“Hurry up Jaz! Steve’s outside waiting for us! We still have to go pick up Carla and we’re meeting up at Sue’s so we can all leave together!” Jen shouted from the doorway.
“Hold on I’m coming!” I said as loudly as I could, stretching my ridiculously distorted clown face as I smeared the last of my lip gloss to perfection. The faces women come up with when putting on make- up. “Ah, that’s better! Coming!” I chimed as I grabbed my red, vinyl clutch and whirl-winded out the door.
As it turned out we didn’t end up going for coffee after all. The club was pretty happening since we actually got there around 11:30ish. I hated showing up early and standing in the middle of the dance floor like an uber-dork waiting for it to get busy. But Jen never passes on a chance to drink so we usually get to clubs early. Since she dressed like icing-sprinkled-eye-candy-for-men, she also got first dibs on any hotties hanging around. We decided to go to Luxy night club, which is in Vaughn Ontario. That would also explain why we got there later than usual. One slight disadvantage to being later, and not being on the guest list, was waiting in line for what felt like two hours. At least it felt like it in mid-October. Brrrrr it was chilly out. It didn’t help that I wore a dress, and sandals. I hated waiting in line for coat check so I didn’t bother bringing my jacket, but I was soon starting to regret that. Looking at Jen made me even colder. She had on a slinky glued-on-hoochie- leopard print poor excuse for a dress that barely reached under her ass, paired with black vinyl hooker boots and large hoop earrings. Her poufy, blond hair was the cherry on top. We finally got in after nearly turning into an ice-cube. I felt a tug at my arm and there was Tom smiling and pulling me closer into his chest. “Hey babe, the guys are at the bar getting a drink. You want anything?”
“Uhhh, I’ll have a Caesar, if this place serves any, thanks hun” I said and pecked him on the lips.
It wasn’t long before we all started getting into the groove. Tom, Bill, Steve and James were clustered together sipping on their beers, while the girls hand their own party on. After a few rounds of tequila shots, we were like a woman’s football dancing crew. There were a series of hip checks, butt checks and shimmies in our circle. I had to remind Jen to hold on to her top ‘cuz her girls were ready to fly out and do the nipple dance. The huge smile on Jen’s face made me feel relieved and happy for her. I hated to see her moping around in self-pity. She was back to her normal self in no time, and I was pretty darn proud of myself for getting her out of the apartment, although by the evening it was her practically peeling me out of the apartment.
“Whoooo hooooooooo! I need some more tequila!” Jen shouted as she twirled around like a merry-go-round.
“Me too!” yelled Carla.
“Me three!” tagged along Sue who was the quieter one of the group, but clearly came out of her shell after six rounds of tequila.
“Uhh me four?” I said as I interlocked arms with Jen and swung her over to the bar with me. “One last round for everyone and that’ll do k?”
“Ahh Jaz stop being nanny-party-pooper! We’re here to have fun!”
“I’m serious Jen, one more round; we’re having a great time. Let’s not push it”.
“What-ev!” She said as she flipped me the bird and turned to grab the shot glasses.
“Oh no you di-int!” I said and I hip-checked her as I guzzled down my tequila.
“I have to go pee Jaz, I’ll be right back”
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“Nah, I’m a big girl Jaz, stay here with the girls I’ll be right back” she said as she rushed out of the circle and made her way to the bathroom.
By now the guys were congregated around us in baby-sitting mode since we all had more than enough rounds of tequila. We danced for a good ten minutes, when I realized that Jen still hadn’t returned from the bathroom.
“I hope Jen’s ok” said Carla as she looked at me warily.
“Yeah, I’m gonna go check on her” I said as I turned around and peered through the crowd on my way to the bathroom, just in case she got stuck to some sleaze-bag or rapist .No sign of her. I searched the bathroom, and waited until every girl came out of each stall but still there was no sign of her. “Have you seen a blond girl in a leopard-print dress around here?” I asked a girl in the bathroom who didn’t look as trashed as the other sacks of bitches waddling around the sink. I swear they looked like zombie-hoes. They could barely keep their balance, babbling uncontrollably to complete strangers, and still had the nerve to attempt lipstick application. Funny sight. The girl I approached was tall, with perfect cocoa skin, and gorgeous honey eyes. I could swear they were glowing at me. Wow, I guess I was ready to join the zombie-hallucination club. I was pretty trashed myself, but at least I could maintain my equilibrium. I was pretty dang proud of that. “I saw someone by that description about five minutes ago, she was hanging around the hall to the bathrooms with a tall, dark haired guy” she replied. Her eloquence surprised me. How could she be so elegant, and articulate, especially at two am at a night club? She looked right at me, but it felt like she was looking through me. Her eyes seared through me like rays of sunshine. Her honey gold eyes brightened, and I could swear there was light piercing out of them. I froze. “Thank you” I said with a quiver in my voice. What the hell was wrong with me? I drank much more than this before, and I’ve never had hallucinations! Right before she turned to walk away, I saw a soft golden light radiating all around her. She never took her eyes off of me as she walked out of the bathroom. What. The. Fuck. Something compelled me to fling myself after her. There was something about her that I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but the strong gut-gripping feeling in my stomach told me to follow her. I ran right after her outside the door. I swear I could still see her long, black, fluid hair swaying out the door as I reached out to stop her. She was gone. It was like she had disappeared in thin air. Where did she go? I needed to know more. I needed to know where my best friend had gone. She couldn’t be trusted for two minutes to make it to the bathroom and back by herself. She was gonna get an earful when I’d find her. I was getting sick of being on drunken-ho-babysitting duty. I knew she’d had a rough day and all, but come on; a girl’s gotta learn some self control at some point in her life. Plus, I had a shift to work the next day. I guess Princess-Chugs-a-Lot never considered that ‘cuz she gets weekends off. I didn’t exactly have searching-under-every-rock-under-the-sun-for-skank-bag as a priority in my schedule given the fact that I’d have maybe four hours to sleep before having to go to work. I returned to my group and noticed that Jen still wasn’t there.
