Book Jacket

 

rank 106
word count 51503
date submitted 06.03.2011
date updated 14.01.2013
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

Sunflower

Cass McMain

Can a Sunflower save a man's life? Ask Michael.

 

Michael is trying to become an artist, which is hard enough. It’s been made harder since his business partner left. It doesn’t help that his deliveries are always a hassle thanks to his stubborn neighbor. After a fight about this, neighbor Ted surprises Michael with a deal that will make his life easier. But there’s a catch: Michael has to wait for Ted to die.

He doesn’t have to wait long.

After Ted's death, Michael spirals into a dark pit of despair, tormented by a relentless sense of guilt. As the threads of his life unravel, the haunting shadow of his involvement in Ted’s death taints everything he holds dear. Each day brings a further disintegration of his once comfortable and productive life. His customers leave him. His girlfriend leaves him. He’s about ready to give up entirely.

When all seems lost, a new alliance unwittingly provides the key to salvation, and Michael discovers a few truths. One of them is that he doesn't have to become someone else in order to be a good man.

(Please note - Sunflower has found a publisher. At the publisher's request, I have removed a large portion of this book.)

 
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tags

albuquerque, artists, bosque, conscience, death, depression, despair, ditchbanks, easement, fences, friendship, guilt, hope, insomnia, lonliness, loss...

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158 comments

 

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turtlefly wrote 77 days ago

Congratulations on finding a publisher. I assume you're working with an editor and receiving the only feedback you need to pay attention to at the moment, so I won't contribute more. I just wanted to say that the story caught my eye. If I saw this book in a bookstore, I would definitely pick it up. For now, though, I'm going to take it off my bookshelf and give the space to someone who might benefit more.
Best of luck.
Rebecca

Seringapatam wrote 81 days ago

Cass, What happened to Toby below is exactly what happened to me. I got hooked to the book before I knew of anything else that was happening. A brilliant peice of writing in my eyes. Great use of words coupled with a nice flow throughout the book, a great quirky pace to it and a mix of it all the make the reader want to keep on reading. Ii think this will do so well, Good luck, I love it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Seringapatam wrote 81 days ago

Cass, What happened to Toby below is exactly what happened to me. I got hooked to the book before I knew of anything else that was happening. A brilliant peice of writing in my eyes. Great use of words coupled with a nice flow throughout the book, a great quirky pace to it and a mix of it all the make the reader want to keep on reading. Ii think this will do so well, Good luck, I love it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Seringapatam wrote 81 days ago

Cass, What happened to Toby below is exactly what happened to me. I got hooked to the book before I knew of anything else that was happening. A brilliant peice of writing in my eyes. Great use of words coupled with a nice flow throughout the book, a great quirky pace to it and a mix of it all the make the reader want to keep on reading. Ii think this will do so well, Good luck, I love it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Seringapatam wrote 81 days ago

Cass, What happened to Toby below is exactly what happened to me. I got hooked to the book before I knew of anything else that was happening. A brilliant peice of writing in my eyes. Great use of words coupled with a nice flow throughout the book, a great quirky pace to it and a mix of it all the make the reader want to keep on reading. Ii think this will do so well, Good luck, I love it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

TobyC wrote 160 days ago

Sunflower by Cass McMain

'. . .a painful daisy chain of thought. . .' - Vivid image

The hook at the end of chapter one is longer than most and grips the reader. What is it about a shirt, a boy, and a mother? Of course, it's time to read chapter 2.

Oops! I got caught up in reading and forgot to critique the book. No glaring errors.

A sheep with lightening hair and vampire teeth might be a great sculpture, but it is a great mental image.

Dialogue is balanced with action.

This earned shelf time.

Thoughts that might help with publication:
While it might be an upload issue, there is a difference in paragraph indents. Consider making all the same.

The first sentence of ch. 2 took two reads to understand that Michael is a sculptor.

