Animal Cracker

This was really good in that I felt msny different emotions well done

Few chapters in and it's clear to see why it's been well-received and highly-ranked. I'll be reading on but I'm sure I'll continue to enjoy it. I typically don't read this sort of book but as an animal lover, it caught my attention. Loved the snappy, witty humour as well as the general banter. You've written it really well and the conversations flow nicely.

If it would be possible out to take some time to read one or both of my children's novels, that would be much appreciated. I'm new to the site and hopefully one day I'll have my books on the ED!

Thanks,

Lee Connor
"Elton: The Different Kookaburra"
"But I Don't Want To Be A Bottomburp"

Read the first few chapters. Very classy, intelligent and the characters are well drawn.

Well done

Simon

Pets and business. Two subjects that rarely enter my sphere. Yet in the hands of this sympathetic, sparky narrator I read right through to the end of chapter 14 in one breathless go - and I have to know if Hal gets his comeuppance - and how! Please can I see the rest?

added to WL will back asap

Well even with "The setting of Boston, (and indeed an Animal Protection Agency), are concepts that could alienate any non-US audience", I think that you should try and get any story that'd spread the word of animal abuse out there. It's not in the news NEARLY enough. Good luck! :)

Andi,

I want to congratulate you on your success of climbing the charts and making the desk! I’m sorry it took me so long to finally read your novel, but I’m happy I got through my other reads and could sit down to give it my full attention. I found it really entertaining! Aside from some grammatical edits, that you are probably already aware of, it was a really cute story and kept my interest all the way to the end. It made me angry and elated in all the right places. Great job! I truly enjoyed it and I thank you for asking me to read it!

Below are a few notes (mostly editorial things, not much in story structure) that are most likely me pointing out things you already know, but just in case, I wrote them down as well as any thoughts that I had while reading. Feel free to ignore and disregard any notes that you don’t agree with, or that are just plain redundant. I don’t mean to be annoying, only helpful. I apologize that it seems so lengthy. Many things are easy to miss when you’re so close to a project. We all do it, we read and reread the same line over and over again, and see it how we thought we wrote it, and not what’s written on the page. :) I feel like you deserve more than just a nice pat on the back for a job well done. You earned your success with Animal Cracker!

Ch1
*There are missing quotations of the first two lines when the night manager starts speaking to her. That could probably all be one line as well, just mention that he redirects his attention to the dog. Then again, the formatting on Authonomy can be a bit temperamental from time-to-time, that could be it.
-“Great[,](.)” *I think you can end the sentence in a period instead of a comma in this instance, as well as other times it may pop up.

Ch2
-Genie bit her lower lip, [_] worried her eyebrows as if… *is there a missing word in this sentence? It’s a bit awkward for me.

Ch3
-…NPR voice calling(,) “Staff meeting…” *This is something I noticed a few times.
-…he could do what (he) wanted with it, but 250…

Ch4
-“My grandparents’ old stuff, then my parents’(,)” she muttered *Another common occurrence is missing punctuation from the end of a sentence, in dialogue and narration.

Ch5
“…No problem, it’s the thought that counts.[’](“) *quotes instead of an apostrophe.

Ch6
-This Victorian was inhabited… *should this be in italics or quotes? Just wondered.
-“…pretty much retired since I’ve been here(“) *I’ve noticed quite a bit of places where the 2nd quotes are missing to close the dialogue. Even some places where the 1st quotes are missing but the 2nd are there.
-“balloon the whole time._”I asked. *The quotation mark is over one space too far. This happens occasionally throughout.
-…and head(ed) home for an Italian feast.

Ch7
-I pleaded in my head, (‘)Tell me about…(‘) *or maybe italics? Otherwise the capital “t” is unnecessary.
-“…I(,) of course(,) maintain…”
-…which might have [have] a prayer…
*Isn’t Mark 25? He says his parents moved to the house 8 years ago, after he’d moved out. But then he says he was 16 when they moved there…that’s 9 years. Did he graduate high school early? The timeline is confusing.
-…pursue my own interests – code for… *is this Mark making a joke in the middle of his sentence? Or Diane’s thought? Perhaps quotes to separate the two would help. Many of Diane’s one-liner, zinger-type thoughts can get missed because they don’t stand apart from the dialogue or narration.

