Book Jacket

 

rank 20
word count 127913
date submitted 16.03.2011
date updated 02.12.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction,...
classification: moderate
complete

ISLES END: A Spiritual Thriller

J. H. F. White

The town of Isles End is where Harry starts over, but a human cloning operation, a woman, and an old chest, create complications.

 

After a terrible loss, the remote town of Isles End seems a perfect place to start over, so Harry Turner relocates there and begins a small contracting business. While rebuilding a fire-damaged home, Harry finds a chest in the basement and is astonished when he discovers someone not quite human locked inside. The celestial being introduces himself as Narcissus. Over time, the angelic creature takes Harry on several experiences into the supernatural. Is his new friend real, or simply the product of his imagination and broken heart?

 
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alternative dimension, angels, deception, demons, dreams, fantasy, fiction, genetic engineering, love, out of body, relationships, romantic themes, sc...

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5

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Beth Fairbanks

Once home, Harry went over his notes and then made a few calls. He left messages with some long-time contacts hoping he could get them started right away on the ABC project. With that out of the way he sat by the phone for a few moments and fidgeted with the cord. He hadn't been able to think of anything except Beth since he'd left the note for her. He wanted to call her but he didn't want to appear too anxious, and besides, he didn't have her number. He began to fantasize. The scene was a picnic on a hillside by a lake or a romantic dinner by candlelight in a small café, somewhere they could enjoy an intimate conversation together, undisturbed. She sat enamored as he shared his hopes and dreams.

    Why am I having these ridiculous thoughts? I don't even know this girl! What if we have nothing in common? What if she's not my type? But she had told her co-worker how much she enjoyed meeting him! And then there were those stunning eyes of hersjust fascinating. How could those eyes fool him?

She IS my type, he proclaimed to himself. There must be something about me that she liked.

"Alright, here we go," he stated aloud, and grabbed the slim Isles End phone book. He flipped it open and began working down through the names. Fahey, Fayler, Fair, Fairbanks—Beth! There it was, right there in the open for anyone to see . . . for anyone to call! What did he have to lose? It had been several hours now, would she be home already?  Nervously, Harry punched out the numbers. He heard the ringing on the other end and fought back the urge to quickly hang up. He listened: one ring, two, three . . .

“Hello?”

He recognized her sweet gentle voice.

“Beth?”

“Yes?”

“Hi, it's Harry Turner.”

“Harry!”

"Yes—I found your number in the phone book. I didn't want you to feel pressured to call me, so I thought I'd give you a call and see what you're up to—"

“Right now?”

“Sure,” he ventured.

“Well, I'm rearranging the furniture in my front room.”

“Really?”

“Actually, I was thinking about calling you. But I wasn't sure if that would seem a bit anxious, even though you invited me to. I wanted to leave my number for you at the office but then I ran into the same problem."

"What problem is that?" 

"Not wanting to appear forward, I guess. Or worse, to be perceived as some crazy girl who gives her number out to any stranger. So . . . I decided to move some furniture around."

“Do you?” he questioned.

“Do I what?”

“Give your number out to any stranger?”

“Well, only if they're really interesting,” she teased.

“Hmmm, didn't your mother teach you that—you know—whole thing about strangers?”

“Of course, Harry, but my boss told me he had already done a thorough background check on you, and you passed the test. He also said he had a good feeling about you."

Really, the Chief Executive Old-timer of ABC told you that?”

This made Beth laugh.

“So what else did he tell you about me?” he probed.

“Not much, really—he said you reminded him of himself when he was younger. He said he liked you.”

“Well, I guess if your boss approves of me, I can't be all bad!”

I'll have to be the judge of that,” she quipped.

Harry chuckled. "So, I was going to ask you if you'd like to have dinner with me."

"I think that would be nice!"

"Great," Harry said with instant confidence. "Is there somewhere you especially like?"

"Well, Harry, this is a small town. We don't have a lot of choices unless we go to the city. We could meet at Belmar's—you know, just up from the cafe?"

"Of course." 

"Or," she continued slowly, "another option would be to have you over to my place . . ."

"Oh—"

"Harry, normally I would never consider having a guy over to my home for the first date, so to speak. Now I feel funny saying that! But my boss did give his approval."

"You're referring to the background check?"

"Yes."

"He really did?"

"Oh yes!"

"I wasn't sure if you were actually serious or just joking!"

"Bill already treats both Valerie and me like we are his daughters. He's very protective. But back to our plans—I'm just thinking it would be nice to have you over here. You could see my little house and I could make something simple. I just didn't want to create any added pressure on either of us, so soon, you know?"

Harry hoped to quickly put her at ease. “Beth,” he said, “I would be very happy to meet you anywhere and I'm flattered that you would be comfortable enough to have me over to your home. I promise I'll behave myself . . . if that's what you decide you'd like to do.” 

“Behave yourself? Well, don't get carried away—you'll take all of the fun out of it!”

They both laughed as she continued. 

“So, Harry, it's my place for dinner?”

“Great!”

“Okay, how about tomorrow evening, say six-thirty?”

“Can I bring something?”

“Actually, yes. You could bring a bottle of merlot.”

“That's some sort of wine, isn't it?”

“Yes, Harry—”

    "Anything else?”

“Hmmm, yes, you can bring some salt water taffy.”

“Really?”

“Sure. As long as you're going to the trouble, you may as well bring something I really like.”

“Alright, consider it done!"

“Well then, I better let you go, Harry.”

“Wait a minute, what are you going to make for dinner?”

It's a surprise.”

“All right, so if you want to see that taffy, you'd better tell me how to find your house.”

