The Baggage Carousel

Punchy and deliciously witty. There's also a nice understated tenderness towards the characters which makes them immediately an intimate part of one's reading. Really good work.

Well, I'm back :)

This is very clever writing. It draws the reader in and takes them through a gamut of emotions. One minute we're laughing the next pulling back with disgust and then if that wasn't enough, we're suddenly reduced to tears.

Dan is a wonderful character. Full of floors - in his persona - in other words 'real, honest'. And Amber, who could not love her? Dan's stories regarding his mother grabbed my heart and the change in him is crystal clear when he speaks of his grandmother.

This is a journey for the reader. Your writing should be adorning bookshops not stuck on a page somewhere on the internet. I hope you're doing something about this? If not, then that would be a shame and besides, I want to know how it ends!

Best.

Sam

I kinda liked your short pitch. 'Tis true, I fear. I read the first chapter and became captivated by Dan and by your writing. I'm going to make this my 'Sunday read' *smile*. I'll come back and tell you what I think. In the mean time have the last space on my shelf because you made me smile. You never know, you might enjoy the view and decide to stay. That's if the owner agrees, of course. ;)

Sam

Dave, I just had to stop in for a quick read, and by the time I got to, ‘Only the bloodied shards of a fragmented heart that I will press to the carotid artery of the girl who smashed it.’ I knew I would love it and wasn’t disappointed.

There were so many humorous phrases that stood out in the nine chapters that I read, a couple of the ones I thought to jot down were, ‘I wonder if I’ll be forced to intermediate in the event of an in-flight coup, ...a potentially extremist bag, on a blind date with The Riddler.’

The emails from Dan were a great insight into his character and what he feels for Amber, I loved them. You definitely have a way with words and are a master at creating rich visualizations for the reader. There was only one phrase I stumbled over and that was your description of Amber’s hair as ‘dirty blonde’. I know that certain shades of blonde are described as such; however, when reading it, and the fact that they were in bed, made me think more of the state of her hair as being dirty rather than the colour of it. A small nitpick and nothing really just wanted to point that out as an observation from a reader’s perspective.

This was most entertaining. I do not expect a return read; this was merely for my reading pleasure, and I will continue to read further on. High stars

oops - typo in my last comment - look = looking or browsing

Great writing. I recently rejoined Authonomy and have been look for a couple of days and this is the first book I've come across that does it properly

Very much enjoyed the first 8 chapters and plan to read more. I really like Dan's emails to Amber, I can already see that they are going to take a turn and I'm looking forward to the descent. Your writing seems effortless, particularly the descriptive stuff. I loved the picture you painted of Dubai. The humour doesn't try too hard and you have adeft touch.
Thanks for a pleasurable hour.

August74

Funny and engaging. The only bit I felt was 'wrong' was the 'I,myself,' right at the start. At school we were always told that was a no no. (Only need one of them). However, as it is so amusing, it doesn't really matter so much (so why did I bother mentioning it? Who knows? It might be the glass of wine at my elbow!).
I very much like this and will WL it for further reading and high stars from me!
Andrea

Dave...You sure do have an amazing wit. And your grasp on humanity alone, is stellar. While I haven't finished the book, I had to comment now. Your imagination has made my own sit up and take notice. I loved how you use words to create visuals of the depth of feelings...and my dimples hurt from grinning. Six stars from me for that alone.
Linda

Only read a small part as I want to read as many as I can. I loved this mad wacky story and have to say you have done so well with it. I wish you luck with it
Sean

It’s been a long while since I’ve read anything on here. But this is the one I want to get back to first. So here goes:
Chapter 7:
The solitary flickering flame bit in the second sentence – doesn’t honestly make much sense.
It’s really weird seeing old people strapped into their beds watching TV in nursing homes. Like Wall-E come true.
Chapter 8:
That same guy is still sat there on his own (should be sitting there)
Chapter 9:
“broad” crit: At this stage, the timeline disconnect is starting to get a little confusing. I’m honestly not sure where/when Dan is in this chapter. I realize you’re stringing the story together, but I’m starting to wonder if either you should have timeline headings or place headings at the top of each chapter to indicate what’s going on.

