Book Jacket

 

rank 67
word count 69260
date submitted 13.03.2011
date updated 15.04.2014
genres: Fiction, Fantasy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Ethereal Witnesses

Ken

Entranced medium, Karen Wilson, produces ectoplasm. Spirits cover their ethereal bodies and materialise, taking on solid forms in the dark.

 

Karen Wilson a famous spiritualist medium is accused of cheating. Items allegedly found in her cabinet during a séance provoked a leading psychic newspaper to sue her under the Fraudulent Medium act.
Sceptic, Robert Stone, uses his web site to denounced Karen as a fraud. Stating that anyone who attends séances and is deceived by trickery is a moron.
That infuriated Paul Lovatt a highly respected lawyer who witnessed his wife’s grandfather materialise at a Karen Wilson séance. He declared, "Spirits have a voice; they should be allowed to use it regardless of a death certificate."
A television company agreed to televise a trial and a séance. Regardless of the abusive letters, the phone calls and a break-in at their home, Lovatt persuades a reluctant Karen to risk everything with a séance on TV.
Stone wants a professional illusionist and an escapologist on the show. He claims they can produce the same paranormal phenomenon that fraudulent mediums use on gullible clients.

 
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tags

, enlightenment, enlightning, fantasy, huhour, humour, paranomal, paranomal', paranormal

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116 comments

 

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Sanchez Lovers wrote 572 days ago

Dear Kenneth,
Already the topic of your story is very attractive. It starts in mysterious tunes and catches reader´s attention from the very first line. Your writing style is ver enjoyable, impressing, fresh and inviting. Your characters are strong (everyone must love Neil!), dialogue vividly amazing and story line simply perfect, I can´t forget the gentle humor that makes your book even more pleasant.
To me is Ethereal Whitnesses an excellent book and I thank you for sharing this amazing work.
I wish you best luck with it and I am sorry I can give just 6 stars here :)

Wanttobeawriter wrote 577 days ago

ETHEREAL WITNESSES
This is an intriguing read. The beginning, where we’re introduced to Neil who has a hard time believing he is dead, is a good start to the story. I think the story only comes into its own, tho, when we meet Karen and get to participate in a séance. The fact that Karen is sincere (so strings or spooky sounds or projected images) definitely makes this story different from the average medium story. Means you should attract a wide range of readers from those who know a lot about mediums to others like myself who know nothing about them but are very interested in their work. A good read, I’m starring this and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

AlexandraMahanaim wrote 595 days ago

There is no end...

Ken,

I came back to read more and finished your story. Now that I have read all, I understand the meaning of ethereal witnesses—the spirits that watch our everyday life. I was intrigued by the description of ectoplasm and it being invisible in its normal state yet while séance leaving the medium and taking on different shapes in response to spirits. Good definition: “Ectoplasm is a substance that is drawn from the medium’s body and is used by discarnate intelligence to produce phenomena of physical nature, including materialization of spirit entities.”

Interesting sentence: “People became immersed in their own thoughts drifting almost hypnotically in the dark.” One of the key sentences of the story: “We have been given this incredible opportunity to prove to a wider audience that there is no death. That, in fact, we merely leave our physical body when it can no longer support our needs on this earthly plane, and that we go with an ethereal body to another plane of existence.”

Thank you so much for sharing your book,
Alexandra Mahanaim
Shoshanna, The Battle: Encountering Supernatural, Captivity, and Return to Eternity

Cariad wrote 660 days ago

I like the subject matter of this, though it didn't strike me particularly as comedy - perhaps in an understated way, which I was glad about as the subject matter is so fascinating, I didn't want to be rolling on the floor. I was always interested in the Victorians and their obsession with mediums and proving the afterlife, and people like Conan Doyle, who supported all that sort of thing. It's the universal need, I suppose.

As to your book, I found it well written - no list of typos or errors or anything. The pace was good, the text clear and easy to get into and follow, and you managed the page turning hook - kept me reading. (In fact, it's on my list of 'read more of this,' books that I take a while to read, so probably will comment again. On my watchlist for now and some stars for a good read.
Cariad.






