Book Jacket

 

rank 784
word count 124258
date submitted 23.02.2011
date updated 30.01.2013
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
complete

Alexis: Tears of Blood

Elora Carmen Shore

Many terrors have already been faced...but Alexis will find that her heart has not yet known the deepest pain.

 

With the battle of Ethen'dor won, Alexis and Resen have found the next path that they must take. Corruption and uncertainty have claimed kingdoms to the south, and the kingdoms to the east suffer. But the enemy has something to unleash that no one would have seen, something that will strike at the heart of the cause, into the Chosen herself.
New figures will arise, new swords unsheathed, and veils will be dropped....

The Chosen is going to know the meaning of heartache and darkness, and the whole land of Aunniguld is going to be aflood with bloodshed once again.

 
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battles, bloodshed, darkness, death, grief, heartache, war

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Chapters

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Chapter 2 Alexis and Raena

Alexis opened her eyes. The dream was still fresh. Birds were twittering in the thick boughs of the trees above her.

Good morning.” Resen said, crouching by the fire. Alexis groggily smiled in acknowledgment, and then sat quietly thinking to herself.

Raena stepped through the trees. She walked with the poise of a hunter, and had a natural presence that inspired mutual respect. Alexis had at first thought perhaps it was because Raena was a princess, but that was before she had come to know her better. She liked how Raena carried herself. With dignity, but not an aloof sort, and with confidence and capability. And she was kind.

We are alone, as far as I can tell,” Raena said as she seated herself. “We are still heading southeast at a good pace. In two, or three weeks if given difficulties, we'll reach the coast of Smyrna.”

That's good.” Resen handed her a hot bowl of food. He filled one for Alexis and handed it to her. From what Alexis could pick up Resen and Raena knew each other well, as if for years. She often wondered what their history was.

Although Raena was always composed, Alexis could see that she was anxious to return. Her mother, Queen Solonna, was apparently ruler of the air kingdom of Thysatira, and her father Origen king of Smyrna, in the depths of the sea below. Disturbingly Origen had gone missing. Her mother Solonna ruled presently in Smyrna, with a faithful general keeping peace in Thysatira. But something was wrong with the queen's mind.

I'm starving,” Alexis said lethargically, scooting forward and receiving her bowl into her hands. She and Raena glanced at each other, and smiled their greeting.

Alexis leaned back against the log she was seated against, and stroked her bow as she stuck it in her lap.

Raena observed her caressing it with her fingers as she chewed. “I understand that your bow has seen you through many dangers,” she said conversationally. Her tone conveyed her understanding of the feeling such an attachment to a weapon.

Yes,” Alexis answered, running her fingers again over its design.

Have you given it a name?”

Keluen.”

That's a good name.” Raena smiled.

The group struck out under a fair sun that morning, striding through the thick, glimmering trees. It had been five days since Raena first appeared. She had quickly told them her story. After Origen's mysterious disappearance from his library, Queen Solonna was quickly informed and she swiftly took up residence in the palace, Emerald Mountain. Within a month Raena noticed the effect of Slorda, an old advisor was before less favored than others, who had been rarely heeded. As each day passed Raena had felt a darkness falling, closing in on the southern kingdoms. Finally she felt that something had to be done, before it was somehow too late. In secret she sent word to the Vulduin Council in Oringarde, asking for aid, and then came in search of Alexis and Resen, having heard that the Athondul had arisen and already begun stirring up the people.

After she was finished Resen had turned to Alexis and asked what she thought. Genuine concern was in his tone and look. Alexis wholly agreed to make the issue their immediate mission.

Stepping over the knarled root of a bush, Alexis thought it in a way seemed providential. Within a short time after Ethen'dor's temporary victory, this seemingly next step revealed itself to them. For some time now she had had a keen interest in what Smyrna was like. What she remembered reading had said that the Southern Sea was of a different beauty than the Western Sea, was wrought with history, and a much loved subject among the poets. But what awed her most was the description of the underwater city amid the vibrant corals and flashing aquatic life, the fortress itself nestled within the feet of the sea cliffs.

While trekking through the coloring trees, Alexis found herself climbing the leafy slope beside Raena. Autumn had cast its spell, and a carpet of vibrant colors lay beneath their feet.

