Book Jacket

 

rank 1141
word count 249721
date submitted 28.03.2011
date updated 29.04.2012
genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Romance
classification: universal
complete

If Only Tonight

Andene

Mia has no idea what she's in for when she gets a job working with her favorite player...Matthew...

 

Mia has no idea what she's in for when she lands her dream job working as a sports injury specialist. She's thrilled when she finds out she'll be working with her favorite player: Matthew Rossi. Her happiness is shattered when it turns out that Matt hates her from the moment they meet. He goes all out to make sure Mia quits.

Matt knows one thing for sure: Mia doesn't belong with him. No matter what he feels towards her, he's not right for her. He tries to push her away but there is something keeps drawing him to her.

Together all they know is that there must be a way for them to be together. Love is worth it...right?

 
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tags

brampton, canada, cars, england, football, london, matthew, mia, nathaniel, oliver, romance, soccer

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Chapters

61

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Chapter 59 - Wish You Were Here

Chapter Fifty Nine: Wish You Were Here

 

Waiting for her luggage, Mia was amused at how little Pearson Airport had changed. The same conveyor belt carried pieces of luggage just as it had when she had left for England to study. Each suitcase dropping from a chute in the ceiling and landing on the metallic belt. Unlike Gatwick, the luggage didn't come up from a slot in the center of the conveyor belt and slide down, something which always made Mia very cautious of what she packed, fearing that if it was anything to delicate it would break once she landed home. Finally seeing her suitcase land, Mia pulled it off the belt, before checking to see if she had her carry on duffle bag with her.

 

Walking down the arrivals entrance, Mia searched the crowd for a familiar face.

 

“Over here, Mia!”

 

Looking up, Mia saw a few hands motioning her over.

 

“Hi guys! Wow...you've all changed?” Mia greeted her cousins.

 

The three girls were all around her own age, each sporting a glittering ring on their left hand. Elena with deep red hair and blue eyes was a year older than Mia, while Mikayla and Juliana were both two years younger than her, and had long jet black hair with honey brown eyes. Part of the change Mia was referring to was that Juliana had dyed her hair blonde, while Mikayla had cut her long hair in a pixie cut, drastically changing her looks. Another change was the man holding on to Juliana's hand.

 

“Who's this?” She asked, surprised.

 

“I think Uncle Chris forgot to tell you that I got married this summer...” Juliana told her sheepishly.

 

“Yes he did...” Mia muttered darkly, she hated being caught unaware.

 

“Mia, this is Henry.” The girl introduced them. “Henry, this is my second oldest cousin Mia. She's younger than Elena by like a year.”

 

Mia shook Henry's hand. The guy seemed intimidated by her. I wonder why? She thought. What have they told him?

 

“So why didn't any of you call me to tell me you're all engaged, and that she's married?” Mia asked, a little annoyed. Some family they are! She thought a little bit hurt.

 

“It was an accident. We forgot to tell Mom's Aunt Eunice too. She's all the way in Switzerland and you're living across the pond, Mia.” Mikayla shrugged.

 

“I love how you guys think that's an excuse.” Mia gritted her teeth, as they started to walk out of the terminal with her bag.

 

“Sorry Mia.”

 

“That's alright.”

 

Outside, Mia was surprised to see who was standing by the van.

 

“Dad!”

 

“Hello sweetheart!” He said, coming over and giving her a tight hug.

 

“How was your flight?” He asked.

 

“It was fine. You never told me they all got engaged and Jules is married?!”

 

Her father winced.

 

“I forgot.”

 

Typical, she thought, keeping a hold on her cheerful facade. Nothing was going to ruin this trip for her, Mia told herself adamantly.

 

Putting her things in the trunk Mia sat in the back with her cousins, while Henry got stuck sitting with her father in front.

 

“That's so pretty, Mia!” Mikayla motioned towards her neck. “Where did you get it?”

 

Feeling her neck, she found what the girl was pointing too. The glittering bronze heart Matthew had given to her last Christmas. She always wore it, with the exceptions of showers and some charity events, she couldn't bear to part with it. Thinking about it made her miss Matthew. I wonder what he's up to? She found herself thinking.

 

“Thanks. My friend gave it to me last Christmas.” She told the girls. Before we became friends, she silently added.

