BENEATH THE BLOSSOM TREE

I wondered what the significance of the blossom tree was and now that I realise what it is I think it is quite beautiful to have the bodies of both parents underneath the blossom tree. They sort of live on here in this idyllic spot. The blossom tree may wither and fade but never die and will bloom continuously each year. It's just lovely and a very beautiful tribute to the parents.
Laylla obviously misses her parents very much. What a terrible tragedy to lose both of them so young. I know no age is the right age to bid farewell to a much loved parent but some ages can deal with it a little bit easier than other ages.
You have crafted a very moving story and also a very enjoyable read. I haven't read all of what you have here but I am keen to read on so I am placing your book on my watchlist.

You may like to look at this in chapter one.........Sometimes I make small talk with my parents, just as I would if they were alive. I'll tell them about the my day.....you need to drop the or my from this sentence.

In chapter two I just wondered if you need in her hair in the sentence......A seventeen year old girl, with long dark curls in her hair. Would it work better without those words.
Well done, Laura. High stars.

Alice.

What a terrific start to a book. I was very moved and then there is that extremely intriguing and hopeful sentence at the end. I have to read on.

Sorry to take so long to get back,

Anyway. Good opening. Love the quote and you have written your story very well, can't spot any errors.

The death of the parents was told well and was very sad, and you get a good feel for the characters really quickly.

Laylla is quite broken, but you can still sense her fighting spirit, particularly by her cynical attitude towards the counseller.

I haven't got to the love story yet or the A level results, which I presume were ok, which is nothing short of a miracle. I know how hard it is to study with such awful distractions.

I liked the character of Lizzie and her relationship with Laylla. e.g. "the curls of her hair entwined with mine."
Your writing does have a poetry to it and I shall read on. High stars!

RCG review. Based on chapters 1-5 (Inc)
I have read and backed this book in the past so I thought I would revisit "Beneath the Blossom Tree"
I love the short pitch but I feel the long pitch gives away rather too much of the story and could be abridged.
The story is told by Laylla, in the first person.
In chapter 1 we are introduced to a sad but accepting, contented Laylla. As chapter two opens however the reader sees that Laylla was not always philosophical about her plight. The other characters (her sister, Mark and Lizzie in particular) are also affected and I like the way the author shows their good intentions towards one another but also demostrates how inadequate the consolation actually is. I also like the the way Laylla's internal anger comes over in the writing. Her university experience of feeling alone within the crowd and Paul's revellations about his own family bereavement are well handled-I liked the priest's affirming stories.
The small-town setting in the beginning of "Beneath the Blossom Tree" is given just enough description. The theme which hits me throughout is one of growing acceptance of self and circumstance. The writing style is confident and straightforward, there is some powerful imagery in description of the town, the cemetery, the Dr's waiting room etc but this in well scattered throughout in between action and dialogue.
Dialogue is well used, giving a flavour of NE England without cliche and stereotypes. Spelling and punctuation is good throughout, I noticed only one typo. As I have already given this book high stars, I can only add that it is a good read. Yours Bea

I've read all the chapters you've uploaded and found myself wishing for more. You've created an intriguing pairing with Laylla and Jacob. Both are intensely private and almost prickly characters who appear perfect for one another. Laylla's initial attraction/aversion to Jacob seems a little odd, almost forced, especially since you have her hooking up (almost) with two men for whom she feels nothing but physical attraction. Perhaps it's because it's based on true life events, but there is a definite memoir feel to this story. In a way you're almost writing historical fiction, and I've found in my own writing that sometimes the desire to express an historical 'truth' can get in the way of the story. There were times, for me at least, when some of the details of Laylla's life slowed the narrative. But of course that's only a personal preference.

I truly enjoyed this story and read everything you posted here. High stars from me and I'm keeping it on my wl in the hopes you add more!

Kathy

Beneath the Blossom Tree is a gut wrenching journey that is lovingly written by the author. There is a lot of insight into the lives of the parents and how the orphaned Laylla and Jess cope with life after death. It is a touching account where the use of a social worker enables the reader to understand the background and the needs of Laylla much better. It's an easy read that offers hope to a healing family suffering a great loss.

The use of 'foils' in the Prologue didn't sound quite right to me, perhaps this is a localized term. I kind of liked the capitalization on the first sentence of each new Chapter. It is more likely not to appeal to many readers because it has an effect of 'screaming' at the reader. Other than this, I think your writing is well constructed.