Raena looked at Alexis and gave her a smile. Her eyes always had that thoughtful, discerning expression. She regarded Alexis for a moment. “You're afraid of me, in a way,” she stated simply.

Alexis thought for a moment. “I think I'm just not sure what to think of you yet.”

We're not so different, you know. We both strive to do what is needed with what strength we have, for those we care for.”

“As do so many others. But you're significantly more experienced, if I may say so.” Alexis gripped a branch to help her over the knoll.

I've had a lifetime to learn. I was at a loss, but my will drove me forward—like you. We could have been sisters, had things been different.” Raena grinned. She had a beautiful smile, bright and full. It gave her countenance a vibrant glow.

Alexis laughed. “Ha. An interesting idea, but I daresay I prefer my own life. Being here has taught me what it is to truly appreciate what you actually have.” A solemn look settled on her face.

What's it like, your world?” Raena asked, with a look of intent curiosity.

Oh...well,” Alexis started, trying to think of a way to describe it. “I guess it's not much different than here. We have beautiful places. Mountains, lakes, oceans, plains...grasslands far as the eye can see, and cities. Huge ones—like Emyris, only not a castle. They're of many, many buildings and neighborhoods, like villages, close together. In my world we have learned to use nature in ways that we invent better and better devices to make our lives easier, and to do things more efficiently. But not all of them are good, or even the good ones used right. In some ways our progress is beautiful, but we lose a bit of what had been, I think, by moving forward. Such things come with that price, I think.”

You are a wise one, Alexis,” Raena said quietly.

Twigs snapped under their feet as they used some branches to help them upward. A short way ahead Resen was striding on.

Almost all things have their price,” Raena continued. “But we can preserve what has made us, by passing it on to those who come after. So that they are not forgotten, though the times have passed. Life has its cycles. Sometimes life repeats itself, or doubles back, or starts over. And it's at times like those we realize there isn't anything new beneath the sun—just in the way that it is seen, or happens.”

Alexis intently watched Raena as she said this, taking in her words. She felt a little twinge in her heart as she wished she had had such a sister. But perhaps that would have changed things somehow, and in ways that would not have been for the better. The last few months had shown her many things, among them that even the smallest thing can have extreme consequences or effects. Even something harmless. But she decided she liked Raena very much.

What were you like when you were little, and to grow up in your home?” Raena asked.

Alexis chuckled. “Oh, I was a mischievous pest for the most part. I loved to wander and get into things, do things I knew I shouldn't but thought I had to, because it was something new and undiscovered. You don't know how many times I'd suffer the consequences long after—like getting into poison ivy or something of that sort. Stung by bees.”

Sounds like me, for the most part,” Raena said with a rippling laugh. “Only I liked to take my bow with me. I loved to wander the wilds of the Smyrnan cliffs. You can't imagine how beautiful the cliffs are, or the wonders you might see,” Raena told her, and as she spoke her eyes lit with the light of a loved place. “For hours I'd sit and just wait for something to happen, because I knew that it just might, and when it would it'd be simply glorious. Time itself would stop.”

I know what you mean,” Alexis replied softly, thinking of the meadows and woods at home, the cries of the wild birds, the blowing of the wind. Or in those beautiful moments when the sun was rising or setting, and the sky aflame in all its glory and radiance, like its soul had finally burst open.

May I ask you something?” Raena asked.

Sure. Go ahead.”

How old are you?”

I'm seventeen.”

Your vocation is a heavy burden to carry, for one so young.”

It would be a heavy burden for anyone.”

True. To be fair, I'll tell you my own hefty age. I'm twenty-seven.”

Hmm. Where I'll be in ten years.” She smiled at her. “What's it like to be twenty-seven?”

Raena laughed lightly. “Absolute woe. I'm an old maid, don't you see?” They laughed together as they walked on.

Glad to see you're finally getting along,” Resen called back lightly. “Although now I'm worried that I'm not the favorite anymore.”

As they both smiled, Raena's eyes briefly lingered on him. Alexis noticed, and shifted her gaze between them, but Resen hadn't seen the look.

By nightfall they stopped in a clearing along the bank of the Li'era river, where they rested and ate some bread.

Raena sat before the fire with her legs crossed. “There is a ford a little upstream. We'll cross there and move in a more south-easterly direction for awhile. We'll also take the Ruellan. Within a few days we should reach Armathea, heaven willing.”