Chapter 10/11/12: didn’t find anything I didn’t like. In particularly, I learned what recidivist meant, and I like learning new words. It also feels more storyline-y.

Chapter 13:
I like this chapter. I do. It feels a little off though – I was really looking forward to seeing how Amber and Dan’s relationship came about, and then it came back to him back in England. I suppose the hardest bit is that it’s actually quite jumpy – I think largely because chapters are shortened in autho format. I think your time on each segment (Dan in present, Amber in past) should be longer, so that it feels less jumpy. Just a thought.

Chapter 14:
I really, really enjoyed this chapter. And “when stupid people are too stupid to realize they’re being stupid” is a true fact of life.

And that’s all I’ve got time for. Hopefully helpful.
E

Dave, I've read the first seven chapters (my, there are a lot of chapters!), so I still have a way to go before I get to the action. This looks as though it could lead to romance, but maybe not before a few obstacles are thrown in the way.

I like your writing style. It's very direct and your observations are astute and witty. The chronology is keeping me on my toes as the focus shifts from place to place, time to time and person to person.

The only thing that I would change is the dialogue. The use of speech marks would differentiate it more clearly from the narration around it.

Other than that, I look forward to reading more.

Helen
Glass Dreams

I've been wanting to read this book for a long time and now I finally managed to read a few chapters. It's fun, wacky and readable. I've passed through Dubai several times but I couldn't quite come up with the right words to explain how it is and when I read your description, I just had to say,' Yes! that's what I felt!' I enjoy your cool funny description of things and the story line. But are you sure it's not a love story? Well, I just have to continue and see if it is not. Great work!

R

There are a few books on Authonomy I wish I could hav e written. This is one of those.

Superb writing. Don't change a thing. Except two dodgy apostrophes.

Hey Dave,

EllieMcG recommended this to me, and I'm happy to say that I love it. I have to quit reading for the moment; so I'll go ahead and post my comments.

The writing is very good. The narration is quirky and fun and sort of dark all at the same time. Quite wonderful. I'm happy to say that this is a recommendation I was glad to read. Very good work!

Here are my detailed comments on the chapters I read so far:

Autho Chp1:
- “seven months, all my former…” that should be a semi-colon
- “fifty five” should be hyphenated
- Comma after “remove it”
- It’s a bit confusing to write dialogue using dashes instead of quotation marks
- “the family who were at” “were” should be “was”
- “tokenistic stab, the…” should be a semi-colon
- Comma after “considers my words”

Autho Chp3:
- No comma after “you’re a tourist”
- “chickens feet” you need an apostrophe in chicken’s
- Should be a period after “I’m limbo dancing now”
- Period after “koalas you gave to me”
- “internal flight” sounds a bit weird – that might just be me, but “domestic flight” sounds better, I think

Autho Chp 4:
- I think it would be better to say “at Dubai International Airport” – touching down “in” an airport sounds a bit off
- “deep seated” should be hyphenated
- Should be a period after “I’ve always despised mine”
- No comma after “bag better now”

Autho Chp5:
- Comma after “acclimatise”
- Okay so this is just my opinion, but it seems a bit weird to have this is present tense. Mostly because the previous chapter, I’m pretty sure, takes place after the time in Cape Town, and this chapter is right before it. However the one that happens later in time is in past tense, and the one that happens earlier is present. Present tense makes me feel like it’s the most recent action in the book, but it’s not. So it’s a bit confusing…

Autho Chp 6:
- Comma after “home” in the first sentence
- “smudge faced” should be hyphenated
- “cake shop” should be hyphenated
- “stripy suited” should be hyphenated
- No comma after” perambulatory meals”
- hyphenate “jewel encrusted”
- no comma needed after “Burger King”
- period after “in Basra now”

Autho Chp7:
- semi-colon after “when I arrived”
- no comma after “around for a while”
- comma after “places I’d visited”
- “Like she were a truffling pig” were should be was, and I would say “truffle pig”

Good work!

