The Coven (A Half-Blood Novel)

YAL review:
This book is worth reading. And I like the way you described the characters, they're deep and strong. You have a good sentence structure, not the boring subject-for-each-beginning one.
But what I think you missed is the setting. You have just enough description to picture a rough imagination of the setting. I know a first-person perspective doesn't have to draw so much detail on the environment, but I, as a reader, would love to hear more about the setting where one dramatic scene is being held.
Now for the pitch, I'm personally fascinated by your pitch. It gives the readers a clear preview of what the story tells.

There's one more advice from me. I love the dreams, and it seems so creepy, but I recommend you using some dramatic and poetical sentence to describe the scene you think is rushing one's adrenaline. And in this case, environment description plays a big role. To mend the paragraph that says: 'I was in a room...', I'd prefer this one (not the best example :) :
In my dreams, I was in a strange spectral room. And there was a nip in the air I felt wrong about it. My senses and feelings seemed to fade, I didn't shiver to the sigh of the chill air. I saw cadavers and shimmering red blood all over the room and my torso when I peered about. Wane, my vision was so dim like a weakening light. I fell deeper in my dreams, I seemed to be marooned. It was an otherworldly room, like a fictional slaughterhouse. Only here I was the butcher. Within the deafening silence I heard a slight laughter, an atrocious laughter. It's getting louder and louder. It came out of nowhere yet everywhere. There, my dreams would end and I would wake drenching with sweat.
-Don't use much conversational words like: however, well etc. to draw a ghostly scene.

That's all from me. Overall, I like your book.
Thank you

Faruq Chevalier,
Flawless Ritual
http://authonomy.com/books/45226/flawless-ritual/

Matti-This is really good. I like the creepy way you describe the parents. Maybe it's just me, but he sounded chipper, they both looked young, pancakes for breakfast like it was the norm, insistence about him going to this university, etc. Then the mysterious package, the dreams, etc. Your lead up is instantaneous and had me guessing 'what happens next?' Great job and highly recommended. Also, you hint that his parents back story is a bunch of bull-great touch. You could only do all of this through first person perspective.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and Last Degree

The amazing plot and uniform of this book kept me interested from beginning to end. The story and imagery sparks an ethereal existence that is not normally conjured if ever I read stories about vampires; which leads me to declaring that this is by far the best novel I've ever read on the scenario. Detail in this novel is vital, which the author offers to the readers, but is not mind-numbing nor insignificant to the plot. It's at a pace that anyone, in my opinion, can comprehend yet is is still sharp and vivid; and captivates the minds of all who wish to explore the vampire scene. ~ You've got a lot of potential Mr. Snook. I expect a great expansion of your work! Best wishes!!!

~Stevie Stonewell

I am loving what I have read so far of this book. I enjoy the details that are described and the picture is forming in front of my eyes. This is a great story and has a lot of potential.

Josh

you know that I have always told you how talented you are. Your an amazing writer with more to come in the future. I don't read alot of authors so when I do find one that I like I want to read and read from them. I can't wait to see what comes next and what lies ahead. You have captivated my thoughts of wanting to read more. I love you to death and you mean the world to me. Best wishes to a bright future

Tina

I have started reading this – I have added it on my WL to continue to work my way through all the books I have been recommended.
Keep up the great work!

IHCGR - The Coven (A Half-Blood Novel)

Hi Matti, I see you're working on several books and I applaud your enthusiasm and hard work! Bravo!

I like your book cover & description and think the cover alone will stop most horror readers to take a closer look. Right away you grab the reader's attention with a great first sentence!

I see you're in the process of editing so the following may be irrelevant. A few of my thoughts however for what they're worth…

"had sort of" "almost" "kind of" & "had" were used too often. I'm not saying don't use them but as the saying goes 'sometimes less is more'. After a while I didn't feel you were confident in your writing as a result of the "iffy" words/phrases. (That's just one person's opinion however)

Limit unnecessary adverbs... (I'm working on this too) ... (slowly, quickly, loudly, etc.) (Creative Writing Tips on Adverbs https://sites.google.com/site/novelwritingsite/adverbs-in-prose-fiction)

Omit extra words to tighten sentences.

Trust the reader to know some of the smaller details... i.e. I reached down and ran my hand across my stomach (I don't think you need "reached down"

A great visual here … one of those black and white movies where the only color you could see was red. Nice!