Resen nodded. Alexis watched the water as she listened to everything being said. Armathea was small mountain range beside the sea, not nearly as big as Ethen'dor, that was due east of Smyrna.

A little while later the moon rose and cast its soft reflection over the rippling river. Alexis and Raena lay at the banks, just under the shadow of the forest stretching boughs. Resen stood afar off, listening and musing silently.

Do you have moons like this?” Raena asked, shifting slightly as the leaves above rustled.

All the time,” Alexis answered softly. Gazing at the pure white of the moon brought a whispering feeling of homesickness, as she thought of nights that she had watched from her own meadows, when the sky was clear. She never would have imagined where she'd truly be in the future: lying on the banks of a strange river, with much behind her, yet so much before. And the uncertainty of her ever getting back home.

Raena looked at Alexis's liquid green eyes, shining from the moonlight. “I'm sorry,” she said gently.

For what?”

I wish this didn't have to be passed to you, the problems of our world. It is unjust, but little in this world is fair.”

Oh. I know. I don't really think much on whether or not it is fair...I just....”

You just keep going,” Raena finished for her.“...And you miss being home.”

Yeah. Some things just can't be put into words. I feel like I'm drowning in a world and a duty that I was wholly unprepared for. I wasn't even born into it—I'm literally an alien to all Aunninguld. Yet still I was chosen. The world moves in mysterious ways. And the ways in which it does move can be very hard...and lonely.”

But there is always those that can help you find the answers, or at least the courage to keep one foot in front of the other,” Raena tried to comfort.

Or my sword arm up, ready to defend my neck.”

That too.”

They both gazed at the individual constellations. The Anglaran, with it sharp thrown out arms; the Ring, with is dense circle of scattered stars; the Oldor, which its branching labyrinth of groping fingers; and the Five Eyes with their glinting individual white stars surrounded by studs of color. And there were so many more besides. Sweeping curtains, and lone stars shining bravely through the dark.

There was silence between them for awhile, then Alexis asked, “What is Smyrna like?”

Raena took a deep breath. “Smyrna.... A realm of otherworldly beauty. We live in peace with the sea life, for the most part. We love to hunt, but mostly ronknwar. They're devilish beasts. There's a difference between savage predators of the sea, and them. They're beyond savage—they have a malignancy incomprehensible in any natural creature. But they have good meat, to their one credit. We appreciate other creatures too much to kill them, unless we have to, or are in need.”

What do the ronknwar eat? I mean, like little fish or big ones?”

Both. Whatever they can get their teeth on. They seem to have a special taste for humans. But still...they're the greatest things to hunt on earth. Men and women turn out to get their count. It's held in great esteem to have a ronknwar head mounted on your wall, or have adornments of their teeth or claws. Even with their savagery, they have some beauty about them. But not near as much as the aluvon.”

What's that?”

The rarest and most beautiful creature of the sea. More deadly than even a ronknwar, and larger, but so...beautiful and majestic. Their scales glisten like jewels in the rays of the sun, and their eyes are like the eyes of the anglair. But though they are the deadliest of the sea beasts, they are peaceful. They eat what they need, they keep to themselves. If you're lucky, you can stand there and just watch one. It'll let you. No one has ever tried to catch one. We are to awed and frightened to try. It would be of the greatest shame for anyone to try to catch an aluvon. They are our insignia. To catch one would be desecration, horrible crime to our kingdom. It'd be suicide anyway.”

Raena's gaze peered into the heights, picturing an aluvon dancing in graceful arcs among the stars.

I hope I get to see one,” Alexis said with sincere interest. “I know how I love my Eitan. He has a savage kind of beauty. His beauty is in his strength and his spirit. I'm extremely proud of him.”

I've heard tell of him. Where is this Eitan?”

“Out hunting. But he'll be back soon, I'm sure.”

I'd like to meet him. I'm curious.”

Just be careful at first. He doesn't always take to strangers.”

I see. Is he loyal?”

Fiercely—to both of us. He always comes when I call.”

He must be of much comfort to you.”

Yeah...he is.”

They both fell back into silence, watching the moon pass slowly over the trickling water.