Anna-Lara
Throne of Gwindelm

This is good, the first thing I've read on here that I can honestly say I'm reading without feeling the need to comment on at all. It's funny, and you have a clear and personal voice as a writer. Well done.

Six stars and watch listed. Deserves shelf space when I can make it.

This is delightful! Your sense of humor is first rate, as is your writing, and the two together make an excellent combination. Your descriptions are consistently fresh and entertaining, and your characters great company. Including the robot. Nothing to pick on here -- I can't believe it took me all year to give this a good look. I could have sworn I'd checked it out many moons ago, but then that's my memory for you. Truly great writing!
Best of luck with this.
And if you'd like to take a peek at the Lost Wink, please do.
Cheers,
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

(oh right- Chapter 1: a potentially extremist bag. I couldn't figure it out, but then I did. Ignore that).

The Baggage Carousel.

What went through my head in the first two sentences: Fuck you. I can't write that well. Now I have to comment on and potentially critique this?

Chapter 1:

- a potentially extremist bag

Chapter 2:

- I thoroughly enjoyed chapter 2

Chapter 3:

- should The Vuvuzelas be capitalized? I don't know
- chickens feet - chicken feet? chickens' feet? (this is about as good as I can come up with at this rate - goddamn nitpicks)
- 'a re-fried being' (I wish I was this good)
- The second-last paragraph feels totally random, and purposefully political. Then again, this might very well be an expose of Dan's character, so it's hard to say. It's very funny though, but if you need to cut something.

Chapter 4:
One yellow flip-flow lolled from its gaping mouth like a feverish tongue - I'd say something about using a 'like" simile here, because I'm trying to be extra-harsh, but holy fuck that's a crazy good description and I'm jealous.

"Her new name is Patty Hearst" - I just died (but I also feel really smrt for getting that reference).

Oh, on a critical note - you haven't really mentioned Amber at all in the last two chapters, and isn't she kind of the reason for this trip, so doesn't she require at least a passing thought?

Chapter 5:
- Her brow furrows and the resulting pressure closes her eyes again... this could be made more clear, to be honest. I had to read it a couple times.
- I'm guessing there's a time jump (backwards) from the last two chapters. Not a bad thing, but this is a guess, and therefore I'm wondering if it needs to be clarified? Can't tell yet.
- good chapter ending.

Chapter 6:
By the way, I was just in Dubai airport. That place is so weird.
Ok, I'm not critiquing this very well. It could be that the first 5 chapters are just too well-edited, or I'm all zoned out for the day. There's just not much I can say that would make it better.
But I've got chapters 6-11 up to go over this week. I believe you wanted a review of the later chapters anyway. So hopefully I'll have some more useful stuff for you there, and will be able to give you more of a broad overview.

Great stuff so far. It will be on my shelf next time I can kick someone off (assuming you're into getting shelf space).
Ellie

Hi Dave,
I am reading The Baggage Carousel. Read some last night and some today. Trying to keep up with Dan here. He is one unique individual. In Chapter Thirteen, somebody messed up and called him stupid. Chapter Fourteen. We have the police again. I think he just does not like stupid people. Chapter Fifteen -- Dan is giving Facebook a try. He has more friends on the impersonating/made-up page. Sad. I learned a new word--Biped. Chapter Seventeen -- Connected with Dan here. As a child, he felt protected among the towels which wrapped around him. (Loved the tooth!) Many children and adults having a calming affect when something is wrapped around them. They make the heavy vests now for calming. (Dan needs a vest.) It pushes down on the shoulder also. Gives that hand on shoulder feeling. (Yes, he needs a vest.) Oh my, Chapter Eighteen is telling me he has been in prison all this time? Or did they go visit one? (I may be confused, but I think I know he loved his dad.) Okay, it is thirteen days later. Dan is writing to Amber. ( Is this why you have the toaster? You want to ask it about the stimulus package, don't you!)