 

As her cousins asked her about how her life was going these days, she couldn't believe she missed him already, along with his cousins, Nathaniel, Oliver and Ariana. It was so weird to be apart from them. Everyday, she would see them and now for the next two weeks she would be out of the loop. Make sure you enjoy your trip! Lina had told her as she hugged Mia goodbye.

 

“So Mia what are you doing for Christmas?” Juliana's question snapped her out of her thoughts.

 

“I'm spending it with the team.”

 

“What does that mean?” Mikayla questioned.

 

“Well since our team, London FC, has a soccer match on Boxing Day; me and the other doctors and personnel will be watching the guys during their training on Christmas Day.” She explained to them.

 

“You work with so many guys, why haven't you found one?” Elena whispered low enough for only her to hear.

 

Mia stepped on her foot.

 

“Oww...what was that for?” Elena grimaced.

 

“For asking that.” Mia glared at her, nodding her head at the others around them.

 

“Fine...you're going to have to tell me everything when we get to the apartment.” Elena told her pointedly.

 

“Fine then you’re going to help me catch up on all that I missed.”

 

Once at the apartment, Mia and Elena brought her stuff up. Having bid farewell to her father and the others, Mia was a little glad that she had some time in relative peace.

 

“You travel light.” Elena commented, as she dragged the bag in to the second room of her apartment.

 

“Yea...I learned bringing you guys stuff from England for Christmas was a stupid move after the year before last.” Mia said snidely.

 

“What! What are you talking about?” Elena looked surprised.

 

“Mikayla and Jules complained about how they had collected all the souvenirs they could from my presents. So last year when I was with my friend in Australia, I sent them gifts from there.”

 

Her older cousin laughed as she heard this.

 

“You let them run you.” Elena told her.

 

Mia shrugged.

 

“Okay, so tell me. I'm gone for about a year and you're all engaged?” She asked the older girl.

 

“A year is a pretty long time, Mia.”

 

“Not long enough to get engaged and married.” Mia retorted. “So who are the lucky guys?”

 

“Well, you've already met Henry. He and Jules met last summer at some summer camp where they were both counsellors for teens. He's a guidance councillor at North Park Secondary, and he proposed on New Year's. She said yes, and they got married in July, at Bellagio. It was small, pretty much just family and some of their friends.” Elena started, giving her a run down on Juliana's nuptials.

 

“So what's he like? And why does he look scared of me?” Mia asked, as she started to hang her clothes.

 

“He's sweet. I think he's just a little bit star struck. Your dad told him how you worked with these great soccer players. That's all.”

 

“Interesting. So what's the story with Mikayla?” Mia asked, as she stuck the clothes in the empty closet.

 

“She was going out with Troy since high school remember?”

 

“Yea...you're not serious are you?” She asked, snidely. Elena laughed upon seeing the look on her face.

 

“It was sweet, Mia. They've been together so long. It was natural for them to get engaged.”

 

“But...you all know how high school sweethearts don't generally work out, right?”

 

“I'd forgotten what a kill joy you could be.” Elena snickered. “Lighten up, Mia. Life is too short to be all alone.”

 

“Who said I was all alone?” Mia asked, a little stung.

 

“Uncle Chris never mentioned that you were seeing anyone.” Elena gloated.

 

“That doesn't mean I'm alone.”  Mia retorted. “I have friends.”

 

“Uh huh...” Elena said, from her place on the bed.

 

“Okay so last but not least what about you?”

 

“Ben proposed on Valentine's Day.”

 

“You mean boring Ben, the banker!” Mia exclaimed, a little surprised at her cousin.

 

“He's not boring. He's just different.”

 

“Last I heard you two were taking a break.”

 

“Well, things changed after Christmas last year. We both needed to grow up a little. Things are really good now.”

 

“I'll take your word for it.” Mia remarked, her cheek earning her a well aimed pillow.

 

“Alright Mia. Enough about us. What about you? Where have you been? It's like you live on another planet. I hardly ever hear from you. What have you been doing? Are you seeing anyone?” Elena bombarded her with questions.

 

Sitting down on the bed beside her cousin, Mia carefully worded her answers.

 

“Well, I'm still in London, but over the summer I taught at the university and I got to go on tour with the team. We travelled Central America for some exhibition matches. When we got back two of the players on my roster had an international game in Italy so I went along with them. So yea, life has been interesting.” She told her, a little vaguely.