I've read all you have uploaded. With some editing, I think you can make this an enticing story for many horror fans. Best of Luck! Lots of Stars!

Jane Lawry
The Genealogists: On Holy Ground
http://authonomy.com/books/44825/the-genealogists-on-holy-ground/

IHCGR
A well writen piece that draws the reader in with just enough info to make you want to find out more. Well described characters and plot. More fantasy than horror in my view but with all the ingredients to make this a truly trmendous read.
Christian

This is an Immortal Horror Critique Group (IHCG) review:

I like the premise, the mystery involving the school and Adam himself is interesting, and everything was quite easy to read. I think you started off quite strong, as the line “I never imagined how it would feel to kill somebody” really grabbed my attention.

In terms of constructive criticism, I do think the story could be a little tighter, and I might suggest trimming some of the unnecessary bits and cut back on some of the exposition early on. I would also be a little more vague in the first chapter about what exactly the recurring nightmare involves, as we then go on to visit it a couple times.

It also seemed a bit formal and cold to continually call the foster parents by their last name and the father by his title. It might have made Adam's farewell with them a bit more emotional for me if he didn't refer to them as though they were complete strangers.

I think you've got the makings of a very good story here, though. It can still use some tweaking, but I could say the same for all of the books on the site.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless

“The Coven” has the potential to be really creepy, though I can’t quite tell from only the five chapters uploaded so far. Adam’s about to be traumatized for life if he encounters vampires and their hunts with his fear of death. I like the legend of the school, a lot can be expanded on that. I think there might be too much detail of Adam’s trip on the plane to the university and around campus – we don’t need to know all of it. I think, from the vampire attack on Ryan, you can jump right into Adam arriving at the school and catching a glimpse of Shadow.

IHCG - Review.

First off i'd like to say what a great YA fantasy writer you are. I can tell that you have a great way with words and a really interesting plot developing.
I did make quite a few notes as i read through the 5 chapters for you. I hope that you dont mind, and please dont take them as anything but helpful criticism. These are just my opinions, so take them or leave them as you see fit.

Chapter 1: Had me hooked, good work. It was a little overkill with the descriptions of his room, his house, his cat etc, but i got a good feel for the writing.
Chapter 2: there was some word repetition- for example 'before' was used twice within the same sentence.

The dream sequence was good, but it could have been REALLY good! I think if you lengthen the paragraph and fill in with more emotions to put the reader into the scene. There was a line, i cant remember it right now but ive made a note of ' red was the only colour to be seen'.
I think you had two sentences essentially describing the same thing, when you could have put them into one to make it tighter. The reader already assumes that the red is blood, so you dont need to put that into the sentence as it pulls the reader out of the dream sequence.
I felt myself spacing out(remove-quite) often. (words like quite, kind of, i think, are passive words and again pull the reader out of the story)
To see if there was any blood on my finger- the reader already knows hes looking at his finger as you told us in the sentence before this one, so you can remove that, also, wasnt the scratch on his stomach?

Havent even heard (of- not from) them - wrong word
After reading the note, i felt he would be more in shock, more worried, scared even. I got the feeling he wasnt really that concerned which, heck if i got a note talking about my death i would be!

chapter 4

A car sped by, splashing through a puddle - would sound better.
he ignored it, figuring it was another rat or a cat - remove 'or something- sounds passive'

how was Ryan feeling? build up his fear and the tension more. The shadows loomed all around him mand he couldnt help his heart speeding up in response. Fear trickled down his spine... etc etc

It was difficult to explain- so- try: it was difficult for him to comprehend or understand. (he's not explaining anything, the reader is watching it.)
He mumbled hoarsely- (remove kind of- passive)
never (took) his eyes off Ryan (missing word)
He looked (in) my direction- (missing word)
chapter 5

you describe the blond girl twice in two different ways in the same paragraph. Try blending both sentences together to make one really strong description. or: it didnt take me long to notice a girl sitting with her back against a tree- then when he goes over to her he can describe her as she stands to meet him- she stood and i noticed how petite she was, her strawberry blonde hair tied up in a messy bun. As she stood next to me, i noticed that she didnt even come up to my chin. (or something like that, just switching around the sentence and mixing the sentences up makes it even stronger.