Ch8
-“Calm down, [,]”
-…asking(,) ‘How much is that doggy in the window?(‘)”
*When Betty is telling her story, watch out for the use of double quotes versus the single apostrophe quotes used within dialogue. (I saw the use of single vs double quotes in regular dialogue as well, not just this chapter.)

Ch9
-…kind of watching just to get (to? back at?) Mark…

Ch12
-…torture me?(_)Genie and Donnie… *Missing a space, something else that happens more than once.
-“I don’t[‘] know…”
*Bunky? (Dinky?)
*Mary-Grant? (Mary-Day?)
(“)Yeah, well, I’m not so sure. At this rate…(“) *missing quotes. This also happens frequently.

Ch14
-“What(‘s) [“]’it?’”
-“We[“](‘)ll be really, really careful…”
*When Diane confesses to Genie and she guesses the truth right away, it seems really rushed. From her guessing to being pissed, there’s hardly a breath. Is there a way to extend that, build the tension more perhaps? It would make the scene more dramatic and result in a more fulfilling payoff.

Ch15
-(I) hoped she was telling the truth…
*What happened to Aidan’s cat? Maybe Diane could notice him in the house when she’s getting all the details from Katelyn?
-…sipping Margheritas (margaritas)…

Ch16
-…a little nauseaous (nauseous)…

Ch17
-“What I really love is the absolutely (absolute) consistency …” *Not a big deal since my general rule is not to correct dialogue if that’s what they were supposed to say, but Diane is pretty smart and unless it was pointed out that she was stumbling over her words, I don’t feel she’d say that in such an uncomfortable way.
-…café cum bar… * I did not read this how you intended the first time… ;)
-…eyed me oddly[,](.) Maybe someday…
-“…Tenicheff’s granddaughter.”(*new paragraph.)“God, Genie…” *This happens a few other places as well, I don’t know if it’s the usual formatting problem.
-…gave up around two… *AM? Or PM? Genie said she’d be up at 4am.
*tape recorder? It’s her phone, right? The recorder on her phone?

Ch18
*Leith? Earlier it was spelled Leeth.
-…restaurateur, (and) a set of golf clubs.

Ch19
-“…but you’re (in?) a really good place…”
-… Mary-Day and me. se his voice d …XXX *what happened here?

Ch20
*A few times, throughout the novel, you jump to present tense, which I’m sure is intentional, but then you go right back into past tense which makes me, as a reader, confused and question what the point of “bringing us into the present” was. This works a little better for this final chapter, but it may need a once-over to make it less jarring.

I hope I wasn’t too bothersome with my notes. Like I said, I assume you are aware of them, and if so, then by all means, disregard them. :) Congratulations, again, on your success and I wish you the best of luck with your book!

Sincerely,
Wendy (Gwendolyn)
Breakaway

Please don't hurt the animals while teasing them!

I like animal protection books, (Black hills by Nora Roberts is a good one). Scarlett O'Hara on speed is a funny visual and gives us a look at the humor used througout the novel. Interesting careers you have chosen, Beer connoisseur, Blump it up news writer, strange animal shelter/scnreenwriter guy who actually creeped me out. not a lot of grammar errors so I critiqued based off of overall first chapter. Great job very unique, it's witty and I'll be reading some more, fore sure. on watch list so I can rotate into shelf. good Luck to you!

A deserving deskee. Fast, fun and filled with snappy dialogue. Oh and I loved "Brad Pitt on the outside, Borat on the inside." ;)

Pete

Congrats on arrival to the editirs desk

Catching read. Office dynamics are quirky and appealing. I love dogs, and feel like they are my grandchildren in fur, so i totally got the power that animals hold over your heart and soul. I also lived outside of Boston and would like to hear about familiar places. I hope you check out Dancing Through Midnight, it takes into part 2 before you really can get a good feel for the flow of the book. Thanks for the experience, Amy

its very good...smart...every-office-bosses....good humour...worth taking my time off to read it :-)

I enjoyed your descriptions, interesting and original; awesome!