When the connection to Alex is established, it feels like telling.

ladypreacher wrote 161 days ago

I've completed reading the first 9 chapters and will return to read more. So far I have found this to be quite engaging. Will put on my WL for now and go from there.

Audrey Semprun
The Back Track Conspiracies
Crooked Places Straight: Straight Talk about Hard Places

Juliet Blaxland wrote 169 days ago

Sunflower is a really appealing book. Beautifully written and gently funny, the people are completely believable and likeable. The subtle quirkiness and the strong sense of place add greatly to the story. I particularly like Michael's very sensible thoughts on sheep and fencing (having had sheep, I know he's right; they are much better seen from a distance), and I'm mad about the 'making realistic puppy portraits out of cake' idea. 'Find the Sun. Face it Always.' Wise words indeed. Lovely cover too.

ShirleyGrace wrote 224 days ago

Cass:
I just finished seven chapters of "Sunflower" I like your characters, especially Michael. They are well developed and I can see what is coming with Jess. Wondering what happened with Alex. MC seems very unsure of himself and unhappy. I liked "Roddy" a lot although he made me a little 'tired'. You give him much flair and were spot-on with that. Most people know a 'Roddy" and that's what makes him enjoyable. I love your description of the area surrounding Michael's property. . It reminds me very much of the area where my son lives. Enjoyed the read and starred W/L
Shirley Grace

Lenny Banks wrote 230 days ago

Hi Cass, I took a look at chapter 5. I liked the pitch, sometimes I wonder how people come up with the ideas that they do. The story was interesting and held me as I learned about the characters. I noted a few Nit Piks, I hope you don't mind: '...just was finished unloading some sheet metal...' I had to read this sentence a couple of times before I read it right, I wondered if you changed it to '... just finished unloading some sheet metal. nothing wrong with what you said, I just stalled as a I read it. I note you use '...ok...' and wondered if you have considered using '...okay...' I think it looks a little more professional? '...Frank thought Michael looked, espcially back then...' maybe just juggled around '... Back then, Frank thought Michael looked...' '...Tragedie...' should that be '...Tragedy...' ? I thought it might be a play on the word but I wasn't sure. Overal the flow was good, uyou have a handle on your characters and it's shaping up to be a good story. Well done and Good Luck.

Kind Regards
Lenny Banks - Tide And Time: At The Rock

Kirrily Whatman wrote 253 days ago

Hi Cass,
I've started Sunflower this morning (first three chapters so far) and want to read on. Alas, I have to pack for a trip! This has already easily piqued my interest. I find it very difficult to get "into" books, particularly fiction, but give most things a go. I was hooked from your first chapter. I really like that it is so believable, it seems to be setting a very good pace so far, and even though there isn't necessarily any big impacting scenes (yet) I am wanting to keep reading because I am already invested in each of the characters you have introduced so far with every new chapter. Very cleverly done!

I will comment again when I have read more, but already this has my high * rating.

Kirrily
(Into The Bliss: Having & Holding Ellanor)

Kirrily Whatman wrote 253 days ago

Hi Cass,
I've started Sunflower this morning (first three chapters so far) and want to read on. Alas, I have to pack for a trip! This has already easily piqued my interest. I find it very difficult to get "into" books, particularly fiction, but give most things a go. I was hooked from your first chapter. I really like that it is so believable, it seems to be setting a very good pace so far, and even though there isn't necessarily any big impacting scenes (yet) I am wanting to keep reading because I am already invested in each of the characters you have introduced so far with every new chapter. Very cleverly done!

I will comment again when I have read more, but already this has my high * rating.

Kirrily
(Into The Bliss: Having & Holding Ellanor)

Greenleaf wrote 260 days ago

Hi Cass,

I've read the first five chapters of Sunflower. This is really well-written. It's simple and graceful. It reminds me of a Nicholas Spark-style novel. I can sense that Katie and Michael will find each other, and I'm looking forward to seeing how their stories will unfold.

