Bard's Tale

Wow what a cool read this is. I was surprised how this hooked me into it in a big way. I love it when the book has been written for a reader and not a writer. That sounds stupid but its a fact. I have had to change my book numerous times because I have read over it and it is clear it is written as a writer and not a reader. It is the reader we need to impress and not a writer and this is exactly it. So well done for this. Great flow, descriptions, pace and premise. I think this is great.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

ah Mr Silverback AKA Owen... your four genre tags alone, gets me to read this book - a splendid mix of fantasy, horror, comedy, and best- erotica... I'm thinking, there's no way he can pull it off...

I've read enough to see all four though - incredible...
i saw a few typos, but nothing overly glaring... this was an enjoyable start... i like and equally dislike the idea of being a pawn in the game of gods - so kudos!

high stars,
Jaclyn x
It Never Happened

oh also, you should join this group:
invite to WTF: http://authonomy.com/forums/threads/106125/wtf-write-the-fantasy/

Bard tale is an engrossing tale that takes you to vivid depths of life, miseries and faith.

venkatarama
Ozoneraser

I'm not much of a critic just a reader but wonderful book!

I thought this was so much fun, an epic fantasy in the tradition of Tolkien, Terry Brooks, and David Eddings.

Owen is an immensely likeable MC, and you have a great start to a tale. I know your complete novel is here, and I woud read it all if there were world enough and time. As it stands, to anyone who might read this comment, let me just say that I think this book is worth a look. When my reading list is shorter, I'm coming back for more.

High stars!

Mark
HELL'S SUPER

Great storytelling, rich with detail and excellent voices. You paint a vivid picture and establish a great premise. You also deliver plenty of action, drama and excitement. Well done!
Critique-wise, the main thing I noted was an aversion to punctuation and minor spelling errors. I've noted some below, but I'd suggest going through line by line to catch and fix these (with suggested fixes in parentheses):
on this stage of the God's (Gods')
before it got to(o) dark
on the path ahead...assessed the creature (cut: ahead).
Its (cut: gate, insert: gait).
the (cut: leg's, insert: legs) You've got a whole lot of trouble with apostrophes, so here's a little guide to how to use them:
to show possession: Joe's shirt.
to show possession by a group: the Gods' opinions.
to shorten "is" or "not": The weather's looking good. It doesn't look bad.
Do NOT use an apostrophe otherwise. If you're just referring to a group of guys named Joe, those are the Joes. No apostrophe. but if you are referring to their costumes, those would be the Joes' costumes. If there was just one guy named Joe, it would be Joe's costume.
To complicate matters, there are exceptions for the following words, which indicate possession but don't use apostrophes: hers, his, yours, theirs, its.
I hope that helps! Now, back to nitpicking:
the (cut: leg's, insert: legs) appeared to be bowed
his (cut: taught, insert: taut) muscles
the night(')s fare
Owen ('s) voice
as if warding of(f) evil ... Owen('s) spine
mother(')s nod
Aron(')s hostile reaction
is to(o) cold
(cut: they're, which means THEY ARE. Insert: There are) predators about
daughter(')s flying fingers
Erin(')s reply was halting
I hope that's helpful. Well worth doing this kind of line editing, as your story is dandy!
Best of luck with this!
And if you'd like a peek at the Lost Wink, do drop by for a visit!
Thanks,
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Hi Owen!
I think I would break up the opening quote as follows:

"Is it coincidence, or pure luck when people meet? Are there greater powers at work than blind fate? Or are we all merely actors on this stage of the gods?"

What do you think?

I like that!!! I wish I had thought of that. (very large sigh.)

Hi Owen!
I think I would break up the opening quote as follows:

"Is it coincidence, or pure luck when people meet? Are there greater powers at work than blind fate? Or are we all merely actors on this stage of the gods?"

What do you think?