I like the easy to read style, quirky humor and strong narrative voice. It was certainly real for me. Good luck with the publishers...

Great story Andi.

Great, fun story. I like the animal pencils, clock etc. It adds to the fun.
Hal is my favourite character - hope there's much more of him in the story.
I thought the ending could have been a little differnet - maybe:
'Make animal rescue your life's work etc... APA, here I come.
I'm sorry to nit pick but I found quite few missing apostrophe's during the dialogue between Hal, Diane, Warren, &Mary-Day. I know sometimes it can be easy to follow the dialogue without them, & know sometimes following the dialogue is okay when missing the odd one out, but I thought there were too many.
I wasn't sure who was saying 'Like she's a puppy? Was it your voice, Hal's or one of the others in the office?
These are just my opinions of course.
Another nit pick I'm afraid:
'From the building's squat, 50's exteria...' arr too long a sentance. I've done it myself and I've still left it in my book. However I've been told that the sentance is too clumsy and breaks up the flow. You continue throughout the next two chapters and further on.. I have to admit this particular sentance of yours does sound clumsy and I almost lost my breath. But it's up to you if you leave them in
Overall I really like this book and I think its a book which should be published. I have only read a couple of chapters but with those minor edits I give it 5 stars.
Junetee (Four Corners) .

Slick, humourous writing that wears its intelligence lightly. I would buy this and know from the start that I was going to enjoy it. Delivers the goods as promised.

Andi,

Animal Cracker has great snarky charm. I love the commentary in Diane's head during the opening dialogue scene with her boss. It effortlessly reveals a lot about both characters. I typically advise against including so much backstory in the opening chapter, but you've done an amazing job of fitting it in without stopping the story dead. Diane and friends seem real, if a little smarter and funnier than most of us.

I found almost nothing to nitpick. There were a couple of slightly awkward lapses in present tense:
I headed for the shelter where I'd found the job that may just change my life. (that I hoped would change my life?)
When Andrew had dumped me - can it really be ten months ago? (could it really be ten months ago?)

These would be fine if the main narrative were in present tense, but it isn't, so it seems for a moment that Diane is telling the story at some later time, which jars the immersion. I don't know if my suggestions are any better, but think about it.

Men Who Have Fucked me Over Capitalize "Me"

Other than these minor issues, what I've read so far is polished and ready for an audience. I hope you find one!

Karen Eisenbrey
CRANE'S WAY
TIME SQUARED

H Andi. I liked chapter one and am proud to continue backing you through the critical period. I thought the scene was well set and the characters were well defined and you can tell where they might go in later chapters.

I like your narrative flow and found it easy to read and it was easy to meet lots of characters in a short space of time

I have jkust one point to make. The fundraiser from South Carolina would probably have said do y'all mind?
instead of do you mind?

Good luck! You will get there.

As a former British gangster, I felt a little strange embarking upon a chick-lit book, but I have to say I was very impressed. I promise not to make a habit of it though.

Hello, Andi. I read Chapter One of Animal Cracker and so far so good. Chick Lit is not generally a genre I read very often, but your writing is very solid and you've managed to develop some very colorful characters in just one chapter. Therefore, I wholly expect to read more. Looking forward to it!

Thanks,

D. Cooper Ho

I read more today. Backed!

Just read "Animal Cracker". Loved it! Backed it!

Thanks Andi, I've gone through chapter one of your book, and I think It's really interesting; you did a good job with the description of your characers. I hope you make it to the top.

Just plain great work. On WL but looks like rank is in the clouds.

Entertaining!

Excellent work, Andi, very entertaining and what a vocabulary! In particular, I love your use of verbs. You are such a confident writer, almost impossible to think this is an unpublished work. It is spotless and the pace is excellent. That is, it moves at a very high speed. Maybe a little too high for me to grasp all the details but that is only due to my old age. lol. Original story as well. I've fully starred this and will shelve it to help you get to the desk. Good luck reaching it. Hannah

In a few short sentences, the author conjures two interesting characters - our narrator, and Hal with his annoying phone. Did I want to read on? Yes. Would I buy this? Yes. Perfect dialogue.

