Book Jacket

 

rank 4840
word count 19877
date submitted 27.04.2011
date updated 05.05.2011
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
incomplete

Thyadia

R.W.Harris

The rise of a new species, the end of mankind!

 

Paving the path to the future war of 10,007 and the domination of earth's new rulers the Thyads.
Thomas Willem Harding plays his resentful part in the creation of the intelligent robotic's, based around his break through in Science.
Before long the house bots of 3007 are used by a corrupt military leader of an elite force called the Mariarma, with his new army of powerful troop's Harold Rammisson over throws the government and it's other forces.
But little to his knowledge the House bot's gain their own independence with every day that passes, Secretly building more and more of their counterpart's until they finally launch their own attack's against the Mariarma and the rest of the world and onto other planets such as Daktah (an earth like planet in habited by millions of Daktarian's).
After the completion of his project to build the house bot's Thomas is sent on a long vacation to Daktah, there he meets up with the D.I.A's (Daktarian intelligence agency) leading investigator Sereela, who is investigating the mental instability of Commander Rammisson. She discovers his intention's to command a robotic army and together with Thomas they set out to intercept his plan's.

 
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, action, adventure, future, robot, robotics, sci-fi

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The Loop

PREFACE

 

The fate of mankind has already been determined; Generations have massacred, tortured and destroyed all that is good and pure. With evolution,  extensive knowledge and advancements to benefit the human race multiply exponentially. All of us wanting the latest thing that everybody is talking about; paying no heed to the untoward outcomes, we continue to change the unnecessary through the indolent nature of man.

Is this inconsiderate or  naive? It is up to us all to decide, but decide is all, as a thought is a significant step from change.

 

The language used by humanity in 3005 has become so lazy that we would not recognize it in today’s society, long winded conversations abbreviated to a short synopsis.

So much for advancing!

Do not fret though; the events that follow have been translated into our twenty first century language.

Technologically there is much more advancement,  but, due to many wars and much loss, that advancement is limited.

 It is only through War and destruction that we learn the true cost of power and glory, but how many lessons must we learn before it is too late.

There will come a time when intelligence over steps the boundary, causing a catastrophe after catastrophe, that time is now.

 

-CHAPTER 1-

The Loop

 

EARTH 3005: Population 2.5 billion: Thomas Willem Harding knew long before his work began that it would end in disaster, yet he proceeded to change the way the human race lived and died, playing God if you will. A fate anyone can judge to be hazardous, but before you judge poor Thomas, we must understand his reasons.

It was late June, the winter of 3005 was coming to it's conclusion, Thomas Harding an anatomist for the newly re-erected GSK Pharmaceuticals building, stood in the slick white hallway of his dome shaped 500 square foot home, his larger evolved head on a medium built physique casting a silhouette down the corridor, drumming his six fingers on a protruding shelf in the wall. His matched beloved (a term now used in the third millennium.) Eliza, A beautiful, fair haired woman, startled his thought, tapping him on the shoulder.

    “Everything OK be-matched”  sending  him a look of sympathy,

    “Sure,  I'm fine,” he affirmed.

    “Better get the stuff together for the outing,” he added turning down the arched corridor, his matched beloved followed him through to the sleeping quarter of the building.

As Thomas packed the foil sachets of food and drink into an ultra light weight carry sack, Eliza watched him from the arched doorway.

    “You remember when we were matched, you told me that there would be nothing in your mind hidden from me?”

Thomas turned slowly with a glint of guilt in his eye,

    “It's nothing, I promise.”

He tried to reassure her, but Eliza just cocked her head to the side and gave him a stern look.

    “It's just my new post, I've just got a bad feeling about it,” he finally confessed, Eliza joined him in the sleeping quarter,

    “You can't be serious, this job is the best thing that has happened to this family”,  Thomas just sighed.  Bounding into the room came their little boy Jack.

    “Are we still going? Are we still going?” Asked the impatient  six year old boy, his angelic little face glowing with excitement, to which his parent's could do nothing but smile.

Eventually, the family were on their travels, in their white H2O fuelled auto mobile cantering along at approximately 20mph which was 5mph below the maximum speed limit of all roads, they arrived at a cliff edge overlooking the ruins of Old San Francisco.

They unpacked their prepared energy snacks labelled, protein, carbohydrates, fats, and fluids and lay them out on a silver blanket.

Little Jack looked across at the stunning destruction that lay before him awestruck at the site of the ruins spanning as far as the eye could see, a field of destruction.

    “Is all that from the War Dad?" 