Susan/Greenleaf (Provenance/Chameleon)

RP55 wrote 260 days ago

This is a pleasure to read; it is good to read some literary fictiion on here which doesn't shout its originality at me but simply opens steadily and organically. Only a dozen chapters in so far but seriously enjoying this.

Jane Mauret wrote 263 days ago

Hello, Cass
I really enjoyed reading the first 3 chapters and is a book I would keep reading.
Great original phrasing, such as Stabbed with toothpicks ... made of ice
We empathise very readily with Katie by your use of a few well-honed words.
We are caught up in an intriguing mystery via Helen’s letter and Katie’s response/memories.
I thought the stuff about liking sheep was really funny.
All the characters seem to have some mystery about them. You have drawn them really well with enough detail to allow the reader to fill in bits themselves. I think this book is really professional. I did not feel I was reading an amateur's book at all (hope it's ok to use amateur). Best wishes.
Jane Mauret
UGLY IN PARADISE

Abby Vandiver wrote 286 days ago

How smart to have shorter chapters. Makes getting through more chapters easier. You have a good flow to your writing and you write well. Doesn't present any tension in the few chapters I read but it moves along holding the reader's interest. Good job.

ghostly wrote 286 days ago

Interesting! I know some Albuquerque artists and writers, so for that alone I'd read it but it turns out to be a good read.

arne wrote 289 days ago

Literary fiction reading list
Well, I must say that I like this story far. You have written this well. It grabbed my attention, and I read it through for the last 40 minutes now. I couldn't find any faults with your writting, and the story is good. I hope you find this story on the Editor's desk.
Arne Lash
"Pimps, Beggars, and Bones"

KMac23 wrote 304 days ago

Wow, I've been working on reading your book and got to chapter 17 so far. I think your attention to detail really stands out. I like how Michael's artistry also plays out in color on the pages as a theme throughout, such as the orange in the burned pie, deciding what to paint the masks with etc. Color and design seem to appear often in your dialogue and in your descriptions and it's fitting with Michael and his aspirations to succeed in his efforts to be an accomplished artist. The sheep portrayed as blind followers, cookie cutter animals and plastered all over the sheep shop is great symbolism of what art is not, and the fact that Michael despises it in their smell, their looks, and their actions speaks loudly. I'm liking your book so far and will star it highly, intending to read on! Best wishes to you! I think maybe I did find the kid with the other half of the pens! :)

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Maevesleibhin wrote 307 days ago

Cass,
I read the whole thing.
This feels very polished and completed to me, and I enjoyed reading it very much.
It is an enjoyable, light and easy book. Although it deals with serious topics, there is something very safe about it, and I think that makes it more relaxing.
To a great extent, this is a story of an artist coming of age. However, it is very understated. There is very little at stake, as Michael could always walk away and become a fence maker. On the negative side, this does make the book a bit less consequential. At the same time, there is something very endearing about him, and he is well developed, which lead me to want to see him through.
I think that you also do a very good job with the description of the train wreck that is Michael. There is something very gripping about watching a man destroy his own life. I found that this was one of the most consistent hooks that ultimately made me read to the end. I wanted to see just how bad his life would get and how he would rescue himself.
Hook and Plot- When I first started reading this I thought I would not like it because, again, the premise is not very consequential. It is a very reluctant artist dealing with the possibility of coming into his own. You could have just as easily gone the other way and wrote a book about how Michael decides not be try to be something that he is not, how he finds happiness in being a fence maker. However, I was hooked by his character, by New Mexico, by Ted and his silly fence. This is to say that the hook is very subtle. However, the book does not pretend to be something that it is not. It hooks well for the kind of book it is.
The plot I found surprisingly engaging. Again, there was an impending feeling of doom as Michael starts falling apart and an almost voyeuristic desire to see what will happen. Eventually he loses almost everything, and then you have his redemption with his new neighbors.
The one thing that i will say is that sometimes I found that there was a lot of unnecessary detail, for example, about the food that was being prepared by Michael of Jess. This is not a big deal, and to some extent it helps show his degradation. You also have a lot of detail in the work in his shop sometimes, but that I mind much less because it is really part of the process of his growth as an artist.
Character Development- I think that Michael is very well developed. He is insecure and vulnerable, and this is what makes his story interesting as the coming of age of an artist.
Jess is well developed too, and in a sense I felt sad when she was thrown out. I admired the fact that you never made her the villain. She loved Michael and she tried, and it is even possible that if she had shown up after he had his breakdown she would have been there for him. It is just that she could not stand to see his deterioration (and yes, she is a bit vain.)
I also felt that Ted was a good, strong character, as was Katie, although less so. I think I would have wanted you to go a bit further into the story of her and the burn victim, but it is a hard call to make, as too much of that could take attention away from the story.
Ambiance- I love New Mexico, and I can never get too much ambiance. I thought that you could have taken a few moments from time to time to describe the sun shining on the Sangre de Cristo mountains and the view of the desert valley as you drive down from Santa Fe. This is a small point and easily fixed. On the other hand, I thought that your description of the small places, including the restaurants and Michael's house was quite effective.
All in all, a fun read, which I star highly.
Best of luck with it,
Maeve

