Book Jacket

 

rank 776
word count 125577
date submitted 27.04.2011
date updated 10.09.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Religiou...
classification: adult
complete

The Shout of the Phoenix

Joel Taveras

A transformative journey collides with the unraveling of a mysterious book, a search for true love,
foreign cultures, the human condition, religion, mythology, and sex.

 

Angel is living the perfect life in New York City. His family name “The Olmos” has opened doors for him
to get anywhere he wants and is to be the heir of a powerful inheritance. Life has no limits when it comes to love, fame, sex and pleasure for a young man whose future is financially charted out.
However, his life begins to change drastically after a terrible accident forces him to find the real meaning of life in a
transformative journey that takes him across the globe to Asia,Europe and Africa. In this journey, where he battles his own mortality, having lost all of his money/material possessions, encountering powerful opponents, loosing the bonds of family ties, fallen from grace and prestige and in search for his true love, he discovers that the most precious treasures anyone can possess is friendship and finding one self in spite of difficult and adverse obstacles.
Everything comes to a halt in his thorny path when a mysterious man on a plane and a lost book finally reveal the long awaited for answers for a journey that posed multiple possibilities on a person whose life journey was to fill an empty void.

 
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tags

africa, art, astrology, bisexual, buddhism, cancer, catholicism, destiny, diseases, erotic, fame, fate, greece, hinduism, hiv, india, metamorphosis, m...

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Chapters

53

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Chapter 51 What Goes Around Comes Around

Chapter Fifty One

                   What Goes Around Comes Around 

 

The limo drove off in ferocious speed, as it drove Virginia tried to remain calm as Angel, but given that she held his hand so tightly it only made it apparent that she was scared.

“Israel why are you doing this? I am your brother….why? How could this not be over?”

There was no response following Angel’s comment, he closed the internal window that separated the front area from the back, and it wasn’t what his reply would have been what was scary, but his utter and complete silence. A person with so much rage and toxic venom inside as Israel is a terrifying thing to imagine, but what might be brewing in the subconscious and not verbally expressed is worse.

“Angel I thought you said he was locked in an insane asylum….how did he…?”

“I don’t know, I don’t understand ….maybe he escaped? Or got released…”

that’s not possible! He tried to commit a murder, how can he be released….Angel I am so scared, why is this happening to us on our wedding day?” 

- Virginia mumbled about to break down in an attack of hysteria

“Everything’s going to be ok, I’ll protect you no matter what….he won’t hurt you, and I’m sure it’s me the one he wants…”

“He probably still harbors resentment for the failure of our marriage and blames you…..God this is all my fault, I never should have initiated anything with him”

 

Angels cell phone rings, he reaches his tuxedo jacket to get it….

The window rolls down,

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you…..” Israel warns with a grin on his face, visible by the reflection on the overhead mirror on top of him

if I don’t pick this up, people will begin to wonder where we are….Israel we just got married, we have a flight to catch, people will suspect if I don’t pick up…”

Very intelligently, Angel tries to find a way to talk on the phone and ask for help

- “you know what, you are actually right buddy, why don’t you pick  up….Ooh and please put it on speaker phone so that we can all hear the boring conversation, and please follow my instructions, or ill have to blow your wives fucking brains out….Capiche?”

Angel pressed the speaker phone button and picked up the call,

“Hello…” Angel answers

 

“Ooh, and by the way, please don’t try to send any funny text messages crying for help” Israel adds.

 

“Angel my friend how are you?” the mysterious voice on the other end asks, obviously a man, with a recognizable accent

“Who is this?” Angel asks with no clue as to who that could be

“You forgot about me already my friend? Well don’t worry I have not forgotten about you”

Angel looked at Virginia perplexed and puzzled, she was just as clueless as he was…

“Time is up” Israel shouts from the front seat, discretely

Suddenly a baby starts crying in the background of the other end of the phone…

It sounded familiar

you know Angel, she truly is a beauty….just like her mother….so funny, I often thought she would have my color………”

 

It was at this point that Angel realized who it was.

Added to the stress and the worry of being kidnapped by Israel headed to an unknown destination, now Flora was in the hands of her dangerous biological father.

In the background it was notable that he was in an airport

 

“FLIGHT 213 WILL BE BOARDING IN 45 MINUTES” a voice said

“You know Angel, I really want to thank you for taking care of my child, but she’s with her real daddy now, so I relieve you off your duties…”

Bomani WAIT!!!!!”

And the connection is broken after Bomani hangs up

wow, tonight really isn’t your night buddy, your losing your wife and your daughter ….and both on your wedding day….its sublimely poetic don’t you think?’ Israel implies with venomous malice, even joy.

It was at this moment that Angel was about to break down and lose control, his facial expression conveyed anger and fear as well as Virginia who know feared for Flora’s life.

Suddenly it began to pour, the skies had been cloudy all day with signs that it may rain, now at almost 12 midnight it began to pour and rain uncontrollably

 

“Israel where are you taking us?” Virginia asks no longer masquerading her fear

“Patience my gorgeous blond, we are almost there….ever been to the Bronx?”.

 

The car parked right in front of a very quiet low class neighborhood, in front of an abandoned building under construction.

 

Everything was a blur, how had Israel escaped? How did Bomani get released from jail? Is Fabio alive, or was he heart in a struggle to protect Flora?

So many questions, and all Angel had was a black strip of thoughts in his head.

He held Virginia’s hand tight, tears of fear ran down her cheeks, her hand was shaking, her palms sweaty. Israel opened the door with the gun pointed at Virginia…

don’t even try anything or I’ll blow your head off” 

 

Virginia got out, her dress got immediately wet by the intense fall of the rain,

Angel followed after them while Israel walked towards the abandoned building with the gun pointed at Virginia. The abandoned building had broken windows and the only light was provided by a few lit light bulbs, Israel walked behind Angel and Virginia with the pointed gun and ordered them to go up the stairs up to the fourth floor.

Virginia and Angel, both holding hands stood by the corner.

