Book Jacket

 

rank 787
word count 124258
date submitted 23.02.2011
date updated 30.01.2013
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
complete

Alexis: Tears of Blood

Elora Carmen Shore

Many terrors have already been faced...but Alexis will find that her heart has not yet known the deepest pain.

 

With the battle of Ethen'dor won, Alexis and Resen have found the next path that they must take. Corruption and uncertainty have claimed kingdoms to the south, and the kingdoms to the east suffer. But the enemy has something to unleash that no one would have seen, something that will strike at the heart of the cause, into the Chosen herself.
New figures will arise, new swords unsheathed, and veils will be dropped....

The Chosen is going to know the meaning of heartache and darkness, and the whole land of Aunniguld is going to be aflood with bloodshed once again.

 
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battles, bloodshed, darkness, death, grief, heartache, war

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Chapter 3 Trail to Smyrna

They made their way along the bank for about five miles when they came upon the ford. They crossed without trouble, leaping over large rocks worn smooth over time. They then turned southeast again through a sparse wood of hickory and white oak trees, on the edge of the Glenavon forest. A few peaceful days passed as they went through the wood, until they emerged at a steep rocky bank that went down for at least forty feet to the waters of the Ru'iera.

We must take my boat and go downriver from here,” Raena stated.

They retrieved her gray boat hidden in the ferny brush hugging the forest edge. Shortly they got it to the water's edge below.

Eitan sniffed the boat with interest, walking around them as they slid it over the gravelly stones. Alexis stepped in the boat, and took the packs as Resen handed them to her.

Eitan lifted his head, and his nostrils quivered. He snorted with expectation, and leap into flight, veering silently off to the northeast.

Does you always let him just take off like that?” Raena asked with surprise, a bit concerned with his unexpected departure.

Resen laughed to himself as he handed Alexis the last bundle, and Alexis smiled at Raena. “He does what he wants. He's a wild animal.” And she was content to let him be so.

Raena look back, and made a face of surprised acceptance. She couldn't help but realize the truth of it.

They slid the boat out into the water, their paddles gliding smoothly as they turned it in line with the current. The current snatched at them and they swept forward, leaving a narrow, silvery wake.

They all let the current do most of the work. The river rushed along smoothly, curving in slight bends.

Alexis breathed in, relaxing with the draw of her oar. With the flow of the running water the hours passed.

The sun set in soft orange shades that evening as they finally made camp at the feet of a bank, where there was enough space to sit and make fire. Before they went to sleep they sat around the firelight eating the last of their meal. Eitan had curled up over a rock bed just above them.

I was afraid of saying anything distasteful, before he actually came,” Raena said as she scraped her bowl. They had been discussing her meeting with Eitan. Raena looked at Alexis. “Have you actually ever flown on him?”

We fought in the war while I on his back. He was wonderful. He played a crucial part,” she replied simply, before spooning some cooked roots into her mouth. Chewing them, she made a funny face as their strange taste permeated her mouth.

They also battled Crow in the air. Those who saw say he rode a foul beast the like none have seen before,” Resen put in seriously.

The cowards got away,” Alexis said, her face masked with a fleeting look of abhorrence. She worked her tongue around her mouth, trying to wash away the rooty taste.

You did what you could,” Resen chided softly. He watched as she shifted herself. “Another thing to Eitan's credit is that I would have died as a kaul's lunch if not for him,” Resen said, continuing.

A kaul's belly isn't the pleasantest burial site,” Raena conceded with a smile.

Oh, it doesn't stop there,” Resen chuckled.

Raena gave him a light punch in the arm as Alexis laughed.

Resen tried not to choke on his food, and let out a laugh. “You should have seen him tear into that monster, though. He's a thing of the beyond when he's battle hungry.” He grimaced as he tried to dislodge a piece of meat from between his teeth.

Alexis put down her bowl, and leaned on her arm, looking into the fire. Her gaze pierced through it, as if into something else.

Raena and Resen saw it, and watched her with slight unease.

A moment later Alexis quietly stood up and went into the shadows at the riverbank, behind some trees.

Resen put down his bowl as he mused over Alexis's behavior. “I hope she and Eitan ride tomorrow. It seems to give her a sense of contentment, most of the time.”