Connie King wrote 790 days ago

Ethereal Witnesses. What an out-standing, remarkable book that's packed with intrigue and zest about the spiritual world. On times it was unerring truth, portrayed by real characters and your marvellous storytelling, to be savoured. I was truly engrossed in every chapter, every right turn of events that appeared around every corner. It doesn't disappoint in humanity and humour. I would buy this book now if it were out there on Waterstones' shelves. I look forward to seeing this rise and hit the ed's desk.
Kind Regards Connie. x

Chaiscuro wrote 9 days ago

Hi Ken,

I've just literally devoured Chap 1 and I love it to bits. This kind of story suits my genre and I was not disappointed!
Very descriptive prose, and I like the fact Neil didn't know he was dead until he was taken at the end. Of all the supernatural stories I have read, this comes out on top so far. I shall read on Ken....thanks for giving us your amazing piece of work!

Very High Stars!!

Best Wishes,
Phil

Arabella: A Picture of Beauty

Ruby Soyler wrote 31 days ago

I'm enjoying this story. The beginning is very funny, then Karen's story begins and she is a medium with many powers. She must prove her powers and defend herself against the cheating allegations. I will continue to read.

So far, high stars and best wishes,

Ruby

Sebnem wrote 36 days ago

Ethereal Witnesses
Ken

Review Chapter 5

Karen’s car is vandalized as she finds out from Bob, the caretaker, while the leaving the nursery school.

Bob, unexpectedly offers to help, and Karen is surprised at this kindness coming from a man she has ignored in the past. Lovatt’s name is scratched on the car and Karen understand the hostility building towards her from someone associated with the school, probably a parent…

The interesting bit in this chapter is that little Emily, felt this incident before leaving school with her ‘bulbs’ query, meaning ‘valves’ and she manages to find them in the ditch, for Bob to fix the flattened tyres. So, Emily has definitely inherited her mother’s spirituality…

Very enjoyable chapter, while the plot hints at a possible collaboration between Lovatt and Karen, to defend her case…

Best wishes,

Sebnem
The Child of Heaven

Sebnem wrote 44 days ago

Ethereal Witnesses
Ken Walford

Review Chapter 4

After the events during the séance at the spiritualist church, Karen faces accusations of fraud. The publicity around her case reaches Emily’s nursery school and Margaret, the head of school, has a casual meeting with Karen regarding Emily.

Karen finds a friend in Margaret who is concerned about Emily’s well-being. Emily sees her dead grandfather Neil and talks to him. Karen and Margaret mutually agree to keep this between them for Emily’s sake. Emily has inherited her mother’s spirituality, but she’s also a happy child.

It was very nice to return to this, after a long time, and I will be reading more.

Best wishes,

Sebnem
The Child of Heaven

Natasha Vloyski wrote 62 days ago

Ch 2 slightly overdone. Just my opinion.

Natasha Vloyski wrote 62 days ago

Ch 1 nice beginning. The dialogue is a little stiff but overall the chapter builds in intensity, has good descriptions.

nese wrote 160 days ago

Hi Ken,

A good friend of mine recommended your book. I've just read a few chapters and I'm enjoying it very much. Your first chapter is very witty, when Neil is not aware that he is dead. Then Karen begins her sessions and wonder of wonders, she is transformed into the people she is in contact with. Nice story, gripping fantasy. I really like this.

You're on my WL, high stars, best wishes,

Nese

Sarah Breske wrote 162 days ago

So far I've read up to chapter 5 and I really like it. The pitch was enticing but the cover scared me (not that it's bad.) I really liked the descriptive language used. My favorite was the last sentence of the first chapter: He swirled around sinking deeper down into a dark endless void, totally silent but for the thunderous beating of his heavy heart. Although I think you'd need a comma between dark and endless. (I could be wrong, but I think so.) I love how it's sometimes startling and strange at some points (in a goody way ;) and very intriguing at others. I really like the idea itself and how easily engrossed I got into this, even early on which is very difficult to accomplish for me. But it seems you have done it, easily I might add. High stars!!