 

“Israel, our daughter is in danger, whatever vendetta you have against us can be repaid later, but please let us go….the life of an innocent child is in the hands of a criminal”

I pleaded to Israel

if compassion and over sentimentalism were my strongest traits I don’t think I would be here” he replied, then he added

“Listen closely, I don’t give a fuck about your child, I only care about making you both pay for humiliating me….”

what are you tal…” Virginia cuts in about to lose control

don’t talk unless you’re spoken to you common whore!!!! You distasteful slut!! You fucking concubine!!! Telling me our marriage couldn’t work because you were still in love with this fucking fag!”

“why are you still holding resentment for something that happened years ago….Israel I’m sorry, I was as honest as I possibly could be, you didn’t deserve to be lied to…I never meant to hurt you”

you are just like mother! YOU PREFERED HIM OVER ME!” 

“Israel ….please…this is irrational, I know deep down inside a part of you knows that’s not true…mother loved us both, equally” I replied in an attempt to remind Israel of our past with mother

“You fucking sinner…..how can you stand in an altar of God, how can you stand in a church marrying a woman when all your fucking life you’ve been sucking cock!”

Israel took his gun and pointed it at Angel

well if sucking is your thing…here…suck on this...” Israel placed the gun on Angel mouth

open your fucking mouth!!!” 

He screamed, the veins around his forehead and his neck were popping out and his eyes were like that of  a bull ready to slay his prey.

 

Meanwhile time was running out, for Bomani was still in the airport with Flora.

As to how this was legally possible, is something that is not present in Angels and Virginias heads.

 

The rain continued to fall, the full moon’s light was enough to illuminate the sky, everyone at the ceremony was wondering where the bride and groom were.

Israel had his hostages while Bomani had his, the power of three was about to get reduced. That’s the thing about karma, you can’t escape it, that’s the thing about lessons, they show up unannounced simply ready to test you in every single way.

Just when you think it’s over, it seems to just be the beginning.

Though Angel and Virginia had love for one another they were unaware that their actions would eventually catch up to them, now with common enemies who had  the sole purpose of destroying them they have but each other to simply make it to the end…….the thing is, this time is not about them anymore, there is an innocent life at  stake, a pure soul that just entered this world with no fault for the mistakes of their parents, Flora, but what mistakes had her mother made that this child was paying the price? And then it’s easy to see that despite the difficulties that life presents us it is always confusion and misunderstandings that make it all worse.

The rain continued to fall, the hours of the night passed by one by one, and the lives of many were at stake.

 

Angel knew there was little time left, his daughter was in danger and somehow he had to protect her, but how?


 
“Israel, you know the one you want is me, let her go and do with me whatever it is you want…you have me here already, kill me and this can be over”

and let her walk away to alert the cops? You just don’t fucking get it do you!”

“Israel she had done nothing wrong, please just…”

“Nothing wrong you say? -

So marrying me to get over you and divorcing me because she still loved you was not wrong?”

Virginia pleads for forgiveness…..

you really think I’m crazy don’t you? You still don’t get it….when we were in that roof and I was about to shoot you and that fucking fagot, I knew I had no way out, I was surrounded….how else was I supposed to avoid jail if not by pleading insanity….so I made sure I put up an act that showcased what  a nut job I was and there, I got an out of jail card” Israel laughs

“True it was hard…and it did require too much patience, but I’d knew I’d be worth the wait.”

I knew time was being wasted, and that every minute gone was an advantageous opportunity for Bomani to run away with Flora. I made Kathleen a promise, that I would protect that child’s life with my very own…and if I die trying then so be it.

 

“First with mother, then with Virginia, and you couldn’t stop there, you had to have Fabio too!! Dear brother, if I were as crazy as you think I am I would hot have been so elaborate in my escape, difficult but I managed”

 

Sirens began to make themselves noticeable, suddenly Israel and both of us hostages were able to see through the window that a troop of cop cars were waiting, Israel looked terrified feeling his time was up, that’s the thing about a psycho in the middle of a manic episode, their work is sloppy and their trail are marked for a chase.

 

even if they kill me or take me to jail I’m not leaving without dragging you both with me…I would have accomplished my mission” Israel states continuing with malice and venom, with a tone of hate and anger

how could you have so much hate in your soul? How? You had every opportunity to make of your life whatever you wanted from it, how could you let it sink to this? You are drowning in a mess of a life Israel, why?”

 

Angel looked at his brother, this time without pity nor anger nor fear, but with genuine sadness that a soul so close to him had sunk so low….

 

you are my mother’s son, even at times like this I can’t possible hate you” he tells Israel

“I want so bad to help you brother, let me help you please, there is still time”

Israel’s eyes begin to get watery, his facial expression showed much confusion and his eyes only looked like that of a lost soul

you, you had it all…you had it all…..NOT ME!!”

“you’re wrong Israel, I had nothing, I was no one, it was all apparent that I was happy but inside I was empty,  you have no idea the price that I had to pay to be here today. I guarantee you that whatever I did to you, my debt has been paid, If you knew the lessons life had to teach me for me to change maybe you wouldn’t hate me so much Israel”

Somehow Angel’s words were penetrating Israel, Angel noticed so he continued…

“you want to make me suffer…..well take your pick- I‘ve suffered enough for one life time, I got hit by a truck, I almost died, I got diagnosed with a terminal disease that will eventually and slowly deteriorate me, I had to engage in clandestine affairs that were slowly destroying me  inside trying to fill the loneliness and lack of purpose in my soul-only to find true love now after so many years and loose it to you along with my daughter? I lost my best friend whom I had to watch slowly die and now I’m responsible for a life, I was homeless until I was luckily rescued and every day is a new challenge that life presents, a life I had to learn on my own how to get ahead because that family name we once possessed is nothing now, that fortune we were heir to dissolved into air, and all though life gets complicated I don’t fill my soul up with hate and anger, you know what I do instead? I pray, I look to God for guidance, I seek forgiveness, I try with every fiber of my being to change into a better person…..and you think I took something from you? You tell me now what have I taken that leaves me indebted to you?”

 

Israel stood there, silently looking at Angel, a tear dropped from his left eye, he lowered his gun and looked at Angel

 

How could you not hate me? I tried to kill you before, I ruined your wedding day and all through our childhood I mistreated you and made your life miserable….even before you were born I hated you, I’ve drowned in a poisonous pool of envy… how can you stand there telling me you don’t hate me?”

