The Silent Saga Book 1: Desolate

Hi David,

I have read some of the comments here and I am not sure that we are all talking about the same book. I am not the biggest sci-fi fan but I really liked your title and it made me want to read your sample. When I did get around to reading I found it tough going to read the five chapters here. I'm sorry to say this but I found the writing to be very heavy handed. There is absolutely no doubt that you have created a fantastic world for your characters to live in but the writing just did not do them justice. The grammar and spelling really let you down, (there, their, they're etc). If it was possible for you I would recommend you have the book proof read before you push ahead with The Silent Saga.

Your passion is undeniable but I think your writing needs work.

Paddy W

Great research always brings a book from good to great. And this is one of them! Great descriptions of the Earth Ship Foundry and the Gunship Shannon. The detail is breathtaking. I would love to see this action-packed book made into a movie. The first battle with Jandar and the first Fleet Battle at the Itara 2 System are fast paced and uniquely relayed through dialogue. The entire prologue—release of military documents—is set up similar to a ship’s log. The visuals are easy to assemble mentally and the book is exciting to read. Due to the exceptional nature of this story, I have rated it highly. Claire ~ Chasing Pharaohs.

Very well written. I was surprised at the level of detail and creativity. You have a vivid imagination and it comes across nicely in this story. I enjoyed it and I usually don't go for science fiction. Highly rated for now. Will be back to read more! Thanks

Alas i have finally gotten to reading this! Very interesting plot and approach aka the released record take. I think that the writing style stays consistent and i love the creativity it takes to create such a storyline! Good read!!!

Maiya :D

This is a good story, and well written. Backed with pleasure, Karen 'Conspiracy'

You have a great premise here and a descriptive writing style that really brings you into the world. Good job! I wish you the best of luck with it and I'll be back to read more. Have a great day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

alright you got me interested. You're on my watchlist, I shall read it soon!!

The Silent Saga

Great story idea. I have starred this book and will read soon.
A zoomer

You have clearly put a lot of thought into developing your world - I loved some of the attention to detail (the masks worn by the Cariskacs) and the idea of a space military college. If this story is for a YA audience then David needs to be much younger - no more than seventeen. I agree with the two previous reviewers re general editing requirements. This is a book with potential.
All the best
Kim
St Viper's School for Super Villains

Hi David,

Having read chapter 1 and chapter 4, I have to agree with CarolinaAl. Just to add a little, you also have some tenses mixed. Make sure that you stick to one tense within a paragraph. Try the trick of reading your work out loud to yourself and you will hear where the problems are.
Apart from that, you seem to have a strong storyline, but without having more to read, I'm not yet sure where it is going.

Keep working on it and I'm sure that you will iron out these little problems.

Good luck and enjoy your writing.

Michael J McKeown

I read your first chapter.

General comments: An engaging start. An interesting main character. Good descriptions. Good world building. Not much tension in this chapter. Good pacing.

Specific comments on chapter one:
1) 'His name was David Markesh, twenty three years old and ... ' Hyphenate 'twenty three.'
2) 'His crisp new uniform laced with silver lines to donate his stature as an enforcer ... ' 'Donate' should be 'denote.'
3) "You nervous kid, or just your first time away from home." Comma after 'nervous.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are more cases of this type of problem. Also, punctuate this dialogue question with a question mark.
4) 'For every scientist, doctor or any other person, their was a soldier.' 'Their' should be 'there.'
5) ' ... the Captain of the Carolina instructing on the ships moves.' Ships (plural) should be ship's (possessive).
6) "No way, their all lovely, especially Miller, he tells jokes." A man shouted down the way. 'Their' should be 'they're.' Comma after 'jokes' and 'A' should be lowercase. 'A man shouted' is a dialogue tag (tells who said something). When a dialogue tag follows dialogue, the last sentence of dialogue is punctuated with a comma (unless it's a question or exclamation) and the first word of the dialogue tag is lowercase (unless it's a person's name).
7) ' ... not really taking time to consider other peoples reactions to the journey.' Peoples should be people's. There are more cases where plural words should be possessive words.
8) ' ... maybe now to embarrassed herself at her little outbreak.' 'To' should be 'too.'
9) 'The woman across tried to look over her shoulder but couldn't, to tightly strapped. The second 'to' should be 'too.' There are more cases where 'to' should be 'too.'
10) "I'm Ted by the way", he said. Punctuation goes inside the closing quote marks. There are more cases where punctuation marks need to go inside the closing quote mark.

I hope this critique will help you polish your all important first chapter. These are just my opinions. Use what works for you and discard the rest.

Thank you for reading "Savannah Fire."

Have a fine day.

Al