fictionguy wrote 310 days ago

I read two chapters of Sunflower. First off, it a novel for women, but women are the ones reading books today. Men have stopped reading books, so you are in the right place. In order to test my prose, I usually read it out loud and if it sounds like Charleston Heston or Gregory Peck reading it, I am okay.. However, if it sounds lie Owen Wilson or Will Farrel reading, I know it needs more work, For your book, you should imagine Bechensale or Knightly reading it or someone else who has a good voice.
Your narrative is good and so are your images. Loved "People who say they like sheep really only like pictures of sheep." I did have a pet lamb and wrote my first book on her, Delilah, I'll have to come back and read more to find out where you are going, but for now, I'm giving you five stars and backing it.

rikasworld wrote 316 days ago

Read up to ch. 8 and really enjoyed the read. It's very well written and I wouldn't change a word as far as grammar and the way you express things go. You created a realistic background and realistic characters. I like Micheal and his fences and his artistry. Like also the artistic details like the flourescents dimming the patterns he has created. Katie seems to have vanished but Jess has appeared! I enjoyed the touches of humour like Ted's 'people who claim to be artists are often full of shit'. Us writers too? Maybe ultimately you should shorten the book in places but I don't know, I tend to write things too short, so it's not for me to say.
I've been meaning to read this for ages and I'm glad I have finally got here. Sorry this isn't much of a crit. but there is not really anything for me to nit pick about.