I simply looked at him straight in the eye

because even though it took me a very long time to understand it, hate and anger are not the way….” I turn to Virginia and grab her hand

 

“…love is”

 

Israel broke down and cried, he kneeled on the floor and released the gun, he looked at Angel and felt embarrassed and ashamed, he then got up and ran down the stairs leaving Virginia and Angel in the empty room and when he go to the main entrance and witnessed all those cops waiting for him  he walked two steps forward and gave himself in. Virginia and Angel witnessed from the window when Israel was taken inside of the police vehicle cuffed, the commissioner went up to the room where Angel and Virginia were taken hostage and informed them Israel had confessed to everything. Virginia hugged her husband.

 

 

“your brother, he’s not…well…..he’ll be facing charges for attempted murder, kidnapping, assault and escaping, will all those charges he’s looking at life in prison”

Said the commissioner

yes he’s not well, but in the end he did the right thing, will he receive any kind of help…psychologically I mean?” I ask

we can look into that sir” the commissioner replied

our daughter is kidnapped in JFK airport, please we have to rescue her we have to go now!” Virginia  pleaded, and the commissioner took them himself to the airport in his car.

 

The commissioner had cops all over the airport, off coarse Bomani was wise to have a private jet waiting for him to leave with Flora, luckily right before Bomani boarded the jet the commissioner pulled up with his vehicle in front of the jet, Bomani turned around at the officers demand and took a few steps down from the ladder that was ascending him to the jet, he had Flora in his arms, she cried and cried so loud everyone could hear her, I got out of the car and ran to Bomani 

give her to me, you’re surrounded what’s the point?”

Bomani looked at me, still in the ladder with Virginia by the commissioner who had his gun pointed at Bomani as well as 10 other police officers who surrounded the jet.

By now it was already 6am. The sun was almost out and the cloak of night was gone.

 

“She is mine!!! My blood runs through her veins, NOT YOURS!” Bomani screams to me like a desperate man longing to be heard

it may be your blood in her veins, but it was her mother’s last wish that I take care of her…. look at you, you’re a criminal and you want to raise this child?”

And Bomani laughs

raise her? I don’t want to raise her you fool, I can care less for this baby, but since Kathleen is not here herself to pay for what she did to me then her daughter will!”

what has she done to you? It was you who lied, it was you who used her to steal medicine and sell it in the black market it was you who…”

“IT WAS ME WHO SHE THREW IN PRISON!!!”

what?” I reply stunned and shocked

years ago when she was a defense attorney in court, it was me in the opposite side of the courtroom….it was me who went to jail because of her”

all this time you….you….”

“all this time she had no idea who I was, cleaned up with a different name and a different job in another setting she never recognized me, she never realized I was that negro she put away….you know Angel, prison did teach me a thing or two….and it surely didn’t help having so much time to myself to feed this desire for vengeance”

I looked at him with astonishment, fear, and wondered how I would take Flora from him without hurting her, at this point I was no longer dealing with a psycho in the middle of a break down like my brother, a sloppy fool with so much hate it was self destructive and blinding, this man however, was not sloppy….on the contrary he was skillful and intelligent, truly terrifying and even worse…justifiably and understandingly in his own right to be so angry…unfortunately my focus was placed in saving my daughter from this mad man not psycho analyze him…I also noticed this surrounding was far more advantageous than the previous one  for I was backed up by the cops, I had an opportunity to save Flora and I would use it wisely….if only I figured out how…

every day in that prison cell I swore she would pay and when I was given a second  trial I appealed and was released, but I swore that woman would pay and now she will”

this is your daughter we are talking about here, you said it yourself YOUR own blood, how can you be so cold towards an innocent child, Kathleen is already dead LET HER REST IN PEACE!!!”

step away from the jet” the cops warned Bomani 

Bomani wouldn’t listen and turned around, quickly one of the cops shot his leg counting on me to rescue Flora in a quick move.

Bomani almost fell, but I was able to grab Flora preventing a fall from Bomani’s arm, Bomani fell to his demise on the steps.

 

He thought he had a chance to escape as he crawled to the door of the plane, he realized he was surrounded but wanted to try and get away any ways.

 

 

Virginia ran to me and held me while I carried baby Flora who repeatedly cried, I looked at the sky

“Thank you for saving her God, Thank you”

Virginia cried,

They were finally saved. The danger was over.

But it would take time to heal from such a traumatic experience; luckily they now truly have each other to move forward and all the time in the world to do so.

It was a miracle Bomani did not  succeed in taking little Flora away, as well as it was that Israel came to his senses at the very last moment and realized he was making an irreversible mistake.

 

They say that what goes around comes around, they say that the mistakes we make in life eventually catch up to us, they say that in previous lives we did things that we are paying for now in this life.

I had learned long ago what karma is, it comes back to you and reclaims payment and that our actions have an equal or opposite reaction, that the result is a consequence that forces us to look back and make us realize we did it all wrong.

I always knew Kathleen was ambitious, I always knew she had a streak to win and never look back and I always knew she had the cold heart to overcome any obstacle that laid in front of her even if that implied destroying others in order for her to get ahead.

After all this was over I learned Bomanis hate had to originate from somewhere and so I researched Kathleen’s old files in her home, old newspaper articles from that case, and I when I found the truth I was shocked.

 

Bomani was an innocent man Kathleen sent to jail for the sole purpose of not losing a case. Now I understand her sudden desire to leave her career behind, for how could she be happy after what she did? The guilt was slowly killing her inside.

 

She was a good woman.

She was my best friend.

And regardless of her mistakes I will always love her.

Her mistake however, almost cost Flora’s life. Her mistake almost cost me my life.

 

I needed to make amends with Bomani. He was a crazy man, but I knew that all Kathleen did was awaken his dark side by making sure he rotted in a prison cell.

As to whether she intentionally wanted his destruction, or simply did it because it was her ‘job’ to do so we’ll never know.

I understand now why  she didn’t want to be in Africa, for she saw the face of the man she help put away in every person there.

It was not fear for her life that plagued her and tormented her,

But guilt.

