Book Jacket

 

rank 315
word count 114666
date submitted 24.02.2011
date updated 06.03.2011
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction
classification: moderate
complete

The Roswell Protocols

Allan Burd

A spaceship crashes and we'll do anything to capture it. But so will Russia, Canada, and Japan. The covert battle begins... but beware the survivors!

 

Inside the Cheyenne Mountain Complex, an object is detected on radar rapidly descending to earth. Just moments before impact, it vanishes, crash landing somewhere other than originally predicted. Where? No one knows. But the ripple effects are felt worldwide.

In a mountain chalet, an innocent children’s book author is about to be frightened to the very core of her soul.

In the Kremlin, a war hero is once again summoned to serve his country.

In Japan, a determined general sets a daring plan into motion.

In California, an expert in kinesics, the science of body movement, is about to be put to the test.

In Canada, the RAF takes to the skies. In Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, an order is given—Initiate the Roswell Protocols.

The race is on. A covert battle for the possession of advanced technology has begun. The winning country will be the sole superpower on the planet. But somewhere, on the crashed alien vessel, surviviors lurk. Are any of them truly prepared for what they’ll find . . .

 
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action, adventure, alien, aliens, covert, military, ops, spaceship, thriller, ufo

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Chapters

25

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Chapters 72-75

72

Inside the Spaceship

 

 

    The long corridor curved to its right, somehow seeming much larger than it was before. Blaze knew that was just an illusion, which just made him appreciate every detail even more. The ceiling glowed with the incandescence of the deep sea, but still provided sufficient light, like when you look up from underwater on a bright sunny day, just without the refraction of light that made everything wavy. The sea blue floor was softer on the feet than the cold silvery metal that was there before. The walls came alive with purple-hued lights that formed holographic images real enough to fool the eye and solid enough to touch.

    He stopped to study one that caught his fancy—an object shaped like a sideways S, doused in a pool of green and purple light. Similar to a worm, but its movements indicated more purpose.

    He reached out for it, his hand passing clean through the projection. He studied it further, noting the light seemed to bleed out from a small panel lodged into the wall behind it. Yet he knew the panel was also a holographic creation since it was not there before. A touch confirmed his hypothesis that the panel was solid. His eyes shifted about, noting many other images lining the corridor. He smiled—a thousand mysteries to unlock, each a clue to a new technology that would change the course of mankind. The ultimate puzzle that, when solved, led to the ultimate prize.

    A pulsating concave blob, from just above his field of vision, caught his attention. He glanced up, listening to its barely audible rhythmic beat that seemed to react to his presence. He stepped toward it and its pulse quickened. He stepped back and its beat eased. Then, in a moment of unquenchable curiosity, he grabbed it, feeling the soft light vibrate in his hand with such increasing frequency it tickled his palm to the point where he had to let go. A small laugh escaped him as he heard Carlson gasp and then relax as the pulsating returned to its original slower beat.

    Blaze walked on a few feet further, Carlson in tow. He stopped and gazed down the alien hallway thoughtfully in both directions. “All GBIV, very little ROY,” he said. Then he walked on again, this time making sure Carlson was at his side. Probably due to their aquatic ancestry. Their physiology must have evolved to allow them to survive in an aquatic environment as well as on land, therefore giving them a higher ocular range with which to view the electromagnetic spectrum.

    In English? Carlson asked.

    Notice how most all the colors are blues and greens. There are very few reds, yellows, or oranges. They perceive things differently. They can see into what we call the ultraviolet spectrum, but they shy away from the warmer shades—probably because their ancestors were aquatic.

    Hmmm, Carlson feigned interest as he stayed with Blaze. The ship did fascinate him. However, the pace in which Blaze explored did not. If it were up to him, a quick perusal through this hallway would have been more than enough. Unfortunately, he thought, Blaze had a different idea of exploration. Like an anthropologist on a dig, Blaze indulged himself in each area, drowning himself in the tiniest of details. He had been with him for almost forty-five minutes and they still hadn't managed to explore any living quarters, which was where Carlson's true interest lay. Thirty boring minutes on the bridge followed by an even longer fifteen minutes spent traversing this corridor. Under his breath, he cursed Gaines' order.

    Loud enough that Blaze got the hint. Sorry, Lieutenant. I tend to move slowly when I analyze. Care to try a room? he said, stopping at the nearest door.

    Carlson smiled.No need to apologize. Just a little anxious to see how these things live. He hesitated momentarily at the doors before cautiously touching the panel next to them.

    The doors slid open, revealing a room approximately twenty-by-twenty that was reasonably square in shape, except for the rounded far wall, presumably the location of the outer hull of the ship. To their left floated a black structure with rounded corners that looked like a table with no legs, except for its unusual curvatures. A few feet behind it was what appeared to be another moving 3-D image. A diagonally striped cabinet was located on the back wall. Adjacent to that was a low smooth platform elevated a few feet above the moving blue floor. 

    Moving!You first, said Carlson.