So this it is a common thing for her to fly on the trail?” Raena said, as she again picked up her bowl as he collected his and Alexis's.

Very common,” Resen answered as he stood. “It gives them both a measure of peace. I'm sure I would too if I could experience the release of open space.” Then he made a face. “But then again, maybe not.”

I have a feeling she's going to continue to amaze me,” Raena said with certainty as they both went to the river's edge to wash the bowls.

You have no idea.” Resen looked down the riverbank, and saw Alexis sitting a distance away, her arms around her knees. More and more it seemed that she was locked in a far away world filled with an emptiness...and heartache.

That night they all fell asleep listening to the music of running water and the owls overhead.

The next day passed similarly, with a steady pace carrying them swiftly over the miles. The morning after was cool, as the sun peacefully rose. A blue, dim light rested over everything as the three pushed out into the river, and went downstream.

Alexis looked at the steep, high banks that rose on either side as they swept onward. They were green and rocky, with trees of mingling color climbing the left bank. As they continued east Alexis noticed the right bank was getting rockier and had less vegetation. She pointed this out to Raena.

Yes. We are nearing Armanthea. The southern bank will soon turn to low mountainside.”

It's rather pretty,” Alexis commented, still observing it. The rocks were a soft combination of light grays and shades of gray-blue, and vibrant greens covered them in areas were there was some mossy vegetation. Even from this distance here and there a flower could be seen peeping out from underneath the rocks.

At noon, when the sun was turning the water into rippling, burning glass, Raena slowed the boat and gazed at the crags above. Resen and Alexis likewise paused and looked up. Among the crags they could discern the faint outline of what used to be arches and windows. Nature had nearly erased them. Wherever they looked they could find more such ruins, crumbling and wearing down under weather and time.

Armanthea used to be a proud nation,” Raena said just loud enough for them to hear. “They loved the sea like we Smyrnans did, but they still loved the mountainside. Though small, in their day Armathea was a thing to behold. This site was the loveliest to build upon—it had sunshine has long as the sun was in the sky. The Armatheans loved songs and music, and gay jubilees in spring and summer. Festivals for autumn. They got much of that love from the Iorwaen Arlwenar. They were here for a small time before the Armatheans, but they chose to dwell in peace together, and chose nearby lands.” Raena blinked, her lips curling into a soft smile. “Nature has made Armathea a part of itself.”

Alexis continued to look up at the old ruins as they all silently paddled on. Another country erased from time, that could have—should have—been able to live on. Another voice forever still.

The hours of the day passed. At evening the sun was shining its fading colors on the water, and casting its light on the reflecting mountains.

Raena gripped her oar more securely as they came to a low fall in the river next to a high, jutting arm of the mountainside. “Steady yourself,” she warned, her voice loud enough to carry behind. The jutting arm blocked their view for a moment, but both Resen and Alexis braced themselves.

The boat turned with the current, and the bend opened up as they came right abreast of the low fall. They streaked over, landing with a smooth gentle splash. Cold foam flecked into their faces.

You can thank the Smyrnans for the superb boat-making skills,” Resen commented with a slight smile as he wiped his face. “Although the expert handling helped.” He wiped his hand off onto his coat.

Look,” they heard Raena say. Resen and Alexis looked ahead.

As the low jutting arm of the mountain was passed, a gigantic statue came into view. It was carved out of the mountainside, and stood to about six hundred feet, if not more. It was the figure of a woman, beautiful and untainted by time. A cascading waterfall fell from her eyes onto her up-turned hand, from which it fell to the river below. The fall splashed and foamed, the spray like falling diamonds in the sunlight. The woman's hair looked windblown with flowers of white stone embedded in it, and her robes whipped about her. But the thing that first impressed itself on them was the emotion that emanated from its perfect form. A broken heart, a loss of hope. Her face looked straight ahead, her eyes unseeing. Forever etched in stone, it looked like the face of grief itself.

Who was she?” Alexis asked, feeling a deep twist in her heart. They all paused to gaze up in the slower-paced waters.

The Lady of Armanthea. She was the last queen.”

What happened?”

Her heart was broken.” Raena turned the boat back into the current, and paddled on. Then she began a slow, sweet song.