SB
The Rezempia Challenge

CSG99 wrote 188 days ago

Great cover incidentally. I know I shouldn't really comment on something so trite, but I love it.

CSG99 wrote 188 days ago

I love this kind of book ad you've done it so well. I like the contrast between Seances and the modern world of television too. Excellent cover incidentally? you make it yourself?

aerisen wrote 204 days ago

I'm a fan of Harry Potter stories and my aunt told me I might like your book. So far I find it very interesting and knowing that you are a Medium makes it even more intriguing. I willl keep on reading and comment more later. Many shining stars, best wishes....

A G Chaudhuri wrote 211 days ago


ETHEREAL WITNESSES was an engrossing read. Chapter 1: At first, I thought it must be a dream, but soon realised that it wasn’t. The dash of humour in describing the shadow as a burly Scotsman named Hamish seemed a bit forced though, and unnecessary in its lightness of tone. I felt that this could very well have been a deep, eerie and hair raising piece of fiction, and perhaps even darkly comical if you’d wanted it to. But then again, you can ignore this niggle because it isn’t devoid of personal bias. Your book is ranked quite high, so obviously it has resonated well with the majority of readers on here. Moving on, Chapter 2 was fantastic. You’ve imparted an effective sense of realism to the scene that is so often found lacking in many other works of this nature... very well done indeed. Hamish’s appearance at the end was no longer out of place too and I could see where this was heading. I wish if I could share the ending of my book Shining Dawn with you now. We share many similar ideas. But I’m afraid I can’t do that till my publisher brings it out, hopefully sometime within the next thirty days. Come Chapter 3 and you were in your element. It continued to feel so real that I read it with something akin to academic interest. I wondered why or how an electrical storm could interfere with a materialisation séance. I came up with a couple of half-baked ideas, but I’d be really keen to have your take on this. Karen’s comment on the séance poster reminded me of your book cover. Is that of significance here? The cover is rather highly reminiscent of early Jack Kirby comic art. Reading on, what happened after Karen lapsed into her altered state took me by surprise. I didn’t see that coming one bit. So, more questions here... how did it happen? Was it an ectoplasmic phenomenon or a real physical transfiguration? You mentioned that spirits were able to speak by virtue of larynxes made out of ectoplasm. Is that what happened when Jack Davis came on stage? Logic dictates that all this is impossible within the boundaries of known science and moreover, there is no rational explanation or evidence for the existence of ectoplasm. So once again, I look forward to your views. Please pardon my youthful exuberance. This is the first time that I’ve read someone who’s perhaps had firsthand experience with the occult. I am intrigued, to say the least. Funny how Karen’s views on low crotch jeans brought to mind the picture of an acorn :-) Well, that’s it for now. This is one book that I’ll certainly read till the end. There are a few typos, a ‘Doris’ in place of a ‘June’, but nothing that a quick edit can’t fix. On my shelf for now... best of luck.

AGC




pinkoasis wrote 213 days ago

Hi Ken,

Sebnem said I should take a look at your book. I like how Karen transforms herself into the characters she becomes spiritually connected with; a different kind of medium, I suppose. Very intriguing, I shall read on. I'm enjoying it very much so far.

Highest stars, best wishes,

Pink

georgelle wrote 224 days ago

Preliminary GSWTCG review Ethereal Witness by K J W
Ken, you've got it just right for a story well told. I just completed ch-5 and find the way you progress into the escalation of what, at this point, appears to be vicious prejudice by ignoramuses is building quite dramatically. Ch-5 is such a grand dichotomy between humor and fearsome events. Superb balance is the way to call it. Your writing style is easy to read and is always building toward an unknown that holds the reader and besides such interesting subject matter. I see no flaws that would in any way call for less than full stars. I will happily read on.
George McLendon
Papa's Gift

sesad wrote 241 days ago

Hi Ken,
Sebnem recommended your book to me. I simply love the sense of humour in the first chapter. Poor Neil doesn't quite know where he is. This is a well-written, fast paced story with an intriguing plot. How will Karen, the medium deal with her problems and defend herself? Must read on. Well done, high stars, best wishes....Sesad