Do I look up -- Humanity? Or Antipodean? Sometimes I think some have no clue of Humanity.

I have to say...the paragraph you have written about the pups littering the beach. Your writing here is phenomenal. "bull seals braying and squaring off to each other like gypsies at a wake...then by night the jackals hone in like malevolent Wombles to take out all the trash."

Amber has hurt Dan like the Pith hat did the seal. Dan sees all the hurt in the world. The hurt to animals, himself. He sees how the system of the government is not fair in many cases. Dan is now starting to associate Amber with all the turmoil is the way I interpret the way the story is going. The end of Chapter Twenty...Your use of words at the end is great.

Dave, I am stopping here for today. I will return soon. Your characters are definitely strong. I have not figured out all that is happening. I think I do...then I get lost. Dan seems to try so hard. Then things happen. The mind of a Sociopath, or is he? He thinks he loves. He has the Poor Behavioral control. I will have to read further.

I do know your writing skills and use of words are extraordinary! I sprinkle you with 6 stars because of your craft!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

Hi Dave,

I finished The Baggage Carousel last night. When I first read, "breaking its tender spine like a promise" I knew this was going to be a good read by an author who knew his way around sentence structure and metaphors. And the more I read I wasn't disappointed. "Knocking you around like a cruel foster parent" , "People are the least protected species of all", "too much sun and not enough night before it" are just a few examples of the wonderful phrases you have tucked away in The Baggage Carousel.

There were a couple words I didn't understand (and I'm sure it's because I speak American English).
Ch.1
...simply prised open the zip's decaying teeth. (should it be pried?)

Ch.8
That same guy is still sat there on his own. (I saw you had sat on later in the story, and I chalked it up to regional dialect, but that sentence is a little awkward to read).

Ch. 13
I don't need owt from the shop (what is an owt?)

Dan is a very 3 dimensional MC and you show us vividly what has happened in his past to make him a wannabe sociopath today. As the reading progressed though I felt bogged down in Dan's tirades against society and I started to wonder, "For the love, why hasn't this guy just ended it?" I was left with more questions than answers about Dan (perhaps that was your intention). Why couldn't/wouldn't his grandmother take care of him after his mother took a one way ticket to Drunk Town? Why does he have a fixation with violence? Isn't there one woman out there who hasn't abandoned him?

Switching back and forth between 5 different formats: Dan, Amber, E-mails, Incident Reports and Travel reports was a bit overwhelming. Your first chapter was the stuff of brillance and the fast paced, this guy is going somewhere feel was captivating. It was hard to like the Dan of e-mails opposed to the Dan of "real life time". And while Dan was certainly well developed, I didn't feel the same about Amber. Are the chapters about Amber really needed? I don't feel like I learned anything different that I couldn't have learned from Dan. What was the point of the Costa Rica flashback? The only thing I took away was confusion. The sudden change in Dan (though I know this is literary) when it comes to his mother was unbelievable. I was still waiting for him to smack her in the head with a shovel and bury her beside the cat when I finished reading.

You hit the nail on the head with your insight about Facebook, and that's what you do best. You are a master at capturing the ridiculous aspects and simple truths of life. You can write, Dave, and I think you know that. Good luck and happy writing. I've put you on my WL and gave you a generous (which you deserve) amount of stars ;).

~Aries
The Life You Leave Behind

You got me in at "breaking it's tender spine like a promise." Nice. Almost as good as my "He sat. Silent as an empty chair." I've been pathetically perusing prattling prose in vain attempt to satisfy a savage urge to seek some solace in literary largesse. Finally found it. Now fuck off and leave me alone to read it! G.