grouserock wrote 318 days ago

Now that I've finished the last chapter of your book I realize I haven't written down many comments or suggestions for you while I was reading, I was that engrossed. Sorry. But I must say that your writing is rather flawless. Mistakes were hard to find and I did enjoy this story sooooo much.
I visited Albuquerque this past March for the first time and toured Old Town and battled the bridge traffic and saw the trees and geese and felt the wind so I loved the way you made it all feel alive again. I think I miss Michael now that I’ve finished the story. Roddy is perfectly smilable in every phrase and the way you colored Ted made me like the unlikable old guy. All your characters felt very real – this is the strength of this story and your writing I think. By the time Michael saw the Ojo in his tragedy mask I was close to tears, cheering for him. I can picture reading this book aloud on a summer’s day, pausing with those listening to examine the universal truths your characters have managed to teach us.
I do think you’re telling us too much in your long pitch though – giving away the story more than you should maybe? And in places I had to back up and re-read when I got mixed up with POV characters, switching too closely from Michael to Jess and back again. (Chap 7 was one spot like this I think)
Also, at the beginning of the story and even into the middle parts I kept wondering why you were going on about certain details. There were places where I thought your over describing of small things was keeping the plot from moving along (for example, when Michael had to go over every part of his plan about how to paint and connect and transport the sections of the fence for Roddy) I kept expecting that the things you elaborated about would later be important in some way; that Ted’s lemonade pitcher or the meatloaf or the disposable paint gun cups or some other cluster of everydayness details would add to some completed puzzle that I would need to pay close attention to. (I wondered if Michael’s obsession with Alex shadowed something more we’d find out about later for instance)But at the end of the story I felt good about the way you painted such a rich ‘slice of life’ and thought perhaps your characters probably came to life better than mine ever do because of your details. (And one boring detail for me – the history of the land and how Hunt had subdivided it DID actually become rather important when Michael learns at last about the easement.)
I liked your main character too much to get attached to Jess, or to even think you should have made your first chapter about Katie (who is a mystery person until Chapter 59) But the interaction between Michael and Jess is perfect. (dialogue in Chapter 16 is great) and the first chapter is a great draw into the story so… not sure how I would change anything. In fact – don’t. I love this book.

Jennwith2ns wrote 325 days ago

I love the narrative voice--beautifully written. I also like the short chapters because it helps this slow reader feel like she's reading quickly. The only thing I noticed about half a dozen chapters in, is that I still didn't feel like I had a handle on the plot--which is maybe fine after six pages, but kind of feels like it's taking forever after six chapters (even if they're the same thing). It's probably psychological, but still, the impression was strong enough that I felt I should note it. I'm keeping it on my watchlist to return to later, however.

scargirl wrote 339 days ago

good story telling but overtold. narratives make the movement of the story drag. the long pitch is vague and then overtelling, too. i get the idea and you are on the path to hitting your mark. just need to iron out the movement. too little info here and too much info there....
j
what every woman should know

LM Fowler wrote 351 days ago

A very good, true-to-life story but I must admit though I did tend to get a bit bogged down in some of the back story. One of the main critiques of my writing is I have a tendency to tell instead of show. I found this to be similar for some of your narratives, particularly in ch 7. Still, I love the sincere nature of your writing style. You have a gift for real-life story telling, making it real, which is something not easily accomplished.

Well done, highly stared.
Linda

LM Fowler wrote 356 days ago

This book has truly amazed me. Very engaging from a reader's perspective as your characters are developed and built early. You have created normal everyday characters in normal everyday situations we can all relate to.

I have only found time to read the first six chapters so far but remains on my WL to finish and comment in detail later. I just wanted to say, so far, well done.
Highly stared,
Linda
Threads of Time

Cariad wrote 357 days ago

I came after seeing a recommendation on the forum and I agree with the poster. This unexpectedly took along several chapters when I'd only meant to pop in for a quick look. I liked the start - slow? all about sheep - no! somehow instantly engaging and involving, with a different, expectant feel about it. It looks like a long read, and I may not make all of it, but I am going to carry on. Starred and watchlisted for now, shelving later, after my queue is up.
Cariad.

Trace Elner wrote 360 days ago

I've just read the first few chapters and must have Sunflower on the bookshelf - A long week's break coming up to get stuck into this long novel. Looking forward to it.

DSA wrote 365 days ago

I'm impressed by your opening lines. You are obviously not a novice. You've good story-telling voice, one of the best on here. The text could do with pruning in certain areas but the first chapter reads well.