    Blaze crouched down and touched the floor. His hand went through the blue light and straight to the soft floor underneath. He pulled his hand back, stared at it for a second, and then repeated his actions.Remarkable. Simply remarkable.

    And? said Carlson.

    Blaze ignored him. He walked into the room as if nothing was unusual and went straight to the hovering curved “table” that had sparked his interest. He placed his hand on its surface. It felt solid. He looked beneath it then ran his arms underneath, like a magician waving a hoop over a levitating girl. There was nothing holding it up. “I love this ship, he muttered.

    Carlson stepped into the room—and then jumped back as the “wetness” surprised him, as if he had just accidentally stepped in a puddle.

    Blaze laughed.Come on in. The water's fine.

    Carlson looked at his boots. To his surprise, they hadn't even a hint of dampness on them, though when he entered the room he was sure they got soaked. He put his foot in again, toe first, and then pulled it back out. Sure enough, it felt wet, but there wasn't any moisture on his boot. He shrugged and walked in towards the 3-D picture, enjoying the cool sensation on his feet.

    “Incredible. Looks like a liquid, feels like a liquid, but in actuality it's just a sophisticated effect. They manipulate their environment with exact precision and then coordinate it with realistic holographic imagery. In this case, they must have controlled the temperature and humidity of the area above the floor just so, then combined it with a fancy light show to simulate the feel of water.

    Blaze waved his arm above the table again, stopping when a violet glow appeared on his sleeve.Ah, see that. Just like I said. He moved his arm to and fro, trying to locate the source of the ultraviolet light.There's probably some ultraviolet image here that we're unable to perceive.

    Carlson focused on a three-dimensional holographic image that was continuously changing before him. It began with two smaller aliens standing side by side. They were fully clothed in colorful form-fitting outfits, knee deep in a swamp-like body of water. The sky was bright with a reddish tinge.

The aliens separated and headed towards different odd-looking trees. What followed after that was a coordinated ballet of motion as they leapt from branch to branch, one alien seemingly chasing the other. One dove into the water, temporarily disappearing before resurfacing behind some vegetation. Then it made an acrobatic dash through water, land, and tree branches, before gracefully landing next to the other. The other one moved quickly and splashed him with water, until both stopped and grinned. Then the image recycled and both aliens were again standing side by side, and the action replayed itself.What do you make of this?

    Blaze looked for a minute, smiling at the two playful aliens. Home movies. These must be the kids. And our first glance at an alien world.”

Both paused for a minute, fully taking in the magnitude of that moment.

“Wow,” said Carlson.

“We’ll get a better look later.” Blaze resumed studying the room. He walked to the back and triggered an image. Now he could see the two pilots smoking cigarettes, shooting the breeze, just outside of the ship, yet he wasn't looking through a window. What he saw was an image created by the ship of what was directly outside that area if a window would have been there. He pushed his hand through the image and felt the cold metal wall behind it. The image appeared briefly on his hand before he pulled it away.Everything is incredible, he whispered.Every facet of this ship represents an incredible advance to every existing area of science.It was his dream come true.I'll bet the reason this ship is so intact, and most of the aliens survived, is that this computer generated a stasis field to cushion the impact. A holographic airbag, if you will, that appeared instantly throughout the entire ship and held everything in place. That would explain why nothing was thrown about on impact.”

    Carlson wasn't listening. He walked over to the platform, stopping briefly to feel his boots. He still couldn't believe they weren't really wet. He felt the platform. It was soft to the touch. He grew bolder and sat down. It was comfortable, and the dampness on his feet began to bother him, so he took the load off and laid down.Not bad. Think it sleeps one or two?

    Too small. Definitely one,” answered Blaze. Then he realized something. Something that no one thought of asking. Something important that they needed to know.Shit. I'll be right back.He bolted from the room.

    Jesus. Wait up.

    But it was too late. By the time Carlson got up and made it to the door, Blaze was gone.

 

 

73

 

 

    Gaines saw the transport truck a few hundred feet up the road. It was parked on the edge and he could see the rear doors sprawled wide open in the reflection from his headlights. He pulled up behind it, drew his gun, grabbed a flashlight, and got out slowly. It looked abandoned but he was not about to take any chances.

    He shone the beam into the rear, confirming his suspicions that his cargo was gone. Then he studied the ground beneath the cargo hold. There were two sets of footprints in the snow. The smaller ones, making a shorter indentation with an imprint of a standard issue Canadian boot, had to be Rebecca's. The larger ones couldn't have been Dupres' because the imprint was different. But who else's could they have been? And where was Dupres?

    He slowly made his way to the front. He stepped forward quickly and aimed his gun and flashlight into the front seat. There was no one there. Raising the beam slightly, he noticed the bloodstained passenger side seat and instantly his second question was answered. There was no mistaking it now. Rebecca was exactly what Logan said she was, but maybe she wasn't the one who killed him.

    He went around to the passenger's side for a closer look. That's when he saw the second set of tire tracks.

