Book Jacket

 

rank 987
word count 13358
date submitted 09.05.2011
date updated 24.05.2011
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Science ...
classification: moderate
complete

Of a Troubled Heart; Selected Short Stories

Timothy Carstensen

In this varied array of short stories, you can find stories of the soul, stories that hurt, and stories that heal.

 

Delve into the world of a man living out the life he's gradually built, as he lies comatose in the hospital ('Dreamer'). Become the orphan afflicted with a disorienting psychosensory condition that has kept him secluded, until another boy invites him into a friendship, and offers him something he never thought he could have ('The Colors of Joy'). Then there's 'The Leak', the story of a man, who imbibes till inebriation upon losing everything, finds that the world is on the brink of extinction, and attempts to stop the impending doom.


These three stories are moving, light, but deep. However, I invite you now to step into darker waters. With 'Sleepless', take the place of a man, who as a boy woke to the murder of his younger brother, and finally finds and confronts in rage the tutor who had disappeared that night. To close the collection with a short story, the premise of a novel in progress, experience 'Ghost'; the story of a man with severe brain damage, who lives his life hiding the secret that his body cannot sleep without projecting his consciousness on others.

 
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tags

, death, flat earth, ghost, happiness, irony, loss, murder, mystery, short stories, sleepwalking, spirit, synaesthesia

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Chapters

5

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Ghost

    He looked both ways down the alley. He was wearing a football jersey, and had green spiked hair. He felt younger, a bit. He felt a miserable itch, but ignored it.

    He approached the gas station, considering what he was hungry for, just a candy bar or a real snack. As he entered, he heard yelling. Looking towards the register, he saw a masked man holding the store owner up. He quickly ducked behind a display, and concentrated to black himself. He felt his body weaken, and start to fall, but before he knew it he was waking as the mugger. He was holding the gun down and yelling for the gas station to accept the offer of protection. The attendent protested, and he cocked the gun.

    He struggled for control of the body, arguing with it, fighting with it. This was getting easier with practice, though it always made him feel more like an angel on the body's shoulder than the actual body itself.

    He muscled the gun down, and the attendant glanced over him in confusion. The other body in the green hair, he turned to see, was staring in shock and fear at the ordeal. He held the handgun steady, and slowly walked out of the gas station, and into the street, at what point he considered whether or not he should kill this person. He didn't want to start killing now, though, so he just disabled him. Placing the gun to his right shoulder, He fired, and screamed with the pain. Turning the gun to his opposite shoulder, he fired again, and collapsed, both arms useless, and lost consciousness.

 

    He woke up, jerking up in his bed in reflex, searching left and right for anything out of place. His sandy hair hung wet over his head, several strands clinging to his ears, his neck. His eyes twitched rapidly, and he flicked on the light, pulling up his shirt.

    HOME, he read, carved into his flesh, his left side above his waist. It wasn't written right side up, so others could read it, but up side down, as if meant only for his eyes. It wasn't cut either, but scratched in, gouged in, as if by the fingernails of a madman. Perhaps it was by a madman. He remembered doing it, but he didn't know at this point if enough of his sanity still remained to keep him from that category. He trembled, but he knew he couldn't stay awake for long. His body was too tired. He was always too tired. Even though he managed to keep himself awake for about ten minutes this time, before he knew it, he was no longer conscious.

 

    He woke, and looked around. He was on a couch, in a crummy apartment. He lay on the couch for a moment, taking in the newspapers and junk food wrappers on the floor, then checked his side to make sure he wasn't home. The scarred word was absent.

    He rose, and walked through the apartment to find a bathroom. Upon finding one, he stood over the sink, and stared at himself in the mirror. Seeing the dirty, unshaven, dark complexion framed by black hair staring back at him, he felt slight vestiges of the body's memories. The body belonged to Albert, his father was dead, he worked at the gas station, and whatever extra cash he had on him at any given time he spent at the bar.

    He stepped back, and left the sink, stumbling with this revelation. Sitting at a couch, he tried to calm himself and keep himself seperated from those memories, and seeing the remote, he turned on the TV. The TV was on a watchlist channel, and a sketch was being shown of a bald man with a goatee. He caught the word 'identity' from the announcer, and chuckled. For him, identity crisis was an understatement. He continued to watch for a moment. TV had a calming effect on him and often helped him overcome troubles with keeping his memories seperate from the body's memories. When he was composed enough, he logged into his cloud storage interface from Albert's computer. He retrieved his search histories and continued browsing. His own body was too tired for him to do anything from home, and he couldn't allow anything to be traced back to him anyway. The gang was still looking, and it was only a matter of time before they found him. He couldn't let that happen, but he might as well make progress from here. He'd been looking for an answer to what was happening to him for years, but he was getting close.