Beth agreed and gave Harry the directions. He recited them back to her to be sure he had them right and then said good-bye. Flopping back down on the sofa, he let out a long sigh. He couldn't believe he had not only called Beth Fairbanks, but was having dinner with her tomorrow night. And he was amazed at how well their conversation went. He was always so clumsy and nervous around women, before and after Jennifer. Somehow this woman had a way of making him feel at ease. For the first time in a long while he had a feeling of excitement and hope.                                                                     
 
    Even as his enthusiasm grew regarding his plans with Beth, memories of Jennifer began to surface. Over time, he'd learned to turn his thoughts to somewhere safe where the grief could be held at bay, but other times he was compelled to let it flow.

Suddenly he couldn't help recalling the crush he’d had on her through high school. At first, her innocent, childlike features had caught his attention. Her smooth skin, her long silky hair, and her profile . . . flawless. By the end of high school she was nothing short of radiant, marked with a purity that had attracted Harry and every other boy who laid eyes on her. Unfortunately for Harry, having a crush on any girl at that age never materialized into anything outside of his own mind. That’s what had happened with Jennifer—he worshiped her from afar. It wasn’t until years later, that she had unexpectedly come into his life again, and he had never been happier, especially those few months after they had become engaged. He recalled how funny it was, whenever they went out, they always seemed to hook-up with his parents. At first, double dating had been Jenny's idea, but after a while the four of them almost naturally seemed to end up doing something together every week. This arrangement seemed to spark up something new in his folks too. The way they would hold hands, laugh, and whisper things to each other, it was as though they were the young engaged couple rather than Harry and Jenny.

Would he always torture himself with the past? He wanted to focus on the future but Gwen had explained to him, this  reflecting was just part of the healing process. Don't try to stuff it down, Harry, and don't isolate yourself! But that's exactly what he did. Thankfully his sister had taken care of most of the logistical details of his parents’ effects leaving Harry free to work through the more emotional components of recovery. There were, of course, bills to pay, funeral arrangements to make, and all the matters of the estate. But Gwen seemed to have the strength, the skills, and the motivation to attend to all the details. Harry couldn’t understand how she managed, but he guessed it was the way she found her healing, and he was grateful for her unselfish efforts.

Harry allowed himself a few more minutes to reminisce and realized the process didn't create the usual anguish he was used to. He wondered if his Jenny would approve of Beth Fairbanks. Somehow, he thought the answer might be yes. Even though they had just met, he could tell right away there was something special about Beth. But what was he thinking? He'd hardly spent twenty minutes with this woman! Entertaining these sort of thoughts was plain nonsense.

I've got to keep things in perspective, he warned himself.

Play it safe . . . mmm-hmm!  

  

Chapters

5

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lue2u wrote 748 days ago
PattiTain wrote 42 days ago

i see this book is uploaded in its entirety. I've read it from cover to cover and It's one of the most original stories I've ever read. It's well written, well edited, and the characters are great! The mixture of reality and "fantasy" makes it a very engaging read.
It's about time this novel received a review! It's complete, selling on amazon, and is getting great reviews there. Why other books here with less backings, less stars, and less WL's, is confusing to me.
I've seen this author do very little spamming. Is that the problem? Is that how other books are passing up Isles End?
Read this story, at least up to chapter 12. They are short chapters. You won't regret it.
Easily 6 stars!
PT

Paris Singer wrote 43 days ago

Hello, J.;

I have read a couple of chapters, and I have enjoyed doing so. Your writing is fluid and the pace is good.
You have characterised Harry well and your description of the Seraph was well done - I could see what you wanted me to see. Likewise with your descriptions - they were not too convoluted so as to make me skim; as such, I read every word and 'saw' the site, etc.
As has been mentioned, the mystery of the Seraph (who he is, what he wants, etc.) is very engaging and does make you want to find out - which is excellent.

High stars from me and I shall keep it on the WL for further reading.

Kind regards;

David

CJBowness wrote 56 days ago

This is very good: well written, intriguing - I want to know what happens, who Narcissus is and what he wants with Harry. I wouldn't choose to read science fiction usually (or fantasy, although my own book counts as fantasy!) but this is so realistically, even prosaically (and I mean that as a compliment) written that it seems 'normal'. That is the kind of science fiction or fantasy that I like - realistic, COULD be.
Starred and on my watchlist.
CJ Bowness
The Accidental Adventurers

Gary James Roper wrote 56 days ago

An enjoyable read so far! Great descriptive prose with flowing dialogue. The pace runs smoothly with background information setting the scene. I loved the cliffhanger closing chapter one.
No crits as this is well polished.
A well-deserved 6 stars!

Bart Jahn wrote 57 days ago

Hello Joe...I have finally started your book and read the first 3 chapters. I hope to continue reading over the next few weeks. The story pulled me in, the writing is flawless, and the characters are interesting and real. I know I am going to have to get deeper into the book to see where this all leads, but I am impressed with the highly professional and very clean writing so far.

My books are up for review in the CLF. Can I ask a favor? Could you read chapters 1-3 in The Christian Church in the Last-Days, write a short critique in the book's "comments" section, and then post it into the CLF? I think many people would like seeing your participation in the CLF as often as you have the time and the inclination. I would value your take on these chapters.

