The Prince and The Sorcerer

Great cover and very imaginative premise. The writing is excellent so far so I am backing and starring this. Skater

Hello there, well, I was drawn to the title of your book, so I've come to give it a read. Please don't feel obliged to take on board anything I say, so it's completely up to you whether you find any of the following helpful.

The pitch was not bad, but the 'good and evil' bit came off as quite generic. I'd stick with keeping it Saurus-centric.

PROLOGUE

Not a bad opening, but referring to the wind as 'it' threw me. Usually when introduced to characters (the two men) stories I've read (published and otherwise) tend to shift focus to them, rather than remain with the opener.

'as they walked for several hours'- this is a bit vague! I'd incorporate your earlier description of the trees and prefer you give us a character interpretation rather than a random statement. 'X and Y had been walking for hours, their legs leaden, arms scratched'. It brings the walking closer to the reader.

'I'm an old man'- having already told us, I didn't find this very natural. I'd go for a less obvious way of telling this, like 'I've had fifty years to seize up' or 'I'm not as fit as I used to be', even 'My arthritis!' :)

'far too old', again, you can give this some more vividness. You have his cane- why not describe him more? Such as stooped posture, spindly gait, thinning/ grey hairs, wrinkled cheeks? It can also help fleshen his character a bit. Is he a grumpy old man, forced to come out against his wishes? A fearful old man, fleeing something terrible behind? All of these little things can seed cues for the reader to pick up on.

'He watched the shadows with caution' again, inject some more tension here. What about noises? Is he stealing furtive glances? Can hear his breathing? Feels sweaty/ clammy? Is he expecting trouble?

'smooth hands'- I found this a little unusual. I get what you mean (not having to do hard labour) but having seen a lot of elderly people's hands as a medic, I'd say smooth was the last thing you'd call them :) But I did get what you meant, this is just being nitpicky.

Watch you dialogue punctuation: 'Lead the way then, son." (H)is husky voice...

'Mud and leaves made the truck...' think you mean 'track'.

'Tarek'- this name seems familiar? I may have read your story before... :)

Ah, the centaur was a nice surprise! As was the reveal about the old man's status...

'Tarek smiled as the king inhale(d)...' typo

This is all sounding very very familiar- I have a feeling I did comment on this long ago in the distant past. It reads nicely, anyway :)

Well, end of the Prologue! Enjoyable, and you end on a good line. However, I wasn't really feeling the atmosphere as much as perhaps I could have. Slightly more character insight into their surroundings (which you got to eventually when they reached the clearing), and some more linkage of the description to how it affects the journey would help bring it to life more.

Writing was good- a few typos (hey, who hasn't got them?), but easy to read and good flow.

ONE

Right- this I found a lot more gripping, a lot more compelling, and generally better. I think it's because you've got us right into Sarus's head, which you lack a bit in the prologue. If you can do this in the prologue (maybe with Tarek?), I feel it would be much better.

Wow, much less to say here- compelling mystery, excellent puzzle, pretty good pacing it out, and of course much stronger characterization. Good job!

TWO
Ah yes, I remember this! Fits better now with the mystery tower chapter thrown in (I hope I'm right about reading this before? If not, I do apologize, lol.

Well then, an enjoyable read which will prove to be a delight to YA fantasy enthusiasts! Once you get going your characters and writing improve. I'd work on the prologue a little (if you feel it's really needed), or I'd remove it. However people will hoo and haa about prologues- I have one, and if it's necessary, leave it.

good luck and all the best

Sam241

Hi.
I have read the first five chapters of your book and am enjoying it, fantasy is my favourite genre. The story is intriguing and i was immediately interested in the characters and what was happening to them. If i had to find a criticism it would be there are a few places where words had been missed or needed punctuating. For example; in chapter 4 'he waited for sarus to tethered jasper before.' 'These are only tiny quibbles that don't detract from the story and only need a little fine tune editing. i have added your book to my watch list and will definitely be back to read some more.
If you get time i would be really grateful if you could check out my book 'Vortex' and let me know what you think.
Thanks
Lindsey

You have an interesting and engaging writing style. I can see how this will be an intriguing read. Let me know what you think of "Just Out of Sight". It is however a completely different genre. I hope to be on your bookshelf soon.
Craig (Bandof1)

Welcome to Authonomy. Just thought I would pop by and look at your book. Your strenght is in you discription and I think because of it the story seems to be more weighted in that direction. You give so many details. I have read many other fantasy book who stories are weighted likewise. I struggle with discription so admire those who don't.
There were a couple of times when there was a point of view switch. Wasn't sure if that was intended or not.

Good luck with this

Connie