    It was not scientific, what he actually found this time; that is, it was not an experimental thesis. It was a philisophical theory. He found it under the name of Dr. Kenneth O'Brian, both a neuroscientist and a philosopher. He scanned the few articles he could find on the theory. The theory was called dynamic consciousness, and held that when people slept, their minds, with their senses, their disabilities, their and their memories remained intact, but their consciousness, which had no connection to their body when they were unconsious, instead was released into the world, and woke in another body which was gaining consciousness at that moment. The reason no one was aware of this phenomenon, was the memories were biologically recorded. Every person had the only memories of that brain, and so was perfectly unaware of the phenomenon.

    He looked further, and found out slightly more familiar words. Dr. O'Bian had experienced nightmares that got recurringly more debilitating in his youth, and then suddenly seemed to end for a dozen years, and then after his work had begun, he'd gone insane, spent two years at an asylum, and died. He looked for some evidence that the doctor had figured out what had happened to him, but couldn't find anything. He located the asylum that had housed the doctor in his last years, and looked up their current employee records. After getting a name, he wiped the ram of the computer, returned to the couch, and turned off the TV. He laid on the couch, and after concentrating heard for a second, he blacked himself.

 

    He woke up behind a hospital desk. He was logged in as a nurse Greg Kirkland, and he quickly searched the computer system for Dr. Kenneth O'Bbrian. When he couldn't find him, he searched for Kenneth, Kenny, and Ken O'Brian, eventually finding him. He browsed the medical record, looking for anomalies, and suddenly realized this was taking him too long. He couldn't risk dealing with Greg's memories right now. Opening an internet line, he submitted it to cloud storage, wiped the ram, and signed of. He leaned back in his seat, and realizing he had to finish this before he returned home, he concentrated on a friend who lived north state, and blacked himself.

 

    He woke as his friend. Satisfied that he wouldn't be traced, he got on the computer again and recovered the documentation. After a few more minutes, he retrieved something interesting. Dr. O'Brian had a rare debilitating birth defect that had caused incredible initial and gradual trauma to his hippocampus, his amygdala, his striatum, and several other brain lobes... all connected to the neuroanatomy of memory. He'd had severe biological amnesia.

    He sat back. How could he have had amnesia? He did research, compounding scenarios and ideas together to form hypotheses. How could he have done that unless... Unless he'd repaired his memory. Unless he'd rerouted it... That was it! He had what Dr. O'Brian had... his brain had failed him in keeping memory, but in response, he'd somatically shifted his memory to his consciousness. Like savants, when a lobe failed them, they shifted that function around it. Only he'd shifted his memory to his consciousness, completely isolating it from his body. That was why whenever he slept, he shifted from one body to the next. He must've over time learned to control it, learned to stay in the one body. That must explain how he learned to control where his consciousness went. He wondered if the other bodies must have as memory the events that transpired while he was present, but then realized, if they went straight to his consciousness, it must bypass their minds. To them it must just seem like a blackout.

    He sat back. So now he knew what must've happened to him, why he was this way. He supposed that when he swapped consciousness with another, they had no memory in his body, and when they returned, they had no memory of what he'd done in theirs. He was effectively invisible to them.

    Feeling the memories of his friend begin to assail him, he concentrated on himself, and blacked himself.

 

    He woke up home, and got up, feeling much more refreshed the night before. Realizing that now he could actually understand what was happening to him, he could probably learn how to better control it, to better use it. Perhaps he could even show the gang not to keep searching for him.

    The gang. He wished he'd never followed them, those kids. They lured him down an alley, claiming their friend was injured, and jumped him. He'd blacked himself, and the kids ended up shot in both shoulders. If it had just been that one time, then the gang might not have noticed, but there was the mugging that he heard and interrupted, and the extortion/turned robbery situation he'd intervened in. He wasn't trying to be a hero, but there was so much corruption and crime on the streets, it was impossible not to be involved.

    He knew they were looking at him, but he couldn't yet figure if they wanted his employment, wanted his secret, or wanted his body. Either way, he'd have to refuse, so he just continued running.

 

    He realized, now that he was awake, that it was time to work. He'd done many odd jobs over the years, utilizing his secret, both from corporate spying to insider trading to law enforcement interrogation, though that wasn't an official role, merely an assisting one. The job he currently held was one of protection. He employed himself out to people he knew as private bodyguards, a prize rare in this age. As recompension, the clients offered a small fraction of their pay checks to his use. After all, they didn't have to be aware of the arrangement all the time, they just needed to learn to enjoy it. He didn't feel as dishonest, as long as he was looking out for them. He logged off his computer.
 