    He knew the transfer of so much cargo would have taken some time. He felt the hood of the truck. It was still warm. He knelt down feeling the snow surrounding the second set of tire tracks. It was soft. That meant they left recently. He could still catch them.

    Luckily, he was familiar with the area. He got back in the Jeep, drove about a mile ahead, and then pulled over to the side of the road. It was an elevated section of the highway and the surrounding terrain was relatively flat, affording him an excellent view of the road. In the distance he saw the lone red brake lights of a truck driving west. He got back in the Jeep and followed.

 

74

 

 

    It had been a harrowing run for Carlson. Each time he turned a corner he grew more disoriented in the alien environment surrounding him. The longer it took to find Blaze, the more frantic he became. Not only would Major Gaines give him hell for letting Blaze out of his sight, but also because being alone on this spaceship unnerved him more than he cared to admit.

And what if Blaze was up to something?

    He took a deep breath, regained his composure, and trotted back up to level three where Blaze had first eluded him.

    Sure enough, there he was, hunched over by the door of the room they had explored together. Blaze's breathing was labored and his face looked pale with concern. Carlson approached him with rapid strides.You mind telling me just what the heck you were doing?

    Blaze stood erect, trying desperately to catch his breath. He failed and hunched over again, waiting for his breathing to ease. “How many bodies did you load aboard the truck? he asked Carlson between gasps for air.

    What are you talking about? Carlson responded, puzzled.

    How many aliens did you load aboard the truck? he asked again.

    Thirteen. Why?

    “Thirteen, plus one that got away. Shit, Jeff exclaimed angrily.

    What's wrong? Carlson asked.

    I just did a bed check.

    So? Carlson responded not understanding the significance.

    We got thirteen aliens. I counted seventeen beds.

    So? Carlson said, a little slow on the uptake.

    That means there isn't just one alien loose on this planet. There are four.

 

 

75

 

 

    Nikolai saw the headlights behind them, the glare reflecting off his side view mirror. Whoever it was, they were approaching fast. He looked to Rebecca who also saw them from the right side-view mirror.

Are you expecting anyone? he asked, preferring to be cautious at all times.

    No, she answered.Slow down. Let's get a better look. If it's nothing, let them pass.

    Nikolai eased off the gas, watching as the vehicle approached. Through the brightness he saw the silhouette of the Jeep.It's military.

The Jeep flashed its lights, requesting them to pull over.

    It's one of mine. Stop the truck, she said.

    That's foolish. They can't stop us.

    They'll radio ahead and then we'll be facing more than one. Pull over. I'll take care of it, she said, pulling the alien weapon out of her pocket. She quickly reattached the alien's thumb to her own with a small strip of duct tape.

    Nikolai pulled over and stopped. He reached into the side panel and grabbed his gun.

    The Jeep stopped a safe distance behind them.

    Rebecca stepped out of the cab, keeping her right hand and the weapon concealed in her coat pocket. She hoped to talk her way out of it, and if need be, use her credentials. But if all else failed, she was ready to do the worst. That's when she noticed the man standing at the rear of the truck, illuminated by the Jeep's headlights, was Major Gaines, a scowl on his face, his gun pointed directly at her.David? she said, truly surprised to see him. What was he doing here? Did he know?

    Just tell me why? Gaines said angrily. He moved closer so she could see him clearly, keeping his gun aimed squarely at her chest. He looked at her closely, trying to see her in a new light, but still he saw the same wonderful woman he'd always known.Why? he shouted angrily.

    Put down the gun, David, she said calmly.

    I don't think so, Rebecca.He walked slowly to his left, peering around the driver's side to see if anyone else was there. He saw no one.

    It's not what you think, she said.

    “No?” He peered behind her, searching for her mysteriously large companion.What is it then Rebecca? Or is that even your real name? What is it? Natasha? Olga?

    Rebecca's face changed, his comments left no room for doubt. He knew. But how? It didn't matter. She had to get away. Slowly, she eased her hand into her pocket.

.    David saw her bewildered expression.That's right. I know everything. Take your hand out of your pocket—NOW!”

    She did as he ordered.David, she said gently, as she started walking towards him.

    NO! Don't say a word and don't come any closer.Gaines tensed up. He saw her hand, just like Logan warned him about.Take that thing off your thumb.

    She hesitated, and then began unraveling the duct tape with her other hand.

    Toss it over to me now.

    She threw the alien thumb and it landed a few feet in front of him.

    Keeping his eyes on her at all times, Gaines stepped forward and squashed it under his boot.Were you going to use that on me, like you did on the Japanese? Were you going to kill me like you did Dupres?

    I would never hurt you, David. You have to believe that.

    She didn't deny it. That means she did kill Dupres.Who's in the truck? demanded David.

    No one.

    “Bullshit.” Gaines waved the gun, motioning her to walk with him to the driver's side. Whoever was in there already knew of his presence and was probably watching him through the side mirrors.Tell him to come out, now.

    She did nothing.

    Gaines fired a shot, just to the side of her head, shooting out the driver's side window.Don't fuck with me anymore Rebecca. Tell him to come out now.