 

One thing I did know, and that was that I was ready to leave New York once and for all with my family.

 

What goes around does indeed come around; unfortunately it doesn’t always come back to us, even worse….

It comes to prey on the people we love most.

 

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53

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Neville wrote 342 days ago

The Shout of the Phoenix.
By Joel M. Taveras E.


Without sounding too patronizing, I think that the book is very well written and laid out for that matter—A fascinating prologue, I must say.
You’ve put to paper a story with deep emotional issues for your main character, Angel Olmos who’s suffered a near death experience after the roadside accident.
He questions his way of life, the puppet of a father rich and influential enough to have a bearing on any future he has.
The scene in the hospital gives great clarity to the reader as Angel passes between life and death, pulled back by a vision of a somewhat lost friend, his eyes, his voice—they were definitely his!
Emphasis of the miracle is apparent when the doctors and staff agree to seeing no one or hearing any voice either.
The plane journey is a good Idea to bring out the story, the old man next to him on the flight, listening to Angel as he pours out the events of his life. The ten hour flight should be ample and relieve any boredom—the old man is a good listener any way, he’s willing to hear all, and Angel’s keen to tell.
A great story here, and quite a long one so I shall be coming back to it more than a couple of times, but come back I will…most intriguing!
Highly starred for now!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

JT28 wrote 350 days ago

This story is so powerful beyond words. Excellent writing, although a few typos, nothing truly major.
The style of this book is intensely unique, separating a story that spans over the course of many years and many parts of the world, the characters are quite interesting,however none compare to Angel and his near death experience, the introduction and the way the prologue is set up is a clever way to hook the reader. And boy was I hooked! I will actually finish this book because it has all the makings of a delightful and insightful summer read.

6 Stars !
Best,
Jeremiah Trevors.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 363 days ago

SHOUT OF THE PHOENIX
This is a story written with a wonderful flowing writing style that includes a mixture of poetry and philosophy. I’m glad you reviewed what is a Phoenix at the beginning; I know people use that reference all the time but wasn’t rally familiar with the inside scoop on “rising like a Phoenix” meant (guess I should read less “chick lit”. Angel makes a good main character; the description of how he feels as he’s dying is very well written. I don’t quite understand why parts of each chapter are written in third person, but okay. It gave an overall perspective on things rather than just a story told from one side. A small thing: several times you use “weather” when the word should be “whether”. Either way, this is good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Lourdes wrote 372 days ago

Dear Joel,
There's a poetic quality to your work. Are you a philosopher, or, are you merely an exceptional writer with the ability to hook and keep your reader?
Often i find it hard to stay with a story. I tell myself that maybe it'll all make sense in chapter two, but some of the time that's where i put it down. With the Shout of the Phoenix, in spite of some typos along the way, i couldn't leave it. The candid way you tell the story grabbed me, you made it come alive, with awesome descriptions of the characters' surroundings.
Very well done, very enjoyable.
Six stars and i wish i could give you more. I want to see you on my shelf for a while.Thanks for sharing.
Maria xxx
The Path to Survival

rikasworld wrote 397 days ago

Love the introductory description of what a phoenix is. Love phoenix literature in general. This is a real epic and poetic novel from what I've read and to be taken seriously.

Kate LaRue wrote 118 days ago

Quite a well-written beginning. The prose has a lyrical quality to it, and the imagery of the phoenix juxtaposed to the trials that humans must rise above is lovely. Angel's transformative journey should resonate with readers. Best wishes with this and all your endeavors.
Kate

Trailer Bride wrote 122 days ago

Great book ... gave it high stars ... gotta say you're a very good writer, and the introduction was fantastic. Though its not my kind of book i have to recognize it is well constructed, and i must get to the ending to give it a proper review. But so far so good ... Best, Evie (The Order of the Phoenix)

Jaclyn Aurore wrote 122 days ago

Return read:

this book is awesome! i meant to only peruse whiile making minor notes but i got sucked into Angel's journey and needed to find the answers with him...

this book reminds me a lot of Kate LaRue's Fade (see my shelf for link), I think you should read that, you'll probably love it as much as I do :)

highly starred - thanks for inviting me to read

Jaclyn x
It Never Happened

JMTE23 wrote 123 days ago

Lucette thank you so much for your comment !

LCF Quartet wrote 123 days ago

Hi Joel,
Though it's been more than three months that I've read your book, I remember I liked the story. Today, I chose a random chapter to read, and it's 50 (48).

Your writing style is fluid, unrestricted and descriptive. I also found the dialogue parts well structured.

This city had been his home for years, and with no time it would be but a mere setting in which his soul learned to evolve and grow. (I loved this line).

6 stars remain for this strong story...
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Seringapatam wrote 155 days ago

Joel, There are some strong comments here, but I loved this book. I think sometimes when we write a lot we tend to read something as a writer and not a reader. I am not saying folk are wrong and yes there are some minor editing issues, but take a pat on the back. the way you have mixed the written word with poetry and delivered it in this manner is really cool. I liked this a lot and will be scoring it high.
Sean Connolly British Army on the Rampage. (BAOR)

Lenny Banks wrote 225 days ago

Hi Joel, I checked out chapter 4 (5 on here). You have a talent for telling a story, I like the way you present the flashback in the story that tells Angels story. The dialogue is good and it is clear you have put a lot of work into this. I enjoyed the read, I like characters who seem good but also have a dark side, I may return (when I get chance) to see if I can find the good side of him. Good Luck with this book.

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock.

LCF Quartet wrote 232 days ago

Hi Joel,
I just came across your book while I was searching an interesting book to read. Here are my comments;

Your first person voice is flawless and obviously you're a talented wordsmith. The pace is timely and I liked the opening paragraph...it was strong.

The transition of life and death, as well as the angelistic approach is reflected in an authentic manner.
I gave you 6/6 stars and wish you a lot of success with THE SHOUT of the PHOENIX.

Lucette Cohen Fins- Ten Deep Footprints

Owen Dorr wrote 235 days ago

This book has a poetry all of its own. Though it is not my style of book I found it on the whole well written and well paced.
I would suggest you relook at chapter one again where you have several times mixed up your past and present tenses.That is nit picking on my part but it will help it to flow better.
Those and a few missing words in chapter two will all be ironed out in the editing stage.
Good Luck
Owen Dorr.