 

'Fair Ruewenda,

Beloved Armanthean Queen,

She walked this earth in joy

Brimming with love and compassion

A lady of kindness was she.

Not a lady of war, nor military might

She sang her song, all the day long,

Morning through evening

With eyes like sweet sunlight.

'This Life is a haven

This day a hope

This morning flowing,

Like the voice of heaven

And the Sun will ride

Over plain and mountainside

Over river and ocean's tide

Til' it's going down and resting

Under the spell of Lark's Fountain.

My joy is in Life,

My hope in the Day,

My song in the Morning,

My lullaby in Evening.'

Ruewenda, lady so good,

Beloved of all,

Wedded to King,

Great Rundelude

You sing in joy,

Never should evil on you fall,

But all evil is sleepless,

And your joy it seeks to foil.

Great Rundelude

Is fallen to Shadow,

Having long been in the accursed brood

Now, in Hate, Greed, and Power lust

Forsakes thee,

Who ever loves

Your heart is broken!

Thee, who should never have had

To know of the Fallen.

Your tears run like the Great River

Filling it to the brim

And running to the Ocean

As your eyes begin to dim....

Your song of Morning

And lullaby of Evening

Are turned to a ballad of Mourning....

'My voice echoes through the fields

My voice trickles through the streams

My tears water the lilies

And they droop because of my grief.

The birds silence their singing

The once silent stream going to roaring

The sea churns at my sadness,

For it knows that I am athirst.

My love is straying,

As is the Sun

No more New Day

Or Morning or Evening...

Nor Sun running over Tide.'

Lady of Armanthea...

Her heart has wasted away.

Nothing left to make her stay.

Her love is no more.

So at the last she lays on the sea,

And drifts to her death...

To the depth's lifeless, chilly core.”

 

 

Alexis gazed silently back at the waterfall of tears. The world seemed to be filled with the brokenhearted and with traitors. No wonder so many despaired.

As they pulled ahead and out of sight of the statue around a bend, Alexis asked, “What happened to the people after the queen died?”

They tried to get on without them, but many things happened all at once. They had been strong leaders, and the people were too heart broken to get much done, or elect another ruler before Ravens moved in. The Ravens pillaged the whole nation. None were left alive. No woman or child...at least, as far as any know. I suppose it is possible a couple people were able to hide away. But if so, they've remained in hiding for two hundred years.”

I hope they did,” Alexis whispered to herself. Even the smallest ray of hope can be enough.

 

 

 

____________________

 

 

The next day passed with them continuing downriver and camping on the bank. That evening they came to a overreaching arm of the mountain, forming a small cove within the left side. Mosses and other low creeping vegetation hung down, gripping crevices and rock faces. They cast subtle waving shadows among the fading sunbeams.

Their fifth day on the river the water got swifter. It splashed over the dips and bends, then took a turn into the mountains. The boat rushed gently along, steadied with their oars. They kept at this safe speed for a few hours, into early afternoon.

Alexis saw the water stretch out for ahead from the chasm. Suddenly they emerged from the walls of the mountains and into the sea. It was shimmering and wide, a radiant green-blue. White birds took off from the cliffs, skimming over the surface of the water ahead before swooping up again into the sunlight. The soft foam against the cliffs created a gentle music, close to the pale shores. The place felt so alive.

Welcome to the Southern Sea,” Raena said, her face shining with radiant adoration.

They let the running water carry them out into the rippling water, until the swift current dissipated.

Ah, he is on time,” Raena said, shading her eyes as she looked west. The others turned and saw a ship emerging out of another inlet in the cliffs, gracefully swerving round a white beach nestled at the cliffs' feet. A copse of grey-green weeping willows there waved in the gentle breeze.

Who's that?” Alexis asked, gaping at the beautiful ship. Resen gazed at it, but his thoughts seemed to be elsewhere.

Sorrey. He is a helper and friend of mine,” Raena replied as she began to turn the prow of the boat to meet it.

With steady strokes they approached and came up along broadside. The ship came to a smooth stop, making the barest whisper of water. It was of a silvery blue, with a transparent white sail like mist. The shape was slender and graceful. A man at the helm came to the rail and gestured at them, and tossed two ropes into the water. They tied them securely to the two loopholes of the boat, and then climbed up. Once on board they then hauled up the boat after them. Sorrey then secured it to the side of the ship.