Near the end of this chapter i was really shocked that we didnt get more of a reaction from Adam, not only from the fact that as Shadow put it, 'he was practically famous' but the fact that they had heard of his parents'. Is it his adoptoive parents? his real parents? The reader would expect this to be the cliff hanger, the final blow to the weirdness of his day, and to find out how he feels about this new revelation, but it came across like he wasnt really bothered?
There was a couple of times throughout the chapters that the tense slipped from first to second and third which was destracting at times, but i know how hard it can be to keep the tense up all the way through. However it is something which you need to take a look at.

I hope that these comments are useful, i only point them out as i want to help and think that your on to something good with this story.

kind regards
Claire C Riley
Limerence

YAL Review:
This book is a definite read! I've only gotten through the first 3 chapters, but I'll be back to read some more! I love how you've not given us the truth about Edward University yet, or how we don't know why his parents were acting so strange. Looking at other comments, I have to agree with some people. My advice would be to improve the setting. You could give us so much more detail about the house and people's appearance and so on. It's probably something I could include in my own work as well, and so I understand that this has been left. Anyway, I love the story so far and am going to keep reading. I want to know more about this university. I think its the first time I've heard of a monster university. Monster schools have been done, but Monster university is new to me. It might not even be a monster university, this is just what I've gathered so far. I could be wrong! Anway, I wish you the very best with this and would definitely recommend it!
- Josh Hodge
Legend of Xerio

Creepy! As it should be. Your writing is well put together, and you build the set up nicely. You're very comfortable with the narrative style, which works well, although I do like more dialog when possible. It's all clean and polished. Best of luck with this!
If you have any interest in reading some children's literature, please do come visit the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Hi Matti, just read the first chapter of your book and have some feedback to offer. Hope it proves useful.

I never imagined how it would feel to kill somebody. Great opening line, draws the reader in straight away.

"I’ve never heard of the school before," Dr. Foster had said [very] enthusiastically. I don’t think you need the bracketed word. “enthusiastically” says it all.

He always sounded so chipper and full of energy. Even though he was in his late fifties, he looked [very] young.
The only thing giving away his age was his [very] prominent salt and pepper hair…
"See, they even have a [very] good mathematician program…."
He was flipping through the [very] thick pamphlet… You’ve used the word “Very” 5 times in quick succession and the repetition doesn’t work. You also don’t really need it, the sentences work better without it.

"Don’t be ridiculous, Adam," Mrs. Foster said. "It will be good for you to [see] something besides Boston. There is so much more out there for you to [see.] Besides, we will come up to [see] you whenever we can." You have the word “see” 3 times in this paragraph. I suggest restructuring along the lines of: …”It will do you good to get out of Boston. There’s a whole wide world out there. Besides, we will come up to see you… Something along those lines.

[And then I go to bed thinking…] You’ve changed tenses here, should be: And then I’d go to bed…]

Well, I couldn’t be [for] certain… You don’t need the bracketed word, just: Well I couldn’t be certain…

[I always dreaded the moment when my eyes would close and I would uncontrollably drift…] To avoid the repetition of the word “would”, suggest: I always dreaded the moment when my eyes closed and I drifted uncontrollably off to sleep…

THE COVEN
This is a story with an ominous tone to it right from the start. First the title, then the mysterious letter, then the dream . . . then the odd package . . . lets a reader know from the beginning strange things are going to happen here. I was surprised Adam calls his parents Dr. and Mrs. Foster; I know they’re not his real parents but it’s very strange for even an adopted child to use such formal names. It’s a clue he’s not a usual adopted child and they know more than they’re saying about how he came to be their adopted child. A good read, I’m starring this and adding it

Matti,

- First Page -
"That I took away their future. Their existence. -break- Nor had I ever imagined that my very existence.." I feel like you should change one of those existences. They're just too close. I could maybe understand if you're trying to push the word, but it doesn't read that way - to me, anyway.

"Who would have known I was the center of a horror story." - replace the period with a question mark.

"Apparently the situation of knowing wasn't mutual." Well, it's obviously not mutual because he didn't know. I would think ignorance is the word you're looking for. Because you already say he didn't know, you'd be referring to his knowledge of the situation, which is lacked, when saying it's not mutual.

From, "It very well could have been," to "to multiply as the days went on," I feel is a little...wordy for what you're trying to say. I'd say something like, "It very well could have been included in the massive pile of applications Dr. Foster had forced me to fill out. I didn't really understand what he was thinking when handing me them. Harvard? Yale? They were the first two colleges at the top of his list. Did he really think I could get into them? I didn't. After reading the names of two such highly acclaimed colleges, I simply disregarded the names of the rest and continued filling out the papers." Something along those lines.