JMTE23 wrote 253 days ago

Tod thank you so very much for your suggestions ! And for taking the time to read my tale ...

Best,

Joel

Tod Schneider wrote 254 days ago

This is an intriguing tale! I found myself compelled to read on as I tried to grasp the story, so clearly you're doing something right! It has a hypnotic rhythm to it that works quite well.
Critique-wise, if I was to work on just one thing it would just be to carefully line edit for errata, as I found quite a few. All chippy stuff, but they add up:
Chapter one: "Weather a person believes..." should be WHETHER a person believes...
Weather read in bokos see in movies or hear... should be WHETHER read in books SEEN in movies or HEARD...
"do on to others" should be "do unto others"
Chapter two:
he wont be able should be WON'T be able
"the older man sitting next to him was chatter..". should be something, but I'm not sure what you meant by chatter here.
"As I was crossing the street in Spring st..." should b AT Spring St.
"detaching itself form..." should be FROM
"the monitor loose it's pulse" should be LOSE it's pulse.
Those were just the first ones I stumbled upon, so my guess is there's probably lots more to fix. As I said, chippy stuff, but lots of it. Worth fixing, for sure, as once those are out of the way the rest is really good stuff.
Best of luck with this!
And if you have any interest in children's literature, please do visit the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Walt Bridges wrote 310 days ago

Interesting book so far. I have only read a brief portion for now. Will certainly have another look at it as time permits. Just wanted to say it appears to be well written and you do a good job in the beginning couple of chapters that I have read.

Regards,
Walt

Daniel Rider wrote 332 days ago

I have read the prologue and first chapter of "The Shout of the Phoenix" and I can confirm what some other reviewers have said about this book having some poetic writing. Particularly as Angel transcends toward Heaven (presumably), leaving his body behind, the writing is very strong and descriptive, with passages like "I could not sense or hear anything for all that I knew was that I was one with the clouds, an essence..." This is nicely done.

That said, this still does seem to be a piece in the early stages, still requiring editing and revision. It's interesting, but I would love to see it with more polish.

Here are some areas I might consider thinking about and revising:

1) The introduction. Is it actually necessary? Perhaps. It's not bad, really, but my question would be if what is said here really adds on to the story and how? The description/explanation of the phoenix is done well here, and even though I already knew about the phoenix, I imagine other readers might appreciate the refresher.

2) There seems to be too much going on. I wanted to get into the actual story, but between the introduction, the italicized scenes on the plane, and the poem, it just seemed to be very cluttered. I would consider what scenes/thoughts are vital to getting the main story across, and pare down a bit more. I'm not saying get rid of the three parts I mentioned, but that the three of them together seem to be blocking the complete enjoyment of the story.

3) I hate to say this, but I feel I have to. The near-death experience at the beginning is well done, but in terms of stories, it's quite frankly been done already, and often quite well. The problem when one writes a scene that's been done many times is that it might tend to be cliche. The poetic nature of your writing does help the scene stand out a bit, but I do think you could do more to make yours more special. More detail would be great, perhaps of the accident, maybe especially of the man who called the narrator back. (There's also the option of cutting the scene and starting later, but I have the feeling that this scene will be required reading for what lies ahead.)

4) Editing is a must here. I wouldn't focus on editing until after you've had time to do some serious soul-searching and rewriting, and you are totally happy with the story you've produced. However, when you're completely happy, fix up any errors (but maybe fix up the first few sections now so they shine.)

Some errors I noticed:

--the misspelling of "lose" as "loose"

--Lucky for him, the old man next to him was a chatterer (not "chatter")

--Comma splices like the one in "After my spirit drifts upward..." That comma really should be a period. (There are other comma splices; watch for them.

There are some interesting and promising points to this beginning, but I'd like to see a more polished, more focused version of this. Please let me know if you make changes.

Daniel RIder
"Indian Summer"

David Olawoyin wrote 333 days ago

One thing that is unmistakable is your passion for your story, and from what I read it is a story with a definite potential in its genre. Nevertheless, it is still a work in progress.

Cara Gold wrote 334 days ago

{The Shout of the Phoenix} – Joel M Taveras E
I read the prologue and first two chapters, and must say I was touched by the spiritual flair of your writing. I like the premise and you engage the reader with your protagonist’s thoughts and spirituality.

The symbolic use of the ‘phoenix’ is terrific, and highlights some of the themes you explore – to do with the cycle of life, growth, death, rebirth.. Also reminds me of some parts of my book, because I use fire symbolically also!

The poetic touches to finish the chapters off are very nicely done, and add something unique to your writing.
I hope to return for more soon. Best of luck with this!
Thanks so much for your comment on my book, it means a lot to me that you enjoyed what you read!

Cara
‘The Awakening: Dawn of Destruction’

----
p.s. here are some more detailed editorial notes I made, hope they will be useful to you! All humble suggestions of course, so feel free to take or leave anything!

Prologue

First line, do you mean ‘they were only the settings of events in my life that forced me to look at things quite differently’? not sure the sentence just confused me a little.

I’d full stop and say; ‘500 years. Eventually that fire consumes ::the:: bird and it is burned until it ::turns to:: ashes.’

‘whether’ not ‘weather’

Chapter 1

I’d remove some of the ellipses in opening para perhaps, so as not to overdo the effect?

I’d have comma and ‘the meaningless, never-ending love affairs’

comma and I’d say; ‘It was a beautiful and sunny fall day, and as I walkd the streets, I could not help….’ → removes repetition of ‘day’

Perhaps ‘looking down I see my immobile body in a hospital bed, my eyes open and my :breath: gone’ (not ‘breathe’, it is the verb)

‘heaven’, I think needs capitalization?

Comma; ‘spirit merge with my body, and before I could even think twice…’ also ‘merging’ with the clouds, perhaps another verb instead of ‘merging’ to eliminate the repetition of ‘merge’?

Chapter 2

‘Days later I came out’ I’d have as the start of a new para, as this one is quite long and the focus shifts

‘The person I thought…’ this is quite long, perhaps split/punctuate the sentence more?