Thank you for being so prompt, Sorrey,” Raena told her friend once he was finished, extending her hand.

He nodded as he gripped it.

This is Alexis, the Athondul, and Resen, of the Sec'rim,” Raena introduced.

Sorrey observed Alexis with a glint of interest in his speculative eyes, but he seemed to know something of Resen already. He was courteously nodded to them in turn before returning to the helm.

The wind filled the sails, and the ship pulled ahead at a swift speed. It sailed close along the mountain range to the west. After awhile Sorrey directed it to the southwest.

Alexis was at the prow, and she lifted her face to the breeze. The scent of the sea air felt fresh and peaceful. A few miles away she could see the shore of another beach, and to the southwest could be seen a tall mountain towering above the range, it arms reaching down into the sea.

Raena and Resen were with Sorrey. They were discussing something, Sorrey nodding in accord of what was being said. It seemed to Alexis that he was a man who looked rather than talked.

She was looking out over the softly churning water when she heard Raena come up.

So where's Sorrey taking us exactly?” Alexis asked.

Farther out to sea, and then he'll go back to the city Linsor. At least until he is needed again. Also we wouldn't want to draw suspicion by taking his ship down into the sea, although it'd be easier.”

Take the ship into the sea? You mean under water?” she exclaimed incredulously.

Yes, indeed.” Reana grinned.

How do they do it?”

Raina's grin broadened. “Ah, that's our secret.” After a moment she continued as they watched the sea foam. “Our cities, both on land and underwater, make our wonderful ships. Much dedication goes into every single vessel. Our ways and ships are our inheritance. We pride ourselves on our skill and unique handiwork.”

“Your people are impressive craftsmen,” Alexis praised with conviction, trailing her hand along the smooth railing and looking at the billowing mast.

Raena leaned on the rail alongside her, closing her eyes as she basked in the light and spray of the sea. For a moment the dignified, stately young woman was gone, replaced with someone losing herself in a beautiful thing that had her heart. Alexis watched her for a moment, knowing just how that love felt. Her heart stirred with her own longing.

My home is beneath the sea,” Raena's soft voice began a moment later. “Many of the cities other than Aysel and Ariel are on Mount Varun, but some are submerged. My own home, The Emerald Mountain is at Varun's feet,” she indicated the high mountain. Then she looked at her. “You will love our gardens...our wildlife. It's unimaginably beautiful. The flora...the schools flashing all colors of the sun...the dances in the waters' currents....”

Alexis touched Raena's hand. “Home is always best.”

Raena gave a soft nod, her thoughts going far away, into memories. There was so much dear to the heart to keep safe.

Later in the day Alexis found herself observing Sorrey. He seemed to be in his late sixties, but he had a steely quality about him. His head of white hair brushed against his shoulders in locks, and he had bright, slightly squinting eyes of bright blue.

Finally she walked over to him. Sorrey nodded to her as she approached.

How long have you been a sailor?” Alexis asked.

Sorrey gave her a quiet look, but not unkind. Then he again fixed his gaze ahead. For all my life. My life is the sea.”

You feel free here.”

Sorrey glanced at her again, observing her with interest. “That is the truth. Nature moves apart from the problems of men. It keeps on running. I take my solace in the peace and flow of its cycles.”

The waves roared as gulls cried overhead in the evening light. “I can understand why.”

At that moment Raena called back to them from the prow. They were nearing the southern arms of Varun.

 

Chapters

4

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Bug289 wrote 406 days ago

Elora,

Justa quick stop in to check out book 2. From my initial read of the prologue one thing jumped out at me that might or might not be useful.
You paint a very clear picture of the scene, I was drawn into the bleakness of the place but what I found myself asking was why?

Why is this place filthy, why is it bleak, has it always been like that? Was it once a beautiful city, destroyed in a war or have they always been a slovenly people?

Perhaps you cover it through the previous book (which I did not get back to) but, if you do it might be worth a quick summary here to recap for the reader or for those crazies that start in the middle of a series. :)

Just a thought that occurred.