I've read to chapter 10 and wish this was a book I was holding in my hand or on Kindle becauwse Auth is ruining it for me with all the delays between chapters. So I'm going to take a break now and come back to it later on. Maybe th signal out here in the bush isn't very good or something but it feels like Auth is grinding slowly to a halt.
Great writing, laugh aloud humour, endearing MC. So many memorable clever and funny lines. I've rarely enjoyed a book so much.

I think maybe because I missed chapter 2 I found the next chapters up to chapter 9 a bit confusing. I'm not good with stories that jump about timewise. Therefore when she met Dan in the bar it was a surprise as I thought she'd just left him in Cape Town. Maybe it was all the flights that confused me. But no matter, I am enjoying your writing still and will read on. I now have a problem accessing chapter 9. This site is infuriating.

Chapter 2
I'm sure this chapter is brilliant but can't get it to appear on the screen. I'll move on.

Chapter 1
I like your writing very much full of quirky lines 'This one wears too much foundation, but seems like a nice bloke.'
Good first chapter, not too long. I hate it when you open a book and the first chapter goes on and on and on. Fast pace too.
Like
'troglodytes retreating to their Wetherspoons base camp.'
'rubber slide of death'

This is such a pleasure to read.

I like this very much, added to WL and rated, will back as soon as space. Sue, 'It's a Dog's Life'

An excellent story. Dark, complex with great humourous edge. Great stuff. Backed without hesitation.

Jack Hughes

I read this all today, couldn't stop. Really enjoyed it. That's all I have to say on the matter - except maybe, why isn't this published?!!!!

Definitely going to live on my book shelf for a long time :)

Charlie

I like the first chapter very much.. Good writing. made me smile.... the sharp of breaking the heart. Got the flippant remarks.. on my watch list will read the rest tomorrow

Kate off the rails

As someone commented this is unusual writing. I was unsure if he was dead at first, then I decided he was on an airplane, so I went back and read the beginning. I take it someone broke his heart? I didn't get the humor, even a dry one, but I only read the first chapter.

I think that even the writing is different, by putting your mind to it, it could be interesting.

Abby

Very good observational humour and dry wit, this may not be my usual reading matter at all but I can certainly appreciate sarcasm with a hint of bitterness.
The short sharp chapters also work well, I'd soon rattled through to chapter 7, and there were a number if lines that brought a smile to my face, in particular the "don't look into the light" comment.
Chronologically I must admit I got a bit thrown as I got the seven months earlier Amber has just left Dan, he flies back via Dubai, and visits his gran, but Amber's flight into Cape Town is presumably earlier than seven months earlier so seems a bit out of sync. Or maybe I'm just tired, confused, and still recovering from the shocking football match I sat through earlier this evening.
A summary then? Ok. An amusing start to your story with a great deal of authenticity and an ability to write the truth of what folk really think rather than some sanitised version of reality where taking the piss is outlawed. I'd read on if it weren't for the fact it's knocking on toward midnight and next time I log in I need to tick off another of my lengthy list of agreed reads that seems to grow at twice the rate it shrinks. Best if luck with this Dave as you press into that top fifty and I've given you a fair few stars to help you on your way.
James

Dave,

Loved this. Great sense of humour, some great analogies and I loved the little thoughts the guys gets a long the way. Chapter 1 really gets you into what type of book it is, and has just enough back story to keep you reading. The line about the bloke and the foundation was classic. It's those type of lines that kept me chuckling throughout.

Chapter 2 : I would suggest just putting Seven months earlier at the top of chapter 2 and having the email below.

Chapter 3 : Ahhh, I nearly stopped reading. The dreaded break up of style... but I persisted once I got over the fact that it was an email... the humour is great again. Dripping with sarcasm. Perfect.