Perhaps ‘I was shocked to find my body intact as if nothing had happened. Released from the hospital, I was surprised….’ Thoughts?

Commas; ‘Kathleen, my better half, was in shock…’

Perhaps ‘Kathleen ::prepared:: for her trial’, got ready a little clumsy?

Philthy wrote 336 days ago

Hi Joel,
I’m here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. Below are my findings/comments. They are of course my humblest opinions, so please take them for whatever they’re worth and disregard what you disagree with.
Overall Impression: I like this a lot. It might have more of a select audience, but for those who do enjoy this kind of read (like myself) will get a real treat.
Prologue
Ellipses are three dots, not four.
I think there’s some inconsistency here, or there needs to be clarification. The narrator says he/she has not changed, then says there’s a transformative change. Yet, “transformative” is a form of transform, in which at its roots means to change in some way. So how has he/she not changed? Also, how is “transformative change” different from saying “transformation?” Might just be me. I may not be getting some terminology that’s essential to understanding this opening.
“Phoenix bird” is a little redundant, and bird is unneeded since you explain that a Phoenix is a bird in the next paragraph.
“eventually that fire consumes…” This part needs to be a new sentence. Otherwise, it’s a run-on with two independent clauses connected by a comma.
The ellipse after “ashes” should also be a period, followed by a new sentence. I would suggest dropping these ellipses. They serve more as a distraction than anything else here.
“From those ashes” needs to be followed by a comma, as it’s a subordinate clause
“mortal human” is also a little redundant. Is there such thing as an immortal human?
This is very deep stuff, and really interesting. I love reading these kinds of ideas. I could hope for a little more subtle sprinkling of these ideas rather than pulling the reader from a story by offering explanation, but it is fun to read and well written.
Chapter One
“never ending” should be hyphenated here, and “never-ending” and “meaningless” should be separated with a comma (sequences of adjectives should be separated by commas).
“never understood” I wonder if “misunderstood” might be a better word choice here.
Add a comma after “23”
Again, there’s a whole lot of explanation before getting to the actual story. I wonder if there’s a better way to structure it.
You use “day” twice in close proximity (same sentence). “The day was beautiful…” and “on this lovely fall day”
After “lovely fall day,” you need a period. Otherwise, it’s a run-on.
This is really a unique, well-thought-out story. I love this kind of writing—deep and prompting heavy thought. My biggest suggestion is to polish the grammar and prose and to reassess parts of the structure. Not that I would change the structure, it’s excellent. I just wonder if it takes a bit too long to get to the story. It’s a balancing act, for sure, and I’m not sure I have the solution to it. This was just an impression upon reading the prologue and first chapter. Obviously, you’re more of an expert of your story than I am, so there might be a very good reason you chose to do this.
All that said, I really do enjoy this. Your writing is clear and philosophical in almost a lyrical way. Very captivating.
Best of luck.
Phil
(Deshay of the Woods)

Neville wrote 342 days ago

The Shout of the Phoenix.
By Joel M. Taveras E.


Without sounding too patronizing, I think that the book is very well written and laid out for that matter—A fascinating prologue, I must say.
You’ve put to paper a story with deep emotional issues for your main character, Angel Olmos who’s suffered a near death experience after the roadside accident.
He questions his way of life, the puppet of a father rich and influential enough to have a bearing on any future he has.
The scene in the hospital gives great clarity to the reader as Angel passes between life and death, pulled back by a vision of a somewhat lost friend, his eyes, his voice—they were definitely his!
Emphasis of the miracle is apparent when the doctors and staff agree to seeing no one or hearing any voice either.
The plane journey is a good Idea to bring out the story, the old man next to him on the flight, listening to Angel as he pours out the events of his life. The ten hour flight should be ample and relieve any boredom—the old man is a good listener any way, he’s willing to hear all, and Angel’s keen to tell.
A great story here, and quite a long one so I shall be coming back to it more than a couple of times, but come back I will…most intriguing!
Highly starred for now!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

JT28 wrote 350 days ago

This story is so powerful beyond words. Excellent writing, although a few typos, nothing truly major.
The style of this book is intensely unique, separating a story that spans over the course of many years and many parts of the world, the characters are quite interesting,however none compare to Angel and his near death experience, the introduction and the way the prologue is set up is a clever way to hook the reader. And boy was I hooked! I will actually finish this book because it has all the makings of a delightful and insightful summer read.

6 Stars !
Best,
Jeremiah Trevors.

scavola wrote 363 days ago

Rough, very rough, as in lots and lots of errors. As far as the story, a privileged man questions his excessive lifestyle as it's taken away, which one might relate to if they also had a trust fund, which I don't. I made it to Chapter 11. My advice: continue to write, hone your skill, and revisit this later.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 363 days ago

SHOUT OF THE PHOENIX
This is a story written with a wonderful flowing writing style that includes a mixture of poetry and philosophy. I’m glad you reviewed what is a Phoenix at the beginning; I know people use that reference all the time but wasn’t rally familiar with the inside scoop on “rising like a Phoenix” meant (guess I should read less “chick lit”. Angel makes a good main character; the description of how he feels as he’s dying is very well written. I don’t quite understand why parts of each chapter are written in third person, but okay. It gave an overall perspective on things rather than just a story told from one side. A small thing: several times you use “weather” when the word should be “whether”. Either way, this is good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Salwa Samra wrote 364 days ago

Hello Joel, you have a very interesting, hard core book here, not my usual genre, however, I understand that some may truly relate to it. As I was reading I wondered what it was that compelled you to write a fiction such as this. I usually like to get into the mind of writers to discover the inspiration that compels them to write. Oddly, as a fiction, for some reason, I had to keep checking it to verify whether it really was a fiction novel. It resounded to me as being a Non Fiction - strange hey?

I want to congratulation you for putting this story together. You truly do emphasise
the struggle had by a gay man wanting to do right, wanting to live right, yet is torn between his desire of lust and his need for love. I usually don't focus on spelling errors, because they can be easily fixed, however, there were quite a few that I felt I should bring them up to you.