 

“That still doesn't answer if you've been seeing anyone!” Elena said smartly.

 

“I went out a few times, but that was it.” Mia didn't want anyone prying in to those dates that had gone wrong.

 

“You said you made friends...” Her cousin snickered.

 

“Well yea. It wasn't like I was going to be friendless while I work, but I didn't keep my dates as friends.” Mia retorted, not like they were going to be after what happened, she thought silently.

 

“Any friends on the team?” Elena sounded like she was interrogating her.

 

“A few guys. My entire roster is really nice.” She said, thinking about her roster made her miss them. Calvin and Kyle would be dealing with them while she was away.

 

“So why haven't things gotten friendlier between you and one of them?” Elena asked, suggestively waggling her eyebrows.

 

“Grow up. I'm there to work not to be hunting for a husband.” Mia snapped, a little irritated with the direction the conversation was going in.

 

“Did you bring any pictures?” Elena asked, tactfully changing the subject.

 

Remembering the pictures from the other day, Mia pulled out her laptop from her duffle bag. Lina had sent them all the pictures, and Mia had made sure to save a copy on her computer.

 

“Yea.” She answered, booting up the computer.

 

It wasn't long before Elena was pointing and asking who was who.

 

“Haven't you even considered going out with anyone on the team?” Mia sighed as Elena had returned to her previous line of questioning. She shook her head.

 

“Not even with the guys that are your friends?”

 

“No! See this one, he is married, the other one, here, is my age and loves going clubbing, while he is her brother and is engaged, while this last one is taking a break from dating.” She said pointing them out, her voice squeaking.

 

“I love watching you squirm, Mia.” Elena laughed. That makes one of us, Mia thought with annoyance, as she threw the pillow at the other girl.

 

…..

 

Walking down the hall to his room, he saw the door to her room open. Unable to stop himself, he stopped to look in, as though just the thought of her drew him in.

 

A light fragrance could be smelled in the room, he sniffed trying to recapture her scent. She always smelled ocean-like, and sometimes she would switch to use a lily scent. Her room looked just like it always did, folders stacked neatly on her desk, her dresser held pictures of her brother and her, and though it was gone, sometimes Matthew had walked in to find make up set up on the dresser.

 

The night tables beside her bed had books piled on them, but the spot on the bed for her pink elephant was empty. She must have taken it with her, he mused. Going over to the night table he picked up a book. Faster Than The Speed of Light, it was titled. He put it back where it was. Sitting on the bed, he pulled out his phone.

 

She had sent them all a text message telling them that she had arrived safely. Other than that there had been no phone call. Not like Lina would allow her to call, Matthew thought morosely. His cousin had told Mia to enjoy her vacation and not worry about anything back here. She doesn't need your constant meddling in her life, Lina had told him, when she expressly forbade him from bothering Mia. All the what ifs still lingered in his head. What if her mother makes her cry? He thought, once more. He sincerely hoped it wouldn't happen.

 

Getting up, Matthew took one last look at the room, before leaving. He closed the door behind him.

 

…..

 

The memorial ceremony was over; Mia breathed a sigh of relief. Each year, had been the same. The same speeches about her brother, the same discussion about how to help drug addicts get clean, and the same donation to another charity. This year the annual donation had gone to Insight. Mia had been a little surprised that her suggestion to her father last year had been considered, though she was sure had her mother known it was her suggestion it would have been shot down.

 

Having seen her mother's unimpressed look as the older woman passed her to go and sit at the front of the hall, Mia was sure nothing about her appearance had changed her mother's mind about her intention for being present. Her mother had hardly spoken a few words to her.

 

“Good morning, Mellenia.” She had said, as Mia's father hugged her before they left for their seats.

 

Gritting her teeth, Mia stuck strongly to her resolve. She will not get to me, I will not let her get to me; she chanted silently.

 

They were all standing outside in the cemetery, having gone to visit her brother's grave to conclude the ceremony. After seeing the tombstone and paying her respects, Mia moved towards the exit. Hanging back, Mia waited for Elena. Several of her family members passed her, welcoming her home and wishing her well, Mia smiled in return.

 

“Let's go, Mia.” Elena said, walking over to her.

 

“Where to next?” Mia asked.