"So when I opened the manila envelope from Edward University, Canada. That was it." should be one sentence. Except now that I look at it, I think you could reword it something like, "So when I opened the manila envelope from Edward University, Canada, I assumed it would hold the same formal denial that the rest had. I grew curious, though, as I read the label once more. Edward University, Canada. That was it. There was no street address or zip code to follow. It was strange. But what was even stranger were the words that were outlined on that very first page. I am happy to...." there ya go. Just my take, though.

After Dr. Foster says, "I've never heard of the school before," I think you should mention some thought from Adam being curious. After all, that would have thrown his theory of it being in the pile out the window.

"I wasn't exactly the 'conceded' type." should be 'conceited.'

Okay, so it must seem like I'm nit-picking - sorry! But your story is actually really good and easy to follow. I loved the way you seem to transition well between thoughts and actions. Adam is a very likeable MC, so far. Just your average, nineteen-year-old boy wanting to please his adopted parents. I like it. I want to get into more, but don't have the time just yet. I'll keep it on my WL and come back, for sure.

Thanks for the good read!

YAL review:
This book is worth reading. And I like the way you described the characters, they're deep and strong. You have a good sentence structure, not the boring subject-for-each-beginning one.
But what I think you missed is the setting. You have just enough description to picture a rough imagination of the setting. I know a first-person perspective doesn't have to draw so much detail on the environment, but I, as a reader, would love to hear more about the setting where one dramatic scene is being held.
Now for the pitch, I'm personally fascinated by your pitch. It gives the readers a clear preview of what the story tells.

There's one more advice from me. I love the dreams, and it seems so creepy, but I recommend you using some dramatic and poetical sentence to describe the scene you think is rushing one's adrenaline. And in this case, environment description plays a big role. To mend the paragraph that says: 'I was in a room...', I'd prefer this one (not the best example :) :
In my dreams, I was in a strange spectral room. And there was a nip in the air I felt wrong about it. My senses and feelings seemed to fade, I didn't shiver to the sigh of the chill air. I saw cadavers and shimmering red blood all over the room and my torso when I peered about. Wane, my vision was so dim like a weakening light. I fell deeper in my dreams, I seemed to be marooned. It was an otherworldly room, like a fictional slaughterhouse. Only here I was the butcher. Within the deafening silence I heard a slight laughter, an atrocious laughter. It's getting louder and louder. It came out of nowhere yet everywhere. There, my dreams would end and I would wake drenching with sweat.
-Don't use much conversational words like: however, well etc. to draw a ghostly scene.

That's all from me. Overall, I like your book.
Thank you

Faruq Chevalier,
Flawless Ritual
http://authonomy.com/books/45226/flawless-ritual/

Matti,
You have a fun writting style that keeps the reader
Interested. I loved the opening sentence. It drew me
right in. One small note: be careful with word choices.
I saw you used "conceded" where I think you meant
"conceited".
Otherwize, great writting.
High stars and best wishes.

Morgan H

Hi Matti,
here for our reading swap.
I really like this. I wasn't entirely sure I would, as it's not really my genre, but I always approach things with an open mind and I was very pleasantly surprised!
It whips along nicely (though I think he takes a tad to long to end up at the University - we know it's coming so there's no need to make us wait so long!) and it has a fresh, youthful style which was charming and easy to identify with. Adam is very likeable with an authentic voice and the strange dreams add a real atmosphere of intrigue and mystery early on. We get the sense that this is an unreal story happening to someone very real. A bit H.G. Wells, if you know what I mean!
Well done. 6 stars from me for now!
All the best,
Sharda.
Would love your thoughts on mine...
http://www.authonomy.com/books/42835/mr-unusually-s-circus-of-dreams/

This is a wonderful book, dark, edgy, mysterious. Two thumbs up, Matti. This is a great read!


C.G. Hall

Hi Matti,

Your new book cover drew me in and I couldn't resist taking a look! I liked this a lot more than I thought I would (I'm not really a big fan of vampire novels). The reason I liked it a lot so far is probably because of your MC, Adam. I found him extremely relateble and believable. His relationship with his adoptive parents, his acceptance letter from that University and the way he reacted... I think the audience you're aiming at can easily make connections to their own lives.