    He left for work early in the morning, not noticing two men loitering in a white sedan nearby. When he arrived back home that afternoon, he entered to find the house ripped from top to bottom. He saw it from the entry, and ran.

    He heard a shout and he put on an extra burst of speed. He heard multiple feet pounding behind him, but kept running fast himself. There was gunfire, and he hid in a ditch. Concentrating on the running feet, he blacked himself.

 

    He looked around, he was stumbling, but he caught himself. He had a glock out, and was in casual clothes, but he had a uniform under his shirt. He felt a kevlar vest under his jacket too. These guys were some sort of guards... or cops. That explains how they were able to find him so fast... but he wondered why they were here, and suddenly was flooded with memories. He saw the man he shot extortioning the gas station attendent, but the man was in uniform, collaborating with other cops. The man he stopped earlier was a cop! He tried to suppress the memories. He needed to know what was going on, but first he had to get away. He slowed down as he and three of the other cops approached the culvert, and breathed deep. Cocking the gun, he pointed it at one of the other guards, and shot him, He shot the other, and then shot himself in the chest, knowing none of the guards would die, but they would be down for a moment.

    He blacked himself, returned to his body, and kept running. Were these dirty cops? Or just the one at the gas station? He ran round the corner, and seeing a police car round the curve, he ran into a motel lobby. He heard the sirens grow louder, and ran through the lobby to the back, and hopped the fence. He ran down the sidewalk on the other side, and heard a click behind him.

    He whirled and saw the man behind him, his eyes narrowing, his fingers tightening on the  rifle trigger. He concentrated hard, as fast as possible, but he heard the gunshot before he blacked out.

 

    He woke, frozen, still holding the gun, and stepped back in horror. In front of him stood himself, his own long sandy hair flying, his bloodshot eyes twitching in panic, and his hands holding his chest, where a blackened hole now fountained dark red. He saw himself stumble, saw himself fall limply, his shirttail billowing up, his eyes blinking in confusion, and he stepped back, knowing in shock that the guards consciousness that had entered him at that last second had no idea why he was being shot.

    He dropped the gun, looking at his own fallen body. He'd died... He'd not blacked fast enough, and he was dead. He could still see, as the shirt had lifted, a part of the scar tissue that had crudely formed the word HOME.

    But he wasn't gone! He was still here... but he'd died. He dropped the guards gun and stumbled to his body, and held it. He tried to do CPR but the blood just kept flowing until he knew it was too late. He held the body in tearless shock. What next?

 

    He eventually heard voices, and left his body behind, running as the guard away. Pausing just before he turned a corner, he looked back at himself, fallen, cold and alone. He should have stayed in the body. There was no reason why he should still exist. It was all over, and he was alone.

    He briefly wondered if Dr. O'Brian had ever felt this despair... and paused. Dr. O'Brian might have survived death too... He could still be alive, and if anyone could find him, he could! He picked up his pace, having new purpose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapters

5

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pilot/writer wrote 736 days ago

I read the first story and it is very sad which is good because you evoke emotion. I must say that the way you wrote this is different than any short I ever read and I applaud you for your unique style. I will read more as these are stories to read by the bedside and savour. Shelved and starred. Fondly, Henry

Lara wrote 665 days ago

LF 40 review
these comprise an interesting and varied set of stories.
in the first three particularly the characters are well drawn. I applaud your originality and freshness of approach. I enjoyed no. 4the most so will conserve my crits f or Ghost.

This I think fails because of the narrative voice. The distant stance you've chosen is understandable given the nature of the plot, but how much more powerful it would be if you could really make us feel you were in his head. At the moment the whole fist section is 'he did this, hedid that' I sense that you wanted to create a wooden approach so that the transmogrifications have more impact but it has had the result of boring the reader and distancing him/her so that there is no identification with the MC. He/it needs to convey more than physical changes. We readers need to care more about what is happening. it is an intriguing idea but I think you need to think it out more carefully and in more detail. It does read as if you have given less time to it than Dreamer, for instance. Having said that, the set of stories as a whole make for a good and main tsar drying read.
Lara
Good for Him

thrutheblackhole wrote 691 days ago

Hi, just read through all 5 stories and enjoyed them. They're good ideas with believable characters moving at a decent pace.