I see Isle's End reaching the ED in the near future...will comment in more detail later...on my watchlist with 6 stars for now, and will squeeze it on to my bookshelf for a week in the middle of April. Thanks, Bart

Etienne Hanratty wrote 60 days ago

TRG review

I'm sorry to say that I have quite mixed emotions about this. On the one hand, it's absolutely beautifully written with some wonderful descriptive passages and plausible dialogue. On the other, it was a bit...slow. For me, this was a real issue in the first chapter. I felt that you tried to incorporate so much into it that you lost the narrative flow a little. Without wishing to be overly critical, I thought it was a mistake to incorporate an entire character description and backstory into the opening section. You could afford to let the information filter out over the course of the book. In particular, it's a pity you don't string the reader along for longer regarding the circumstances of his bereavement. If it were me, it brutally edit the first chapter or, perhaps, split it into two sections. I loved the idea of the pay-off with Reese Orchard but because you'd spent so long building it up, it felt like a bit of an anticlimax. I'd also think about introducing a more obviously supernatural element to the opening-this may just be me but I felt that the introduction of Narcissus might have been more believable if you'd set up the context. Obviously, the route you've gone down is more shocking so I fully see why you've chosen it.

I hope you don't find this too negative. I do this you're a very good writer and I wish you all the best.

Ivan Amberlake wrote 61 days ago

First I’d like to say I’ve read ISLES END: A Spiritual Thriller twice, and both times I’ve enjoyed it immensely. This book is such an exquisite mixture of Thriller and Suspense, Paranormal Fantasy and Science Fiction that it will make any fastidious one-genre reader satisfied. ISLES END belongs to the category of books that you just want to return to.

The main character, Harry Turner, moves to a quiet town of Isles End in hope to be away from everyone after a terrible tragedy that took the lives of his parents and fiancée. Yet meeting an angel called Narcissus and Miss Beth Fairbanks changes Harry’s life forever.

The dark forces lurking near the town of Isles End are not so happy about the angel’s appearance and Harry and Beth being together. Harry is not just any man. He’s special in many ways, but which ones you’ll have to find out yourselves. I especially enjoyed the supernatural elements -- the demons plotting against the main character and his guardian angel Narcissus -- as well as Harry and Beth’s interaction that was filled with trust, warmth and mutual desire to be with each other, in spite of everything.

I loved the exquisiteness of Mr. White’s descriptions combined with well-written dialogues. ***SPOILER ALERT*** Here is an excerpt I simply adore, the moment Harry Turner meets Narcissus for the first time. Beautifully written:
“An intoxicating odor enveloped him, with an instant calming effect which relaxed his whole body. The fear that welled up was accompanied by a wonder that seemed to subdue the sudden horror he felt. He had the faint passing notion he should be terrified, but instead felt as though he were in a dream and could only watch as it unfolded before him. Still, even under this spell, he thought he might become sick with this unusual mixture of fear and wonder.” ***SPOILER ALERT***

The final part of the book made me want for more. Just well done, Mr. White! A 6-star book! I look forward to the next book by this author!

Fontaine wrote 67 days ago

Narcissus.
Good first chapter setting the scene and some back story and showing us the kind of man your MC is. He’s a sympathetic character and I wanted to find out more about him and his past.
Chapter 2.
The contents of the chest revealed and the introduction of the Seraph. Well written and the scene worked well for me.
Nitpick.
He lifted Harry up and carried him out to the truck, seemingly sensitive to the fact that the man was exhausted. After setting Harry into the passenger seat and closing the door, the strange visitor returned to the basement, turned off the light and returned with the chest…
Harry has just collapsed so is it necessary to say that the Seraph is ‘seemingly sensitive t the fact that the man was exhausted. That’s why he picked him up. Also repetition of ‘returned’ in the sentence, together with ‘turned’.
He lifted Harry up and carried him out to the truck, seemingly sensitive to the fact that the man was exhausted. After setting Harry into the passenger seat and closing the door, the strange visitor returned to the basement, switched off the light and came back with the chest…
Chapter 3
I like ‘a minimum wage nurse who forgets he’s left you strapped to the toilet seat.’
I like the way he ponders on things, wondering if this weird event is the result of his terrible bereavement. This seems very natural to me.
Very good chapter. You seem to have got into your stride and the writing flows well. I’m suspicious of Reece!
I’ll read on.

MC Storm wrote 71 days ago

I"ve read the first two chapters and must say it really kept my interest. Your last line is chapter 1 is a real hook and made me read on! I found Harry to be down to earth and real. The dialogue throughout flows effortlessly.
I am certainly no expert, this is simply my own observation/opinion. Two minor things did catch me off guard.:
The paragraph mid way through Ch 1 Harry sipped his coffee... The word 'but appears three times in that paragraph.
, but letting go...
, but just because....
,(comma missing) but he commited himself....
Also when the two photos fall on his lap. It's been a year since Jenn. Perhaps it's just me, but you would think flipping the visor the pictures would have fallen much sooner. Maybe mention a pouch attached to the visor fell and as he picked it up the pictures fell out.
Overall, well done!
I have given this high stars and want to come back to read more.
MC
Exposed

Neville wrote 78 days ago

ISLES END.
By J. H. F. White.


Your book starts off with a lot of interest for the reader...A burned out Victorian Villa that used to be a beautiful place before the fire...now a charred mess of tangled up artefacts.
The M/C Harry Turner, still getting over his own loss confronts the scene as two workers he’s set on arrive.
Good description here as the three set up to work, even down to Butch’s heavy eyebrow.
I was very interested to know what was in the large trunk but you keep us hanging on with the skill of a true thriller writer.
When Harry does open it we are compelled to read the next chapter...nicely done...a real hook.
The book has a lot going for it, suspense, danger and the need to know more, it can’t get better than this.
The arrival of Reece Orchard and the sudden loss of weight in the trunk caught me off guard; I had expected it to be full of valuable things...I was very wrong.
The arrival of Narcissus in spiritual form eerily turns the story around.
Your description is vivid and makes for a powerful read.
Five stars and BACKED!.
Well done!!