Sebnem wrote 285 days ago

Ethereal Witnesses-Ken Walford

Review Chapters 1-3
Ch1
Great first chapter… It has a gripping beginning and a lot of sense of humour. Neil, unaware of his condition, talks to the shadow of a man, Hamish, who turns out to be a Scotsman. The irony of the situation is revealed when we find out Neil is not aware where he is and how he got there although he realizes he’s wearing a hospital gown. He is told to return to bed; he realizes he cannot move, his body disintegrates and he is “immersed in a pleasant liquid warmth”… great page turner here…

Ch2
Well, this chapter is full of surprises and intriguing events…I’m still reading with curiosity…Jack and Maureen are in the scene and they’re trying to make Neil understand the situation...
Line beginning “Jack looked solemn…has missing (“) at the end …. “you survived six weeks.”
Para beginning “So, what are you saying….He looked at jack (Jack)…..
Para beginning “Maureen looked into Neil’s eyes…..last sentence “I can (can’t) take any more (,) darling…
Steve heard relieved voices behind him as (,) he,……

Ch3
Karen goes into trance and performs a transfiguration into the body of a dead person who can also speak during her séance…The dead person’s body is covered in ectoplasm for the transfiguration….The two unpleasant young men who disturb the show manage to put a few items in the box, including an aerial, that could have jeopardised Karen’s safety. I guess now she will be charged by fraud….
“He’s a rogue (,) (is, mistake) your Steve.”

Conclusion:

Dear Ken,

I am pleasantly surprised by this. It’s a gripping fantasy with a fast-pace. The sense of humour in the first chapter is very appealing; made me laugh hard a few times. Jack’s naivety about his circumstances in the second chapter is rather ironic and sad. Karen, his daughter, will probably now have to prove herself in front of a televised audience and defend herself against rumours of fraud….

Well, done; I wish I could give more stars for this book that has a special meaning for me, coming from a dyslexic writer. Bravo, I’m impressed by your courage and determination to write a wonderful story. Will be backed at the nearest opportunity….

Best wishes and good luck,

Sebnem-The Child of Heaven

NMott wrote 295 days ago

Apologies for being pedantic, but...
Avoid rhetorical questions in a pitch. 'Unfortunately: only in the dark?' = would make more sense if written 'Unfortunately, only in the dark.'
Delete 'items allegedly found in her cabinet' - leave this type of detail for the novel itself. It's enough to know she's accused of cheating and being sued by a psychic newspaper.
'fraudulent medium act' should be Fraudulent Medium Act.
The next sentence is a bit muddled. Maybe: Sceptic, Robert Stone, uses his website to denounce Karen as a fraud, and calls anyone who attends sciences a moron.
Keep in the present tense - This infuriates Paul Lovatt.
Wilson's should be Wilson in that sentence, but better to write '..materialise at one of Karen's seances'
'He declared, "..(It's a quote so should be in quotes)..." '
'their home' should be 'her home' even if she's living with a partner.

I find that errors in grammar in a Pitch are usually carried on into the prose of the novel itself. Checking out the chapters I see this is true, the grammar and syntax are all over the place which spoils what could potentially be a very good story. This is not something a Publisher is going to fix for you.

booklover1 wrote 303 days ago

Hello there. I read a little. I wanted to show my support by rating your book. I've given it a good rating. I will back it as well in a few days since I have already put some books on my bookshelf :-) I wish you the best of luck.