Closer to the fire Resen laid out his roll, and looked over at Alexis and Raena. It was good for Alexis to have one of her own to talk to. He knew their own bond was strong, but he could see she still needed a woman to talk to. There were things that women needed other women for. It was beautiful to see them just lying there quiet side by side beneath the gliding moon.

For a moment he just observed them, wishing with all his heart he could protect them both from the world that lay ahead of them all.

Soon they all lay slumbering under their blankets beneath the shadows of the trees, close to the warm fire.

 

 

____________________

 

 

 

The dawn of the next day was bright and sweet. Not a cloud was in the sky, and the sunrise was swift. They awoke at the first tittering of birds and rays of light, and were off again on the long trek just as their surroundings were lightening.

They traveled on along the woods, climbing slopes and constantly watching the flow of the river. At noon they paused for a brief respite and quick fare, then continued on. Raena and Resen took the lead.

Alexis followed a little behind, using big stones that covered the bank as stepping stones. She was listening hard. The soft trickling sound of water over rocks was the only sound. Then she stopped, and listened again.

She whistled to them. Both Raena and Resen paused.

What is it?” Raena asked.

Eitan. He's come back,” Resen answered.

A happy smile was on Alexis's face, and he watched, thinking it was a precious thing in her usually tired countenance.

I didn't hear anything,” Raena said skeptically. She was very good at such things.

Alexis always hears him,” Resen chuckled, and Raena could see his own amusement. “She'd hear him if he was a hundred miles away.”

They all stood watching the skies. The whoosh of powerful wings met their ears and drew nearer, and a wind began blowing on the clearing. As Eitan appeared over the treetop he let out a soft bellow, and landed in front of Alexis, flapping his wings to slow his descent as he trumpeted his greeting.

Nice to see you again, big boy,” Alexis beamed as she hugged his leg. He was entirely too big to hug his chest anymore. Eitan trumpeted joyously again, and flared his wings with pride.

So that's Eitan?” Raena asked tentatively, observing Alexis and the massive karaki's happiness.

Yes. Surprised?”

I can't help but be surprised. I had heard accounts of him, but he impresses more now that I've seen him. He's massive!”

Eats a lot too.”

I can see why he has earned such a reputation. At first the thought of the Athondul riding a karaki seemed like madness, but once you see them together....” Raena trailed off.

Alexis had climbed on Eitan's back and lie scratching the back of his neck. He growled with pleasure.

You see that it was meant to be,” Resen finished. Let me just give you a piece of advice,” he stated, turning discreetly to her. “Never refer to his kind as the 'Accursed'. Alexis will get pretty upset. And when I say 'pretty upset', I mean absolutely furious. Eitan is dear to her heart and he has proven himself time and time again. He's not evil. I doubt his race ever was. Just hungry.”

A soft look came over Raena's face. Alexis and Eitan acted as natural as master and dog. “It's really a shame there are so many misunderstandings in the world, Resen.”

I agree. It is to our benefit that Alexis was chosen. She is a girl that sees many things differently, and through her many things are becoming clear. How weak we are, sometimes. Afraid. That we need to see clearly, and be strong. Not hold prejudice.”

Alexis softly kicked Eitan's sides and guided him to the Resen and Raena.

He snorted as he looked at Raena, and drew himself up to his full height, gazing steadfastly. Then he bent to smell her.

Raena watched him warily. She was bold and frightened by very little, but having Eitan so close really put her on her guard.

Alexis watched them both carefully. Eitan snorted, and drew back. Raena then lifted her hand to touch his snout as she ran her eyes over his impressive bulk. “You're a handsome boy. You're lucky to have him,” she said, looking at Alexis. “I'm glad he's with us.”

Alexis smiled in relief, appreciative of her acceptance.

We really should get going,” Resen said.

You're right,” Alexis answered, nodding.

They all continued on along the river, and Raena looked back at Alexis and Eitan with interest. It seemed strange yet wonderful how she could climb on the karaki's back without fear. She looked perfectly happy up there.

That went well enough,” Resen said, overstepping a large stone. “You didn't get eaten.”

 

Chapters

3

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Bug289 wrote 405 days ago

Elora,

Justa quick stop in to check out book 2. From my initial read of the prologue one thing jumped out at me that might or might not be useful.
You paint a very clear picture of the scene, I was drawn into the bleakness of the place but what I found myself asking was why?