Kind regards,

Neville.
One Off,Sir!
The Secrets of the Forest (Series) – Cosmos 501.
The Secrets of the Forest (Series) – The Time Zone.

Le Truc wrote 80 days ago

Started reading this - awesome work - keep it up!

G.W. 2012 wrote 85 days ago

Chapter one--your writing is flawless. There are no noticeable errors, and I have no suggestions for improvement. You do a fine job building the anticipation with the chest, and you end the chapter on a curious note, leaving readers wanting to know more. Well done.

Chapter two--ah, the voice did not come from within the chest as one may have expected. Your description of Narcissus is perfection. I am intrigued! Highly starred and shelved--why not. Will be back for more ;) Geneva

Cherry G. wrote 96 days ago

Chapters 1 to 4

The town seems so ordinary at the start but then you increase the tension and anticipation at the end of the first chapter by the discovery of the chest. Then cones the voice...what a page turner!
Good introduction to Harry. He feels well-rounded and down to earth in character, yet his loneliness is clear. Reese is mysterious: I'm not really sure about him yet! Beth has added a touch of romance in Harry's otherwise lonely life. The work that Preston describes has the potential to be sinister. All enough to keep the reader hooked.
Then there is Narcissus! His appearance is well described, with Harry not able to talk at first and then not sure if he's dreaming or going mad. (Talking about going mad, in Chapter 3 you have "straight jacket". I think it should be "strait jacket".)
Harry's dream of being a child and seeing the monster under the bridge is also mysterious. I've a feeling this dream is significant and in some way related to Narcissus' arrival.
An intriguing plot and some well-developed characters, I'm giving your book a high star rating.
Cherry
The Girl from Ithaca

Tlank wrote 99 days ago

Just read Chapter one. It is all very polished & interesting. I can't wait to see what is in that box. Last summer I moved my children's swing set and we hit something under the ground…the kids where ecstatic to see what treasure was there. Turned out to be a steel septic tank form the 50s. Anyhow, having done extensive construction work, I want and explanation for the hand clean out. Why wouldn't they just raze the property (big machinery) and start over. But I am sure most readers wont care.
The only other thing was, (pieces of eight. At first I thought 2 fours four 2s) Is this a common term everyone knows? If you had Butch ask what it was I wouldn't have had to goggle it. Anyway, I learned a new word..or not.
I'm looking forward to reading the rest of you book.

Aba Bairéid wrote 100 days ago

Joe,

I've read the first three chapters. I plan to read more when I get the chance. I suppose that's the best kind of endorsement there is. The story unravels at a clever pace - not too much too soon. The characters are well envisaged and perfectly molded, i.e. they seem real. The writing has a richness and balance to it that captures the attention. In fact, in this respect, I'd like to give special mention to the scene where Narcissus first appears. This passage is beautifully written; I enjoyed the use of language every bit as much as the copious detail.
Ultimately, the litmus test for this novel is whether the reader cares about Harry or not, whether the reader wants to follow Harry on his journey. Joe, you've succeeded.
I see that Isles End is doing very well on this website. Congratulations. Once I've finishes fulfilling a few promises elsewhere, I'll be putting it on my bookshelf.

Aba.

nautaV wrote 100 days ago

Hi Joe,
I'm here again with Ch.36.
The scene of temptation is very strong. Psychologically it's quite understandable that he reader associates himself with the protagonist. That's why it was no one but me who was tempted by Abraham Dante and it was me who rejected that slippery path!

The highest stars again (don't know if re-rating can do any help) and my deepest respect, dear Joe!

Val

doriherndon wrote 101 days ago

I've read the first five chapters and I wanted to give you my first impression. It is very well written. My complaint would be too much description and details that don't seem very interesting or important. I know some people like a lot of good details and character building pages, but I'm more interested in just getting back to the story than knowing the scenary and back ground and such. So, that's just me and my ADHD. You have a good eye for details.

gingerknucklehairs wrote 102 days ago

I have to say that the pitch is really intriguing, but sadly I've never got that far before even though I've seen this cover hundreds of times on here. The cover hasn't just failed to draw me to the book; it has turned me away from it. I'd never even read the short pitch. I'm only pointing this out because it may have the same effect on others searching for something to read. (My own cover is shit, I know, I have to sort it).
Reading the pitch had a completely different effect. It really made me want to read the book. Good work.
I've read the first four chapters so far. Each of them are intriguing bringing more mystery and all ending with a page turner.
I usually find typos or distractions and note them down, but nothing stood out to me.
I read with enjoyment and will read more of this. I only stopped and commented because it's complete and will take me a while to get through.
I will comment again when I've read it all. High starred and it will be going on my shelf shortly. I have a bit of a backlog, but like to give books worthy shelf time.
Take care, Jes.

nautaV wrote 105 days ago

Hi Joe,
How nice it is to read a book where every bit of narration is within its main stream, is subdued the main idea, where there's no annoying filler stuff, where the auxiliary flows strengthen the main one, feeding the reader's imagination with, say, interesting speculations about clones...
Wonderfully written, dear Joe!
Valentine

Ron Mitchell wrote 125 days ago

I thoroughly enjoyed your story and writing style. It is easy to follow, and yet there is a depth that draws the reader to more than just a fluff story. Best of luck with your book. I appreciate your support of December Gold.

Ron Mitchell wrote 125 days ago

I thoroughly enjoyed your story and writing style. It is easy to follow, and yet there is a depth that draws the reader to more than just a fluff story. Best of luck with your book. I appreciate your support of December Gold.

Ron Mitchell wrote 125 days ago

I thoroughly enjoyed your story and writing style. It is easy to follow, and yet there is a depth that draws the reader to more than just a fluff story. Best of luck with your book. I appreciate your support of December Gold.