Dreamer: - when operating and his heart stops, it's unlikely they'd sew him up first, they'd do internal shocking or hand massage on the heart instead. Otherwise it would take too much time.
- sad story that I think very effectively captures what so many of us want to know, that the people we love know that we loved them and will be okay when we aren't around to love them anymore

Colors of Joy: - names of the days are capitalized
- 'often distracted him and posed embarrassing' -> posed embarrassment?
- 'and he saw them even without him saying them as dark shadows moving in the sky' saying them? Is the them a typo?
- 'He retorted to Sean' retort generally refers to a response but Sean hasn't said anything
- A bit repetitive on the standing alone sentiment
- Nice use of colors to show the words and emotions behind them

The Leak
- 'hitting random switches" ' quote marks at the end of the paragraph but no speech
- Enjoyed this a lot. Well executed

Sleepless
- 'chose one he hadn't read' reads as if he's choosing a bookshelf instead of a book
- Why would steel frames shatter with books? Wouldn't it be the glass shattering under the weight?
- Is he saying title 'The Lizards Curse'? or should it rather be in Italics or single quotation marks?
- Franz has no capital in a number of references to him
- 'Searching for evidence of movement.' the first line of the next paragraph has 'his glance' referring to Kane and then goes deeply into Aaron's thoughts. The first line should reference Kane by name I think to make it clear when the perspective switches.
- 'returned to bitterness. "This is for you franz' Capital and end quotes missing
- 'He entered the sitting room, and saw Kane' This whole paragraph jumps confusingly when referring to he and I had to reread some lines to know which he was being referred to and perhaps you should consider rephrasing parts of it.
- 'He destroyed...' end quotes are missing
A very dramatic story but some of this is missing in the telling. With some editing I think given your style it would be that step up.

Ghost: 'quickly searches the computer system for Dr Kenneth O'Bbrian' -> double b. same paragraph 'and signed of' -> off
- good story and idea I think. Leaves me with a creeping feeling of other people in my head. There is a lack of connection and urgency with the bodies though, as if the sense is missing. Is that deliberate?

Hope you find some of the comments useful. Thanks for the enjoyable stories.
Imelda
A Jumble of Emotions

J.S.Watts wrote 728 days ago

LF40 Review (part 5 and conclusion)

GHOST – An intriguing and imaginative idea. I like the semi-upbeat and hopeful ending. In terms of the delivery of it, punctuation remains an issue and some of the sentences felt a bit clunky to me.

In conclusion, and looking at the entire collection posted here, you have a vivid and entertaining imagination and are obviously a keen story teller, but there are still things to be worked on to improve upon what you have. For me the key things are:

Punctuation – particularly the use of the possessive apostrophe;

Language – editing to make sure the flow is smooth and natural and the language is saying what you intended it to;

Style – this is a very personal thing, but it seemed to me that your focus in on telling the story, getting the events down on paper as quickly as possible and as a result you haven’t given as much thought to the style and tone of each piece. You might want to consider ways to heighten the drama or humour in certain pieces, slowing things down to build up a greater sense of mystery or tension, speeding things up from the rest of the narrative where pace is key, taking time to explore your characters in more depth or just adding a few key words to give them more depth than they sometimes have.

Needless to say, these are just one person’s thoughts, so feel free to take them with a hefty pinch of salt, but I hope some of this proves helpful.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

J.S.Watts wrote 729 days ago

LF40 Review (part 4)

SLEEPLESS– A dramatic opening paragraph. You might want to rethink the section beginning “Aaron always had a problem with sleeping deeply…..”It read strangely to me as most people have a problem interacting with others before they wake. Also sentence two of the second paragraph –because of the grammatical structure it seems as if Kane is reading his bookshelves rather than the books.

Typo alert “he awaken(ed) beside his bed”.

Having read to the revelation at the end I now understand what you are aiming at with the phrase “Aaron always had a problem….” I still think you need to restructure the sentence, however.

I liked the revelation at the end and the idea behind the story. I though you could, maybe, make a bit more of the drama leading up to the revelation. Also, and it may be me, but I found the flow of the language in this story less fluid than in some others. You might want to have a think about that too.

Nevertheless, an interesting and dramatic tale.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

J.S.Watts wrote 730 days ago

LF40 Review (part 3)

THE LEAK– Good start. I like the description of the drinks and the drunks. The prose is flowing smoothly.

The first hiccup, for me, was the phrase, “though he knew not why”. If it’s done for stylistic effect, I’m not sure it works or what the effect is supposed to be. If it’s just slipped in, then I’d take it out, because it sounds archaic to my ear like “forsooth, he knew not why” archaic. How about plain and simple “ though he didn’t know why” or “though he had no idea why” ?