Laura, your novel is deeply personal - it did entice me to read on as if you were confiding in me as a personal friend. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish you much success. Best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killing Paradise

Beneath the Blossom Tree

I really like how you compare bravery to butterfly getting out of the cocoon. This story is really down to earth, a personal struggle with grief. It shows that Laylla chose to move on. I like her first days in college and that she is making friends. It makes me return to my own time in college and I recall meeting my roommate for the first time: good times. I like Paul and so happy for him being there for Laylla.

I really like that your title concentrate the story on the love for her parents. Somehow it is comforting that her parents reunite in death strangely dying in a similar fashion and lying together beneath the blossom tree…

I read prologue and three chapters and find your writing relaxing and informative.

Few little things that caught my eyes, nothing big, though:
Chapter 1:
In paragraph starting with “No, honestly[,] Laylla…”
Chapter 2:
In paragraph starting with “That’s a good thing[,] Lizzie…” Please note that there are other dialogues that follow that don’t have commas around a person addressed in dialogue.

Thank you for sharing your story,
Alexandra Mahanaim
Return to Eternity
Love story—symbolic approach to creation

Laura,
I’m glad you asked me to look over your added chapters. I reread your work and remember why I liked this story as much as I did. Your character Laylla feels very real to me, in her counseling session, her move to the University and the time she spends with her new roommate. She meets Paul who can identify with her feelings of loss. I like the bond they share with each other. They make good friends. She develops relationships with the other girls at the school and begins to find her way.

I read your new chapters. I'm not sure what to think of Jacob and Laylla's meetings. They have a bit of a strange chemistry when they are around each other. I’m not sure where this is going as he comes across as safe and protective of Laylla, yet at times not.

She makes the mistake of going with Mathew to his room and finds her way out of that. When she did that it seemed out of character as I viewed her as intelligent and not quick to jump in to things with men. Her time with Jacob afterward was awkward. She seemed mixed up as to who the guy was, and I felt bad for him as he was acting as if he cared. It did leave for intriguing possibilities. Your book is interesting. I like the story and would like to know more about Jacob. I wish you well.

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

I found your story sad but interesting. It has great potential but feel it could do with a good edit. You get carried away sometimes and some things dont make sense. Also a tip that i've been told - dont write "shrugged her shoulders", just put shrugged. Dont put "nodded her head", just put nodded. I look forward to reading more.
Michelle Read
Long Lost

I know this is a true story, but I found it a bit strange in the opening lines that you say you were orphaned and the dates. It stopped me reading and I worked out how old you would be – 17-18. It seemed odd that you called it 'orphaned', as most people would relate that to a child. Having said that, when I read on into the chapters it made more sense because you were still a child in your own head, so it was a very appropriate thing to say and I'm fine with it. The problem was the dates – if it stopped me reading while I worked out your age, it might stop other readers and it's not good to break the flow of the story so early on.
The story is very well written and I didn't spot any edits.
The other characters are full and believable as individuals.
I really thought that you'd come to your senses and hook up with Paul, but you didn't – that's what's great about true life, it's never predictable. So Jacob has caught your eye – I would have carried on reading had there been more. You left me at an intriguing part.
Genaya and Paul seem to have been much better counsellors than the actual counsellor who is getting paid for it.
I really enjoyed reading this. So high stars and on my list to back shortly.
Take care, Jes.x

BENEATH THE BLOSSOM TREE
Laura Bailey

I found this an engaging story. The prologue was sad but expected from the pitch, we were warned it was a harrowing tale.

The book was easy to read and well written. The editing was good, I have no criticism about punctuation etc. Well done.

Highly starred and waiting for some space to back the book.

Charles Knightley
The Secret of Netley Abbey

I gave the first two chapters a read today. I love the title and your main character is easy to love. It is beautifully written, descriptive but not overly. I did see a few sentences that seemed out of place in the paragraphs, but you may find those when you edit again. So, far I think this book is well-written and inviting. High stars.

Good luck and have a blessed day,
Jennie Lyne Hiott
Hearts and Lies

Laura, your writing and timing was perfect. I cried at the end of the first chapter and forgot I was reading a book
on Authonomy. The way you describe so vividly both the emotion and the others around the MC was excellent. I will return to read more and have no hesitation in backing this.
Best of luck with it x
Michelle

Beneath the Blossom Tree

Firstly, I love this title.