The dream scene got me wondering if he was actually dreaming in the first place. It made me want to keep on reading to find out. I've only read up to halfway of chapter 2. I wasn't paying much attention to any awkward sentences but I did find one small typo... "I found myself, once again, standing in the middle the room." ---Should be "middle of the room."

Highly starred and best of luck!

Hi Matti,

I fully intend on reading a couple more chapters at least but as I had a spare five minutes I've just read your first chapter so far.

The intro I feel is particularly strong and gives us an indication of where this is ultimately heading. By giving us that initial hit you can then settle into the chapter and cover the receipt of the acceptance letter without worrying that the reader will not be hooked enough to read on.

The chapter then progresses steadily until we reach the dream which again reminds us of the direction in which you are going to take this once you really get into your stride and I think it works well how the chapter ends in a similar tone to how it starts.

Just a couple of small nitpicks; I find it hard to buy into the pain he feels about losing his patents when he lost them so young. Personally I think it must be hard to miss what you've never had and although I could be wrong about this I did feel that his feelings about his patents were a touch over done. Secondly you use the word conceded where I think you mean conceited and finally the sentance where you use "like for instance...like 3 o'clock" reads a bit weak compared to the strength of the rest of your writing. Only minor things admittedly but it's important to get your first chapter as perfect as possible as you only get that one chance to make a first impression.

As I say, I'll be back for more, as I think it only fair to read further than just chapter 1, but time's run out for me tonight.

James

This book reminded me of Twilight. One of my favourites

Hi Matti, I'm 5 chapters in and just wanted to say I am really enjoying the read and have added you to my bookshelf. Just one small criticism I have, and the only reason I picked up on it is because it is one of my own bad habits when I'm writing. It is your use of 'had'. You use it a lot, and to be honest its not really necessary, its something I have become conscious of and make a point of looking out for it when I am editing. Just a small thing really, just think if you were to revise it and tighten up it would really improve the flow. Aside from that, I love your descriptions, really good imagery and great breadcrumbs in the plot to keep the reader wanting to read on. The Fosters kinda freak me out a bit, something not quite right there, I am sure more intrigue and adventure to follow, looking forward to reading more.
Sara

Hi Matti, I'm 5 chapters in and just wanted to say I am really enjoying the read and have added you to my bookshelf. Just one small criticism I have, and the only reason I picked up on it is because it is one of my own bad habits when I'm writing. It is your use of 'had'. You use it a lot, and to be honest its not really necessary, its something I have become conscious of and make a point of looking out for it when I am editing. Just a small thing really, just think if you were to revise it and tighten up it would really improve the flow. Aside from that, I love your descriptions, really good imagery and great breadcrumbs in the plot to keep the reader wanting to read on. The Fosters kinda freak me out a bit, something not quite right there, I am sure more intrigue and adventure to follow, looking forward to reading more.
Sara

Hi Matti, I'm 5 chapters in and just wanted to say I am really enjoying the read and have added you to my bookshelf. Just one small criticism I have, and the only reason I picked up on it is because it is one of my own bad habits when I'm writing. It is your use of 'had'. You use it a lot, and to be honest its not really necessary, its something I have become conscious of and make a point of looking out for it when I am editing. Just a small thing really, just think if you were to revise it and tighten up it would really improve the flow. Aside from that, I love your descriptions, really good imagery and great breadcrumbs in the plot to keep the reader wanting to read on. The Fosters kinda freak me out a bit, something not quite right there, I am sure more intrigue and adventure to follow, looking forward to reading more.
Sara

*soooo sorry about the delay.

what a great first line you got. the second i read it i was ready to read your stuff. and by your writing a line like that I knew you were a great writer and I was going to enjoy the read.

You sure know how to draw a reader in. Just the idea that your MC didn’t even send in an application but still got a full ride to school was just simply amazing. I think that passage was actually stronger than the first line. I was right: I am going to enjoy this and your writing. oh but then I find out that he could have filled out the application without even knowing it. But hey it was still a good hook.

reading the acceptance line many times put a smile on my face. I do that, too. so that just made me like the MC more.

like the idea that you make the reader try to guess if the school chose him or the other way around.

Great ending to the chapter. The dream of all the bloody bodies lying around him and he was the murderer. I loved all of this. 6 stars and you have just been put on my future list of books to be put on my shelf.


‘own kid’ you say this back to back on the ‘Dr foster had insisted’ paragraph. repetitive. just say ‘own’ the second time around

Hi Matti,

I love your cover, and I’m always up for a good dark fantasy novel.