Hi Andi,
here for the requested backing, and yes, for a rare change I'm backing this one - AC doesn't just tick the boxes it fills them up like loaded jack-in-the-boxes - delve in and your super-sharp prose explodes in a blaze of blazing blazy stuff.
Love it, and hope you do well!

Hello! I read the first two chapters and I think you have a knack for writing this genre. The words are strung together cleverly and I like the adorable little descriptions like the one on Genie's "off-center prettiness." Very nicely done.

One thing though, is that some of the sentences take me two or three reads to understand, like the first three sentences. I think it might be because of the many different references that we have to understand at the same time - e.g. the blump, that Hal is the boss, that Diane is having her first press release, that the Staten Island High Writing award refers to the Diane, on top of other interpretations and impressions we might have to digest. But that's quite small and only my personal comments. Overall I found it well done :)

First off, let me say that the concept is hilarious and delightful.

Upon reading the first chapter, I find myself in one of those dazes that might be experienced by someone walking into a room filled with, say, kittens having a pillowfight against puppies in traditional Samoan garb. It's the kind of daze where you have *absolutely* no idea what's happening, but you just can't help grinning happily at the sight.

This book is far outside my genre, so please take these comments with a grain of salt. You're at #5 right now, so relax - you've got something going for you!

Since I don't normally read or write first-person fiction, I can't accurately critique your voice. I can say that there were a *lot* of sentence fragments (which is probably the reason I don't read first-person). This isn't inherently problematic, but when you're trying to hook your readers right there on the first page, you don't want them to find anything that makes them stumble as they try to read it. I, personally, was having too much trouble trying to unravel the characters and the environment to really get into the flow of the story, so it didn't really have much luck hooking me. It might work with your target audience, but I do not know.

I'd like to mention comma placement. I tend to look for this specifically, as it applies to *all* genres (yes, even stream-of-consciousness, so there), and there are quite a few commas missing or misplaced - at least in the first couple of chapters. Let me throw in some specifics:
"seersucker suit and yes," should be "seersucker suit and, yes,"
"Ralph Lauren ad because guess what - she was" should be "Ralph Lauren ad because, guess what - she was"
"But one night, while ministering to abandoned pups at the shelter I'd" should be "But one night, while ministering to abandoned pups at the shelter, I'd"

Take it and do with it what you will :)

For me what really stands out here is the dialogue- I feel the comparison your pitch is very accurate!

No problem with Chapter 1 this time, Andi, so I read it through. Liked it a lot; and all readers who love animals will like Diane. Your fans will include men If Diane doesn't turn out to regard all males as wimps or skunks, as so many heroines do these days.

I'm pleased to find that you've written in the first person. My novel "The Doctor of Summitville" (complete here) is told by the omniscient author, but the reader is immediately in the head of the doctor (Jim) or his love (Annette) and remains there throughout each chapter or section. I'd be interested in what you think of Annette, viewed only from the doctor's POV until I shift to hers in a later chapter. Are her thoughts convincingly female?

Returning to "Animal Crackers," I'll back it tonight to aid your fine novel at this critical time.

Best of luck, Bill

I get what you say about showing not telling, I really like the main character already. Will be reading more tomorrow...now it is 3:23 am but I stayed up to read this and I am glad I did....zzzzzzzzz

Drawn by your clever title, Andi, I tried to open your book but found only "Sorry, an error occurred while loading the chapter text." Well, patience may be my one virtue. I'll try again this evening--though I doubt that I could persuade you, already on THE DESK, to make room for a serious love story, THE DOCTOR OF SUMMITVILLE. But that won't stop me from backing your book if the text is as captivating as your pitch. Much will depend, though, on how you treat the animals, since I'm an animal lover now down to one cat. --Fervently anticipating, Bill

What a fun read! You have a real gift for this genre! No doubt you will be successful. Very smart, fresh, and funny. Thanks for the opportunity to read.