Why is this place filthy, why is it bleak, has it always been like that? Was it once a beautiful city, destroyed in a war or have they always been a slovenly people?

Perhaps you cover it through the previous book (which I did not get back to) but, if you do it might be worth a quick summary here to recap for the reader or for those crazies that start in the middle of a series. :)

Just a thought that occurred.

Very good description though (apart from the repeats others have mentioned) and good suspense. I will try to get to more of it this time :)

Danielle

Shelby Z. wrote 428 days ago

Exciting isn't a strong enough word for this book.
It moves to amazing heights of creativity.
I wish I had it in my hands to savor over and keep on a bookshelf in my bedroom.
Fantastic read.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

;D

fayha wrote 434 days ago

A very intersting read I love the way your writing flows and the names and places are very imaginative.
"maggots encased in amorphous jells." Wonderful stuff. I have read 2 chapters so far. On my watchlist.

Geddy25 wrote 435 days ago

I just read the first few chapters and love some of the language you have used in your descriptions. "Autumn had cast it's spell....." was one of my favourite sentences.
You have created a wonderful world in your writing full of adventure and imagination and this is the kind of story I like to read.
I loved some of the names of places and characters and some of them even made me think they were familiar. I did however struggle at times to keep up with all of the names. I'm a bit thick and I found trying to remember what was what a bit difficult at times.
However, a great start to a book! High stars, well done!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

tojo wrote 468 days ago

I read up to chapter 12 then time pulled me away, a very good fantasy read, plenty of action and weird animals, lots of imagination and good story line, my sort of book, I like it. 5*****

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

jlbwye wrote 468 days ago

Alexis - Tears of Blood. I find your pitches a bit vague. What sort of terrors, and who are the Chosen? Perhaps a bit of back-story here would not go amiss?

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. Prologue. Atmospheric words, and great choice of names, which run around the tongue. Is it something akin to a beehive that we're seeing, I wonder?
You have two 'metallic's inclose proximity.

Auth.2. I think you mean 'before they gobble it all - '
There are some superfluous words which are best avoided: began to, still.
Who or what is Alexis, I wonder?

Auth.3. Where are we now? I am a bit bewildered by those sudden switches.
Perhaps it's because I havent read the first book, that I feel this way.

But your prose is rich, and the dialogue natural.
The short chapters, too, are good for readers on this site.

The best of luck with this.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

femmefranglaise wrote 470 days ago

Hi Elora, sorry it has taken me so long to return your read. Firstly, I'm in awe of anyone who has managed to write 55 chapters! SciFi/Fantasy is not something I've read much of for a long time so it was refreshing to find such a well thought out and well written MS. You have a fantastic imagination and really good powers of description. The world of the Urgogs was gruesomely wonderful. I loved the juxtaposition between the first and second chapters with their totally different styles of writing and it shows your ability as a writer that you can swap so easily between the two. I'm really very impressed with this Elora. Highly starred and will be shelved very soon.

All the best
Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Andrew Hughes wrote 471 days ago

Hi Elora,

I read the prologue and first two chapters.

You have an excellent visual style of writing, rendering scenes and characters with great details. The gruesome goings on in Ordonnath are described with relish. Details like the urgogs tearing out of their cells, or the way you describe the overseer’s eyes bring the reader right into the story.

A small thing, I noticed you sometimes repeat words close together, like ‘far’ in the second line, ‘mud and slime’ in the middle paragraphs and ‘voice’ when we meet Graebinn. They just chimed a bit.

Alexis’s dream in Ch 1 has a lovely cosy feeling of home. I’m not sure you have to tip the reader off that it’s not real. Then the last paragraph, which is very well written, would be a surprise, and pack more punch.

It was very interesting to see Alexis and Raena discuss the natures of their own worlds, and form a closer bond. It’s a bit of a personal taste of mine but I’m not a fan of when characters laugh and smile through conversations – that probably says more about me!

I love reading a fantasy that has a fully realised world, and you hint at that by describing the constellations. I think you could describe Eitan’s size more as he’s swooping in, it was a surprise that Alexis could only hug his leg (though I suppose readers of the first book will know about him already).

I hope to read more soon. It strikes me that there could be a few moments of peril early on – small scale stuff, being attacked by a wild animal perhaps – just to see Raena, Alexis and Resen have to work together. It would give us an idea of their various skill-sets.