Sara Stinson wrote 142 days ago

Isles End
J. H. F. White
I have no advice, but I can say you write a great story and I have enjoyed reading! Keep up the great work and hope to see you at the desk soon!
Sara

Seringapatam wrote 142 days ago

I have to agree....This is a class act and so well written. The standard is so high that I can only score this big. a fantastic flow that makes me want to read all night. Well done.

Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or Watch List wont you? Happy New year, Sean.

CATHERINE SHAW wrote 164 days ago

Lovely opening and then the momentum flows nicely in the second chapter. Beautifully written. Top stars!!

Vikko wrote 164 days ago

Hello Mr. White. I just started reading your work. I love the flow in your style. As I was reading I was subconsciously comparing your style to Tom Clancy (who is acknowedgedly a different kind of write but I like how he carries the reader into the plot and characters). The only suggestion I would give would be to use more active verbs, adjectives and adverbs that have a more visceral, gut wrenching quality of emotion to pull the reader into the minds and hearts of the characters and the plot.
I will keep reading. You are very talented.
Please review my work as well and please respond.
Your friend in prose,
Vicki

Jay O'Maille wrote 168 days ago

In chapter 2, your introduction of Narcissus is masterful in it's description. When you said the voice was fluid and calming like moving water, I already unimagined it as such. Really good writing here.

Okay, so I just finished the second chapter. I have to say, it's excellent. Comparatively, the first chapter is a little slow. But the second chapter really picks up. I can feel the story gaining momentum here. Whereas I had a little criticism for the first chapter, I honestly don't have any criticism for the second chapter. As far as I can tell, for what you're doing here, it's flawless. It flows incredibly well, it stays consistently engaging, and consistently interesting.

This is really good work! So much so, I'm giving you the highest rating and putting you on my bookshelf. I really hope to see this cross the editor's desk, because I think it's that good. If you wouldn't mind giving mine a look, I'd much appreciate it! I trust if you like it perhaps you'll rate it and shelf it as well. Thanks so much!

Best of wishes, your bearded friend,

Jay O'Maille - The Geldings of Eidolon

Jay O'Maille wrote 168 days ago

Hello Mr. White! I have read some of your book as promised and thought I would share some of my thoughts:

"Self-confidence had not always been a concern when it came to women..."

Wouldn't it be easier to say "wasn't always a concern" rather than "had not always been a concern"?  At the very least, I think it would be more fluid to say it that way since there are less syllables.

"Now that they cleared a path to the baby grand, it was a simple matter of getting the thing onto a wheeled platform and rolling it out."

Wouldn't it be easier to say, "After clearing a path to the baby grand, it was a simple matter of getting the thing on to a wheeled platform and rolling it out"?

It's my understanding that writers should be sparing with the use of "that" and "had".

For the record, I'm only nitpicking because I figure I owe you some form of criticism. However, the narrative flows easily, it's very descriptive, which I like, but not everyone is going to enjoy how descriptive it is. I know this because you and I have a certain level of detail in common, and I have sometimes received the criticism that I am too descriptive. I think it's a matter of taste. You obviously mean for it to be as descriptive as it is. So, to try to make it less descriptive would be to take away from what you're trying to do.

However, if you were to correct some of the things I mentioned above you may make it easier on people with less patience and shorter attention spans.

Also, what an excellent way to end the first chapter! It pushes me on to read the second chapter. Now I have to know what exactly this voice in the chest is. Who is the owner? And so on. I am now going to continue to the second chapter. For the record, I usually only read one chapter of any of the books on authonomy. As far as I'm concerned, that's a good sign. Your book has grabbed me...

singfam wrote 170 days ago

WOW! K. I have to go to bed, but this is awesome. ! YOU, my friend, are a writer. I would pay money to take a class from you. No, I don't say that to everyone. I have actually only found one other like you on this web site. Not only is your writing naturally gifted, but your story is fascinating, captivating, endearing, curious, engaging, and just all around - hard to get up and leave, even for sleep. You lead us to Harry and he has quickly become my friend. I want to be there with him and for him. I will be back to read some more tomorrow, just for fun now.

I cant help you with any kind of advice. You need none. Instead, I will almost be embarrassed to have you read my book, even though, any critiques you might have for me would be highly valued in my book. So I really hope you do get a chance to help me.
6 stars and shelving as soon as I give this one book a few more days of support.
really something! This is what good writing looks like! I wish I could get this!

Jeannette Singleton
Journey to Kalado're

nautaV wrote 170 days ago

Dear Joe, I've read five chapters and scanned your book to the very end. Your thriller is really great. I like every word of it. All your characters - not only main ones - are painted masterly, the scenes are well developed and bright, the dialogues are live and every character has its own quite recognizable voice.The pace of narration is very active. You never get bored, never have a wish to lay the book aside. Moreover, due to the hooks at the chapter bottoms, it's very hard to stop, I'd admit.

From the very beginning I like the way you you are revealing the theme - no hurry , step by step, making it possible for the intrigued reader to run a bit ahead. The way you tell us about Harry's loss - not in one piece but step by step, as if preparing the reader to show him all the depth of the gaping well of Harry's grief - is very effective. I can't but admit the lovely scene where Harry meets Beth - the birth of tender love is depicted excellently. Reading this book you enter the intersecting worlds of visions and reality, meet such unusual creatures as Narcissus, Rachael Sapphire - Scratch and Abraham Dante - Abaddon, get to know about Aunty Em's mystery, take part in the final battle when the demons flee away. Epilogue of a Dream makes the whole narration complete and crowned.

All possible stars and be backed in a week !