Chapter 4: Yep, I like it. A bit off the wall, a bit like this guy is going stir crazy after a long flight. Perfect. Haven't backpacked but have travelled plenty and would imagine you coudl easily be-friend your backpack liek a soldier would his gun!

Chapter 5 : OK so here is my gripe. As a reader flicking through the chapters as quick as you can through yours you don't want to have to stop and think. This is what I had to do here as you write Amber in the first person too. So I was thinking was the still the first guy (for a second.) Maybe... and just maybe you could write her in the third person?

But otherwise, excellent, funny, and relevant. I've backed it...

You might like my book (first person... present tense... true to life... pockmarked with main characters thoughts... it's all there too in Broken Up, Breaking Down.)

Best of look with this book..

Eddie

The Baggage Carousel by Dave Ocelot
Hello, Dave
Putting hand on heart, I have to say I have never read anything this funny on this or other sites I belong to.
I am sure you have heard all the compliments before … there are so many phrases and sentences that are original, eg, “black box”, “moorhen whose …” “assumed dominance of the dividing armrest early” “like Greyfriars Bobby” “part of a certain 9.2% of the population” “some biro stain on the fabric of society”.

Humour is at its best when we least expect it , as here, in a story about a young man’s broken heart.
You have a natural comedic flair which is a huge asset for any writer.
The humour is not forced either as there is nothing worse than someone trying to be funny in print.
The reason humour in print is so hard is cause the writer only has the words on the page – whereas in life we have our voices/impressions/sound FX, facial and body language, etc.
Your humour is also dark at times, eg:
“packing for these suicide missions … this is my first”
“No wonder Nelson Mandela always managed to keep himself so chipper”
“I help old ladies to cross the street and I only ever lost one”
“tousle the hair of small, passing children in an appropriate, non-Sex Register way”
... which really enliven the work.

I loved all the overhead comments too of guests at breakfast. Put me in mind of the observations made by Alan Bennett.

“Thirteen hours on the bus. He comes out talking like Stephen Hawking and I come
out walking like him”

Not sure why I feel the need to copy all these quotes here since you wrote them!
This could be a stand-up comic talking; one of those that relate anecdotes about their lives, eg, Billy Connolly or Michael MacIntyre.
I should add that I think you have a great plot on the go and that your writing style is pretty good overall.
I will be anxiously awaiting your rise to the ED – unless you get snapped up by a publisher long before!
Good luck.
Jane Mauret
UGLY IN PARADISE

I'm really enjoying this and as it's complete I'll read it all. There's nothing worse than finding a good book on here and it ending abruptly after a few chapters. I just thought I should comment incase you thought I'd forgotten you.
It's well edited and polished so far.
Back soon, Jesamine.

Dave Ocelot's six-starred "The Baggage Carousel,"

I get frustrated reading the POV of MALE characters as written by most of today's aspiring authors, male and female alike. Too often these male characters are written in stereotypical fashion, without passion, without their own motives, insecurities, and weaknesses, and most of all---WITHOUT HONESTY--and, as a result, they come across on the written page as flat, politically correct versions of what their authors -- or the female characters in the story -- want them to be. Dan Roberts, the narrator and protagonist in Dave Ocelot's "The Baggage Carousel," is different. Not since the final pages of John D. MacDonald's "The Quick Red Fox" have the honest actions, thoughts, feelings and inner agonies of a man-in-love-with-a-woman been so beautifully and accurately written. For when a man is deeply in love--it's exciting, it's excrutiating; it's sweet, it's bitter; it's joyous, it's obsessive; it's heaven, it's hell. He longs, clinging to memories that he should rather try to forget, and it stabs at his heart as he torturously dies inside desperate to have that which he can never possess or hope to regain. Congratulations and thank you for capturing these so frequently misstated and misunderstood male emotions in your writing, Dave. Pretty damned amazing for a robot. I'd keep reading and figuratively kissing your ass but my lunchbreak is over.