 

“Dinner, at my mom's house. Once she heard you were coming home she couldn't help but throw a dinner for you. Don't worry, she told your mom it was for our grandparents coming over.”

 

“Ahh...I love your mom. She's so sneaky.” Mia said, reminiscing about their childhood. Elena's mom Elizabeth had married Mia's dad's older brother. Having noticed the skewed dynamics between Mia and her mother, Elizabeth had been around to lighten things up.

 

“We get to change right?” Mia asked, her black dress was starting to itch.

 

“Yea.”

 

“Who else is going to come for dinner?” Mia asked as they sat in Elena's car.

 

“The squirts, with their parents.” Elena mentioned their little cousins. “Jules and Henry, and her parents. Mikayla, Vince, and their parents. Our grandparents, obviously. Your mom and dad. Me, you, and Carter, Ian, and Ricky.” She told her, mentioning her three younger brothers.

 

“It's surprising how tall those three have gotten.” Mia said, in awe. She still thought of them as little, when in reality they had gotten taller than her.

 

“They're obsessed with basket ball. It's gotten to a point where I have to remember I'm the oldest and not them.” Lina told her flatly, making Mia giggle.

 

Having changed in to her favourite green frock and black tights, Mia and Elena arrived at Elizabeth's house at the same time as their other cousins. Walking in to the house, Mia greeted the rest of her family. Her grandparents hugged her, along with the rest of her aunts and uncles, while her younger cousins asked her to play with them.

 

“Mia, you never play hide and seek with us! Come on play!” Demanded Francois, one of the little ones, tugging on her hand.

 

“Alright, alright.” Mia said, succumbing to their wishes.

 

Walking around looking for her giggling younger cousins who hid in the most obvious spots, Mia started to notice that there were people she had never seen before.

 

Her cousin Vince was standing in the hall talking to two guys, as she passed him on her way to the living room. She was sure they were not related to her.

 

Seeing two curtains shaking with laughter Mia sighed.

 

“I see you Nicholas, and Amanda!” She walked over to the siblings and grabbed them by their middle, tickling them.

 

“Mercy, mercy!” They gasped, as she let them go.

 

“Go find the others. There's only Amelie and Jacque left.” She told them, as they skittered off to do her bidding.

 

Going back to the dining room, Mia went to get herself a drink. Pouring some coke in to her glass she looked around once more. This time she was certain that there were people present she didn't know at all. More specifically, it looked like several men had been invited.

 

“Hey...Mia?” 

 

She turned around quickly, only to see a blond haired guy, who looked like he was a few years older than her.

 

“Hi?” She asked, not sure if they knew each other.

 

“Mark. Remember, you used to live down the street from me? We were in the same grade 7-8 split class.” He told her, as though expecting her to know who he was instantly.

 

“Sure...” She mumbled.

 

“I heard you came home from London. So how have you been?”

 

It wasn't long before Mia found herself in the middle of Mark and another guy named Scott. They were asking her questions about her research with Dr. Phillips. From the corner of her eye, she spotted her mother glaring at her. This can't be good, she thought, as her mother walked over to them.

 

“Gentlemen, I see you've met my daughter Mia.” Her mother said in a soft tone, disguising her displeasure.

 

“Yes. We were just discussing some of the research she's done.” Scott told the older woman.

 

“Ah, yes. It's a shame she hasn't been able to publish more papers these days. Her job as a soccer injury specialist keeps her very busy, since she has to deal with so many players.”

 

Mia's tight smile revealed nothing, as her mother watched her. Grinding her teeth, Mia bit back any snide remark she could think of. She was not going to cause a scene during her trip. She was going to be the perfect daughter, she reminded herself.

 

The two boys looked at her in awe. Please kill me now! She found herself thinking.

 

“Which team do you work for?” Mark asked her.

 

“London FC.” She muttered.

 

“She's such a hard working girl.” Her mother continued. “She even lives on the grounds in a dormitory with two of the players.”

 

Shocked, Mia's head snapped to see a tiny smirk disappear from her mother's face.

 

“I can't believe Dad told you that.” Mia mumbled, shaking her head. “I'm not living in the dorms any more, Mom.”

 

The two boys left, having sensed this was not something they wanted to be present for.

 

“Don't tell me you're living on your own?” Her mother asked snidely.

 

“No I'm sharing a place with friends.” Mia muttered, knowing it was partially true.