I know you say that sobriety is not a requirement for fly the helicopter, but a man so drunk flying one did crawl into the realms of unbelievable for me – whether that matters in the context of the story I’m still not clear.

A nice little twist at the end of the story.

If I were writing this, which I’m not, so feel free to ignore this final section of the review, I’d be tempted to make more of the drunken state of the pair, including having problems flying the helicopter on the way to the hole, (which would partially address my earlier incredulity) so that their death comes across all the more as drunken ineptitude. I’d then have the NASA types hailing them as unsung heroes, to make an amusing contrast with the reality of the thing, but that’s just me. In other words, if it were my story, I’d try to make this piece more overtly humorous than currently.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

J.S.Watts wrote 731 days ago

LF40 Review (part 2)

COLOURS OF JOY– An emotional story and a visually descriptive one. I wonder if you could make more of this? For me, this is a subject crying out for a more poetic treatment as well as the straight narrative of the story which you have got down solidly.

I found Jamie’s viewpoint conveyed very clearly, if, perhaps, a tad repetitively. Is there anyway you might convey his “I stand alone” viewpoint by showing the reader as well as telling us the same on a number of occasions?

I though the ending could be a little clearer in some ways. It’s highly charged emotionally, but I wasn’t clear what Jamie was being offered by Sean and The Kelly’s: friendship, fostering, adoption and was this Sean’s idea or a joint effort by the whole family? There might be more to be made from the ending in terms of description too. Can you show the ending to the reader as well as tell us about it?

Typo alert in the first paragraph, “is peripheral”: it’s? his? Peripheral what?

In conclusion, a solid narrative, but I personally felt more could be done in terms of tone, style and use of language.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

athomemom wrote 731 days ago

I loved this expose' of a young man in love with the boundless nature of human relationships the way they were intended. Fighting the ultimate ending all the way, I succumbed to his peace. All the while, the reader must identify with the young husband, the wife and the new son, who'll sadly miss knowing his loving father.
I hope he has the letter...
Be sure to correct the possessives, it distracts from the read.

Su Dan wrote 732 days ago

l love short stories so l will back this book...you write and tell these stories well and l will give the book six stars******
read SEASONS...

J.S.Watts wrote 732 days ago

LF40 Review (part 1)

Unless you request otherwise, I shall provide a commentary story by story and then comment on the collection as a whole in my final review.

The first story I’ve read is DREAMER – A sad and poignant tale. Movingly written.

On the negative side, you might want to check that all medical procedures are correct, I found myself getting distracted by things like the proximity of the operating theatre to the labour room, which doesn’t normally occur in real life.

I’m not convinced by the repetition of ‘ busily’ in the opening paragraph. Personally I’d replace the first one with something else, leaving just one word echo (which I assume is intentional – otherwise I’d replace one of the others too). Also I’m not sure the tense flow is consistent. ”till he would part with it” doesn’t seem to fit – till he parts with it?. Also you might want to consider a punctuation edit. There are some obvious typos lying around, particularly in relation to the use (or lack of it) of possessive apostrophes.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

zan wrote 733 days ago

Of a Troubled Heart; Selected Short Stories
Timothy Carstensen

Seems like a good collection of shorts - saw it doing very well in the weekly charts so others must concur with me. "Sleepless" contains a very socially relevant theme which often outrages - who would dare raise his hand against a child? Difficult one to read but you seem to have a knack for writing vividly about some of the realities with which people are faced, however good, however horrific. All the best with your writing. Star rated and on my list to go up on my shelf in due course.

kategrimes@live.co.uk wrote 734 days ago

This has got to be one of the best books on the site, Tim. I enjoyed reading it tremendously. I really envy your talent. My own book of short stories comes no-where near. I loved The Colours of Joy. It must be incredible to be able to 'see' emotions, sounds and smells as well as hear or smell them. Your stories have so much different emotions. A truly great read and well-deserving six stars. Backed and on w/l.

Kate Grimes LIZZIE- CUPPA TALES - TALES OF WILLOW GREEN

zyradustorm wrote 735 days ago

timmy i was all crying...

pilot/writer wrote 736 days ago

I read the first story and it is very sad which is good because you evoke emotion. I must say that the way you wrote this is different than any short I ever read and I applaud you for your unique style. I will read more as these are stories to read by the bedside and savour. Shelved and starred. Fondly, Henry

t_carstensen_fan wrote 745 days ago
1