The Immigrant: Stargazer
T M Patel

Kestrelraptorial wrote 314 days ago

I've always wondered what talking to spirits might be like. I like the version of ectoplasm being similar to drenched with all one's clothes still on - heavy indeed - and draining of one's energy. If spirits are made of energy, I guess they feed on energy for sustenance. Does that make ghosts truly dead, or a kind of life that not many of the 'material living' are attuned to? Huh, not sure, though I'm interested in what Emily's story will be. Her inheriting the ability to see spirits seems to kind of kill the argument from Karen's audience that she's cheating them.

Sam Barclay wrote 322 days ago

I have read up to Chapter 4...this being my favourite chapter so far. It starts very dramatically regards Karen and Steve. The sense of urgency is palpable and very entertaining. I think the subject of spiritualism is a good one to theme as many people feel quite strongly about it, for and against.

Blue Orchard wrote 324 days ago

The book sounds interesting read. On my WL now. Will come back to comment after having a ride to its amazing read.

Starflower wrote 329 days ago

Fascinating tale, really well written and very entertaining!

Salley wrote 351 days ago

Ken,
I just read the first chapter of your book, and I am hooked! I really like your characters and your sense of humor. I look forward to reading on, and I am sure that by doing so, I will learn quite a bit about a subject that really fascinates me. Backed!

Best regards,
Sara Alley
Ghost Town

carol jefferies wrote 375 days ago

Hi Kenneth,

I've just read the first chapter of your book 'Ethereal Witnesses' as I have had on my watch list for a while. I was intrigued to read it from the curious image you used.

The story hooked me straight away with Karen's unsuccessfully attempt to mediate prior to a se'ance.

The fact the story is set at the start of a storm adds to the suspense and the ambiance.

I liked the humourous description of the poster advertising the event.

I would imagine the two skeptics feature further on in the story, as they come across as trouble makers.

The pace is fast, and the dialogue excellent and the story flows so naturally as if you were actually in the Church Hall with them.

I am looking forward to reading more.

Good luck,

Carol Jefferies
(The Witch of Fleet Street)
(From a Prince to a Pauper)

AuthorGirlAngie wrote 388 days ago

Your book seems like a great one! I am glad to be on this site and find some intelligence too. Good luck.

Kevin Sand wrote 441 days ago

Yeah, I like it.

JB Wilson wrote 470 days ago

Hello again Ken,

Still reading your book. It's very entertaining, which is a great achievement and I am enjoying it very much. I think you have added chapters since I last looked which is good, if I read slowly enough maybe it will be completed by the time I have read it all. ;)

If your are publishing as you go along I cannot say too much about the grammar or structure since these areas come into improvement with subsequent edits which it does need. There are many punctuation errors, for instance, and a lot of 'piercing blue eyes..' )) Still nothing to worry about because this is exactly how books are written, in stages, but publishing this way does invite premature criticism because these little details haven't yet been ironed out.

However, I am not sure about the new first chapter. Again, I know the book may change as you work at the plotting etc, but I think having two minor characters introduce the book isn't a good idea, and the now chapter two was a better start. I understand the need for a backstory for the grandparents, but perhaps not all at once. There is an opportunity somewhere when there is a person who is newly deceased, and a séance in progress?

Cheers
John

Seringapatam wrote 475 days ago

Very easy going and light on my brain. I enjoyed the story line and found myself really engrossed in it. You have a nice flow that I look for in most books and you tell the tale well. I like the hint of humour too. well done and I can score this high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or a watch list wont you? Happy New Year. Sean

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 478 days ago

Kenneth,
You start off with Maureen and Neil, victims of a car accident, meeting post-mortem with Neil, of course, slow to the realization that they have both left this mortal coil, not just her. What an auspicious beginning, setting the tone with backstory to illustrate what awaits your protagonist Karen in her quest for answers in the afterlife. You have a penchant for detail, and your use of dialogue to get your points across, is impeccable. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

DirtyRotten666 wrote 478 days ago

Hi
I have enjoyed reading a small part of this superb work and will read more soon.
You are on my book shelf and have full stars.

From
Derek

Cathy Hardy wrote 479 days ago

I keep coming back to your book because I am very interested in the subject matter and hope to read the whole thing. Great writing!!