 

Seeing that her mother had achieved her goal of isolating her from the others, Mia retreated to the kitchen, heading for the sun room. It was quiet here, since everyone was gathered in the dining and living rooms.

 

Too bad I couldn't go somewhere else, Mia thought, staring out of the window at the snow covered back yard. I would have gone to the cottage or something; I should've just taken a real vacation.

 

It would have been more fun with Lina, Leon, and the guys, she found herself wishing, as she remembered the snowball fight. A smile flickered across her face. At least here I'd get back at Matthew!

 

He had managed to land a snowball on top of her hat during their fight, paying her back for pelting one squarely on his back.

 

“I thought you'd be here.” Elena's voice came from behind her, Mia pushed away the thoughts.

 

“Yea. I needed some air.” She mumbled, turning to see Elena standing with Juliana and Mikayla.

 

“Sorry about that. Mom decided to invite some guys that knew you. She's been plotting ways to get you a man since she heard you were coming.” Elena grimaced.

 

“It all makes sense now.” Mia sighed, unimpressed.

 

“She doesn't want you to be alone, since we all got engaged and Jules is now married.” The older girl shrugged.

 

Not saying anything, Mia followed her cousins back to the dining room.

 

….. 

 

He was looking through the pictures once more. He couldn't help but stare at the one with her holding on to him for dear life. They were riding in tea cups, and the parks cameras flashed to catch the picture. Lina had of course bought the picture after the ride was over.

 

Laughing, as he noticed Mia's eyes were tightly shut, he swiped to view the next picture on his phone. There she was again, clutching on to the bars of the rollercoaster as Nathaniel laughed sitting beside her. In the next one it was Matthew and Leon, riding in a topsy turvy ride. Mia and Oliver had been sitting behind them, looking as though she didn't like the ride.

 

With Christmas coming up, Matthew was still on the fence having not decided what he was going to get Mia. Getting up, he decided to make a trip of the malls, thinking if any thing struck him as worthy of Mia then he would buy it.

 

An hour later, Matthew found himself walking down the sidewalk, a strip of stores inviting him in. Each store he passed by, as there wasn't anything that stood out to him. Having spent time in Topshop, he was rather surprised that there wasn't anything that really made him think of Mia.

 

Walking past another store, something glinted, catching his eye. That's it! He thought, walking in to the store.

 

Chapters

61

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Bea Sinclair wrote 68 days ago

An interesting premise for a romance. I read the prologue and from there I was compelled to read on, great hook!. Have now read ch 1-3 and am really getting to know Mia. Your dialogue in particular really moves the story along. Well done. Starred and watch-listed. Yours Bea

LCF Quartet wrote 125 days ago

Dear Andene,
It took me a while to decide which book of yours to read, as all the three sounded so good to me...they're so my genre.
I only read the first few chapters of IF ONLY TONIGHT to have a feel of the story, and your writing style in general. Wow, it's a very long book!

What impressed me the most is your sense of dialogue. They're quite believable and complement the description parts in a good, healthy balance. The characters and the overall plot develops in a great pace as well.

I look forward to reading more, or a few random chapters so that I can send you new feedback with my thoughts.

6 stars and in my Watch List,
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Shelby Z. wrote 431 days ago

WOW chapter 60 through 62 are my favorite chapters in this book.
I just love the way things are panning out for your characters. The whole feel is just right as is the pacing!
One thing I haven't stated before is that I enjoy your wording for all of the outfits Mia ears. Makes me see them so clearly.
Super work.
Can't wait to read on.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

AmandaMary wrote 425 days ago

Nice opening, fluid writting, only read chapter one but will tramp on with more, enjoying what i have read thus far, easy bed time reading. I have just backed this. Would you mind taking a look at my book A journey back from naivety? back it if you like it. I look forward to reading more of your book, thanks for sharing.

scargirl wrote 424 days ago

the book is easy to read, as the dialogue flows well. i am not sure i like matt. the long pitch is a bit confusing and perhaps overtelling. draw me and then surprise me...
j
what every woman should know

Bea Sinclair wrote 68 days ago

An interesting premise for a romance. I read the prologue and from there I was compelled to read on, great hook!. Have now read ch 1-3 and am really getting to know Mia. Your dialogue in particular really moves the story along. Well done. Starred and watch-listed. Yours Bea

LCF Quartet wrote 125 days ago

Dear Andene,
It took me a while to decide which book of yours to read, as all the three sounded so good to me...they're so my genre.
I only read the first few chapters of IF ONLY TONIGHT to have a feel of the story, and your writing style in general. Wow, it's a very long book!