Karamak wrote 365 days ago

How do we deal with loss? There is no manual to help heal the soul. This is a beautifully written portrayal of living with grief and the road to recovery (do we ever fully recover?) As a bereaved mother I know this heartbreaking pain and you have captured the emotions in a way that is real and not over the top, simply, its sincere. Highly stared an amazing read. Karen. Faking it in France.

outofprintwriter wrote 366 days ago

Hi Cass
You write beautifully. I have just read your about the author page and I can relate to not ever wanting to show your work to anyone. I also suffer from this! It's far easier to have faceless strangers reading your book - that you will never have to meet! I feel like showing my work to someone I know, is like letting them look through the window to my soul!
Anyway, back to your book which I have thoroughly enjoyed reading. I also like the cover. Did you do this yourself?
You have written a fabulous first chapter that captivates the reader straight away. There are a number of 'hooks' in there that made me want to find out more. You have created an interesting character here with an interesting history that readers are going to be keen to find out about.
Then we meet Michael. I loved his attempt at an artpiece that was called too tame by a lady surrounded by ordinary sheep things! This is the kind of thing that will stick in a reader's mind! I also enjoyed the simplicity of the story, the driver delivering things and telling Michael that he should be able to use the driveway as if he didn't know it already. People can relate to scenarios like this. And you are setting up the story well for what, I guess, is about to happen with Ted.
I was glad we got to spend some time with Ted and his quirks before you got to kill him off. You have written about each of your characters well and I think when reading a book like this, that I would next time like to write a book in the 3rd person, as you really do have a lot more space to move around don't you!! Also, you wrote Jess's story in a tone that suited her perfectly; anxious and intolerant.
My only criticisms would be that some of the back stories seem a little bit unnatural - like Alex and Michael's business and how Michael met Jess. With some work, I think that you could easily integrate these into the story in a more natural way.
I'm sorry - I have had to rush my writing here a little, as I have a kid to pick up from kinder like now! But congratulations again on such an accomplished piece of work. I hope I have made some sort of sense!


RobRow wrote 367 days ago

I absolutely love this book. I read all of it with pleasure. It's a simple story of real people living out their lives, dealing with grief and loss, and, ultimately, finding meaning in the simple pleasures of existence. And yet the novel is so much more than this. Written in straighforward prose that never calls undue attention to itself the book hints at universal truths: a tragic death mask that once haunted the main character, Michael, miraculously becomes an Ojo (the Eye of God). A young woman, Katie, who is wise beyond her years, helps Michael make the transistion from a man defeated by harsh reality to one triumphant in the face of it. Sunflower is a study of character, and all the seemingly disparate elements are brought together in a highly successful conclusion: a man spiraling into despair finds salvation in a woman whose simple good nature carries the promise of future happiness for them both.

Bea Sinclair wrote 369 days ago

A well written, well observed human story which flows at an ideal pace and reveals the flaws and frailties of its characters as it unfolds. High stars and backed. Good luck on your way to the ED. Yours Bea

Pandora11 wrote 374 days ago

Hi Cass,
I've just stopped reading after chapter 15 and i'm wondering what happened to Katie? I felt like the first chapter was one story and the rest is Michael's. I think by the time she reappears i won't remember anything about her. Maybe there could be a place where you could reintroduced us to Katie since it seems like it'll be a long while before we meet her again?

I kind of wanted to know more about Ted, it's a shame he didn't stick around for long. I really liked the way you used his coffee cup cleaning(of lack of) habits to give us an idea of how alone in the world he was, it was fairly subtle and sad but got the point across.

I liked the way were were given observations and thoughts from the various charaters, opening up their minds so we could get ta hint of their personalities, i alos like the difference in each individual but found it hard to keep track of each of them. I enjoyed the way you showed the workings of daily life without being too monotonous... the pace, the value of things, it reminded me of a war poem i once read.
Interesting read :)
Thanks,

Terry

L_MC wrote 375 days ago

Cass, the bittersweet, simplicity of your cover has caught my attention so many times and finally got round to reading some chapters today.

The length of the chapters is perfect, especially for reading online. It was so easy to think, just one more, then another and another. I've only had time to read twelve so far but hope to get back for more.

The first chapter mirrored the cover so well - the tear showing pain, dropping on the picture of a bright sunflower, an image of happiness and hope.

