Book Jacket

 

rank 2645
word count 60799
date submitted 01.03.2011
date updated 20.06.2012
genres: Science Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

A New Star

Michael Gray

A daydreamer is given the power to put things right.

 

Christian watches the night sky trying to imagine who's out there. He would give anything to travel to just one of those stars because he firmly believes humanity is only one of millions of species inhabiting our galaxy. Sitting on his favourite hilltop, staring into the endless twinkling blackness, a new star appears and changes his life. He can have powers beyond his imagination if he is willing to put right mankind's wrongs.

He agrees and is given alien technology that makes him more powerful than all humanity and becomes the first human to travel the galaxy. Governments around the world become desperate to discover who he is and the secret of his power but are helpless when confronted with technologies from the future.

His objective seems impossible but that's before he realises he has command of the elements. Even then he cannot begin to appreciate where this is going to take him and the whole human race.

 
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tags

alien species, earth ecology, political change., science fiction, space travel, spaceships, technology

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17 comments

 

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Chiasma wrote 1001 days ago

An entertaining read with good attention to detail, particularly the science aspects. I loved the analysis of the oncoming light, the head-on trajectory - as I've seen this myself on occasion. Styling could be punchier but apart from that well done and the best of luck.

mdws77 wrote 1021 days ago

Another thing: These are minor things, bu you may want to use double-quotes instead of single-quotes to depict conversations. It was a little confusing figuring out who was talking at times. You use single-quotes for word like don't, mankind's, Fulluru's, and you should use double-quotes for "Right...Mr Prime Minister, I will go away and instigate a global conference call...we've much to do."
Also, you will need to look through your conversations and make sure they have beginning and ending quotes (sometimes you don't have those).
I hope you find these suggestions useful, and I really do like the book.

mdws77 wrote 1021 days ago

I like your novel very much and hope to see more of this story soon (it says it is incomplete). However, I do have some questions. What did the main character do before he got his visit? What was his education? Was he unemployed (it seemed like he was)? How old is this character and his wife? Although those answers don't seem to matter to the story, they may matter to your audience. It lets them know where this guy is coming from. I am rating this book a Very Good (5-star), but I do hope you take these questions into account. It looks like your could end this book on Chapter 17, but I would think you would want to continue the story.

mdws77 wrote 1029 days ago

I am in the process of reading this book as I did your first book. I will give more comments later, but I did notice that you refer to the Andromeda star system which is a little over 4 light years from our solar system. Unless there is some difference with names that I don't know about between cultures, the star system your refer to should be Alpha Centauri, not Andromeda.

Giulietta Maria wrote 1095 days ago

A clever idea and creative read. I liked the pitch- it drew me in to reading a chapter or two. The writing could be a bit more dynamic if you cut down on beginning sentences with 'I' ('I look down ... I often sit ...') You could start sentences a little differently (instead of 'I often sit' you could say 'On one of my favourite hilltops, I sit in the lush grass and watch ...) Just a suggestion. Backed!

mariahj24 wrote 1121 days ago

I find this to be a fascinating and unusal read. I must compliment you on your ability to develop a thought with such consice depth. So many books leave the reader to question what the author intended and this book does just the opposite. Very best of luck to you. MJ

JuCaSe wrote 1133 days ago

Blackheart put me onto this. Only just started reading but enjoying it so far...

George Anderson wrote 1147 days ago

Hey Michael,

Congrats on the manuscript. It's a lot of work.

You have a strong concept in this story. I'm going to focus on the areas that could use work, because I don't think giving you an ego trip will help you grow as a writer at all.

Take a good look at any page or paragraph. Some of this is not ready for print. Examples, to give you an idea of what I'm talking about:

/// I watched it for a few seconds as it enlarged to the size of a Golf Ball, relatively speaking and decided it was time to get out of the area. ///

Who decided it was time to get out of the area? I or the golf ball? (subject confusion)

/// I… was hurled ten or fifteen feet by a pressure wave from the object as it passed low overhead. I was flung into some long grass, which cushioned the impact and left me with only a bruise or two. ///

Passive voice doesn't help action to pop off the page. Try something like this:

The a pressure swept over me and blew me into a patch of tall grass. I picked myself up, bruised, but mostly unhurt.

/// The look on his face was a picture. Total confusion mixed with fright. His security aides were racing about like headless chickens trying to figure out what was going on. Absolutely nobody else was touched, it was 100% personal. ///

This will not look good in print. Try:

His face was gripped with shock. His aides ran around trying to figure out what had happened, but they never would; the event had touched him only.