    She sauntered forward, approaching him in a seductive manner.We both know you're not going to shoot me, David, she said, intentionally using his first name over and over again to make it more personal.We both mean too much to each other.

    So come back. Turn this asshole over to me. Let me bring you in peacefully and I'll make sure they go easy on you.

    She smiled softly at him.You would do that for me?

    Yes.He kept his eye on the driver's side, approaching cautiously while maintaining a safe distance from Rebecca. Shooting her was a choice he didn't want to make. He waved his gun again, motioning her to back off. She did, slowly, knowing that if push came to shove, he would do it.

    Gaines put his back to the side of the truck and approached the door cautiously. Then, with one quick motion, he jumped in front of the driver side window and fired two shots blindly into the cab. Knowing he didn't hit anybody, he reached the gun in and fired lower, just in case the driver had ducked to the floor.

    Nikolai jumped down from the roof of the truck. His left foot smashed Gaines' right arm driving it against the window frame and jarring the gun from his grip. The gun clanked off the frame and fell inside the truck, completely out of his reach. Nikolai's other leg cracked into Gaines' forehead, knocking him down.

    Gaines fell hard, dizzy with pain. Nikolai landed crouched, like a big cat—then sprung into an offensive stance.

    Gaines swiftly got up, stumbling backwards to put distance between him and his attacker. Another punch came quickly at him. He leaned back and rolled with the blow, lessening the impact, only to be on the receiving end of a right hook that jostled his teeth. His instincts kicked in. A left was coming. He thrust his right arm up, blocked the punch, and then jabbed Nikolai in the gut with his right.

    Nikolai's abs was so solid, and Gaines' punch so sloppy, he was sure the blow hurt his hand more than it did Nikolai. Still, it gave him a moment to back away and study his adversary.

    He was a big man, Gaines thought. No, he corrected himself, not bighuge. He was six inches taller, easily fifty pounds heavier, and judging from the looks of him, that extra weight was all muscle. He looked at Rebecca as he lifted his arms up into a fighting stance.Who's your new friend? he asked.

    She didn't answer.

    Both men squared off.

    Nikolai advanced, leading with a right hook that Gaines blocked, and then following with a left jab that connected.

    Gaines' eye would be black tomorrow, but he remained on his feet, refusing to let Nikolai know how much that hurt.Strong, silent type, eh, he said, trying to distract him. He hoped Nikolai was as dumb as he was big.

    Unfortunately, Nikolai wasn't.

He feigned a right that Gaines almost fell for, and then threw a left that Gaines blocked. Gaines countered with a hook, but missed. Then he followed it with a front kick that Nikolai sidestepped. Nikolai pushed his leg to the left, slipped behind him, and grabbed him from behind in a choke hold.

    Gaines' training kicked in. Using his heel, he kicked Nikolai in the shin. Then he repeatedly pounded Nikolai's cold hands with his knuckles until his grip loosened. With his neck free, he tilted his head forward, then snapped it back fast, head-butting Nikolai in the mouth. With momentum on his side, he spun around quickly and delivered a follow-up right hook.

    Gaines' fist smacked into Nikolai's palm, like a fast ball in a catcher mitt—and Nikolai squeezed. Nikolai stared angrily at Gaines, tasting his blood as it trickled onto his tongue. Then he threw a right hook of his own.

    Gaines caught Nikolai's wrist before the powerful blow hit. It was a mistake. Now he was locked in a test of strength and Nikolai was clearly the stronger man.

    Nikolai shifted his weight and used his momentum to toss Gaines into the hard steel of the truck. He followed with a devastating right that split Gaines' lip.

    Gaines' mouth filled with blood and the pain filled him with desperation. He panicked, knowing it was now or never. As the next powerful punch flew toward him, he ducked, hearing the powerful impact of Nikolai's fist colliding with the truck. He counterattacked lower. A jab to the groin that folded Nikolai, quickly followed with an uppercut that crunched his jaw and straightened him out.

    Nikolai fell.

    Gaines pressed his advantage. He eyed Nikolai's head and decided to treat it like a football. He stepped forward and kicked up.

    But Nikolai caught his boot. Then he turned his wrists, twisting Gaines' ankle in a direction it wasn't meant to go in, and threw Gaines aside. He shook off the nausea of the low blow, and charged Gaines, who was attempting to get to his feet. His shoulder thrust into Gaines gut, his arms wrapped around Gaines' waist, and the two men tumbled over with limbs flailing wildly.

    Gaines tried to get up. He used the momentum of the roll and got on top. Then he coiled his arm ready to strike another blow.

    But Nikolai’s knee shot up, thrusting deep into Gaines' ribs. The impact sent him flying off before he could land the blow.

    Both men quickly got up.

    Gaines favored his right side. Blood dripped from his nose and mouth coating the left side of his face. He spat red into the snow.You ready to give up yet, you big dumb son of a bitch.

    Nikolai remained silent.

    Gaines feigned a jab then threw a right cross.