What impressed me the most is your sense of dialogue. They're quite believable and complement the description parts in a good, healthy balance. The characters and the overall plot develops in a great pace as well.

I look forward to reading more, or a few random chapters so that I can send you new feedback with my thoughts.

6 stars and in my Watch List,
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Shelby Z. wrote 200 days ago

If Only Tonight by Andene
A deep and sweet story filled with twists and turns in the Life of both Mia and Matthew.
Though some of the language is a little over the top, I really love this story.
Mia is a pure character. Her life is tragic with a mother who cares more for a dead son than her living son. She struggles to keep her job tending to the soccer team players. Mia doesn't drink, sex, or cuss. She is a special and sweet girl with a lot of heart to her character.
Matt doesn't make life easy for Mia, but she keeps her chin up and works hard despite the problems with Matt.
The team really takes care of Mia against a overbearing player and Matt's problems.
It is a beautiful book worth the read.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 411 days ago

Chapter 67 very good though emotional.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 421 days ago

Chapter 66 is so touching.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 424 days ago

Amazing new chapters. The pull is so wonderful for the reader.
There is so much that happened to come to these three chapters.
Wonderfully done again.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

scargirl wrote 424 days ago

the book is easy to read, as the dialogue flows well. i am not sure i like matt. the long pitch is a bit confusing and perhaps overtelling. draw me and then surprise me...
j
what every woman should know

Shelby Z. wrote 424 days ago

Love the new cover. It is really special looking.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

AmandaMary wrote 425 days ago

Nice opening, fluid writting, only read chapter one but will tramp on with more, enjoying what i have read thus far, easy bed time reading. I have just backed this. Would you mind taking a look at my book A journey back from naivety? back it if you like it. I look forward to reading more of your book, thanks for sharing.

Shelby Z. wrote 431 days ago

WOW chapter 60 through 62 are my favorite chapters in this book.
I just love the way things are panning out for your characters. The whole feel is just right as is the pacing!
One thing I haven't stated before is that I enjoy your wording for all of the outfits Mia ears. Makes me see them so clearly.
Super work.
Can't wait to read on.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 438 days ago

Your new chapters are really well done once again.
The tension rises and the thrill of this is all so good.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 453 days ago

I really enjoyed the three new chapters. I love the way things are going for everyone.
I am dying to know how this book will turn out.
Looking forward to the rest.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 465 days ago

LOVE the three new chapters. They are captivating and making the story unfold beautifully.
I can't wait to read the rest when you get them up!
Wonderful!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 466 days ago

I read the new chapters last night. They are so very well developed and keep your story flowing along nicely.
You sure now how to write!
Great work!!!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

JMF wrote 471 days ago

Hi Andene,
I like Chick lit so thought I'd take a look at this. First of all, I like the idea behind the story and it starts off well. The prologue leaves enough intrigue to want to continue so I was happy to read the next two chapters. There are a few consistency issues such as stating that the cottage belongs to her parents and then saying that it is hers a few sentences later. You mention she has 'parched lips' - perhaps a little over the top as she hasn't been stuck in the desert without water for days on end! I like the cliff hanger at the end of the prologue.
In Chapter One Felix is referred to as Felix and then Mr Pettyfer by the secretary. I think she would either use one or the other.
During her interview Mia says she comes from Toronto and then clarifies this by saying that it is in Canada. This comes over as a little condescending and I'm not sure that Mia is like this. She could say she comes from Canada, Toronto to be exact.
Occasionally there is a clumsy turn of phrase such as, "Her emerald green eyes were something he'd never seen before." Maybe it could be changed to something like "He'd never seen such stunning emerald green eyes."
These are just small points and as you are aware, totally subjective! I hope you find them helpful.
I really enjoyed reading the first few chapters and I wish you luck with your writing.
All the best.
Julia
Shadow Jumper

katjay wrote 479 days ago

Andene
If Only Tonight
Hi Andene, sorry it's been such a long time getting back to you, but I've been so busy recently. My apologies! I've read the prologue and first two chapters. Great pitch certainly draws you into the story and I want to find out how Mia and Matt pan out. Some small grammar issues but nothing that can't be fixed.
Well done.
Kat x (Hens from Hell)

Mystery Reader wrote 484 days ago

Great work on your book!
The pitch is drawing.
The title is unique but foretells of what you have to write.
Your books starts off so well, because it is a future so you can bring it right up to that point.
Your characters are so clearly developed and set apart.
The hold story line is very creative and new.
Super work here.