My sincere congratulations and thanks again for the opportunity to read your wonderful book, dear Joe!

Valentine But
Escape

evermoore wrote 173 days ago

Joe, Joe, Joe...((Squeeze)) I was tossed around like Harry and Beth were when in that water, but felt just as saved as they. This is a book that casts no doubt to the power of God...and you've shared it with readers in a way that will be vividly remembered. Your creative mind conjured up so much more than I can fathom...but thanks to you, it will not leave my thoughts anytime soon. Thank you, my friend, for posting it in its entirety. Such a gift. Such a talent. Such an amazing body of work.
God is smiling...
Linda

evermoore wrote 173 days ago

Well...I have no words! For once!

Okay..here's a few. I felt like I was there...in the midst of the battle between Harry, Beth and evil...and then when Narcissus arrived, my heart tripped. I felt it! And oh...his quiet calm in the face of such rage...and their being bested just that quickly!

Amaaaaaaaazing gift you have. I'm telling you...this book demands more than publishing. I see it on a large screen...though, I don't know how they'd capture it all and do your work justice.

I don't dare ask for more...then again...(winks)

evermoore wrote 174 days ago

Alllllll those things I was going to get done today, didn't. I did however finish your book...well, all that is posted. I don't do spooky..but oh, parts of that had my heart pounding as I peeked through my closed eyes to find out what happened next. And nowwwwww I have a vision of Rachel with her twisted smile looking up at the devvvvvvvvil who smirks there watching and waiting!
That aside, you are truly gifted. Your ability to create something that contemporary, with the twists and turns that I know..(Yes..I absolutely know!)...will end with the power of God claiming victory, just blows me away. You should have movie producers lining up at your door. It would be a blockbuster!
(Hugs) Linda

evermoore wrote 174 days ago

Oh...I absolutely love this! I clicked you in the forum and feel like I won something! (grins) I've read the first four chapters and know how I'll be spending tonight. Just needed to tell you your imagination has sure stirred mine and I can't wait to see how this all unfolds.
God bless..
Linda

Andrea Taylor wrote 180 days ago

This is a really interesting story (so far). It's easily written (I mean it sounds effortless, which is a compliment!) and although the start was 'nondescript' (no drama to hook me in) still I kept reading. In my view that says it all. I base all my judgements on firstly whether it flows and is easy to read (you passed!) and secondly, if I picked it up in a book store, whether I would put it down or buy it. I'd buy it.
Just reshuffled my bookshelf so its on my watch list for next week so I can put it up then.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

PattiTain wrote 181 days ago

I have a paperback of Isles End and now it's on my kindle fire. Got it on kindle for free. Thanks! I've finished reading it and have to say there are so many great parts to this story. I love the way the demons think and sceme with each other. I love the scene with the gate made of beings and then swimming with the angels in the pool of living water!!! Just SO fun. Also, the visit to the city was creepy, but total page turning. The guy with the bloody shirt! The burning stone door! The "homeless" guy! So many little mysteries. So many clues I didn't catch until later. So many "ah-ha moments. Amazing how everything came together in the end! Somewhere on here I read someone sais the end is ravishing. It is! I actually had tears.
PT

Samuel Z Jones wrote 186 days ago

Within the first paragraph, this stands out from the crowd. The opening line is an excellent hook; straight into the story.

Your prose is smooth and assured, the story cracks along at a fast pace right from the outset. I have to say, I'm uncommonly impressed.

there's nothing here to criticise, but I have two suggestions which are essentially the same thing: your written Voice could carry more of your personality. Likewise, the dialogue could express more nuance and personality to the individual characters; of the two, this is the area I'd look at in this piece. The narrative Voice is there, and I'd be wary of over-working a piece that's already been extensively edited.

I knew, however, by the first paragraph, that this was a book I'm happy to back.

Blancherose wrote 188 days ago

I read you awhile back, for some reason everyone who backed my book or put it up on on their watch list disappeared when i did some rearranging. Hope you will reconsider if you have not already. LOv ROz

Sneaky Long wrote 189 days ago

Hi Narcissus,

Couldn't figure out where your name came from until I started reading your book. It is an enjoyable and easy read. I can find no fault with your style and the flow of your story. I'm not quite sure where we are going as I only read the first three chapters. But I have met some interesting characters, including Reese, Narcissus and our hero Harry.

You tell your story well and I am anxious to find out more about Narcissus. Is he a good guy or a bad guy? Is he a guy at all or only an apparition?

Thanks for the read, I shall return. High stars and watch list. Will get you on my shelf.

Sneaky

evermoore wrote 192 days ago

Well...one chapter and I'm already rating it high. I loved the premise and that first chapter has me drawn in. I look forward to reading the rest as time allows, and thank you for the gift of this.