    But Nikolai had anticipated his move. He deflected the punch and latched hold of Gaines' arm. Then he sidestepped, placed his free hand on Gaines' elbow, twisted his torso, and spun Gaines into the truck. Nikolai held Gaines in the arm-lock and thrust a bone-crunching side kick into his exposed rib cage.

    A short involuntary scream escaped Gaines' throat. He winced from the pain.

    Then Nikolai shoved his forearm powerfully into Gaines' arm, snapping the bone in two.

    Gaines collapsed to his knees. His right side paralyzed from pain. His breathing labored from broken ribs scraping against his innards.

    Nikolai paused. The battle was over. Gaines was not getting up. He stepped away as Rebecca approached.It is over.

    Very nice, said Rebecca. She twirled the gun in her hand like a cowboy.We sparred together in training all the time and I rarely beat him.She shook her head and focused on Gaines. Oh well, she thought. She aimed her weapon at Gaines' head.

    Gaines gazed up, too injured to do anything. His eyes stared at hers pathetically, like a lost puppy. Everything he knew was a lie. He had failed and the woman he loved was about to end his life.

    Rebecca saw his defeated eyes and chuckled.Just for the record David, my real name's Valeri Ignosovitch, and I never truly cared for you a day in my life.She tensed her finger to pull the trigger.

    Nyet! Nikolai shouted, grabbing her hand.We have done what we came here to do. We are agents of the Soviet Republic.” He showed her his gun which he kept unused within his jacket. “We may kill, but we are not murderers.” He let her go.

    “Look at that, David. It's your lucky day.” She laughed out loud. She stepped closer, grabbed his hair, and stared into his bloody face. She puckered her lips, as if about to kiss him. Then she smashed him in the face with her gun. As he fell unconscious at her feet, she turned to Nikolai. “I'm sick of this country. Let's go home.”

Chapters

25

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Tom Kendall wrote 1133 days ago

Have read Chapter 1 only so far. This is a great read. I just wish it was a proper book. I hate reading from a screen, I do not find it relaxing. This is well written, at a good steady pace, and draws the reader in. Backed and five stars.

dloganw wrote 1134 days ago

Hi Allan, Just finished the first six 'authonomy chapters' and am completely hooked. I will definitely read the balance. You provide great detail of the various locations in the book, most of which I'm familiar with. I've been to Moscow several times, lived in Tokyo two years and went to Stanford (Palo Alto). Enjoy reading scenes in places I know when the describtions are excellent. This is definitely the kind of book I would purchase to read. Good luck with it. I've not only backed it but given it a six star rating.

David Alden wrote 101 days ago

Loving this, Allan. Backing, high starring, the works. A brisk yet very informative pace. Like the transition from prologue to story, two different writing styles that play perfectly.

Like the character intros...real people, real situations...all to culminate, I'm sure. Trust me, I could read a bunch of characters talking UFOs all day...like the fact I can relate to the ones you've created.

Can't wait to get deeper into this!

David Alden
Polaris 10 Short Stories

Ry Guyiam wrote 173 days ago

At the Kremlin so far, good plot can't wait to read the rest.

Ry Guyiam wrote 173 days ago

At the Kremlin so far, good plot can't wait to read the rest.

Brian Bandell wrote 656 days ago

The Roswell Protocols has been recognized as one of the favorite Authonomy books of Brian Bandell, author of science fiction thriller Mute from Silver Leaf Books.

Here are my thoughts on The Roswell Protocols and the other elite level books by emerging authors.

http://brianbandell.blogspot.com/2012/06/my-favorite-books-from-emerging-authors.html

Brian Bandell
Mute

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

BEST OF LUCK...Couldn't wait to get to the part about the spacecraft--the reader still doesn't get to lay eyes on it. I'll check this out later when its rewritten.

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

Ch 10, 11, 12 Still too much information. Make the words and dialogue count. When this gets to the editors desk and it will if the author does a rewrite and pares it down, he'll be happy that he cut out half of this. As others have said already, show it-don't tell it.

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

I think this would be better if we had two or three characters that the reader could identify with and invest in-such as the first three characters introduced in the book and then the other characters introduced along the way are just part of the ensemble. In other words, we- the reader- do not have to have extensive personal information about the minor characters if they appear only for a short time and are connected to the overall plot. The Japanese, the Russian are in the cast but not primary characters so therefore we need to know only how they are involved in the overall plot. Just my opinion...I could be wrong...but,

The author has done his research and we are skillfully put 'into' the scene. Used judiciously, this descriptive work heightens the suspensee. Still too wordy....

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

Ch 4 could be condensed into one paragraph and it would still tell the reader what the action is, what part the general plays etc. Ch 5 Again the writer has all the skills; ability to use good descriptive language but just gets wordy. A person's paranoia and anxiety can be described in a intense, exciting moment, and not drawn out. Ch 6 Same comments. Actually, the story is unfolding slowly but steadily.

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

Ch 2 The last third is much like the first two sections; the author needs to cut away extra material and reduce this all down to one scene, with very concentrated dialogue. I say make the words count to keep the reader intrigued and following along.