This is beautifully written with a skilful first person narrative enabling the reader to be carried along by this poignant tale. The prose is simple yet very expressive. The opening at the graveside was so emotional yet by contrast the interchange with the counsellor was understated and witty.

Laylla was immediately likeable with her openness in both in dialogue and internal thoughts. It was easy to get caught up in her life and want her to make the right decisions.
I also enjoyed the setting as I know Durham well.

There were a few little things that I spotted as I read. Please ignore if you don’t agree.

I felt the capitalization at the beginning of chapters was a little jarring for such a gentle piece.

How about blossom petals rather than blossom flakes?
And pink and cream blooms, so you don’t have repetition of the word petals?

Jess says she’ll wait in the car...how does she know where it is? Laylla parked it after she left.

As I note from your bio that it’s based on true facts. I do hope it has a happy ending.

A lovely story, Laura. Sprinkled with stars.

Best of luck with it.

Babs

Beneath the blossom tree.
I read everything that you posted.
In general, I think that this is a well-written and compelling, character driven story. You have excellent first-person character development, and an entertaining group of supporting characters which, although perhaps not as well-developed, are strong props for your main character.
And the plot is compelling enough to have kept me reading to the end of the posting.
You're clearly a very good writer, and your skill shines through in the section, particularly in the early chapters. This having been said, I feel that you could make your story stronger by being faster in some ways, and slower in others. By faster I mean get from the hook in the beginning of the book, which is where we see her as an orphan, to the place you're taking me to at the very end of the posting, where she meets a potential love interest, faster. By slower, I mean, avoid a lot of the summarization which features heavily in several of the chapters, and focus of descriptions and dialogues.
Hook and plot- I often object to prologues as a matter of principle. They are often not necessary and I think in your case you could do without it. I would recommend starting right on chapter one.
The first few chapters hook very well. I found the death of both her parents and her vulnerability very compelling. I loved the careful description of her driving around prior to her appointment. I found her talk with her therapist was quite moving.
The plot, which I found compelling in the first few chapters, as a whole dragged a bit for me after she went off to university. This is neither here nor here, as this is a character-driven book, but a bit more plot development would have kept me better focused. The main plot component seems to be her losing connections with her old life and establishing ones in her new one, plus the love triangle with Paul and Joshua. This kind of plot has a certain inevitability to it - I could be wrong, but I guess Paul will wind up with the girl. Again, the plot is really a backdrop to CD, so perhaps it does not matter too much. But I feel that if you focus a bit more on her internal conflicts the plot would be a bit more compelling.
Character development- you have outstanding character development of your MC. I think part of your success comes from showing her at vulnerable and less vulnerable times. The psychologist's appointments I found very successful.
I was a little disappointed with the Cd of the supporting characters, particularly the sister, who starts out as very interesting and then becomes rather plastic. I understand that this is part of the point, that she and the best friend big go shallow, thus isolating her further. But the shallowness went beyond the character to the CD itself.
Paul is the remaining character with something going for him, but he, too, seems to be struggling between the profundity of his own family struggles and the superficiality of student life.
Ambience and descriptions. Descriptions do not stand out in my memory of this reading very strongly. However, I would not say they are badly done. They're just understated. I don't feel like I have a very strong image of what the University looks like, the coffee shop where she gets her coffee on a daily basis, or even her home. I have a pretty decent sense of the park, but I feel that I'm filling in the gaps to a great extent. I think you would have little difficulty adding a little bit of padding to the descriptions if you felt like it. I think it might make the reading a little richer.
Writing and mechanics. As I mentioned earlier, I found that sometimes you revert to summarizing's rather than sticking to descriptions and dialogue, which are more compelling and interesting. I would urge you just avoid doing this as it makes for less interesting reading. As far as mechanics are concerned, I did not find very many typos or grammatical errors. I think the writing is quite strong.
Again, I think this is a successful novel so far and I am enjoying reading it. I would definitely keep reading if there were more material posted. I think that I would want you to focus a bit more on the plot's development in the later part of the posting, or bring it much tighter to your main character's character development.
Best of luck with it,
Maeve