Please don't take any of this as discouragement. If you have the drive, sit back, consider your writing, look at it on paper (don't edit on screen), imagine it nicely typeset in a printed book, and ask yourself if the content, style, words, punctuation, etc., are ready for it. Don't stop until they are.

George Anderson (G. T. Anders)
The Tower of Babel

tecmic wrote 1167 days ago

Very, very good. Dare I say it, certain parts, reminds me of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Not the story itself, but the way your enveloped both your character and the ball of light, in a few paragraphs. I have to agree with @the_dragon_flies perhaps it does lack emotion. As your character left for the night, minutes after just encountering something amazing!!! I was instantly disappointed, wishing he had explored more.
I only managed 2 chapters, they are both fast and long, and for the moment, I shall be watching this.
I wish you all the best ... you may like HOPE, its character too has been wanting something more for a very long time :)



idilly, I thank you for your kind comments and note your agreement with 'the dragon flies' emotion observation.

I do tend to want to keep my sci-fi clean and incisive, majoring on technology rather the characters and I know this can be a problem for readers. I'll review it and try to make Christian more human in his reactions!

Mike.

idilly wrote 1167 days ago

Very, very good. Dare I say it, certain parts, reminds me of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. Not the story itself, but the way your enveloped both your character and the ball of light, in a few paragraphs. I have to agree with @the_dragon_flies perhaps it does lack emotion. As your character left for the night, minutes after just encountering something amazing!!! I was instantly disappointed, wishing he had explored more.
I only managed 2 chapters, they are both fast and long, and for the moment, I shall be watching this.
I wish you all the best ... you may like HOPE, its character too has been wanting something more for a very long time :)

Su Dan wrote 1179 days ago

this story has great pace; you lead us through with care and skill, and keep our interest along the way...on my watchlist for now...
read SEASONS...

ABR wrote 1196 days ago

A great premise for a sci-fi novel. Your protag's use of the technology seemed frivolous at first, but since it was an attention getter for the politicians it works, and it added a dose of humor, which I like. I added your story to my watchlist, so I can read more of it.

the dragon flies wrote 1197 days ago

[A New Star]

Your protag sees a bright light that appears to come straight towards him. Yet, there is barely any fear. When I was sitting on that hilltop, contemplating the things your protag does, I would indeed be surprised when I saw the light appear.

I would look more closely and with phones being the way they presently are, I would most likely take pictures or even film the whole thing. WHo is ever going to believe me otherwise?

But the thing is getting closer, so I would be scared. In fact, I would run away panicking.

I would panic even more when I suddenly bump into something that is invisbile.

You are a capable writer: I see it in the humor you use. But you lack emotions. I don't feel the fear and the panic and I don't expect the guys owning the invisible ship to let him go home that easily. If they want to stay invisible, that is because they don't want to be discovered and thus they would pick him up even before he got away.

Add emotions. If you get all kinds of neat stuff you have been dreaming about, would you still be able to end the chapter by sitting down and drinking your morning cup of tea? I would think you would be jumping around until you calmed down again.

This is well written, but make it better by adding real emotions your protag and others may feel when confronted with everything that happens around them.

lizjrnm wrote 1200 days ago

So far this is a very thought provoking read - Ive shelved and starred it.

Liz
The Cheech Room

Vall wrote 1206 days ago

Hello Michael, I just read Chaps 1 and 6, and really enjoyed them. Your story is intriguing and written with a wry humour that appeals to me. Christian's character is well portrayed, although I think maybe in Ch 1 you could make more of Frances and their relationship. Maybe a bit more 'show don't tell,' here and there but like I say, I did enjoy this, very original. I will read more. Best wishes, Vall

Patientman wrote 1239 days ago

Only read first chapter but struggled. If you could take the intention of each paragraph and say it more succinctly it would pick up the pace and rythym. Feels as though you're explaining what is happening as you find it, which is fine if it were real life and I was standing next to you, but as a reader I need to be drawn in. Use language to create the sense of tension and suspense the situation suggests. The first ten paragraphs could be done in three, and in my opinion it would benefit greatly from doing so, but it is only my opinion. This is a good start and the essence of the story grabbed my attention. Don't be disheartened by my words. My advice is offered with only good intentions in mind. Good luck.

Laurence Howard wrote 1241 days ago

Intriguing and original. I hope it does well.
Backed.
Laurence Howard,
The Cross of Goa

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