*Reader*

Shelby Z. wrote 485 days ago

Okay found your web novel.
Read two more chapters, super good.
I am dying to know how it will turn out.

SHelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 485 days ago

Amazing work you've done here, but I want to read the rest of it. It is just soo good.
Super Amazing work here.
:)

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 486 days ago

Chapters 21-23.
SOOOO good.
I love the idea of the ring that Mia wears, that is soooo very cool and fun. I love the way you made her character.
Super grand job with it.
Keep it up!!!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 487 days ago

Chapter 18-20
Getting even better!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 488 days ago

Read chapters 14-17.
I love the part where they are swinging at the park. I love to swing! Anyhow it adds a special tone to that chapter.
The way you are developing everything is quite well. Sometimes there seem to be a lot of jumping between characters in chapter 16.
I really enjoy the way you put morals for these characters. They aren't heavy party people and the sex issue is kept down to nothing.
Really super job here.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

Shelby Z. wrote 501 days ago

Two more chapters read.
It is still a good story that you have here. The plot is really folding out at a good pace and the character development is perfect. No mistakes so far either.
I am up to chapter 12 now.
Keep up the good work!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Hope to read more at a later date.

Shelby Z. wrote 515 days ago

This is written really well.
I really enjoy how the story starts off in a gripping way. I'm glad that you've only put a few swearwords in your book. It makes it worth reading.
You make everything flow super well.
Your characters form at a good pace.
No misspelling or wrong words, so good job there.
I do enjoy how it goes.
GREAT JOB!

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

L_MC wrote 533 days ago

Andene, I saw you've recently updated this so read the prologue and four chapters. Your long pitch suggested a story that would appeal to me and I do like the antagonism and confused feeling you have set up between Matthew and Mia in these initial chapters. I want to know who Matthew didn't want to think about, why he is so afraid of finding love and there is a hint there will be more to come about how Max died and how that has affected Mia. Looking forward to seeing how it works out between these two.

They are some minor typos and I did wonder why Felix was still assuming M Brooklyn was a man after he had already spoken to Mia's boss. I think it's natural for people to refer to those they are talking about as he/she his/hers etc so think Dr Phillips would have given away Mia's gender.

Ivan Amberlake wrote 572 days ago

I read the prologue and part of Chapter 1 and I definitely love your main character Mia! The prologue is a great hook - it makes me wonder about what will happen after Mia answers the phone. You introduce her very well in the first chapter. Mellenia is an unusual name - I love it. By the way, you have a great cover! On the whole, I think your book will appeal to ChickLit/Romance lovers and I wish you the best of luck with your wonderful book. I hope to return to it when I have a bit more time :) Embellished it with loootsss of stars!

Ivan Amberlake

Su Dan wrote 691 days ago

you write this very well. great pace and style brings the story and characters to life...
l shall back
6 stars******
read SEASONS...

Andene wrote 692 days ago

Thanks for the suggestions! I'll work on the short sentences!
~Andene

Story sounds inviting from the pitch. Your sentences are often quite short, making the reading quite abrupt, rather than flowing. And watch out for the odd repeated word and missed word, eg 'eyes' in para 6 and the word 'see'? in para 9. Good luck.

wendyjones wrote 702 days ago

Story sounds inviting from the pitch. Your sentences are often quite short, making the reading quite abrupt, rather than flowing. And watch out for the odd repeated word and missed word, eg 'eyes' in para 6 and the word 'see'? in para 9. Good luck.

Wendy Proteau wrote 715 days ago

Hi Andene!
I read through your work and i think you have a great story. As others have mentioned, there are some ways to combine some of the paragraphs in order to improve the flow. Sometimes using dialogue can move the story faster, and it will help with the flow. I'll send you an email to show some examples. The punctuation does need a little bit of help (something I had to learn myself)....But i think with a little bit of editing, it will be wonderful.