Laura, Brilliant read. Software is correct, this is not for the feint-hearted but it needs to be read. I love the narrative voice in this book and as I read it I soon understood that it was this alone that got me hooked at such an early stage of the read. You describe things so well and that again grabbed me. Your flow when you are delivering the book is first class and when you put all the above you have a good well written book. So so well done and I will be watching this from the side lines.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

It's good to read about Durham (I live nearby so I know it well). You describe the city beautifully. This is a very emotive read, seventeen is way too young to lose parents and be left to cope alone. I admire your heroine's approach to therapy. Maybe crying helps but I'm not convinced. Finding a place in the mind to feel happy and secure must be a good thing though. Closing up a parent's house is hard at any age. I'm glad at least that she has her place at uni. a future that will help her.
I thought this was very well written.
Just a couple of minor edits. Her parents should 'lie' in their grave, not lay in it. I also wondered in Ch. 2 exactly which beach she was at when she left Durham.

This is not for the feint-hearted. It may be positioned as romantic fiction but it has the distinct feel of stark reality. Beneath the Blossom Tree has been beautifully constructed to reveal the sad and poignant account of the main protagonist, Laylla Jonson. There are no knights in shining armour coming to her rescue here. This girl has to battle through multiple tragedies, become self-reliant, respond to the vagaries of the world she inhabits, and take challenges head-on. Though incomplete, when Laura Bailey develops the remainder of the work, it will result in a very good cover to cover novel. Highly starred, WL'ed and when complete will be on my bookshelf.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

Without your pitch, I wouldn't have a real clue where this is headed, but I do like your characters and they way you right. I have to be honest, this is hard for me to read in parts because my sister died of cancer three years ago and I was with her at hospice a lot at the end. I'll be back for more, but may take me longer. All the best,
Sheri / Crazy Quilt

Well, you can certainly write, Laura, and your book is edited to a very high degree, I found very few typos. Laylla is a very well-drawn and sympathetic character, and there is a lot of good stuff in the first 9 chapters. But I'll be quite honest, the book only leapt to life for me in chapter ten, when the 'true romance' of this romance book finally started to happen. 'Love at first sight', well, it worked for me, excellently written and (imvho) should be brought forward MUCH earlier! (as Mindy has already suggested). As to the rest, a lot of what I wanted to say has been voiced by other commentators. Will you be doing an edit shortly, I'd be pleased to read again.
Starring this highly.

Joe Kovacs
He ain't Heavy, He's my Buddha

Hi Laura,
I read all of you uploaded chapters today. I really like the premise. I think Laylla is a good character. I like the interaction with the Doctor, and Laylla's interpretation of how the therapy works with the crying. (Personally, from a family experience I think she is right). I think my main criticism Is just simply that it takes too long to get to Jacob (and then you cut me off right when we did!) Clearly this love that is nearly instantaneous is the main story of the book, but 10 chapters is quite a long way in. Not that I think you need to change the order, but I thought there were things that the reader already had a good grasp of that didn't need so much detail. (Lizzie moved on, Jess was getting married, classes were harder for Laylla than for some of the others...). I liked Paul telling his story, and as a reader, I sort of wanted them to hit it off, so her rejection of him I thought was too harsh, too public. That may be intentional, and it may be clear why it was so later in the book, but with only so much to go on, I thought it was a bit cold. Anyway, I thought it was very well written. I enjoyed what you have here.
All the best!
Mindy
The Wishing Place
Glory

High stars ;0)
Highly polished and sucked me right in. I'd like to say i love this, but i find it to sad to love ;0(
I've added you to my WL as i need to know whats going to happen.

Great writing, keep it up

Claire C Riley
Limerence

Hi dear...I started reading and will be back to read some more but before i forget...just one thing stuck out to me...When Jess leaves Dr. Holland's office she says she'll wait for her sister in the car...but how does she know where the car is, since she was dropped off while Laylla drove around looking for a space? just f yi.