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

Ch 2 The last third is much like the first two sections; the author needs to cut away extra material and reduce this all down to one scene, with very concentrated dialogue. I say make the words count to keep the reader intrigued and following along.

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

Poor Lisa. We are bored with her a third of the way into this section. This issue of a gift and chocolates and dieting and sweatsuits-blah....blah....blah. Make this two paragraphs and it would fly. You have the ability to be descriptive you just go overboard into extraneous areas that just do not carry the story along.

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

So are we looking at Chapter 2 and 3? Well - Part 2- Lots of description that doesn't really lend itself to improving the scene of the woman and her background. Better if it were condensed, And why do all women in novels have to be beautiful? That doesn't give them character. Yes, she has flaws- or at least the author tries to downplay her perfection by giving her some 'mental problems'. Let's hope there is a reason for this- everything has to have a point- a connection to the theme of the story. There are some darn good descriptions IF there weren't so many of them. Also some oddly worded phrases that irritate the senses. I say all of this because I think that an editor would take a blue pen to this- weed out about a third of it and it would make it great. Just my opinion.....

Natasha Vloyski wrote 844 days ago

First chapter is dense material, which means that there is a lot of information, lots of second-by-second action, bit dry, which tends to slow down any suspense that is being built rather than intensify it. However, it is style of writing that can be successful and many would not agree with me. What I noticed was a certain professionalism, the writing was crisp and intelligent. That puts you at the top of the list in my book. I will continue to read as the concept is intriguing and I rarely give up on a story unless it's awful.. P.S. I love Preston and Child novels. I also like unusual concepts that are not way,way far out. That would put half of Steven Kings books on my shelf.
Backed and supported.

jsault2003 wrote 890 days ago

You’ve developed some good dialogue and the nature of the conflict is crystal clear from the beginning.

I detect a power-packed opening that promises to attract and hold the reader’s attention.

I do have some concerns:

A.M. and P.M. are usually written as a.m. and p.m. (Chicago Manual of Style, 15th edition, p. 391)

Be careful with the telling as opposed to showing. You’ve already established the routine and the “sigh” you showed gives the impression of boredom.

“…replied the MP.” Attribution is usually written as …the MP replied (said, etc).

Two minutes later he and (comma between “later” and “he”)

Charlie anxiously watched the doors open sluggishly, then close menacingly behind him as the bus made its way inside. Too many adverbs cloud the impact of action verbs.

-apogee reading at eighty miles and heading down.” Wouldn’t the location, speed, and direction be a little more technical than this?

I would suggest not qualifying Charlie’s credentials right after he has advised the object has changed course. This has the effect of eroding the suspense.

The tension grew palpable….show the tension in the actions of the people involved (papers snatched from the hands of airmen) or by the tone and sharpness of orders issued (“Move your ass, Jones!”). Your storyline, writing skill, and the genre you’re writing in will attract some well-educated readers. Make them put their minds to work by partnering with you to figure some things out.

In my opinion, “The bogey disappeared from the screen.” Should not be buried in the middle of the sentence where it was placed. “Thirty seconds more passed when suddenly the unthinkable happened.” is the buildup to one important moment. Don’t hesitate here, give it to the reader in a separate paragraph composed of a one-line sentence after ….unthinkable happened.----------The boogey disappeared from the screen. There may be other sentences in the manuscript that deserve a one-line paragraph of their own in order to maximize impact. This is only one method.

The manner in which your prose is written did not inspire me to go on to Chapter 1. In my opinion, it does not have a smooth flow.

Your long pitch has a tremendous amount of potential, that of many nations racing to beat each other to a discovery that could change the course of world history. If you are going to build great expectations, then you have to meet them.

The best thing is that you have listed your book as complete. That suggests you have developed a linear plot (I gather that from what you have written in the Prologue) that proceeds to the climax. You’re done one of the hardest parts, getting from the beginning to the end.

I will pass this on to you, as it was passed on to me. An agent or publisher will only give you from one to five pages to convince them your manuscript is worth them putting more time into it (Noah Lukeman’s The First Five Pages and Jessica Morrell’s Thanks, But This Isn’t for Us). That has to be where your best writing occurs.

Jsault2003, author of Battle against the Beast
http://www.authonomy.com/books/38506/battle-against-the-beast/read-book/#chapter

subra_2k123 wrote 1012 days ago

Very interesting book for a sci fi lover. In fact my friend dloganw asked me to read your book. I backed it and starred it with pleasure.

Sandy Mackay wrote 1060 days ago

Hi Allan, Have read the first three chapters and am very curious about the bogey. Space and alien beings facinate me and your story has me hooked. The characters are well drawn and the locations described beautifully. Will return to read more. Good luck. Sandy.

Graham Jon Don Lench wrote 1064 days ago

Just read the opening chapter.very intriguing and will comment further as I carry on. I love science fiction. Will add to my book shelf and rate.