Very good description though (apart from the repeats others have mentioned) and good suspense. I will try to get to more of it this time :)

Danielle

Shelby Z. wrote 429 days ago

Exciting isn't a strong enough word for this book.
It moves to amazing heights of creativity.
I wish I had it in my hands to savor over and keep on a bookshelf in my bedroom.
Fantastic read.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

;D

fayha wrote 435 days ago

A very intersting read I love the way your writing flows and the names and places are very imaginative.
"maggots encased in amorphous jells." Wonderful stuff. I have read 2 chapters so far. On my watchlist.

Geddy25 wrote 436 days ago

I just read the first few chapters and love some of the language you have used in your descriptions. "Autumn had cast it's spell....." was one of my favourite sentences.
You have created a wonderful world in your writing full of adventure and imagination and this is the kind of story I like to read.
I loved some of the names of places and characters and some of them even made me think they were familiar. I did however struggle at times to keep up with all of the names. I'm a bit thick and I found trying to remember what was what a bit difficult at times.
However, a great start to a book! High stars, well done!
Mike.
(Rudolf Goes Bananas)

tojo wrote 469 days ago

I read up to chapter 12 then time pulled me away, a very good fantasy read, plenty of action and weird animals, lots of imagination and good story line, my sort of book, I like it. 5*****

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

jlbwye wrote 469 days ago

Alexis - Tears of Blood. I find your pitches a bit vague. What sort of terrors, and who are the Chosen? Perhaps a bit of back-story here would not go amiss?

I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert.

Ch.1. Prologue. Atmospheric words, and great choice of names, which run around the tongue. Is it something akin to a beehive that we're seeing, I wonder?
You have two 'metallic's inclose proximity.

Auth.2. I think you mean 'before they gobble it all - '
There are some superfluous words which are best avoided: began to, still.
Who or what is Alexis, I wonder?

Auth.3. Where are we now? I am a bit bewildered by those sudden switches.
Perhaps it's because I havent read the first book, that I feel this way.

But your prose is rich, and the dialogue natural.
The short chapters, too, are good for readers on this site.

The best of luck with this.

Jane (Breath of Africa).

femmefranglaise wrote 471 days ago

Hi Elora, sorry it has taken me so long to return your read. Firstly, I'm in awe of anyone who has managed to write 55 chapters! SciFi/Fantasy is not something I've read much of for a long time so it was refreshing to find such a well thought out and well written MS. You have a fantastic imagination and really good powers of description. The world of the Urgogs was gruesomely wonderful. I loved the juxtaposition between the first and second chapters with their totally different styles of writing and it shows your ability as a writer that you can swap so easily between the two. I'm really very impressed with this Elora. Highly starred and will be shelved very soon.

All the best
Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Andrew Hughes wrote 472 days ago

Hi Elora,

I read the prologue and first two chapters.

You have an excellent visual style of writing, rendering scenes and characters with great details. The gruesome goings on in Ordonnath are described with relish. Details like the urgogs tearing out of their cells, or the way you describe the overseer’s eyes bring the reader right into the story.

A small thing, I noticed you sometimes repeat words close together, like ‘far’ in the second line, ‘mud and slime’ in the middle paragraphs and ‘voice’ when we meet Graebinn. They just chimed a bit.

Alexis’s dream in Ch 1 has a lovely cosy feeling of home. I’m not sure you have to tip the reader off that it’s not real. Then the last paragraph, which is very well written, would be a surprise, and pack more punch.

It was very interesting to see Alexis and Raena discuss the natures of their own worlds, and form a closer bond. It’s a bit of a personal taste of mine but I’m not a fan of when characters laugh and smile through conversations – that probably says more about me!

I love reading a fantasy that has a fully realised world, and you hint at that by describing the constellations. I think you could describe Eitan’s size more as he’s swooping in, it was a surprise that Alexis could only hug his leg (though I suppose readers of the first book will know about him already).

I hope to read more soon. It strikes me that there could be a few moments of peril early on – small scale stuff, being attacked by a wild animal perhaps – just to see Raena, Alexis and Resen have to work together. It would give us an idea of their various skill-sets.

It’s a very good beginning. Highly starred.

Andrew.
The Morning Drop

Davidmauriceware wrote 480 days ago

Iv'e never been into stories where a person makes up fictional places and creatures, but I have to give credit where credit is due. Your story is well written and your imagination is a unique one. It is actually an enjoyable read. I'm sure many people will enjoy this one here.