Sheri / Crazy Quilt

Hi Laura

This was a very interesting read. I've only read the first two chapters but was engaged in Laylla's narrative and her emotional, internal struggle with her grief. I liked the dialogue in Janet Holland's office, where I felt the story flowed well and moved at a good pace. You gave just enough information to convey the situation and especially Laylla's hostility .
I wonder at other times if you try to give the reader too much information too soon in the story. And although you set the scenes well, some of your description seems a bit repetitive and detracts from the pace of the plot. I found myself skimming over these parts as I had already understood the mood and feelings you were trying to convey and I felt it could have been edited.
This is a poignant story and a subject which is highly intriguing. Best of luck with it.
Teresa
Love, Suzi x

Hi Laura.
Thank you so much for backing Love, Suzi x. Will have a look at Beneath the Blossom Tree, asap.
Teresa

Dear Laura,

I am so glad I came back for another visit. I loved your story the first time, so I felt immediately pulled in again. This true life piece is full of passion and voice, and actually I think it reads as smooth as fiction. Your "characters" are well-drawn, and the unique details surrounding them are portrayed so nicely. I also love how this is told in first person, entirely from Laylla's point of view. I couldn't imagine it being told any other way. I can relate to losing a parent at a young age, but BOTH in such a short time frame...my heart goes out to you for experiencing such a deep loss. The time period in which a young adult comes of age is such a difficult period anyway, so my hearts sinks to think about the added strain of losing your parents. I love how you portray the pain of death, but also you interject little thoughts as you carry on with life. For example, on the way to the counsellor's office, you flashbacked to being a little girl, eating ice cream cones on that same street with your family. I love that. There is such pain in loss, and we feel it in all the little places and ways as we continue to go throughout the day. I really liked the way you tied in the sister relationship with Jess..it adds such depth and gives the reader a full picture of who you are when we see the contrast. Beautifully done. The friendship with Liz give a nice balance, and the emerging new friendships have piqued my curiosity. Will Paul be the one? I am going to put this on my WL again with plans of coming back for more as I have time. I'm updating your star rating right now, too. :) A wonderful, heartfelt piece.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Laura,
This writing is very poignant. You have a beauty in your style of writing, and I loved the simplicity of the words. I like a smooth, even pace, and I could keep up with this story and the characters very well. You don’t push your characters to develop too quickly or move them along in scenes before they have time to play out.

I love Laylla’s character. She was so very real speaking to the counselor, after the death of both parents. You really portrayed the bitterness and anger of losing them, very well. I like how much she values honesty and hates anything considered fake. There are a lot of dimensions to her character, one being nerved up by new social situations, another mature, and also she hangs back and doesn’t connect easily with people, which is to be expected. She buries a lot, to keep from having to deal with it, so it endears the reader to her.

Paul is so caring and knows just the right things to say, to bring Laylla out of herself. I like how he said that everyone has a story, which is so true. When Laylla rejected him when he was drunk, my heart went out to him. But, then he really didn’t feel like ‘the one’, at least at this point in the story. And then, Jacob enters the picture. This is an added intrigue. I’m looking to see where this goes and how he fits in.

You have incorporated many things that are relatable to ‘real life’ experiences. I think this is what touches people, when there are things we see that we have found ourselves doing. I felt connected throughout your pages, and had to read it to the end. You got highest stars from me. I think this is really good!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

Hi Laura,
a return read for your support of 'Outsiders'.

This is touching writing. Easy to read and with a good flow. My only niggle was that sometimes you ambled about a bit too much, which is when my interest waned a little here and there. It's a common problem with memoir-type writing, so perhaps it could do with a really ruthless edit, chopping out the asides and anything strictly unnecessary to the 'story'.

But still, intriguing and highly readable.
5 stars from me,
all the best,
Sharda.

This is a beautiful story. I think it is well written. This story will appeal to a wide range of readers. I like the wit and humour. Layla is a strong and single minded character but she melts when Jacob walks into the room. We all remember that feeling and you portray the first flutter of love very well.
High stars. Best wishes, Olive.

read the first two (autho) chapters and was drawn in immediately.
this story, like the cover, is truly beautiful

there's not a lot else i can say. flawless.

cheers for now,
Jaclyn
It Never Happened

A thoroughly good read, based on the first five chapters. I can identify with so much of this story and can tell it is written from the heart. Not only that but it is, in my opinion, exceptionally well written. The first meeting with the counsellor makes particularly good reading. To add to the quality of the writing there is a subtle, but essential humour, just under the surface.
I have given a 6 star rating and put this book on my watchlist for some shelf time in the future. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger in my Life

I thought the meeting with the counsellor was very well done, with excellent dialogue. This is where the reader really gets to know Laylla. She is strong, determined , intelligent and stubborn. She has lived through a nightmare which she feels unable to discuss with the counsellor...I enjoyed Laylla's wit, even if the counsellor didn't!
Well written, with very real characters and a good pace, the fact that it's based on true life makes it even more powerful.
Good luck with this. I'm thinking (and hoping) it may be just the sort of book Harper Collins True Life is interested in publishing.
I will star rate and place on my shelf when I have a space.
Cherry
The Girl from Ithaca

This is great writing. The character are well-developed, the pace flows nicely, and the plot pulled me right in. I have a few pointers that I hope will be helpful, but they're very minor. Take what you need and ignore the rest.