Breathe - should be breath - Chapter 1-3
Loose - should be lose - Chapter 1-3
Vane - should be vain - Chapter 2 or 3?
Safe - should be save - Chapter 4
Looser - should be loser - Chapter 4

All the best, Joel. Salwa. :)

jlbwye wrote 368 days ago

Shout of the Phoenix. Sorry it's taken so long to get to your book. Your pitches promise an epic story.
I take notes as I read, but dont pretend to be an expert. I tend to notice nits. Hope you dont mind -

Ch.1. An exploratory Prologue which sets the theme and provides a taste of your easy flowing style of writing.
Do you want nits?
Be careful to search out words repeated too close together and too often: that, people (Ch.2) knows, was, never.

And I think you mean 'whether a person believes or not...' and (Ch.2) your 'breath gone...'

There are some unnecessary words which can safely be deleted to improve the flow and emphasise the message: only, actually, (Ch.3) right.

Ch.2. So you had a near death experience ... they are so dramatic and life-changing - I can imagine! 'freedom and tranquility in every fibre of my being.' Great words, telling it all. And then the pull of a loved one's prayers.

Ch.3. Yes - it was God who brought you back - you still have work to do in this world, and I admire your stamina in completing your epic book. That's an interesting hook, too - the Diogenis relationship.
I like the way you end each chapter with a poem from the mysterious book, and you have given the structure of your story considerable thought.

There is much editing to be done, but your story is worth it, and we all have to edit and re-edit, and re-edit....
Multi-starred.
Jane (Breath of Africa)

JMTE23 wrote 372 days ago

Maria, thank you so much for taking the time to read TSOTP your review was splendid, i often do the same and really wanted to grab readers from the very start, thank you for letting me know i effectively did that with you. Means a lot and undoubtedly i will be looking at Path To Survival !

Best,
Joel

Lourdes wrote 372 days ago

Dear Joel,
There's a poetic quality to your work. Are you a philosopher, or, are you merely an exceptional writer with the ability to hook and keep your reader?
Often i find it hard to stay with a story. I tell myself that maybe it'll all make sense in chapter two, but some of the time that's where i put it down. With the Shout of the Phoenix, in spite of some typos along the way, i couldn't leave it. The candid way you tell the story grabbed me, you made it come alive, with awesome descriptions of the characters' surroundings.
Very well done, very enjoyable.
Six stars and i wish i could give you more. I want to see you on my shelf for a while.Thanks for sharing.
Maria xxx
The Path to Survival

JMTE23 wrote 372 days ago

Bill thanks a million !
Joel

Bill Carrigan wrote 372 days ago

First I want to thank you, Joel, for backing "The Doctor of Summitville," especially now that it's in review after nearly three years on the site. There's still the danger of slipping off the editors' desk as other books rise, and you're helping me hold steady. Second, I want to say how much I've enjoyed and admired "The Shout of the Phoenix," which expresses Angel's life experiences so frankly and vividly. Some editing is needed, but the intensity of those experiences comes through with a powerful impact. I'll gladly back your book after keeping earlier promises. --Thanks again and best of luck, Bill

JMTE23 wrote 388 days ago

David a million thanks for reading and for the
Comment !
JT

David Price wrote 388 days ago

Joel, this is lyrical, visionary writing that challenges and inspires. The search for meaning and purpose in life is universal subject matter with great potential. I did notice a typo in the prologue. it should be "do unto others" not "do on to others". But well done and high stars.
David

patio wrote 396 days ago

The prologue is the highlight for me. I admire your attention to detail. You described the Phoenix well. That made me turn the pages but I wasn't gripped as I was reading the mentioned. I am sure its a great story and with time I would read all

JMTE23 wrote 397 days ago

Love the introductory description of what a phoenix is. Love phoenix literature in general. This is a real epic and poetic novel from what I've read and to be taken seriously.



rikasworld : Thanks a million !

rikasworld wrote 397 days ago

Love the introductory description of what a phoenix is. Love phoenix literature in general. This is a real epic and poetic novel from what I've read and to be taken seriously.

JMTE23 wrote 398 days ago

Beautiful, poetic...I love when writers give us their view on happens to a person when they die and what changes in their lives, and you paint it well. You created an intellectual adventure that relates to some of the darker aspects of life as well as finding a purpose...I love it.



Muntsi.. Thanks a million for your kind review, really glad
You enjoyed what you read thus far ;)
JT

muntsy wrote 398 days ago

Beautiful, poetic...I love when writers give us their view on happens to a person when they die and what changes in their lives, and you paint it well. You created an intellectual adventure that relates to some of the darker aspects of life as well as finding a purpose...I love it.

Olga13 wrote 404 days ago

I did have chance to read your book and this is my feedback.
Love the tittles... could be seen as costantine with KEANUE REEVES...
Couples articles or dialogues missing but it is not huge and can be corrected.
reincarnation / spiritual touch / feeling ..love it...
an overall..well done work..you have written all the concept that nedeed. well done and wishing you all the best... x

billysunday wrote 440 days ago

Hi Joel-Great book! Read up to C3. Loved the prologue-one tiny error, at least I think it was an error-weather should be whether. Found your blurb on Egyptian mythology fascinating and love books that start with real legends or history. The phoenix is also a highly respected bird in Freemasonry as you probably know. Liked the dream-in the second chapter-very original. It kept me wondering how it will tie into the story later on. I think you are onto something here. Highly starred and highly recommended. Dina Rae

billysunday wrote 440 days ago

Hi Joel-Great book! Read up to C3. Loved the prologue-one tiny error, at least I think it was an error-weather should be whether. Found your blurb on Egyptian mythology fascinating and love books that start with real legends or history. The phoenix is also a highly respected bird in Freemasonry as you probably know. Liked the dream-in the second chapter-very original. It kept me wondering how it will tie into the story later on. I think you are onto something here. Highly starred and highly recommended. Dina Rae

JMTE23 wrote 455 days ago

A G Chaudhuri,

Thank you for taking the time to check the Phoenix out...Interesting how the "Like I did part" seems to resonate for many people as the appropriate closure for the prologue... will have to consider tweaking that. Really glad you enjoyed "Your Eyes" I know poetry is not for everyone. Again, thank you so much for your time and i do hope you read further, your positive review means a lot ! I'd say good luck to you but you are already at #1!! :) CONGRATULATIONS ON THAT!