It’s a very good beginning. Highly starred.

Andrew.
The Morning Drop

Davidmauriceware wrote 479 days ago

Iv'e never been into stories where a person makes up fictional places and creatures, but I have to give credit where credit is due. Your story is well written and your imagination is a unique one. It is actually an enjoyable read. I'm sure many people will enjoy this one here.

Adeel wrote 482 days ago

A more promising book on my favourite topic. A great work more focused and blended with clarity of expression and thoughts. 6 stars with on my watch list and on my book shelf as well.

Shelby Z. wrote 489 days ago

This is a MUST READ BOOK, EVERYONE!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

D. S. Hale wrote 503 days ago

I like the name "urgog" and what fate awaited them at birth! Kinda like the honey bee. I'd almost like to follow the story of an urgog, you piqued my curiousity of them already!

You write well and describe the scenes so that I can imagine them in my head. It's a great story with a very good beginning. I didn't see anything that needed changing, or any errors.

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

A G Chaudhuri wrote 515 days ago


HAUNTINGLY DESCRIPTIVE PROSE.
YOU PAINT PICTURES WITH YOUR WORDS.

Dear Elora,

You passion for the genre is quite evident from the opening chapter that promises to deliver a masterfully crafted tribute to classic high fantasy.

And then, the next chapters tell a different story ! :-O

Wherever you’re heading with this, it’s not very difficult to imagine a visually stunning cinematic adaptation.

My ratings: 6 stars (with pleasure!)

Although, I’ve never read this particular genre, I have seen a few films. Please allow me to share a few suggestions / observations.
But remember, they should be taken on board only if they’re relevant. :-)

Here are a few points that stood out.

Ch 1

‘… and the architecture matched the mood’ – you may try removing this phrase as it sounds a bit casual and detracts from the overall brooding description.

‘… descending into the depths of Zlothrael’ – I think this should be Ordonnath, as that’s the name of the castle, while Zlothrael is what they call the land.

‘fitting rooms’ – not good, ‘evaluation chambers’ maybe?

Ch 2

This one had me confused.
There was a stark departure from the feel of the preceding chapter. In spite of being told that this wasn’t real, I found it rather difficult to accept the two radically different settings. But I moved on because I had to find out where this was headed.

Ch 3

‘Raena’ spelled differently in the chapter title.

Okay, so now, we’re back to where we started.
But what really happened in Ch 2?

The writing leaves little to be desired as you’ve skilfully developed plot and created a whole new mythology.
The end of the chapter answers my nagging question.
And that brings me to,

The pitch.

This needs a revision. Big time.
It’s not very clear and does very little justice to the real charm of the story.
But, you already know what I mean, don’t you ? ;-)

You’ve got something fantastic going on here.
Best of luck with it.

Sincere regards,
AGC


RSLF wrote 516 days ago

Hello! Comments for prologue:

Its cloak stretched miles far west (this phrasing seems a bit awkward to me, and you use the word "far" again in the second half of this sentence. Maybe delete the first one?)

The mud carting urgogs joined the endless procession of (missing word here?) as they took their loads to their hives.

Anyway, on to my general opinions. I really loved the descriptions of the hives. BUT it did give me a bit of a sense of deja vu, reminding me of the scene in the 2nd LotR movie where we see an Uruk Hai being "born".

Chapter 1, pretty much perfect as it is. Very poignant.

Chapter 2:

she was a good tracker and swordsman (you could use "swordswoman"? Sorry, I just always find it weird see a woman referred to a swordsMAN lol)

Briefly she had even wondered if she was Arlwenar (an explanation here would be nice.)

I understand that that bow has seen you through many dangers (overusing the word "that" is something I'm guilty of, and I think this might be a case where you can get rid of one).

an old advisor was before less favoured than others (erm I find this really confusing. But then that might just be me. You know how daft I can be sometimes...)

I'm going to have to leave it there for now. But enjoying it so far.

Mystery Reader wrote 517 days ago

Bravo!
What a wonderfully designed story that you have here. I like the way you move into your story with ease but a pace that keeps your readers interested.
Everything is quite well done.
It has a special flare to the plot and characters.
I spotted a few minor spelling mistakes, but not many.
I do enjoy your underwater city!!! A lot of scope to create right there.