This story is rich and full-bodied like a good beer. I like Owen, and think he's a good boy, the way a mom thinks of her kids' friends. The writing style here is descriptive and robust. It has an ancient feel to it which is critical for me to want to read this kind of fantasy. There are some editing concerns, but nothing that detracts from the beautiful pictures created, or the story as a whole. Really a lovely job.

I do have to say that the first opening line almost lost me, though. The run-on sentence regarding coincidence/fate is able to be broken up into 3 separate questions. I would hate for you to lose readers based on this, and it almost happened with me. A beautiful book, with a writer who has clear vision and imagination.

Not sure if this works for me. Not sure why as other than one spelling error I found nothing wrong with it. Maybe on another day it would have so I will keep it on my watched list for now. :~)

Well done. This is terrific writing with a sense of magic, folklore and history rolled into one. It should do well. Good luck.

You have a remarkable writing style that flows easily with the reader. The dialogue is almost magical. There are some grammatical errors here and there that will be corrected in a thorough edit. I was only able to read the first chapter, but it was enough to let me know that you have the beginnings of a great story here. Best of luck, and I thank you in advance for your support of December Gold.

Hi Silverback,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to your book, but here I am. Wow, you can write a fantastic tale. Right away I was drawn in by Owen’s bold, and confident air. And he seems so good - a true hero to cheer for.

Your story lends a wonderful mix of emotion, whether from a playful chat, a quiet reminiscing or raw grief, your reader experiences it all. I was very impressed with the tension you are able to create. For example, when Owen senses danger, I truly thought he’d gone mad and was going to take advantage of Erin. You really had me going there for a minute.

I have no doubt that what lies beyond the first chapter is just as exciting and entertaining. I wish I had more time to read. But I’ll try to come back when this month is done.

My only suggestion is to do a thorough edit. I came across quite a few grammar and typo errors that made me stutter once in a while. I’ll send them in a message. Highly starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Hi Silverback,

Sorry it has taken me so long to get to your book, but here I am. Wow, you can write a fantastic tale. Right away I was drawn in by Owen’s bold, and confident air. And he seems so good - a true hero to cheer for.

Your story lends a wonderful mix of emotion, whether from a playful chat, a quiet reminiscing or raw grief, your reader experiences it all. I was very impressed with the tension you are able to create. For example, when Owen senses danger, I truly thought he’d gone mad and was going to take advantage of Erin. You really had me going there for a minute.

I have no doubt that what lies beyond the first chapter is just as exciting and entertaining. I wish I had more time to read. But I’ll try to come back when this month is done.

My only suggestion is to do a thorough edit. I came across quite a few grammar and typo errors that made me stutter once in a while. I’ll send them in a message. Highly starred!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

A bards tale written with a bards skill. The most annoying thing about this site is finding the start of what promises to be a great book yet knowing that all you have time to look at is a couple of chapters before being compelled to move on to the next owed read. And this is certainly one of those annoying occasions.
I rarely read fantasy now but this is well written and quite absorbing, reminding me of the fantasy stories I used to read when I was a bit younger. The only thing I found a touch strange was your use of names like George and Kevin. To me they just didn't sound right even though Owen seems to fit. Why, I don't know, George isn't a modern name, but there you go, it just seemed out of place.
But that's a minor thing, a personal opinion, and let us not let that detract from just how much I enjoyed this. Traditional yet with some new ideas, a tale with violence yet not gratuitous, a hero with a hint of tragedy in his past and a cast of other characters we care about in the space of a few paragraphs, such as poor Brin. Quite masterful content and that's what matters, the odd typo here and there being easy to sort out at some point by an editor.

James

Hi Silverback,

What can I say, having seen my chance and grabbed it, I was not disappointed. Another chapter, another surprise. That is one incredible fight scene, and the tragic end for young Brin was spell binding. At 146 you are higher up the ranking than me, although that doesn't surprise me. I am now looking forward to my next escape to read more. I felt I was in that clearing.