I haven't read many novels in this genre, but I could easily see this in the 'chick lit' section of a book store. Your writing flows well, the plot is interesting and above all the book is humorous. Diane is likeable, Hal is suitably annoying and I also like Kathryn if only for the fact that she wrote down Hal's joke in the minutes. Some examples that elicited a chuckle: "I thought even the Burberry people would've yelled "stop" at the umbrella", "all my clothes have a story, and the same author - her name is ebay"

I'm not sure I would class this as "Office" type humour. In my humble opinion that show relied on 'awkward' and 'cringe' style humour. I thought that most of the humour in this book derived from the narrator's humorous/sarcastic observations. I also noticed that occasionally there wasn't a space between certain words, e.g. - "What the hell..."asked Mary Day. Also at the end of Chapter 7 there was a typo - "Ias starting to have a hard time separating Mark from his father."

Nevertheless the plot is interesting and believable and I would be happy to put this on my bookshelf.

Thanks for drawing this to my attention,Andi. It's funny and has a lot about animals. I once had six cats and two dogs,now only two cats. I would enjoy reading the whole book and will five star it.

You did a good job with the details. Hal already annoys me-- you did a good job with that. He really reminds of David Grant from the English version of "The Office." It looks cute so far. Keep up the good work.

Hi Andi,
Interesting story.
When you are talking about Allison Cooke - "Which meant she never, ever spoke to me?" I'd drop the question mark. I assume it is a statement of a fact, right?

As I read it, I keep seeing it as a movie with someone like Meg Ryan as the sad, but pretty and hopeful star.

Good luck.

I have read through the first chapter. Although this is not the normal genre that i read, the characters are good and the story flows well. The dialouge is believable and works well with the characters.

All the best

Timmy

As others have said, your pacing is excellent, and is a pleasure to read. The occasional inserts of alliteration are such a joy to come across, and so far, they've added to the humor as well. Your characters are instantly vivid and feel natural, but also have that hint of "larger than life" quality that makes someone want to learn more about them. Plus, the scenes that I've read so far involving the shelter animals (both the "legit" and "back-alley" ones) feel very real to someone who has spent time working at and with shelters.

There are perhaps a few typos and maybe some minor nit-picking in word choices here and there, but overall, it's very tightly written and well-edited. I look forward to reading the rest of it!

Best of luck to you!

Superbly written and very witty. And also, hats off to Donnie for choosing a fantastic beer in the first chapter!

Hi Andi,

Although this is not my typical read, I am giving you high stars and backing your piece with pleasure. It suits your genre well and is flawlessly written with interesting characters, charm, and wit. Very well done!

~Faith Rose
Now to Him

I backed the book because it seemed interesting but i read the book now and i really don't like it, please can someone tell me how to unback this piece of shit?
Kind regards,
Taz (Yummybooks)

Congrats on making it to the top 5. Thought I'd give your ms a look and am VERY impressed. Your writing is extremely tight and your pacing is outstandingly maintained. I only read the first chapter, and have a few comments to take or leave.

There are a few interactions that could be shaved down. For example, when Warren meets Diane it could be, 'He extended his hand and welcomed her then turned back to Hal'. Including the exact details and conversation in the humdrum stuff (and I hesitate to say this because your pacing is so excellent) but it drags the tiniest bit so that your eyes scan ahead for the interesting stuff.

I'd get rid of the qualifier for Eugenie. That's a fantastic extension of her name and would be well placed when we know her better. The additional info should be used to paint her character when we're already seeing what makes her a Eugenie.

Donnie's job description feels out of place. Genie is important to us because she's practically sister material with how close they are, but Donnie is not that important yet. Wait until it relates to conversation or is integral in building his relationship with the MC.

Aaaand, that's it. Seriously minor things. You've done an outstanding job here and this definitely reads to me like a publishable ms.

I wish you the best and will happily support your work.
Tracy

Charmig and quirky read. I really like the characters and how quickly they developed. I was a little skeptical with the animal theme but it seems to work very well. I especially loved the whole "tie of the day" scene. Great write. :)

Neicy

Very interesting read. Backed and rated with pleasure.

Venkatarama Dandibhotla
Ozoneraser

This is an awesome read! I just finished the first chapter and, while it began a little slow, I am hooked. Really clever and witty writing. Great, unique, enticing characters. I'm going to read more now! Happily backed and highly rated.

Ryan Holden
HOMOCIDAL