*Reader*

Bria Heart wrote 523 days ago

This is an excellent work of art that you have here.
It is all so special to read and visualize.
The title is drawing in itself.
The pitch pulls you to read the book.
Part of it Reminds me of Gilbert Morris' books the Seven Sleepers. (The second book.)
You use just the right words to paint your word painting in the reader's mind.
I have only read half, but it is wonderfully drawn out.
Super Job.

Bria Heart <3

Shelby Z. wrote 529 days ago

Your book is as perfect as ever.
YOU do a great job writing your stories!!! Everything is so unique, creative, and detailed to a tee!
The characters unfold to great heights that people get more involved in them. They make you be them!
The places you can picture being there yourself.
The pain forces you to be a part of it and feel it.
Basically the reader gets completely involved with the book!
Great job as always!
I love your stories a lot.
Keep up the amazing work.

Shelby Z. /Driving Winds

Mademoiselle Nobel wrote 531 days ago

~Alexis: Tears of Blood~

An enjoyable read, perefect for the YA market. It reminds me of a cross between Lord of the Rings and Monkey Island (the bird skull helm reminds me of Murray).

Great descriptions, i.e. 'The gate was a yawning mouth' and 'Cloudy membranes the colour of maggot flesh.'

Highy-rated! Well done!

Iman xxx

Miss Manners: http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

Dianna Lanser wrote 550 days ago

Elora,

Yes, Revelation and Revolution all came back to me as I started reading Tears of Blood. The opening of Book two sets the beat for what the reader can expect in terms of literary excellence, as well as adventure. An ominous foreboding leads into a too good to be true dream for Alexis. Then as the reader becomes a participant of a long and mysterious voyage, the cadence of the story is strangely comforting and smooth. And if the reader is not impressed with that, they will be impressed with the how the surrounding landscape and the good Lady of Armanthea are so poetically describe. A literary treat - really. I had to stop reading just as the group was about to descend below the surface of the deep… This was a great cliff-hanger to make me come back and read more! Highly starred, Elora. I am so impressed with your writing. It is beautiful.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Shelby Z. wrote 550 days ago

I read just a little more and it keeps getting better.
There were a few misspelled words otherwise so good!
:)

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 557 days ago

Read three more chapters ( I am at chapter 8 now.)
Things are getting more and more thrilling.
I so enjoy the way you get into your writing so much so that the reader is drawn into everything you write.
I hope to read more soon.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 565 days ago

I read up to chapter 5 and I am so enjoying your new idea for your series.
I love the underwater city and your new character Raina.
I can see that this will be a very exciting book again.
Can't wait to read on.
Well done so far.
God bless.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Nathan Maki wrote 626 days ago

Chapter 2

I found it strange that when Alexis mentions a DVD player and a TV that Raina just takes it in stride as if it's the most natural thing in the world, when I would think she'd be a stranger to technology like this.

I was also wondering what Eitan was. Raina apparently hasn't met him,and Alexis doesn't say what he is. A dragon perhaps?

Some things need more clarification like "We'll take the Ruelan." But then you don't tell us what that is.

We now find out that Eitan is a karaki, and his kind were once called Accursed, but what is a karaki? Probably you're assuming that people will have read the first book and know this from that novel, but that isn't always the case, so some description is needed here.

Final thoughts. I was a bit unclear about what exactly Alexis and Resen are going with Raina to accomplish. I assume whatever they're journeying southeast for is the thrust of the book, or part of it, so it needs to be clearer what the peril is, what the problem is, and how and why they intend to help. So far I've found the book just a bit slow-moving. Prologue sets up some peril, dark forces are gathering, but for what? By the end of chapter 2 we still don't know what the danger is or what our heroine is going to do about it. Chapter 1 is a dream sequence with no real action to it. Chapter 2 is a walk in the woods talking. So essentially three chapters in and there hasn't been any dramatic moments of action, clash of dialogue, threat or peril...any of the things that will really suck the reader into the fantasy world you've created. People today, especially kids, are very immediate. They want something gripping, pulse-pounding, entertaining, right from the get-go or they're going to move on. I'm not saying this to be overly critical, I think you've created an interesting world and compelling characters and a rich history and background. I just think you need something more in these early chapters to really hook the reader in.

