Book Jacket

 

rank 981
word count 13358
date submitted 09.05.2011
date updated 24.05.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Science ...
classification: moderate
complete

Of a Troubled Heart; Selected Short Stories

Timothy Carstensen

In this varied array of short stories, you can find stories of the soul, stories that hurt, and stories that heal.

 

Delve into the world of a man living out the life he's gradually built, as he lies comatose in the hospital ('Dreamer'). Become the orphan afflicted with a disorienting psychosensory condition that has kept him secluded, until another boy invites him into a friendship, and offers him something he never thought he could have ('The Colors of Joy'). Then there's 'The Leak', the story of a man, who imbibes till inebriation upon losing everything, finds that the world is on the brink of extinction, and attempts to stop the impending doom.


These three stories are moving, light, but deep. However, I invite you now to step into darker waters. With 'Sleepless', take the place of a man, who as a boy woke to the murder of his younger brother, and finally finds and confronts in rage the tutor who had disappeared that night. To close the collection with a short story, the premise of a novel in progress, experience 'Ghost'; the story of a man with severe brain damage, who lives his life hiding the secret that his body cannot sleep without projecting his consciousness on others.

 
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tags

, death, flat earth, ghost, happiness, irony, loss, murder, mystery, short stories, sleepwalking, spirit, synaesthesia

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Dreamer

    The day is sunny, the classroom full, and quietly boisterous. Each twelve year old is busily at work on a project, scratching out a letter to someone else from the future. There are many giggles, several of the kids sneaking a glance at other letters, but many of them are busily at work. He is busily at work. He recalls what he wrote, back then. "I am only twelve, but I know I love you. Do you love me too?" The letter continues, but those were the words to begin it, the words that he sat at the desk the longest to come up with. He is stashing the letter in his backpack, and later at his home, in a small box. He is growing up, periodically checking the letter as time flies by, and wondering how long it would be till he would part with it for its rightful owner. The letter is changing shape, from a ruled white sheet, slowly tanning, curling, wrinkling, fading. Still he is caring for it, hiding it, protecting it.

 

    The nurse wheels the man into the room, tubes and bandages covering his body, lacerations open and bleeding, burns on his side and back, with braces keeping his neck and spine as straight as possible. She quickly leaves, as a doctor, his assistant and several accompanying nurses prep for surgery. The doctors voice soon rings out... "Scalpel," then again and again, for forceps, suction, retractors, irrigation, and again suction. The nurses work in a frenzy to provide him what he needs and keep the patient stable.

 

    He is with his father, seeing everything they used to do together. He is looking over crowds of people on his fathers shoulders, racing with him on quads, playing lasertag with his and his father's friends, is laughing in bliss, his father grinning in merriment. He is fishing with his father, shooting with him at the range, exploring the bay in scuba gear, and backpacking through the mountains. His father is telling stories to him, his father is teaching him lessons, how to climb a rock face, how to fight, how to hide, how throw a ball. He remembers asking his father how to propose to a girl.

 

    The operating room is now silent but for the oxygen machine and the noises of the staff running around and working hastily. Several of the patient's ribs are revealed, broken, as the doctor attempts to pull the splinters of bone gingerly from the tissue, lungs and heart where they had flown. The silence of the room accents the moans from somewhere else in the small hospital, where a woman is undergoing labor. She screams, once, long and loud, and the patients heart rate accelerates. The staff struggle to lower his heart rate, administering a drip and struggling to keep bleeding to a minimum. The cries of an infant wafting through the halls interrupt the flustered sounds of the staff.

 

    He recalls most powerfully the jasmine. There is a night blooming jasmine tonight on the hill, and its sweet, intimate fragrance whirls around them in the gentle breeze that night as they lay on the hill and watch the stars over the skyline of the city. He can smell the jasmine. His heart starts to speed up as he sees her face when he starts to ask, feels her tremble when he shows her the ring. It is a simple thing, but her response is as if he'd offered her the moon. He melts, remembering her passionate embrace, the catch in her voice, the emphatic 'yes' repeated over and over. He knows that nothing could ever take this memory from him.

 

    The patient's heart rate spikes, and he enters cardiac arrest. The doctor yells for a crash cart, sewing him back up as fast as possible mid surgery. The crash cart arrives and the doctor wipes the patients chest clean as the staff gel and charge the paddles. "Clear," the doctor calls, and they shock the patient. There is no response. They charge and shock him twice more, before they can raise a beat. The staff pause in relief, and the doctor gives orders to stabilize him and finish sewing him up. "He's too weak. Continuing now would kill him."