Prologue

- I love the words on the stone, but I’m not sure I understand in what context you want the sentence in capitals to be. Is that also on the stone, or why is it in capitals?
- ‘cream petals for my mum(.) I set them down’
- The last paragraph suddenly jumps to present tense, so take an extra look at that.

Chapter 1

- Now I understand why you’re having capitals as a first sentence, but I still think it’s inappropriate for a site like this. We need only the text, not a fancy format.
- I don’t see why we need to know the year of the Toyota. It doesn’t tell us anything. We already know it’s new.
- ‘for two reasons(.) The first’
- ‘were around in numbers’? It doesn’t make sense. It sounds as if you’re talking about the fact that it’s July. So consider rearranging this sentence.
- ‘much persuading(.) She gathered her things’
- The paragraph starting ‘now, more than ever’ changes to present tense again
- The paragraph starting ‘when I was a child’ suddenly jumps into the past, and that’s fine, but I’d like some warning, some link to the paragraph above. You could have the sentence ‘I never wanted to see anyone upset’ to start the paragraph, in which case we’d understand why you suddenly jump back in time.
- Hah, I like Laylla’s attitude towards counseling. Especially the paragraph starting with ‘after Dad died’
- ‘probably (wanted) to have space’
- I've noticed you often use ‘nodded my head’ and ‘shrugged my shoulders’, in which case you only need ‘nodded’ and ‘shrugged’.
- ‘cleared her throat and (focused)’
- The talk about A levels and university should exist within the same speech-marks.
- I think something is missing between ‘she took out a filo-fax’ and ‘great!’
- ‘(focusing) intently’
- ‘toward (the) sea’
- ‘into a leather chair’, cut 'to'

Overall, this is a very well-written story with a strong plot and lovable characters. I think it'll do well!
High stars, and keep it up! :)

Sabina Frost
A Ghost Tale

Loved it

Laura

Did I say thank you? I will add you to my reading list.

Keith

This is excellent. Skillful, patient, intelligent, subtle writing. Shows great skills and control. Top marks, and l will back it as soon as a space opens up.


Scott Devon.
When Both Sides Surrender.

Laura,

As promised I have read the first two chapters of your book and here are my likes and dislikes:

Positive first of course!

LIKES:
The pitch is good. I also think the idea behind the book is a solid one. If this is a true story then I'm sure it will read even better as the reader will know that whatever you say is based on your own experiences.
The first chapter (not the prologue) is good. It is a good starting point to get us straight into the Laylla's world.
I liked the scene where she sees the girl in the mirror. I hope these brief insights into Laylla's mind continue through the book.

DISLIKES
The prologue for me is not strong enough and it is a bit cliched. Butterflies, blossom like a dream. All a bit samey for an opening chapter.
The tense should be the same throughout a book. Switching from present in the prologue to past tense in chptr 1 doesn't work. It confuses the reader.
Too much info! e.g. Do we need to know the colour of the flowers in the prologue? The start of the first chapter, for example noticing that the guy in the BMW was an old guy. Do we need to know this stuff? Sorry if it sounds harsh but each sentence should bring the book forward and for me there is way too much 'filler' What I would suggest is cutting chaptr 1 in half. Be ruthless. Condense the important points and tighten up your narrative.

Overall I think people will warm to Laylla and it is a story worth telling. Sorry I don't have more time to read further chapters but I would love a book like this to delve deep into the subconscious. Shock us, inform us, keep us on the edge of our seats. The dialogue with the counsellor for me is where this book clicks. Make Laylla a living nightmare. If this is a book that deals with phycological issue then we want our main characters to be really f**ked up (and this just means being as honest as possible. Reveal what you wouldn't want your best friend to know about you.) That is what will sell.