Take care,
pilp4002 [Phil Phoenix - author of The JET! Trilogy]

P.s. 6 stars and I've watchlisted your other two books as well!

Owen I'm busy trying to back you but I keep getting some bunk about java scripts and cookies even though all that crap is enabled. Will sort it out asap.

For now, keep up the good spurts

Hi, At last i've got round to reading a chapter of The Bard's Tale, and I wasn't dissapointed. I see Rubyone used the word atmospheric in her appraisal, and that is exactly the word I'm going to use. I have demanded more time to read the rest of this book, but as yet haven't had a reply. If my request is refused I shall complain to a higher authority, because I will read the rest of this book - I will.

Love that first paragraph where he encounters the mysterious misshapen creature, very graphic, I think this book would make an excellent film.
Phil Phoenix. [philp4002] Author of The JET! Trilogy.

Very good start - reminds me of Kurt Vonnegut and Cat's Cradle with the ideas of things aren't as random as they seem. Keep up the good work.

An impressive beginning very atmospheric. Look forward to reading the entire book.

Just started reading and already I like Owen very much. The culture that you've built in within the first few pages is very well done and believable. I'm still reading in my free time and will have more for you soon.

Glad to see your book is still doing well! I need to get some time to review it thoroughly.

I just updated "The Devil Of Black Bayou". West African voodoo from a hunchback pirate has just come into Antoine's Valterre's world, his near death duel and humiliation by a powerful West African chief, and the mind of minor chracters come to play too with the ghost of Jean Lafitte not too far off either.

Did this all occur or did it already occur since Antoine's well long undead?

Plus a real character finally surfaces..The French Quarter and all the mystery to come with this fickle lady.

Hope you enjoy it.--JL

Oh this is very good!
I read only a little, I'm afraid, but not for lack of interest.
(You know this needs a comprehensive edit, so I've not bothered picking out elements of typing and grammar.)
I like the way you introduce your hero - and his mount. Straight away I warmed to him, in his affection for his horse.
The false alarm is nicely done.
You have created a convincing series of customs which you reveal as your MC enters the camp at the opening of your tale. You don't need to explain, they have their own conviction. This takes some art and you have done it well.
(A brace is a pair, not three.)
You raise the initial suspicion of elves without feeling the need to underline it, which I liked.
Margaret is a horse? Owen must be a fine bard to own a horse, no? But there is no other sign of wealth. Even a degree of ease in the lady Erin's company does not explain it, since I'd expect a bard to mix with all sorts. Later you describe quite fine clothes, but by now it is unclear whether these clothes are an illusion. The trappings of wealth without its comfort is an intrigue you might want to consider bringing in more clearly, and earlier.
I was also slightly puzzled by your depiction of Owen setting up to sing. ("With infinite care Owen placed it on a frame beside him before taking a more workman like instrument from the other case.") It's  not clear at first what is happening, and though you explain shortly after, it is distracting.
The fight is well done - and I don't often read convincing fights.
The tragedy at the end of chapter one - just when you have (horrid man!) lured me into a false sense of complacency that all will end well - is really awful: well done! With the tantalising reference to the oak leaf ring you lead the reader beautifully into chapter two.

I am truly terrible at coming back even to a fine read like this, but I shall make a note to back it when I next sit at a PC (which might be a while). I am most impressed.

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

The start of this book begins with one of my favourite lines ‘The shape resolved itself into that of a slim young woman, carrying a large bundle of wood strapped to her back.’ Your use of light, from the setting sun to reveal her shape, was most effective.

‘Both man and beast become as statues, only their gentle breathing showing any semblance of life.’ I felt was a wonderful use of imagery to enrich the story, adding a real sense of depth and substance.

‘Erin felt at peace as the sound wrapped around her like a warm blanket easing her fears’ I’m not quite sure here, I was wondering if ‘Pain’ might be a better word choice to describe the loss of her husband, instead of ‘fear’ just a minor point.