    “It sure is... It was destroyed in World War four several centuries ago, slowly rebuilt it was finally the epicentre of World War fives attacks a hundred and sixty years ago, they decided it would cost too much to rebuild again, so it remains a tourist observatory site now.”

The family all look across at the ruins,  joined 20 feet or so away by two men also looking at the destruction. Thomas noticed that the men were staring at his family a little too closely, so he suggested that they returned to the vehicle to have some nourishment.

Sitting beside the vehicle he kept a close eye on the strangers, as his partner and son played, opening a foil sachet with the extra fingers that evolution had provided him, he called his son to come and get some refreshment, looking back once more revealed the men had disappeared, feeling a little uneasy he announced that they should get going, much to Jack's disapproval, they swiftly packed up all their gear and set off home.

 

A few weeks before that day...

Thomas had set off to work, he had only been at GSK pharmaceuticals for almost a year before he had been promoted to head of anatomic research and development by his boss Dr. Christopher James, his department had progressively been coming on leaps and bounds since the abolishment of the law against Euthanasia, They had an unlimited supply of human guinea pigs to work on to develop and find cures and advancements to the human body. Although Thomas was entirely in his element, he always felt culpable when working on the subjects.

A major break through came when Thomas and his team developed the means to extract genetic information from the female eggs and transplant it into synthetic tissue to produce viable limbs, hearts etc. along with a powerful painkiller which they called Morphine x, a drug, so strong it had instant pain relief for any cause. The CEO Christopher James opened a new wing at GSK and gathered his best team of scientist & biologist together, the new wing built for the intention of designing and building  the worlds first controllable robotic house slaves.

 

It was the beginning of May 3005 a normal passive few weeks went by, Thomas’s son Jack started his second semester of education at the Stuttgart school for gifted children, Jack’s mental aptitude being that of a child twice his age required a third of the family’s credits being spent on his educational needs. In class he regularly sits next a little girl with the genetic advancement of telepathic ability’s, similar to Jack although his not quite as developed.

 At the end of May 3005, Thomas was called to a meeting, he sat with an assembled small team of scientists and Dr. Christopher James who was giving instruction of his plans and requirements,  sat around a large table, the scientist were given their own task to diligently carry out the build of the robot's, Thomas's assignment was to implement his development in genetics by creating a synthetic brain to be implanted into the robot's, so they could anticipate human requirements, which would be controlled with neural transmitters linked to a computer server at GSK.

Thomas was outraged,  he warned of the dangers,

    “This is too unethical, we are not God's,” he slammed.

    “Why can we not use mechanically engineered intelligence,” he added to the discussion, but it was decided that the mechanics of such a design would be too unreliable,

    “Remember the events of 2470” informed Dr. Yohanne referring to a small rebellion of rogue robot's,

    “No, we need something the consumer can trust” Dr. James added, Thomas refused to be involved and stormed out of the meeting room. Soon after that meting Thomas was demoted and work continued on the build of household robot's.

Having broken the news to his be-matched, Eliza suggested they went out for the evening with Jack to take his mind off work, kitted out in silvery patched gear and light soft boots the family arrived at a fancy minimalistic restaurant.

Sat at adequately spaced tables, Thomas keyed into silver keypad embedded on their table, the food in which they would like to order, within 2 minute's a circular tube descending from the ceiling contained their order, the food was not like the silver ration packs, it was a more minimal portion.

    “I need to use the bathroom” little Jack stated holding his private area, Eliza smiled,

    “Do you need me to go with you,” she asked, Jack shook his head and darted for the EU (EXCREMENT/URINAL) disposal units,

Thomas and Eliza continued their meal's, whilst they had a discussion,

    “We have come out to forget your work Thomas, let's change the subject” Eliza requested.

    “Your right, sorry dear!”  Thomas then frowned looking at the EU door,

    “What's taking Jack so long?” Excusing himself from the table,

    “No I'll go, you relax” she left the table and entered the EU disposal unit,

Thomas sat slowly eating his food toying with the chewy meat in his mouth, he glanced at the door of the EU unit, slightly bemused he rolled up his sleeve to reveal embedded in his skin the time on his life watch, 15  minutes had passed since his son left the table, terrible thoughts passed through his mind so Thomas worryingly made his way to the EU disposal unit, just before his hand reached  the sensor on the door it opened and out came Eliza & Jack, Thomas breathed a sigh of relief,

    “Everything OK dear” Eliza appeared puzzled by his concern,  they all re seated,

    “Yeah, you were gone for a while”.