Dean Lombardo
"Space Games"

My my Mr. Ocelot,

This is scathingly, sometime brutally, even sometimes joyously funny. I'm going to read the lot for pleasure - but at the same time I'll be looking for shadow words. I'll find 'em, no worries. I've got 'I' and 'my' on my list so far. In the meantime, I won't be leaving it to go round and round the carousel like Patty Hearst. It's going straight to Security. You can have it back when I'm done.

Here's a claim ticket with six stars on it. The stars mean it's a high risk to the public. We wouldn't want people laughing out loud on the plane, now would we, sir? Passengers get nervous.

Mike

Elegant, wistful and viciously comic. Not words that often go together, which marks this out as an unusual and intriguing read. A bit like Keats reeling off Ode on a Grecian Urn before slapping you in the face with a dead fish and running away giggling.
To illustrate.
1) The wistful and elegant bit: several references to heaven and paradise followed up with ‘You were Cape Town to me’ - echoes of Paradise Lost, ‘thou to me art all things under heaven’. The book-within-a-book conceit in chapter one, about not starting at the beginning. Richly detailed, carefully constructed descriptions.
2) The viciously comic bit: rubber slide of death. A bag called twat-face. Neville marking lines on wine bottles, Amber rubbing them out. Guests gathering to compare the size of their choppers.
All this is a convoluted way of saying this book is witty, clever and highly readable. I’ve looked high and low to find something to criticise (no typos or grammatical errors being apparent) and came up with this: in Chapter 6 this may have been an intentionally odd remark from Dan, but his reference to Amber’s ‘tiny hand’ conjured up the image of her as some kind of Thumbelina-type character for me.
Six stars from me, and on the list to take a shelf space when I’m next able to do some shuffling.
Thanks
Emma

Very funny and sad, Amber is not replying to Dan, we find out how she is faring, very interesting way of learning about the two and the places they visit. Makes you wonder if they will meet again. So, one must read on.
Christine

I popped in apropos of not much and stayed six chapters, well five and a heading really. I love this and would probably kidnap it if I thought I could get away with it. Kindly ensure that it is published in some form that is portable and page turnable as I am spluttering on my keyboard and don't have the money for a replacement.

Yours sincerely
Oh yes - starred and to be backed.
Diane

what an imagination! And funny in a morbid way. Question? What happened to chapter 2?
Christine

I'm loving Dave Ocelot's book "The Baggage Carousel." I've read the first four chapters, and now I'm looking forward to reading Chapter 5 and beyond.

Quite frankly, this is a fun, witty, hilarious, well-written, inventive book that deserves to be published. Let me explain.

The book centers around two characters, Dan and Amber, who had a fling in South Africa. They are both traveling the world, which makes for a great canvas on which their story will be told, and they are both quite different (a fact that is immediately obvious from Amber's more humourous, but less acerbic narrative style in Chapter 5). The story is told from these two characters' points of view, and also in the form of email correspondence. So far, I've gotten to know Dan best; he's funny, morose, self-deprecating, and his heart seems to be so much on his sleeve that it's bound to drive people away. I like him, even though I worry about him, and I am engaged in his story.

Ocelot had me right at the beginning when he ended the opening with the remarkably bright pairing of Dan's fellow plane passenger complaining about books not starting at the beginning, and Dan agreeing and hitting "Playback" on his DVD player. Ha! Readers might have been thinking this about Ocelot's book at this point, and this is like a slap across the face--it makes you wake up and take notice; this is a writer and a book that plan on challenging and surprising you. Kudos for that!

This is a book that will appeal to pretty much anybody, but particularly to those interested in travel, relationships, dysfunction, romance, and the human condition. I'm giving it six stars and putting it on my watchlist until I can get it on my shelf. Highly, highly recommended.