Finally, this story is enriched with a combination of imagery, realistic dialogue that is clearly fitting for the time period; coupled with believable characters.

6 stars!

A great cover, very inviting. It is a shame about the errors as they do distract but once edited a little to remove, for example whipped/wiped, the read will flow much better. The basic story is entertaining and I think I could really get into it. The characters are developing well. Your strength is in your amazing imagination and I guess if you told the tale verbally no one would notice any errors. With a little work this will be a great story. Candy.

First off - brilliant cover!
I'm not a fantasy reader so I'm not really the best person to comment on your story, but from what I've read the tale seems to have a good pace and plenty of action.
I'm afraid I didn't get as far as I'd like because I kept stumbling over the errors in the writing. I see you are dyslexic - well done for tackling a novel - that's pretty impressive. Is there anyone who could help you? It just needs some simple editing and you would perhaps avoid losing potential readers and backers.

Good luck.
Diana
Pascual's Birthday

description is great, the world you have created becomes real

Dear Owen,
‘Coincidence’ starts off very well. You’ve created an aura of suspense, romance and mystery from the very beginning quite effectively. The humour was excellent, situational and subtle. And the action was awesome. The best thing though was the dialogue. It’s so very apt for the genre that the first sentences uttered by the characters instantly transported me to the forest clearing and campsite. Although I must confess, I was already feeling a slight tug in that direction.
I don’t have much to comment on the use of language, except that I found it very warm and comforting. I have a feeling that you didn’t type it out yourself. Someone else, perhaps younger, did it for you while you dictated. Apologies if I’m wrong, but there are far too many misspellings and minor grammatical errors to have been the handiwork of someone as eloquent as you.
‘Bard’s Tale’ will stay on my WL and I’ll keep coming back to it from time to time. I plan to put it on my bookshelf a few days later, 6 BIG stars for now.
Regards,
AGC

Alas I did write it myself so all the spelling errors and bad grammer are down to me. Unfortunately I'm Dyslexic, I can read very well but I can't write that well, mind you as a scientist, ex analytical chemist, that could be thought of as a bonus.
I'm glad you like the book and I can assure you it gets better as it goes along.
Owen

Dear Owen,
‘Coincidence’ starts off very well. You’ve created an aura of suspense, romance and mystery from the very beginning quite effectively. The humour was excellent, situational and subtle. And the action was awesome. The best thing though was the dialogue. It’s so very apt for the genre that the first sentences uttered by the characters instantly transported me to the forest clearing and campsite. Although I must confess, I was already feeling a slight tug in that direction.
I don’t have much to comment on the use of language, except that I found it very warm and comforting. I have a feeling that you didn’t type it out yourself. Someone else, perhaps younger, did it for you while you dictated. Apologies if I’m wrong, but there are far too many misspellings and minor grammatical errors to have been the handiwork of someone as eloquent as you.
‘Bard’s Tale’ will stay on my WL and I’ll keep coming back to it from time to time. I plan to put it on my bookshelf a few days later, 6 BIG stars for now.
Regards,
AGC

Bard's Tale

Short Pitch: I’m afraid I learnt very little from this that would tell me what to expect. The second sentence is not the kind of lame advert that you can get away with in a pitch. I should re-think this.

Long Pitch: more bad news. This pitch sucks big time. The reader sees ‘with, I hope, a difference’ and thinks, ‘well it either has a difference or not and the author doesn’t seem to be sure.’ I think seriously that the fact of the composition being linked short stories is something you must consider carefully. I don’t mean that it’s wrong or that you should change it but that in literature where it works the reader is still taken on a journey and the fact of the separate stories and their eventual linkage is slowly revealed. It then constitutes a large part of the enjoyment as the reader figures the way through. So, this pitch is too long, descriptive and detailed.