Best, Jt

A G Chaudhuri wrote 456 days ago

Dear Joel,

Here’s my review of ‘The Shout of the Phoenix’.
Great title and great cover followed by a very well written long pitch. The short pitch can be improved by keeping it short and direct, instead of mentioning all the things that can easily find their place in the longer version.

The prologue was good. The phoenix has always fascinated me as a symbol of regeneration. You’ve nicely linked the mythology with your story and ended it brilliantly with the stylish ‘Like I did’. The rest of the text that follows these three words felt rather redundant and may be accommodated in the next chapter for better effect.

Beginning of chapter 1, the italicised portion was in 3rd person, which was again quickly restored to 1st person in the very next paragraph. That got me a little confused with regards to the exact settings and sequence of events.

It took me a while to realise that the narrator was actually describing an NDE. Some of it may need to be worded more strongly, e.g. # spirit and soul have been used in the same context, # monitor loosing its pulse doesn’t sound too good, and # in spite of pitch black, silence and stillness, being able to see strangers trying to resuscitate the body felt contradictory. The ‘teardrop’ was an excellent touch – very dramatic and apt. And then, there was the absolutely soulful ‘Your Eyes’.

The writing is quite lucid and apart from a few typos, missing articles, etc. that can be easily corrected; there are no major errors. Your spiritual and metaphysical leanings are quite evident in your writing style that has a sublime and dreamlike quality. I look forward to reading the rest of this story. Best of luck with it.

My rating: 5 stars

Best regards,
AGC



JMTE23 wrote 463 days ago

Red2U,
Definitely come back ... Thank you for the complement, will have to check Illusions of Comfort soon! :)
Best,
Jt

JMTE23 wrote 465 days ago

Ashley,
As far as feedback goes I def welcome all feedback negative and Offcoarse positive..
The idea is to see others point of view and take all criticism as constructive ;)
Really glad you enjoyed the opening ;) and absolutely the whole book is uploaded .. Hope you can browse
So that you might fall a little in love with the rest of the story .. The beginning is certainly good but the ending
Is even more powerful and captivating .. Or at least I would like to pressure.
A million thank for your kind words !!!
Jt

a.morrison712 wrote 465 days ago

THE SHOUT OF THE PHOENIX

I love the story of the phoenix in the beginning. So your book caught my eye. I love your opening. In general it works well, but I think a great hook would be to end on the note where you say, “Like I did...” This really compelled me to read on and for some reason the rest of your prologue lost momentum for me. BUT that’s all relative because it’s still good, I just think it’s REALLY strong ending on the “like I did” part. I didn’t ask you to swap reads and I don’t know what type of feedback you are looking for/if any so I’ll just watch list you for now. But I'll definitely be back for more. It's been awhile since a book on Autho has caught my eye quite like this one. 6 stars from me. Oh and out of curiosity have you uploaded the whole book?


Ashley

Red2u wrote 468 days ago

A true believer in re-incarnation I read the first 3 chapters. I love the part about the Phoenix. I think this book has great potential and have rated it well. I hope to get back to read more.
Cheers, Red
Illusions of Comfort

JMTE23 wrote 468 days ago

Eden thanks ...Poetry plays a big role in the story so very grateful you enjoyed it! And most importantly thank you for letting me know the introduction is effective :) That is what i was aiming for Thank you!

Eden Ashley wrote 468 days ago

I stumbled across your book...don't remember how. But the opening. Oh boy it sucked me right in! The imagery of the phoenix was beautifully written. Well done! I loved that scene. It almost read like poetry.

Ash-THE SIREN'S HEART

JMTE23 wrote 472 days ago

Thanks you so very much Fran :) Powerful words... will do my very best to deliver exactly that and have my work live up to that ! Soon on list is TRAPPED!!

FRAN MACILVEY wrote 472 days ago

Dear Joel

This is writing on an epic scale, with heartfelt emotion and great candour. As others have suggested, there is room for an edit, nevertheless you have the makings of a wonderful tale.

All the best

Fran Macilvey, "Trapped" :-)

JMTE23 wrote 473 days ago

Hey Kaal ...So pleased to hear you are liking it so far...especially when in the beginning the character is a bit...well as a previous reviewer described "not identifiable" so given your parallels to Angel I'm very pleased ..Further reading should prove more gratifying as the character does develop into a new person.. lets hope you can relate to him as well ha .. Yes i wrote all the poems, carefully making sure they matched the chapters and linked to the story ..Definitely working on polishing this and I'm glad you too like Paul Coelho..Veronica Decides to Die was powerful! Thank you very much for reading and a millions thanks for the comments !! I will very soon be reading yours.
Best,
Joel

MIRO1K wrote 473 days ago

Kia ora Joel,

Reading this was like reading my own life story - there are so many similarities... Therefore, I'm a little disturbed to read that another reader described the MC as unlikeable! I loved the poems - are they yours? I can see an influence of William Blake there...I also write poetry and got into Blake in a big way when I lived in Nepal.

Yes, there is a bit of polishing needed -but I don't know - I like the rawness of the writing -it seems more real, more personal this way. One typo you might want to see to: 'weather' should be 'whether' ;) I've read four chapters so far and enjoying it immensely - I too had a bit of a health scare very recently, so this seems like the universe conspiring (as Paulo Cuelho wrote) in a very nice way.

For what its worth -6 stars
And you'll be on my shelf very soon

Best wishes
Kaal Kaczmarek

JMTE23 wrote 473 days ago

Thank you Elle :) Well my main issue is with editing i really need an editor to look it over but i suppose the question is ..is the structure effective..? given it takes place in various countries and goes back and forward in time i still have that to work that out ..or not lol Hope you liked it Elle and Thank you so very much!!

sensual elle wrote 474 days ago

I read the first 6 chapters and all the comments. I don't have a problem with first person– some of the greatest books are in 1st person, although romance editors often whine. I also didn't think the chapters were too short, especially compared with, say, James Patterson (or Diary of a Bad Housewife).

Overall, I am pleased to back it.

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