 

    The drapes flow and balloon at the windows, the light purple, almost violet drapes. He recalls choosing them out when they moved in, Nicki and him. They are having so much fun choosing them! They are going from home improvement store to hardware store looking for the perfect windows, the perfect accessories, the perfect linens. They are fitting their perfect house, on the side of a hill with a large open lot nearby for the children, when the children come.

 

    He recalls, the mornings that they woke up to the brilliant sunrises shining directly in their room, bathing their bed and their faces in radiant glory. He remembers sharing a comforter on the patio as they watch the sunset and the stars in the evening. This far from the city, the stars were so bright. He smiles again, almost smelling his sharp Raspberry tea, and her favorite, the milder Vanilla and Cinnamon tea. She reaches her hand out to him, and he clasps it in his own.

 

    The patient is wheeled to ICU, and along the way, a woman with bandages of her own and an infant lying in her lap is brought alongside in her wheelchair. The baby is premature, now silent, but squirming about gently. The nurses aren't watching carefully, and the woman reaches out to the man's hand, lying limply on the side of the bed. She holds his hand for a split second, and the nurse stops her. "He's in critical condition. We can't afford the chance of getting him infected." She begs the nurse with her eyes, but the nurse refuses. "Not now. Maybe when they've got him stable enough they can move him out. Both he and the baby need the ICU now, and you'll have to stay with the child."

 

    He sees her face, as she explains, as she tells him of their child. He is dancing for joy, holding her tight, feeling her stomach, and wondering about it's new treasure. He sees the ultrasounds, when her belly has begun to swell, and falls hopelessly in love with the little boy inside. He sees the two of them making over the house, once again, for children. He sees from the windows the children from the neighborhood playing in the lot nearby, and wonders what kind of a child his boy will be. He is apprehensive. Will he be like his father? Will he like the same sports? Will he be loving? Will he be a rebel?

 

    He sees them both hanging up decorations in the child's room. He remembers looking back in his old files, wondering if he ever kept that letter. He finds it eventually... and he sees it now. "I am only twelve, but I know I love you. Do you love me too? I'm only twelve, but someday I'll be your dad, and I'll want to do everything with you. I'll want to share everything with you. I don't know what you look like, but I imagine you look handsome, like Dad says I look." He smiles, remembers showing it to her, and them both framing it in the new boy's room. He remembers walking into the new, yet empty room and wondering what it would be like with their new addition.

 

    The crying of the newborn wakes the nearby mother, who has fallen asleep from exhaustion. She props herself up, painfully, and reaches over. Their son is squirming round, reaching for her. She lifts him, holds him close to her. He is warm, soft and smooth. He reminds her of her love. She rings for a nurse, who soon arrives, and asks how he is, if she can see him. The nurse helps her up and leads her to his room.

 

    He sees her waking him in the night, her moaning, the contractions. He runs out, dazed, to fetch the car, and helps her to it. He is tired, but exhilarated at the same time. He can't wait to see his new son. They pull out.

 

    He sees them on the country road, eucalyptus trees and deep ditches framing the two lanes keeping the water from rising despite the fog and rain. He's glancing back at her in the back seat, both anxious for her and excited for the little one. She moans in anguish, the pain of anticipation, and he speaks to her, softly, quickly, soothingly. She attempts to smile at him, and he knows despite the torment, she's as anxious, nervous, and excited as he is. He gets goosebumps, and he glances back at the windshield and accelerates, hears her moan once more as the car rocks over a bump, and he is suddenly back at her side, telling her it's going to be everything they've ever dreamed of. He sees her look at her stomach, at him, at the windshield. Her eyes widen in alarm, and then... He sees the turn, the pickup roaring round the trees, swinging idly through the divider. He wonders slowly if the driver is drunk, or asleep. He sees it slide slightly on the slick asphalt, and suddenly he realizes the peril. He tries to pull over, but there is no room, no time, no space. The pickup is suddenly in his windshield...

 

     As they walk, several staff run past them with an AED and a crash cart. She sees something has happened, knows something is wrong. She runs, runs with her bandages, runs with her son. The nurse sprints after her. They reach the room, she watches from the door. The staff are charging the paddles, shocking him, trying time after time to raise him, to restart his heart. The nurse holds her, she pulls herself free. She runs to his side, through the medics surrounding the bed. They are shocking him once, and as if his body can sense her presence, the monitor jumps a beat. The following rhythm is unsteady, weak, fading. The staff start CPR, one of them injecting a syringe into his IV bag, and she holds her son with one hand as she takes his limp hand in hers once again.