The shift to Michael, and Kate's complete absence from the rest of the chapters I read, kept me wondering what happened to her and where the story is going. Michael's thoughts of art rather than functional steel, the mention of sunfaces and Jess' artistic tendencies connect me back to Kate and Helen's sunflower picture. It's that element that plays on my mind and has me wondering if that will bring Kate into Michael's life. For me, that's one hook that keeps me reading. The greatest hook is to find out what Kate's pain is.

Ted is intriguing. At first I thought belligerent old battle-axe, but then his POV showed a lonely man, unable to face the loss of his wife. It felt as though life was just passing him by.

I like the setting and I could picture the landscape you'd drawn, even though I'm not familiar with New Mexico and some of the terms used (I googled New Mexico adobe houses).

A lot to recommend in this.

Lena M. Pate wrote 376 days ago

Nicely written story. Nice imagery with good character building. Conversations flow easily. One recommendation is that you go through your pages looking for repetitive words. One that gets noted by editors is the word was. Do a search ans see if you can exchange them with something else or restructure the sentence itself. Just a suggestion. I have a hard time with this myself.

Adeel wrote 402 days ago

A nice, descriptive and well written book. Your writing style is very impressive, dialogue are realistic with vivid charachters and narrative is at great pace. Highly rated.

Artist, Twin, Ballerina wrote 404 days ago

Dear Cass,

First off, I have to say, your cover is simple yet enticing. I could picture this on a bookstore's shelf as something I would pick up and flip over to read the synopsis. The short pitch really grabbed me. Can a sunflower save a man? The question invites us in to see the answer explained, for we can assume the answer is "yes" although no one can guess how.

I have greatly enjoyed reading chapters 1-4. The pace is perfect. The characters are delightfully real and stubborn. I am reminded of Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver, a novel of three stories intertwining. The relationship between the old man and the young man reminds me of the "old chestnuts" story, although it is not the same. But similarly, I chuckle to myself reading about the old man who rarely cleans or does any yard work and who won't let a neighbor use the tiniest bit of him land. And I tear up knowing he's just waiting to die.

Beautiful. I'm keeping this on my W/L for a future backing!

-Cassandra (or Cass as well) Porter

RobRow wrote 405 days ago

Cass:

What I like about your novel is that the language is transparent, never getting in the way of the story; and the story so far (through Ch. 8) is solid. The pace, for me, is excellent, and the characterization is terrific; I feel as if I'm really getting to know Michael and, to a lesser extent, Jess. I must admit, though, that I'm wondering what happened to Katie from Ch. 1. The happenings in Ch. 8 are hysterical, and I found myself really engaging with the story here. I'll read on.

Rob

TimeTurner wrote 407 days ago

What a wonderfully writen story you've got here...I'm already on chapter seventeen and I'm entranced.

Luke Goode wrote 411 days ago

Just read the first 4 chapters, perfectly paced and filled with morsels of life's subtleties.

Emma.L.H. wrote 415 days ago

Well, Cass, what can I say? I'm up to chapter twelve and my eyeballs are on fire so I'll have to pop back tomorrow to read more! I haven't noticed any typos so far; it is truely a pleasure to read and indeed reads just like a published book. Highly starred and backed. Well done.

Ted Cross wrote 421 days ago

Cass, you mentioned to me that your opening was slow (since I had a similar issue with The Shard). I breezed easily through four chapters and didn't feel it was too slow at all. In fact, it rather surprised me given that this is absolutely not my type of genre for reading enjoyment, but you have subtle but interesting hooks throughout the smooth-flowing prose that kept my interest and made me wonder what was going to happen next. I'm putting this on my Worth Reading thread.