Linda
Daniel Simmons Journey
and
Children Walking with Jesus

Narcissus wrote 192 days ago

Hi Keiran,
I've had many comments given already as you can see. Mostly positive. Honestly, I would never dream of rewriting my novel based on one persons personal ideas of how a book should be written. I'm pretty familiar with the "rules" some folks have, and I disagree with many of them anyway. They are often "new school" rules and only apply to those who want to follow them. If they were mandatory, we would throw away a lot of famous classic books. I realize there are trends over time with what is "acceptable" with writing styles. But I don't follow those rules, for example, regarding how much "back story" is permissible early on in the story.
As you already know, my book is already edited and published, therefore, I'm not here to get help with editing but rather, hoping to get a review from H/C.
In response, here are some of my thoughts to your criticisms.
Chapter 1:
* After lots of editing regarding back story, a professional editor felt the flow was great and the inserts of back story was good.
* I talked at length with my professional editor regarding the description of the main character as he sits in his truck. We are both happy with it and believe it works.
* "They worked vigorously". Yes, very "minor point". You claim professional workers work at a steady pace taking their time. Well, I have been a professional contractor for years and I know personally how men work on the job. There are no "rules" here, Keiran. Crews work as their superintendant requires or guides them. I have worked at a steady pace....then, I have also worked vigorously.
* Regarding the damage from the fire, not a "lucky guess". As I stated, I'm a contractor. I've been in the trades for 34 years.
* Regarding the "Hello there". You say at first you thought this came from the trunk. EXACTLY! That is the intention!
Chapter 2:
* You were puzzled. Glad to hear it as this is intentional!
Chapter 3:
* I politely disagree. When I am relaxed, my muscles are relaxed and I have energy and will "hop" out of bed, VS when I'm not relaxed, muscles sore, tight, etc., I must ease out of bed.
* Regarding a "constant" stream. Point taken.
* My developmental editor likes that Reese Orchard orders Harry's lunch. She believes it creates some suspicion or at least curiosity about Mr. Orchard.
Chapter 4:
* " Harry would try to find out if Beth had a boyfriend..." Well, many men would not bother, but in this case, Harry is responding to what Beth's co-worker shared so he didn't really need to inquire at this point as Beth's actions have already made the "first move".
* Typos. Yes, there may be a few in this manuscript. The newest copy is available on amazon. I refrained from uploading the newest and cleaner manuscript here, as I've heard that one can lose their supporters in a "glitch" when uploading lots of chapters.
Chapter 5:
* Regarding the phone call, and dating. You assume all men know all the "dating rules". Harry does what he does. It's explained. If you just don't like it, that's fine, but here again, there are no rules.
* Regarding the conversation. That it went too long is your opinion. As I've has scores of positive comments regarding the conversations in this chapter, I feel inclined to leave it as it is.
Chapter 6:
* Basically disagree with all your comments here. One thing I'll say is that the garden scene is "creative license". Even my own personal views do not correlate with the description of the garden.
Chapter 7:
* Regarding the "dark veil". It's meant to be vague.
* Yes, every man is unique. It can also be said that some men are unique above others. Too many in history to begin to name.... In this case, as the reader discovers later in the book, Harry IS unique, but not in a way that will affect his pride. He happens to fit the description of (see new testament) Roman 2:14.
* In my opinion, it is not a parable when Christ uses personal names. With that said, I am mimicking this NT passage where the rich man shows concern for his family. There is regret, instantly, Maybe even weeping and gnashing of teeth, as one makes the transition into that final dark place.
* Again, "creative license".
* 'Your character' might faint. Mine does not, especially while in the supernatural.
* Regarding mercy. There is more in the story which covers mercy and grace.
Thanks for taking the time!
~Joe

Keiran Proffer wrote 192 days ago

Joe,
I’ve read the first 7 chapters and have comments below. Pardon me if I’ve gone over the top with criticism, but you are welcome to do the same to me.
Keiran Proffer
The Earthly City

Chap 1:
1. Too may details interrupting the flow of the narrative. It is better to tell the reader about Harry's past life in small snippets, or if you want to give a paragraph or two, then wait until we have got to know him better and there is a natural pause in the action. When he gets home from the day's work, for example.
2. Also you do not need to describe your hero at the start of a book, or even at all! It breaks the flow of the narrative. If you want, describe him when he looks in a mirror (as you do) but make it last thing at night, or next morning while he shaves.
2. "They worked vigorously"? Minor point but professional workers work at a steady pace, taking their time. Especially over meals! - a bit later.
3. When the other 2 men leave, the dark thoughts come creeping in. See Point 1 above. This is much better. We have had the action, and there is now a break, at which point Harry would start remembering. Move the bits about Jenny to here.
4. "the rest[of the damage] was from the water it had taken to put the fire out". Nice point. Are you aware that this is normally the case, or was it just a lucky guess?
5. "Hello there". I thought at first this meant the voice came from inside the trunk. Could you say something like "Harry went stiff with shock and dropped the lid. A voice close behind him had said 'hello there'"?

Chap 2:
1. "The fear that welled up". Not clear here: the odor was calming but then fear welled up. Explain. Correction: you do explain a bit later, but at first I was puzzled.

Chap 3:
1. If Harry is relaxed he would slide out of bed not "hop".
2. "a constant stream of fresh water" Take out "constant"; it adds nothing. General rule: beware unnecessary adjectives.
3. It would be unheard of, at least in England, to order lunch for someone without asking them first. Even for a close relative, and especially not for a business lunch.

Chap 4:
1. Harry would try to find out if Beth had a boyfriend first before asking to get to know her.
2. Typos: A few times you indent the line with extra spaces. E.g. "Sure thing," Harry replied.

Chap 5:
1. After not going out with a girl for a year at least , Harry would be more nervous about phoning her next day. Also anyone with experience of dating should know you mustn't appear too forward. (As she says). He would leave it for a day, or more realistically, for when he next visits ABC.
2. And the conversation went on too long!

Chap 6
1. Harry seeing his body would have said “I’m have an out-of-the-body experience!” or “Is this astral projection?”, not just “Strange”!
2. Sped off like radio waves? How do you know? What does it feel like to move like a radio wave? Another image would be better.
3. Beware archaic speech unless you know exactly what you are doing and check it carefully! "Oh beautiful tree..." Eve says "you" or "your" three times, then suddenly switches to "thee".
4. "Did this really happen?" "Just as you saw it". No, that really should come out. You do not know what really happened, or even if there was a garden. A lot of wise men have said that the "garden" was just a symbol of being at peace with nature, and there was no physical garden at all.
5. At the end your theology is shaky. Being deceived and allowing oneself to be deceived are 2 different things. In the first you may be oblivious, in the second you are not.
6. If anyone would have acted as Eve did, then God would not have blamed her. She was not oblivious: she knew all the time she was doing wrong, but allowed herself to be swayed by the Devil.