 

    He sees a bright light. It all gradually forms into a soft, intangible fog of reality. He temporarily gains control, and can hear the staff speaking, though he cannot speak or respond. He struggles to communicate, but only in vain. Their voices fall to whispers, and fade away. He calls for his love, his rose. He sees her then. She's giving birth, like he'd always imagined it. They made it to the hospital in time. He is holding her hand, she is grasping his tightly. She is panting, heaving, moaning, but smiling. The doctor is giving her directions, calmly talking her through it. He sees her groan and scream. He sees the doctor retrieve the infant... he holds his breath, stumbles towards the doctor slowly, tentatively, as if in a dream. The doctor ties off the umbilical cord, washes the infant, and wraps him tightly. He is standing near the doctor, and the doctor finally turns, and holds the bundle towards him.

 

    She continues holding his hand tightly. The monitor registers several more beats, irregular, arrythmic, but he is still fading. The staff increase their resuscitation efforts, the AED is useless now. She kneels beside him, puts the baby beside him, holds the infant close to him. She weeps, remembering the accident, seeing him stretched out, torn open on the asphalt.

 

    He holds the child, sees his son's face. He sees her face, she smiles, and closes her eyes in exhaustion. He holds the child. He could hold him forever. He wonders what his life will be like. He sees himself with his son. He sees him curled up with his son, his arm on the boy's shoulder, them reading comic books together. He sees his son reading his letter, framed on the wall. "I am only twelve, but I know I love you. Do you love me too?" He sees the letter now, old, wrinkled, faded. He sees him and his son, and everything he's planned to do together. He sees himself holding his son on his shoulders, seeing himself racing with his son on quads, playing lasertag with his and his sons friends, sees his son laughing in bliss, he grinning in merriment. He sees himself fishing with his son, shooting with him at the range, exploring the bay in scuba gear, and backpacking through the mountains. He sees himself telling stories to him, sees himself teaching the boy lessons, how to climb a rock face, how to fight, how to hide, how throw a ball. He hears his son telling him, "I know you love me, and I love you too." He suddenly recognizes his son, he knows that he sees himself in his son, and no matter what happens to him, he can leave the boy everything; The boy will love and care for everything even after he himself leaves.

 

    The machine loudly flatlines, for the third time. She gasps, holds her son in one arm, grasps his limp hand in her other. Her eyes plead at the staff, but they can do little. They remove her hand and try the AED again, but it is fruitless. The CPR does little good. They try longer, and eventually stop. She holds his hand desperately, wishing it would do some good.

 

    He sees, and smiles to himself, the mornings that he woke his wife to, his son too. He sees the light on his sons hair, sees himself stroking his wife's shoulders as she slept. He sees the two sharing a comforter on the patio as they watched the children play in the lot in the afternoon, watched his son among them. He sees the sunset and the stars in the evening. This far from the city, the stars were so bright. He smiles again, almost smelling his sharp Raspberry tea, and her favorite, the milder Vanilla and Cinnamon tea. He sees her reach her hand out to him, and he clasps it in his own, as evening falls, and all fades to white.

Chapters

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pilot/writer wrote 730 days ago

I read the first story and it is very sad which is good because you evoke emotion. I must say that the way you wrote this is different than any short I ever read and I applaud you for your unique style. I will read more as these are stories to read by the bedside and savour. Shelved and starred. Fondly, Henry

Lara wrote 660 days ago

LF 40 review
these comprise an interesting and varied set of stories.
in the first three particularly the characters are well drawn. I applaud your originality and freshness of approach. I enjoyed no. 4the most so will conserve my crits f or Ghost.

This I think fails because of the narrative voice. The distant stance you've chosen is understandable given the nature of the plot, but how much more powerful it would be if you could really make us feel you were in his head. At the moment the whole fist section is 'he did this, hedid that' I sense that you wanted to create a wooden approach so that the transmogrifications have more impact but it has had the result of boring the reader and distancing him/her so that there is no identification with the MC. He/it needs to convey more than physical changes. We readers need to care more about what is happening. it is an intriguing idea but I think you need to think it out more carefully and in more detail. It does read as if you have given less time to it than Dreamer, for instance. Having said that, the set of stories as a whole make for a good and main tsar drying read.
Lara
Good for Him

thrutheblackhole wrote 686 days ago

Hi, just read through all 5 stories and enjoyed them. They're good ideas with believable characters moving at a decent pace.