Adeel wrote 483 days ago

A more promising book on my favourite topic. A great work more focused and blended with clarity of expression and thoughts. 6 stars with on my watch list and on my book shelf as well.

Shelby Z. wrote 490 days ago

This is a MUST READ BOOK, EVERYONE!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

D. S. Hale wrote 504 days ago

I like the name "urgog" and what fate awaited them at birth! Kinda like the honey bee. I'd almost like to follow the story of an urgog, you piqued my curiousity of them already!

You write well and describe the scenes so that I can imagine them in my head. It's a great story with a very good beginning. I didn't see anything that needed changing, or any errors.

Sincerely,
D. S. Hale
Jessup and the Teleporter

A G Chaudhuri wrote 517 days ago


HAUNTINGLY DESCRIPTIVE PROSE.
YOU PAINT PICTURES WITH YOUR WORDS.

Dear Elora,

You passion for the genre is quite evident from the opening chapter that promises to deliver a masterfully crafted tribute to classic high fantasy.

And then, the next chapters tell a different story ! :-O

Wherever you’re heading with this, it’s not very difficult to imagine a visually stunning cinematic adaptation.

My ratings: 6 stars (with pleasure!)

Although, I’ve never read this particular genre, I have seen a few films. Please allow me to share a few suggestions / observations.
But remember, they should be taken on board only if they’re relevant. :-)

Here are a few points that stood out.

Ch 1

‘… and the architecture matched the mood’ – you may try removing this phrase as it sounds a bit casual and detracts from the overall brooding description.

‘… descending into the depths of Zlothrael’ – I think this should be Ordonnath, as that’s the name of the castle, while Zlothrael is what they call the land.

‘fitting rooms’ – not good, ‘evaluation chambers’ maybe?

Ch 2

This one had me confused.
There was a stark departure from the feel of the preceding chapter. In spite of being told that this wasn’t real, I found it rather difficult to accept the two radically different settings. But I moved on because I had to find out where this was headed.

Ch 3

‘Raena’ spelled differently in the chapter title.

Okay, so now, we’re back to where we started.
But what really happened in Ch 2?

The writing leaves little to be desired as you’ve skilfully developed plot and created a whole new mythology.
The end of the chapter answers my nagging question.
And that brings me to,

The pitch.

This needs a revision. Big time.
It’s not very clear and does very little justice to the real charm of the story.
But, you already know what I mean, don’t you ? ;-)

You’ve got something fantastic going on here.
Best of luck with it.

Sincere regards,
AGC


RSLF wrote 517 days ago

Hello! Comments for prologue:

Its cloak stretched miles far west (this phrasing seems a bit awkward to me, and you use the word "far" again in the second half of this sentence. Maybe delete the first one?)

The mud carting urgogs joined the endless procession of (missing word here?) as they took their loads to their hives.

Anyway, on to my general opinions. I really loved the descriptions of the hives. BUT it did give me a bit of a sense of deja vu, reminding me of the scene in the 2nd LotR movie where we see an Uruk Hai being "born".

Chapter 1, pretty much perfect as it is. Very poignant.

Chapter 2:

she was a good tracker and swordsman (you could use "swordswoman"? Sorry, I just always find it weird see a woman referred to a swordsMAN lol)

Briefly she had even wondered if she was Arlwenar (an explanation here would be nice.)

I understand that that bow has seen you through many dangers (overusing the word "that" is something I'm guilty of, and I think this might be a case where you can get rid of one).

an old advisor was before less favoured than others (erm I find this really confusing. But then that might just be me. You know how daft I can be sometimes...)

I'm going to have to leave it there for now. But enjoying it so far.

Mystery Reader wrote 518 days ago

Bravo!
What a wonderfully designed story that you have here. I like the way you move into your story with ease but a pace that keeps your readers interested.
Everything is quite well done.
It has a special flare to the plot and characters.
I spotted a few minor spelling mistakes, but not many.
I do enjoy your underwater city!!! A lot of scope to create right there.

