

SNOW BOUND

Two great pitches. But no suggestion of snow?
I will read this for sure.
Right now I have sprinkled it with stars.
Yes, I am going out in style,
a zoomer

Justis,

I started reading your Opus and thought I would give you my cent and half:

The first thing that jumps here is the style. Is a moment by moment build up where every moment plays a dangling game, promising the next to have the same urgency....

......the same momentum

..... and that you deliver.

The jewel of the narrative however is your ability to use description to withhold from the reader.

Withhold what?

The identity of the creature, details about characters and places....

......forcing the reader, like Updike would say: "to fill in the blanks"

and as the reader does....he becomes an active participant in the narrative

......that is....he becomes a builder

Some Minor/Minorest/Minormost points:

There are several stylistic issues, all of them concerned with the first 3 sections (authonomy chapters)
The key here is to leave the idea....the camera shots....the withholding....the cutouts, etc., intact.
Just polish them a bit further

By contrast, by chapter four, you leave all this devices out, and get into the normal business of narrating and that works fine, so I will not comment on ch 4

Let me talk instead about the first 3 sections:

First, I would collapse the first 3 authonomy chapters into one.
I don't see the need to separate them.
If you are creating an ominous feeling, why give the reader so many breathings?

Second, the eye of the camera you use throughout this 3 sections could use some tinkering.
Specifically, by using poetically flat descriptions.
By that what I mean is metaphors that instead of elevating description, drain emotion out of it:

"his eyes looked like popped sockets"
"The night breeze sucked the air out my breath"
"Her face was as white as a cadaver"

That would make the descriptions more ominous.....

....thus adding momentum

"inconsiderate jerks"
I would cut a bit on the emotional labeling
Why?
Because when the writer labels an emotion, the reader reads ...the label
when he describes...the reader feels

and to make it ominous....you gota make the reader feel

for ex: "I man walked .....
I was with you throughout that paragraph until you got to the "arrogant manner"
why the label? Why not let description do it's job?
The job being to build momentum

Let me know if that helps,

Overall, wonderful

david