Daniel Rider
"Indian Summer"

Hi Dave
You had me hooked from the first paragraph, and what a first paragraph. The line about the moorhen and the one about the bashful parents - wow, so funny, so true.
I also particularly liked 'biro stain on the fabric of society'. In fact, I could fill this whole box with fabulous lines but I'll resist and tell you that I love the characters Dan and Amber. Dan's story is poignant and he is not afraid to tell us how he feels. By the end of chapter seven I was completely engrossed. I wanted to know how a relationship developed between Dan and Amber after such an unpromising start. I liked the end of this chapter, Amber's comment was funny, the line about whether he was shaking or laughing actually made me feel quite emotional, but then I'm probably as mixed up as your characters.
Oh one more line I must mention
'More culture in a pot of Munch Bunch yoghurt.'

Great stuff. It will be a pleasure to read more.
Ps - About the Croydonites. What can I say, but your off my Christmas list for that one;-)

Hi Dave,
everyone kept telling me to read your book in various forum threads. So, I thought I would take a look.

I know when I am reading something good, because I simultaneously feel jealous and a little bit in love with the writer! This was smooth as silk, witty, heartfelt and honest and I want (and will) read on and on. Some lines stayed with me for days (the one about the vase of flowers in the airplane toilet made me laugh like a drain) and your imagery and empathy stand out. This is a book to restore ones faith in humanity. The letter in Chapter 3 is one of the most romantic things I have ever read, including Jane Austen, and it is such a relief to hear a man in touch with his emotions and willing to express them simply and beautifully. Willing to tell Amber how he feels and how she has affected him. There are not many men like that in the universe!

6 stars from me, no nits, nothing but admiration.
Going on my shelf at the end of June.
Sharda.

Read chapter one, Certainly refreshingly different, was not sure if paradise was heaven, if he was alive or a terrorist. So I will have to read on.
Christine

This is really marvelous writing! Cheeky and erudite. Your wit and craftsmanship are quite the pair.
Best of luck with this!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

BAGGAGE CAROUSEL
I downloaded this book because of its cover: I couldn’t imagine what the anatomical photo of a heart had to do with baggage. Luckily, almost immediately you explain that: a broken heart can be some of the excess baggage all of us carry with us. I think Dan is a good main character for this story. I like the way he sometimes rambles on about pet peeves; had to feel sorry for him about the way his backpack was destroyed, but airlines do warn you not to lock your luggage. I think the best feature of this, tho, is your overall writing style. I like the mix of e-mails and people scenes; the way you tell the story from Dan’s and then Amber’s side. Makes a good blend of story and humor. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

I've really enjoyed this, Dave. Had me laughing loudly in many places, quite sad in others and put off in yet others. Nice contrast, certainly a book to mix up the emotions and have us laughing and crying within minutes of each. I like that in a read, I hate to feel too comfortable, I want surprises. In most part I like Dan except when he's arranging to kill off the local cat community but he does raise my hopes in the much later chapters.

The relating of his parents especially his mother is indeed melancholy but I liked the fact that there is possibly a reaffirming of each other.

And I LOVED Amber! Her cynical wit was too funny but yet again, someone who has skeletons ...

All in all an excellent couple of days spent reading this very entertaining book. Thanks.

Lynn

Dave

This is brilliant. I struggled with the site and its extreme reluctance to move from chapter to chapter so Chapter Two pissed me off a little. However, I am fascinated by structure and you seem to be running the whole gamut here. A modern e-Pistolary novel meets a comic Tarantino with lashings of bile and humanity. I couldn't read too far - a combination of the software denying me and a shortness of time - but from what I saw this is a consistently well written piece with two characters I can care about - I have a slight preference for Amber, I admit - but if I came upon The Baggage Carousel at an airport bookshop, it would definitely come with me on my flight.

Zoë

PS - I winced at your late term abortion reference. It's a very good line but it does somehow leave me with the impression that the character and author have strong views on ALL abortions that clash directly with mine. I don't know if you care, but that's the only thing that might have stopped me taking your book to the distracted mousey blonde playing with her nose stud at the till.