Cathy

Antoinette II wrote 487 days ago

A bit confused. Why does this start with chapter two? And then go on to chapter four? Are you in the middle of editing it?

Alice Barron wrote 494 days ago

This first chapter is really good. It's interesting and entertaining. The two sceptics in the audienced added to the tale.

"I laughed saw those posters.....does this sound right? Should it be...."I laughed when I saw those posters.

A tall young man wearing the hood of his coat up, even though the hall was comfortably heated, he began slow clapping......drop the he.

Highly starred.

Alice.

JB Wilson wrote 495 days ago

Just great Ken. This is rolling along much more smoothly, need to keep reading. Should have taken a three iron though ;)

psychotick wrote 498 days ago

Hi,

Haven't read the book yet but am starting now. The premise of the book is both intriguing and amusing. Wold just mention a couple of issues with the blurb. It's skeptics not sceptics (which would be something to do with sewage). Also the line after begining with 'stating that' is mixed up for plurals and tenses. Maybe it should read something like: Stating that everyone who attend's seances and is deceived by trickery is a moron.

Cheers, Greg.

JB Wilson wrote 499 days ago

I like this story, it has kept me reading and since I have a very short attention span, this is a good thing. Much of your prose is easy to read and I feel that I can forget the writing and the words and become lost in the story, but then I hit a stumbling block which disrupts the flow. Mostly this is just awkward punctuation that would easily be corrected with another edit. I have made some notes as I read the first chapter, just how I find it that is all, but I hope of some use to you. There is always the possibility that I am wrong.


Your usage of commas.

In the opening lines, missing where there is a natural breathing space, and present where not needed. I feel the following reads much better.

Karen sighed and opened her eyes again, glancing towards the clock on the dressing room wall. The thunder rumbling in the distance was distracting her.

Many commas can be replaced by a period, or even, as here, by a question mark:

"That's understandable, isn't it? They came here expecting materialised spirits walking about the room."



Repetition

He was trapped with restraining hand[s] fending him off, as people defended themselves.

When people defend themselves, they fend off, we don't need to be told twice.


..and sometime, less is more:

“They rely on these special events, don't they? The weekly collection plate and raffle don't bring in much.”

“You know, we could have easily filled the bigger hall. Tom said the ads really paid off. ”


Mixed metaphor

[chatter] ..becoming muffled like the effect of a fresh blanket of snow on a starry night.

I know, a bit finicky of me and I get your meaning, but would a snowfall dampen the stars? Or the sound of the stars?


The following paragraph to this is really nice. Again watch the commas. I removed one here, or you could replace it and the 'and' with a period.

She became less aware of her body contact against the chair and her clothes became comfortable, soft, feeling as light as cobwebs against her skin.



Dialog.

Some say that dialog should always start on a new line. I tend to think that this isn't the case and that there is value to the way you have handled it, with a beat and dialog together, as in:

"Karen!" The familiar, gentle etc, etc

But, there is something to be said for a new line for dialog. It breaks up the blocks of text giving room to pause, and can give depth. The dialog I have selected here is an unexpected voice breaking through Karen's concentration and making itself heard. It doesn't belong in her thoughts so would be an ideal candidate to be separated from any other text.

"Karen!"


Colons and semi-colons are a matter of choice. Personally if I find one I try to find another way. Not sure why his mouth curled, guess it's a smile.

The corner of David's mouth curled, “Hm, the part I like most. Still, it's a pity to cancel.”

“I see. I hope for their sakes they can outrun David. He plays rugby.”


Be sure who is talking:

“Yes David, I'm ready.” The door opened and David stood relaxed in the doorway. “Well, as ready as I will ever be with this storm.”


“Yes David, I'm ready.”

The door opened and David stood relaxed in the doorway. Karen blinked her large blue eyes as though to accept the inevitability of the storm, “Well, as ready as I will ever be.”