All of this is my opinion so obviously you can chose to ignore it. Either way I hope the 'dislikes' have got you thinking.

Best of luck with it. For now I will add to my WL and highly rate.

Eddie

This is your own story, isn't it? And it is beautiful - very well-written, lyrical almost. I'm glad you allowed us to see you becoming "stronger" before you ended your uploaded chapters. I still want to read the rest of your book though.

You do an amazing job at describing Laylla's grief process beginning with the lovely, almost peaceful imagery of her visiting her parents graves. And then, following that peaceful scene (although a bit sad), you showed her anger so well!: her refusing to attend counseling as much as her sister, Jess, did, but finally going to see Dr. Janet Holland. This is such an authentic emotional imagery that I began to assume it was what you went through, but perhaps I'm wrong?

Jess had her boyfriend, Mark, and Lizzie started to pull away also as you left for the University - so I can understand Laylla's lonliness and bitterness, and overwhelming fear of starting law school. Your friends at law school and the characters of your book are so well-drawn: Paul, Sara, Izzy, Gabe, Hayley, and Laylla's roommate, Genaya Watson. I'm so glad the group surrounded Laylla as they did and, especially, the support given by Genaya, who had been badly bullied in school and Paul, who lost his sister, Sophie, when Sophie was 3 and Paul was 7.

Laylla's Christmas was quite sad, but she felt like she was going home again when she returned to Hse. #8 and her friends. It's at this point, as they plan to rent a summer cottage and after Paul left Genaya for a job in Northern Scotland, that Laylla began to feel strong and independent and really pulling out of her depression over losing her parents.

Your story is very touching and so well written that i've no suggestions for improvement: outstanding imagery; authentic emotions; very natural dialogue. I enjoyed every word of it and am eager for you to be published so I can read the rest of your lovely work. Please let me know when this is published and you have my very best wishes for publication soon!

Sincerely
Patricia Laster

Hello Laura,
As promised I put your book on my watch list and now have read your prologue and first chapter. The general feel I get is of authenticity. The author's personality and emotions seem to add weight and deeper meaning to the words. There is a naturalness to the writing - it flows and it comes from the heart. Beneath The Blossom Tree promises the reader a full tilt at an emotional tale with lots of internal drama and much to draw them into their own experiences. I would say that any sensitive reader would enjoy the read and not be able to help becoming emotionally involved. Your book does what a good story should do - it is pleasing that you are getting so much joy out of your writing, it makes the effort all worthwhile. From a technical point of view I have nothing to say - I am sure you have had more than ample help - judging by past comments. Good luck and best wishes on your journey to the editor's desk.

I would appreciate it if you had a dip into my book sometime and gave me some feedback. My impression is that you are unusually emotionally perceptive and your input could only be most helpful.

Best Wishes,
Ayton Septar - WayLord

Added to my watch list for a read this weekend :D

Hi Laura,
First of all, I want to thank you for submitting such a quality real-time novel here on Authonomy.

Beneath The Blossom Tree is perhaps the most suitable title you could ever come up with for your book. The first chapter was very well structured in terms of description of Laylla Jonson's feelings. You've set the mood with a great voice and pace. I truly understand how she feels, as I know what it means to lose a dear parent. Only the ones who lost a first-degree parent can comprehend how peaceful and emotionally elevating graveyards can be. Both of them? Resting next to each other? This is even deeper. "Two soul mates are united." and you've summarized it.

My respects to you for putting it to words on a sheer platform from the beginning.

On the second chapter, I enjoyed the dialogue between Laylla and Dr. Janet Holland, which was a great tool to enlighten the reader on the current situation. This is what I call superb planning. Laylla is a tough girl, almost 18, and corrects Ms. Holland when necessary...I liked it very much. Lizzie and sister Jess's introduction was also timely.
I'll definitely come back to read more and support you with more comments from time to time. Beneath The Blossom Tree deserves to be WL'ed and backed when the time comes.
Congratulations, Laura!
Lucette Cohen Fins- Ten Deep Footprints

Hello Laura,
I am not much of a critic - never been my thing. Mainly I have been making documentary films and you might be able to use one of our editing techniques in your writing. We go thru different passes. Rough cut is one pass, fine edit next is another, ambient sound (on the video tape), narration pass, sound effects pass, fine edit, titles and credits pass - you get it. But it is an easy way to make sure everything is included. Maybe this won't help at all but it helped me edit my book this way.
Thanks, Jim

Extremely well-written and the characters very well drawn and the descriptions are highly effective. Watchlisted and starred . Would you be able to look at the first chapter of my novel ' A Buccaneer' which is set amongst Pirates in the 17th century , with best wishes from Strachan Gordon.

