Proverbs 17:22 “… a broken spirit saps a person’s strength.”
Another week went by, and I had been pestered by dreams and poor sleep. I’m the type of girl who enjoys a solid nights rest. Give me eight hours or give me death!
But circumstances were looking dim. I had launched my website and had a few visitors to the site, but nobody contacted me to obtain my very valuable services. I bought online ads with all the major search engines, but no one clicked on them. I joined every online networking site I could find, trying to make connections with little success. The balance in my bank account was beginning to sink faster than the Titanic.
The brownies had long since been eaten and were replaced by a chocolate cake. I didn’t give thanks over the cake; I just didn’t have it in me. Any spark of gratitude I could whip up went to Betty Crocker and her affordable cake mixes.
I went to church again, but there was no follow up message explaining what was going on in my life. No lightning bolt from heaven, no more little voice giving me strange advice. No supernatural Goosebumps of awareness signaling that God cared. I realized that I could probably talk with one of the pastors, but I didn’t. I reverted back to that shy, introverted child who just wanted everything to be alright. I hid on the back pew, like my cat hides in the closet, hoping all the threats in my life would just go away on their own. And when the service was over I was the first one out the door.
There was a perk in all of this, I had a lot of spare time on my hands and I began to watch TV.