Graham Lench
The Eighth Day

Intriguing Trails wrote 1069 days ago

The Roswell Protocols
Fiction, Sci-fi 3rd person, multiple

Premise: A spaceship crashes and all the earth's major players are vying for the goods. Great premise, esp for those who believe in Area 51.

Mechanics: Very clean. I didn't see a single mistake.

Plot: After reading through Ch 1, I found the story to be engaging esp about half way through the chapter. IMO, the first 700+ words, (first half of the chapter) do little to ceate suspense or engage the reader. While the 2nd half is compelling and dynamic, the first half almost put me off. It probably isn't fair to judge the whole on just one chapter, but in fact, most publishers will and so will most readers. I'd suggest revising the start. Make every word do a job.

POV. I found several instances where the point of view switches between characters. Though it doesn't bother me and might enrich the story, it is my understanding that publishers take a dim view of this practice.

Pacing: As I mentioned above, the story is extremely slow to start. The second half of Ch 1 is very well paced and engaging.

Overall impression: I think the author has a fantastic premise and is very strong in terms of mechanics. IMO, with a minor revision to enhance the begining of the book, it has the potential to be a very marketable piece with very wide readership.
Rated generously 6* based on the premise, the mechanics and the potential. Backed.
Raechel
Echo

Clive Eaton wrote 1073 days ago

Just read the prologue to start with. You just sense something is about to kick off the moment Charlie Faber clocks in. Very well written with great detail, particularly when the bogey is spotted, that really drew me in. The prologue finishes on a great hook. Why the cover up? I guess I need to read more to find out . . . and I will. Just my kind of book.

Clive
The Pyramid Legacy

Red2u wrote 1082 days ago

Hi Allan: I generally do not read sci-fi but must say i was caught up with the pitch and read the first chapter. Vwery well written. I have rated and WL for further reading.
RED

Clive Eaton wrote 1099 days ago

Reading your full pitch this looks to be my sort of book. I've now put it on my watchlist. Good luck with it.

Clive
The Pyramid Legacy

Helen Rose wrote 1103 days ago

Wow, your book is really great. It's well written and extremely interesting. I'm so glad my friend David asked me to take a look at it.

Frank Sabetan wrote 1107 days ago

Dear Allan:
It is my pleasure to read your book. I really appreciate my friend--David recommend your book to me. I just start to read and I believe I will fall in love with your work. Good luck.

Scott S. wrote 1110 days ago

My friend David keeps recommending me to read your book. Once I started to read your book, I got the reason why he did that. Thanks for your nice work.

Rodentus wrote 1111 days ago

Hi Allen. Sci-fi is a hard misstress and little comfort when there is nothing really new in sci-fi. The idea is great,
it tells us what were are not and how far we have yet to come. Go for it

Medium_Al wrote 1111 days ago

Thanks for the kind comments. Quick answer. Initially the Canadian pilots were ordered to shoot down what they thought was either a meteor or space debris that was going to impact in a populated area. They were surprised to spot a glint of sunlight off of something metal when they closed in and the object then "vanished" before they could even get off a shot.

Hi Alan,
I've just read the first 3 chapters. I must say it is well written and realize you have obvious talent. I will read more later at the moment I'm still writing. One thing though. I wonder why the air force decided to attack the flying object before it found out if they were peaceful, or maybe theres a reason given in a further chapter. Still I've decided to back your book and am looking forward to reading more later.

HWelsh wrote 1111 days ago

Hi Alan,
I've just read the first 3 chapters. I must say it is well written and realize you have obvious talent. I will read more later at the moment I'm still writing. One thing though. I wonder why the air force decided to attack the flying object before it found out if they were peaceful, or maybe theres a reason given in a further chapter. Still I've decided to back your book and am looking forward to reading more later.

DLT wrote 1111 days ago

Awesome stuff man! I'll be back to read through more chapters. Wish I could purchase this on a book shelf!

Patrick Brockers wrote 1112 days ago

Hi, Allan:
Nice to read your book. I read David's Mankind's end last week and he recommended me your book. I think I will enjoy reading your book as well.

Patrick Brockers wrote 1112 days ago

Hi, Allan:
Nice to read your book. I read David's Mankind's end last week and he recommended me your book. I think I will enjoy reading your book as well.

Hero Xie wrote 1115 days ago

I like you book very much! Thanks to my friends Gary Xie and David Welch' recommendation I got the chance to know you and your book! Keep going~ I will back up you~!

Gary Xie wrote 1115 days ago

I've read the first three chapters of your book and found it quite interesting. I will read more later but have decided to back it and give it a good star rating. I'm glad my friend David Welch asked me to take a look.

Gideon McLane wrote 1122 days ago

"The Roswell Protocols" - Allan Burd. I read through chapter 3 (2 of Autonomy). Bookshelf for keeping the reader's interest (after a slow beginning). Some thoughts: major suggestion - flip your chapter 1 with your prologue - prologue is a little boring - you need to grab the reader immediately, not talk about how boring the airman's job and environment are to him (and the reader); chapter 1 - ". . . next eight hours..." delete "And he was." - is sentence fragment and redundant; chapter 2 - "Then a thunderclap..." - delete "Then"; "Then the rumbling. . ." - delete "Then"; I noted an overuse of "then" - you might want to check to see how often you use it and when possible delete it or rephrase the sentence. Hope this helps.

