The Storeman

I think this is very well written, quite erudite, and it has a nice Walter Mitty flavor to it. If I were to tinker I'd suggest that finding ways to insert dialog would give us more variety in the read. It's a bit of a marathon right now, and that would give us some breathing space. I'm particularly thinking of the attack by his wife. It should be fairly easy to have her actually screaming things (well-worded of course) instead of having the narrator tell us she was screaming things. Anytime you can show instead of tell, I believe, that's a good thing. But overall, really very nice writing. Good luck with this!
And if you're up for reading some kids' lit, you are invited to check out my novel, The Lost Wink.
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/
Thanks,
Tod

Philip, This is a very different read. Quite illuminating to see the effects of domestic abuse from the male perspective. I liked the way Jim's backstory is revealed in snatches as he escapes his awful life. He is portrayed as quite a sad individual, bullied throughout life with even his dreadful children accepting his wife's terrible treatment as normal. I'm upto ch5, I hope things turn around for him...or is he hiding some terrible secret?
Best of luck with this
Babs

Ok, I feel like I'm reading Metamorphosis. I'm also disoriented and confused. This seems so cryptic and out of reach. I'm fascinated and Can't. Stop. Reading.

I've enjoyed the first few chapters. The "Now..."s and the tense switches don't worry me. There's a juggling with these factors which creates a poetic sense to the opening - and I see that the narrative then settles down to a more conventional style. Inevitably there's a little copy editing to be done to tidy things up, but I certainly want to read on.

My shelf is full, but I would buy the book if I found it in a bookshop - so happy to give 6 stars.

Good luck!
Zane Stumpo
Schrödinger’s Caterpillar

This book is definitively different from most I've read on Authonomy. It has a tragic poetic feel and a fast (almost manic) pace. Actually, I found it very refreshing to all the over-worded and under-emotional books that now cram the market. Glad to put this on my shelf once space opens up.

Jaen Wirefly
Glimmers

I like your ambition in creating a compelling character like this. The novel needs some more work, though.

You are mixing up past tense and present tense. Pick one and stick with it. Most novels are in past tense. Also, there’s usually no reason to start a sentence with “now” unless you are transitioning from a flashback to current action.

Why are the children encouraging the beating? Shouldn’t they be terrified?

When she tells him what a worthless man he is, what exactly does she say?

Why doesn’t he fight back? Does he not want to hurt her or his he too weak?

Chapter 2 has a lot of background, but not really a plot. He needs to have a reason to remember his entire life. Try to use action to show what his life was like instead of describing it by saying his father was a bully and unpopular. You need to show how.

Take some time studying novels on the market that are similar to your theme and see how they are written. I'll put this on my Watchlist.

Brian Bandell
Mute

brilliant writting for a very original book; l will back your book. but it is my watchlist for now...6 stars******
read SEASONS...

backed for excellent writing and starred - well done!

liz
the cheech room