Here were some findings:

From what I’ve heard (I’m no expert), publishers can’t stand over use of ellipses. Just something to consider. Also, I’m not a fan of asking direct questions to the reader in pitches. I prefer leading the reader to those questions with active verbs. That might just be me, though.

Love the first line of your LP. Good hook.

Small suggestion: maybe change “doesn’t help any” to “doesn’t help his stress”

First line, second paragraph. I think it would be more impactful if you condense it to, “He soon discovers that the university holds a dangerous secret that will link him to a past he’s never known.”

How does he know everyone knows the answers to his questions if they’re not telling him? This is confusing.

Chapter one

Again, great first line. I think it’d be more appropriate to combine the first and second paragraphs.

Eliminate excessive “that’s” (i.e., “To know I took away everything they had” works better, and “That I took away their future” reads better as “I took away their future and existence.”

That said, much of that second paragraph can be condensed. Drawing it out doesn’t improve the drama.

Some of the fragmented sentences can be combined for better flow.

Replace the exclamation mark with a period. Exclamation marks tend to be overused and are regarded as hackneyed. Just my humblest opinion.

Ditto for overuse of semicolons.

Great dialogue, and you have a wonderful sense of descriptive prose to transition between the dialogue. I think that’s your strength. The only thing I’d suggest is really focusing on scrubbing the wordiness of the prose, especially early on. Drawing things out doesn’t improve the impact. In fact, it weakens it.

Good luck with this! I enjoyed the read.

Phil

Matti - I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this. Firstly, you have a very natural writing style, and I found it effortless to read. Nothing jarred or pulled me out of the story. Secondly, there is a lot of intrigue in the opening chapters. The parents are creepy, and there conversation about getting older was rather odd. The package and insitence of him going to this university is again, interesting. I can't wait to read on and find out what's going to happen.

The first line packs a good punch. In fact, the first few paragraphs create immediate intrigue. I like your use of fragments in the second paragraph. It establishes a clear, effective voice.

Once we get into Adam's story you continue with a strong, relatable voice. It's nice to see a young adult novel with a male protagonist. The experts say there isn't a readership for this type of novel, but as a teacher, I know they're wrong. With the vampire craze sweeping the world, this is a marketable concept, and the fact that it's male protagonist makes it unique, too.

There's a nice subtle humor to this (i.e. "I am sorry but your acceptance to (insert college name here) has been regretfully denied.") I think there are a few more opportunities for his voice to shine through, so be on the lookout.

This is extremely well edited. It was nice to enjoy my reading of this without having to stop and jot down notes every few sentences.

I like the hook at the end of the first chapter (the second chapter has an even better hook!). His fear of sleeping and the reference to the dream had me quickly turning to chapter two.

The first chapter didn't do much to really grab my attention, but the second chapter and the mysterious paper served as a huge attention-getter. I wonder if we could get to this sooner? There's a lot of background info in the opening chapter. Maybe you could trim it? Just a thought.

Suggestions: I'd reword to "Edward University could very well have been in the stack..." You use "very" a few too many times too closely together. While it's a "very" teenager kind of word, I'd spread it out. In the paragraph, "I laughed. I couldn't help..." reword to avoid so many usages of "think." On occasion. you fall into one of the biggest traps with writing in first person. Careful with how many sentences and paragraphs you begin with "I." When writing first person, it's one of those things you always need to be aware of.

Typos: You have a fragment that doesn't work for me in, "So when I opened the manila envelope addressed from Edward University, Canada." You never finish the thought. When you aren't referencing someone speaking, you need to use a period in the following scenario, "You don't have to do that." I rolled my eyes...

While the market for vampire books is crowded, I think The Coven sets itself apart with the male protagonist and the unique voice. This is a solid beginning!

