NeRoLi

I read the first couple of chapters and thought this was well-written, sharply-observed and witty. There are some delightful comedic touches (the lice line had me in stitches), and Neroli's meetings with "the cardigan" are hilarious. Full of humorous references to the frustrations of modern life. A good edit would tighten things up, but then we are all in the same boat. Generously starred and on my WL for further reading. Good luck with this.

nicely done, (i imagine a british accent to that), i like very much how you interweave your desciptions with inner dialogue while moving the story along, possibly a tad bit too descriptive or talky, i finished the first four sections, don't know how it is going to end, that is good, i am going to back it, hope you take a look at either of my pieces "crow diary" or "ghost dance"

The present tense is an interesting choice of narrative, but I think you making it work. I'm enjoying the story so far and will be following Neroli's progress with interest.

Best of luck.

Claire.

Original writing and I love the quirky humour. Neroli is an endearing character and I am hooked on following her antics.I'm positive this will do well - backing and 6 stars.

A Well thought out character, and very descriptive style of writing, I have really enjoyed reading your book. There where parts where I could not hold in a little chuckle to myself!!
I would love to read more Well done!!!
Backed and 6 stars

Neroli is a great character, clearly thought-through and well-crafted. Third person limited was a good choice, I think. We need a bit of distance to marvel at her, but we also need to know her thoughts, because so much of the action is internal. One note though: Before this gets onto a publisher's desk, look over punctuation rules, especially as they pertain to dialogue. You can break the rules if you want, but us unpublished novelists get less leeway on that front. Good luck!

After calling me a "merciless critic", I had to read your work, haha. Bear in mind I'm no professional, but I don't like lying to people just to get a good review in return.

I really like Neroli, such an interesting character. if you're not female yourself you have a very good insight into a woman's mind. Which is why this story may work better in the first-person.

The whole scene where she goes through her phone is beautifully written. The heavy detail really works here. That said, there's a lot that could be cut out. her journey to the garage seems irrelevant. I appreciate that it could be there for character development but this can be done quickly and easily later on just with the mention of bald tyres - instantly that says a lot about the character. The mechanic can find a CD in the car, and instantly any interplay between them speaks volumes. Often, the detailing got in the way of the story. At the start, instead of writing about the day, something like "It was a good day for October" tells the reader all they need to know.

The dialogue is great, the pacing is fine and it's interesting - you do find yourself warming to Neroli.

There's definitely something here, and I wish you luck with it.

This is colourful indeed! Well done and backed!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Great start, makes me want to read more and find out about this interesting lead. Backed.
If you get a cnahce can you have a look at What Lies Within - if you like it, a backing would be appreciated
Thanks and good luck
Audrey

effective writting, characters and story; this is on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

Good writing style, great narrative. 6 starred and backed.