“What the fuck! She’s not in the bathroom, and some girl told me she saw her with some dark haired dude near the bathrooms” I said to Carla in a rather frustrated tone. I sighed. She sighed. With eyes rolling throughout the group Sue the ‘shy’ one responded.
“She’s gotta be around here somewhere. Let’s split up and look for her”.
“Yeah good idea” replied Carla.
“Ok I’ll keep looking around the bathroom area, I’ll meet you guys back here in five, and where are the guys?’
“Oh, they’re probably at the bar grabbing a beer. They announced last call about five minutes ago” said Carla.
As I combed through the crowd with my eyes, I saw a really bright spot. It was like a glow coming through a group of people. I walked towards it and then she appeared.
“Still can’t find her?” said the tall cocoa-skinned Barbie doll.
“No, I came back to look for her” I said mesmerized by her eyes. She didn’t say another word. She kept looking straight through my eyes, and slowly lifted her right arm, and pointed a long slender finger in the direction of the men’s bathroom. I kept looking but didn’t see any sign of Jen. “Go” she said as she kept pointing. Her eyes started searing golden again, and her skin emitted a glow that encompassed her entire frame. She has an aura, I thought to myself as I walked in the direction of her finger. I turned away from her for an instant and looked back. She. Was. Gone. Oh. My. God. Was I going totally insane? What the…? I walked towards the men’s bathroom. Again, I was hit with another case of stomach strangulation. I had to take a step further, and further and further. I peered in the men’s bathroom feeling like a total doorknob, but I couldn’t stop myself. A blond guy with pointy hedge-hog hair-do popped out of the bathroom and gave me an amused look. “Hey babe, wrong bathroom, but I don’t mind!” I completely ignored him and made zero eye contact. I kept inching my way in. My gut was knotting harder and harder. As I approached the door, I heard the echo of a sickeningly familiar female voice giggling. I also heard a gut-wrenchingly familiar male voice teasing her. I stopped in my tracks as I heard her squeal his name “Oh!”--- She squirmed “Tom you’re tickling me!”
My heart sank, probably somewhere between my spleen and my liver. Then I had the sudden urge to throw up. I had to look. I just had to. Being the masochistic see-for-myself kinda girl I was. I craned my head in the door and looked into the bottom of one of the stalls, at a pair of black hooker boots, size six, and a pair of brown Diesel moccasins, size ten, facing each other and touching. I started feeling dizzy and nauseous all at once. I felt my face getting extremely hot, and my vision started to blur. It was surreal. I felt like I was in a nightmare. Was my best friend fooling around with MY boyfriend in a men’s bathroom stall in a club? I felt electric fury all over, and decided to take one last determined step toward the stall, and peeked through the groove of the door. The worse thing that could possibly happen happened; the crude realization that it was Jen and Tom. All over each other. Her glue-on dress was hiked up (as impossible as it is to imagine that it could go up any further) above her ass crack. She was wearing a black lacy thong, and she had her right leg hiked up to the side of his. Hello, Mega Slut. He had his hand cupped under her left butt cheek, and had the most disgusting look on his face. I couldn’t take any more. So I puked. It was the most revolting thing I’d ever experienced. I couldn’t stop throwing up. I was heaving over and over again, and surprisingly more and more food spurted out in projectile spurts.
“Ewwww what the fug man? That’s fuggin’ disgusting” her squeaky ass voice slurred from behind the stall. The door swung right open, and there she was standing square in front of me while she pulled her elastic dress down to cover her hoo-hah. Tom was standing behind her with his hands protectively around her waist. He looked wasted. His eyes were all weird and cross-eyed, with a red face and his hair was all messed up. Of course. As she turned to look up, she nearly jumped and screamed when she realized who she was looking at.
“Sorry for the mess whore. I thought I’d fix you guys up a snack. You seemed pretty hungry since you were eating each other’s faces”
“Oh… oh I’m… this … this is not what…--“
“Ya I know how it goes! This is not what it looks like right?”
Tom just stared at me in awe, and froze in his tracks. Talk about awkward. I wanted to rip his dick off and shove it in Jen’s eye.
“I…I… had too much to drink… and so did Tom… we….”
“Ya I know what you two did. Don’t even bother Jen. Oh, and I expect you to take your fucking shit out of MY apartment and be out by tomorrow. I’m sure Tom will help you out with a place to stay since he clearly doesn’t mind sharing small spaces with you!”
“Look Jaz, you’re upset right now and I get it, I’m so sorry but—“
“Shut the fuck up Tom!” I yelled from the top of my lungs. A guy came out of a stall and bolted out of door. I must have looked a lot more intimidating than I gave myself credit for. Had I morphed into a werewolf or something? I felt my blood bubbling from the pit of stomach to my face. There was nothing I wanted to do more than to rip off Jen’s leg and beat her with it, and then him. I resisted the urge, and twirled on my heel, and without another word I stomped out of their lives.