Dreamer: - when operating and his heart stops, it's unlikely they'd sew him up first, they'd do internal shocking or hand massage on the heart instead. Otherwise it would take too much time.
- sad story that I think very effectively captures what so many of us want to know, that the people we love know that we loved them and will be okay when we aren't around to love them anymore

Colors of Joy: - names of the days are capitalized
- 'often distracted him and posed embarrassing' -> posed embarrassment?
- 'and he saw them even without him saying them as dark shadows moving in the sky' saying them? Is the them a typo?
- 'He retorted to Sean' retort generally refers to a response but Sean hasn't said anything
- A bit repetitive on the standing alone sentiment
- Nice use of colors to show the words and emotions behind them

The Leak
- 'hitting random switches" ' quote marks at the end of the paragraph but no speech
- Enjoyed this a lot. Well executed

Sleepless
- 'chose one he hadn't read' reads as if he's choosing a bookshelf instead of a book
- Why would steel frames shatter with books? Wouldn't it be the glass shattering under the weight?
- Is he saying title 'The Lizards Curse'? or should it rather be in Italics or single quotation marks?
- Franz has no capital in a number of references to him
- 'Searching for evidence of movement.' the first line of the next paragraph has 'his glance' referring to Kane and then goes deeply into Aaron's thoughts. The first line should reference Kane by name I think to make it clear when the perspective switches.
- 'returned to bitterness. "This is for you franz' Capital and end quotes missing
- 'He entered the sitting room, and saw Kane' This whole paragraph jumps confusingly when referring to he and I had to reread some lines to know which he was being referred to and perhaps you should consider rephrasing parts of it.
- 'He destroyed...' end quotes are missing
A very dramatic story but some of this is missing in the telling. With some editing I think given your style it would be that step up.

Ghost: 'quickly searches the computer system for Dr Kenneth O'Bbrian' -> double b. same paragraph 'and signed of' -> off
- good story and idea I think. Leaves me with a creeping feeling of other people in my head. There is a lack of connection and urgency with the bodies though, as if the sense is missing. Is that deliberate?

Hope you find some of the comments useful. Thanks for the enjoyable stories.
Imelda
A Jumble of Emotions

J.S.Watts wrote 723 days ago

LF40 Review (part 5 and conclusion)

GHOST – An intriguing and imaginative idea. I like the semi-upbeat and hopeful ending. In terms of the delivery of it, punctuation remains an issue and some of the sentences felt a bit clunky to me.

In conclusion, and looking at the entire collection posted here, you have a vivid and entertaining imagination and are obviously a keen story teller, but there are still things to be worked on to improve upon what you have. For me the key things are:

Punctuation – particularly the use of the possessive apostrophe;

Language – editing to make sure the flow is smooth and natural and the language is saying what you intended it to;

Style – this is a very personal thing, but it seemed to me that your focus in on telling the story, getting the events down on paper as quickly as possible and as a result you haven’t given as much thought to the style and tone of each piece. You might want to consider ways to heighten the drama or humour in certain pieces, slowing things down to build up a greater sense of mystery or tension, speeding things up from the rest of the narrative where pace is key, taking time to explore your characters in more depth or just adding a few key words to give them more depth than they sometimes have.

Needless to say, these are just one person’s thoughts, so feel free to take them with a hefty pinch of salt, but I hope some of this proves helpful.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

J.S.Watts wrote 724 days ago

LF40 Review (part 4)

SLEEPLESS– A dramatic opening paragraph. You might want to rethink the section beginning “Aaron always had a problem with sleeping deeply…..”It read strangely to me as most people have a problem interacting with others before they wake. Also sentence two of the second paragraph –because of the grammatical structure it seems as if Kane is reading his bookshelves rather than the books.

Typo alert “he awaken(ed) beside his bed”.

Having read to the revelation at the end I now understand what you are aiming at with the phrase “Aaron always had a problem….” I still think you need to restructure the sentence, however.

I liked the revelation at the end and the idea behind the story. I though you could, maybe, make a bit more of the drama leading up to the revelation. Also, and it may be me, but I found the flow of the language in this story less fluid than in some others. You might want to have a think about that too.

Nevertheless, an interesting and dramatic tale.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

J.S.Watts wrote 725 days ago

LF40 Review (part 3)

THE LEAK– Good start. I like the description of the drinks and the drunks. The prose is flowing smoothly.

The first hiccup, for me, was the phrase, “though he knew not why”. If it’s done for stylistic effect, I’m not sure it works or what the effect is supposed to be. If it’s just slipped in, then I’d take it out, because it sounds archaic to my ear like “forsooth, he knew not why” archaic. How about plain and simple “ though he didn’t know why” or “though he had no idea why” ?