Ted

Ian_Keith wrote 431 days ago

Hi Cass,

I've read your first 10 chapters, and I really enjoyed them. Your story moves at an even, mellow pace, giving time for several characters to develop without seeming crowded. Your characterizations are excellent - your primary characters already seem three-dimensional, especially Michael, and secondary characters like Frank, Ted and Roddy are quickly and economically drawn. I even have a good sense of what Alex is like, even though he hasn't appeared yet. The narration provides a lot of interesting, realistic detail; the descriptions of Michael's work on the mask are particularly good. I'm happy to give you my backing.

- Ian

Elizabeth.NYC wrote 435 days ago

It's been awhile since I've read an entire manuscript on the site, and usually we are not given the opportunity to see a story through to the end. I'm happy to decided to post the story in full. Your skills as a storyteller are stellar, and I found the pace quite refreshing. So much work now feels rushed and frantic to me. I love the sense of daily life and the "ordinary" parts of life that were not ordinary at all in that we learned who these people are through their interractions.

Michael's journey fascinated me, and honestly I didn't expect to cry over a fence at the end, but it was so sweet and touching. You get to the heart of the characters, and although I thoroughly enjoyed the plot - it was the people themselves who kept me reading. The story feels authentic and multi-dimensional. When I finished, I logged into Amazon, hoping you've published it there so I could get it as a permanent collection in my Kindle. :)

Could the story be a bit shorter? Yes, but I wouldn't want to lose the very details that make this book so rich.

I finished the story feeling good about life, and this doesn't happen often, either (and I include my own work). Thank you for letting us know some very special people and allowing us to travel with them through an excellent story.

Lizzi
God of Wine

Numbers wrote 436 days ago

Hi Cass,

The opening paragraph is great. I love the description of the effects of the wind. And the whole first chapter is intriguing, making me want to read on.

I love the little snippets of thoughts from the characters muddled in with the narrative, “People who say they like sheep, really only like pictures of sheep.” That made me smile.
I can empathise with Michael’s delivery issues, because I have the same sort of problem. The road where I live is too narrow for big lorries and even if they have a smaller vehicle, they usually can’t find the road. Aggravating!

I haven’t read much, six chapters or so, but I am utterly absorbed, even though the main subject of the writing is about deliveries, metal, and fences.

I can’t offer any critique, I think you’ve written a great piece of writing. Strong narrative. Good dialogue. Interesting characters.

Starred and added to watchlist for further reading!

Cheers,
Adam

marfleet wrote 439 days ago

Sunflower
http://www.authonomy.com/books/31878/sunflower/

Smooth and effective opening to the story, hints at something and takes you into the next chapter effortlessly
The style is smooth and easy with great character detail, scene setting and believable dialogue but by about chap 8, I was wondering what was happening, where it was going and where Katie of the prelude came in. This may be a bit long to make the reader wait and throwing some tidbits in earlier may help. That said, it is very hard to get a sense of real timing when reading on a computer screen as the eyes tire quickly. I think you have a lovely style and the MS is very clean of errors. I will keep popping back to read as I am enjoying the characters.

One small thing you may consider and only as it comes right at the beginning:
Chap 1
- …made everything worse. || repeated in next paragraph, may consider changing.


High stars and good luck.

Andrew
A Fatal Misuse of time
Short pitch: Ever tried waking up yesterday instead of tomorrow? That is just the beginning of Tristan's troubles as his life is hijacked to reveal the future.
(Not a time travel novel really, more a mystery/philosophy comedy :-)

Richard Maitland wrote 439 days ago

Beautifully observed; beautifully written. Backed with pleasure.

Greenleaf wrote 440 days ago

Hi Cass,
I've been reading Sunflower off and on all day (read the first nine chapters) and I'm really enjoying it. I love the detail, the characters (Michael and Jess), but what happened to Katie? She was the character who hooked me, and made me want to know more. I hope she'll show up soon. You set up an intriguing mystery in the first chapter. Your writing is excellent, and I like the way you handle thoughts/interior monologue. Very nice!
I'll be back to read more later when I'm caught up on my other reading.
Susan/Greenleaf (Chameleon)