Matti-This is really good. I like the creepy way you describe the parents. Maybe it's just me, but he sounded chipper, they both looked young, pancakes for breakfast like it was the norm, insistence about him going to this university, etc. Then the mysterious package, the dreams, etc. Your lead up is instantaneous and had me guessing 'what happens next?' Great job and highly recommended. Also, you hint that his parents back story is a bunch of bull-great touch. You could only do all of this through first person perspective.
Dina of Halo of the Damned and Last Degree

great book

It's a must have. If it's not apart of your book collection, you better get it...FAST.
I read this book within 2 days and gave it as a gift to one of my dearest friends and she loves it.
Tasha

Hello!:)
First off, I love vampire books so when I saw this I just had to start reading it!
This would be good for YA market, though you mustn't forget to show and not tell. The voice of your mc is really strong which is great- hard to find such strong voices nowadays in books- and the writing is really good! There's just one problem... if you are aiming this book at YA fiction market I'd be careful. I'm 18 so I'm roughly the age group for these books. The beginning has to be really something that captivates the youngters attention, if they see loads of paragraphs of narration most will just roll their eyes and stop reading, trust me... You don't have to start with a BANG, but try to start always with less narration.. even though you have to explain what's going on, it doesn't matter, you can do that later... you got to call their attention. Adults will start reading paragraph of narration, but 15 year olds? Unless we're talking about a book that is mega famous like "Twilight" which you could write anything and people would still read it... you got to give them something that makes them want to waste their time reading it! Yes... its complicated.... I know..xD
I hope my point is clear and I'm not confusing you here, the story is a great concept, there's nothing wrong with what I've read, but I do realise that many adults writing for youngters tend to forget that teenagers don't read the same way as grown-ups do.
If this isn't intended to be for yougnters, my apologies!:)
I really do hope I've helped in some way =D

The amazing plot and uniform of this book kept me interested from beginning to end. The story and imagery sparks an ethereal existence that is not normally conjured if ever I read stories about vampires; which leads me to declaring that this is by far the best novel I've ever read on the scenario. Detail in this novel is vital, which the author offers to the readers, but is not mind-numbing nor insignificant to the plot. It's at a pace that anyone, in my opinion, can comprehend yet is is still sharp and vivid; and captivates the minds of all who wish to explore the vampire scene. ~ You've got a lot of potential Mr. Snook. I expect a great expansion of your work! Best wishes!!!

~Stevie Stonewell

you know that I have always told you how talented you are. Your an amazing writer with more to come in the future. I don't read alot of authors so when I do find one that I like I want to read and read from them. I can't wait to see what comes next and what lies ahead. You have captivated my thoughts of wanting to read more. I love you to death and you mean the world to me. Best wishes to a bright future

Tina

I am loving what I have read so far of this book. I enjoy the details that are described and the picture is forming in front of my eyes. This is a great story and has a lot of potential.

Josh

There were lots of reasons for me to start reading this book - the title, the pitch, the plotline, the cover etc. I found all of those appealing. The first chapter opens nicely and compels me to read more ... I like the way you introduce the main character to us. Baby face, baby eyes, emo style - you paint a picture of how you see the MC in my mind.

And of course, the dream. I love dreams that make adrenaline pound in my veins - yours surely does, and I want for more. This book is worth reading and awarding a lot of stars!!!

Ivan
The Beholder

I've enjoyed what I've read of this book, it's right up there with other things I'm reading right now. I love the premise and the voice of your writing. It's unique and I love unique. I think you've given us a great new take on vampires, something that doesn't feel overdone, which is easy in this genre. It's been a pleasure to read a couple chapters of this. Given time and a better computer screen, I might have read more! Good luck with this, I think it's got a ton of potential in a very popular market.

Missy

Hi Matti, I enjoyed the read I had of your fine work. The POV was refreshing inasmuch as it drew you in and aligned you with the protagonist. The reader found that they were not only a fly on the wall but a sort of confidant, too. Nice.
The content is uber hip and the flow is buoyant and easy to follow along. Shelved and star rated. JupiterGirl (Twins of
The Astral Plane)

Moses ben-Maimon, the medieval philosopher said that to kill someone was to kill a whole world, because you are also killing the hundreds of thousands of descendants who will now never be born.


blueboy

Backed the Hybrid Saga: The Coven. Drawn in right away with the pitch. Love Vampire stories. First two chapters are great. Adam is headed for trouble that is for sure...the dreams, parents' deaths, murders in New York, and what's up with Dr. and Mrs. Foster. Reading further to solve the mysteries. I am recommending the book to CC Brown authors of Dark Side also a vampire tale with a twist. Hope you will check it out.
Kat 51

Hi,
I've only read two chapters so far but I had to stop to comment. This is a very professionally written MS and is shaping up to be a great tale and one that is definately up my street! (I love your favourite books list too). I shall certainly be reading more and consider it worthy of a spin on my shelf.
Good luck with your climb to the Ed.
Raquel
'Foxblood'