I know you say that sobriety is not a requirement for fly the helicopter, but a man so drunk flying one did crawl into the realms of unbelievable for me – whether that matters in the context of the story I’m still not clear.

A nice little twist at the end of the story.

If I were writing this, which I’m not, so feel free to ignore this final section of the review, I’d be tempted to make more of the drunken state of the pair, including having problems flying the helicopter on the way to the hole, (which would partially address my earlier incredulity) so that their death comes across all the more as drunken ineptitude. I’d then have the NASA types hailing them as unsung heroes, to make an amusing contrast with the reality of the thing, but that’s just me. In other words, if it were my story, I’d try to make this piece more overtly humorous than currently.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

J.S.Watts wrote 726 days ago

LF40 Review (part 2)

COLOURS OF JOY– An emotional story and a visually descriptive one. I wonder if you could make more of this? For me, this is a subject crying out for a more poetic treatment as well as the straight narrative of the story which you have got down solidly.

I found Jamie’s viewpoint conveyed very clearly, if, perhaps, a tad repetitively. Is there anyway you might convey his “I stand alone” viewpoint by showing the reader as well as telling us the same on a number of occasions?

I though the ending could be a little clearer in some ways. It’s highly charged emotionally, but I wasn’t clear what Jamie was being offered by Sean and The Kelly’s: friendship, fostering, adoption and was this Sean’s idea or a joint effort by the whole family? There might be more to be made from the ending in terms of description too. Can you show the ending to the reader as well as tell us about it?

Typo alert in the first paragraph, “is peripheral”: it’s? his? Peripheral what?

In conclusion, a solid narrative, but I personally felt more could be done in terms of tone, style and use of language.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

athomemom wrote 726 days ago

I loved this expose' of a young man in love with the boundless nature of human relationships the way they were intended. Fighting the ultimate ending all the way, I succumbed to his peace. All the while, the reader must identify with the young husband, the wife and the new son, who'll sadly miss knowing his loving father.
I hope he has the letter...
Be sure to correct the possessives, it distracts from the read.

Su Dan wrote 727 days ago

l love short stories so l will back this book...you write and tell these stories well and l will give the book six stars******
read SEASONS...

J.S.Watts wrote 727 days ago

LF40 Review (part 1)

Unless you request otherwise, I shall provide a commentary story by story and then comment on the collection as a whole in my final review.

The first story I’ve read is DREAMER – A sad and poignant tale. Movingly written.

On the negative side, you might want to check that all medical procedures are correct, I found myself getting distracted by things like the proximity of the operating theatre to the labour room, which doesn’t normally occur in real life.

I’m not convinced by the repetition of ‘ busily’ in the opening paragraph. Personally I’d replace the first one with something else, leaving just one word echo (which I assume is intentional – otherwise I’d replace one of the others too). Also I’m not sure the tense flow is consistent. ”till he would part with it” doesn’t seem to fit – till he parts with it?. Also you might want to consider a punctuation edit. There are some obvious typos lying around, particularly in relation to the use (or lack of it) of possessive apostrophes.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

zan wrote 728 days ago

Of a Troubled Heart; Selected Short Stories
Timothy Carstensen

Seems like a good collection of shorts - saw it doing very well in the weekly charts so others must concur with me. "Sleepless" contains a very socially relevant theme which often outrages - who would dare raise his hand against a child? Difficult one to read but you seem to have a knack for writing vividly about some of the realities with which people are faced, however good, however horrific. All the best with your writing. Star rated and on my list to go up on my shelf in due course.

kategrimes@live.co.uk wrote 729 days ago

This has got to be one of the best books on the site, Tim. I enjoyed reading it tremendously. I really envy your talent. My own book of short stories comes no-where near. I loved The Colours of Joy. It must be incredible to be able to 'see' emotions, sounds and smells as well as hear or smell them. Your stories have so much different emotions. A truly great read and well-deserving six stars. Backed and on w/l.

Kate Grimes LIZZIE- CUPPA TALES - TALES OF WILLOW GREEN

zyradustorm wrote 730 days ago

timmy i was all crying...

pilot/writer wrote 730 days ago

I read the first story and it is very sad which is good because you evoke emotion. I must say that the way you wrote this is different than any short I ever read and I applaud you for your unique style. I will read more as these are stories to read by the bedside and savour. Shelved and starred. Fondly, Henry

t_carstensen_fan wrote 740 days ago
1