Still, I've enjoyed what I've read, and will give it high stars and backing asap. :)

All the best,

Nathan Maki - A War Within

Nathan Maki wrote 627 days ago

I just realized that chapter 1 was a prologue, so this comment is for Chapter 1, but number 2 on the site.

I thought the prolonged dream sequence that makes up Chapter 1 was good as a way of showing Alexis' happy background, but as a first chapter I wasn't sure if that's really enough to accomplish. I think it has a place, but perhaps not so early on? That's just my thought. I'm still interested though, so I'll read on to chapter 2.

Nathan Maki wrote 627 days ago

Hi Elora,

Here I am to read some of your book as promised. I like to write down comments as I come to them, and try to be constructive in any critiques. Keep in mind I'm only one reader, and my input isn't infallible. :) I've found that as authors we often miss stuff in our own work that others can pull out. That makes us all better writers in the end. So here I go, diving in reading. :)

Ramps doubled back "eratically" not erotically.

"herded into a drawn cart like cattle and (pulled) away"? "towed" away. Led away makes it sound like they're walking, being led.

"was all (too) recognizable"

Somehow the words "How is it going" seem too casual to be spoken by a dark lord, especially his first words. I'd expect something that could be said with a bit more menace.

The sentence "But age was of no concern when the thought..." doesn't read right.

I found the last sentence problematic as well. "From within" makes it sound like the overseer could see Lord Graebinn. You could just says "Within his mask" or "Behind his mask". I also thought that "grinned" makes him sound too friendly. I'd expect smiled wolfishly or something of the sort for someone who's supposed to be evil. And how does he say "Excellent"? Menacingly? Expectantly?

I thought the reference to the weak being eaten was suitably chilling, and you definitely give the reader the impression that something foul is afoot. You've created an excellent word picture of the evil fortress.

One thing I think would make the first chapter better would be if you could insert a bit more of a hook for the reader. He's raising an army but maybe give us a hint of what for? Also, is there a way to develop Lord Graebinn's character a bit more from the beginning here? He's obviously going to be a main character, so show us a bit more of his character and motivation in his interaction with the overseer and other creatures.

Overall I like your writing style and this reminds me, in a good way, of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. I'm interested and reading on. I'll comment more on chapter 2.

Nathan

Cariad wrote 633 days ago

Hi. Came across your book by chance and have some comments you can take or leave, I offer them only as one reader. I liked the story and the feel of it - menacing, and a well constructed world. I did pick up some things that stopped me in my read, that you can ignore if you wish of course -

repetition of black at the start, close together - 'black, sharp, with a black sheen.......' (a dark sheen or something instead? as you also hae another dark shortly after with 'black eyes.'

a 'solution' (what of?) mixed with the blood of victims - of what? war? or sacrifice?

I didn't get that muddy, slimy ramps could be 'erotic' in any way.

You have two carts close together - 'carts of mud were carted...' heaved? dragged? hauled? instead?

You then bring on this wonderful, dark, menacing character in a bird skull helm - obviously respected and feared by all who see him - and he says 'how's it going?' - this sounds quite chummy and modern - bit like someone's dad - I thought you could maybe have made him seem a little less cosy?

I hope you don't think I'm being critical - I am enjoying the story and the unusual set up and world you have created - they are just suggestions of things that stopped my read a little. I shall be reading on though - it's got some great qualities and a good hook. Good ending to chapter one, too.
Cariad.

AdamMosely77 wrote 636 days ago

Awesome! Your good.

Nigel Fields wrote 755 days ago

Alexis: Tears of Blood flows along well. Nice description throughout the four chapters that I've read so far. I liked in the opening: The windows were like empty black eyes . . . the gate, a yawning mouth. Very appropriate, creating the atmosphere I believe you intend. I got momentarily stuck on the overseer's reply, "Well, my Lord Graebim." Only because my 'ear' first thought it was meant as the word-whisker "Well" as opposed to the answer "Well." I tend to be retentive, and thus, for me (I'm sure I'm in the minority), "Very well, my Lord Graebim." works smoother, no abiguity. Chapter two worked for clarification. Great MC. Other characters are well drawn. Good conflict, giving this momentum. Five stars for now.
Best,
John B Campbell

Su Dan wrote 844 days ago

very little wrong with; if anything. you have a great fluid style that moves the story along, and in great style...this is on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

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