*Reader*

Bria Heart wrote 524 days ago

This is an excellent work of art that you have here.
It is all so special to read and visualize.
The title is drawing in itself.
The pitch pulls you to read the book.
Part of it Reminds me of Gilbert Morris' books the Seven Sleepers. (The second book.)
You use just the right words to paint your word painting in the reader's mind.
I have only read half, but it is wonderfully drawn out.
Super Job.

Bria Heart <3

Shelby Z. wrote 530 days ago

Your book is as perfect as ever.
YOU do a great job writing your stories!!! Everything is so unique, creative, and detailed to a tee!
The characters unfold to great heights that people get more involved in them. They make you be them!
The places you can picture being there yourself.
The pain forces you to be a part of it and feel it.
Basically the reader gets completely involved with the book!
Great job as always!
I love your stories a lot.
Keep up the amazing work.

Shelby Z. /Driving Winds

Mademoiselle Nobel wrote 532 days ago

~Alexis: Tears of Blood~

An enjoyable read, perefect for the YA market. It reminds me of a cross between Lord of the Rings and Monkey Island (the bird skull helm reminds me of Murray).

Great descriptions, i.e. 'The gate was a yawning mouth' and 'Cloudy membranes the colour of maggot flesh.'

Highy-rated! Well done!

Iman xxx

Miss Manners: http://www.authonomy.com/books/39355/miss-manners

Dianna Lanser wrote 551 days ago

Elora,

Yes, Revelation and Revolution all came back to me as I started reading Tears of Blood. The opening of Book two sets the beat for what the reader can expect in terms of literary excellence, as well as adventure. An ominous foreboding leads into a too good to be true dream for Alexis. Then as the reader becomes a participant of a long and mysterious voyage, the cadence of the story is strangely comforting and smooth. And if the reader is not impressed with that, they will be impressed with the how the surrounding landscape and the good Lady of Armanthea are so poetically describe. A literary treat - really. I had to stop reading just as the group was about to descend below the surface of the deep… This was a great cliff-hanger to make me come back and read more! Highly starred, Elora. I am so impressed with your writing. It is beautiful.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Shelby Z. wrote 551 days ago

I read just a little more and it keeps getting better.
There were a few misspelled words otherwise so good!
:)

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 558 days ago

Read three more chapters ( I am at chapter 8 now.)
Things are getting more and more thrilling.
I so enjoy the way you get into your writing so much so that the reader is drawn into everything you write.
I hope to read more soon.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 566 days ago

I read up to chapter 5 and I am so enjoying your new idea for your series.
I love the underwater city and your new character Raina.
I can see that this will be a very exciting book again.
Can't wait to read on.
Well done so far.
God bless.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Nathan Maki wrote 627 days ago

Chapter 2

I found it strange that when Alexis mentions a DVD player and a TV that Raina just takes it in stride as if it's the most natural thing in the world, when I would think she'd be a stranger to technology like this.

I was also wondering what Eitan was. Raina apparently hasn't met him,and Alexis doesn't say what he is. A dragon perhaps?

Some things need more clarification like "We'll take the Ruelan." But then you don't tell us what that is.

We now find out that Eitan is a karaki, and his kind were once called Accursed, but what is a karaki? Probably you're assuming that people will have read the first book and know this from that novel, but that isn't always the case, so some description is needed here.

Final thoughts. I was a bit unclear about what exactly Alexis and Resen are going with Raina to accomplish. I assume whatever they're journeying southeast for is the thrust of the book, or part of it, so it needs to be clearer what the peril is, what the problem is, and how and why they intend to help. So far I've found the book just a bit slow-moving. Prologue sets up some peril, dark forces are gathering, but for what? By the end of chapter 2 we still don't know what the danger is or what our heroine is going to do about it. Chapter 1 is a dream sequence with no real action to it. Chapter 2 is a walk in the woods talking. So essentially three chapters in and there hasn't been any dramatic moments of action, clash of dialogue, threat or peril...any of the things that will really suck the reader into the fantasy world you've created. People today, especially kids, are very immediate. They want something gripping, pulse-pounding, entertaining, right from the get-go or they're going to move on. I'm not saying this to be overly critical, I think you've created an interesting world and compelling characters and a rich history and background. I just think you need something more in these early chapters to really hook the reader in.

Still, I've enjoyed what I've read, and will give it high stars and backing asap. :)

All the best,

Nathan Maki - A War Within

Nathan Maki wrote 628 days ago

I just realized that chapter 1 was a prologue, so this comment is for Chapter 1, but number 2 on the site.