Chap 7:
1. Watch the adjectives again. Compare “Very attractive, with stone columns, wooden deck, and old-fashioned benches…” with your sentence.
2. I get the image of the small creature growing out of the woman's back, and of course the angel behind the other woman, but I do not understand the dark veil round the banker. Some hint please!
3. Unlikely, no impossible, that Harry would not have attracted the attention of spirits! The devil wants damnation for all of mankind!
4. Unlikely (in my view) that an angel, particularly a Seraph, would tell any man he is unique. Angels know our pride and how dangerous it is to flatter us. Also, come to think of it, every man is unique.
5. A man sent to hell (or Gehenna) would have lost all love; he would not think of warning his family. Christ's parable about the rich man and Lazarus was only a parable.
6. In your Gehenna the man does not want to go there. In Dante's hell the damned cannot wait to get across the river. See John 3:20. The man has chosen that path, and would not turn away.
7. Narcissus "considered the expression on Harry's face." Personally I think Harry would have fainted at this point.
8. Your comments on choice and justice included no mention of mercy, or of Christ, though you did hint when you said "no one to stand in for you". I think the damned man knew all along where you choice was leading, but would not admit it.

CARite wrote 196 days ago

Isles End - Wow...celestial with a dose of dread,tension of impending doom and a bit of mystery tossed in to tantalize...keep going...I read the whole thing and want to find out how Harry will get through all this.... Wel developed story line
Cindy
CADreiliing - The Line - Beginnings

KMac23 wrote 200 days ago

This spiritual thriller had a sense of mystery just beyond grasp. I was drawn into the story and wanted to see what would happen with Narcissus and then later, the girl, Beth. I felt connected to Harry, and felt his loss. I was interested to see where you were taking this, with Eve in the garden and talk of choices and temptations. I like your themes woven into this, good and evil, death and life, light and darkness. There was an underlying current of these throughout the story. Harry gets to take a look at the spiritual realms and actions taking place behind the scenes. He sees what the consequences of people’s choices are. Isles End read a little like, His Present Darkness, and yet had a flavor of it’s own.

Harry had to learn to let go and love again and to trust. He so feared being hurt again and suffering more loss. Rachel is an interesting factor, and the fact that her and Abbadon teaming up, makes it doubly so.

I might want some of those telling parts put into action or dialogue, as I found when I got to them, I began to skim to get back to the faster parts. I like your scenes, as they are detailed, and I can picture the places. I think this is a thought provoking read. I wish you the best with this!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Blancherose wrote 200 days ago

JHF, I like the narration in this book, it is easy to follow. How clever of you to use a Seraphin for your mystery person, being or what ever you want to call it, him... you know. Anyone who reads the Old Testament has to ask themselves what is that! Makes for a good read and you have a page turner, high stars.

Roslyn
"I Am" Through the Ages, for your seeking heart
Scribe-Lings, for your child like heart

Jaclyn Aurore wrote 202 days ago

Damn you Narcissus for introducing my to your bloody addictive story... I imagine you would have sooner if you weren't locked in a chest... well, it's good to see you out my friend... I shall read more soon, if i remember ;-)

high stars for now,
Jaclyn x
My Life Without Me

Jennwith2ns wrote 256 days ago

I like the pitch and he premise of this story, and the characters have promise. I happened to read the comment before mine, and I agree with the suggestion to thin out and intersperse Harry's internal musings. I'd also recommend watching for cliches in your descriptions. On the other hand, I can vividly see what you're describing in my mind's eye, so that's a good thing.

I do think this book has promise, so I have starred it highly. All the best!

Jenn
Favored One

nightskyfantasy wrote 284 days ago

(This is a couple days late, I apologize.)

I like the summary and title - they promise adventure. This grieving main character, Harry, is a good, strong character.

One thing I didn't like was that you dumped a lot of internalization in this first chapter. You have two or three paragraphs bunched together at a time that are purely comprised of his thoughts and memories. While thoughts on their own are healthy for a story, you've written them bunched together in a way that takes away from the main story and action. Instead, try editing most of that information out, and just thread them between the dialogue and the action, one sentence at a time. It's like long strings of "told" description in a novel; it overwhelms or bores the reader if left in large chunks like this.

For example, near the top, he fixes his mirror and goes into this two paragraph trail, thinking of how he looks and then remembering this Jennifer. While I frown on using a mirror to describe your main character - it's somewhat cliche - what I really focused on was this information on Jennifer. Instead of paragraphs of thought dedicated to her, just use one line, here and there. It's the first chapter; readers will learn more about her as they go.

Overall, without the extra information, it'd be a good read. I'm sorry, I couldn't get past that, but I do think it has potential. This is my opinion, so you don't have to act on it; but this is my honest opinion of your book. I hope it helps in some way.

Peace and snowflakes,
Nightskyfantasy

Abby Vandiver wrote 285 days ago

"Hello there!" Very good. As you know, your book is very good. I really enjoyed it and I'll look for it on Amazon. You write with words that flow, making it easy for the reader to take in and become part of the book. Bravo! I love ghost stories, or whatever he turns out to be. Good job!

Cool1 wrote 294 days ago

I had the chance to read the first two chapters of Isles End and found it to be an interesting story. Chapters end with an invite to read on. I am full on both WL and Watch, but will have a space soon for your book.
Cool1
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