I’m afraid I’m not familiar enough with this sub-genre of fantasy to know if this it too long. At nearly 270,000 words it would seem so to me but, as I say, I don’t really know.

Habitual errors I noticed: “to” instead of “too”; “of” instead of “off”; inappropriate apostrophes “leg’s” instead of “legs”. Unwieldy run on sentences and spell check errors such as “where” instead of “were”.

What I read was an intriguing story with an interesting MC of multiple talents. In terms of the writing I would say you need to edit for a couple of things. Some of the paragraphs are too long. Those dealing with the action sequences especially need to be short and sharp. Avoid phrases like ‘as soon as’ and stick in single active verbs instead: ‘whirling past them’ that sort of thing.

An interesting tale starts to unfold.

Thanks for the comment on Bards Tale Pete.
I do have trouble with too and to, and with off and of, I suspect you found the ones I had right originally but thought were wrong, sigh.
I'm sorry that you didn't like the pitches i'll have to take a good look at them and see what I can do. As for the length of the book it is required so I can tell the story properly. The trouble is that most peoples idea of fantasy is teenage angst vampires and not the hard core Sword and Sorcery of Terry Goodkin, Steven Donalson and of course the seminal Lord of the Rings which are far longer than my effort.
A novel of linked short stories is nothing new you just have to read 'Pilgrims Progress' and Chaucers 'Canterbury Tales' but it hadn't to my knowledge been tried in a fantasy setting before.
I hope you enjoyed the book for all that.
Owen
ps if you see a little 3ft 7in red haired woman dressed in black looking at you strangely don't worry its just my little assassin Dannia coming round for my pound of flesh. On second thoughts worry.

Bard's Tale

Short Pitch: I’m afraid I learnt very little from this that would tell me what to expect. The second sentence is not the kind of lame advert that you can get away with in a pitch. I should re-think this.

Long Pitch: more bad news. This pitch sucks big time. The reader sees ‘with, I hope, a difference’ and thinks, ‘well it either has a difference or not and the author doesn’t seem to be sure.’ I think seriously that the fact of the composition being linked short stories is something you must consider carefully. I don’t mean that it’s wrong or that you should change it but that in literature where it works the reader is still taken on a journey and the fact of the separate stories and their eventual linkage is slowly revealed. It then constitutes a large part of the enjoyment as the reader figures the way through. So, this pitch is too long, descriptive and detailed.

I’m afraid I’m not familiar enough with this sub-genre of fantasy to know if this it too long. At nearly 270,000 words it would seem so to me but, as I say, I don’t really know.

Habitual errors I noticed: “to” instead of “too”; “of” instead of “off”; inappropriate apostrophes “leg’s” instead of “legs”. Unwieldy run on sentences and spell check errors such as “where” instead of “were”.

What I read was an intriguing story with an interesting MC of multiple talents. In terms of the writing I would say you need to edit for a couple of things. Some of the paragraphs are too long. Those dealing with the action sequences especially need to be short and sharp. Avoid phrases like ‘as soon as’ and stick in single active verbs instead: ‘whirling past them’ that sort of thing.

An interesting tale starts to unfold.

Owen,
I had the pleasure of reading the first chapter of Bard's Tale. I'm never less than amazed by the imaginations of authors who write in the fantasy genre. You describe the scene so well when Owen encounters the three strangers in the forest while he is traveling through it on horseback. The older woman, the younger woman, and the boy come to life in the prose. It seems to be another world your readers enter while reading this account as it's hard to imagine three strangers one encounters in the woods being so hospitable in the world we live in. The plot you have outlined in your synopsis is alluring due to the bizarre scenarios you have crafted into a work of fiction. This has great appeal to readers of this genre who can be captivated by a reading adventure into another world the author has imagined and described in such vivid detail. This is one I would want to read more of as you captured my interest from the first scene and the storyline is nothing I could have imagined on my own.