Great story and interesting characters, I will read more as time allows. As I said, all these points are minor details that would be addressed in another edit, and would be picked up on by an editor. Just some simple changes though could make it easier to read and more attractive to agents, when you concentrate on the technical side and strive to make it look as untechnical as you can. Rewriting is where the art of writing lies, and where your voice can really shine. Finding just the right word, or forming the perfect sentence makes the slog of it worthwhile. You have the storytelling and the ability, looking forward to finding out what happens next.

Andrea Taylor wrote 499 days ago

I like this. I'm psychic but prefer not to be a medium (the time doesn't feel right) so it really strikes a chord with me. I dont like it when mediums and psychics get into scary stuff and frighten people away when we know it isnt like that at all (usually). I think humour is essential; as much as presenting it in a natural, unaffected way. This you have done and done well, so high stars from me. And bless you!
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

Cathy Hardy wrote 503 days ago

Great title, very eerie, but light easy going and humorous. Wonderfully written and a very enjoyable read. High stars :)

Cathy

patio wrote 519 days ago

A man awoken in a strange place, an hospital. How the hell did he get there. This story is explosive. It`s full of punches to keep you reading.

high stars

margaret c wrote 531 days ago

Hi Kenneth,
Sorry it has taken me this long to read Etereal witnesess. I could relate to this story. You obviously know your stuff as the facts relating to one or two famous mediums like Helen Duncan were mentioned. However, when you said grandad Neil, was Karen's spirit guide during trance I immediately knew this would not happen because he has only been in the spirit world for three years. I would have liked a bit more mystery surrounding her guide and a really interesting name. Perhaps his past lives etc..Grandad Neil would still be a family member helping out, but he would not have the depth of understanding that is needed for a deep trance medium etc. Chapter ten clink of CLASSES instead of glasses and ASPORTinstead of apport, a minor detail. Can you put a few more scary bits in? I like it and wish you well with it and hope you find my comments helpful and not too intrusive. I would appreciate a read swop, but I am having a struggle to find my first chapter and the recent update. May I ask you again when I have succeeded. Margaret C The Magic Kingdom


Andrea Taylor wrote 536 days ago

I've just read some of your book and already I am hooked. A very intriguing and alluring first chapter. I will def read some more soon (husbands birthday today, off out!).
Andrea

ladyknight26 wrote 543 days ago

Wow, what an excellent story. I like that you capture the readers interest in the beginning. With any book one should always hook the reader in the first chapter and not wait on the middle to get to the good part. I'm actually new here and I've been exploring the Fantasy topics and I have found your writing to be one of my favorite. Excellent Work!!!

Tod Schneider wrote 545 days ago

Hi Kenneth,
Good spooky tale overall; its fun to share the experience.
Critique-wise, (and of course ignore me if you'd prefer, this is just my impression) I'd say it's time to tackle the punctuation, which needs a lot of attention. The pitch is also quite fragmented (perhaps in trying to trim it down to the word limit, which drove me crazy too!). Grammatically, it should probably be something like: Karen is bound and gagged...
and then in the longer pitch you can say she's a medium, but you need some commas
Karen Wilson, a renowned medium, ... or simpler: Renowned medium Karen Wilson...is accused by notorious skeptic Robert Stone of ...
statement (cut: that( )(put the statement in italics) Anyone attending seances...is a moron (not are morons)
and in so doing (cut: period) he would
stop Karen (insert: from) making...
It may be that you're giving us too much info in the pitch. This is just a lure, not a synopsis.
More suggested edits and punctuation in chapter one:
Neil shaded his eyes with both hands (cut comma, insert semicolon)
the light blazing from the doorway (cut: was so bright it) obscured everything around it. [grammatically fine, just wordy]
how he (cut: had) got here
smiled genially (cut comma, insert period)
but he was mesmerized (cut: ,")(insert period)
being opened (cut comma, insert period)
that's as far as my harassment and nitpicking go. I hope they help. Your story quality is good enough that it would be well worth the polish.
Best of luck with this!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Alegria101 wrote 568 days ago