All my best,
Wendy

Brittany Engstrand wrote 724 days ago

Not bad! First thing I noticed was the name of her hometown... is this a real place? If so, I would maybe put he state or around where it's at because (unless it's just because I'm american) it's possible no one knows where that is. There's quite a few grammar errors like a lot of "..." that could go and some one to two line paragraphs that could be added to another paragraph. Also, yea is technically yeah and a couple of commas are out of place, but as far as the actual story, it's a decent read. This isn't much of my genre, so I don't know too much about how to fix anything on that end. However, The prologue makes me want to find out what happens at that part (which can be a good and bad thing... some will say it makes people want to read on, others will say it makes readers want to rush and maybe even skip ahead).

Whew, okay now that we're past everything harsh, I like the story so I will add it to my shelf. It shows a lot of potential and with a little editing it can go a long way! Best of luck!

Brittany Engstrand
Melaney and The Mirror/ My Last Notes

Juliusb wrote 747 days ago

Dear Adene,

From the full pitch, your book should be interesting, being like bringing the South pole to be intimate and share commonalities North pole. Like Socrates calling on his students and siting down with them to think how the impossible should become possible. I will pick some chapters at random and peruse through them and see how it is mending.

Carol Ritten Smith wrote 768 days ago

Andene, you said you could take it so I have a few words of advice. I started reading Chapter One, but I got so bogged down with dialogue tags, I couldn't carry on. Dialogue tags are to clarify who said what. In the beginning of this chapter there are only two characters, Mia and the secretary. The first few paragraphs don't require any tags. It is obvious who is saying what. Even the 'Mia insisted' part is unnecessary, because the dialogue indicates it. So my advice is to get rid of as many tags as you can. Also, when you use a tag, usually there is a comma in front of it, not a period. IE: . . . and correspondence courses," Mia said, quietly.

Another essential tip. You need to start a new paragraph each time the speaker changes. I've corrected a portion so you can see how to do it.

"You were promoted twice in gradeschool?"

Mia blushed again. "Yes," she muttered.

"Which grades?"

"Three and six."

"You finished high school in three years? How?"

"I took virtual school classes and summer school."

Did you notice I got rid of the ellipse (...). Use them very sparingly. And also using adverbs in tags are a bit of a no no. IE: Felix told him, sternly. Your dialogue should relay the sternness in his warning. Editor are put off with words that end in 'ly'. Find a stronger word so you don't need the adverb.

Okay, that's enough criticism. I've read other comments here about your book and it sounds like you have a good story to tell. You just need some dialogue help. Get a grammar book. "Strunk and White's Elements of Style" has the very basics and will benefit you. Do a "ly" search in edit (I think that's where you'll find it) and try to find stronger words for every adverb ending in 'ly'. Getting your story written is only a small part of writing. Editing is where the work begins. Edit, edit and then edit some more. Rewrites are part of the business of writing.

I hope I haven't offended you. I offer this advice with the best intentions to make your writing better. Keep at it. Best wishes, Carol

greengirl525 wrote 768 days ago

This is a really awesome read it so interesting and you have awesome characters
I can't wait to read more of the chapters

GreenGirl525

Gracie Ray wrote 775 days ago

This is such a great read! I love the plot, and you have great characters!!! I can't wait to read again when it's finished!!

Andene wrote 775 days ago

Hi Kirk,

The title is based on the song 'Only Tonight' by JLS...which is an awesome song! You should check it out! Thank you for the comment and backing! It means a lot to me!

Thanks!
Andene

Hi Andene,
Just wanted to know if "If Only Tonight" is a real song or something you wrote up?
Anyway, Mia is an interesting character. The writing needs a little cleaning up, but there are lots of folks here who can help ypu out. Good potential and I'm backing that potential.
Cheers
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

KirkH wrote 780 days ago

Hi Andene,
Just wanted to know if "If Only Tonight" is a real song or something you wrote up?
Anyway, Mia is an interesting character. The writing needs a little cleaning up, but there are lots of folks here who can help ypu out. Good potential and I'm backing that potential.
Cheers
Kirk
"How to Steal a Lion"

Red2u wrote 782 days ago

hi there Andene. have gone through the first 2 chapters... thoroughly enjoy the read..quite the smart cookie this Mia have placed on my watchlist for further reading ...good luck

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