    “I know, Jack had problems with that new incinerating flushing system”, the three resumed eating their meal's and left the restaurant.

Cruising home, with the road lit up by road lamps as the white vehicle cantered along a busy road. They exited from the main roads onto a narrow lane, Thomas joked around with his family, but the vehicle began to slow and the on board safety computer spoke out,

    “Danger Object on Route” The vehicle halted, the lights along the section of the road flicked out, Jack panicked in the darkness,

    “What's Happening Daddy,” he cried, Eliza reached for his hand as Thomas slid his door back and climbed out closing the door behind him,

    “Be careful” Eliza said as he scanned around, looking behind he could see the road lamps over a hundred yards away still on, the same in the other direction,

    “It may be just an animal escaped onto the road,” he said reassuringly as he walked forward,

    “Shoo?” he gestured about twenty feet in front of the vehicle when,     “THUD!” he was knocked to the ground as far as his knee's, dazed and blurry eyed, he tried to stand only to fail and fall back to his knee's, the lights flicked back on, all he could hear is the humming sound of his vehicle hurtling towards him, but it accelerated passed him, the last image he saw before passing out was Eliza and Jacks face and that of a strange man zooming passed him at twenty five miles an hour.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jack Vantage wrote 21 days ago

Nice and Techy. An anabundance of science knowledge. Think you have a good idea, and could be unreal.

Think you'll love my sci-fi novel. The first four chapters are there to read.

Stephen James
Millennium Zero G

bekmars wrote 779 days ago

I think you're off to a good start. You definitely have a good grip on the description aspect of storytelling--I could picture everything clearly in my mind. However, I'm having trouble figuring out if Thomas' story is the main story or if the main story is yet to come...maybe it's just me, but you might want to clarify that.

I saw some mix-ups with the possessives and the plurals (persons vs. person's, bots vs. bot's, etc.), but that's an easy fix. Also, your dialogue might become much more potent if you start a new paragraph with each change of speaker--for sure it will help the story read easier and clearer.

Other than that, you've got a great story ahead of you to write! I'm interested to see how it turns out. Happy writing!

Bek Mars--author of DarkStar

H.W.Ryan wrote 781 days ago

Hi thanks for taking the time to read and be truthful about my book, I don't understand how people can't criticise a rough draft of anything. Just wanted to point out, the scene where Jack uses the toilet is more relevent later in the story, as it shows Thomas being cautious for some reason, which pay's off later. The heavy use of dialogue tag's stems to me writing children's picture books, I forget to up the age level sometimes.lol
lastly I opted to share the information about what as happened in history as a way of showing that even though we (humans) made mistakes in the past, we still do not learn from them later in the book. As for the other details I'm always glad when people point out small mistakes, it helps with the second draft.

Kind Regards Ryan

BW Cassidy wrote 781 days ago

I thought this started very well. I don't usually like a preface in a novel, but this time it worked very well, drawing the readers attention into the book and making them want to read more. Chapter One also started very well, with subtle hints, such as the six fingers, the 25mph spped limit, and I particularly liked 'winter still in June'... Something is definately wrong, and you want to find out why.
After that however, I thought there were problems... I can see that you wanted to lead into the scene where Thomas was assaulted on the road, but I'm not sure that discussing Jacks need to use the toilet was the best way to do it. It might have been better employed filling in some background detail.
There was also a very heavy use of 'dialogue tags', (that is, he said, she said, Eliza chuckled, etc...) which isn't really required as for most of the time there are only two people speaking anyway. I'm also led to believe that it annoys editors, literary agents and publishers.
As the book progresses, you feel the need to fill in lots of over-detailed history... When I speak I don't feel the need to tell everyone I got the vote because of the Great Reform act of 1832, and neither should your characters. I think a lot of sci fi & fantasy writers get around this through adding a chronology as an appendix, or maps to the text.
There were also a few typo's - Eliza initially was described as a beautiful....women (instead of woman). The 'newly re erected GSK Pharmaceuticals' - Was that a re-erected building, or a newly reformed company.
Shortly before the chapters end, 'Cruising home with the road lit up....' is an incomplete sentence.

All in all, I thought this was promising, although it is still as you say only a 'rough draft'. It needs quite a lot of tightening up - which might reduce the word count substantially (no bad thing in itself).

writingbear wrote 782 days ago

R.W.,
I checked out you outstanding book, THYADIA. You have a real good book on your hands and I decided to back it. Please check out my novels DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS or MY GENTLEMAN FRIEND, for your possible backing. Your help will be appreciated. Good luck and happy writing.

Dwain-Thomas

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