Nicely written story Laura -you have great potential in my humble opinion. The only pointers I'd give, and I'm not an expert -I'd have a bit more showing not telling at certain points and a bit more action somehow, early on. Otherwise, great story.

Hi Laura
thanks for backing my book -it means a lot to me.
I'll be reading your book later tonight...but for now let me just say thanks

Hey Laura,
I really like how well this story is written, it just flows so wonderfully. It's a nice easy read.
The descriptions were so vivid and really pulled you into the atmosphere, at the parent's house as well as at the grave, it was almost poetic.
You used first person rather well and I felt that I understand how Laylla felt when you learn that her parents are dead. I was really pulled into the story.

Kudos and high stars :)

- Bree

Hi Laura
Here are my comments based on reading your prologue and the first three chapters.
I was really taken with your flowing story about Laylla.
The scene by the grave and the blossom on the tree, the visit from the butterfly was so touching.
Laylla's hopes and fears and her struggle to begin counselling only to be helped to find her safe place in her head was great. The Dr Janet, was nicely written as was the keeping of the crochet blanket as that reminder through touch and smell of her mother. I loved your line...'I decided to hang onto Mum’s crochet blanket.  I hoped her scent would remain on it for the rest of my life.  It was all I kept.'.

The growing up, her sister Jess finding her own life with Mark, her friend Lizzie moving to Shefield all these feelings compounding the sense of abandonment. Then the move to Uni and room eight-o-one and meeting Genaya Watson, Paul and the others, with the hint of a new life and a new beginning, but always one tinged by past events and losses.
You tell the story with a free and enthraling style that is at times sad, and at others joyful. The senses of loss and hope mixed together like the butterflies need for risk. A well crafted tale, and from a person who has lived through the pain of watching a parent die of cancer it resonated with me.

On the writing side it was smooth and easy to read. One line I found that I stumbled with was when Laylla and Lizzie were opening their A level results...' I was concerned about getting into university at all.'  Perhaps.. I was simply concerned about getting into any university. Just one comment to take or leave.
A five star read from me and will keep you on my watch list.
D.J
The Ghost Shirt

This is a beautiful, touching story of Laylla losing both her parents at a young age. Having lost a parent to cancer, I truly felt her loss and especially appreciated when Laylla would see other people and remember her parents. This feeling of loss was superbly captured.

You have done a wonderful job with the descriptions of Laylla's pain and suffering. I could feel what she was going through, and yet even in her darkest hours, you brought in life to lift her up and move her forward. I really liked her friends at the Law school and how slowly she thawed, and was able to relate to them. I chuckled at the "potato" moment where they found everything hilarious. Paul was a puzzlement. He seemed interested in Laylla when he invited her out on a date, but if so, why hadn't he done it sooner?

The entrance of Jacob was a teaser, for now in the tenth chapter, we're left as to how this is going to develop. Great job and hope you do very well with your writing!
I rated this highly!

Best,
Patty Apostolides
"The Greek Maiden and the English Lord"

I have to say, I'm really impressed and moved by your book. It flows very well, is very easy to follow and draws he reader in to the life of Laylla. At the beginning I really felt her pain, and the lonliness as she moved in to university. I read uptp chapter four, then skipped to chapter ten just so I could see how Laylla was getting on. Jacob has only just been introduced, but I would look forward to reading how their relationship unfolds. I really think you have something here, so I good luck. My book is based on real-life events too, so I enjoy reading similar books. Let me know if you have any luck with agents, and if you have any tips about who to approach, and I'll do the same.

Lianne
Big Girl Lost

Only read through Chapter 3, but I found the story good. The cover is absolutely beautiful and so appropriate I think. The Prologue almost made me cry. My mother buried my father under a tree she had planted and used to always say "I'll be under that little tree" when she talked about dying. I found that there were a few grammatical mistakes. I will point them out if you need me to, but I was engrossed in the story and forgot to jot them down! I think that your book will do fine because a lot of people can relate to the story.

Good job.