I thought the prolonged dream sequence that makes up Chapter 1 was good as a way of showing Alexis' happy background, but as a first chapter I wasn't sure if that's really enough to accomplish. I think it has a place, but perhaps not so early on? That's just my thought. I'm still interested though, so I'll read on to chapter 2.

Nathan Maki wrote 628 days ago

Hi Elora,

Here I am to read some of your book as promised. I like to write down comments as I come to them, and try to be constructive in any critiques. Keep in mind I'm only one reader, and my input isn't infallible. :) I've found that as authors we often miss stuff in our own work that others can pull out. That makes us all better writers in the end. So here I go, diving in reading. :)

Ramps doubled back "eratically" not erotically.

"herded into a drawn cart like cattle and (pulled) away"? "towed" away. Led away makes it sound like they're walking, being led.

"was all (too) recognizable"

Somehow the words "How is it going" seem too casual to be spoken by a dark lord, especially his first words. I'd expect something that could be said with a bit more menace.

The sentence "But age was of no concern when the thought..." doesn't read right.

I found the last sentence problematic as well. "From within" makes it sound like the overseer could see Lord Graebinn. You could just says "Within his mask" or "Behind his mask". I also thought that "grinned" makes him sound too friendly. I'd expect smiled wolfishly or something of the sort for someone who's supposed to be evil. And how does he say "Excellent"? Menacingly? Expectantly?

I thought the reference to the weak being eaten was suitably chilling, and you definitely give the reader the impression that something foul is afoot. You've created an excellent word picture of the evil fortress.

One thing I think would make the first chapter better would be if you could insert a bit more of a hook for the reader. He's raising an army but maybe give us a hint of what for? Also, is there a way to develop Lord Graebinn's character a bit more from the beginning here? He's obviously going to be a main character, so show us a bit more of his character and motivation in his interaction with the overseer and other creatures.

Overall I like your writing style and this reminds me, in a good way, of Tolkien's Lord of the Rings. I'm interested and reading on. I'll comment more on chapter 2.

Nathan

Cariad wrote 634 days ago

Hi. Came across your book by chance and have some comments you can take or leave, I offer them only as one reader. I liked the story and the feel of it - menacing, and a well constructed world. I did pick up some things that stopped me in my read, that you can ignore if you wish of course -

repetition of black at the start, close together - 'black, sharp, with a black sheen.......' (a dark sheen or something instead? as you also hae another dark shortly after with 'black eyes.'

a 'solution' (what of?) mixed with the blood of victims - of what? war? or sacrifice?

I didn't get that muddy, slimy ramps could be 'erotic' in any way.

You have two carts close together - 'carts of mud were carted...' heaved? dragged? hauled? instead?

You then bring on this wonderful, dark, menacing character in a bird skull helm - obviously respected and feared by all who see him - and he says 'how's it going?' - this sounds quite chummy and modern - bit like someone's dad - I thought you could maybe have made him seem a little less cosy?

I hope you don't think I'm being critical - I am enjoying the story and the unusual set up and world you have created - they are just suggestions of things that stopped my read a little. I shall be reading on though - it's got some great qualities and a good hook. Good ending to chapter one, too.
Cariad.

AdamMosely77 wrote 637 days ago

Awesome! Your good.

Nigel Fields wrote 756 days ago

Alexis: Tears of Blood flows along well. Nice description throughout the four chapters that I've read so far. I liked in the opening: The windows were like empty black eyes . . . the gate, a yawning mouth. Very appropriate, creating the atmosphere I believe you intend. I got momentarily stuck on the overseer's reply, "Well, my Lord Graebim." Only because my 'ear' first thought it was meant as the word-whisker "Well" as opposed to the answer "Well." I tend to be retentive, and thus, for me (I'm sure I'm in the minority), "Very well, my Lord Graebim." works smoother, no abiguity. Chapter two worked for clarification. Great MC. Other characters are well drawn. Good conflict, giving this momentum. Five stars for now.
Best,
John B Campbell

Su Dan wrote 845 days ago

very little wrong with; if anything. you have a great fluid style that moves the story along, and in great style...this is on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

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