Gideon ("Thrill Writer's Remorse")

Roger Lawrence wrote 1126 days ago

I just found this. I like it and will read all you've done. Nice and pacey.

Frank James wrote 1130 days ago

Hi Allan,

I don't have a lot of problem with your work, I think It's a good read, right from the beginning. As is usual with me, if I like it I give it my BACKING and in this case, five stars. I would wish you all the best for the future.

Frank James (The Contractor)

dloganw wrote 1131 days ago

Just finished authonomy chapter 13. This is really a winner, tense and exciting all the way with the promise of more to come. The story line is great and the writing is very accomplished as well. Definitely an ED book within a few months but more important a great read.
David

Winston Chad Emerson wrote 1132 days ago

Strong prologue. The setting and dialogue feel authentic. As I read I get the sense that you're either experienced with this kind of job (watching a radar screen in the middle of the night at some government facility) or you're a writer who knows how to do his research. Either way, I'm able to immediately trust in the narrative. Prologue closes appropriately and leaves me wanting to read on, which is what prologues are all about.

I think your first paragraph needs to go. What you communicate with it - Charlie's boredom with his job - is communicated better in the action and dialogue to follow. Omit the first paragraph and you bring readers immediately into the story.

I'll put this on my watchlist and read another chapter soon. If it continues to intrigue me I'll shelve it soon.

Good stuff.

Winston

Medium_Al wrote 1132 days ago

My book will rise or fall based on its own merit. It's here complete. Feel free to read it if you like. All honesty, constructive commentary is welcome.

Good job with the sock puppets. Put you in the weekly top spot.

The Whistle Blower wrote 1132 days ago

Good job with the sock puppets. Put you in the weekly top spot.

Tom Kendall wrote 1133 days ago

Have read Chapter 1 only so far. This is a great read. I just wish it was a proper book. I hate reading from a screen, I do not find it relaxing. This is well written, at a good steady pace, and draws the reader in. Backed and five stars.

dloganw wrote 1134 days ago

Hi Allan, Just finished the first six 'authonomy chapters' and am completely hooked. I will definitely read the balance. You provide great detail of the various locations in the book, most of which I'm familiar with. I've been to Moscow several times, lived in Tokyo two years and went to Stanford (Palo Alto). Enjoy reading scenes in places I know when the describtions are excellent. This is definitely the kind of book I would purchase to read. Good luck with it. I've not only backed it but given it a six star rating.

Phyllis Burton wrote 1134 days ago

Hello Alan, I have long been a fan of your type of sci-fi story and have been fascinated by the controvercy involved in the Roswell area. This would make a fantastic film - you paint very good pictures in the mind. Although I have only read the first five chapters, I intend to read more...I need to know what happens. In the meantime, I am starring this and will place it on my shelf when there is room.
I would appreciate it if you would take a look at either of my two stories: PAPER DREAMS & A PASSING STORM.
Best wishes to you

Phyllis

lizjrnm wrote 1134 days ago

This is fascinating- it has the sort of pace that grabs you from the get-go and doesn't let up. Shelved and appreciate that you have uploaded the entire novel.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle
Electric Company

DPMartin wrote 1135 days ago

Fantastic! Your writing is supperb, your characters believable and well-developed. The plot moves along at a very believable progress, and the details you include are interesting and add greatly to the plot. Love where the story is going. Well done. I look forward to reading more.

Debbie Martin
THE TIMID HEART

Jim Heter wrote 1135 days ago

Allan, I finished reading your story. Well done, and quite believable for anyone who is at all into the Roswell Aliens scene (or an old X-files fan). I hadn't encountered the dolphinesque aspect before. Is that part of the mythology or your own conjecture? Makes for a natural sequel, since these aliens should be far more interested in our oceans than our land. Also, there's the matter of blue vs red blood, which you left hanging. Another topic for the sequel? Jim

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Frankie7701 wrote 1136 days ago

Awesome!!!! Very exciting!

leigh roeder wrote 1136 days ago

What a great book!

marajill wrote 1137 days ago

Great Book!!! Couldnt put it down, great suspense, adventure, and thrill.

Tari wrote 1139 days ago

This is such an engaging book with drama, action, mystery and suspense. There's a blip on the radar. What is it?
Charlies is a great character as is Commander Stamford.
Love how they all hold their breath waiting for the bogey. Is it a satellite, a meteor? They all gather round, tension at its highest then the bogey disappears.
But there's the hook at the end of the chapter.
You introduce a new thread straightaway. Along with the excellent pitch, this tells the reader this is going to be a treat. A deeply textured book.
The prose is faultless and flows, gripping the reader. .

Backed with pleasure.

I wish you all the best with this,

Katy.xx.
Phobic Dawn.

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