Dear Kenneth,
I put your book on my shelf after reading just one chapter and the reason i did, is because your subject fascinates me, although i'm sure you hear that all the time. I have read all SilviaBrown and others have to offer, and someone new would be rather refreshing. I can't read much at a time for lack of same, but i know i would love to see a hard copy of Ethereal Witnesses in my personal library. Best of luck with it, it got six stars from me.
Adria x

Sanchez Lovers wrote 572 days ago

Dear Kenneth,
Already the topic of your story is very attractive. It starts in mysterious tunes and catches reader´s attention from the very first line. Your writing style is ver enjoyable, impressing, fresh and inviting. Your characters are strong (everyone must love Neil!), dialogue vividly amazing and story line simply perfect, I can´t forget the gentle humor that makes your book even more pleasant.
To me is Ethereal Whitnesses an excellent book and I thank you for sharing this amazing work.
I wish you best luck with it and I am sorry I can give just 6 stars here :)

Wanttobeawriter wrote 577 days ago

ETHEREAL WITNESSES
This is an intriguing read. The beginning, where we’re introduced to Neil who has a hard time believing he is dead, is a good start to the story. I think the story only comes into its own, tho, when we meet Karen and get to participate in a séance. The fact that Karen is sincere (so strings or spooky sounds or projected images) definitely makes this story different from the average medium story. Means you should attract a wide range of readers from those who know a lot about mediums to others like myself who know nothing about them but are very interested in their work. A good read, I’m starring this and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

AlexandraMahanaim wrote 595 days ago

There is no end...

Ken,

I came back to read more and finished your story. Now that I have read all, I understand the meaning of ethereal witnesses—the spirits that watch our everyday life. I was intrigued by the description of ectoplasm and it being invisible in its normal state yet while séance leaving the medium and taking on different shapes in response to spirits. Good definition: “Ectoplasm is a substance that is drawn from the medium’s body and is used by discarnate intelligence to produce phenomena of physical nature, including materialization of spirit entities.”

Interesting sentence: “People became immersed in their own thoughts drifting almost hypnotically in the dark.” One of the key sentences of the story: “We have been given this incredible opportunity to prove to a wider audience that there is no death. That, in fact, we merely leave our physical body when it can no longer support our needs on this earthly plane, and that we go with an ethereal body to another plane of existence.”

Thank you so much for sharing your book,
Alexandra Mahanaim
Shoshanna, The Battle: Encountering Supernatural, Captivity, and Return to Eternity

AlexandraMahanaim wrote 602 days ago

I have finished reading four chapters of your book. I have found your style of writing descriptive just enough to see the picture vividly and clear. I have found the crossing over from life to death experience interesting. The story describes the life style that I am not familiar with so I have to re-read some of the sentences to understand what is going on, especially with seances and transfiguration. I did not realize that spiritualists also struggle with people that try to make their life difficult. Somehow I thought they know magic to stop the persecutions. I will finish reading entire story sometimes in the future because I want to know more.

Thank you for sharing your story,
Alexandra Mahanaim
Shoshanna, The Battle: Encountering Supernatural, Captivity, and Return to Eternity

Abby Vandiver wrote 608 days ago

I love ghost stories and the like. This one is a good idea and the writing is good, too but I was confused in some places. I don't know if Neil died. First he was told to go back by a man standing in the light and then when he went back they were pronouncing him dead, albeit, sometime in the future, which you can't do. I think it was very drawn out in the first chapter. It took too long to get to the point, which I'm still not sure of. Who will be home in two days? Dead Neil?

I think that this would be an excellent story if it was cut back (well, at least the first chapter), cut to the chase, sort of speak and come right out and say that Neil is dead, if indeed he is.

Good start.

Abby

Mushiegirl wrote 626 days ago

What an amazing first chapter as we find Neil, in an accident and talking to Maureen who is now a spirit. I do like the concept quite a bit, having done some reading about spirits and the spirit world as a result of a profoundly personal situation i found myself in. I look forward to reading more and seeing how this all plays out.

Mushiegirl
Vision's Quest

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