Book Jacket

 

rank 5852
word count 10272
date submitted 22.04.2011
date updated 22.04.2011
genres: Fiction, Children's, Young Adult
classification: universal
incomplete

Treasure Lost

RG Cordiner

What do you treasure and how far would you go to find it?

 

Peter and Farren are two brothers who think adventure is sneaking into a pub or going rabbit hunting. Little do they know! Soon the youths are on a whirlwind trip of betrayal, daggers, self-discovery and a giant reticulated python! Somehow they have to find a way to stop fighting with each other, avoid a sadistic Navy Admiral and a mysterious cloaked pirate captain, whilst remembering to tap the biscuits on the side of the ship – maggots are never good for breakfast! “If you came for treasure it lies within, if you did not, what you treasure lies beyond your grasp.”

 
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tags

adventure, pirates, young adult

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3 comments

 

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briantodd wrote 725 days ago

Your first chapter is very atmospheric. The ragged bloodstained figure who accosts Peter and Farren is genuinely scary. This encounter reminded me of Jim H's encounter with Blind Pew or Pip's with Abel Magwitch. The odd map he hands over, before his apparent demise, and the promise of adventure contained within your pitch are great hooks. If you spent more time on this site, used your shelf etc.I am sure you would do well.

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RG Cordiner wrote 761 days ago

Thanks CSMith for taking the chance to have a look at it. A publican is the owner of a pub. The PMP - is a sound effect. I use them in my books to try and convey a bit more atmosphere. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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CSmith wrote 761 days ago

Love your writing style. Your word choices are really great too, especially when you were describing the ruffians and thugs - "etched on their faces" and "carved on their bodies" really got the image across. Two things I'm not really sure about: you have the word "publican" at the beginning of the second paragraph, and I'm not sure what this word means. Is it a mistake or do I need to grab my dictionary? Second - this could just be me, but I'm not understanding the significance of "PMP." I just keep seeing it as "pimp." But I loved your pitch (for me that's the real seller). Well done, and best of luck with your writing.

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