Walden Carrington
Titanic: Rose Dawson's Story

Has been an enjoyable read, though I've only made it through a couple of chapters. I will make it back around again for another read in time.
What I would like more of is a bit more description of the characters appearances, and maybe letting us see a little more of where Owen has come from - who he is. I am sure in time we will know, but it is only my preference to have a better idea from the beginning. I had a hard time warming up to him.
Intriguing though, you definitely get on a dark feeling and are left wondering where the story will take us next. I have enjoyed it! I do like the cover too, well done.

Thanks for the comment. It seems I have been successful with Owen who I wanted to keep a bit of a mystery and have you slowly warm to him. As for discriptions of the characters appearances I've tried to give hints eary on and then give a full description later on when they are bathing to get rid the results of a battle they have had.
But I'm glad you enjoyed it. Please give it a further go and follow the mystery to its climax it may suprise you.
Owen Dorr
ps the cover is supposed to be Owen.
~E

Has been an enjoyable read, though I've only made it through a couple of chapters. I will make it back around again for another read in time.
What I would like more of is a bit more description of the characters appearances, and maybe letting us see a little more of where Owen has come from - who he is. I am sure in time we will know, but it is only my preference to have a better idea from the beginning. I had a hard time warming up to him.
Intriguing though, you definitely get on a dark feeling and are left wondering where the story will take us next. I have enjoyed it! I do like the cover too, well done.
~E

Hi Owen
Have just read the first chapter of Bard’s Tale. From the beginning, when Owen first sees those figures in the flickering light of the campfire I was drawn into this exceptional story. Your description of the setting is superb – I felt I was actually in that forest - it takes a talented writer to do that. Also, the plot is developing nicely, with plenty of mystery and intrigue to follow. The mark of a good story, to me, is that you forget you’re reading a book and have the feeling that you have suddenly stumbled into someone else’s real world. What really kept me reading, though is your ability to create compelling characters. I was soon attached to Owen, Erin, Aron and Brin and that’s what makes the end of the chapter so horrific. It’s not often that the demise of a minor character (in the sense that Brin only been in the story for a few pages) has had such an emotional impact. Will definitely be reading more and will come back with some more comments. Highly rated and deserves to up there at the top.

this is not what l expected! your bloody sequence is very effective, and descriptive...l was nearly sick...
l have booked this book...
6 stars******
read SEASONS...

My kind of story! Happy to put this on my shelf. Hope you have a chance to look at Dark Side by CC Brown.
Rog50

I don’t understand why this book isn’t receiving the attention it deserves. Great pacing, interesting premise and good dialogue, and that’s just the opening paragraphs. Backed and highly stared. Get out there and promote this, you deserved to be noticed.

Delighted to be the 1st to comment. Owen, this is really very good. It’s obvious you have put a lot of work into this and it is very well edited. A fine polished read. Fantasy is not a genre I venture into often, but you have a healthy mix of cross over genres going on here, so the story should easily appeal to the masses. You should get out there and make sure this gets the attention it deserves on this site.

Well done, my friend.

Janny :)

Thank you Janny I'm glad you have enjoyed it so far. Your comments were lovely to read and has cheered me up. The book was 15 years in the making (in other words the story idea was rattling around in my mind that long) and eighteen months in the writing.
If I'm to make it appeal to the masses I might have to tone down the Bards own tale which is very strong to shock people and make them uncomfortable. and also explains Owens attitude.
Thanks again Janny
Please keep in contact as I would love to hear how your getting on.
Silverback

Oh and just to add - I love the cover. It reminds me of Pirates of the Caribbean. Perfect for your story.

Delighted to be the 1st to comment. Owen, this is really very good. It’s obvious you have put a lot of work into this and it is very well edited. A fine polished read. Fantasy is not a genre I venture into often, but you have a healthy mix of cross over genres going on here, so the story should easily appeal to the masses. You should get out there and make sure this gets the attention it deserves on this site.

Well done, my friend.

Janny :)